Teen Mom

I CAN Love Me, Finally (E)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Children with Health Complications, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 16 Comments

This is a story about love,loss,,discovery and my young body’s journey through motherhood. I guess you can say my journey to motherhood has not been the easiest, but I wouldnt trade the expeirences I’ve had at my young age for anything. I found out I was pregnant with my first child a week before my 15th birthday. I found out while hospitalized for a suicide attempt, I was in the tenth grade,a straight A student, and a very battered little girl. I knew I was pregnant before they even told me, mothers intuition I suppose. As soon as it was a reality, a switch went off and I became this super woman. A strong and confident side of myself I had never encountered before. At the time I was broken up with the father, but right away we had the pressure to “make it work for the baby sake”, which I had a ” whatever” attitude about over the next 8 months. I was an extremely athletic cheerleader. I was 5’3 and 105lbs. Which for my build, was underweight. Ribs and backbones protruding etc. Which oddly was the most confident I had ever been about my body in my entire life. Ive always had a horrible body image for as long as I can remember. At 34 weeks pregnant I found out my son had a heart defect, I was born and raised in Alaska and they didnt have any doctors that could treat a condition of that severity, so I had one day to go home, pack, and ship myself and my mother off to Seattle. Long story short, I had a horrible birth and UW Hospital 9/11/2006 and my beautiful baby boy was immideatly taken to Childrens Hospital. I stopped weighing myself at 185lbs 6 weeks prior to his birth. I literally felt like two of myself. I went from a 34A to a 38DD. My son had open heart surgery at 4 days old, left the hospital at 3 weeks old, and spent 3 weeks at home in Alaska with us before his time here ran out. He was the most precious person I have ever encoutered and changed my life forever. I lost 30lbs right after delivery, but after his loss, I was left with ” this big,fat,strecthed out version of my old self” In my eyes I was huge going from a size 00 to a size 12 and then not having my sweet baby was a recipe for depression. I managed to get myself down to about 130(due to stress mostly) and 9 months post-partum with my son, I found my self pregnant again, this time a sweet baby girl, at the ripe age of 16. Her pregnancy was amazing, I was still self consious but I didnt really show with her until almost my 7th month and after her beautiful water birth, my healthy baby girl was here on 3/1/2008. Mine and her fathers relationship was one for the record books. He was an addict,thief,liar, and everything in between. I raised my daughter by myself, despite the fact we were actually together. After nearly 3 years of abuse I had enough, I took my daughter and moved to Washington from NC(long story how we ended up there), he was soon on his way here, all of a sudden about my daughter. He managed to come and do his damage here aka drug me, rape me, and take pictures and then leave the state. I was mortified ( found the pictures in his jeans pocket, eww). I filed charges and he skipped across the country, never looking back. After years of never “being good enough” skinny enough, flat enough, to deserve to be faithful or loving to. Once he was out of my life, I was left with, What the hell do I do now. What guy at my age is going to be interested in a battered, single mother, and an 18 year old body that has been torn apart by babies? In steps prince charming :). My body took along time to recover from two babies in 18 months. I was left saggy, stretched marked from breast to calf,cellulite, and so self critical it was sickening.At random my crush from middle school(who was everyones crush) messaged me just to say hi, and then began talking to me rather frequently and for the first time in a long time I just let my guard down and let him see the good, the bad, and the ugly right from the start. Assuming he would run away kicking and screaming I kept going, he kept staying. He was a risk,a ladies man, life of the party, insatiably good looking, and everything I never had the confidence to go after previously. This man fell in love with me just the way I was, stretched marked, battered and broken, and told me everyday what a beautiful person I was. At a time I should have felt my best I was more body conscious then ever.This body was not what he was used to looking at,and I did everything I did to hide it. This man left his whole life in Alaska and moved to Washington to be with me, switched companies, and never looked back. So here I sit 19 years old 15 weeks pregnant with my third child, another boy and Im learning to love my body for exactly what it is intended to be, a baby factory.Its an amazing beautiful thing to be born with an ability to give life to another human being from the most beautiful source, the person that you love. So I don’t look like Heidi Klum 3 weeks post par tum but who cares. My body grows, nutures, and feeds another human being and you have to be thankful for just that. It has taken me a long time to appreciate just what my beautiful baby factory can do. I know this story is long but I want to offer encouragement to any mother with a poor self image, anyone who had been sad, battered, and broken and tell you that yes you are beautiful and that there are people who will love and appreciate you for just the amazing person that you are. There is no mold for motherhood. We are the trendsetters in our own lives and now that I have a daughter I hope she can learn and appreciate the female body the way it looks in real life and not what you see on t.v. Its a constant battle for us, but its worth every scar!

Children are: Would have been 4, 2 1/2, and 15 weeks pregnant.
Age:19
Weight 105-185,130-155,115-120 pregnant
Height 5’3

Picture # 1 is 40 weeks pregnant with baby number one
Pic # 2 is my precious boy at 5 weeks old
Pic #3 is 8 months post partum
Pic #4 is the day I went into labor with my daughter
Pic #5 is about 6 months post partum
Pic#6 is my little diva
Pic #7 was 2 years post partum
Pic#8 is my current 15 week bump

I Love My Boys, I HATE My Body! (Christina)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 21 Comments

Age: 20
# of pregnancies/births/cesareans: 2
Age of children: 2 1/2(born:2008) and 13months(born:2009)
Postpartum: 13months as of 10/10

I got pregnant for the first time at 17, before then i had always worried about my weight and at 5’6″ 147lbs i wasn’t over weight. Now i am 286lbs and i cant stop thinking about it. Not only do i feel bad and unattractive, but i know it is bad for my health.

during my first pregnancy i didn’t really care about my weight gain, i guess i always thought it would be easy to lose later. but after i had my first son i felt (and looked like) and empty vessel. i had gained at least 40lbs during my pregnancy, though I’m not sure how sense i was vomiting the whole pregnancy. i was all stretch marked and i hadn’t really lost any weight after giving birth, which BTW i had a csection. and then i actually gained weight after the birth. so after my csection i had that as an excuse not to exercise, that and ya know being too tired and any other excuse i could think of. then me and my then boyfriend/baby daddy got married. then we decided to have another baby. and at 18 i got pregnant right away(9months after my first). and i had actually been put on pills to get my period back, which I’m sure i didn’t get cause of the weight gain. but after my first period on the pills is when we got pregnant. then yet again i really didn’t worry about how much weight i gained. i monitored it a little more but i still ate what i wanted, when i was not barfing cause yet again i had morning sickness the whole pregnancy. and at the end of my second pregnancy i had gained I’m sure at least 30lbs. and after the birth of my second son i still didn’t lose the weight. and yet again gained more after the baby was born and used the excuse again that i had a c section.

now that I’m pushing 300lbs, I’ve gone from a 38C cup to a 44 DD cup, I’m stretched marked to hell, and have horrible back, knee, and hip pain, it really is alot harder to exercise. i tire a lot easier and the pain gets almost unbearable. on top of all that, I’m really scared of exercising alone. I’ve set up dates to walk with friends and they some how always end up blowing me off. and i know that i need to just get over it and go do it. and even if i do lose the weight i do not think that i will ever be satisfied with my body again(not that i was really before). all i keep thinking is “I’m 20, my body shouldn’t look like this.” i don’t like looking in the mirror or shopping for clothes cause its just depressing, when you used to be able to pick up a size 11 or 12 and it would fit now you’re in a 20 something. my husband hates when i say things like this, about being fat and such. he doesn’t understand cause he has the high metabolism, and so hes skinny. and i know its horrible but I’m so jealous of him. he says I’m beautiful, and i just really wish that i could see it that way. I’ve read about a bunch of women who are embracing their post baby bod, and i just wish that i was that strong. and the crazy thing is while pregnant i feel so much more beautiful, but as soon as the baby is born i don’t.

I love my boys so much, they are everything to me. the only thing i would change is i would exercise and watch what i ate while i was pregnant and after.

yet again we are talking about another baby. i really do want a big family, but i know that i need to be in good health to have a healthy baby. so i want to at least get close to my pre-pregnancy size. i just wish that i knew now how to do that.

Thanks to all of you brave women for posting your stories. :)

1. before pregnancy
2. pregnant with #1
3. PP after 1
4. pregnant with #2
5. PP after 2
6. c section scar after 2
7. 13 months PP after 2
8. 13 months PP after 2
9. my 1 year old
10. my 2 1/2 year old

Was it All Worth it? (Emily)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Adoption, Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Teen Mom 16 Comments

Age-20
Number of pregnancies-2, One birth, One abortion
Post Partum 4 years

My story starts at the age of 15. I met my first love at my sophomore Homecoming Dance. I was dancing with a guy friend of his when he came up and starting talking to us. I immediately thought he was cute. He was two years older which also apealed to me. We danced and at the end of the dance i got his number. We started dating a week later and i lost my virginity to him 4 days after we started dating. I was very naive to have sex so soon. He used protection at first but after awhile we stopped. We were very much in love or atleast at the time we thought so. After dating for a litlle over 2 months i found out i was pregnant. I actually found out when i went to the doctor with my mom to get on the pill. I was very upset by this but i had my family and my boyfriends support. We considered abortion but ended up not doing it and we decided to give the baby up. As the months progressed we started feeling the baby move and decided we couldn’t part with him or her. We soon found out it was a she and were very excited. My boyfriend was great and spent every minute with me that he wasn’t working. We decided before she was born to name her Isabelle Corrin. I was 102lbs and 5’3 before i got pregnant and by the time i had her i was 148lbs. I got strethc marks everywhere and being young and naive i thought they would just disapear after she was born. She was born on September 15th 2006. The next two months were miserable. Her father and I split up temporarily and there was complete chaos. After a month and a half of trying to be parents we realized we weren’t fit to be parents yet. I was 16 and he was 18 and we weren’t accomplishing our goals and we were both very depressed. We told our family we were going to give her up for adoption and of course they were upset. We were as well because we did love our daughter. We ended up giving her up legally to her fathers aunt and uncle who already had 3 children and were great parents. That was final in March 07, but we handed her over to them in November 06. In december of 06 my boyfriend and the babies father joined the National guard. And with the stress of the adoption and fear for him having to deploy i packed back on the 20lbs i had lost right after the birth. When he left for basic in June of 07 i was 142lbs i worked hard over the 4 months he was gone to get down to 130. It wasn’t easy for me to lose weight and i wish i would have lost more that summer. Over the next two years i stayed around that weight and was very insecure and that caused alot of problems with my ex and i. We ended up breaking up around our 3 year anniversary. After the break up i lost 10lbs and was at 120lbs. I was very happy with how i looked and for months i maintained that weight until i got pregnant by a guy i had been serious with for 4 months. I was pregnant 9 weeks before i had an abortion and ended up gaining 10lbs in that 9 weeks. So once again i was really insecure. Ended up staying with that guy for 5 more months after the abortion until i met my wonderful fiance. He is great and i love him so much! But i still struggled with my insecuriets even though he always gave me compliments. Took me like 10 months into our relationship to actually feel confident. I lost 17lbs and got down to my lowest weight of 113. I am now 115-117 depending on the week of my cycle. I still have some insecurities but not as much. I am going to start exercising to tone up my body more in these next 8 months my fiance is deployed. We have lived together for the last year and been together 15months. I love him to death and hope he comes home safelly. He will finally be out of the guard when he returns.

The Nonexistant Dating and Sex Life of a Single Mom (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Butt, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 31 Comments

Age: 23
Pregnancies: 1
Births:1
My Daughters Age: 3

I had my daughter at the age of 19 a month away from my 20th so I guess I should say I had her as a “Teen”

Her dad and my relationship was a rocky one but I stuck it out because I didn’t want my daughter growing up without her dad, we where together for about 4yrs. I endured a lot of verbal abuse Until…I found out almost a year ago today her dad had a secret relationship throughout ours with his sisters best friend which was also a friend of mines. They now live together in our old home while am back cramped sleeping on the floor at my mothers.

He is very much a part of his daughter’s life & a loving dad. We get along here and there but its mostly just 4 the baby. There’s not an actual friendship. He has told me numerous of times “he wishes I would die so he can have custody of his daughter and live a happy family with his girlfriend”

What I endured with him seems to have soaked in my brain and friends say I am carrying that pain although am not with him anymore. When we will get into arguments the first things he would say where how “Nasty my saggy breast, cellulite legs, acne face & stretch marked stomach where”. He would also say “no one will ever want me” to the point I couldn’t even look in a mirror and think i looked pretty.

Our sex life pretty much sucked i always thought it was him because he never cared to please me it was just bend over or give me “H**d” but all the while it was because he was getting it elsewhere and thought how nasty my body was.

I haven’t as much as dated ONE person in the past year not because I don’t want to because no one seems to be interested in me after I had my daughter. I go out with friends constantly but no one seems to hit on me the times i have tried to step out of my comfort zone & approach someone I am shutdown or never called back even if they don’t know I am a mother (being that women with kids sometimes scare a man off)

Before I had my daughter i would be scared to walk the streets alone because I would constantly be harassed and told how beautiful I was. NOW I don’t get as much as a head turn.

As much as i want to start dating again it hits me one day or another we will have to sleep together and although my daughters dads constant rants of how nasty my body is plays a part in how i feel I can’t help to agree I HAVE A MIRROR i see all that he pointed out.

I am so lonely and just have shut myself out from life. I am only 23 and shouldn’t have to feel this way.
I don’t regret my daughter and the body I have after her, i just wish i can take back the person i had her with because one thing I noticed from a lot of the posts where how many of you have supporting husbands to tell them how beautiful they where.

I just want to be comfortable in my own skin one day

When I look at some girls that complain about their bodies I can understand where they come from but is still not as bad as me, like ok yeah your boobs are saggy but you can wear shorts! Yeah you have cellulite but you can wear a tube top without a bra or yeah you have a little stretch marks but at least you’re inner thighs are not filled with dark parks and constant boils. I can’t do any of these

As much as I wish i can go back to my old days my 3 year old is WORTH EVERY BIT OF IT. It’s just very lonely when its 8pm and she’s a sleep on a Saturday night. In the mist of my ranting she has awoken and I even forgot what I was going on about! & that’s why she makes it worthwhile.

(In the pictures I posted b4 baby and after baby. The grey marks are from holistic treatment strips I removed b4 picture for weight loss which have not worked )

I hope someone out there can relate to my post as well as my body

My entire story…hoping it will give somebody hope or simply put a smile on somebody’s face. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Birth, First Pregnancy, Homebirth, Submissions, Teen Mom 30 Comments

~Age: 17, almost 18
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 incredible birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 23 weeks

I was 16 years old when I found out I was 2 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend, who was/still is my best friend, was 18 at the time and we were both mortified and at a loss for words when the fourth pregnancy test that I took read ” + “. I’d never thought that I would be “one of those girls” that I was always so quick to judge–I knew nothing about how much it takes to bring a life into this world. I told my mom the day after I found out and she told my dad that night…I’ll never forget the day after. It seems like I didn’t say anything to anybody that day besides saying the word ‘yes’ to my dad when he worked up the guts to ask me if I was scared. I immediately decided that I was going to give my child a fair shot at life and I started researching different ways to give birth. It only took a few days for me to decide on doing a completely natural home water birth, it was time to grow up and do what was best (in my opinion) for my baby. No ultrasounds, no drugs of any kind, just love, a peaceful environment and positive thinking.

Despite all of the remarks and rude comments that I got for wanting to give birth that way, I knew that it was what I wanted to do and I was determined to make everything go the way that I wanted it to. I decided very early on to eat an organic, protein rich, hearty and healthy diet for the months that followed. I got pregnant in mid July and I moved across the country that November with my family and boyfriend. A few months passed, and with his family pressuring him daily to move back by them and leave me, my boyfriend caved and moved 1,000 miles away from me and our unborn child. (We stayed together, though it was extremely difficult, and he’ll be moving back in with my family and I in the next few months.) As time went on I got more and more excited to go into labor and after about 7 months of positivity, support and spectacular chiropractic care, I was fearless. I knew exactly how labor was going to go and I knew what to expect as if I’d already done it all in a past life.

Exactly 1 week after my due date at 3:54 a.m. my contractions woke me. They were very subtle but I knew that day, April 16, 2010 was going to be the day that I would finally be face-to-face with the mysterious creature that was my child. Like I said, I had no ultrasounds or testing of any kind during my pregnancy so I was even more anxious about finding out if I was going to have a Dominic or an Ava. Contractions barely grew stronger over the following hours until I was in the grocery store 8 hours after they’d begun and I had to squat in the freezer section to breathe through my first ‘painful’ contraction. Things started moving along so I hurried home with my mom, a.k.a. my birth coach&birth partner, and called my midwife. I told her that I was starting to feel uncomfortable and I needed her around. As I was waiting for her to get to my house, my mom and I prepared the birthing tub and all of the things that would be needed for cleanup afterwards. My midwife got there 9 hours after contractions had started and things were really starting to move along. I went from squatting and holding the island in the kitchen to the handle of the back door, and finally to a pile of pillows in my bedroom as I moaned through my contractions. 10 hours into labor, my water broke and contractions were so unbelievably strong after that, they took my breath away. By the time my midwife checked my cervix, I was 8cm dilated and ready to climb into the birthing tub.

I squeezed my moms hands as I spiraled my hips in the warm water and ‘moo’d through my 90 second long contractions with only 30 seconds between them. Before I knew it I felt the undeniable urge to push that everybody always told me about, but it was nothing like I thought it was going to be. There was such an incredible life force moving through my body and as I screamed (not because of the pain but because the sound was literally being pushed out by my body) I felt my baby’s head starting to crown. One contraction later, it’s beautiful head had been born and the body was still kicking and squirming around inside of my body. I laughed as I felt my child’s beautiful dark brown hair under water and said “Baby! Stop kicking!!”. 3 powerful contractions and 10 minutes later, after 12 life changing hours of labor, my incredible child was fully submerged in the water. All 8lbs 11oz and 21inches of my beautiful child was gently unwrapped and able to unfold in the warm tub. I reached my hands down to pull my baby up to my chest and as I was still in shock, I asked “Is it a girl or a boy?!?!” My midwife simply said “Why don’t you reach down and feel?” And as soon as I did, I cried “She’s my Ava!”. With a huge sigh of relief I threw my head back and my proud mama (who is now also a proud grandma) splashed water on baby Ava’s back and cried with me. I got out of the tub and crawled in to my own warm bed with my new baby and latched her on to my breast for the first time.

I was completely healed in 2 1/2 weeks. No cuts, no drugs, no stitches, no doctors. Just love. My daughter is my world and I will always remember every detail of this story. I hope that another young mom reads this and realizes that regardless of what people say or do, you are perfectly capable of doing exactly what you want. Anything is possible if you work for it.

I love my children, I hate my body. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 21 Comments

I had my first child, the day before I turned 15. I didn’t have my mom around, so had never known about stretch marks before. I still remember being 6 months pregnant, walking past the mirror on my way to the shower in the bathroom & seeing this great wide purple scar under my belly. I freaked out & cried. I had disliked my body before, but, THIS? It was just before my 17th birthday that I had my second child, a son. Up until then, my stretch marks were on the back of my calves and on my rear, but, my belly scars were at least under my waistline. However, my belly stretched out a great deal more with my son. The stretch marks were wider, and now up my sides & above my belly button, to where now, my whole stomach wrinkles in. It made me wish I hadn’t hated my body before, because I really had nothing to worry about. Even when I was younger, I was too modest to wear a bikini, now it’s simply not an option. I did wear one once & some guy shouted at me as I jumped into the water to “put a shirt on.” & so, I do.

My breast are a whole ‘nother matter. I had developed rather quickly at a young age. I was always small, but, my chest wasn’t. At 14, before I got pregnant, I was 98lbs, wearing a 34c. Yes, I had been sort of starving myself. Not consciously, I was just a very depressed child with no appetite. When I weighed in at the hospital before delivering my daughter, I weighed 183lbs. I breast-fed her until she was a year old, then, was pregnant again shortly after & breast-fed my son until he was a year old. I maintained a weight of around 135lbs, and was a 36c.

I was married to their father until our son was two. The relationship was surrounded by spousal abuse & constant fighting. While he professed his never-dying love of my body (which breeched obsession), he would make me feel incredibly insecure. Anytime a divorce was mentioned he would remind me that, at 19, I wasn’t exactly ideal. What guy would want damaged goods? He said that while he appreciated my body because he knew what it looked like before I had kids & that only a father could truly love a body like mine. I knew that he was only trying to make me believe it so that I wouldn’t leave him, but, I also knew that the truth hurts. One whole week after I left him, a literal weight had fallen off of me. I had lost 25lbs, & subsequently, 2 cup sizes & all plumpness.

That was almost 7 years ago. I am now 25, my son 8, my daughter 10. I’m relatively fit, never weighing more than 120lbs. I have trouble shoving myself into an A cup, so, I wear a B, though it’s irritating that I can hardly expose any cleavage because you can tell that they sag because it droops at the top. So, sometimes I do stuff my bra, not to make them bigger, but, to make them more plump at the top, reducing the sight of the stretch mark indentions. The marks have faded out some, but, not really. It’s not even so much the scars that I hate, it’s the wrinkles they make.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years now. He absolutely loves my body. He says my stretch marks look like tiger stripes. I think they look like a tiger mauled me! He says the symmetry helps. It’s unsettling to him, that, even after all of this time, I still try to cover myself up during sex. In fact, the first few times we did, I wouldn’t let him take my shirt off! My skin disgusts me, and can take me from being all hot & bothered to ugh. On top of my insecurities of losing him, & even though I’ve been proven wrong before, I worry that I’d never find anyone else to love my body as much as he does.

I even worry about my career. I’m going through Journalism school & the idea of being at the merciless scrutiny of the public terrifies me.

I’m so completely bitter about it. I’ve met many women that had children just as young as I did & they didn’t get a SINGLE scar & they have nice, ideal, breasts. I even project my own disgust onto them. Women who are flawless under their clothes gross me out. I think it takes on a whole personality disorder on its own.

I do like my figure to an extent. I’m not thrilled with this ridiculous muffin top that I’m always having to tuck into my waistband, but, I get so depressed about it, thinking about how young I am, & how I could have had this killer body, but, nooooooo, I couldn’t have also been blessed with great skin. By time I’m old enough that they fade, or I’m rich enough to have them removed, what would be the point?!

So, here are lots of current photos of me. 8.5 years after my last pregnancy. I notice EVERY imperfection. Not only are my breast small, deflated, and saggy, but, the larger one droops lower! I walk around tightening, sucking, tucking in my stomach, which just makes my back ache. I almost forgot to add a picture of the back of my legs — well, leg, rather. These are the only marks I’ve basically gotten over. I used to never wear shorts, but, now I wear some that at least cover the marks on the inside of my thighs.

I really appreciate this blog. It’s incredibly comforting knowing that I’m not really alone, that most mothers do face these postpartum woes. My two sisters-in-law share the same body-image insecurities as I do. I mentioned this site to them when I stumbled upon it looking for exactly this — pictures of women that look like me. By outing myself, I hope that I can encourage them to be brave too.

You may also choose to include:
~Your Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2, 2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 8, 10

Is there hope or am I going to be in these shoes forever? (Emily)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Diastasis Recti, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 8 Comments

I am 19 years old/ 18 when pregnant/ 19 when i gave birth.
number of children:1 born july 8th 2010.
birth: c sec.
pre pregnancy weight:105
Wheight right before birth: 175
Wheight now: 144
Weeks pp: 7

Hello. I started this entry knowing exactly what I wanted to say but suddenly…I dont know where I should start…perhaps I should start by saying that like most teens I was ungratful about my body I once had, and took every beautiful inch of it for granted. Or should I start by saying that I got pregnant on perpose?? Ither way I think I shall start with pre pregnancy life…pre pregnancy life was full of bushitten and partying…at the age of 17 i met the best boyfriend any 17 year old could ask for, i was in a verbally and mentally abusive relationship when i met the guy i want to spen the rest of my life with. i had been seeing someone since i was in 7th grade off and on until my jr year began. he fooled me so many times i look now and waunder what the hell i was doing. he cheated on me with my friends and always dissed me for other people…i guess its because when i lost my verginity to him i was only 12 and i was stupid and too young for sex. My father was never realy around in my younger years, so perhaps thats why i clung on for sooo long as well…andywho I met Cory my boyfriend now, at 17 when I was still with this guy…and I ended up leaving him for cory…which i will never regret =) Cory and i where dating for a few months and i fell for him hard and fast…he then moved to another state where his mother lived to get his life back on track, i was heart broken..but we kept in touch the whole time he was gone, he was gone fore about 4 months, when he got back, he thought he was too young to be tied down and wanted to brake up, i was heart broken…so he went his way, and i went mine…little did i know he was getting into some pretty hardcore drugs, and so was I with other people. He was doing meth and i was doing coke. a few months went by and at this time my x’s cousin was trying to get with me, i desided what the hell free coke, and i get to get my x back for all the times he messed with my best friends, so me and this guy fooled around, we will call him bubba, him and i where really good friends before we fooled around…but since we do not speak. so cory comes back around feeling like he messed up…and at this point i didnt know what to do. at the time i thought i cared abouit bubba but i truly didnt know what love was yet. long story short bubba and i broke up and cory and i got back together. cory was living with his dad who was a drunk like mine, and thought buyin alcahol was more important than paying the gas bill…and it was the middle of winter. so there was no heat or hot water. i stayed the night with him most the time, because i was just so crazy about him, and i had a vehicle to get to school. i would tell my mom i was staying at my dads, who lived a few blocks away, but i think she knew better.
Cory and I ended up getting into meth pretty bad up for days, and weeks at a time…hangen with the wrong crowed, when i was with my x i had no friends i didnt go out drinking or partying i wasnt allowed to, because i was stupid and let him control me. so once i got away i was doing everything crazy that came my way and it felt great!! Until I oded. and ended up in the hospital, cory and i had been up for weeks and my heart rate was increasing dramaticly and i was halusinating…when we got to the hospital i hardly rememberd a thing…my heart rate was 198bpm, from what my mom told me later on…after this i vowed never to touch that shit again…

a year went by i graduated high school barly, and cory and i got our own place. i was working full time at a call center and he was working full time at a catering company…he had dropped out of school when he was 16 he is a year younger than me.

I was on the depo bc shot for almost two years, when i got off it, i had horrable periods and bleeding problems thinking id never get pregnant…i got depressed. then i got to wanting a baby, for about 6 months, and then cory and i desided we would try for a baby i was almost 19 and he was almost 18, yea stupid i know. but we tryed and tryed and finally i realized it was never going to happen…then poof! on nov. 10th my mothers bday i got a pos. pregnancy test! I was so stoked!!! i called him to tell him and he was happy too! then everything came crashing down we both lost our jobs and had to move to missouri where his family lived, other than his dad. we where living with his sister which was not plesent at all grant it she is a great person, but it was very crowded. i was 24 weeks pregnant when we got our apartment, and settled in he was working full time at mcdonalds, and i couldnt find a job even if i tryed, i was already getting huge…
i was mesuring 5 wks ahead because of extra water the placenta was retaining…
people would ask me if i was having twins…
finally when i was 39 weeks and 3 days i was indused…because of savere vvaricose vains and the fact that my uturus would not grow any further, on l=july 7th i was induced…july 8th, i was finally 10cm dialated after 13 hours of labor and ready to push, i pushed for 3 hours before the doc said no no no! his head is stuck on your pelvic bone! i started to ball why me!!! after all this work. the gave me a spinal blcok that failed so they had to kncock me out for c sec. cory was devistatetd he couldnt be in the room for the birth of our baby! the knocked me out and the next thing i remember was waking up and getting to hold my beautiful baby boy! Karter Julian Wayne Bowser! he was born at 6:18 pm july 8th 9ibs 20z 201/2 inches long!!!

he was perfect in every way!!!

but now im left with this stumic. i dont mind the stretch marks, nor do i mind my scar, its this overhang thats deeply depressing me. ive never seen anyone with an issue until i came to this site, everyone i know had little 6ib babys and quick natural labors…and back to there pre pregnancy self…
i was a size 0 when i got pregnant now im a 9. that dosnt even bother me.
i just dont feel there is hope to get rid of this flab…everyone tells me only sergary can fix it. specially since i have desrectis recti savere seperation of the abdominal wall, because of how big i was…
please ladys give me hope!!! that I will beable to loose this!

im ataching a picture of my son less than a day old and of now, and a picture of me and cory before i got pregnant, as well as a before pregnancy pic and a pic of me at 30 wks pregnant. and pics of me now.

Why Can’t I Love My Body? (Ileana)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 6 Comments

I am a 21 year old mother of 3. I got pregnant at the age of 15 and had a wonderful little boy when i turned 19 i had my second little boy and at the age of 21 I had my little girl. Last year i met the love of my life it was love at first sight, he is a wonderful man, he is my hero. My husband is in the United States Navy, he is 23 years old. He is such a wonderful man, he accepted my two boys into his life like if they where a piece missing from a puzzle and he has loved us unconditionaly.But now I feel that he deserves much Better than me even though he tells me im beautiful and just perfect the way I am, I just don’t feel the same way he does. My whole life I have had body issues even when i was younger and now that I had my little girl I look at pictures of when i was younger and i think to myself how dumb I was for not liking what i saw! Now that i see myself I just see imperfections everywhere I am 8 weeks post partum and i hate what i see in the mirror. My stomach is full of stretch marks and my belly is just so big I try to stay positive but I just look big all around. I love my children and i would not change any of the decisions that i have made. And even though each pregnacy has changed my body I would have them all over again. But I just wish I could love myself (my body) as much as i love them. Everyone tells me i look great for 8 weeks post partum but I just don’t see what they see. How could I love myself more?

090810-ileana-1

I Don’t Think I Will Ever Come to Love this Body (Carrie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 7 Comments

~Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies and 3 births.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 6 1/2 year old daughter, 4 year old daughter, and 2 year old son.

So, where do I start? I found out I was pregnant at the very young age of 15. I was not dating her dad and he went active duty Army, so he got stationed in Colorado. Far from our hometown in Indiana. I felt like, great.. he’s getting off easy. He then found out he was deploying and we decided to try and make this work. This was in 2003. Our daughter was born on Christmas Day that year. I was then 16. He came home from deployment when our daughter was 4 months old, that is when he first saw her. We decided that I would move to Colorado with him, even though I was only 16. My mom protested, but it happened anyway. We married on my 17th birthday in 2004.

When I was 18, my husband deployed again. We found out we were pregnant again just 3 days after he left. He came home when I was 7 months pregnant. We had another baby girl in May of 2006. 2 weeks after her birth, I had to have my gallbladder removed. Then, a week later we had to move across the country to North Carolina. With a toddler, and a baby not even a month old, and just having surgery, the move was no fun at all.

Fast forward 2 more years later, and another move down to Georgia, we were finally pregnant with our son. This pregnancy, my stomach grew larger than before, but still I delivered at a weight of 157. That was my ending weight with all 3 of my pregnancies. Well, the 2 times before I stayed around the low 140’s after having my children, not this time! I EBF for the first 2 months, found out I wasn’t producing NEALY enough milk, so I had to switch to bottle feeding. My milk dried up IMMEDIATELY! It made me very sad, which I read is very common. Anyway, to the point.. After my son was around 9 months, I had gained 20 pounds! I was then 175 lbs! The heaviest I have ever been in my whole life, even being pregnant! I then found out I have a hypothyroid. Which explained my low metabolism, no energy, not being able to sleep, mood swings… and the list goes on. I thought, great! now I will finally be able to get something done with the medication! WRONG! The medication didn’t help me at all. My doctors don’t seem to care, either. So, here I am. My son is 2 years old. I now weigh 167 and that is AFTER taking Adipex for 7 months straight! How can that be? And I work out a good amount. I am trying the P90X to no avail. I can’t help but be depressed! I would be happy if I could just fit into my clothes right. Where I could get dressed and not stare in the mirror at how horrible I look. I am at a loss at what to do now. I have even had thoughts of trying to be bulimic or anorexic. Which lucky for me, have only been thoughts. I know I could not EVER do that!

So, with this. I hope that my story relates to at least 1 person. I wish I could say I am becoming closer to accepting my body, but I know that is a lie. I absolutely hate my body and know I will until I at least lose 25-30 lbs. I wish I could wake up 1 day and have my energy, motivation, or just plain out not be tired all the time! Oh, and yes.. I am still married to my wonderful husband. It has been over 6 years now, and I see many more years in the future.

PICTURES:
1ST AND 2ND – ME PRE PREGNANCY DAYS WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS FAT
3RD – 4 DAYS BEFORE I DELIVERED MY SON
4TH, 5TH AND 6TH – ME TODAY

7 1/2 Months Later and Still Struggling (Jess)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 11 Comments

I met my sons father when i was 17 years old. We met at a small little party and were together pretty much nonstop afterwards. Within 2 months we already had an apartment together. One night he had had a few drinks and we were just sitting around having a somewhat deep converstaion about how we felt about each other and he let it slip that i was a few pounds more than the girls he usually is with but if being with someone he really loves means having to deal with a few extra pounds it was worth it. I don’t think he was trying to insult me but needless to say it very deeply affected me. I dropped about 25 pounds over the next few months and went from 147 to 124. That was the smallest I have ever been. My self confidence was just horrible. I was always accusing my boyfriend of being unhappy with my body and it caused a lot of problems. I was 18 when I got pregnant and 19 when my son was born. I was honestly a miserable pregnant person. I gained 70 pounds going from 124 to 194. My doctor sent me to talk to a nutritionist every single appointment. It was honestly embarassing. I managed to avoid stretch marks until i was about 38 weeks. I think they actually got worse after I gave birth. I had a really horrible case of the PUPPS rash and was due to be induced on a dec. 20th. I went into labor naturally on my own tho on the 19th. It was a long 30 hour labor followed by a c section because i was just not dilating. I never made it past 3cm. I love my son very much and he is comlpetely amazing but i still get very depressed over my body. I’ve dropped about 50 pounds over the past 7 and a half months and am now down to around 143. I breastfed for 2 months and it was a really good experience while it lasted… definitely helped me to bond with my son and it was great not having to wash bottles lol…. My boobs have definitely changed tho… they depress me very much… they’re just these empty little sacks of skin with huge nipples…. they used to be my favorite part of me… I’ve pretty much hit a plateau as far as my weight loss goes. I don’t think im going to be able to lose anymore until i learn to like myself and become a happier person… I am a very emotional eater…. I know things could be so much worse… but i could really use some motivation…..

Pictures-
1-3 Weeks pp
2-6 weeks pp
3-6weeks pp
4-4 months pp
5-4 months pp
6-5 1/2 months pp
7-6 months pp
8-7 1/2 months pp
9-7 1/2 months pp
10-7 1/2 months pp
11-8 months pregnant
12-prepregnancy
13- my son

Updated here.