Pregnant

Not Happy With My Breasts (K)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 13 Comments

Age:25
Number of pregnancies: 4
Live births: One 5.5 year old (and one on the way!)
22 Weeks Pregnant in photos
Breastfed for 19 months

I had my daughter when I was 20-before that I had nice perky and full breasts, a nice stomach and a butt I was happy with. I always had cellulite, which did always bother me, but until I had a postpartum body, that was my only insecurity. When I come onto this site, I look at the photos of mothers who have great bodies and complain about them, and I only wish I could find a body (or boobs in general) that looked as bad as mine, to make myself feel normal. My breasts are sagged much more than those who post on this site. My nipples aren’t always as big, as they have expanded since I am pregnant, but they were never matching-at least not after I gave birth to my daughter, over 5 years ago. My stomach is a road map of stretch marks, and while I know it’s not attractive, i can live with that. My breasts are my issue. They don’t even sit right in 99% of all bras which makes me self-conscious about wearing shirts that show even a tiny crack of cleavage.

I decided that I should submit my body photos to the site to 1: show women their bodies are not bad at all, and 2: in case someone does have breasts like mine, to let them know they are not alone. Maybe I will update again after I have baby # 2…

Thanks so much for reading my story!

My Rainbow Baby and VBA2C! (Shannon)

Bonnie (SOAM) Cesarean, Child Loss, Children with Health Complications, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, VBAC 4 Comments

Most recent post here.
# of pregnancies and births: 4/3
How far pp: 7 years, 4.5 years, 2.5 weeks
Age: 27

As you all know (since I post here frequently!), I lost my 3rd pregnancy. I have had quite the bumpy road as far as my babies go. Connor passed away 5 years and 5 months ago (his 7th birthday was on September 24th), I had my 2nd only a year later, lost my 3rd, and just gave birth to my 4th baby on 9/19, Emerson James! It was a successful VBA2C :) You can read my other posts if you have never read any of my stories.

Here is my birth story written by my husband:

Sunday Night:
We dropped Liam off at Megan and Steve’s house so he could play with Canyon. We left there at a little after 6PM. There was traffic because of a baseball game, so we did a little detour near northeasten. All told we pulled in at 715, right on the dot.

We were admitted to the maternity floor and had a really nice nurse (who had recently graduated from UMass). The next few hours was a combination of doctors (most notably the one with the purple hair clip) to convince you that the best way to induce was to do “the balloon” followed by some Pitosin. You were concerned that, should the induction not take, you would then be coerced into doing a C-section. During the course of this, you were inspected and determined to be 1cm dilated. Also, Purple Hair Clip stripped your membranes. The doctor’s seemed a little confused as they thought you were here for an induction and yet you didn’t want the induction at the same time. In the end, partially due to PHC’s 30% success rate estimate, you decided to talk it over with Dr McElrath, your primary OB/GYN. He wasn’t available at the time, so we decided to get a hotel in hopes that we could meet with him the next morning.

Upon leaving the hospital we checked out the Howard Johnson near Fenway, but there was a game that night so it was very loud (and probably booked anyway). I looked around and decided to stay at the Best Western at 1650 Commonwealth ave. We got into the room at midnight (just as breaking bad was picking up where we left off). We watched the rest of breaking bad, then went to sleep.

Monday
We woke up and, after a few phone calls, settled on meeting with Dr McElrath at 1245. In the meantime we went to Whole Foods and got some breakfast in the form of delicious sandwiches. We met with McElrath and you were just as indecisive as last night. Fortunately McElrath made the decision for you, telling you that your best chance was to wait until you go into labor naturally. We decided to go home and wait. Before we left, we had one of what would turn out to be many meals at the Mission.

We got home, where your mom was watching Liam and Molly. The rest of the night was uneventful. We got to tuck Liam in, which was nice.

Tuesday
You starting feeling contractions around 3AM. You timed them for a while and then woke me up and we left around 6AM. Traffic was pretty bad so I cut through Woburn and back out onto 93. That saved us a little bit of time, but it still took about 1.5 hours.

Once there the doctors inspected you (and you were still 1cm dilated). After a few hours they inspected you again, and not much had changed. They said to go walk around for a while to see if that got things going. So we went to lunch at the Mission again and then met Jenny at the park on Mission Hill right off of Birgham Circle. There you did some sort of exercises to try to change Emerson’s position in your belly. I read a book. It was nice.

After the park we went to get something to eat at the Mission again (I had left my credit card there… surprise), this time Jenny joined us. The bartender gave us a free drink on account of your ripeness, which was cool of him.

We then went back to the hospital, and they inspected you… still not much progress (you might have been a little bit more effaced and softer, but nothing huge). After some chatting they decided to keep you overnight to see how things went. They decided this partially because you were having strong contractions.

Wednesday
Unfortunately, the contractions died down by the morning. You might have been 1.5cm dilated, and slightly more effaced, but progress was slow. Instead of inducing we decided to stay the (new) course of letting your body do what it wants to do. We were discharged, had lunch at the Mission, and went home. We got home around 3PM.

Liam was down on the Cape, so it was just us. We got some La Caretta and then hung out for a bit while you took bath (right before which some of your mucus plug came out). Afterwards you said it would be great to get a hotel with a hot tub. We called around and settled on the Crowne Plaza Nashua. We got there at about 630PM. You immediately got in the hot tub (which was concerningly high off the ground… funny to watch your ripe self climb into it). You were overly aggressive with the bubbles and we (mostly I) had to scoop them out and put them in the standup shower. Afterwards, I joined you in the tub (which had jets that shot out at ~100MPH). Shortly afterwards you noticed something in the bubbles. You weren’t sure what it was but we narrowed it down to three possibilities:
You pooped
You lost the rest of your mucus plug
Your water broke
You called the doctor and they said not to be concerned and that it was likely the rest of your mucus plug.

Thursday (midnight)

I should note that at this point your contractions are getting more intense. So we get back in the tub (actually just you for a while… I was chilling in a robe) as your contractions began to become more intense and more frequent. Later I jointed you in the tub and starting timing your contractions. They had been about 3-5 minutes apart for about an hour and a half when we decided to leave. We left the hotel room at 1:20AM.

The trip down to Brigham was an interesting one. I wasn’t sure if we were going to have enough gas, but I didn’t tell you at the time because you were having what appeared to be very painful contractions. Fortunately the gas was enough (barely) and the roads were wide open on account of the time, so we successfully arrived at Brigham at 2:05.

At admitting there was another pregnant woman when we arrived, and another one came in shortly after us. We all went up to the 5th floor of the CWN building (Center for Women and Newborns?). You were the last of the 3 to be brought to a room.

Once in the room, you were inspected and found to be about 4cm dilated at 80% effaced. Finally, we knew this was it and we were not leaving without Emerson coming out. In order to ease your pain and hopefully get you some rest, they gave you an epidural (something you were very excited about). During the epidural the anesthesiologist accidentally touched a wrong nerve, sending your right leg shaking. He said “What was that?” which, at the time, was discomforting. Afterwards we realized he was asking which leg it was (so he knew what it was he had touched). The rest of the anesthesia went off without a hitch and you tried to get some rest. The time was now around 5AM.

You got some rest over the next few hours, so not much happened. The nurse would periodically come in and check Emerson’s vital signs. Throughout the entire ordeal Emerson’s heart rate looked great, so again, nothing notable went on here.
Somewhere in midmorning you were determined to be about 6cm dilated. At this point I called Connie and Jenny to tell them they could come. They arrived late-morning and, after some chatting, you had them wait out in the waiting room until the time was right.
A little bit after noon you were inspected again and it was found that there was “just a lip” remaining. At this point the nurse got you getting ready to push. The next few hours was a slow progression with (what I presume to be) the usual milestones. Once it became clear that the head popping out was imminent, I was sent to fetch Connie and Jennny. They came in and watched. Your Mom prayed in the corner while I held your legs to “help” you push.

It’s worth noting that you pushed like a champ. Uncomfortable, but still cracking jokes. It was funny when they used a mirror to show you what was going on… you thought it was neat, but said you didn’t want to look in the mirror any more. As the head was out they asked if you wanted to touch it. You did, and you must’ve thought it was icky (kind of was), because you then wiped your hand on your gown.

Then you popped out the baby at 4:18PM. They put him on your chest right away, which you keep telling me was awesome (I love you baby… and I get it).
About 15-20 minutes post-partum Emerson latched on for breast-feeding. Maybe it had something to do with the skin-to-skin, but in any case, he was quite boss-like about it.

Attached photos are me 36 weeks pregnant with Emerson and my 3 boys on Connor’s birthday (Connor is on Emerson’s onsie!)

A Work in Progress (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 8 Comments

I am a 24 year old first time mum. I went into this knowing of most of the complications that can happen when you give birth..my story goes like this:

I really was interested in doing this the natural way, no drugs etc. But when I became two weeks overdue my doctor became concerned but still left the choice up to me to wait (so grateful). However, when my baby showed a bit of distress we decided to induce. On a quick side note, she was supposed to be a christmas baby, then we bypassed that, then new years, and then she was actually born on my birthday, January 9th!

Anyways, I was induced on a monday morning and went drug free after that for 24 hours. I was in labor a total of 36 hours! By the 24th hour I was pretty tired and tried the gas, no use, tried morphine, didn’t even make a dent in the pain. So finally they figured my labor stalled and wanted to give me pitocin. I was okay with that, trying to go with the flow, and had an epidural as well. I finally slept, which was great! Then things started picking up! Now we were pushing! Fantastic! Except I was pushing for 4 hours with no progress. Bring on another edpiural top up and a doctor suggesting a C Section and I had that baby out by wednesday morning at 4 am. I was extremely surprised when they weighed my baby girl at 10lbs 3 ounces!! Mind you, I looked ridiculous pregnant, I’m 5″3I was HUGE! Makes sense haha. I tore really bad though, a 3rd degree right down the middle, then another first degree up the right side. 3 blood transfusions and a bunch of IVs later, we were released on Thursday.

So with all that in mind, the fact that I have a 3 finger diastasis recti and am doing so much physio, due to the stress on my body, I am still extremely upset that I haven’t bounced back faster. I thought I was in decent shape, I guess not. I look at my figure and I still look 3 months pregnant and there is NOTHING I can do about it now. I think that is the worst part. I wish some one would tell me that I will continue to make progress. I wish that I could just melt this tummy away, it’s soft and jiggly and I hate the way it moves and It really doesn’t feel a part of me. It sucks, and I am sad at how frumpy I look and feel.

Age= 24
Number of pregnancies= 1
Number of children= 1
Month postpartum= 7 and a bit

First and second picture is 41 + 2 days pregnant, the third is about a month post, the fourth and fifth is about 4 months post. I haven’t done a recent photo. But it has gone down and the stretch marks aren’t so red anymore. Please, tell me what you think.

Fit After a Son and Twins (Jen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Twins

I am Jen and I am 30 years old. I have an 8 year old son and 6 month old twin girls! They are awesome kids and they make me smile every day. Of course having twins is not something that everyone plans. I found out that they were twins when I was only 6 weeks pregnant. Of course I was overjoyed but scared to death also. I have been a genetically thin person my whole life, but a few years back I got into working out and eating healthy and my body changed from being thin to being muscular and strong. I loved it. I was a very active person before my pregnancy. I had great abs and I was scared that I would never see them again. I wanted healthy babies of course, but I didn’t want to gain a bunch of unneeded weight. My doctor told me that it was ok if I continued to workout during my pregnancy not exceeding a lifting amount of 20lbs. I stayed within his rules of course for my babies’ safety. Naturally, before pregnancy, I worked super hard for my body and health and was really scared of the after effects of carrying twins. I had never had twins before and yes everyone had to tell me their after baby body horror stories. I knew right away I was going to deliver via c section. I had a hard birth with the first and a horrible episiotomy. I knew I didn’t want to go through that again and it was safer for the babies. Everyone told me about how I better kiss the bikini body goodbye because c sections cause a lifelong potbelly that cannot be fixed. I am not the type to listen to this stuff because just because it happened to them does NOT mean it will happen to me. I lotioned every single day, up to 8 times a day towards the end. I only carried my twins to 33 weeks. I gained a total of 17 lbs and the babies were very healthy!! They came early due to a membrane rupture. I held them in for 10 days after my water ruptured. They did have a NICU stay but it wasn’t for long. They were just tiring out while eating. I want to tell women that I am just an average Jane. I am nothing special, not a celebrity. I want women to know that you don’t have to be a celebrity to have a bikini body after babies. I want to be an inspiration to eat healthy not only for your benefit but for the baby as well. My c section recovery was very quick. I was super sore for 72 hours. I went back to the gym after 2 and a half weeks. I did not work abs because my doctor told me it wasn’t safe just yet. After my 6 week check up he gave me the ok to go back to abs. It was hard at first but I kept at it and my core strength came back stronger than ever. I’m 5 foot 8 and weigh around 127 now. I did not get any stretch marks with either pregnancy due to tons of water, tons of lotion and good collagen genetics. Before pregnancy I was 135. I feel great being able to run after my 8 year old and catch him! I enjoy being able to run around like a crazy person aka mom of twins, and have lots of energy. I want my children to see me working out and follow in my footsteps on the healthy road the way I did with my dad, who was a competitive power lifter during my childhood. I love living a healthy lifestyle! I couldn’t feel better!!

Number of pregnancies: 2 and 3 births
First photo is 3 weeks pp, 2nd photo is 32 weeks pregnant vs 8 weeks pp and the last photo is 6 months pp!

Perspective (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 4 Comments

There are days when I love my body! There are moments when I love my body. There are times when I have to remind myself I should be happy that I have two functioning arms, legs, and a relatively healthy body + mind. Alas I guess we can all have our good + bad days, our good + bad moments.

I have two daughters that I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for! I hope they will grow up to love themselves + be healthy. My oldest is 5 and my youngest is 15 months.

After my first pregnancy at 26 my body rebounded like a rubber band. I was left with some little stretch marks, but I lost all the weight, still had some volume in my breasts after I weaned my daughter and I even had a toned tummy. My skin was not really stretched out and I felt good about myself.

After my second pregnancy at 30 it was a different story. I didn’t know that pregnancy could change my body the way it did the second time around. I had a much harder time losing the weight, the tummy just didn’t spring back like it did with the first and I was left with excess skin through the mid-section. Luckily this doesn’t show unless I’m bent over. I can feel it + the tightness is just not there, but maybe it will get better with time (and maybe not—that’s ok too). I also lost a substantial amount of volume in my breasts the second time around, especially when I weaned my daughter a few months ago. Little sacrifices in comparison to the gift of mothering two amazing little girls.

I gained 34 pounds with my first pregnancy + 35 with my second so the amount of weight gained was not the difference. I weighed 169 going into labor with my first + 170 going into labor with my second. I’m 5’7″ and I weigh about 130 now, a few pounds lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight (I got pregnant weighing about 135 both times). My first daughter weighed a healthy 7lbs15oz and my second weighed in at 8lbs14oz.

Here are some pictures…One after my first pregnancy, one of me 8.5months pregnant with my second, one of my tummy standing flexed, one relaxed, a tummy shot laying down, and a couple tummy shots from under “downward dog” position to show the extra skin. The good the bad + the ugly…it’s all about perspective. I just thought I’d show that all of these are me.

~Age:31
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 years + 15 months

Mom of Three (Amanda)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 5 Comments

number of pregnancies-3
number of children-3
age 29
2 years PP

My name is Amanda, Im 29 years old, Ive always been “healthy” but not healthy, im a chocoholic and never put much thought into what I was putting into my mouth, if it was deep fried even better I ALWAYS had a struggle with my size, my shoulders are too wide, my ribcage too big…. I used to box a bit, would go to the gym but was never what you would call “fit”. I had my first baby at the age of 15, I gained about 70Lbs with my first pregnancy (im 5’2″ was about 110 to start) not too many stretch marks I lucked out. 24 hour natural delivery 7lbs 13.5oz. A lot of people had a lot of things to say about my age but here we are. He saved my life in more ways than he could ever understand. I was a single mother for 8 years, finished highschool ontime, went to college, got a job and moved out to support my son and myself (my parents are two amazing people not many would do for their 15 year old pregnant daughter what mine did for me) I was in and out of relationships with men who just weren’t ready to be parents, and that’s ok, I understand that now. I was barely ready myself but my son and I grew up together and we still are. I FINALLY reconnected with my first love from when I was 13, we were separated for 12 years because I moved a few provinces away. He moved to us and immediately we were a family, something “clicked” I got pregnant with my second son I was 130lbs, gained only 30 lbs walked every day to take my oldest to and from school, and worked on my feet. only 6 hour natural delivery, 7 lbs 10oz. not so lucky this time in the stretch mark department I got some on my belly more on my legs, My breasts shot from a D to somewhere in the F range. My hubby and I got married a year after he was born I was 146Lbs. And then Came bebebgirl… We got pregnant October 2010 I somehow managed to hit 160 within 3 months and just…bloomed from there, I was put off work early because of damage that was done to my hips during my first pregnancy (I was still growing yadda yaddda) so my legs were falling asleep at random. I have OCD so all I did was clean, eat, play with my kids and lay on the couch stuffing my face. that was my day, every day. take out daily, July 21 2011 weighing in at 210Lbs after two and a half “blissful” days of natural labor I gave birth to bebegirl 8lbs 3 oz. LOTS of stretch marks LOTS of extra skin… fast forward 8 mos pp and heres where the fun begins, my husband gets a promotion and moves to a different city while I stay put with all three children so our oldest can finish out the school year. Im somewhere around 195lbs have tried EVERYTHING, nothing works, I get bored easily and quit easily!! I cry in the mirror, I know im not this person, I want to be able to run with my kids again, I want my daughter to grow up without all my hangups. Finally a friend is trying this new program and I decided to try it too. And I saw results, I would have to stop half way through to feed my dd so some nights I would be working out until 1030 or so, but I LOVED IT. It was ME time and I was getting stronger!! fast forward another 16 months and I have lost 101 lbs, from my 210, have totally changed my lifestyle, my eating habits (slowly) and even became a fitness coach!! I work from home, get to be here with my babes and am heathier than I have ever been, I still have my stretch marks and my extra skin on my belly but Im HEALTHY and my babies are healthy, I still sometimes think of maybe a tummy tuck, but im scared silly. I want my kids to see that healthy is the way to be no matter your shape or size being healthy is the key, eating clean and staying active. mommy has muscles and that’s ok, I can hug them tighter and hold them longer. I can run and play and do handstands and summersaults with them. Best of all, I can out push up their daddy (shhhh that’s our secret lol)

1st is me pregnant with my first
2nd is me pregnant with my 2nd
3rd is me at my highest of 210
4th is me in labour with #3 lol
5th is our wedding day
6-8 are my transformation pictures and my recent
Have a Fit Day!!

No confidence & wrecked body! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 6 Comments

Age:17
Pregnancies/births: 1
Age: 2
Postpartum: 2

I had my daughter aged 14, young but very mature.
Always disliked my figure even though I was thin.
I ate everything and anything I could get my hands on to. I didn’t care about eating healthy and keeping for throughout my pregnancy even though I walked everywhere. I had no bump until 24 weeks when it appeared out of no way also had no stretch marks until 34 weeks which I was devastate about. Hated looking at them and the thought of then being there forever.
I have birth to my daughter at 36 weeks in October 2010.
Almost 3 years and I still have my horrible stomach due to no exercise and poor diet.
Looking in the mirror always gets me depressed and I wonder how anyone could love me or my body if I hate myself for it.
I am now determined to loose weight and tone up my stomach by July 2014

Photos:
34 weeks pregnant!
Almost 3 years later.

Any advice on how to tone and loose weight?

First Pregnancy (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 7 Comments

Anonymous
Age 21
Number of Pregnancies 1
Number Of Births 1
Age of Child 4 months

When I become pregnant with my daughter it was a total surprise. Luckily I had an easy pregnancy, only got sick a few times and worked up until I was 38 weeks. When I found out that I was pregnant I was 5’4″ and 120 pounds. A little on the heavy side for myself, but still at a healthy weight. Pre pregnancy I fluctuated anywhere from 110-115 pounds. I ate whatever I wanted while I was pregnant but didn’t overindulge. I ate when I was hungry, and stopped when I was full. I gained weight slowly at first but then into my third trimester it really picked up. The day I went into labor I weighed 143, so a 23 pound weight gain total.

I had always had small breasts, but proportionally they looked fine on my small frame. I was a B cup pre pregnancy and a large C throughout my pregnancy. When my milk came in I was a DD. My pregnant belly always was on the smaller side, when they measured it at my appointments I usually was measuring anywhere between two and four weeks behind schedule. I even had an ultrasound to check and make sure my daughter didn’t have growth retardation. I was told that since I was on the small side myself it was likely I would have a small baby. Because of the fact my belly was generally smaller than average, and I gained my weight so gradually, I attribute that to the fact that I didn’t get a single stretch mark on my tummy. My breasts are another story altogether however. I call them “tiger boobs” because they are so covered in stretch marks. My daughter was never able to latch so I pumped exclusively for two months until my milk dried up. When my milk went away I went back to a B cup. My breasts are still perky, but feel less dense. They are definitely softer, but aside from the stretch marks they look nearly exactly the same as they did before.

I went overdue with my daughter and was set to be induced on a Wednesday. On Sunday night I had horrible contractions that made me double over in pain, they finally went away so the next night when I had them again, I thought that they would just go away. They started Monday morning at 2 am, by 9 am I couldn’t take the pain anymore and was begging my husband to take me to the hospital, if nothing else I could get something for pain to hold me over until Wednesday. We went to the hospital and hooked my up to the monitors. I was 3 cm dilated (I had been 2 cm for weeks). They left and said they would check back in an hour to see how I had progressed. After 45 minutes I hit the call light in tears begging for some relief from the pain. They checked me again and I was 5cm, they then admitted me. I was expecting to be sent home, so I was definitely in shock that today would be the day. I got the epidural at 12 pm and from there it was smooth sailing. At 4:32 pm after pushing for 3 contractions my sweet girl was born weighing in at 7lbs 1oz. Up until I pushed, I was told she was ‘definitely small’. She was so beautiful and I was instantly in love.

I wore a post partum belly binder for a few weeks. My belly was flat after six days but still felt like mush. It took about two months to feel firm again. At 5 weeks I was working out again. I weighed 133 when I came home from the hospital, 117 at two months post partum, and 107 at three months postpartum. I now fluctuate between 105-108. I run about 16 miles a week, and watch what I eat, but overall I am happy with my body. I gave another person life and that is the most miraculous thing a body can do. I didn’t have expectations to look exactly as I used to so I can’t be disappointed.

I used to check this website religiously throughout my pregnancy, I wanted to see how pregnancy affected other women, I was nervous but I knew that giving new life and being a mother was the most important thing. To say that pregnancy didn’t change my body would be a lie. I do think that genetics and age play the largest role in your transformation though. That’s why I never slathered myself in cocoa butter or bio oil. I knew if I was going to get stretch marks that’s just the way it would be, and it was useless to worry about it. The picture of me in the pink bikini is pre-pregnancy. I weighed 112 in that photo. The photo of me in the green sweatpants is six days after giving birth, I swear by the belly binder for making your tummy go back down quickly. The next is a side by side comparison of 39 weeks pregnant and two months post-partum. Two months is when I began to feel good about my body again and my tummy started to firm up, I was about 115 in that photo. The last photo is of me four months post partum weighing in at 106. I’m now at a point where I’m just trying to maintain my health. If anyone has any questions please feel free to ask. I know how much this website helped me and I just want to help others in their journeys into motherhood. :)

Inverted Nipples (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Breasts, First Pregnancy, Inverted Nipples, Pregnant, Submissions 10 Comments

Age: 26 ys
pregnancy 31 week

Hi, this e’my first pregnancy and my breast nipples hey were always Inverted.
We know that many women leave to breastfeed their babies by reason of not having breast nipples!
I was always ashamed by tua inverted nipples I hate them I feel ashamed and so ugly.
There is little time they went out to outside. I’m afraid of not breastfeed my baby. Some mummy has or has had the same problem???

Almost Six Years Later (Rianon)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

Age: 24
Number of children: 2
Daughter: 5 1/2 and my son is 21 months

Previous post here.

I posted my first entry 3 1/2 years ago after I discovered this amazing site. Reading it again now, I realize how different my views have changed about pregnancy, childbirth, and what it means to be beautiful as a woman.

When I wrote my first post I was a 21 year old mother of a daughter. I was incredibly insecure and vain (I’m still vain but no where near as insecure as I once was.) I obsessed about my stretch marks and boobs and butt, and if I gained a pound my world was a catastrophe. I felt that women should always try to be beautiful and wondered why we would have to get stretch marks and saggy skin when we had children. I moved to Texas a couple months after I posted it and got pregnant with my son the next year in 2011. I was terrified my entire pregnancy that my breasts (and breast augmentation) were going to be ruined and that my stomach would explode into a mass of stretch marks. I gained 27lbs during pregnancy weighing in at about 142lbs at delivery (I’m 5’2). I lost all my baby weight thanks to breastfeeding and stress within the next three months and was down to 111lbs in no time. However I still thought I looked bad, I thought my arms were chunky and that my stomach looked like an a deflated balloon.

Then something horrible and amazing happened. My husband and me went through a extremely rough patch and I took a couple of classes on feminism. It completely blew my mind. I had always considered myself a feminist but getting in depth into the history of feminism in the United States and learning how women are systemically taught to hate everything natural about ourselves really got to me. When my husband and I were at the brink of almost falling apart it also dawned on me that no matter how much I obsessed about my appearance and how beautiful a woman makes herself it doesn’t really matter. Beauty doesn’t come from the outside and when its cheap and vain it isn’t true. I was faced with new ideas about what being a women really means, and what being a mother means. It is hard being a feminist and a mother in our society. We are faced with cultural expectations of sexuality and modesty, being a mother and being a woman. I started looking at my body in a completely different way and I started thinking about WHY we women put these unrealistic standards on ourselves? Men don’t care about a little cellulite and stretch marks and if they do they aren’t worth it anyways. Only WOMEN care! Why do we torture ourselves if no one else but ourselves are judging us? Our society allows men to pick apart women like meat and we are taught to expect it. Have you noticed that we will sit around and dissect female celebrities by bits and pieces but never have I heard a woman say: “Oh I like Channing Tatum’s arms but he has a weird stomach.”

Men are afforded this luxury while women feel we have to apologize for so called “flaws” like stretch marks, softer breasts and love handles. I am an aspiring photographer and every single beautiful girl I have taken pictures of complains about something on her body. It goes to show you that no matter how perfect we think another woman is, she still feels flawed. That is what we are taught, and the only way to fight back is to not accept it.

Although I still feel self conscious from time to time I have decided to own my own feelings about my body. I don’t allow anyone else to tell me how to judge myself. Its a struggle but I accept it more and more everyday. My husband tells me he thinks I’m beautiful and I believe him. My stomach and boobs have stretch marks and I care less and less everyday. Now I wear bikinis to the beach and guess what? It feels great.