Postpartum

Struggling for Acceptance (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 22 Comments

I’m 24 years old and I’m a mother to a 2 1/2 year old daughter and a 10 month old son. I got pregnant when I was 21 though it really wasn’t in my plans at that time. I was not married when I found out, but my BF and I did what we thought was right and married when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I started out my pregnancy at 130 lbs. It was the most I had weighed yet in my life. I always thought I was heavier than I should be for 5’3 and since I was 12 years old I have been dieting. Never able to succeed at weight loss I found myself turning to drastic measures. I toyed with bulimia, anorexia and stimulant drugs to try and lose weight. The lowest I ever was able to get was 114. When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter I was terrified of gaining a lot of weight. I have two older sisters that became obese after pregnancy and both have turned to Gastric Bypass now. I was terrified and I found the website www.babyfit.com. This website taught me so much about healthy and natural weight loss and weight management during pregnancy. I started to exercise faithfully for the first time in my life and watched what I ate. I exercised up until the day I gave birth and only gained 17 lbs. 2 weeks PP I was 7 lbs lighter than I had began pregnancy and by 6 months PP I weighed in at 98 lbs. I did nothing except eat healthy and breastfeed. I was on cloud nine with what I was able to achieve with my body, yet I still didn’t feel good about myself. When I got pregnant with my son my body was starving. I felt like my hunger was uncontrollable and I went on a 3 month binge at the beginning of my pregnancy. I gained 12 lbs in the first 3 months. Very depressed and struggling terribly with the weight gain there were times that I wished for a miscarriage. My bulimia came back 10 fold and I’m lucky to have birthed a healthy baby boy. Though I am back down to 104 lbs, I’m still miserable inside my body. My quest for self-confidence seems never ending and I know it’s because happiness comes from within. I don’t think it will ever matter what the scale says unless I can find a happiness within I will never be content. I’m grateful for this website. It helps me to appreciate what I have.

First Picture: 14 weeks pregnant with first child
Second Picture: 4 Weeks Pregnant with 2nd child
Third Picture: 36 weeks pregnant with 2nd child
Fourth Picture: 10.5 month PP with 2nd child

Not Giving Up and Acceptance (Alex)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Butt, Hispanic, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 9 Comments

Name: Alex
Age: 30
Pregnancies: 2 Births: 2
DD1: 3 yrs old
DD2: 1 yr old

I’m so glad I found this website. I have been looking for a site like this for a little while now because I want to know more about other real women out there and their experiences (not celebrities-they don’t count and real) and to talk about my own experience. I want to know what other real women experience. Most of the time I feel like “I’m the only one” and I know I am not.

I had my first daughter at age 27. My husband and I planned the pregnancy. Overall I really wanted to have a baby mostly because I just love my husband so much and I want not just have any baby but HIS baby. I feel so proud and blessed to have him in my life. We were so excited when we had her. I remember it was 8 am when we started heading to the hospital to have her. We just keep looking at each other with excitement like “it’s finally happening” lol. Prior to being pregnant I felt beautiful and sexy. I didn’t have a perfect body by any means but I sure felt good about myself. I wore beautiful clothes, sexy lingerie and I just felt GOOD, you know? That all changed the day I had my daughter. It was amazing how I went from feeling like one of the most beautiful women to feeling like I couldn’t even bare to look at myself in the mirror, that bad! I also feel like I have aged 10-12 years in a matter of 3 years. How can this be so? I feel old. I feel all my youth and beauty has left me. I hate taking pictures and I’m embarrassed when I see people that I haven’t seen in a long time because I figure they must be thinking “wow, she’s so fat now”. Pre-baby I weighed around 125 lbs on average and I’m 5’4 so not bad. I’m hispanic so it comes with the territory of being a little thicker and that’s ok. I want to look like I did just 3 years ago. Even when I was 5 months pregnant in my 1st pregnancy I looked like a baby. I look at the pictures and it’s amazing. I was 27 at the time and looked more like I was 18. Now I’m 30 and I feel like I look 40. During the 1st pregnancy I gained 41 lbs. At my highest I was 171 lbs. When I left the hospital I had only lost 1 lbs! Huh? 1 lbs after having a baby how is this even possible? It took about 6-7 months before I started loosing some weight. In total I lost about 25 lbs of the 41 that I gained but I was starting to look alright. I thought ok this is going well, next thing you know I was pregnant again with DD2.

So needless to say DD2 was not planned. I was so disappointed because I thought, great, now I’m going to gain more weight on top of what I already have! So with DD2 I reached 181 lbs. She will be 1 yr old next month and today I weigh 163 lbs. It’s a constant Struggle. Most of all I hate the feeling of not being happy with myself because overall I think it affects my daughters and one day I will regret not taking pictures with them because I feel fat and ugly. They deserve better but how do I get over this feeling? Everyday I try my best to eat healthier, low calorie, low fat in an attempt to get back to the old me and I wonder at what point will I finally be satisfied and be happy with myself?

Recently I ran into a former co-worker who has a 7 month old son. She is a thick woman, by no means fat or overweight but a little thicker and rounder I’d say. So when I saw her, I thought wow! Now how come she looks like she is back to her regular weight? She looked great and here I am with a belly still popping out a year later. Not only that but my lower abs are a little saggy, stretch marks on my waist etc…I work in the Fashion Industry and I would say most women in this industry don’t have kids and the ones that do come back to work looking like they’d never been pregnant to begin with, makes me look like there’s something wrong with me. And I get these thoughts that maybe my husband is embarrassed too when we go out. He’s the type that loves me to dress up, get my hair done, nails, the whole bit. But when nothing fits what’s the point. I still need to have that husband that is attracted to me. Feels like I’m letting him down. Don’t get me wrong he’s a sweet heart but maybe I’m not meeting his expectations.

So I’m gonna brave this out and post some pictures because after all this site is about sharing and I want to be one more ‘real woman’.

Time Machines Don’t Exist, Unfortunately (Mir)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 5 Comments

I posted a belly photo of myself in February along with my thoughts and totally forgot to go look at it again until last night.

I want to post another couple of photos now, six months on showing my belly again. What has changed in six months? The most dramatic/helpful change is that I went back to work–which improved my level of sanity and just made me feel better about myself overall. Now, my son gets more quality time with me even if it’s not quantity. Before he was spending so much time with me but neither of us were happy with that. The set-up is much better now.

I’m not really sure how much weight I’ve lost–probably about 15-20 pounds (I’m about 175 pounds now)–haven’t exercised at all–just walk everywhere I go. I still need to lose another 30-40 pounds to be down to a good/pre-pregnancy weight. Even if I don’t lose that amount of weight, I’ve dropped about 4-5 pants sizes so that’s nothing to complain about. My boobs are still saggy but I’ve gone from a D-cup down to a C-ish cup which is nice–maybe someday I’ll see a B cup again but by then my boobs will be even more raisin-like probably. My belly is still stretched out beyond compare (nothing to do with fat–just the lose skin that’s hangin’ around there).

Um…I’m sorta neutral right now on the body-image thing. I probably still feel pretty sad and hurt over the whole thing but I try not to think about it because it just makes me feel like shit, honestly. Have decided that I’m not having any more children and have made peace with that as well in the past six months. I’m going to just keep doing a damn good job raising one and it’s gonna be awesome (probably). Thanks for all who commented before and for this encouraging site!

~Your Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth (more than enough!)
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 son, age almost 20 months, 20 months post-partum

Updated here.

That’s Why You’re Beautiful (Traci)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 6 Comments

Previous entry here.

The first time I posted here was 2 years ago. That’s quite scary! Our little ones grow up so fast. I have been viewing this site for three or maybe more years now and I am blown away by the many women who post and say they dislike their body or that they are unappy with themselves now that they have had a child, and while I can understand that (believe me, I do!) it saddens me so much because now that I am older I can truely appreciate what my body has done for me. My body had to grow to make room for a tiny human. And in growing it had to stretch that little bit extra because we can never predict how big our little squirts are going to be. And due to stretching we are given little rivers on our tummy (back, thighs, calves, breasts, etc) that grow as our baby grows. Lets face it, our little ones must get bored staring at their placenta all day! Imagine when the light or sun shines on your tummy and those stretch marks create little patterns for your baby to look at. Babies begin to learn in the womb. Wouldn’t it be nice to know they had something to look at other than their water sack! :)

What I am trying to say is, it took me a long time to realise I was beautiful. Not because of my face or my body, but because I could truely appreciate how lucky I am to have a healthy child who I watch growing every single day. I am blessed. I tell you something, I would MUCH rather have some stupid stretch marks than NOT have my son at all.

There are so many women (and men) who would take all the stretch marks, saggy skin and droopy boobs if it meant they could conceive a child of their own. Unfortunately, in some sense, things dont turn out in that way for everyone.

Biological mother or adoptive mother, either way, you are beautiful, not because of your face or your body, but because you can truely appreciate being a mother.

“Diamonds used to be coal, look young ’cause they’ve got soul. That’s why they’re beautiful.
And my heart used to be cold, ’til your hands laid on my soul. And that’s why you’re beautiful”

I attached some recent pictures of myself and how my body has changed since my last post and the rest are my two wonderful boys :)

~Your Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 years and 2 months

Mother of a Princess (MommaMykah)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

Mother of a Princess

I’m 27 years old and a proud mother of an eight month old princess. She is my first and only child.

I’ve never been self-conscious about by body (in fact I loved my body) until after I had my baby and my breast went from pointy and perky to sagging and looking at the ground. My once flat tummy is now a flabby tummy, that I can work on but the breast are really making me depressed.

I was searching around on breast sites looking for company in my pity party and I came across this website. No one tells you that when you become a mommy you would never look the same again. All the celebrity images we are bombarded with make us feel like we are not beautiful anymore, well that’s how I felt anyway. But this website a shape of a mother got me thinking, that I am normal and my breast are normal for a mother and I am beautiful. I have read other mom’s stories and it has given me such strength and courage to love my body once again. Though I am not back at the mirror viewing stage, I am learning little by little to accept my sagging breasts, for I have breast fed my baby to a healthy weight, and I am learning to love my stretch marks for they are battle scars for borning a princess and my flabby tummy for it held my Princess close to me as she grew.

Thank you to all of the posts they have given me the boost I needed to love myself again, breast included :) .

Below are pictures of my body before my princess and 8 months after my princess. See her attached too.

MommaMykah

Mommy-ware (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 12 Comments

At 23 I became pregnant. I had never wanted children and enjoyed being just an aunt. Quickly I grew excited for the new baby growing inside me. I reveled in the joys of nesting and planning. I did tell myself though that I would not wear traditional maternity clothes and manage to go most of my pregnancy with few maternity items despite the fact I gained nearly 40 lbs! I also told myself I wouldn’t go around in what i thought was “mom-gear” : exercise clothes, t-shirts, gym shoes, once the baby arrived. I now live in comfortable clothes that are usually spit-up stained or covered with spaghetti sauce from dinner and I am okay with it. I haven’t quite gotten down to my pre-pregnancy weight nor do I expect to ever have my “old” body back and I’m okay with that too.

It is hard sometimes to look in my closet and see all the beautiful clothes I spent years collecting and know that I can’t just slip them on and go like I used too, but there are far more important things in life; my son is learning how to crawl and today it looks like he’s doing the worm perhaps tomorrow it will resemble something closer to a crab walk. I know that I am blessed with a son who loves me, a partner who supportive and a family I can always count on.

I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings even if I have to wear yoga pants find out. Special thanks to this site for making all women comfortable in their skin!

1st Pregnancy, 8mos PP (today!)

Anonymous

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 14 Comments

Hello, I am a 24 year old single mother. I found out I was pregnant with my daughter right after my 22nd birthday and gave birth Christmas day 2007. My daughter was small only weighing 6 pounds 15 ounces and 19 1/4 inches long. Though you couldn’t tell with the 80 pounds I gained. When I found out I was pregnant and told her father he was totally against me having her, he pushed abortion and when I refused he started dating someone else. All this extra stress didn’t seem to help with my extreme weight gain. I have always struggled with my weight and been heavy my whole life, when I had finally lost weight. At the time I got pregnant I was 158 pounds which wasn’t bad for my 5’8” frame. I always figured i would lose 20 or 30 pounds from giving birth, I came home 10 pounds lighter. I didn’t get many stretch marks, but I hate the way my body looks now. I now weight 193 and it is extremely hard to lose weight. Its hard to come to terms with my self and I have little to no self confidence. My daughter is now 19 months old and is my life, I wouldn’t change anything and she is the best choice I have ever made. I just feel so disgusted by myself, I feel unlovable at times. I found this site about a year back and it does make me feel better and I feel the support. The pictures are of me 19monts pp.

Updated here and here.

I’m not so sure I hate my body anymore (Nicole)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 15 Comments

~Your Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Currently 15 1/2 weeks PP (photos taken at 13 weeks PP)

I have struggled with my body image ever since I was a child. I remember, when I was in primary school, sucking in my stomach during swimming lessons so that it would be flatter than the other girls’ tummies (it’s a habit I have had ever since). In high school I developed severely disordered eating, accompanied by anxiety and depression, and battled my body and weight for a very long time.

5 years ago I met and then married an amazing man who thinks I am beautiful and tells me so often. I loved being pregnant – I was healthy, happy and have never felt so beautiful in my life! My stomach, long despised, was my pride and joy. I was pregnant in summer and would walk to the pool in my bikini.

I put on 15 kg (33lb) while I was pregnant. It was 38 weeks before I saw a stretch mark and when I found my first one (I got 4 or 5) I cried and cried. And then I realised – millions of women around the world have nowhere safe to give birth, no doctors or midwives or antenatal care, how dare I act like this is the end of the world??!!! I was horrified at my vanity. My husband thinks they’re cool. He says they make me look like a pirate. I’m not so sure but they’re growing on me.

Labour was surprising, quick and hard. My son was born naturally just over 4 hours after my waters broke, 3 days before his due date. I’ve been told I was ‘lucky’ but going from the odd prelabour Braxton-Hicks to full, active labour in minutes left me feeling like I had been hit by a truck, both during my labour and for weeks afterwards. I quietly envy my friends’ stories of relaxing in the bath between their contractions!

Postpartum, I had expected to look pregnant for months after delivery, but what my hungry little boy hasn’t sucked out I unfortunately seem to have lost in a distressing haze of postnatal anxiety. It’s nice to fit into my old clothes but I would rather be fatter and happier. My body’s landscape is completely different now– where once there was muscle and firmness there just seems to be softness all over the place. I jiggle when I wiggle. My butt, which I used to like, now just kind of sags and squishes around in my pants. My problem skin flared during pregnancy and again now as I’m breastfeeding. My poor breasts have succumbed to mastitis four times.

But in the end, when I stop for a moment to silence the negative voices, I am kind of in awe of my body. It grew and protected my baby for 9 months. It was strong enough to withstand the full force of labour without a single drug or stitch. It has fed and sustained my son entirely for nearly four months now. I look at my body and then across at my sleeping child – the most beautiful I have ever beheld – and realise that my body is amazing and I can’t wait to do it all again.

Updated here.

I brought 6 amazing people into the world, if you don’t like my body, don’t look! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Four or More Pregnancies, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Twins 28 Comments

28 yrs old, 5 pregnancies, 6 children (twins), 3 weeks postpartum

I am a 28 year old mom of 6 beautiful children. I have 10 year old twin girls, 8 and 6 year old boys, a 4 year olds and just gave birth to our 4th girl 3 weeks ago. I am always told that I look “great for having that many kids”…I feel that although my body has changed…quite alot with every pregnancy that the changes that remain are a small price to pay for being lucky enough to be a mother to these beautiful babies. My once perky D’s…are sadly no longer perky…They have breastfed 5 children and are currently nursing the newborn…I don’t think any new stretch marks have appeared but those I have are faded…but visible, my belly is wrinkly. I dont care…I still wear a bikini. The people who want to judge us…well they obviously aren’t mothers. But alas, one day we ALL age and our bodies WILL change…that is life…why waste time worrying about that? Let’s rejoice in our ability to create and bring to life new people!!

(Third photo is updated at seven months postpartum – Jan 2010)

Badge of Honor (Teresa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 4 Comments

I went my whole pregnancy without stretch marks, until the last two weeks. I had mixed emotions about them, and various emotions about the 53 pounds of weight I gained. I was hoping to make it through without gaining a solitary mark.

The first few days were horrifying after delivery. I looked heavier then I did during pregnancy, yet… I had so much stretchy excess skin. I ignored the mirror as best I could, and only truly looked in it once my ankles made their returning debut.

Now, that I am 3 weeks post delivery; I look at my body, realizing I still have half the weight to lose until my pre-pregnancy body. There’s still room for major improvement with my body image, but I am content at the moment. I respect my stretch marks, and look at them and am proud. Kind of like a badge of honor. I earned these from all the hard work my body and mind putt into creating the best thing a person could create. I earned them creating another human being, the miracle of life. I sport them proud with my head held high.

Im proud of my stretch marks, if people say they are road maps, then they are the maps to pure bliss.

072609-teresa-1