Second Pregnancy

Second Birth, Second Chance (Colleen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, VBAC 7 Comments

Previous post here.

My Age: 28
I have two children, aged 3 years 3 months, and 7 weeks.

Seven weeks ago I gave birth to my second daughter. She was my triumphant VBAC, and her birth healed the wound that my cesarean had left in my heart. My body is amazing; we knew what we wanted and by golly, we got it.

And yet…it didn’t exactly go as planned. Nowhere near it, actually. Six days past my due date I developed even worse oligohydramnios than I had with my first. I was sent for an induction; a long, drawn-out process in which pitocin was a last resort because of my previous cesarean. I wanted an all-natural birth. I’ve spent years of my life planning for one, convincing myself that the pain of labor was manageable. The pitocin proved me wrong, and my daughter was born with an epidural after 30 hours of induction and 14 hours of active labor. I pushed her out under my own power, and that’s what’s most important, but the irritation over how medicated her birth was dampened some of the ecstasy I expected to feel.

When I last posted I was fretting over my inability to gain weight, and boy did that change fast. Between my 20 and 24 week appointments, I put on 9 pounds. It continued to shoot up and by the end I had gained 42 pounds (39 of that in the second half of my pregnancy). I don’t know if it was because I had developed habits of eating calorie-dense foods since I wasn’t eating much, or because I essentially starved for 4 months, but even through the lingering nausea it added up. It distressed me to get so close to 200 pounds for the first time in my life (196), but I figured my body knew what it needed.

I’ve lost about 20 pounds or so…maybe a little more. At any rate I seem to have hit that wall where nothing more is going to come off until I make an effort. I WILL make the effort this time, but I’m not ready yet. These two little girls are more important to me than exercise and worrying about calories right now. I once again came out without stretch marks on my tummy. The ones on my thighs and hips spread a little bit (I gain all of my weight in my thighs), and new ones appeared on my love handles. Actually, just one love handle—the left one is covered and the right side only has one lonely stretchie. My biggest problem with them is that they’re not symmetrical! Seriously, how do you grow symmetrically and only one side stretches? It doesn’t make any sense.

Am I at peace with my new body? No, not really. I only have one pair of pants that “fits” (even my maternity pants were too small by the end). My thighs rub together a LOT when I walk. My breasts are larger than ever (32K) and uneven because I’m nursing. I have a little new mommy pooch and—most distressing to me—my face got fatter. But these “flaws” do not consume my every waking moment. I see them, they register, but then I think, “man, I’m sexy”. I carried two babies, I rocked out a VBAC, I breastfed/feed both (the little one nurses like a champ). My husband thinks I’m irresistible. The women in my life tell me I look great (in clothes, of course). I haven’t learned to say “thank you” yet without pointing out a perceived flaw, but I’m getting there. I want my daughters to see confidence. I see the extra weight as something temporary and therefore not something to obsess about.

When I last posted, I decided to include my face in this one (finally!). Then I received a message on Facebook from a man I had never met asking if I was the poster and, frankly, that creeps me out. I understand how it’s possible, but tracking me down took a not-insignificant amount of effort when I obviously chose to remain semi-anonymous for a reason. The fact that it was a man and not another woman just added to the creeptastic factor. Maybe I’ll get brave eventually, but this time isn’t it. I’ll include a lovely silhouette of myself that my husband (accidentally) took at 24 weeks, but that’s as close as I can get this time.

The pictures are 24 weeks pregnant, 40 weeks pregnant, and 6 weeks postpartum.

Updated here.

I love my babies, but hate my body and myself. (Very Insecure)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 7 Comments

Age: 21
Number of pregnancies: 2 births: 2
My son is 1 yr and 3 months my daughter is almost 3 months (i know crazy!)
I had both babies via cesarean births

Hello, i am 1 month shy of turning 21 and although i did not imagine having kids this early they are my little blessings. I got pregnant at 19 with my first child a boy and 2 and a half months later due to me believing breast feeding was a form of birth control, and not knowing how fertile a woman is after birth. i got pregnant again. I am pro life so i took the hand that i was dealt. Before my first pregnancy i weighed 110(i am 5″) and i only gained 16 pounds during pregnancy which i thought was GREAT! after i gave birth i was at about 113 but my stomach still looked about 4 months pregnant. I had a c section so i waited before i worked out and before i knew it i was pregnant again so i didnt bother trying to slim down my pouch again. With my daughter i weighed about 130 total with my pregnancy so i was elated i thought i would bounce right back with a little workout. I also only gained belly no fat in my arms or legs.

After i delivered my second baby via c section (both were) i was so eager to work out and loose all the extra skin and fat! i wasnt able to start until 2 months pp bc my incision would hurt alot. I am trying to find the time to work out but its so hard with two kids and a house to clean after. i do a 20 min ab workout everynight and i try to stick to it but my ugly body discourages me. My fiancé says i look great for two kids but i couldnt disagree more. Im disgusted with myself. I see other young girls having kids and springing right back. Although they did not have two back to back it should still be the same right? I hate my stretch marks my DARK belly looks so ugly, my belly button looks like its ben punched in, my linea negra is so dark and all that extra skin is just despicable. And on top if that i look 4 or 5 months pregnant.! i absolutly hate myself to a point that i think im becoming depressed. Im used to always being so petit and i loved my pre pregnancy body and now i cant stand what i see when i look in the mirror. Why is my stomach so ugly so completely loaded with stretch marks? I feel like i got the worst of both worlds. The stretch marks, the fat, and the dark skin. I wouldve ben okay with just one but i got them all! I hate my body! I am now 3 pp -sincerely a very insecure girl

Two Months PP With #2 (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 2 Comments

Number of children/births- 2
Age-23
Prepreg weight- 116
Postpreg weight- 129

Previous post here.

I wasnt in a good place after my second post. I was struggling with my body after my husbands infidelity. Soon after that post I got pregnant with my second child, a girl. I was excited, but thought Oh Boy, here we go again. I have never been one of those people who love being pregnant, I think its cute on everyone else and I miss it when I’m not. With my first pregnancy, I gained 20 pounds and got one long, thick stretch mark on my side. Breastfeeding for nearly 2 years had left my breasts alittle saggier then I remembered them, but I was feeling really pretty about my body! Almost right away, I was hungry all the time, really hungry not just snacky. I gained 10 lbs in the first 8 weeks. This was making me really nervous. I had another GREAT pregnancy though, I have been blessed to be able to have such healthy pregnancies and then healthy babies. When all was said and done at the end of August near my delivery date, I had gained 29 pounds, and my stretch mark got long and wider. I had an awesome delivery, I wanted to go it natural since I had had an epidural the first time and it ended up with me not being able to push effectively and having to have a vacuum assit and then I tore, healing took longer….So I labored until 8-9 centimeters before getting some pain relief through my IV, but I could still feel to push, feel her move down, feel her come out with her little hands up by her ears and didnt tear this time. Recovery seemed fast and easy, although everyday brings me something new having two little girls to care for, I still have about ten pounds I’d like to loose and hopefully tone up my tummy. My husband and I were able to overcome our problems, and our marriage is going pretty well. We’d like to have another child a few years down the road, I am excited for that yet nervous, I feel that having two children has made my body alien to me, what would a third do to it? I love this site, been following all your stories since my first daughter was born, its a great place for us to voice our fears and concerns and find reassurance! Thanks for posting and thanks for reading.

First and second photo-30 weeks with #2
Third and Fourth photo-8 weeks pp

Over Two Years Later and Another Baby – Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 6 Comments

Original post here.

It has been over two years since my first submission/story was posted on this wonderful site. My amazing son will soon turn five years old and he is still more than I could have ever hoped and wished for. My husband is still active duty in the Marine Corps and we endured another combat deployment, this time to Afghanistan. It was even harder than the other deployments for a few reasons. One being the communication was almost non existent. We went over a month with no contact due to his location. The second was that I was pregnant during the deployment! We had no clue the day he left, but about a month into the deployment I found out we were expecting. I could hardly believe it. I had to then wait and wait for a rare phone call to finally tell him the news! At my first Dr appt. we calculated that we must have conceived within 7-5 days before he had left! During the second trimester we then found out we were having another boy. Due to some re enlistment/time left on contract issues they had to send him home a few months early (hey no complaints here!!!) I was so beyond relieved to have him home and so happy he would get to be around for the last part of the pregnancy and birth!

I did a bit better with weight gain this time around. Started at 150 lbs and was at 186 lbs day of delivery. Unfortunately I delivered via repeat c section even though the Dr had given me a 75% chance of successful VBAC. The delivery was awful. I had mild Pre eclampsia and they wanted to induce me at 39 weeks. I ended up getting food poisoning/bad stomach virus a few days before my induction date. I was so sick and dehydrated that it was causing me to contract. They admitted me and gave me fluids & anti nausea medication. Then proceeded to start pitocin. Within the first 15 min or so of getting the pitocin the baby had a drop in heart rate severe enough that they told me we HAD to do an emergency cesarean. At that point I was so exhausted that I didn’t even want to talk about it. To top it all off, my spinal did not fully take. I wasn’t “numb” completely and ended up feeling some of the pain from the surgery. They wanted to put me under with a breathing tube but I freaked out on the table and pleaded with them. They instead gave me very strong meds during the rough parts. I felt like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. It was loopy, scary, weird and painful all mixed together, but I was awake to hear his first cry. I was able to see his face and kiss my beautiful baby boy, and that I am grateful for. It was love at first sight. He looked just like his big brother! 7 lbs 1oz and perfect from head to toe!

His 1st Birthday was just a few days ago and I still find it hard to believe he is ONE! I love my boys and I love how they interact together.
As for me and my body these days… I still have work to do… But as I’ve gotten older and possibly wiser lol, I realize that I am not ruined or unsightly. I am a Mother. I am Unique. I am strong, and I am filled with love. How can I hate those things?? I am on the right path I believe. I am now at 156 lbs, with a goal of 140 lbs and 21% body fat. I plan on adding more weight training to my fitness and am excited to find out how my body will react to it.

I’m not sure if I gained any new stretch marks or not.. To me it doesn’t really look like it. Although I do think I have a bit more loose skin now… The wrinkle under my belly button is still there and I have an “apron” when I bend over lol.

I keep saying this lately: “Love conquers all”. I truly believe it too… For whoever may read this far.. All I ask is to love yourself, love who you are, you are one of a kind!

~Age: 28 (will be 29 on Nov 28th)
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies and 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 years old and 1 year old, 1year postpartum.

Healing Scars (Brandi)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Preemie, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 7 Comments

Brandi, 25, 2 pregnancies, 2 births, 3yo and 2mo

In 2005 I got married. It was a whirlwind romance and being 18 I was certain I was in love. He was kind, affectionate, everything you expect to find in your prince charming. We met in Febuary and were married in December. Less than 6 months later everything started going south. Before I knew it I was trapped in an abusive relationship. Every day was an onslaught of your ugly, your fat, your lazy, your stupid, and a neverending string of name calling. And when he would drink (3+ nights a week) it would get worse, turning physical on more than one occassion. I tried to leave but was brainwashed to think I couldn’t make it without him and that nobody else would want me. I was damaged goods. Four years later, when I did get the nerve to leave, weeks before I was going to skip town, I found out I was pregnant. The entire SIX months of pregnancy I was still under a gunfire of mental and verbal abuse. “Your lucky your pregnant or you would be going down the stairs”…not to mention the constant accuasions that the baby wasn’t his. During the pregnancy I got ONE stretchmark. On my tummy, to the right of my belly button. I cherished it. It was a constant reminder of my little one and the challenges we had to overcome. He was 12 weeks early, weighed 2lbs and was 15in long. 11 weeks in the NICU later he finaly came home. Best Christmas Eve of my life. My start weight was about 140 and at delivery I weighed 180. 6mo post partum and I still hadn’t lost the baby weight which was just fuel to the “fat lazy bitch” fire. 9mo pp an opportunity arose and I was finaly able to free myself (and our son) from his hold.

Just over a year ago, I met someone new. He is amazing. Good with my son, good to me, and all around good guy. And he doesn’t drink. At. All. 4mo into the relationship, I got pregnant. Wasn’t really an accident, but not planned either. I was terrified. After all the drama with my first being early, not losing the weight from him and topping it off with losing my job I didn’t know what would happen. But he has stuck thru. In September I gave birth 3 weeks early to a beautiful 9lb 2oz baby boy. I went from 180 to over 200lbs. My body has suffered horribly. I have stretchmarks on my breasts, my arms, my legs, and from belly button to butt crack on both sides. I feel horrible. I know it isn’t true but I can’t shake the thought that if I was unattractive (according to my ex) before, I can’t imagine how aweful I must look now. I’ve already lost the baby weight, but the skin is still there. My boyfriend tells me every day how beautiful I am, how he is still attracted to me, how smart I am…everything every woman wants to hear. But it just bounces off. I know it will never be the same as it was when I was 18 or even when I was 24. I’m slowly accepting my new body, and having a super supportive partner is helping. But is it a long process. I’m looking forward to the day when I can look at myself after a shower and say “I look good”

My Body and I (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 7 Comments

Age 24
2 children ages 7 and 3
One natural (no drugs! Woot!)
One emergency c-section

I have always had body issues. Thanks to my mother’s ex boyfriend of 5 years I was led to believe I was grotesque. How naive I was. At 5’8 and 135 lbs I was perfect. I got pregnant with my son at 16. On my 16th birthday. Lol. Happy birthday to me! His daddy was (and is) my soul-mate. We were together a year and a half before I got pregnant and I got lucky enough to suck him in with a baby. ( kidding!!!) I gained around 70 lbs with him and delivered at 215. My son gave me these stretchmarks and loose skin. He also gave me more love than I knew what to do with! He is the light of my life. Full of joy and energy. He makes my heart smile. I had my daughter in Italy at the age of 20. Her daddy wanted to see the world, and took me on an adventure. I carried her well and, as a matter of fact, was asked if I was sure I was pregnant and not just gaining weight at 6 months! My daughter gave me a scar and an understanding of life. We died on the operating table, and we fought our way back together. She is my heart. Her sense of humor lights up my life everyday. I sometimes cry in vain over my body. I refuse to leave the lights on (unless there is wine involved! Lol) I will not wear a bikini, I compare myself to other moms. I stress about what my skin is going to look like when I’m done losing the extra pounds and I get angry at my belly and myself. I am down to 180 and scared of what my hanging flap will look like at 140(my goal) but ultimately I have made peace with my body. It gave me my children, and I thats worth every dimple and stretchmark.

Motherhood (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 6 Comments

Ive been following SOAM for a few years and always just reading but I decided I might as well participate. Lets see…I developed quite early and was always very down about myself for having bigger breasts and wider hips. I thought it was weird, and almost felt like thats how people knew me as. When I got to high school, I was even more self consious about it. I always felt heavy, and out of place. Now that I look back on it, I think it’s rediculous because if I could have that body now, id be in love with it. It’s hard for a woman to look at the media and see all these beautiful women with perfect bodies and not feel down about ourselves. Or those celebrities who have had kids and managed to bounce right back. Im on the journey of learning to love my body, knowing it brought two beautiful children into the world. Loving my tummy because it provided a nice home for my babies, and my breasts because it provided nourishment. It’s easy to say that, but harder to actually feel it. But then I think women have done this for thousands and thousands of years, and that makes me feel empowered. Soft tummies and stretch marks are realistic. And beautiful. Im still learning that. I dont exactly feel comfortable looking in a mirror at myself naked, let alone having my husband see me naked with the lights on. I feel like I’ve heard time and time again “you look amazing for having two children!” but then I think “well, you havent seen me without my clothes on.” But regardless, it’s just time to love my body now. I should be thanking it.

Age: 22
Number of Pregnancies and births: 2 and 2

Gaining Acceptance and a Little Appreciation (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 3 Comments

Number of pregnancies/births: 2/2
Currently 3 weeks pp: weighing 166 pounds
Weight before pregnancy #2: 155 pounds
Weight on delivery day (40 weeks prego) 194 pounds
Height: 5’10”

After my first pregnancy I realized soon into my pp days that I was “cursed” with this saggy, wrinkly skin and horrendous stretch marks. I was convinced that I was no longer attractive, not now and never would be again. All of my two piece bathing suits went to good will. Not that I was ever completely satisfied with my body, being the typical young female and all, but I had it in me to appreciate my flat stomach and I had pretty nice boobs… Now both of those are no longer in existence. After breast feeding number 1, my boobs sag a bit. Now 3 weeks pp with number 2, I am being reintroduced to my saggy belly. Surprisingly enough, as I look at it now it doesn’t seem as bad as I thought of it the first time around. I think a lot of this has to do with this site and all of the wonderful women sharing their stories/pictures/encouraging words/words of wisdom… Even from the youngest of moms!! When I found out I was prego again, I remember saying to my husband “I promise after this one I will get into the best shape of my life and schedule a total mommy makeover…” he just rolled his eyes and tried to convince me that he finds me attractive and surgery is not needed… Yea right, I thought. Well, no longer do I feel I need a total mommy makeover. I have two beautiful girls. I know too many girls who can’t have kids and would die for my saggy skin so they can hold their newborn in their arms… As I hold my three week old in my arms, and I play with my toddler, I remind myself how blessed I am… Life is crazy hectic but these two beautiful girls are my world and I wouldn’t trade anything for that! Here are some photos 3 weeks pp with number 2… I do still plan to work out and eat healthy so I have a ways to go but I’ve gained acceptance and a little appreciation… Thank you to all who have shared and commented….

Updated here.

Body Image Issues; My Partner Gives No Support (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 21 Comments

Age: 27
# of pregnancies: 2
# of births: 2
Children’s ages: 21 months and 2 months

First off, I think I may be having symptoms of part partum depression, but I’m not sure. I know I should talk to my doctor, but I don’t want to be put on medication. My issues don’t affect my daughters, since I still take care of them just fine, but I find myself sitting around crying all the time because of the way I look now.

I’ve never been a vain person, but I was always made fun of in middle and high school because of being so pale and I wasn’t one of the “rich” kids (we lived in a wealthy neighborhood because my dad built our house, not because they bought it, so I went to a wealthy middle and high school) and well, I’m not sure why else other than that kids are just cruel. I’ve been SO upset about my body since my first pregnancy. I tried so SO hard not to get stretch marks with the first one and managed to stay that way…until the last week. I got preeclampsia with my first daughter so I had to be induced. The induction wasn’t working and they were already predicting her to be a large baby, so it was suggested that I get a C-section. I wasn’t thrilled about ANY of it since I wanted to do things all natural. Let’s just say that everything I PLANNED didn’t happen.

I was beyond thrilled when I saw my daughter for the first time and I loved her immediately, but one look at my body and I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. She didn’t want to breastfeed, no matter WHAT I tried, so I didn’t have that venue to lose weight and since I’d had a C-section, I couldn’t do anything for weeks. I tried Pilates, but I don’t have the money to take real classes so the church class I was taking just confused me and left me worse for the wear than before.

I got pregnant again when my first daughter was 10 months old, so that put an end to any form of weight loss. During both pregnancies, I didn’t gain a ton of weight, but I’ve never been a “small” person as it is. I’ve been what I would consider average, but with some extra fat on my hips and thighs (closer to a pear shape). Now – I’m like a deformed apple – it seems like all kinds of extra fat migrated to my midsection during both pregnancies and then you throw in the saggy skin and it’s a recipe for gross.

My partner and I aren’t married (for financial reasons more than anything), but we’ve been together for going on 7 years. Before I got pregnant he never told me things like how beautiful I am, etc. but it didn’t bother me because I didn’t look the way I do now – ruined. If he would have left, I could have started over with someone else no worse for wear. Now, if he left, he walks away looking no different, but what man would want someone who looks like I do because of some other guy??? I feel SO disgusting and all I do is cry, but he just walks off and doesn’t talk or anything until I stop. It’s like ignoring my feelings will make them go away for him. To make things worse, he’s got a complete porn obsession that he doesn’t even hide. How can I compete with the girls in those??? People say that men’s attraction to porn has nothing to do with their attraction or feelings towards their significant other, but I disagree because what’s the point in looking at that stuff unless it’s something they LIKE?? It’s already hard enough since I feel so crappy about myself from being so pale and having unperfect teeth and having extra fat as it is.

People tell me “Well work out and it should tighten to skin” but any exercise I HAD done only made a tiny dent on it and now since I’ve had another daughter, the stretch marks and saggy skin are way worse. I don’t have the money or time to go to a gym and I don’t have the money to buy any at-home exercise stuff. Honestly, I barely have time to do anything because I take care of an almost 2 year old and 2 month old on top of going to school ¾ time online for biotechnology (so it’s not an easy degree program). I could change majors, but then I would just drop out because I’m not going to waste my time getting a degree in something that I don’t really want to do.

You’ll be able to see in the pictures how my belly sticks out more than my boobs now – and I’m a full D size, so that’s saying something.
I just wanted to get all this off my chest and see if anyone else has been in a similar situation with their body and their significant other being an emotional and mental anemic towards them.

Thanks for any suggestions.

Not Quite What I Expected! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Complications in Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 3 Comments

Age: 21
Number of births and pregnancies: 2
Age of my children: 3 yrs and 18 months.

At the age of four I was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis or JRA for short. At the age of twelve both my parents and I were told that I would never have children. They said that my body could not handle the extra weight and extra pressure of carrying a baby to full term. At that age you don’t really worry to much about having kids. Your still a kid yourself. But as I got older it really bothered me.

When I was 17 I went to a party with some friends and ended up drinking a little. Little did I know that, that night would change my life forever. I don’t remember much after a little bit and had later come to the conclusion that I had something slipped in my drink. The next memory I have is being taken to my father by a police officer. Of course being 17 and going out without my dad telling me I could, I was in BIG trouble. But it hadn’t quite hit me yet what had happened that night. I didn’t really talk to many people over the next couple of months.

Four months after the fact I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I was still in High school. I had no idea what I was going to do. Needless to say I had my first baby at 17. I had a normal pregnancy and a great delivery with no complications at all. I went into the hospital at 7 pm and had him a little past midnight that night.

But with my second child, everything was completely different. In the beginning I assumed I was pregnant but was quite for sure yet. A few days after realizing that there was a possibility I was pregnant, I ended up in the ER. I was having severe cramps in my lower abdomen but knew I wasn’t on my period. My boyfriend and I sat in the ER for 7 hours for them to confirm what we already knew. We scheduled an appointment with the Pregnancy Care Center for a few days later. After they confirmed I was pregnant once again, they scheduled an ultrasound to measure just how far along I was for the following week. My assumptions were right. I was about 4 weeks and a few days pregnant. I was excited, I was having another baby after being told I would never have children.

The following weeks passed with doctor appointments and more ultrasounds. I had started my new job. Unfortunately my job was about an hour drive from where I lived. The drive didn’t bother me unless morning sickness decided to kick in while I was on the road. With my first child I was barely sick at all. At about 9 weeks into my pregnancy I started cramping. I though at first it was just the normal cramping when your uterus is expanding. I was getting ready to leave for work and the cramps were still there. They didn’t hurt that bad and they didn’t bother me to much, so I thought nothing of them. I got to work and got to my desk and was putting my stuff up when an unimaginable amount of pain shot through my entire lower abdomen. I immediately told my supervisor that I needed to leave that something was wrong.

I called my boyfriend and told him I was on my way home and that he needed to take me to the ER. I could tell he was worried. The entire drive home was terrible. I was cramping the entire time and to top it off I was stuck in traffic. This day couldn’t possibly get worse. Little did I know it would. I got home and one of our friends was going with us while her boyfriend watched the kids. We rushed to the hospital as fast we could. We got into the ER and got signed in. They got me triage and with in a few minutes they got back into a room. The nurses immediately get me hooked up to all the necessary machines. I had tubes and cords everywhere. With in a few minutes the doctor came in and asked what was going on. I told him that I was having severe cramps. Of course being early in the pregnancy he told me that they could be from my uterus stretching. But said that they would check everything just to be sure.

The doctor checked my cervix and told me it was still closed. So he ordered an emergency ultrasound. About 30 minutes passed and the nurse came and got me for the ultrasound. I was nervous and upset about the fact that my boyfriend could not go back with me. They got me back to the room and got me up on the chair. The nurse began the ultrasound and of course I am worried out of my mind about my baby. The nurse had the screen turned to where I could what was there. Half way through the ultrasound the nurse moved the screen to where I couldn’t see anything. Finally she was done and they wheeled me back to my room.

It took about 20 minutes and the doctor was in to tell us the news. He looked at both me and my boyfriend and took a deep breathe. Just by looking at the doctors face I could tell everything was not okay. Finally he looked at me and said “I’m sorry but you have a partial placental abruption.” All I could think was what did he just say, what does that mean? My boyfriend squeezed my hand and asked the doctor what he meant. He told us that the placenta that kept my innocent baby alive was pulling away from my uterus. That was what was causing my pain. He told we had about a 50 50 chance of keeping the baby and that there was nothing they could do except put me on bed rest.

All I could do was cry. Was this what my doctors at age twelve was talking about? Was this what they knew would happen? I had so many questions and no answers. So I sat there and cried while the nurses got all the machines off of me and put everything away. The nurses never looked my way never even offered an I’m sorry. My boyfriend just held me and told me everything would be fine. But what if it wasn’t?

The nurses gave us my discharge papers and sent us on our way. We got home and I went straight to bed. I slept the rest of the day and night. I didn’t want to move in fear that I would lose my baby. The next few days went by and I returned to work. Still worried that I was going to lose my baby, I tried to be strong. I had a doctors appointment with in a few days. And he would tell me how I was doing.

We went to the doctor and he said everything was healing nicely. He said that the immediate risk was over and I could stop worrying about losing my baby. He said that he would keep a close eye on me and that I should rest much as I could. So i did as he said and rested with my feet as much as I could. So much as that my work let me have an extra chair to prop my feet on while I was working.

Everything went back to normal except the fact that my morning sickness was all day long now. I couldn’t eat anything with out getting sick. It didn’t matter what it was. So I went through the rest of my pregnancy normally. The weeks passed and we found out we were having another little boy. We were so happy.

More weeks passed and the time for him to make his arrival was getting closer. We started going to more doctor appointments and started getting more anxious. Finally it came time to make a decision on when my doctor would induce me. We went to an appointment and my doctor told us that today’s appointment would decide if he was born the next day and the next week. So he did an ultrasound and was checking the water levels around my son. He got done with the ultrasound and left the room for a minute. He came back in and said ” You need to go to the hospital. The water levels around the baby are low and he needs to be monitored for about 45 minutes to an hour.”

OMG! Please not again. All I could think was, God please don’t do this to me again. We are so close to having him please don’t take him now. We have come this far. So we went home and got our bags and headed for the hospital. When we got there they admitted me and got me to my room. They got me hooked to all the machines and got my baby’s heart beat on the monitor. A little over and hour and the nurse came in and told us I wouldn’t be going home tonight.

The nurses said that they didn’t feel comfortable letting me go home with my sons heart beat dropping like it was. So we got settled in for a long night. Not only were they keeping in the hospital over night but the next morning the were inducing my labor. So we tired to get as much sleep as we could. 6 o’clock came fast and they were hooking pitocin up to my IV line. I went back to sleep and woke up a few hours later. The nurses came in to check me and said that the pitocin was doing what it should but they wanted to increase the dosage. Everything to be going normal.

At about 11 o’clock my doctor came in to break my water and check me. He said that I was dilating normally and that everything to be fine. What I didn’t know was that everything was not fine. At about 1 o’clock my boyfriend and one of my friends that was going to be in the room with me came in. My friend had tears rolling down her face and was bawling her eyes out. While I was up stairs getting ready to have a baby my best friends (my sons godfather) grandfather had passed away. I was so upset and didn’t know what to say to him. But I knew that I couldn’t over work my self because I could put my baby in distress.

About that time I got my epidural and went back to sleep for a while. The next thing I remember is waking up to this sharp pain in between my legs. I ignored it for a while, thinking that it was just the pressure of him moving down. About two hours later the pain was still there only worse. I finally told my friend that a nurse needed to come in here and check me. She went and got a nurse and the nurse said I was only at a 4. She had the anesthesiologist come in and check everything. Everything was fine but they ended up giving me the medicine they use for a spinal tap. So I dealt with the pain for a little bit. Finally I had had enough. They gave me an epidural as well as medicine for a spinal tap and it was supposed to numb all the pain, not cause it. So I called the nurse and she had the anesthesiologist come in and check out my epidural line once again. She checked my line and said that everything was fine. I told her everything was not fine. But being that i was in pain she did an ice test on me. She ran an ice cube across my stomach and down both legs and asked me each time if I could feel the ice. And each time I told her I couldn’t feel anything. So she finally put the ice right in between my legs and asked me if I could feel the ice. “Yes that is cold!” I said to her. She simply told me that I had what they called a hot spot and they couldn’t do anything to help it.

So basically their stuff was not working properly and I had to deal with it. WOW! So I dealt with the pain. After about an hour I called the nurse again and told I was feeling a lot of pressure. She checked me and said that I was only at a 5. She left the room and about 30 minutes later I was calling her back in. She checked me once again and this time I was at a 7. I was so close and by this time the pain was so bad that I was screaming. I had never felt so much pain in my life. It honestly felt worse then the actual contractions. About 3 minutes later I was calling the nurse to come and check me.

The nurse refused to come and check me and told my friend that she was not going to check me every time I felt a little bit pf pressure. Needless to say My friend ended up getting the nurse to check me one last time. This time to her surprise I was at a full 10 cm dilated. She told me she was going to call my doctor. She had been gone about 3 minutes and I was yelling over the intercom that my baby was coming out right now. I knew I needed to push and wanted to so badly. But the nurses had other plans. Instead of me pushing they had me wait until my doctor arrived to deliver my son. Well my son as well had other plans and was trying to be born right then and there. So instead of the nurses delivering my son they put their hand over his head and held his head inside of me until my doctor arrived, which was about 5 minutes later. Finally my doctor showed up and was getting his gear on. He looked around and couldn’t believe that the nurses hadn’t deliver him yet. Finally my doctor sat down in front of me ready to deliver. I looked at my doctor and asked “CAN I PUSH NOW?!”. He laughed at me and told me yes. It took me one and a half pushes to get my son out.

With as many problems as I had during his pregnancy, my son came out to be perfectly healthy. I can honestly say, he pregnancy and birth was not at all what I expected. I guess it’s true when they say every pregnancy and birth is different.