Submissions

An Everyday Battle (Grace)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 4 Comments

Age: 21
Postpartum: 21 months
Number of pregnancies: 1

Everyday my mind changes about my body. One day I will be fine and the next day I’m angry. I have a beautiful baby girl whose 21 months old. Shes happy, healthy, and she knows her momma loves her. I gave birth Jan 4th 2010, via c-section at 6:47pm. She was 9lbs 3.5oz. I gained 36 pounds and manged to lose it all but 5 pounds within 2 months of having her. But, between then and now, Ive gained an extra 15. I look back at pictures and it just makes me sad. How can my fiance love me and I look like this? And he has just gotten better looking… I am lucky, because I believe he loves my body more today than when he met me. But, I don’t. I work out 5 days a week. I run about 2 miles and have managed to lose about 9 pounds but I see no difference. I am on a mission to love myself again, to be healthier and happier. My fiance deserves it, and so does my daughter. The pictures included, are me about 3 months before getting pregnant, and what my stomach looks like now.

Apparently Delusional (Megan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Submissions 23 Comments

I am a 28 year old mother of two. I had my second daughter a year ago and my other daughter is 7 years old. I feel so horrible about myself and my body. I am 5’6″ and supposed to be 150 pounds and a size 4-6. I’m still a size 9/10 about 175 pounds and I am gross. Absolutely gross. My body bounced back relatively quickly after I had my first daughter. Plus I was smoking and working full-time in fast food. I’ve been a stay at home mom now pretty much for the past six months and before that I was in school. I have lost about 50 pounds since I had my 2nd but its just not acceptable. My legs and stomach are flabby and gross. My breasts are saggy and nasty. My face even looks different. I look older.

My husband looks about 23 years old with his damn baby face. He used to be a little overweight but since his new job hes back to looking studly again. I feel like a nasty old fat cougar with him. As if people at the store look at us and say, “look at that good looking guy with those beautiful children. What is he doing with that ugly fat girl?” It is devastating and maddening. People think nasty things like that. its the hard core truth about this stupid world.

Today I just told him in a text that I don’t want to have sex anymore. I am too embarrassed. Why should I put him in a situation where he has to pretend to think someones attractive. He apparently doesn’t look at porn anymore but he FINALLY realized that it hurt my feelings because of my own body image. But ya know who am I to deny a man’s rights of looking at something beautiful and sexy while I am such an ugly disgusting fat pig? I don’t think he would cheat on me but I wouldn’t blame him if he wanted too. I mean REALLY who wants this. Poor guy,he must feel so guilty for having to lie when he tells me I’m beautiful and all he wants is me. I’m too depressed to excersise. I walk a lot and people say I am looking really good. But I know they are just lying to make me feel better and because they don’t want me to starve myself like I had in the past. I love my children but I hate my life and who I am. And I feel so bad for my husband and all the people in the world who are subjected to looking at me.

The pic in the dark blue dress is new and the body pics are as well. the one of me and my husband dancing are from when I was thin and sexy.

My Story (Amber)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 7 Comments

I am Amber. I just turned 24 years old. I have been pregnant, and given birth three times. I had a midwife with all three pregnancies. I Now have three little boys. Gabriel, Isaac and Levi -ages (a few days away from) 5, 3 1/2 and just turned 2. That makes me 25 months PP. The first two were natural home births, but Levi, I delivered in a hospital because my water broke before I was in labor. They induced labor and I delivered him naturally. He was two weeks early and weighed 7 lbs even. Gabriel, my oldest was born a day before his due date and weighed 8 lbs 7oz. Isaac was two days before his due date and weighed 8lbs 4oz.

I am married to a wonderful man. He is a true blessing to me! I met him through family connections when I was nearly 18. (He was 24) We got married only 6 weeks after we met, one month before my 18th birthday. I got pregnant about 5 months later. My first child was born shortly after my 19th birthday. The second, 14 months later. 22 months after my second, came my third. Yes I am busy.

My family wasn’t planned. Really more a result of non-planning. I wasn’t against having children. I always knew I would be a mother. But I was rather passive about the whole thing and honestly, was in a mindset of “letting God decide” what He wanted my family to look like. That seems ridiculous to me now. I am on birth control now. -I have no regrets. Please don’t hear me saying that! God made me fertile. He is not going to be sitting there blocking my husbands semen because we can’t afford another kid and I am overwhelmed. If I have unprotected sex with my husband I AM deciding to have another baby… Not God! I am so grateful for my husband and I, blindly stepping into marriage, and foolishly reproducing because I love my family dearly. Although it was just that: blind and foolish, God was looking out for us, while we were making the decisions. I can’t blame God that it is hard. I don’t really know what I am doing in a lot of ways, but I do trust Him. And I trust that God can use all things together for good for those who love him. I am incalculably blessed with supportive family and friends, a loving husband who is a loving father to our children, Healthy children, and so much more. I wouldn’t trade it, BUT I wouldn’t exactly recommend following my example, either.

I had amazing “easy” pregnancies. I don’t like to talk about it much because of the hate filled glares I receive when I mention things like, “no morning sickness” or “30 lb weight gain during pregnancy with 20 of that gone after childbirth” or “4 hour labor, with 3 pushes” but I am grateful! Don’t worry, I pay for it now with three wild toddlers. And I guess I’m okay with the stretch marks. Of course, I was hoping I’d be in the 50 percent who didn’t get them. (My mother had 5 and doesn’t have a single mark.) But, its really not the most important thing in the world to have a smooth, youthful, tight stomach. My husband still thinks I’m hot.

I’m sexier now as a mom of two! (Ana Nelson)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Submissions 6 Comments

my names Ana I’m 21 years old. At 16 I had my first daughter and being that I was so young all my “friends” did not have stretch marks, had perky breasts and did not have well undereye circles. So I felt ugly. I remember before my 1st pregnancy I was 135 pounds. At 5’3″. After I was 195! I could not belive the monster I had become. Strechmarks and flabby here and there and nasty boobs. I didn’t even know how my husband even tried for another. My self-esteem was to the grounds! I was so ashamed. But we decided to have another baby. Me, being selfish didn’t want to cuz I didn’t want to get anymore disgusting. But at the age of 19 my husband and I had our second baby. Before that pregnancy I stayed at 160 and got up to 189. Same thing all over again. EXCEPT one day I remember talking to a girl she was 23 and she was complaining about the SAME things I had. Except I didn’t want to be 23 and still complain. Just hearing her made me mad. To me she was saying she was ashamed at her daughter! And that’s when I caught myself! “wow, all this time that’s what I sounded like?” my first daughter is 3 my second turns 1 and I decided to stop being a cry baby and love every single mark I had! I started working out, changed my eating habit and with the 2 years I breastfed the girls it started shedding. 7 months later. I’m 121 pounds, I might not have a model body but I tell you what? My body NOW is stronger, better looking, than before I had my first daughter! I love my kids and for them I made a change in my health. My mommy body surprises me over and over again! I AM SEXIER NOW AS A MOTHER OF 2! :)

~Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: #1 is 3 #2 is 1

Update (Amber)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 15 Comments

Previous post here.

My third child is now 18 months old and is finally weaned and my breasts have shrunk down to their new size from here on out. Before my pregnancies, my weight was 155 lbs, after my 2nd child weaned my weight was 135 lbs, after the 3rd child weaned, my weight is now 137 lbs. My current BMI is 20, due to the lack of fat my body has left after breastfeeding all 3 of our children (1st: 13mos, 2nd: 15 mos, 3rd: 16 mos). I never tried to lose weight, I just ate healthy, exercised lightly, and took care of my babies naturally.

If you are lose all of your baby weight like I did (and then some), your body takes on another shape – mainly there is extra skin that no longer has fat to fill it and the skin has lost it’s elasticity to snap back into shape. I was wondering if I should get breast implants to fill the skin back out, but after learning that most implants cause major scar tissue and have to be replaced at least every 10 years for the rest of your life – I decided against a boob job. Afterall, the more I looked, the more I saw that this is NORMAL – this is what mothers look like!! Their breasts are saggy, flattened, there is extra skin and you know what – that is just fine because it is a type of beauty that can only be gained from having done an excellent job creating life, selflessly giving of yourself, and I am damn proud of it! I hope my photos will empower you to appreciate your body, however nature has made it, and not feel like you need to conform to the “standard of beauty” that is commercialized.

My Body After Twins (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Twins 24 Comments

Everyone told me when I was pregnant that I would never be able to wear a bikini again because being pregnant with twins destroys your stomach. I want to tell you that that is not always the case. People
also said that if your mom has stretch marks you will too. My Mom has stretch marks, but I didn’t get any. I ate well and a lot during my pregnancy and have not had time to step into a gym since they were born. I was back to my pre-pregnancy shape two weeks after giving birth naturally. I eat whatever and however much I want, nurse and take care of my awesome twin boys. I feel very fortunate and love being a Mom!

~Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: One pregnancy, twins
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: In the picture I am 6 months
postpartum with fraternal twin boys.

Really trying to be positive about my body. (Mia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions 12 Comments

Im 5ft 7 and have always been a very slim girls to the point where other girls were unkind at school with regards to my weight. My pre-pregnancy weight was under 8 stone.

I fell in love at 17 and we moved in together, got engaged at 18 at was married at 19. Shortly to follow was my first pregnancy. We planned for it and fell lucky after 3 months of ‘trying’. At my 20 week scan we discovered i was having a boy and we were so thrilled and happy. We chose his name then and and i had a normal healthy pregnancy. A week and a half past my due date i went into a very slow labour which took about four days off and on!! looking back i suppose thats pretty normal as my body had never done this before but at the time and being so young i was a little over whelmed. After 2 long hours of pushing i gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby boy at a bouncy 9lbs!!

He was perfect and i breast fed with alot of support from my husband and my mum. My tummy after giving birth was stretched and the belly button area looked strange. Weight wise i got back to pre- pregnancy and after i stopped breastfeeding at 5 months my breasts and nipples looked great, pretty much pre pregnancy, but my stomach really bothered me.

When our son was 6 months old he died of sudden infant death sydrome. It felt like the end of my world, our life and like my heart and soul were irreparably damaged to lose him.

3 weeks after his funeral i found out that i was pregnant. We had conceived days before he had died. We felt this to be a gift from our son to keep us going, and it did.

The following year our daughter was born; a normal pregnancy and birth . . . but a whopping 10 lbs 6. We were so happy to have her but were terrified of losing her, to the point where i almost felt like i was living with the responsibility of keeping her breathing. Having said that we enjoyed her and shes now 5, the most beautiful spirited little girl. But in those early months still grieving for my son and having my daughter i think somewhere a long the line i became a little obsessed with my tummy. It had obviously changed not just from pre – babies but since after having my daughter. Since she was so large and my frame is small the skin on my tummy stretched irreparably leaving me with something i felt that i could not live with. So i threw myself into exercise and rubbing creams in 3-4 times a day. After a few months of this my husband became concerned about me and suggested i talk to the eticGP about my tummy. I did an the GP was unhelpful at best; at worst incredibly un-sympathetc to my situation. So i went to see a plastic surgeon and ended up having a partial tummy tuck. My muscle werent touched but the excess skin was taken away. This left me with a big abdominal scar and false belly button but i felt happy with the results. It says something for my state of mind, because i didnt think beyound that day and getting that skin off my tummy. Did i sit and think ‘am i going to have more children?…No.

A year later and we were broody. When our daughter was 2 and half I gave birth to another little boy. He weighed in at 8 lbs 10. He was another beautiful incredible gift. I breastfed again, this time for 13 months and the month i stopped feeding . . . . i conceived our latest and final addition (my husband has had that special appointment earlier this year at the doctors…)

My tummy did not have the loose skin but my scar was very prominant after having been stretched and my breasts were a huge disapointment. After stopping feeding there were a few months between the feeding hormones going and pregnancy hormones filling them back up. They were not pretty.

We were excited, but nervous how we would cope with 3 so close in age. I was also scared. How would my body be after having four babies? How would my breasts look after another breastfeeding stint?
9 months later and we had a another little boy, or not so little at 9lbs 10!! Again perfect and he has completed our family. I stopped feeding when he was 6 months old. He is one next week. i am 27.

How is my body? Well i have been running and exercising for the past 6 months. Rubbing cream into my tummy, scar and breasts like a derranged woman and eating very healthy foods, in hope against hope that i can maybe feel, dare i say it sexy again. But the truth is that even after all i have been through losing my son, and being sent 3 amazing children i am not happy with my body anymore. I am trying to come to terms with it, and all of its changes but the ways in which its changed I have really struggled with. I find it hard to be intimate with my husband and i have really bad days where i feel so ugly.

Here is my moaning list;

I am covered in silver stretch marks, skin hangs funny on my tummy when i lean forward, my belly button resembles a bum hole! My nipples are 5 times the size they used to be and are showing no signs of getting smaller 6 months after weaning and my breast are stretched mark covered deflated saggy sacks. My weight is just over 8 stone.

I have looked on this site for years and finally thought i will make a post. I am slowly learning to love my new body, because at the end of the day it doesnt really matter as long as i am healthy and have the people i love around me, there isnt much more i need x it just sometimes still gets to me :(

Three Boys (Ashley)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 5 Comments

I’m a 26 yr old mother too soon to be three boys. I weighted 96lbs before I got pregnant at 19 and I’m 4’11. I gained 55lbs with my first son Corbyn who is 6 now and he weighted 7lbs 9 oz and was 20 3/4 in long. After him it took a year but I lost down to 92lbs I didn’t work out it just came off from working and from stress and yes I had skin hanging and stretch marks that stayed from the middle of my calf’s to the top of my breasts and yes everywhere in between there even to my crotch. I had my second son Jake at 24 who now is 2 I weighted 102lbs when I got pregnant with him and gained 44lbs with him he weighted 6lbs 11oz and was 21 3/4 in long. I only lost 20 pounds from his pregnancy and everything was still left from the first pregnancy meaning stretch marks and skin. They both were vaginal deliveries and I have noticed the damage it has made too my body but you know what I wouldn’t change any of it and really the only thing that bothers me every now and again is the extra skin only because its hard to find jeans. I love my boys and its all worth it even the sagging breast :) I’m now 34 weeks pregnant with my third boy and I have gained 20lbs so far due to GD I probably would have gained more but I’m on the GD diet and don’t want to take insulin so I’m sticking too it :) Ladies there is no shame in the way our bodies look we are mothers and that is a beautiful gift some women would give anything to look like us just to have the beautiful baby that comes with it remember that !!!

Defeat and Angels (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 34 Comments

Age: 22
Pregnancies/Births: 1/1
Age of child/how far pp: 3 months

I was 21 when I found out I was pregnant, and though it was not planned we could not have been happier. I had always wanted a baby, and now I was going to be a mother! The pregnancy was very easy and I went on to deliver a healthy baby girl at 37 weeks. Though I never had any medical or health problems during my pregnancy I did have self esteem problems. I always had what I considered the perfect body before pregnancy. I was 5’6″ and 115lbs. I was lean and toned, with curvy hips and perfectly round perky breasts. I had 36 inch hips and a 20 inch waist. I loved being able to throw a bikini on and turn heads with no effort. I never had to work for my body, it just was, and I loved it.

Little by little during my pregnancy the weight added up. 5 lbs this month. 7 the next. Until at 37 weeks I topped out at a weight gain of 53 lbs. Every pound was like a punch in the stomach. I hated it. I was watching my figure vanish under the perfect little person that I loved so dearly. I went 36 weeks without a single stretch mark. That was what kept me hopeful the entire time. I knew that if I could avoid stetch marks, then there was a chance I would someday feel pretty again. Then suddenly, almost overnight, they were there. All over my lower stomach. My sides, my thighs and on the back of my knees. I cried harder than I have ever cried before when I saw those horrible streaks across my skin. I delivered one week later.

I am currently 3 months postpartum and having a very hard time accepting my new body. Everything is different. My bone structure has changed, my hips and rib cage are inches wider, my stomach is flabby and not smooth, my skin is textured and uneven. My breasts, which I now hate, went from a B cup to a DD and now sag. I have cried every time I have taken a shower since the day she was born. I cannot look in the mirror when I am naked. Even though my husband will tell me every day that I am beautiful and perfect, I will not let him touch my stomach because I don’t want him to feel my skin. He used to joke that I was his trophy wife, and he wanted to take me every where he could and show me off. I feel like I ruined those dreams for him. I am no longer the trophy wife he married, but I am the woman with the stretch marks who should never be seen in a bathing suit ever again.

I weigh 125 lbs now, only 10 lbs more than before I got pregnant. I have breast fed my baby since the day she was born, and I believe that helped some, but I can not seem to lose the other 10lbs, and I fear that even if I do I will still never fit my old cloths, I will never have smooth soft skin ever again, and I will never be as little as I was. I fear that even though I love my baby and my husband more than life itself, that I will never be able to love my body. I will never have self confidence. I will never feel beautiful or pretty, and sexy is a word that will never be uttered in my direction. Maybe I sound vain and petty? Maybe I do. But these feelings that I live with every day, they do not feel so petty to me. When society has been screaming at you since you were 5 that you must look this way to be beautiful, and the mirror is screaming at you that you will never even be close, it does not feel petty. It feels like defeat.

Even though I feel this way about my body, I am determined to hide it from my daughter. I want to teach her that she does not have to look like the girls in magazines and on the t.v. That she is perfect just as she is. I know this is going to be hard to do when I can not even tell myself that, but I am determined. Afterall, the only thing that keeps me going is the enormous amount of love that I have for my daughter and my husband. I do not think I would be here today without them. They are my world. They are my angels. I live to see the smiles on their faces, and even though I look at myself and feel like I am all used up, I would not change anything, because doing so would mean that I would not have my little family. My little world.

The first two pictures are from before pregnancy, and then three are of the stretch marks and the extra weight at 3 months pp, and the last one is me at 36 weeks.

My Story (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 5 Comments

Pregnancies : 1
Age:19.

I had a beautiful baby girl almost three months ago and I am so happy with my life besides one thing…my body. P re-pregnancy I weighed 130 pounds but it looked more like 120 and I am 5’3 I had very toned abs smaller hips and a 34 C bra size. I gained 30 pounds during my pregnancy so that put me at 160 and I was perfectly fine with that. My baby weighed 8lbs 4.4 oz so I was glad that she was healthy. When I said I was perfectly fine with that I mean that I felt good about it except for when it came to my husband. He hardly looked at me once my belly started getting big and if he did look at me it was only at my chest. After my baby I lost all of the weight I gained within 2 weeks and I think that was because of breast feeding. So, I am back down to actually 128 pounds and left with a bra size of in between a D and a DD and stretchmarks on my belly, boobs, butt, and upper thighs. I am so dissatisfied with my stretchmarks and I think it is because my husband doesn’t look at me the same…or is it all in my head? My hips also got wider throughout my pregnancy and haven’t gone down any. I know that some women say stretchmarks are your mommy badge but that’s not the way I feel which is weird because when I see other women with them I think nothing of it. I just hope that I can someday love my body again. Even if I don’t my daughter will always be worth it no matter what.