Postpartum

Always Insecure (Ashlin)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 7 Comments

I’m not sure how to begin this, I have started an entry only to delete it I don’t know how many times out of fear… So I guess I’ll start by saying Hi :) My name is Ashlin, I am 21 years old. I spent most of my teen years taking care of my mom and little sister. My mom has had MS since I was born. When I was 14 her doctors put her through chemo treatments hoping it would slow the progression of MS. It did the opposite, she went downhill so fast. It killed me to watch my best friend lying there with her legs curled up to her chest, not even able to remember my name, and having the doctors tell me they didn’t think she’d “last very long.” I’m shaking just typing this, it still infuriates me. Anyways that was a very dark time in my life. I started self harm, eating disorders and isolating myself from everyone close to me. Everyone was telling me the one person who was always there, always loved me was going to either never be who she used to be or was just going to die. I didn’t want to be alive anymore. That’s when I met my husband, he helped me stop harming myself and supported me through the eating disorders. Shortly after, my mom started to slowly recover. When I found out I was pregnant at 16 all I could think was how I was going to tell her. How could I do this to her? I was scared it would crush her. I had so much guilt and anger and sadness built up inside. I waited as long as I could to tell her, when I did she cried a little but as always she supported me, through the whole pregnancy, and delivery, she was there, I named my daughter after her…Somehow I never realized just how much influence my mom has had on my life until writing this.. Anyways 2 years later we found out we were pregnant with baby number two. We thought were going to have another little girl whose name was going to be Hope, but in the delivery room “she” ended up being a he. Best surprise ever. :) Before My pregnancies I weighed 135lbs, After my second pregnancy I weighed 161lbs. I was happy with everything except my body. My husband loved it, but I had SO many stretch marks and so much saggy skin and no boobs… I couldn’t bare to look at myself. When my son was a year old I decided to do something about it so I worked my butt off and lost 40 lbs. I can still only see the old me in the mirror, I don’t see any differences most of the time. Although some days I feel better about myself than other days. I know the most important thing is my beautiful healthy babies, and if the most perfect little people in the world think I’m beautiful then that’s all that matters. :) The first picture is my momma and my son, The second is me a year PP, the third picture is just showing how deep my marks are, the fourth picture is my now the fifth is my beautiful babies :) My babies are 1 and 2

A Work in Progress (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 8 Comments

I am a 24 year old first time mum. I went into this knowing of most of the complications that can happen when you give birth..my story goes like this:

I really was interested in doing this the natural way, no drugs etc. But when I became two weeks overdue my doctor became concerned but still left the choice up to me to wait (so grateful). However, when my baby showed a bit of distress we decided to induce. On a quick side note, she was supposed to be a christmas baby, then we bypassed that, then new years, and then she was actually born on my birthday, January 9th!

Anyways, I was induced on a monday morning and went drug free after that for 24 hours. I was in labor a total of 36 hours! By the 24th hour I was pretty tired and tried the gas, no use, tried morphine, didn’t even make a dent in the pain. So finally they figured my labor stalled and wanted to give me pitocin. I was okay with that, trying to go with the flow, and had an epidural as well. I finally slept, which was great! Then things started picking up! Now we were pushing! Fantastic! Except I was pushing for 4 hours with no progress. Bring on another edpiural top up and a doctor suggesting a C Section and I had that baby out by wednesday morning at 4 am. I was extremely surprised when they weighed my baby girl at 10lbs 3 ounces!! Mind you, I looked ridiculous pregnant, I’m 5″3I was HUGE! Makes sense haha. I tore really bad though, a 3rd degree right down the middle, then another first degree up the right side. 3 blood transfusions and a bunch of IVs later, we were released on Thursday.

So with all that in mind, the fact that I have a 3 finger diastasis recti and am doing so much physio, due to the stress on my body, I am still extremely upset that I haven’t bounced back faster. I thought I was in decent shape, I guess not. I look at my figure and I still look 3 months pregnant and there is NOTHING I can do about it now. I think that is the worst part. I wish some one would tell me that I will continue to make progress. I wish that I could just melt this tummy away, it’s soft and jiggly and I hate the way it moves and It really doesn’t feel a part of me. It sucks, and I am sad at how frumpy I look and feel.

Age= 24
Number of pregnancies= 1
Number of children= 1
Month postpartum= 7 and a bit

First and second picture is 41 + 2 days pregnant, the third is about a month post, the fourth and fifth is about 4 months post. I haven’t done a recent photo. But it has gone down and the stretch marks aren’t so red anymore. Please, tell me what you think.

My Tears (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 20+ Years Postpartum, 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 17 Comments

I came across this website after following a link at the bottom of an article on government fiscal policy of all things.

Without reading a single story, just the opening statement, I found myself in tears. Not a soft, delicate, salty trickle of shared sadness, but a harsh, tsunami of tears, so hot I thought my cheeks would blister. If my reaction to this site took anyone by surprise, it was certainly myself. But with those tears came a sudden epiphany – a deep and startlingly profound understanding of myself, and how I see myself and, hence, my world.

I have always had body image issues. As a young teen I was a curvy, top heavy size 12 and my friends model thin, flat chested size 6 and 8. There has never been a time in my life where I haven’t been focussed on my weight, my size or my shape to one degree or another, and not in a positive way. When I look back now, I am amazed at how good I looked as a teen and I feel sadness that I was so obsessed with wanting to be Kate Moss thin like my friends that I didn’t appreciate how healthy and normal I was.

I had my first child at 19, my second at 22, my third at 31. Each pregnancy saw me stay a little heavier and my body shape change a little more, but I wasn’t obsessed by it, even though I was still always dieting and wanting to look better and thinner. Overall it was ok – my, then, husband liked my body, I was still a size 13/14, and my baby pouch which had nurtured our three babies, was just a part of me.

When my marriage failed everything changed. I found myself in another relationship with an attractive, successful and yet, on reflection, controlling and misogynistic man who had me constantly apologising for my weight and size and just about every other aspect of me. When I fell pregnant naturally at age 43, he stopped touching me – wouldn’t come near me, all physical, and emotional, connection ceased suddenly, and he started a string of affairs with numerous women that continued until I left the relationship with an 18 month old baby and a very differently sized and shaped body. If I thought my body changed after pregnancy in my 20’s and 30’s I didn’t know what to think about the changes from a pregnancy and a natural birth in my early 40’s.

I’ve been living on my own for a year now, but in reality I’ve been alone for three, and if I am honest much longer, as I now know the affairs started before the pregnancy. I suffered severe post natal depression, which continues now as just regular garden variety depression since my daughter is now 26 months old.

Every aspect of my life has deteriorated, including my once successful career, and relationships with my older children, family and friends have been affected and infected as I have isolated myself. I have no confidence, no self esteem, no value in myself. The simple act of dressing every morning is an emotional hurdle finding something to wear that “minimises my fatness”.

I feel inferior to colleagues at work, embarrassed taking my daughter to toddler dance class because of what the other mothers might think of me, I avoid time with dear old school friends because I am embarrassed. I would like an intimate relationship, but can’t even contemplate that a man I would find attractive would even give me a second look – overweight, cellulite, saggy breasts and a, now, very pronounced baby pouch.

If the father of my child rejects me because of how I look, how my body is, how can I expect anyone else to accept me

My epiphany is that I suddenly realised I have allowed the loathing and hate I have for my body to determine the self-image I have in every aspect of my life. And that’s stupid. How I look doesn’t affect my skill at work, or the love I have for my children and family or the quality of my friendships. I’ve spent the last few years investing in tummy tamers, hold me in undies and fantasising about affording a boob job, tummy tuck, arm thinning, liposuction and a multitude of other surgeries to make me “acceptable” to the world.

The reality is, if I do not love me, I can never let anyone else love me. Self-sabotage is a vicious disease.
My body tells my story –every bump, lump, lovehandle, stretchmark and wrinkle – but it does not define who I am. If people can’t see beyond the lumps and bumps on my body that tell my story they doesn’t deserve to be part of that story

I need to see beyond the lumps and bumps on my body that tell my story. I need to accept and love and like myself.
And I suspect that there are going to be a lot more tears before I can do that.

092713-anon-1

Fit After a Son and Twins (Jen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Twins

I am Jen and I am 30 years old. I have an 8 year old son and 6 month old twin girls! They are awesome kids and they make me smile every day. Of course having twins is not something that everyone plans. I found out that they were twins when I was only 6 weeks pregnant. Of course I was overjoyed but scared to death also. I have been a genetically thin person my whole life, but a few years back I got into working out and eating healthy and my body changed from being thin to being muscular and strong. I loved it. I was a very active person before my pregnancy. I had great abs and I was scared that I would never see them again. I wanted healthy babies of course, but I didn’t want to gain a bunch of unneeded weight. My doctor told me that it was ok if I continued to workout during my pregnancy not exceeding a lifting amount of 20lbs. I stayed within his rules of course for my babies’ safety. Naturally, before pregnancy, I worked super hard for my body and health and was really scared of the after effects of carrying twins. I had never had twins before and yes everyone had to tell me their after baby body horror stories. I knew right away I was going to deliver via c section. I had a hard birth with the first and a horrible episiotomy. I knew I didn’t want to go through that again and it was safer for the babies. Everyone told me about how I better kiss the bikini body goodbye because c sections cause a lifelong potbelly that cannot be fixed. I am not the type to listen to this stuff because just because it happened to them does NOT mean it will happen to me. I lotioned every single day, up to 8 times a day towards the end. I only carried my twins to 33 weeks. I gained a total of 17 lbs and the babies were very healthy!! They came early due to a membrane rupture. I held them in for 10 days after my water ruptured. They did have a NICU stay but it wasn’t for long. They were just tiring out while eating. I want to tell women that I am just an average Jane. I am nothing special, not a celebrity. I want women to know that you don’t have to be a celebrity to have a bikini body after babies. I want to be an inspiration to eat healthy not only for your benefit but for the baby as well. My c section recovery was very quick. I was super sore for 72 hours. I went back to the gym after 2 and a half weeks. I did not work abs because my doctor told me it wasn’t safe just yet. After my 6 week check up he gave me the ok to go back to abs. It was hard at first but I kept at it and my core strength came back stronger than ever. I’m 5 foot 8 and weigh around 127 now. I did not get any stretch marks with either pregnancy due to tons of water, tons of lotion and good collagen genetics. Before pregnancy I was 135. I feel great being able to run after my 8 year old and catch him! I enjoy being able to run around like a crazy person aka mom of twins, and have lots of energy. I want my children to see me working out and follow in my footsteps on the healthy road the way I did with my dad, who was a competitive power lifter during my childhood. I love living a healthy lifestyle! I couldn’t feel better!!

Number of pregnancies: 2 and 3 births
First photo is 3 weeks pp, 2nd photo is 32 weeks pregnant vs 8 weeks pp and the last photo is 6 months pp!

8 Years Later (Autumn)

Bonnie (SOAM) Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 1 Comment

Previous post here.

My name is Autumn. I’ve posted here a few times but figured I’d show the progression of my belly a good while after having my son.

I am about to turn 26, my son is about to turn 8. I’d like to say I’m 100% happy with my body, 100% of the time… But I wouldn’t be being honest. I still have my good days and my bad bad bad days when it comes to my body. But I really have come a long way, for instance, I felt pretty sexy when I snapped this photo.

Perspective (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 4 Comments

There are days when I love my body! There are moments when I love my body. There are times when I have to remind myself I should be happy that I have two functioning arms, legs, and a relatively healthy body + mind. Alas I guess we can all have our good + bad days, our good + bad moments.

I have two daughters that I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for! I hope they will grow up to love themselves + be healthy. My oldest is 5 and my youngest is 15 months.

After my first pregnancy at 26 my body rebounded like a rubber band. I was left with some little stretch marks, but I lost all the weight, still had some volume in my breasts after I weaned my daughter and I even had a toned tummy. My skin was not really stretched out and I felt good about myself.

After my second pregnancy at 30 it was a different story. I didn’t know that pregnancy could change my body the way it did the second time around. I had a much harder time losing the weight, the tummy just didn’t spring back like it did with the first and I was left with excess skin through the mid-section. Luckily this doesn’t show unless I’m bent over. I can feel it + the tightness is just not there, but maybe it will get better with time (and maybe not—that’s ok too). I also lost a substantial amount of volume in my breasts the second time around, especially when I weaned my daughter a few months ago. Little sacrifices in comparison to the gift of mothering two amazing little girls.

I gained 34 pounds with my first pregnancy + 35 with my second so the amount of weight gained was not the difference. I weighed 169 going into labor with my first + 170 going into labor with my second. I’m 5’7″ and I weigh about 130 now, a few pounds lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight (I got pregnant weighing about 135 both times). My first daughter weighed a healthy 7lbs15oz and my second weighed in at 8lbs14oz.

Here are some pictures…One after my first pregnancy, one of me 8.5months pregnant with my second, one of my tummy standing flexed, one relaxed, a tummy shot laying down, and a couple tummy shots from under “downward dog” position to show the extra skin. The good the bad + the ugly…it’s all about perspective. I just thought I’d show that all of these are me.

~Age:31
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 years + 15 months

Metamorphosis In More Ways Than One (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 4 Comments

I was five days overdue with my first child. My husband and i chose not to find out if it was a boy or a girl because we loved the idea of the surprise. However, i felt very strongly ever since i knew i was pregnant that i was having a boy. I was five days overdue (which is normal for a first pregnancy). I really enjoyed my pregnancy. I didn’t get too sick, i loved my changing body, my husband did too, and we were in awe of the energy and beauty of sensing our baby grow. I did not get stretchmarks, not one single one, until i was 8 months pregnant. And then, boom, boom, boom, they rippled up my sides in angry purple streaks like lightning preparing for a storm. Out of any change that my body went through, this one challenged me the most. Now, 2 1/2 months pp, i feel that they will fade and i will learn to accept them as battle scars….for my birth was truly a battle of fears and it was a rebirth for me too. I love my son with my entire being. He is the most precious gift and i knew without a doubt he was meant to come to this planet. Thank you for blessing us with your presence my little one. He was born 5/13/13 at 10:14 pm and weighed 7 lb, 3 oz.

~Age: 24
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 1/2 months

Mom of Three (Amanda)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 5 Comments

number of pregnancies-3
number of children-3
age 29
2 years PP

My name is Amanda, Im 29 years old, Ive always been “healthy” but not healthy, im a chocoholic and never put much thought into what I was putting into my mouth, if it was deep fried even better I ALWAYS had a struggle with my size, my shoulders are too wide, my ribcage too big…. I used to box a bit, would go to the gym but was never what you would call “fit”. I had my first baby at the age of 15, I gained about 70Lbs with my first pregnancy (im 5’2″ was about 110 to start) not too many stretch marks I lucked out. 24 hour natural delivery 7lbs 13.5oz. A lot of people had a lot of things to say about my age but here we are. He saved my life in more ways than he could ever understand. I was a single mother for 8 years, finished highschool ontime, went to college, got a job and moved out to support my son and myself (my parents are two amazing people not many would do for their 15 year old pregnant daughter what mine did for me) I was in and out of relationships with men who just weren’t ready to be parents, and that’s ok, I understand that now. I was barely ready myself but my son and I grew up together and we still are. I FINALLY reconnected with my first love from when I was 13, we were separated for 12 years because I moved a few provinces away. He moved to us and immediately we were a family, something “clicked” I got pregnant with my second son I was 130lbs, gained only 30 lbs walked every day to take my oldest to and from school, and worked on my feet. only 6 hour natural delivery, 7 lbs 10oz. not so lucky this time in the stretch mark department I got some on my belly more on my legs, My breasts shot from a D to somewhere in the F range. My hubby and I got married a year after he was born I was 146Lbs. And then Came bebebgirl… We got pregnant October 2010 I somehow managed to hit 160 within 3 months and just…bloomed from there, I was put off work early because of damage that was done to my hips during my first pregnancy (I was still growing yadda yaddda) so my legs were falling asleep at random. I have OCD so all I did was clean, eat, play with my kids and lay on the couch stuffing my face. that was my day, every day. take out daily, July 21 2011 weighing in at 210Lbs after two and a half “blissful” days of natural labor I gave birth to bebegirl 8lbs 3 oz. LOTS of stretch marks LOTS of extra skin… fast forward 8 mos pp and heres where the fun begins, my husband gets a promotion and moves to a different city while I stay put with all three children so our oldest can finish out the school year. Im somewhere around 195lbs have tried EVERYTHING, nothing works, I get bored easily and quit easily!! I cry in the mirror, I know im not this person, I want to be able to run with my kids again, I want my daughter to grow up without all my hangups. Finally a friend is trying this new program and I decided to try it too. And I saw results, I would have to stop half way through to feed my dd so some nights I would be working out until 1030 or so, but I LOVED IT. It was ME time and I was getting stronger!! fast forward another 16 months and I have lost 101 lbs, from my 210, have totally changed my lifestyle, my eating habits (slowly) and even became a fitness coach!! I work from home, get to be here with my babes and am heathier than I have ever been, I still have my stretch marks and my extra skin on my belly but Im HEALTHY and my babies are healthy, I still sometimes think of maybe a tummy tuck, but im scared silly. I want my kids to see that healthy is the way to be no matter your shape or size being healthy is the key, eating clean and staying active. mommy has muscles and that’s ok, I can hug them tighter and hold them longer. I can run and play and do handstands and summersaults with them. Best of all, I can out push up their daddy (shhhh that’s our secret lol)

1st is me pregnant with my first
2nd is me pregnant with my 2nd
3rd is me at my highest of 210
4th is me in labour with #3 lol
5th is our wedding day
6-8 are my transformation pictures and my recent
Have a Fit Day!!

No confidence & wrecked body! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 6 Comments

Age:17
Pregnancies/births: 1
Age: 2
Postpartum: 2

I had my daughter aged 14, young but very mature.
Always disliked my figure even though I was thin.
I ate everything and anything I could get my hands on to. I didn’t care about eating healthy and keeping for throughout my pregnancy even though I walked everywhere. I had no bump until 24 weeks when it appeared out of no way also had no stretch marks until 34 weeks which I was devastate about. Hated looking at them and the thought of then being there forever.
I have birth to my daughter at 36 weeks in October 2010.
Almost 3 years and I still have my horrible stomach due to no exercise and poor diet.
Looking in the mirror always gets me depressed and I wonder how anyone could love me or my body if I hate myself for it.
I am now determined to loose weight and tone up my stomach by July 2014

Photos:
34 weeks pregnant!
Almost 3 years later.

Any advice on how to tone and loose weight?

First Pregnancy (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 7 Comments

Anonymous
Age 21
Number of Pregnancies 1
Number Of Births 1
Age of Child 4 months

When I become pregnant with my daughter it was a total surprise. Luckily I had an easy pregnancy, only got sick a few times and worked up until I was 38 weeks. When I found out that I was pregnant I was 5’4″ and 120 pounds. A little on the heavy side for myself, but still at a healthy weight. Pre pregnancy I fluctuated anywhere from 110-115 pounds. I ate whatever I wanted while I was pregnant but didn’t overindulge. I ate when I was hungry, and stopped when I was full. I gained weight slowly at first but then into my third trimester it really picked up. The day I went into labor I weighed 143, so a 23 pound weight gain total.

I had always had small breasts, but proportionally they looked fine on my small frame. I was a B cup pre pregnancy and a large C throughout my pregnancy. When my milk came in I was a DD. My pregnant belly always was on the smaller side, when they measured it at my appointments I usually was measuring anywhere between two and four weeks behind schedule. I even had an ultrasound to check and make sure my daughter didn’t have growth retardation. I was told that since I was on the small side myself it was likely I would have a small baby. Because of the fact my belly was generally smaller than average, and I gained my weight so gradually, I attribute that to the fact that I didn’t get a single stretch mark on my tummy. My breasts are another story altogether however. I call them “tiger boobs” because they are so covered in stretch marks. My daughter was never able to latch so I pumped exclusively for two months until my milk dried up. When my milk went away I went back to a B cup. My breasts are still perky, but feel less dense. They are definitely softer, but aside from the stretch marks they look nearly exactly the same as they did before.

I went overdue with my daughter and was set to be induced on a Wednesday. On Sunday night I had horrible contractions that made me double over in pain, they finally went away so the next night when I had them again, I thought that they would just go away. They started Monday morning at 2 am, by 9 am I couldn’t take the pain anymore and was begging my husband to take me to the hospital, if nothing else I could get something for pain to hold me over until Wednesday. We went to the hospital and hooked my up to the monitors. I was 3 cm dilated (I had been 2 cm for weeks). They left and said they would check back in an hour to see how I had progressed. After 45 minutes I hit the call light in tears begging for some relief from the pain. They checked me again and I was 5cm, they then admitted me. I was expecting to be sent home, so I was definitely in shock that today would be the day. I got the epidural at 12 pm and from there it was smooth sailing. At 4:32 pm after pushing for 3 contractions my sweet girl was born weighing in at 7lbs 1oz. Up until I pushed, I was told she was ‘definitely small’. She was so beautiful and I was instantly in love.

I wore a post partum belly binder for a few weeks. My belly was flat after six days but still felt like mush. It took about two months to feel firm again. At 5 weeks I was working out again. I weighed 133 when I came home from the hospital, 117 at two months post partum, and 107 at three months postpartum. I now fluctuate between 105-108. I run about 16 miles a week, and watch what I eat, but overall I am happy with my body. I gave another person life and that is the most miraculous thing a body can do. I didn’t have expectations to look exactly as I used to so I can’t be disappointed.

I used to check this website religiously throughout my pregnancy, I wanted to see how pregnancy affected other women, I was nervous but I knew that giving new life and being a mother was the most important thing. To say that pregnancy didn’t change my body would be a lie. I do think that genetics and age play the largest role in your transformation though. That’s why I never slathered myself in cocoa butter or bio oil. I knew if I was going to get stretch marks that’s just the way it would be, and it was useless to worry about it. The picture of me in the pink bikini is pre-pregnancy. I weighed 112 in that photo. The photo of me in the green sweatpants is six days after giving birth, I swear by the belly binder for making your tummy go back down quickly. The next is a side by side comparison of 39 weeks pregnant and two months post-partum. Two months is when I began to feel good about my body again and my tummy started to firm up, I was about 115 in that photo. The last photo is of me four months post partum weighing in at 106. I’m now at a point where I’m just trying to maintain my health. If anyone has any questions please feel free to ask. I know how much this website helped me and I just want to help others in their journeys into motherhood. :)