Submissions

Hating My Body (Shantel)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 10 Comments

age 23
1 pregnancy
3.5 post partum.

I have always loved my body for the most part, I’ve always been attractive and confident. It is very difficult to see myself the way I look after I had my son because this isn’t the me that I see when I think about myself. I honestly think my belly is hideous it is the worst stomach I’ve seen out of anyone I personally know that has been pregnant. I have seen worse on the internet, but honestly not too many seem worse than mine. My boyfriend claims to not mind at all but I know he does, he rarely have sex anymore and I cant help but think its because of my stomach. I hate it and its really hard to have confidence. I weigh 124 right now i used to weigh 110 so Im really not that far off weight wise but its wrinkly and saggy :( I would wear a size 5 if it were not for my belly and i have to wear 9s.

the first picture is a nude picture of me right before I got pregnant.
the second is of me while I was VERY pregnant. not sure exactly when but it wasn’t long before I had Connor.
the rest are all of my 3.5 months postpartum.
please excuse all my clothes on the floor lol
me with clothes on
and the last is of me and my baby boy Connor

Updated here.

I Love My Body (Gwen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 5 Comments

I have been so thankful to have found this site; it helped me through a period in my life where the physical changes of my body were difficult to keep up with. My self-image and esteem were in a young, and unstable place when I got pregnant. As much as I have always been thankful for my fertility, and having brought my son into my life, I won’t lie: There have been hard times, where I have been genuinely out-of-sorts about my shape, and the way I changed when I got pregnant, and my body after that.

Women have a lot of bad press that surrounds what we are told we need to look like, and what shapes we need to be. We will most likely have more gains and losses in weight because of motherhood, and hormonal changes, and hosts of other things that we will endure in our lifetimes. Some of the things I have read through this site, from brave and loving women and mothers, have gotten me to REALLY see the reality of what we all think – and never dare to say aloud.

There have been other things that have made me so incredibly sad. Words that women have said about themselves that are not only untrue, but they’re unfair. A body is beautiful not because it is perfectly thin, and the skin is flawless; it’s beautiful because there is NO other like it in the world! It will conceive, nurture, and bring forth PEOPLE! It will create milk for an infant, and warmth to soothe tears, arms for wrapping in loving embraces, and so many more AMAZING things! I find that frequently it’s so saddening to read how women *really* feel about themselves, especially when what *I* see is SO beautiful.

I can’t deny that the weight I’ve lost doesn’t make me feel good about myself on some level; but look at the time it’s taken me. Honestly, I didn’t make this as much of a priority as a lot of women do. I let nature take what it needed, and left what *I* needed to be healthy, and sustain breastmilk, and just be able to have time to experience what I wanted, and not feel the stress and strain of what other people thought I should be doing. My body is not perfect. my breasts hang lower, my thighs aren’t smooth anymore, the flesh of my stomach is rife with faded stretch marks. This is what I’ve got, and dammit I love it.

From day 1, my husband has accepted my shape the way it was (12 mos PP), and loved me unconditionally. This is a love I hope every person has, or will have. He has seem my body at its best, and when it was in the transition of post-birth. The expressions I see from him while we are intimate have never lost their enthusiasm. We have both changed physically, and have worked through the hardships and the ups/downs of how we wanted to see ourselves. Love and marriage aren’t always easy, but he has been my pillar through this journey.

I fervently hope that people keep here keep inspiring each other on this site, and keep supporting each other. I have come to love the honesty, and the raw stories people share about their fears and triumphs, and newly found loves in their motherhood and their beautiful children. The support of women who doubt their own beauty and can reclaim their self-confidence, and share that empowerment with each other is an important boon to one another. The love of our families, husbands, dear-ones, and friends are also just as important because there are those of us who don’t want to open our ears to listen to that praise and love.

Our bodies will change, and life will keep forcing us to adapt. This is the nature of the world we live in. Our bodies have such great capacity for miracles that it is almost wrong that we find the aftermath SO damaging to our minds, and feelings about WHO we are. MY body is not WHO I am, it is what I exist in. This is my vessel, and that BEAUTIFUL vessel carried me through pregnancy and a son who has changed everything I ever knew about love, and about what legacy I will leave this world. I would never make any other choice, if given an option to go back.

Love yourselves, ladies. You are the absolute essence of beauty, and the most important part of who we are as human beings. Thank you, everyone, for everything you share. Keep supporting each other, keep showing each other that this is not something we need to be afraid of, or feel terribly about. THIS is beauty!!

First Photo: 7.5 mos pregnant
Second photo: 12-18 mos pp. NOT my most flattering angle!
Third Photo: Take today, 34 mos PP. 154 lbs.
Fourth Photo: Side
Fifth Photo: Side
Sixth: Side, where you can see I have some belly left. :) It can get hidden in the angle, but I assure you there is no flat tummy here.
Seventh: Full-belly shot. Stretch marks are still there, I promise! They’ve faded away into the rest of me. :)
Eighth Photo: My beautiful son.

Something I Cannot Fix (Marissa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 17 Comments

Age:19
One daughter (Lily), one birth/pregnancy.

I gave birth at the age of 16. Big life change after that moment. I have done great as a mother and as a student. I tried to be perfect in every way and love my daughter to the fullest! She makes my day. =) But many obstacles have shown up, and i conquer them one by one. No one said it would be easy. But yet again, no ever said that your body would be least of your worries. I am insecure and depressed. At 140 lbs, 5ft4 I think about my weight everyday and about food. I hate mirrors and a flaw is always on my mind. It makes me feel worse. Stretch marks cover my breasts, under my arms, behind my legs and all over my stomach, butt and thighs. Why me? Every other teen who got pregnant was able to flaunt in a bikini the very next day. Why did i get all scarred up? It was sad when i had to hide in the changing rooms at school and girls would give me disgusting looks and tell me they hope they disappear soon. I sadly tell them they are permanent scars and they reply back, “Really? Ew. I will never get pregnant then.” It just bums you out when you have to be nervous about wearing shorts or having a muffin top. My stomach is like a w shape, and has loose skin. My breasts are small, but not perky and full. I want to feel beautiful and sexy. I just want to stop worrying about my looks. I just need to learn that i cannot fix it and move on. My toddler is the only thing that should matter to me. I love it when she grabs my belly and gives it kisses. I smile and tell her she once lived in there.

Amazing Stretching Skin (Ann)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 3 Comments

When I found out I was pregnant, post-baby changes were one of the more minor things on my mind. That said, I was very careful to eat extremely healthy during my entire pregnancy and ended up gaining about 30 pounds.

My daughter was a waterbirth with a midwife, born at 39 weeks. She weighed 6lbs. 4oz. I’m sure that her small size affected how quickly I bounced back after the pregnancy.
Another thing I credit my health with after her birth is the fact that I nursed her exclusively. This made me more careful about my diet since my nutrition directly affected her.

I finally weaned my daughter at 2 1/2 and would say that nursing so long had no negative affect on my breasts, and aside from aging a few years, they look basically the same that they did before she was born, with a few added stretch marks :-)

I started doing some yoga and taking long walks when she was 5-6 weeks old. After that, I did Jillian Michaels’ 30 day shred the summer after she was born.

The pregnancy pics were when I was 35 or 36 weeks, I can’t remember exactly. The postpartum pic is from July 2008 (9mos. postpartum), which was during the time I had started working out more intensively. You can see in the 1st. postpartum picture that I have my navel pierced twice. I removed the jewelry when I was about 6 mos. along and put them back in only a few weeks postpartum. The only stretchmark I got on my stomach is actually the piece of skin that contains the lower piercing. Other than that, I got stretchmarks on my thighs and hips that aren’t visible in the pictures. The second postpartum picture is from Mar. 2009, which was 17mo. postpartum.

I am quite happy with my body, and admire the strength that accompanies birth and motherhood. My daughter is now 4 and my husband and I are now considering a second baby, so it will be interesting to see how I recover and what changes might surprise me the 2nd time around.

Age at birth: 24
Age in 2nd picture: 25
1st pregnancy
Pictures: 36 weeks, 9mo. postpartum, 17mo. postpartum

Thank you for an amazing website!

Mother of Four (Jerrika)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy, Twins 7 Comments

My name is Jerrika. I am 24, I have 4 children between the ages of 2 and 6.
I gave birth to my oldest son in 2005, I was 18 year old, and felt like I had lost my body before I have even had one.
I soon had my 2nd son at 20, and felt much the same, negative and self conscious.
I gave birth to my twins in 2009 which after 2 natural births, was a C section,
I now had 4 boys and a body that felt like it had gone through a small war.
I even joked with friends that I had been attacked by a bear, and survived with the scars to prove it!
Although I was what I feel to be lucky, I still have issues every day when I look in the mirror and see what I am left with.
I am logical, and realize that I am not badly scarred. Even though it may not seem like much to some people on this website,
lack of confidence has no maximum or minimum requirements.
I am lucky enough to have friends and family who build my esteem for my everyday, but it still eats at me sometimes.
i never even got to have an adult body, so I will never get to know what I “could have been”.

I love my children, and at this point feel a lot better than I did six years, as this is the body I was MEANT to have.
you get what you get, and I know that I have 4 little boys who I couldn’t be happier to have around.

My name is Jerrika, and I am a free lance model. Pregnancy doesn’t end life, or ruin a body… I’ve earned my stripes! haha. Thanks.

B/G Twins, 4 1/2 Months Postpartum (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Twins 19 Comments

2 pregnancies
2 c-sections
3 kids
2 1/2 yr old girl
4 1/2 month B/G twins
My age: 30

I am 30 years old. I had my first daughter at age 27. She was 8 1/2 lbs, born by c-section due to my hips being narrow and the risk of her getting stuck. I chose the csection. She was the light of my life and in the first few months I couldnt bear to be apart from her longer than 20 minutes or I felt panicky. I hated my body. I hated the flab. My breasts looked decent still, but that was it. I gained 55 lbs and it took a year to lose it all, but my belly was still flabby. Shortly after she turned 2, we started trying for another baby. I was having bleeding for 23 days every month due to low progesterone. We fixed that problem and 9 long months later (i was nervous it would never happen), we got pregnant with twins. This was what I always wanted. Lots of kids, close together and B/G twins! I was ecstatic. I had them at 37 wks, 2 days by c-section due to my boy’s cord presenting and I was 1 cm dilated, they didn’t want to risk me going into labor. The twins were born 6 lbs 14 oz, 20 in and 6 lbs 13 oz, 19 3/4 in. Healthy. No NICU. Came home with me. I gained 65 lbs. I’ve lost 47 lbs now. I’m hideous. Im just 5’1″. And I still get asked if I’m pregnant multiple times a day, regardless of if I have the three kids with me! I have diastasis recti. Can’t do ab work. I’m helpless and in the prison of this body. Friends say, “ur amazing! U manage all 3 kids and u had 3 big, healthy babies! U carried twins to term!” Yada yada yada. Well I didn’t do that. God did. It’s all biological. It just happened. I didn’t do anything. I have 2 daughters and I desperately do not want them to feel like I feel. I want them to love their bodies. The pressure of setting this example is hard. I can’t get past it. I get nauseous when I think about getting dressed. I avoid social situations requiring me to wear more than a sweatsuit. I can’t stand my reflection. My husband says he thinks I’m hot, but in my mind, he has to brainwash himself to think that because he is married to me. Stuck with me. That fat frump with nasty frizzy hair, saggy boobs, and a permanently pregnant belly. I have to wear a belly band with sweatpants to even look decent enough to leave the house. I just can’t get past this. It is ruining my life. How can therapy make me like my reflection? It can’t. I feel helpless. Like a prisoner. And I hate I feel like this. I have thought about what would happen if I used scissors to cut my belly off. I should break my finger to punish me for being fat. I know these are crazy thoughts which is why i would never act on them, but that doesn’t stop them from entering my head. I’ve never thought about hurting my children or anything. They are the only thing that brings me happiness. Without them, I’m pointless. I’m not me. I dont know who I am…but I hate the person in the mirror. The preg pix r 2 wks b/f twins were born

Almost 7 Months Postpartum (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 4 Comments

~Age: 27
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1/1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 7 months
~pre-pregnancy weight: 160. Final pregnancy weight: 230
~gave birth to 9 lb baby girl

I have a ridiculously beautiful baby girl. I had a lot of support from moms on an online message board during my pregnancy. Some of these moms lost their babies. This makes me sad, but thankful for my little girl. I feel so blessed. I look at my stomach. It is covered in stretch marks. My skin just flops over. I remember that this is where my baby grew. This is where she was kept warm, safe, and nourished. I miss the kicks and punches. I always knew she was so safe there. As she grew larger, so did I, and the more stretch marks, the more my skin couldn’t handle it. I am torn. This body is where my angel girl was conceived, where she went from an egg and sperm to an absolute miracle, and it is also a living record of that – recorded in scars and loose skin.

I search for other moms who have what I have, and that have worked hard and gotten rid of the flap. I haven’t found any. I know that I will not look like I did before. I will always be jealous of moms who never get a stretch mark, or have no loose skin. Women who complain about their post-partum bodies, who in reality had very very little change, will always drive me crazy. I am lucky, and I have someone who accepts my body, and no just because I carried his child, but because he loves me. I love him, but cannot help but wonder if the relationship did not work out, who would want me? I would need a tummy tuck. I need a tummy tuck. I want hope. I cannot find hope.

I am almost 7 months post-partum. I have lost 45 lbs, since having my baby. I have a lot more to lost because I gained some before conceiving. I want to lost 50 lb more. My “normal weight” before becoming pregnant was between 135 – 145 (usually more toward the 145-150). I am 5′ 7″, and had an hourglass figure. I always had stretch marks. Down my inner thighs. My breasts. Above my butt/lower back. And my sides. I don’t really know why. I was an athlete, and I maintained my weight until I was in my mid-twenties when I gained 50 lb, but only got 1 stretch mark from that. My weight is now distributed so different. I had a tummy pouch before, but now I have this huge flap. I had little love handles, but now they are really large. I never had back fat, but I do now. Now that some time has passed I am not consumed by how bad my body looks, but I still have sad moments. I wouldn’t change anything. I realize had I put off getting pregnant, then I wouldn’t have this little girl. I have a happy, healthy baby. Whether it is right or not, I feel bad about the way I look, but if it were September 2010 again, I would still try to conceive her. I would do it all again.

The Before, During, and After of My Belly (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 13 Comments

age 28
number pregnancies: 1 pregnant 25 weeks with next

I have always been pretty active and fit, I was 26 when I got pregnant with my son, it was unexpected and my husband and I had only been together for 6 months at the time. I tried and tried to avoid the stretch marks but I already had a ton of old ones from when I went through puberty so I knew it was a lost cause.

The angry little marks showed up around 37 weeks and I decided that I would document the changes in my belly from the end of pregnancy to immediately following the birth, to a couple weeks after to 2 years after to see how my body recovered. The marks do fade but never go away and you learn to live with them, I got a higher cut bikini to hide the old marks the best I can but I really don’t care anymore.

I am now 25 weeks pregnant with my second kid and wonder what will happen this time around, I’m sure I’ll be sad initially but I will look and see that the scars fade and life goes on. =)

picture 1 is of me a few months before getting pregnant

This is me the day I went to the hospital, the marks are hidden by the size of the belly!

This is an hour after birth while laying in the hospital bed

This is two weeks after

Two weeks

2 years after

Pregnant 25 weeks

Third Pregnancy After Eating Disorder (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 3 Comments

I’ve struggled with an eating disorder for about 15 years, now. It started when I was 13. I’ve given birth to 2 beautiful girls, who are 5 and 4 now, and am pregnant again. I reached my lowest weight so far, this past spring, when I dropped to about 110 lbs. I should be 135-150. My BMI (which is a ridiculous way to gauge health) was only 16. It should be 20. I was severely underweight, and sick. I took ‘thinspo’ pictures of myself, one of which is posted below, and looking back now, I am amazed that I was so thin, and still able to get pregnant. I am now 18 weeks pregnant, and have gained a whopping 30 lbs. Bear in mind, if I was at my ‘ideal’ weight, I’d have only gained 10lbs.

Basically, i just want to say that there is hope, and that I am in recovery now, although my weight issues are not gone, and its a struggle every single day. I know I will deal with it postpartum, also, but I’m trying to take it one day at a time. I’ve gotten to about 160 with each pregnancy, so I’m assuming I’ll be there with this one too… But its okay. I just needed to share my story and my photos and show what a healthy, normal woman should look like.

Age: 28
3 pregnancies, 2 births (so far)
5 years, 4 years, and 18 weeks pregnant.
First picture: 16 weeks pregnant, 3rd pregnancy, 140 lbs
Second picture: April 2011, 110 lbs
Third picture: December 2011, 18 weeks pregnant

Miscarriage after giving my son up for adoption 20 years ago. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Adoption, Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 17 Comments

I am a 37 year old mother I have a son whom I gave up for adoption at the age of 16 giving him a better life. Struggling with the thought of if I did the right thing all those years fighting suicide and many heartaches including cancer I managed to happily become pregnant last year and today would have been my babies due date. I was only 7w eeks along when I found out I was pregnant never missed a period, nothing I was so so excited when I finally heard the news I was having a baby the excitement was short lived I delivered a baby in my bathtub 2 weeks later with what I thought was just a kidney stone pain. It was the most excruciating heartbreaking time of my life. I had been cramping all day long but knew already I had a kidney stone something not rare for me. I was in so much pain I decided to get in the bath. Everything happened so fast I did not even have time to drive the 40 min from my small rural town to the city where the hospital was. When I entered the bath I had the most severe pain and started noticing small amount of blood my husband got me out and we went to research it on the computer, and called the dr. I could not find anything that truly explained what a miscarriage felt like what it looked like. My doctor called us back about 20 min later by this time I was already back in the bath trying to relieve the pain. I minutes later had a severe contraction which I now know was the pain and delivered my 9 week old baby.

We called our pastor and he came over and went to the hospital with us. I was bleeding so intensely and was in shock he and my husband boxed our lil baby up I was told by a cruel nurse to just flush it like it was a gold fish or something . We took it to the hospital with us and since it was considered a fetus there was nothing they could do at the hospital I was told I could take my baby and bury it at home in my flower garden or flush it or they could dispose of it. I was like really? How cruel its my baby. I chose to take it home and we buried it under a favorite tree with our pastor.

I am only writing this hoping I can be of help with someone hurting and or wanting to know what a miscarriage feels like . What a baby looks like I was told by the nurses at that size many do not even see their baby. They usually just pass it in the toilet. I however want others to know that I feel your pain and grieve with you. Your baby is your baby the minute you conceive. At 9 weeks I could make out his/her lil fingers , a lil mouth and even a nose. My body is not attractive anymore I received stretch marks when I was 16 with my son. I feel so ugly on the outside even at 37. I thought when I was in my 20s I would just get used to them and well they would fade , they have but are still there and I have a constant reminder that I gave someone a gift more precious than one could imagine.

Attached are 3 photos one of my miscarried baby last year and 2 of me 20 years after giving birth to my son stretch marks and all

Updated here.