Submissions

Pregnancy; The Third Time Around (Melissa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Cesarean, Child Loss, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 1 Comment

~Age: 24
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies 1 birth, 1 miscarriage, now pregnant.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 24 months, and EDD 01/12/2013

Hi ladies! So it has been quite some time since I have posted. I remember first coming to this site nearly three years ago and being awe struck by the amount of honest, raw, emotion and pictures that I saw, and how they empowered me to accept my body, love my daughter, and work through fog of post pardom depression. With my first pregnancy I was in a terrible place in life, a bad relationship, financial debt, middle of finishing school, and extremely naive. (I was 22 when I fell pregnant). Luckily through the support of friends and family I pulled through it all, I ended up ending it with my daughters father when she was 3 months old and worked on gaining that acceptance of myself for who I was and what I had accomplished despite the physical appearance of my pregnancy ravaged body. (This is what I thought at the time). At about 10 months PP I met my current fiance, and he loved and accepted me and my daughter for who we were. I had a hard time believing this, considering he had known me in high school (I thought I was fat then too) at a awesome weight of 150- 155 and curvy as all get out. Here I was sitting at 210, flabby tummy with a crawling 10 month old who was going through teething hell.. How, I thought, could he honestly love us both? Well that got to changing. We moved in together, raised my beautiful daughter, who now has a Papa and a Daddy since I am happy to announce her father finally came around and has been an active part of her life since she was about 12 months old. We got pregnant the 1st time unexpectedly in December. We were overjoyed at the thought and told everyone quickly. Turns out it wasn’t meant to be and I got incredibly sick, ended up in the ER twice in one week and miscarried days before my 24 birthday. We were heartbroken. It took me a month or two of praying, meditating and evaluating my life to come to terms with what had happened. In the end I had found some peace, knowing that that baby was never meant to be born, just give me a wake up call to what really was important, and to fully pull me out of that depressive funk. Fast forward three months, I am a month from graduating with by Bachelors Degree, my daughters father was taking responsibility and growing up, my boyfriend had proposed and we were now engaged, and I had a gorgeous talking toddler. I took a test on a whim considering I had symptoms weeks prior. My fiance and I had discussed trying the following year, giving us time to move out, get stable jobs and settle in to the life we had created. Well turns out we were pregnant again! Found out May 4th, and we were super excited again. I had extremely mixed emotions. I really wanted a second baby, but considering the last one, I was nervous as all get out. Weeks crept by, and my belly got bigger, and the anticipation and nervousness grew. The day of my 12 week ultrasound I couldn’t sleep, eat, or really even function. I was paralyzed by fear. It wasn’t until we heard the heartbeat, and saw our little ones tiny frame wiggling around that we finally relaxed, and had realized we had indeed been blessed by keeping this little miracle.

Well update from that, I did graduate with my Bachelors Degree, and enrolled in a Masters program focusing in Early Childhood Education. My fiance found full time employment, then we moved out to our own place Mid July. I also started working full time just last month (same place as the fiance. lol), working at a call center so that I would be able to bring in income, still go to school, and not wreak havoc on my pregnant form with the ups and downs and lifting requirements from my previous job. (Daycare. hehe love em!) Things seriously could not be better. I love being pregnant this time around, and think it’s actually going by way to fast this time around. With my first daughter there was all this negativity, stress and worry it really took a toll. With this pregnancy I am embracing my pregnant form, love the kisses from my toddler to my belly, and love the moving and kicking that our second little girl is giving us. Granted it can be painful too, she likes to sit in my hip and put pressure on my back, but hey it’s totally worth it. I have a great doctor who is completely supportive of a VBAC as long as certain requirements are met, and is not forcing me into another repeat C if not absolutely necessary. I’ve gained about 8 lbs, and am loving it!

The most I can give is my story and advice. For someone who has been to both sides, experienced a miscarriage and loss, the joys of one pregnancy, and the woes of another, I can honestly say its all about perspective. LOVE THE BODY YOU’RE IN! I cannot stress that enough. I am by no means “fit” as I never quite lost the weight from my first pregnancy, but I figure there is plenty of time for that after my second princess it born, and if I don’t get down to that, oh well! Enjoy life, and enjoy your babies, they grow up way to fast. I know it sounds incredibly cliche, and I was one of those skeptics too, but now I am a believer. Thank you Bonnie, and all of you other brave women out there who expose your tummies, the troubles and the successes, it really helps people like me relate and get through and see their own silver lining.

1.The Rainbow baby Amaia. :) Or maybe Damian if they’re wrong. Don’t really care though. :)
2. Me at 26 weeks! (Far right)
3. This is my first miracle baby who came out of extreme circumstances. Love you Ms. Scarlett! And she’s almost 2!

Motherhood (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 6 Comments

Ive been following SOAM for a few years and always just reading but I decided I might as well participate. Lets see…I developed quite early and was always very down about myself for having bigger breasts and wider hips. I thought it was weird, and almost felt like thats how people knew me as. When I got to high school, I was even more self consious about it. I always felt heavy, and out of place. Now that I look back on it, I think it’s rediculous because if I could have that body now, id be in love with it. It’s hard for a woman to look at the media and see all these beautiful women with perfect bodies and not feel down about ourselves. Or those celebrities who have had kids and managed to bounce right back. Im on the journey of learning to love my body, knowing it brought two beautiful children into the world. Loving my tummy because it provided a nice home for my babies, and my breasts because it provided nourishment. It’s easy to say that, but harder to actually feel it. But then I think women have done this for thousands and thousands of years, and that makes me feel empowered. Soft tummies and stretch marks are realistic. And beautiful. Im still learning that. I dont exactly feel comfortable looking in a mirror at myself naked, let alone having my husband see me naked with the lights on. I feel like I’ve heard time and time again “you look amazing for having two children!” but then I think “well, you havent seen me without my clothes on.” But regardless, it’s just time to love my body now. I should be thanking it.

Age: 22
Number of Pregnancies and births: 2 and 2

Wanting to Love Something That Is Beautiful (Taylor)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 8 Comments

I have never been skinny, my whole life i have watched my mom who has 3 children share clothes with my younger sister when i could never do that. To this day they still do that but now it hurts me more… i am 18 i am 2 months postpartum 25 pounds too heavy and riddled with stretch marks. My mom has no stretch marks and shares clothes with my size 00 14 year old sister who walks around the house complaining about how fat she is. All i can do is look down at my tummy jello and compare myself to her. I have a beautiful daughter and everything my body went through to get to her is well past worth it but i can’t help looking at myself in the mirror and wanting to cry. I was hoping with the way my mom looks i would look ok after having my baby but i wasn’t that lucky. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to accept my body with the way my family looks. I was 17 when i got pregnant, i had just started wrestling and i was almost happy with my body. I had good muscle tone and i liked the size of clothes i wore (3 in jeans… now a size 7). I never thought that the postpartum period would actually be the hardest part of having a baby (body wise). I could accept my weight gain during pregnancy because everyone claimed it was going to get soo much better, that if i breastfed the weight would melt off and of course i would have my beautiful baby at the end. Well i have my adorable baby but where is the body everyone promised me? I feel terrible about not being able to accept it because i did earn it. My boyfriend told me he has never been more attracted to me because of earning all those marks on my body by making our daughter. I just can’t bring myself to feel the same way that he does. I want to love my body but i can’t see how i ever will.

Pictures:
1) pre-pregnancy
2) 32 weeks pregnant (before i really got my stretch marks )
3) my beautiful baby
4) 9 weeks postpartum front
5) 9 weeks postpartum side

Gaining Acceptance and a Little Appreciation (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 3 Comments

Number of pregnancies/births: 2/2
Currently 3 weeks pp: weighing 166 pounds
Weight before pregnancy #2: 155 pounds
Weight on delivery day (40 weeks prego) 194 pounds
Height: 5’10”

After my first pregnancy I realized soon into my pp days that I was “cursed” with this saggy, wrinkly skin and horrendous stretch marks. I was convinced that I was no longer attractive, not now and never would be again. All of my two piece bathing suits went to good will. Not that I was ever completely satisfied with my body, being the typical young female and all, but I had it in me to appreciate my flat stomach and I had pretty nice boobs… Now both of those are no longer in existence. After breast feeding number 1, my boobs sag a bit. Now 3 weeks pp with number 2, I am being reintroduced to my saggy belly. Surprisingly enough, as I look at it now it doesn’t seem as bad as I thought of it the first time around. I think a lot of this has to do with this site and all of the wonderful women sharing their stories/pictures/encouraging words/words of wisdom… Even from the youngest of moms!! When I found out I was prego again, I remember saying to my husband “I promise after this one I will get into the best shape of my life and schedule a total mommy makeover…” he just rolled his eyes and tried to convince me that he finds me attractive and surgery is not needed… Yea right, I thought. Well, no longer do I feel I need a total mommy makeover. I have two beautiful girls. I know too many girls who can’t have kids and would die for my saggy skin so they can hold their newborn in their arms… As I hold my three week old in my arms, and I play with my toddler, I remind myself how blessed I am… Life is crazy hectic but these two beautiful girls are my world and I wouldn’t trade anything for that! Here are some photos 3 weeks pp with number 2… I do still plan to work out and eat healthy so I have a ways to go but I’ve gained acceptance and a little appreciation… Thank you to all who have shared and commented….

Updated here.

Extremely Self-Consious About My 2 Month PP Body (Hollie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 17 Comments

My name is Hollie, I’m 21 years old, and I gave birth to my beautiful, wonderful son Triston 2 months ago. I gave birth vaginally, and slightly underestimated how much it would hurt, haha. I knew that my postpartum body wouldn’t be like my prepregnancy body by any means, but i didn’t expect the stretch marks to completely ravage my stomach, hips and legs the way they have.I’ve always had terrible problems with self-image (my mom would call my thunder thighs when i was younger and told me not to go to the beach for my honeymoon because my husband would definitely look at everyone but me and my dad would tell me i needed to stop eating so much, that I looked like i could eat someone out of house and home.) and that caused me to work out all the time in high school and I ended up with an incredibly toned tummy, and it’s been flat since then.Until I got pregnant and the comments started back up. I remember going to the lake when i was 7 months pregnant with my husband and my much skinnier friend and confidently wearing a 2-piece until my mom asked me how i wear that and stand next to my friend knowing she looked so much better than I did… so this has been like a nightmare to see every time I look in the mirror. I honestly don’t even see how my husband could find me attractive. This website has been a real help to me, when I found it I was on for an hour looking at the stories and pictures and they brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for creating a place like this where mommies like me can feel normal.

28 Weeks Pregnant (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 4 Comments

I am currently 24 years old and am pregnant with my first baby. A baby boy :) My husband and I have been together going on 4 years and have been married for a year, in May of 2012. We had our actual wedding/celebration on March 24th, 2012. On April 20th, 2012, my husband and I found out we were expecting our first child :) We were and are still beyond excited!! I was 6 weeks pregnant when we found out. The journey has been an interesting one! I am 5 feet tall and weighed 130lbs before I found out I was pregnant. I ended up losing 7 pounds in the first few weeks of my pregnancy! My husband and I like to camp and hang out with our friends, as well as hunt and fish and of course drink beer ;) After I found out I was pregnant, I obviously stopped drinking and stopped eating out everyday. I began eating very healthy and drinking lots of water. In the beginning, it was a little difficult for me, as my husband and I are still very young, and love to have fun together with our friends and family. I have always been paranoid about getting “fat” during pregnancy. My belly slowly started to form and finally popped at about 20 weeks of pregnancy. I have escaped stretch marks on my tummy, but have gained some on my breasts. I have attempted to stay active throughout my pregnancy, by doing prenatal yoga at home and in a studio. I also take my dog for walks when it is not 100 degrees outside, and I also do little leg and arm workouts to keep up with the toning. Being 28 weeks pregnant and feeling my little man move around in me is well worth it. I currently only weigh 139 lbs. I am still trying to eat healthy and take care of myself. As of this week, I have become very tired again :( Watching my body grow has definitely been an experience for me. All of my friends are tiny and I tend to get a little jealous when they look so stinkin cute! However, I am happy with my belly and body so far. My legs have always been pretty big! Although, they were the first things to go, I’d say. I will keep you all posted on my journey after motherhood. My babe is due December 17th, 2012 :)!

First picture: 6 weeks 1 day
Second picture: 20 weeks pregnant
Third Picture: 28 weeks pregnant

(Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 8 Comments

I’m 20 years old and pregnant with my first child. I’m 36 weeks pregnant. Before I got pregnant I’ve always been tiny 5’2 and 110 lbs. I loved my body and loved being skinny. Now I’ve already gained about 50 lbs and still gaining. About two days ago I noticed stretch marks and I haven’t stopped thinking about them since. I’m unsure of what to do about them and I’m really afraid of what my stomach will look like after birth. I have used cocoa butter my whole pregnancy it clearly doesn’t work. I’m do self concious and I’m not confident anymore. I just want to be happy with my body and I know I won’t be once I have the baby. Still trying to learn how to cope with everything :(

Body Image Issues; My Partner Gives No Support (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 21 Comments

Age: 27
# of pregnancies: 2
# of births: 2
Children’s ages: 21 months and 2 months

First off, I think I may be having symptoms of part partum depression, but I’m not sure. I know I should talk to my doctor, but I don’t want to be put on medication. My issues don’t affect my daughters, since I still take care of them just fine, but I find myself sitting around crying all the time because of the way I look now.

I’ve never been a vain person, but I was always made fun of in middle and high school because of being so pale and I wasn’t one of the “rich” kids (we lived in a wealthy neighborhood because my dad built our house, not because they bought it, so I went to a wealthy middle and high school) and well, I’m not sure why else other than that kids are just cruel. I’ve been SO upset about my body since my first pregnancy. I tried so SO hard not to get stretch marks with the first one and managed to stay that way…until the last week. I got preeclampsia with my first daughter so I had to be induced. The induction wasn’t working and they were already predicting her to be a large baby, so it was suggested that I get a C-section. I wasn’t thrilled about ANY of it since I wanted to do things all natural. Let’s just say that everything I PLANNED didn’t happen.

I was beyond thrilled when I saw my daughter for the first time and I loved her immediately, but one look at my body and I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. She didn’t want to breastfeed, no matter WHAT I tried, so I didn’t have that venue to lose weight and since I’d had a C-section, I couldn’t do anything for weeks. I tried Pilates, but I don’t have the money to take real classes so the church class I was taking just confused me and left me worse for the wear than before.

I got pregnant again when my first daughter was 10 months old, so that put an end to any form of weight loss. During both pregnancies, I didn’t gain a ton of weight, but I’ve never been a “small” person as it is. I’ve been what I would consider average, but with some extra fat on my hips and thighs (closer to a pear shape). Now – I’m like a deformed apple – it seems like all kinds of extra fat migrated to my midsection during both pregnancies and then you throw in the saggy skin and it’s a recipe for gross.

My partner and I aren’t married (for financial reasons more than anything), but we’ve been together for going on 7 years. Before I got pregnant he never told me things like how beautiful I am, etc. but it didn’t bother me because I didn’t look the way I do now – ruined. If he would have left, I could have started over with someone else no worse for wear. Now, if he left, he walks away looking no different, but what man would want someone who looks like I do because of some other guy??? I feel SO disgusting and all I do is cry, but he just walks off and doesn’t talk or anything until I stop. It’s like ignoring my feelings will make them go away for him. To make things worse, he’s got a complete porn obsession that he doesn’t even hide. How can I compete with the girls in those??? People say that men’s attraction to porn has nothing to do with their attraction or feelings towards their significant other, but I disagree because what’s the point in looking at that stuff unless it’s something they LIKE?? It’s already hard enough since I feel so crappy about myself from being so pale and having unperfect teeth and having extra fat as it is.

People tell me “Well work out and it should tighten to skin” but any exercise I HAD done only made a tiny dent on it and now since I’ve had another daughter, the stretch marks and saggy skin are way worse. I don’t have the money or time to go to a gym and I don’t have the money to buy any at-home exercise stuff. Honestly, I barely have time to do anything because I take care of an almost 2 year old and 2 month old on top of going to school ¾ time online for biotechnology (so it’s not an easy degree program). I could change majors, but then I would just drop out because I’m not going to waste my time getting a degree in something that I don’t really want to do.

You’ll be able to see in the pictures how my belly sticks out more than my boobs now – and I’m a full D size, so that’s saying something.
I just wanted to get all this off my chest and see if anyone else has been in a similar situation with their body and their significant other being an emotional and mental anemic towards them.

Thanks for any suggestions.

Update – Teen Learning to Love Her Body (Faith)

Bonnie (SOAM) Adoption, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 5 Comments

Your Age: 18
Number of pregnancies and births: 1
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3

Story: It has been three years. I posted my story 3 whole years ago, and I can’t believe time has flown by so fast.
Here is my original post.

What has changed? So much. It is unbelievable. I graduated high school, met two really nice ladies and they let me move in with them, I’m going to school, and I work here and there. Everything is going perfect. I am not with the same person I was with when I posted last. Things happened between us, which is just fine :)

My baby is now three years old, and I get pictures of him once in a while. Thank you women so much for the supportive comments.

I have lost about 40lbs, but I am still working on it.

Photo 1: 3 years PP. Still working on it
Photo 2: Me graduating high school
Photo 3: This is my beautiful son.

Not Quite What I Expected! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Complications in Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 3 Comments

Age: 21
Number of births and pregnancies: 2
Age of my children: 3 yrs and 18 months.

At the age of four I was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis or JRA for short. At the age of twelve both my parents and I were told that I would never have children. They said that my body could not handle the extra weight and extra pressure of carrying a baby to full term. At that age you don’t really worry to much about having kids. Your still a kid yourself. But as I got older it really bothered me.

When I was 17 I went to a party with some friends and ended up drinking a little. Little did I know that, that night would change my life forever. I don’t remember much after a little bit and had later come to the conclusion that I had something slipped in my drink. The next memory I have is being taken to my father by a police officer. Of course being 17 and going out without my dad telling me I could, I was in BIG trouble. But it hadn’t quite hit me yet what had happened that night. I didn’t really talk to many people over the next couple of months.

Four months after the fact I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I was still in High school. I had no idea what I was going to do. Needless to say I had my first baby at 17. I had a normal pregnancy and a great delivery with no complications at all. I went into the hospital at 7 pm and had him a little past midnight that night.

But with my second child, everything was completely different. In the beginning I assumed I was pregnant but was quite for sure yet. A few days after realizing that there was a possibility I was pregnant, I ended up in the ER. I was having severe cramps in my lower abdomen but knew I wasn’t on my period. My boyfriend and I sat in the ER for 7 hours for them to confirm what we already knew. We scheduled an appointment with the Pregnancy Care Center for a few days later. After they confirmed I was pregnant once again, they scheduled an ultrasound to measure just how far along I was for the following week. My assumptions were right. I was about 4 weeks and a few days pregnant. I was excited, I was having another baby after being told I would never have children.

The following weeks passed with doctor appointments and more ultrasounds. I had started my new job. Unfortunately my job was about an hour drive from where I lived. The drive didn’t bother me unless morning sickness decided to kick in while I was on the road. With my first child I was barely sick at all. At about 9 weeks into my pregnancy I started cramping. I though at first it was just the normal cramping when your uterus is expanding. I was getting ready to leave for work and the cramps were still there. They didn’t hurt that bad and they didn’t bother me to much, so I thought nothing of them. I got to work and got to my desk and was putting my stuff up when an unimaginable amount of pain shot through my entire lower abdomen. I immediately told my supervisor that I needed to leave that something was wrong.

I called my boyfriend and told him I was on my way home and that he needed to take me to the ER. I could tell he was worried. The entire drive home was terrible. I was cramping the entire time and to top it off I was stuck in traffic. This day couldn’t possibly get worse. Little did I know it would. I got home and one of our friends was going with us while her boyfriend watched the kids. We rushed to the hospital as fast we could. We got into the ER and got signed in. They got me triage and with in a few minutes they got back into a room. The nurses immediately get me hooked up to all the necessary machines. I had tubes and cords everywhere. With in a few minutes the doctor came in and asked what was going on. I told him that I was having severe cramps. Of course being early in the pregnancy he told me that they could be from my uterus stretching. But said that they would check everything just to be sure.

The doctor checked my cervix and told me it was still closed. So he ordered an emergency ultrasound. About 30 minutes passed and the nurse came and got me for the ultrasound. I was nervous and upset about the fact that my boyfriend could not go back with me. They got me back to the room and got me up on the chair. The nurse began the ultrasound and of course I am worried out of my mind about my baby. The nurse had the screen turned to where I could what was there. Half way through the ultrasound the nurse moved the screen to where I couldn’t see anything. Finally she was done and they wheeled me back to my room.

It took about 20 minutes and the doctor was in to tell us the news. He looked at both me and my boyfriend and took a deep breathe. Just by looking at the doctors face I could tell everything was not okay. Finally he looked at me and said “I’m sorry but you have a partial placental abruption.” All I could think was what did he just say, what does that mean? My boyfriend squeezed my hand and asked the doctor what he meant. He told us that the placenta that kept my innocent baby alive was pulling away from my uterus. That was what was causing my pain. He told we had about a 50 50 chance of keeping the baby and that there was nothing they could do except put me on bed rest.

All I could do was cry. Was this what my doctors at age twelve was talking about? Was this what they knew would happen? I had so many questions and no answers. So I sat there and cried while the nurses got all the machines off of me and put everything away. The nurses never looked my way never even offered an I’m sorry. My boyfriend just held me and told me everything would be fine. But what if it wasn’t?

The nurses gave us my discharge papers and sent us on our way. We got home and I went straight to bed. I slept the rest of the day and night. I didn’t want to move in fear that I would lose my baby. The next few days went by and I returned to work. Still worried that I was going to lose my baby, I tried to be strong. I had a doctors appointment with in a few days. And he would tell me how I was doing.

We went to the doctor and he said everything was healing nicely. He said that the immediate risk was over and I could stop worrying about losing my baby. He said that he would keep a close eye on me and that I should rest much as I could. So i did as he said and rested with my feet as much as I could. So much as that my work let me have an extra chair to prop my feet on while I was working.

Everything went back to normal except the fact that my morning sickness was all day long now. I couldn’t eat anything with out getting sick. It didn’t matter what it was. So I went through the rest of my pregnancy normally. The weeks passed and we found out we were having another little boy. We were so happy.

More weeks passed and the time for him to make his arrival was getting closer. We started going to more doctor appointments and started getting more anxious. Finally it came time to make a decision on when my doctor would induce me. We went to an appointment and my doctor told us that today’s appointment would decide if he was born the next day and the next week. So he did an ultrasound and was checking the water levels around my son. He got done with the ultrasound and left the room for a minute. He came back in and said ” You need to go to the hospital. The water levels around the baby are low and he needs to be monitored for about 45 minutes to an hour.”

OMG! Please not again. All I could think was, God please don’t do this to me again. We are so close to having him please don’t take him now. We have come this far. So we went home and got our bags and headed for the hospital. When we got there they admitted me and got me to my room. They got me hooked to all the machines and got my baby’s heart beat on the monitor. A little over and hour and the nurse came in and told us I wouldn’t be going home tonight.

The nurses said that they didn’t feel comfortable letting me go home with my sons heart beat dropping like it was. So we got settled in for a long night. Not only were they keeping in the hospital over night but the next morning the were inducing my labor. So we tired to get as much sleep as we could. 6 o’clock came fast and they were hooking pitocin up to my IV line. I went back to sleep and woke up a few hours later. The nurses came in to check me and said that the pitocin was doing what it should but they wanted to increase the dosage. Everything to be going normal.

At about 11 o’clock my doctor came in to break my water and check me. He said that I was dilating normally and that everything to be fine. What I didn’t know was that everything was not fine. At about 1 o’clock my boyfriend and one of my friends that was going to be in the room with me came in. My friend had tears rolling down her face and was bawling her eyes out. While I was up stairs getting ready to have a baby my best friends (my sons godfather) grandfather had passed away. I was so upset and didn’t know what to say to him. But I knew that I couldn’t over work my self because I could put my baby in distress.

About that time I got my epidural and went back to sleep for a while. The next thing I remember is waking up to this sharp pain in between my legs. I ignored it for a while, thinking that it was just the pressure of him moving down. About two hours later the pain was still there only worse. I finally told my friend that a nurse needed to come in here and check me. She went and got a nurse and the nurse said I was only at a 4. She had the anesthesiologist come in and check everything. Everything was fine but they ended up giving me the medicine they use for a spinal tap. So I dealt with the pain for a little bit. Finally I had had enough. They gave me an epidural as well as medicine for a spinal tap and it was supposed to numb all the pain, not cause it. So I called the nurse and she had the anesthesiologist come in and check out my epidural line once again. She checked my line and said that everything was fine. I told her everything was not fine. But being that i was in pain she did an ice test on me. She ran an ice cube across my stomach and down both legs and asked me each time if I could feel the ice. And each time I told her I couldn’t feel anything. So she finally put the ice right in between my legs and asked me if I could feel the ice. “Yes that is cold!” I said to her. She simply told me that I had what they called a hot spot and they couldn’t do anything to help it.

So basically their stuff was not working properly and I had to deal with it. WOW! So I dealt with the pain. After about an hour I called the nurse again and told I was feeling a lot of pressure. She checked me and said that I was only at a 5. She left the room and about 30 minutes later I was calling her back in. She checked me once again and this time I was at a 7. I was so close and by this time the pain was so bad that I was screaming. I had never felt so much pain in my life. It honestly felt worse then the actual contractions. About 3 minutes later I was calling the nurse to come and check me.

The nurse refused to come and check me and told my friend that she was not going to check me every time I felt a little bit pf pressure. Needless to say My friend ended up getting the nurse to check me one last time. This time to her surprise I was at a full 10 cm dilated. She told me she was going to call my doctor. She had been gone about 3 minutes and I was yelling over the intercom that my baby was coming out right now. I knew I needed to push and wanted to so badly. But the nurses had other plans. Instead of me pushing they had me wait until my doctor arrived to deliver my son. Well my son as well had other plans and was trying to be born right then and there. So instead of the nurses delivering my son they put their hand over his head and held his head inside of me until my doctor arrived, which was about 5 minutes later. Finally my doctor showed up and was getting his gear on. He looked around and couldn’t believe that the nurses hadn’t deliver him yet. Finally my doctor sat down in front of me ready to deliver. I looked at my doctor and asked “CAN I PUSH NOW?!”. He laughed at me and told me yes. It took me one and a half pushes to get my son out.

With as many problems as I had during his pregnancy, my son came out to be perfectly healthy. I can honestly say, he pregnancy and birth was not at all what I expected. I guess it’s true when they say every pregnancy and birth is different.