Submissions

Almost 2 ½ years later and still unhappy (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 42 Comments

I got pregnant at the age of eighteen and gave birth by nineteen, I am now twenty one. My beautiful baby girl is two and three months old. I love my baby girl but I hate my body. I’ve always had problems with my weight, one minute I would be overweight and the next I would be under weight. Just before I got pregnant I was bouncing between 107 lbs to about 118 lbs and 5’1 tall. Those were good days for me. By the time I reached full term in my pregnancy I weighed 162 lbs. I figured it would be no problem to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Eight months later I was at 125 lbs and looking good, but then I started working full time and I am a single mother and by the time I got home from work every day, I just didn’t have the energy to work out. And to make matters worse, I work at a desk all day so the physical activity is limited.

Before I knew it, I was back up to 146 lbs and all of my toning was gone. I know it’s not good to obsess about how you look but I’ve always been self conscious and it’s more than just how I look to me, It’s how I feel. I feel drained and depressed most of the time and most days now, I can’t seem to will myself out of bed in the morning. I’m missing days of work and missing out on life.

I’m trying my hardest to cope with the way I feel but it’s hard. Most of my friends that have had children all seemed to go back to normal after so I can’t talk to them about it. The funny thing is, is that I really want to get fit and start enjoying life but the depression is holding me back. Most of the time I just want to hide under a blanket and drink coffee all day.

The thing I hate most about my body is definitely my baby pouch. No matter what I wear it still sticks out and folds over and when I sit down it really looks bad. I feel like people are staring at it and thinking that I am gross or something. And why is it that you can never find underwear that will conceal it and make it look flat. I have tried all kinds of control underwear and all they do it push the fat upwards so you have extreme back fat (not so attractive). I don’t know maybe I’m just being crazy but this all seems very real to me.

Sometimes I really think that I should have held off on getting a job until my little girl was a little older so that I could have enjoyed our time a little more without all the added stress (my job is a legal job and not the easiest). But then I think that I did the right thing in being able to secure a future, however, it cost me my sanity and my body in the end. One day I hope to feel better and look better because I don’t want my little girl to start noticing how unhappy I am and start showing signs of the same behaviour. If things do get better for me I’ll be sure to post an update.

Thank you all for listening.

Updated here.

2 Weeks PP – Update (Berni)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update, VBAC 8 Comments

I originally posted around 3 months after the birth of my son, again at 6 and a half months pp, and 38 weeks into this pregnancy.

My daughter was born 10 days late on the 22nd December 2010. I had actually gone into hospital that day to book an elective C section, due to being post dates and already having had a section. I was so happy when my water started to leak that evening. I did not achieve my homebirth but it was a very straight forward vaginal delivery. I ended up transferring to hospital after about 5 hours of strong contractions, as I was in a lot of pain and still only 3cm dilated, my midwife was also a little concerned about the baby’s heartbeat and that I was dehydrated. Well I wish I stayed at home now because I reached 10cm delivered within an hour and a half! There was no time for any extra pain relief so I only had gas and air. I didn’t tear and I wasn’t cut which I was very happy about. She was only 7lb 12oz, so second babies are not always bigger (my first was 10lb 10oz) and growth scans are not always accurate (she was estimated to be 9lb+). We called her Lilac and she is so lovely. I’m so pleased that I managed to have a VBAC and I doubt I would have achieved it without the support of the wonderful midwife I had.

As for my body I am now 3 weeks pp and I have 10lbs to lose and I struggle to fit in clothes 2 sizes bigger than what I was wearing when I fell pregnant. My tummy is so horrible and saggy, I knew it would be as it was saggy after my son, but it seems more so now. I didn’t get any new stretch marks. I try not to think about my tummy too much as it does get me down. I hope in time I can become more positive about my body, especially now I have a daughter. Is there any way without surgery to improve lose skin?

The body pictures are 2 weeks PP.

The last picture is of me and Lilac on Xmas day (3 days old).

Considering another child…. Need Advice. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Question, Submissions 28 Comments

~Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 and 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 yrs. old

My husband and I are considering having another child. We’ve been together since I was 18 and have taken our time to plan out our children. The problem I have is this: I really hate and I mean HATE with a passion that if I do get pregnant again our children will be about 4-5 years apart. I really don’t like that at all. I know that it’s my fault since we should’ve done this sooner but a lot of things happened that couldn’t be controlled. By the time the dust cleared I realized that my daughter is turning 4! My brother and sister and I don’t get along and we have about 5-6 years of difference between us. I know that siblings can and do get along all through their lives but I can only draw from my experiences. As crazy as this seems I really wanted “them” to have a real sibling relationship that I never had. I always wanted a brother/sister for my daughter to be 1-2 yrs. apart. That way their teen angst can be sailed through with each other about the same time. I also wanted to go to amusement parks and whatnot and we can all go without worry that the teen thinks or bugs her younger sibling for no reason. Now of course I did numbers and what can a 7 yr. old have in common with an 11 yr. old or a 12 yr. old with a 16 yr. old. Can you help by telling me your experiences as a mother with children of a gap of 4-5 yrs. and also of having a younger/older sibling of 4-5 yrs. apart. I now not everything in life can be controlled but it would be nice to hear stories from both sides. I’ve been told to not think about it and just do it but I can’t help feeling apprehensive. Please help!

3 years later and 1 beautiful little boy (Chi’s Mommy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 8 Comments

Its been 3 years since I gave birth to my amazing little boy , Malachi. He is a blessing and I thank God for him daily. My husband & I plan to have another baby soon , so I’ve been working extra hard to lose my baby weight from my 1st child. I started out at 198 after giving birth and now , a while 3 years later (but I still did it) im 159. Im by no means perfect, but getting happier with my new self. My husbands loves me regardless and thinks im gorgeous. Love is blind lol. Just thought I would put some new pics up of me now. I posted on here before but cant seem to remember what my title was to attach it. Sorry!

From Hot to Not – Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 30 Comments

Your Age: 21
Number of pregnancies and births: 1

Original entry here.

I posted a few months ago when I was 11 weeks PP. My son is now 7 months (32 weeks PP). I still look the same which is incredibly depressing, I did drop from 150 to 145 but I’m kind of stuck there. I can only exercise about 3 times a week because so I’m busy. I need to make it more of a priority to exercise but it’s just so difficult to find the time.

It’s so hard to see girls who are my age who have never had children and their body’s are amazing; no stretch marks, no cellulite, nothing. They have flawless smooth stomachs.. I used to to look that way and it’s just so hard to accept reality. I would be so happy with my body if I didn’t have stretch marks. They hold me back.. I think I would be so motivated to work out and exercise if they weren’t there but I know that they’re there and I’ll never show my stomach.. so what’s the point of slimming down?

I don’t feel attractive at all. I feel ugly. As a young and single mom, I feel like no guy (that I want) will ever want to be with me. I’m damaged goods now. I can’t look at my stretch marks and think of them as “badges of honor” or “battle scars” I look at them and see ugly marks that represent carelessness and laziness. I should have exercised and ate better while I was pregnant. But I didn’t and they remind me daily. I see tons of young mothers who have had babies and didn’t get a single mark and they’re 100% back to normal…walking around in bikinis totally care-free. I hate the way I look and I think it will be a constant uphill battle with the way I feel about myself.

These pictures don’t do my stretch marks justice.

C-Section (Sara)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 5 Comments

Hello, my name is Sara. I am currently two weeks PP as I was blessed with the best Christmas Gift ever in 2009: our first child (a daughter!). I was originally due January 20th, 2010 but ran into some complications with my pregnancy and was put on bedrest. I went in on Christmas Eve 2009 for a routine NST only to find out that I was in active labor and was sent over to the hospital for an emergency C-Section, as the baby was frank breech. Several hours later, she was born. A full 4 weeks early, she only had to spend one night in the NICU and was perfectly healthy short of being a tad underweight (5 lbs). 3 days in the hospital and we were able to go home.

Pre-pregnancy, I was about 160 lbs. A little bit overweight for my size frame, but not obese. (Naturally after I got married I gained all of my weight- I was always small my whole life). I’ve never really been overly happy with my body, but I was thrilled when I found out I was pregnant. I gained 18 lbs total with my pregnancy, and remained relatively “small”- at almost 9 months pregnant, I looked about 5 months. This is how it was discovered that I was having some complications with the pregnancy- low amniotic fluid put me in the hospital and on bedrest.

Looking at my body now, I appreciate everything that it went through. Feeling my incision site from the c-section reminds me of how amazing my body truly is. Am I happy with my couple of stretch marks? No. I’m not- but I’m going to hopefully get back in the best shape I have ever been. I didn’t get any stretch marks on my breasts, butt, or stomach, but I did get several on my hips. They are the first thing my eyes go to whenever I see myself naked. I am incredibly lucky to have a husband that apparently has horrible vision, as he still can’t seem to get enough of me, even when I was my largest with our daughter, and now with stretch marks and a scar. :) He doesn’t seem to see the same thing I do!

I am 23 years old, married for two years to my high school sweetheart, with three dogs, a brand new home my husband and I built, and now an amazing daughter. I couldn’t be more blessed!

Pictures included: Side view, c-section scar, front with breasts, our beautiful daughter Madalyn

This is me (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 7 Comments

23 years old
I am now pregnant with my 3 child (10 weeks) and have had 2 births.
My 1st son is 2.9 years old and my second son is 12 months old

I have had a bad body image for such a long time. I always felt like my body was wrong after giving birth to my son. The when I gave birth to my second son I felt worst. I would look at my self and think *yuck* I could not understand why my husband thought I was so beautiful.

Then one day I decided to start looking at myself differently. If my husband could see that I am beautiful and not fat (I would always call myself fat) then why couldn’t I. So I started telling myself That my body was beautiful and that it was ok to look the way I do. A lot of the time I did not believe this.

When it was time to find a gift for my husband I wanted to give him something he would really enjoy. I kept asking him what he wanted for our anniversary and all he would say is “my wife”. So I decide to give him just that. I found someone who would do nice natural photos of me for my husband.

I had so much fun doing these photos and I started to really like my body. The photos were taken in my bedroom with natural light and no touch ups were done to my body at all. What you see is what I have. I now have a new love for my body. It’s not what it used to be but it is perfect to me.

I am sure after this baby is born my body will be different again but I am ok with that because I believe it will still be beautiful.

Christine and I have become friends after these photos were taken so she is also taking photos of me while pregnant.

Will I ever love this skin? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Butt, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 17 Comments

I’m a 31 year old mother of one beautiful tween girl whose now 11. I really miss the baby days. :( I had her at 20 and I had gained 85 pounds. I have stretch marks in every conceivable place a woman can have them. I have them on my flanks, my buttocks, my hips, my belly, my breasts, my underarms, the back of my knees, my thighs (inner and outer), near my groin area, and I even have faint ones on the outside of my upper arms. It’s been a constant struggle over the years to live in this body and be happy with it.

I’ve bought into the idea that women aren’t supposed to get older and lose their shape and for years I’ve been my own worst enemy. And having a couple of jerks for boyfriends in the past didn’t help matters much either. I haven’t gotten over it yet and I’m not sure I ever will. Maybe when I’m really old, feeble and gray, it won’t matter anymore. Some days I hate myself, and others, I have incredible self-esteem. I no longer want to diet, or obsess about exercise, but at the same time, I don’t want to let myself go either. I want to find a happy medium if it exists. But I am blessed and thankful I have a wonderful husband of 9 years and a terrific daughter who thinks I’m beautiful no matter what.

Reading your stories and seeing your pictures really inspires me. Although it makes me cry, it has compelled me to show myself to you so that maybe I might find some peace in this inner silent but screaming turmoil. Maybe together we can feel strong and empowered and proud of who we are and by the long journeys we’ve traveled to arrive here. Thank you so much.

Plus Size and Pregnant -Again (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 12 Comments

I am 24 years old and on my third pregnancy. First pregnancy was a miscarriage at 12 weeks. Second pregnancy resulted in my beautiful Daughter born 2/21/08. I am now 22 months PP with daughter’s pregnancy and I am 20 weeks pregnant with this pregnancy (another girl). I’ve always been overweight, expect for one time in high school! With my first daughter I was a size 13 at 165 lbs at 5’3″. My pregnancy ended with me hitting almost 210. After I had my daughter I lost weight until I got down to 175 lbs but my body carried weight differently now. At 20 weeks I am now 178 lbs, trying to watch my diet and exercise this time around. I am still in my post pregnancy pants size 14-16 but I wear maternity at well when I want to feel extra comfy. I have been very uncomfortable with my body since the birth of my daughter. Between the stretch marks and the extra skin/fat and my new found hips and butt I have been really hard on myself. I want to feel beautiful but it is hard when you don’t feel like you will ever get your body back again. Anyways I know there are so many other woman, big and small, that feel the same as me and I wanted to share my story and pictures to show you that you are not alone. I hope someone finds comfort in my post as I have found comfort in others posts.

~Your Age: 24 (25 this month)
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancy, one m/c, on birth, currently pregnant DUE 5/24/10
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Daughter is 22 months

Healthy Eating and Workouts Kept Pregnancy Weight Gain to a Minimum (Holly)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 13 Comments

Age: 33
Weeks PP: 5
Number of Pregnancies: 2
Number of Children: 1
Current Weight: 132
Pre-Pregancy Weight: 126

I was very worried about how my body would look post partum. I worked out prior to pregnancy and continued to do so through my entire pregnancy, up to 2 weeks prior to delivery. I would have worked out all the way to my due date but I developed gestational hypertension and was placed on bed rest at 36 weeks. By continuing my workout and maintaining a healthy diet, I kept weight gain to a minimum. I gained 32 pounds and once fluid was lost, I was within 8 pounds of my prepregnancy weight by 2 1/2 weeks PP. Fortunately, I was blessed with no stretch marks! This may be part genetics and part lifestyle, whatever the reason, I am happy.

My body is definitely not the same as it was, my tummy is no longer flat and my hips are wider. I know that my hips will never be the same but I can work on the tummy. I really don’t know how long it takes for the extra skin to go away and the Linea Negra to disappear but I have faith that those will subside within a year. I restarted my workout regime 2 weeks PP, I am on a slower pace than before but I will be up to full speed soon! Overall, I feel quite accomplished at this stage of PP. I know that all my hard work and diligence paid off! I have had friends say that it isn’t fair that I look this good so soon, I remind them how hard I worked for this.

I wanted to share my pictures for any woman who is pregnant/trying to conceive and worried that there is no hope for their body once they deliver their baby. I am proof that maintaining a healthy lifestyle during pregnancy helps the body rebound. Proper exercise and diet has also given me extra energy to care for my little baby.