Submissions

Upset With My Postpartum Body 10 Months In (Sara)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 19 Comments

I had my first child 10 months ago at the age of 21. Before I had him I just started getting into the best shape of my life (the healthy way) I started off at 165 and had gotten down to 158 and 1 week after getting down to 158 I found out I was pregnant. I always disliked my body and hated the way I looked naked but since having my child I really hate the way I look. I look at myself naked and cant stand to see myself. Everything and anything I put myself in I feel makes me look gross and all my flaws (except the stretch marks) are exposed. My boyfriend of 7 years always tells me how beautiful I look and how great I’m doing with my exercise ( 8 months postpartum I was 168 and now 10 months postpartum I weigh 156) but each and everytime he tells me he thinks I’m beautiful I just can’t help but think he’s lying to me and just saying things to make me happy. Not only do I feel he is not sincere(when he is) I feel like he thinks every other girl is prettier than me and wishes I looked like them (especially the victoria secret models) and it may just be me comparing myself to woman who have had babies ( celebs) 5 months ago and already look like they have never had a kid or even to the girls my age who are “perfect” but I really can’t stand to see my body. Having my wonderful, beautiful son has made me hate myself. I know looks aren’t everything but right now all I care about is my looks and looking great naked or even… in clothes. I hate the little “lip” under my stomach( ive always had it but since having my son it’s gotten worse) basically I hate almost EVERYTHING on my body. And I have no idea how my boyfriend would want anything to do with my body.
These are all postpartum pictures of the body parts I hate the most and just a pictures of my lil man at 4 months old :)

Seeing the Beauty in My Body (Joanna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

Your Age: 22
Number of pregnancies and births: 1
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 months

I got pregnant when I was 21 years old. Not a teen mother, but still young enough to get the occasional stare. My pregnancy was perfect as far as the doctors said, however, psychologically I was a wreck. I have never been a skinny girl, but I was never “overweight” either. But I was absolutely terrified of gaining weight. Every single pound I gained felt like a dagger. I dreaded hopping up on the scale at my weekly OBGYN appointments. I even ended up counting calories, and refused to eat anything besides salad, toast, and the occasional bowl of cereal. I still managed to gain 45 pounds. I came across this site when I googled “pregnant and depressed about weight gain”, and to be honest, it terrified me even more. Seeing what women look like post-partum just made me feel worse. For some reason, I felt like my body defined who I was. I ended up getting my first stretch marks around 28 weeks. Again, I was stressing and obsessing over my appearance. I felt horrible. I refused to look in a mirror and would even tell my boyfriend to “shut up” when he tried to call me beautiful.

I gave birth to my daughter at 39 weeks and 3 days on December 18th, 2012. She was 7 pounds 15 ounces and absolutely beautiful. However, I didn’t get the immediate bond that I constantly heard mothers talk about. I was shell-shocked. I went from being a 21 year old girl to a mother in hours. I couldn’t take it all in. I remember spending my first night in the hospital crying because I was terrified of this little human being that I was now responsible for. I didn’t change a single diaper during my stay at the hospital, didn’t give her a bath, didn’t cuddle with her. I would simply breastfeed her and hand her to visitors or her father. My brain wasn’t able to process what was happening. The day we came home from the hospital I was terrified. I didn’t know what to do. I was in pure survival-mode (for myself AND my daughter), and I ended up losing 25 pounds in 2 weeks because I was so depressed and STILL in shock that I would literally forget to eat. I was slowly slipping into postpartum depression. Add hormones and sleep deprivation to the mix and I was a wreck. I cried every chance I got. I felt as if my life was over. My stomach was saggy and loose and covered with stretch marks. I felt disgusting

It wasn’t until my daughter was about 2 months old that I began to feel better. She became more interactive, she started smiling when she saw me, and I fell in love. My body was slowly turning back to normal. I remember hearing women say that once your baby’s born you won’t care about the stretch marks as much. I understand what they meant now. These marks represent everything I went through and my own personal battles. They represent the love I have for my daughter. They represent everything a mother is about. Sacrificing (in this case, your body and beauty) for your children. Looking back at my pregnancy, I really wish I enjoyed it more. I now realize there are few things more beautiful than a pregnant woman and a mother. You are carrying and growing a LIFE inside of you. What can possibly be more beautiful than that?

I have a new-found respect for mothers. All mothers. Single, married, young, and old. You are absolutely amazing. You are beautiful in my eyes. If you’re worried about your stretch marks, just remember what they stand for. If you are worried they will make you less attractive to your significant other, don’t be. If he/she truly loves you, they will see the beauty in them. If you’re pregnant right now and feeling ugly, fat, or unattractive, just remember that you’re doing something amazing. You have life inside of you.

I just want to end this by saying that whether you’re pregnant or you’re in the postpartum stage, embrace your body and appreciate it for bringing life into this world. You are beautiful. We are all beautiful.

The first photo is me before I got pregnant.
Second and third are me at 38 weeks pregnant.
Forth, fifth and sixth are me 3 months postpartum.
The last four are of my daughter

Sharing the Beautiful and the Ugly (Freckles)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 0 Comment

Hi, I am the owner of Freckles Fairy Chest and just uploaded these photos today. It seems to be a wonderful hit and I have been so grateful for the wonderful feedback on my story. I often model my creations and decided that it was best to leave my body the way it is for all to see. I just turned 28, and have one girl who is 17 months old.

Reposted with permission from Freckles Fairy Chest.

A couple of weeks ago, I got inspired to work on some floral fashion designs for Spring. I got the idea to cover an old bra with flowers and leaves, and make some hair clips and a necklace out of spring colored flowers. My husband got a ladder, stood above me laying on a green sheet (aka magic screen) and started taking some photos of me. About half way through, I took a peek and said, “Take them a little closer, because we are cropping out my stomach!” Every woman has a part of her body that she believes is ugly, or not quite what it once was. I am no different.

When I was pregnant with my baby fairy, Elora Avalene, I actually gained 60 pounds! Oh, believe me, I heard lectures from everyone including my mom and Doctor, (who was nice enough to say to me, “You gained six pounds in a WEEK?!” with her slender and beautiful figure). But I freaking love food! Throw in a pregnant appetite, and all that is left of your body are a million stretch marks and a sagging one pack. At least I am married now, so it doesn’t bother me as much as it would if I were single and trying to impress. haha. My husband couldn’t be more supportive, and always tells me how beautiful I am, no matter what. For goodness sake, the photo that bothers me most, he has titled “MywifeisfreakingHOT” as a jpg file name. One lucky fairy, right here!

So if I have all of that, why does my post baby body still bother me, as I sit here and look at photos from this recent shoot and want to crop away, and do photoshop plastic surgery on them? With all of these sayings and posts about embracing your body the way it is, why have I still not let it sink in? The answer seems simple, how many photos have you seen go viral with a pretty woman full of stretch marks? None that I know of, though I do recall the brave magazine cover some years ago with Jamie Lee Curtis showing off her middle aged body. I am not trying to pose nude or be controversial here, but I think it is time for me to be brave enough to stop cropping and using the “pucker” tool in photoshop. I don’t want to promote a kind of unrealistic view of beauty for moms out there.

So here I am, stretch marks, fat, pale skin, double chin and all. Radiating in my motherly glow for the world to see and criticize.

Read more and share here.

Update: Help!!! Bikini worthy or not? 13 Months PP Still with worried about tummy. (Jamie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 24 Comments

Age: 22
Number of Pregnancies/ Births: 1

Previous post here.

This is my second post to this website. I am now 13 Months PP. I hate to admit it but I am feeling worse than ever!!! I am up and down as far as staying optimistic about my body, I will go two maybe three weeks at a time thinking my stomach will start tightening up / looking better then I completely break down feeling like the ugliest person in the world. My husband booked us a trip to Hawaii in 4 weeks; and I am terrified that I am going to ruin the trip with my mood. After all it is a place where bikinis are kind of a must! I figured by now that my stomach would look good enough to wear a bikini. I am only 22! I shouldn’t feel like I am used up and old. I think at this point any improvements I see in my stomach, are only me getting used to my stomach rather than it actually looking better. I just need to know what my stomach looks like from another person’s perspective, I would feel horrible if I went out in a bikini and appauled people with my stomach. My husband gets upset when I cry or complain about my apperance and says that with time I will look better. I guess all I really want him to say is that I am beautiful and that it is all in my head. I asked him whether or not he thinks it would be acceptable for me to wear a two piece bathing suit and he kind of avoids the question. I just need some closure from someone else. So please someone honestly tell me their opinion.

That point aside, my husband and I are trying for another baby (so excited!!) I went to the OBGYN this month to figure out why it took so long last time to conceive; she diagnosed me with PCOS. I was told that it was as if my body has the throttle pushed and the brakes pushed at the same time so my body doesn’t really get anywhere when trying to drop an egg. Does anyone else have this? (I heard it is the most common cause for infertility) Any suggestions?

The picture where you can see the shirt is 8 months pp and the one where you cannot see my shirt is now at 13 months pp.

Thank you all for your support, It is so nice to have someone who has gone through the same things to talk to.

Mother of 7 (Stacy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, VBAC 12 Comments

How can I teach my daughters, and my sons, things I haven’t quite figured out yet? How can I be confident in my own skin when the world, both inside and outside of myself, tells me I should hide? How did women lose their power to just “be”in their role as mother, satisfied with happy children and a healthy birth?

I don’t know, but I know that in late 1980 I was already destined to despise my body, and feel like there was something wrong with it. So I became a fat little girl before I knew I could say no to food that starved my body, and clouded my mind. I always hated myself, and remember at 8 years old trying to make my arms appear smaller by wrapping my upper arms in toilet paper and rubber bands. My “before” pictures would not show much. I was always very large chested and had boyfriends, but overall felt out of place, fat and gross.

Once I had my first daughter at 17 years old, I was scared but happy to spend 9 months growing a little being. I was a good mother. A dedicated college graduate, and had a kind heart. But my ass was still fat, but not as fat as my deformed Csection dissected belly.

I lost 100 pounds, met my husband and went on to have 4 more children. All Csections. 5 Csections and 5 children, 4 of them in 5 years time took a deep and irreversible toll on my body. The multiple Csections left me feeling insecure and inept.

I had my first vaginal birth, 10#5oz baby boy (child #6) unassisted at home with my husband and my children. He was amazing. He still is. This healed places in myself that continue to heal.

I just had my 7th son this past June (2012), another boy, another beautiful and FaSt unassisted birth. I gained 30 pounds, was Doing yoga 5-6 times a week, hiking mountains and standing fully inverted head stands days before he was born.

I love my body now. I accept its amazing ability to heal, carry me through this awesome ride of life, and nurture my children. My sexuality is prime and there is nothing that makes me feel more alive than having confidence inside my skin.

I have 7 children, and could have more. I am 32 years old. I have a masters, I am a massage therapist. I love to write and play music. I love to travel and experience new things. I love to spend time with my children and my lover, partner and friends. I am more than complete… In spite of the holes which have been carved in my body, I am whole.

Updated here.

Light at the End of the Tunnel (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 5 Comments

Previous post here.

I wanted to post an update. In my previous entry, I was 3 weeks pp, and now I am 6 months pp. I still visit this site daily and find encouragement and inspiration in all of the stories written and shared. Every one on here is beautiful and each experience unique; that is what we all need to embrace and LOVE about ourselves. We all have gone through a common experience of carrying a child, but beyond that all of our stories are different. Some of struggle, some of pure bliss, some of uncertainty, some of pain, some of heartache, some of selflessness, some stories that make me want to reach through the computer and hug the original poster, etc… at the end of each story, however, is the same thing; we love our LO’s with all of our hearts, we couldn’t have imagined a love so strong and a dedication so deep beyond the needs of ourselves. We couldn’t imagine life another way…BUT we want our old bodies back!!! Even as much as we hated our bodies pre pregnancy, we wish we had that body of imperfection rather than this body we see today. Guess what. This body today performed a miracle (or maybe two or three, or more!!) and the new “imperfections” we are so quick to point out are those of which tell our unique story.

Trust me, this has been a very difficult concept for me to accept. I will be the first to admit I have spent countless hours searching the internet on mini tummy tucks, tummy tucks, total mommy makeovers, thermage, ItWorks body wraps, etc, etc, etc… but over the past two months I decided to make a change within myself. I started to eat better. I’m not on any fad diets and I definitely don’t deprive myself. But I make it a point to drink lots and lots of water every day. I am always a happier person when I am “fit” so I started a work out routine. Being a full time working mom of 2 and a student, this is difficult to squeeze in but I manage a 25 minute workout MOST mornings and it kicks my arse! Then on weekends I try and do a couple miles run. Other than that, no drastic changes. Even though I haven’t made big changes to my eating and I’ve only incorporated a tiny bit of exercise, I can see a big change in my body, my confidence is through the roof and I am a much happier mom and wife.

I used to look in the mirror in disgust. Most recently I noticed my boobs had shrunk in size and aren’t as perky as they once were. But when I have a good bra on I can sport a v-neck or low cut shirt with “cute/attractive” cleavage rather than the “in your face” cleavage I used to have. I think smaller boobs are more classy ;) And to be honest, I have always wished for smaller boobs. Recently I was thinking breast implants to regain the perkiness but now I look in the mirror and appreciate the softness of them. They seem so feminine and womanly. Maybe I’m having a good week and will have a moment down the line of wanting breast implants again. Either way, I am learning to accept the changes my body has gone through, and continues to go through pp and with age. Underneath it all, I am simply striving to just be a good and better person. That’s what matters most at the end of the day anyways.

So as we wake up each morning and pick apart our “flaws”, let’s do ourselves a favor and weasel in at least one positive compliment to ourselves to kick start our days. Maybe eventually that one compliment will turn into more and take over our self confidence and society as we see it today can kiss all of our butts when we flaunt our mommy bodies with pride!!

I may not be magazine perfect, but airbrush me and I’m damn near close ;) hahahahaha (that’s sarcasm but a sneak peak to what I tell myself to boost my confidence!) I’m far from where I want to be but I know I will get there. And in the meantime, I’m a good mom, a good wife, a good friend, a good sister, and a hard worker, among other things. I am more than my skin and appearances. And so are you. We aren’t perfect, nor will we ever be, but we are who we are and we need to love us. I want my daughters to love themselves the way that I love them, so I need to love myself the way that my mom loved me (she passed Nov. 2012 and the one thing that sticks in my brain every time I find myself dissecting my image in the mirror is her telling me “you have a nice figure, you always have and can wear anything you want because you always look cute”). I would never think less of my daughters if they sported the loose skin, stretchmarks or any other scars, so why do I think less of myself?

Here are some pictures of me 6 months pp.

My journey from flab to fab abs – I know I can do this! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Butt, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 9 Comments

When I was only 18 y/o I had my first son at 10 pounds and 22 inches. I am only 5 ft. I gained 60 pounds and wound up with nasty stretch marks. I’m now pushing 23 and it has been 4 yrs since I’ve worn a bikini. I had my daughter in june 2012. She weighed 6 lbs and left me no marks. This beginning of march 2013 I started training hard at a local gym. I do cardio and intense weight traning. I feel so let down sometimes when I look in the mirror, I hate comparing myself to friends putting sexy summer photos on their web pages. I just want to be sexy again and for my husband. My husband met me with all my marks, but hey I’m young, so why shouldn’t I get fit and prove to myself that I can do this. I’ve come a long way already….has anyone actually reduced the marks with exercise? I’m thinking of laser or bluelight therapy.

(Excuse all the upside-down photos. My computer won’t save them upright for some reason. Gah. -Bonnie)

From Hating Myself to Having it All (H.L.)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 6 Comments

Hello everyone,
I want to firstly mention that this blog does so much good for mothers and I am proud to finally add my submission. I had my first child at 17. I had no idea what I was in store for emotionally or physically at the time. It always really bugged me that none of my female family members took the time to prepare me for what would happen to my body after having a child, but honestly… none of my female family members bodies turned out anywhere near as bad as mine. My mother had me at 17 and I was her only child, she never even had a single stretch mark. I went from being 16 and JUST FINALLY getting boobs and becoming a women to having my body completely changed. A lot of the reason my body suffered as much as it did is the fact that I am extremely petite, I am only five feet tall and have almost no torso.

My first child did most of the damage but with each child (three total) following it got worse and worse. I gained and lost weight after and in between each pregnancy as most people do and of course breastfed my children which made my breasts sag and stretch just as much as my tummy. I spent 7 years yo-yoing, trying to get rid of the weight which I thought would get rid of the skin, I wore hard, tight compression garments daily just to be able to wear normal clothing without my tummy showing through my clothing. I always wanted a tummy tuck to fix my tummy because I knew my tummy was an extreme case that could only be fixed surgically. My husband and I had our third and final child 02/14/2011 and we decided to have my tubes tied not only because we were done having children, but because we knew that at some point in the future that I would finally have a tummy tuck and would not want to risk an accidental pregnancy after.

In August of 2012 I decided I couldn’t live with my body anymore and for the first time in my life I was seriously overweight. My heaviest weight was 185lbs and I decided it was time for a consultation with a plastic surgeon. I went in and had a consult and we put our down payment on the surgery scheduled over three months down the line so we had time to save for the surgery and for me to kick butt and shed as much weight as I could before the surgery. By the time my surgery arrived on 12/13/12 I had lost 35lbs and was at my goal weight for the operation. I had my tummy tuck and now I have my body back. I feel so blessed to have a beautiful family, loving spouse and my self confidence back. It was hard work to lose the weight and save the money for the surgery but it completely changed my life.

The point of my submission is that the joy that comes with parenting doesn’t have to come at a cost. You can say I have my cake (my kids) and I am eating it too.

I included a collage of pictures before my surgery and some photos from after. The before pictures are after I lost 35lbs right before the surgery. The difference between the before and after photos is only 5lbs! All 5 of those lbs were skin. I also want to mention that with my tummy tuck I had a Mons Pubis excision. As many of you know, after having children (especially if you have lots of excess skin) your vajay-jay can sag and become puffy, the Mons Pubis surgery corrects it.

I wish you all the best on your journey of finding, accepting and loving yourself no matter WHAT works for you.

Age: 25
Three pregnancies, three births, children’s ages (8,6,2)

Update – Pregnant by choice, body fears reappear. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

Age 25
Pregnancies 2
One 5 year old and currently 18 weeks pregnant

Previous post here.

I was in top shape at 133 and toned and decided I wanted another baby. We are having another boy. And at 17 weeks I feel fat, and ugly… I fear that I will become depressed as I did with my first child. Worried that my body will become worse , I worry about each pound I gain, and just want to be able to work out to loose it again… I feel horrible that I’m not loving pregnancy as I do crew first time, just critical of my body all over again.

1st – progress over the two years before 2nd pregnancy last is 130 lbs
2nd photo – 1 month
3rd photo 4 months