Tattoo

Getting Used to My New Body (Katie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 4 Comments

I was 20 years old when I found out I was pregnant. My husband and I were very excited because the month before I find out was the month we decided to start TTC so we were excited and shocked that it happened so quick! Well i started noticing my stretch marks when I was 35weeks and started to feel down about my body. (I turned 21 while I was pregnant) I kept telling my husband this is not the body of a 21 year old. I started looking at old pictures of my body in bathing suits. My husband kept reassuring me I was beautiful and that he didn’t marry me for my body and that he loved me. I had my daughter in June the day after my husbands birthday. My water broke on his birthday (what a wonderful gift :) ). The labor was a little rough my daughter had what the Dr’s called a traumatic birth. She had her cord double wrapped around her neck..and she was not crying when she was born. She failed the Apgar test 2 times no one told me what was going on (which I was thankful for) but I just knew something was not right….then I heard her beautiful crys and the tears just came in. We almost lost our little girl and I am so glad she is here with us today. When I look at my body I just look at my Daughter and think who cares what my body looks like I have a beautiful little girl to show for it…and I almost didn’t have her. I am thankful to God for giving me a healthy, beautiful baby girl :)!

Age: 21
Births/Pregnancies: 1
My child is: 2 months old

A Healthier Lifestyle (Georgia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 9 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

Age: 25
Pregnancies: 1 Births: 1
Weeks PP – 13

I thought I would give another update on how things are going. Im 13 weeks post partum. Loving every minute of being a mommy. I have lost all of my pregnancy weight, plus 8 pounds more. I have been doing, Lindsay Brins postnatal bootcamp dvd workout. Saved my life! Lol.

My husband and I decided 3 months ago to change our lifestyle. Get in better shape and eat better, so we can be healthier for our son. He lost 20 pounds and is very fit now, I lost 15 pounds and have trimmed up a bit. There are still good days and bad days. Sometimes Im like “Whos breasts are those? So deflated and soft..” and “Why wont the layer of fat on my tummy go away?!” other days I think “Im looking pretty dang good for 13 weeks PP..” .. I think no matter what we will have these good days and bad days.

I hope someday when I have a daughter.. my unhealthy relationship with my body will have changed.. I never want her to think shes not good enough. I want to show her how to live a healthy lifestyle and love herself. My mother never showed me that.

Anyway this will be my last update until 1 year post partum.

Pictures: My before and afters (1 week PP and 13 weeks PP), my son, my son and I, and my little family. ( If you want pics of me pre baby, please see my previous posts =) )

Thanks for reading! and hang in there ladies! Remember: “Be miserable or motivate yourself, whatever has to be done, its always your choice..”


Updated here.

Only 9 days postpartum, but discouraged… (Renee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Toxemia, Update 11 Comments

I gained 65 pounds with my son. It’s not that I was overeating; quite the opposite was true. I started uncontrollably gaining weight (sometimes 7-9 lbs a week) and finally the doctor caught on. I had pre-eclampsia. Needless to say, all that extra water stretch my skin out something bad. On July 12, I gave birth to my son (after a 3 hour labor). Now, 9 days post, I am 31 lbs lighter but still discouraged. I know I should be patient but I am so scared that my husband will leave me soon just because I don’t look right…. Right before I got pregnant, I was desperately trying to lose weight that some meds had made me gain. Now, I don’t know if I’ll accomplish it…I can’t stand to look at myself.

~Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 9 days postpartum

Updated here.

22 Weeks, Second Post (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 12 Comments

Original entry here.

Age: 22
First Pregnancy

My last post was at 16 weeks. I’ve been reading the other stories on here and decided to post again. For those who read my last post, I’ve been battling an eating disorder since I was 10; my issue with weight gain has followed me throughout this pregnancy. Specifically, when my doctor says he’d be a “little concerned” if I hadn’t gained any more weight by my 22-wk appointment (scheduled this week), my first thought is “OK, a challenge!”

And I’ve spent the last six weeks doing everything I can to stay at the 163lbs I was at my last appointment. I tried to be healthy while still avoiding any additional weight gain… although I know that sounds like an oxymoron. I weighed myself today and I’m 166 at 5′ 7″ I’m doing my best to have a fit and active pregnancy; I walk every day, try to eat healthy, and very rarely have sugar– I’m still struggling with being okay with an extra pound or two, though. Maybe that extra pound is in my bra now– I went from a small B to a C. Yikes.

To be honest, I think I’d be more okay with the weight gain if I looked more pregnant. I spent too much pre-pregnancy time working my abs though, lol. Interesting point of view, huh? I wonder when I’ll “POP” and start looking obviously pregnant (since next week I enter my sixth month). Right now I still feel like I look thick, not pregnant. Here’s hoping that changes soon! Thanks for the support everyone!

First pic: 2 months pre-pregnancy stomach (145lbs)
Second pic: 18 weeks pregnant
Third pic: 21.5 weeks pregnant (covered)
Fourth pic: 21.5 weeks pregnant (belly bared)

Updated here and here.

Coming To Terms With Being Pregnant (Anon)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 15 Comments

Age: 22
Pregnancies and births: currently pregnant (4 months)

I found out I was pregnant March 24, 2010. It was a shock for both me and my husband, and I cried when I called to tell him. I wish I could be noble and say that they were tears of joy, but I was shocked, upset, and did not want to be a mother.

I’ve been obsessed with my weight since I was 10 years old. In high school I developed an eating disorder, but my weight remained between 140-150 at 5′ 7″ The lowest I ever got was 135 and you could count all my ribs. I always felt fat, always felt that number on the scale was the only thing that mattered. I carry a LOT of muscle in my legs and have always been pretty thin on top, so it’s hard for me to look healthy when my weight gets too low. I met a man who thought I was beautiful inside and out, grew comfortable with my body and stopped fighting it. Four years later, we went on vacation while I weighed 174, and while I wished I weighed less, I didn’t think I looked entirely undesirable. When my hsuband went out to sea (he’s in the Navy) I went about frantically losing weight, exercising, dieting religiously… when he got back 3 months later I lost 30lbs and settled at 145.

Three months later I had settled at a non-dieting weight of 154… and that’s when I found out I was pregnant. And that positive test result was like a death march in my head: YOU ARE GOING TO BE FAT. And there’d be nothing I could do about it. I’ve been making peace with the idea of gaining weight, it’s not easy. I had to start eating throughout the day when I was used to eating one or two meals and occasionally purging. I’ve been chilling around 163 for the last three weeks. I try to exercise every day– I have leg weights I do lifts with, a treadmill and stationary bike– I want so badly to be fit for my pregnancy so that after the bit I can go back to being the way I was.

My husband’s shipmates tease him by saying I’ll gain like crazy and I’ll be a whale…. to his credit, he sticks up for me and says I’m too devoted to my body to let self go like that and whatever weight I do gain will not make me fat, it’ll make me pregnant. I’ve found that I love hearing him say that. Do I look fat? No, baby, you look pregnant. I could get used to that. I’m grateful that I’ve managed to find a man who has never once used my physical body to put me down. He’s never called me fat, never said anything derogatory toward me.

I do love this site. It makes me feel like I have the courage to face what may happen to my body with a little dignity instead of running from it like a child. I’ll definitely post again when I really start showing… right now the suspect baby bump comes and goes. I don’t want to be stick thin anymore. I’ve made enough peace with my body that I can accept it’s beautiful as it is; I no longer think models like Miranda Kerr and Alesandra Ambrosio are healthy-looking or that their bodies are particularly enviable… I am built like a woman, I could never look like a little boy, it’s not in my genes. I’ve grown to respect and adore models like Lizzie Miller and Crystal Renn, they have the womanly figure and make me aspire to look more like Aphrodite… not Angelina. When I look at their beauty, it gives me confidence that I can stay healthy through this pregnancy and still be beautiful afterwards— even with a few stretch marks and extra pounds.

First Picture: me, July 2009 (174 lbs)
Second Picture: me, December 2009 (145 lbs)
Third Picture: 15 weeks along (163 lbs)
Fourth Picture: 16 weeks along (still 163, but where did the bump go??)

Updated here, here and here.

One of the “lucky ones” (Lxnn)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 9 Comments

age 28
one pregnancy one birth
my son is now 2 ½ years old

I say “lucky” because in reality I do not have many stretch marks and the ones I do have are light. I have returned to my pre-pregnacy weight but that does not mean I am at my pre-pregnacy shape. I gained 70 pounds during my pregnancy. Watching your body go through such a transformation in it self, no matter what you end up looking like down to road, is something to deal with. I never wanted a kid. I didn’t even like being around children. I was one of those people who scoffed at all the people who go around saying ‘children are a blessings in disguise.’ ‘its different when it is your own child.’ When I found out that I was pregnant my first thought was to have an abortion. I am a naturalist and there for went to a herb store and asked about herbal abortions. Of course they were out of the herb and would not have it for three days. By the time I made it home (actuality by the time I asked about herbal abortion) I knew that I would not be able to go through with that choice. I knew that there was only one option that I would be able to see to the end. To have the child and raise it. The father and I were not together, we were not even talking. He was trying to get sober but relapse, bad, and was now a junkie. So I was pregnant and had no idea if the father was even going to be alive when I gave birth or how I was going to pay my bills. So I was not only dealing with the mental mind fuck but also the physical changes. I think I did well considering! When I gave birth to my son and they laid him on my stomach everything changed, I changed. The father had gotten sober 2-3 months before I gave birth and is still sober today. He also changed. My son was a catalyst for amazing growth in my self and his father. His father and I are still not together but we have stubbornly gotten to a point where we are friends. I know this should be more about the physical shape of a mother but the mental shape is what I had the most difficulty with. I am a single working mom. I have felt the person I was disappear. I am either working or being a mom there is no time to be me. Or so I thought/felt. Every article, book, magazine, what have you I have read has been written from the perspective that you have a significant other. Because of this I stopped reading a long time ago.

Today I am able to see the beauty and strive for balance. I do my best to balance work, time with my son and time for myself. The mommy identity is the biggest part of my life but not the only part. I’ve never been one to stay down long and my son is so amazing that down is not even an option! He amazes me every day and the love I feel for him amazes me every minute. If I get a glimpse of the stretch marks or my mommy pouch it is just a reminder of the little person that I created. In my son’s eyes I am perfect! At least until he is a teenager! I have discovered that when I am able to stay present in the moment when with my son, I am happy. He has been and will always continue to be worth every sacrifice.

And I still have a nice ass!!

5 week PP, hating my body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Teen Mom 8 Comments

Pre-pregnancy weight: 169
Labor Weight: 210
Weight now: 200

I have been struggling with my weight since I was a kid. I was 240 in my sophmore year of high school and just last year I got down to my weight of 157. I wasn’t too happy there, but I was content and felt like I looked great. I met my husband and I gained love pounds. So when I got pregnant I was 169. I lost 20 pounds my first and second trimesters, and then gained it all back when I got to my third. I got a beautiful baby girl now, but now it just looks like I never even had a baby. I just look plain old fat. I’m having the toughest time getting back on a healthy diet and exercise plan. My husband says I’m still attractive to him, but I just hate myself and how I look. I know I have a beautiful baby girl that makes it all worth it, but I can’t help to hate myself for it.

First 3 pictures are of me 5 week PP and my last picture is of me pre-pregnancy

~Age: 19
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1/1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 week PP

Loving My Mommy Body (Georgia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 10 Comments

Original entry here.

So here is my update, I am 12 days postpartum. I had my son on his due date which was really great! He weighed 7 pounds 7 ounces and was 20 inches long. I had a few hours of tough back labor then had the epidural. Best experience of my life. So like I said before, I gained 22 pounds. It stayed that way until the end, I was 180. Pre pregnancy weight was 158 and yesterday I weighed 160. So 2 pounds left to go! I breastfed for a week, but for many different reasons I decided to stop. He took to the bottle right away and things are going much better.

I love my body so far. My tummy is a little softer, and I did end up with stretch marks but they arent too bad. My husband said he loves my new body because it “It makes me a woman”. I love that. I dont mind my stretch marks at all. I earned them. and I would have taken more of them for my son.

Here’s some pics of me 12 days PP, and of my handsome little man.

Updated here and here.

Mom of 3 boys -1 set of twins (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Tattoo, Twins 23 Comments

I wanted to submit this picture as a way of affirming to myself that my body is fine and I don’t need to listen to what others think. I have been going through a difficult time with my husband (soon to be ex) and one of the things he told me as a reason for not wanting sex with me anymore was that he thought I needed to lose weight. I’ve never been stick thin but have been pretty happy with my body. Even after having 3 children, including a twin pregnancy, I was pleasantly surprised at how well I thought my body handled it. Then the one comment from my husband made me feel worthless and ugly. I found this website when I was pregnant with my twins and I always thought how wonderful it was that women were brave enough to share all of themselves. Women are beautiful no matter what shape, scar, stretch marks etc and I wanted to include myself in this mentality.

~Age: 35
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 3 births (1 set of twins)
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 yr old and 1 yr old twins

051710-anon-1

Take 2 – Still haven’t accepted my new body! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 15 Comments

I originally posted here when I was 6 weeks post-partum!

I’m now 21 weeks postpartum and my feelings are still pretty simillar! I have better days than others, very rarely, but they do occur! I just can’t accept that this is the body that I have to live with for the rest of my life! I can’t even see the point in exercising, toning up etc, as the stretchmarks will never go, they’ll always be there! I find it totally incomprehensible how a mother can look at their stretchmarks and call them badges of honour, I really can’t! The way I see it is that my skin is now ugly and scarred! But then a good day I’ll look at myself and think I am a mum, a very proud mum at that and why should I be ashamed, I am the way I am because of my beautiful boy, but then I’ll look at myself and can’t believe that it’s me!

I’ve become so jealous of mothers who go back to looking normal and just ask why me? Why am I scarred and they’re not!! It’s such an awful outlook, I should feel good for them mothers who are fortunate enough to get their pre-pregnancy body back, but I can’t and jealousy is such an evil feeling and I don’t like myself for feeling that way.

I still don’t undress infront of my partner and our sex life has dwindled dramatically – 6 times since having our child to be exact! The first time I hated it and after my partner sensed something was wrong, he asked me and I cried!!! Not exactly a turn on is it??? My partner, as always, assures me I’m sexy, but what’s sexy about having sex with a top on….??? He’s my partner of 5 1/2 years, yet the thought of getting unchanged in front of him just scares me, as I’m scared he’ll think ‘what am I doing with her?’ and then I’ll be alone! But the thought of being alone doesn’t fill me with complete dread, as then I won’t have to get initimate with anybody!

I honestly don’t think my partner knows the full extent of how I feel, I’m sick of going on about how much I hate myself!!

I’m actually considering saving for a boob tube, as my breasts are so saggy and empty, they’re gross and just make me shudder whenever I catch a glimpse of them in the mirror!!

I just cannot see me ever changing my opinion of myself and don’t even get me started on bikini season! We’re not going away this year because I just don’t want to wear a bikini and expose myself for everyone to see, especially in daylight! I guess it’s tankinis and swimsuits for me now – which is something I associate with old women, but hey….

On the plus side my baby boy gets more beautiful and whenever he smiles at me it fills me with so much joy and despite the fact that I despise my saggy breasts, belly and bum, as well as the stretchmarks on the thighs, belly, bum and backs of my knees, I wouldn’t change him for the world, in fact I’d go through it a thousand times over just so I can have him with me!!

My pictures are –

front
back
side
belly
side of belly

All of the above is why I despise myself!

Updated here.