I became a widow 2 years ago in my early 30’s. I didn’t expect to be dating ever again…the prospect of showing your naked torso to a man who didn’t help put those stripes there is a frightening one to say the least. When the date clothes come off this is what you see…no hiding the marks of motherhood.
34 yrs old
4 pregnancies, 3 live births (2 teens and a 4th grader)
I am 24 years old, I have 2 beautiful little girls – a 2 year old and a 6 month old, and I love them with all my heart and soul. However, I am so disgusted and ashamed of my body that I won’t let my husband see me naked. I gained 40 pounds with both pregnancies and lost all the weight plus some 2 months after each. What I am left with is horrible rippling stretch marks, loose dough like stomach skin, saggy breasts and a flat tush! I have always had insecurities, especially about my face – pretty has never been a word I have ever described myself with, and now that my body is ruined too, I just feel so ashamed. My husband calls me beautiful, and I know he’s lying since he watches porn and has always been very critical of other women’s bodies. When we do have sex and I’m not covered, i can’t enjoy it. My doctor told me there is nothing I can do about my skin. So now I need to find a way to cope with my body as it is. It is to the point where I can’t concentrate or have fun with my children because all I think about is how ugly my tummy has become.
I have been really depressed over the years about my body. I have always been small chested, not even a full A cup. I have had four children. Breast fed the youngest past a year old. My cup size ranged from a before pregnant to probably a DD. Then back down to a 30B (technically a typical A cup) after weaning. I always thought there was something wrong with my breasts because bras never fit right. Wait! it was the bras that were the wrong size. Nobody ever taught me that! Finally realized I was a 30 band size and that changed everything.(american eagle bras fit me great!) I still dont like how they hang and are deflated. Sometimes I get really depressed about it. I dont feel like a woman a lot of the time. But then I have to realize that I shouldn’t base my self esteem on what i think others view me as. I started working out hard. It helped lift the breasts a little. Why can’t deflated be sexy too?
~Age: 37
~Number of pregnancies and births: 4
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: youngest is two oldest is an adult.
I’m always struggling with accepting my new body. I know we should not dwell on the negative of child birth when the positive is two beautiful girls now 6 and 5. I’m 30 now but still struggling with insecurities. I would love to be this fit mom but with a full time job getting out late and then coming home to spend time with my girls before bed, I find it hard to go to the gym. Even though my husband tells me he doesn’t care what I look like, It’s hard to accept that this is how my body will look from now on, I just wish I could have the same confidence as all the amazing moms out there, I will get there eventually it’s just taking me a bit longer!
I was enjoying a rare empty house! No kids no spouse. So I decided on a load of laundry and a nice long hot shower. My clothes were not dry yet so I just laid in my comfy bed and surfed the net…with just a shirt on,while I waited for my clothes.
The warm bright morning sun peeping through the cracks in curtains caught my eye, but something else did to and it was beautiful, it was pretty, it was sexy, it was everything I have thought beauty to be and it was MY BODY! O M G it was MY body! The same body I have thought ugly my whole life! The same body I have filled my head with negative thoughts about, The same body that after 2 kids and a zillion stretch marks I thought was disgusting was now, in a one second moment …BEAUTIFUL!!
I snapped the picture with my cell and sat there a long time wondering how this happened? It was very confusing! How did I just go from years of feeling the negative thoughts about my plus sizeness or my wrinkled belly to thinking – wow look at me, look at my body! My body is not damaged like I have been thinking, it’s a fucking master piece!
I don’t know why or how this thought happened but it happened and that one moment opened the flood gates of positive self-talk about the loveliness that is ME!
I will always keep this picture close to me now, just so I can remember that feeling of self love, it’s a strange feeling and feeling it for the first time at 32 years old was crazy and Enlightening!
I was glad I found your site and I feel happy just sharing this moment!
Thank you so much
After my first pregnancy, I was very unhappy with my body. I stopped eating healthy and my weight yo-yoed constantly. When my son was 2 years old, I found out I was pregnant again and I cried. I wasn’t ready to add another child to our mess. I was a nervous wreck. I even kept losing weight a few months into my 2nd pregnancy. It got so bad that my nurse practitioner encouraged me to start taking meds to control my anxiety. Then halfway through the pregnancy, I noticed that my navel was sticking out more than the first time around and it was tender to the touch. My OB said it was an umbilical hernia (it wasn’t) and would probably get better after I delivered the baby (it didn’t). The discomfort got worse as the pregnancy went on. When I was in labor, the contraction pain was all in my back because of the muscle damage. Two months postpartum when I got permission to exercise, I began with a workout video called Six Week Six Pack. I lost a few pounds, but my stomach looked even worse. So I exercised harder! Sadly it took a few years for me to learn about Diastasis Recti and realize how much worse I had made things. When I started seeing a physical therapist, she was appalled. For months I was not allowed to lift anything over 5 pounds and absolutely no sit-ups. I’ve been wearing a brace and doing pilates and water aerobics to try and heal the damage I did to my core muscles. It’s exhausting and frustrating, but my stomach actually looks like a stomach again! I probably won’t ever have a six pack, but my kids love my squishy belly.
~Age: 33
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 8 and 5
I have had two beautiful children, an 8 year old and 4 year old. I’m 34 now and I feel like since my second child and since hitting my 30’s my body is much different then it used to be. My breasts are much less full and perky and my stomach will never be as flat and tight as it once was. I look back on the body I used to have and am envious and wish I had appreciated it more back then!
I don’t know if I’ll ever get to a point where I feel that comfortable with my body but I appreciate how it carried and delivered my babies.
I just wanted to share the photo I just took of my son falling asleep squishing my belly. I have five children. He’s my youngest, almost 3yrs now. I had to have a hysterectomy and I haven’t been feeling the best since then. I don’t get many moments like this with him since I have been sick a lot lately. So I don’t like how my belly looks but I treasure this moment.
I know you take entries from women because this is, after all, about the shape of a mother, but I would love to share a story from a man’s eyes and perspective.
I grew up around women. Seven of them and I greatly respect them all. I was raised by all of them as they were all older than me. As I grew I came to see many of these women have babies. As they had babies, their bodies would change but something else would change as well. Something I still admire to this day and love about the wife. The most beautiful thing in my eyes. Many men I know have this hard wired thought that women are the weaker of the sexes. I beg to differ. (I know that’s hard to believe a man said that, but of course you knew that.) What I’ve seen, especially after watching these women push out babies, which takes strength in itself to do, is the strength that women have to love this child. The strength you have to raise this child. The strength you have to push on even when you feel like crap about yourselves for how you look. Your bodies are beautiful ladies and they did something even more beautiful. You brought our children into this world. Know that that is what makes you more beautiful than anything else. I wish more men would tell you this because we may not like to admit it with our, “I’m a man, we don’t say that” type of egos but the truth is… You’re what makes us who we are from the day you become pregnant, to the day we have to say goodbye. Your strength and love is what is more appreciated than anything. So when you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, remember the true beauty you hold and smile.
Two sets of twins and I love every mark on me! Blessed so much my kids are so precious to me and have made my life so much more than I could ever imagine xx
