Postpartum

My Story (Chrissy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 19 Comments

~Age: 19 almost 20
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 1/2 months postpartum

After nine months of trying, starting almost imediately after our honeymoon ended, my husband and I became pregnant for the first time. It was very shortly after my eighteenth birthday that I conceived. I had a relatively easy pregnancy, not a whole lot of morning sickness or heartburn. I was very uncomfortable, what with round ligament pain and other aches. So much so that I would sometimes remain in bed all day. I did feel beautiful and fertile, all rounded and plump. And I treasured every little kick and movement that ensured me of the healthy, happy little one that was growing inside my womb.
Today marks the day when my son Raydon turns 2 and a 1/2 months old. He is the most beautiful little boy and I wouldnt trade him for anything in the world. I was 38 weeks to the day, June 14th, 2009, when my water broke. I had been pulling an all nighter with my uncle and husband and therefore had had absolutely no sleep. Unfortunately, that left me facing a 16 hour labor exausted. My original goal had been an all natural birth, with no chemical pain relief. In my case, that was not going to be an option because I totally panicked at four centimeters and begged for an epidural. After the epidural kicked in, I was finally able to sleep. Midway through the labor, my son began to have difficulties and was showing signs of distress. His heart rate kept dropping too low and the doctors were worried that my labor was too vigorous for him. They proceeded to flip me all over the place, without explaining what was going on, to try and raise his heartbeat. They also administered a drug to stop my contractions. As you can imagine, I was frantic. I still feel sick to my stomach thinking about the entire ordeal. The delivery itself seemed to be going well until the doctor thought my little boy was stuck. I had a nurse on top of me pushing on my belly while two others pushed my knees to my ears and the doctor pulled and twisted my poor baby around. My husband was unable to cut the umbilical cord and it was nearly ten minutes before I was even allowed to see my baby for they thought they had dislocated his shoulders. After all was said and done, both my son and I were fine and dandy and headed off to our room. Only a few short hours later, I hemoraged and had to receive the most excruciating treatment that I could ever imagine. The doctor had to use his hands to clear out the blood clots that had formed in my uterus. You can only imagine how painful that was. I am not completely sure if I want to have any more children. I am thoroughly traumatized.
Fortunately, I have recovered well and my son is growing rapidly. I am pumping for him because I have disfunctional nipples ( I have flat or inverted nipples, making it very painful to breastfeed ). I gained a total of 45 pounds throughout my pregnancy and within the first three weeks, lost 30 of it. In the end of my pregnancy I weighed somewhere around 213 pounds. I am now down to 179, only nine pounds over my prepregnancy weight. I really hate the way my body looks… I have stretch marks that start two inches above my belly button and extend all the way down to approximately 5 inches below my knees. I feel as though I am disfigured and I fear, at times, that my husband will not find me desirable… I am self concious and sometimes feel awkward undressing in from of my husband, though he assures me daily that I am beautiful and sexy, that he loves my badges of honor ( stretch marks ). Even so, I feel ugly and floppy and I trully regret the fact that I never appreciated the body that I had before getting pregnant.
I know that with the proper diet and exercise, all will get better. I was recently in a car accident, so Im in physical therapy and I am afraid to pursue a more vigorous exercise regime.
This website has shown me that I AM beautiful and that I should wear my scars with pride, because with them, I brought the most beautiful little man into the world. My son is my life and I strive to be the best mommy for him. I just wish I felt more confident looking into the mirror…

Photos # 1-3 : 2 and a 1/2 month postpartum tummy
Photo # 4 : stretch marks on my leg
Photo # 5 : Side stretch marks
Photo # 6 : My little man
Photo # 7 : Mommy and Baby!

23 year old mum with 2 kids. 7 months PP (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 8 Comments

Hi, I am a 23 year old mum with 2 boys. Aged 2.5 and 7 months. I love my children and think they are the most wonderful gift that has been given to me. I wish I could think the same about my body.
I don’t think I look to bad for someone that has 2 children but I do see lots of room for improvement.
My husband tells me I am sexy and that he likes the look of me after having kids.

Somedays I wake up and think. OK I look pretty good today. Then other days I feel so ugly. I am getting there.

This summer I may even wear a bikini. Hubby thinks I have a good body for one so I might trust him on that. Then again maybe I will end up wearing a shirt over the top of it.

Finally Brave Enough to Face an Unwanted Reality (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, First Pregnancy, Hemorrhoids/Etc., Postpartum, Question, Update 72 Comments

Original entry here.

Age: 26
Pregnancy and births: 1
Age of children: 3 years

I’ve been avoiding writing this letter. I think it’s because writing it means I will have to face a reality I don’t want. For almost three years I have been telling myself “it’s got to get better – maybe just another year and it will be back to normal”, but I don’t know if I can believe that anymore. And to compound the problem, it’s one of those “off-limits” topics that women (and I now realize doctors, nurses, and prenatal educators) don’t really talk about which has left me rather isolated. I have turned to you wonderful women at SOAM in hopes that I can connect with someone who has had a similar experience. I last posted in 2007 and have also provided some updated pictures. It has now been almost three years since the birth of my wonderful daughter.

When I first posted on this site, I only addressed things that most women do: breasts, bum, thighs, stomach, stretch marks, etc. But as I have learned, there are many more parts of a woman’s body that pregnancy and childbirth can affect – one’s that aren’t so easily seen or covered with clothes, but that still affect our self image.

I had a fairly difficult birthing experience – my daughter was occiput posterior and it took 2+ hours of pushing until she finally made her entrance into the world. My birthing nurse was not very engaged or helpful and let me push and figure it all out of my own while she chatted with her colleagues. Not one helpful tip about pushing, no perineal massage, nothing, until I tore so badly that she had to run and get the doctor because there was so much blood. Thankfully, after about 1 year, these tears (one internally on the vaginal wall, and one perineal tear) healed up nicely and I have no recurring issues in this department. However, there was so much pressure from my daughter being OP and also not pushing efficiently that I suffered from hemorrhoids, a peri-anal hematoma, and anal fissures after her birth. In the maternity ward, not one nurse mentioned to me that I had hemorrhoids when they came around for my checks and I could barely left my legs for them. When I left the hospital 2 days later, I had to shuffle out of the hospital, moving about half a foot and a time, because I was in so much pain. Being a first time mom, I had not idea this was not just part of normal birthing pain. At one of my daughter’s newborn checkups about 2 weeks later, the nurse at my physician’s office noticed that I was sitting sideways (on my hips instead of my bum) on the chair in the waiting room, and asked if I would like the doctor to check me out. I happily accepted and a few hemorrhoids were discovered. Over the next 9 months, I tried prescription strength hemorrhoid creams, suppositories, steroid creams, and finally internal ice therapy (which actually worked pretty well!). About 11 months after my daughter’s birth, I got in to see a specialist at a world-renowned clinic, who pretty much told me I didn’t have hemorrhoids, but I had anusitis (irritation and inflammation of the anus) from using all the creams. I cleared that up, and when 3 months later I still wasn’t feeling any better, I returned to the clinic for another investigative exam. This time, the doctor told me I had an anal fissure starting on the inside and coming out and up towards my tail bone. He gave me a prescription for nitroglycerin cream as he simultaneously backed out of the room (great bed-side manner, let me tell you…). I used this cream to no avail, and returned to my physician to get a referral to a different doctor. A few months later, I saw the new doctor who gave me a sigmoidoscopy, confirmed the presence of a mass of internal hemorrhoids and the anal fissure, and told me there was nothing he could do for me. I told him I needed to get this under control because I wanted to have another child but couldn’t while in so much pain, to which he replied “Well, if you want to have another child that’s your prerogative and you’ll just have to deal with it”. I left his office in tears.

Time went on and I was in an enormous amount of pain. Every few weeks I was confined to the couch, not able to walk, bend down, sit, pick up or play with my daughter, and certainly not have sex with my husband. Frustrated with doctors not listening to what I was telling them, the next time I had a flare up I bit the bullet and got the camera out. I took pictures of the marble-sized black and blue mass on my anus (sorry, but it’s true!) and called the first clinic I attended to make an appointment, but requested a different doctor. The doctor looked at my pictures and confirmed that the intense pain I had been having since my daughter was born was from a peri-anal hematoma. An appointment was made for the next week, and 20 months after the birth of my daughter, I had it lasered off (I was terrified, but the surgery was less painful than the flare-up!). I thought this was the end of all my problems, but about 6 weeks later, the pain was back. This pain was different, so again, I made an appointment at the clinic where I had the hematoma lasered off, and again got nitroglycerin cream for the fissure which wasn’t successful. To compound this problem, I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) when I was 14, and the alternation between diarrhea and constipation does nothing for my fissure or hemorrhoids. It has been 16 months since I had the hematoma removed, and I am 100% better than I was, but still suffer with pain almost every day. Depending on how my IBS is doing, the pain alternates as being from either my fissure or the hemorrhoids, and I haven’t been successful in healing either. I am sure I don’t have to go into how much this destroys my quality of life. My husband has been so supportive and patient and tolerant through this whole ordeal, but I can tell that he is getting tired of it, as am I. I want to be able to take advantage of naptime and jump his bones, without turning him down because my bum hurts or going through with it and suffering with the pain for the next 3-4 days. I hide my true feelings by saying I don’t want another child, when in reality I would love one but am so scared that because of what it will do to my already injured body I won’t be able to go through with a pregnancy and subsequent birth. It is the only thing in my life that truly brings me to tears every time I think about it. Is this my reality? Is this the rest of my life? Pain every day, always worried about if the foods I eat or the next bowel movement will cause enough pain to keep me from doing the things I really want to do, especially being a mom of two? That thought is like a punch in the stomach.

Has anyone ever had problems with a hematoma, hemorrhoids, or fissure after childbirth? What did you do about them? How long did it take to heal? Any natural remedies that were helpful? Anyone have surgeries to fix these problems? And what I’m most scared to ask, has anyone had these problems and then had another pregnancy? Did it make the problem worse? I am at a loss, and I really don’t know what else to do. I am a strong person by nature, but this is about as much as I can handle. I appreciate anyone who can help shed some light.

As mentioned, here are a few pictures of me almost 3 years after my daughter was born. And I must say, even though I have been through so much pain, my daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I wouldn’t trade her for the world….although it would be nice to have a bum that doesn’t hurt!

Wedding Night Baby (Achtung)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 2 Comments

Your Age: 24
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy 1 birth
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 months now, 2 months in the photos

My son was a surprise pregnancy. He was even more of a surprise as he was apparently conceived on our wedding night. After making it through my most of first year of teaching, I gave birth to my son as soon as Spring Break started. I went into labor spontaneously at 36 weeks 5 days. After 23 hours 55 minutes of labor, my son was born at 36 weeks 6 days. He weighed 6lbs13oz and has been exclusively breastfed. He’s almost five months old now (and ten pounds heavier than when he was born!), but the picture I have are from two months postpartum. I’ve dealt with postpartum hypothyroidism and have had a heck of a time attempting to lose weight. The first two photos are from three days before giving birth. The second two pictures are two months postpartum and with ten of the 35 pounds I gained during pregnancy lost. I still have a ways to go, but I’m getting there! I’m finally feeling comfortable with the way I look.

Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 15 Comments

Hi, I’ve posted 2 or 3 times before here, my last post being in March. It’s now August and my baby will be 1 year old in just a few weeks! Here’s a link to my previous submissions:

New Mommy Worried
Six Weeks Postpartum
Making Progress
More Progress!

I’ve been through a lot since my last post, my husband and I separated (we’re back together and working things out now!) and I stopped working out or doing much of anything for about 3 months while I was staying with my parents. We’ve been back together for about 2 months now and we’ve recently started a new workout program together. We’re doing P90X and it’s fantastic! We’re only on day 6 and already there is such a dramatic difference in my body! Caden was my first baby, I became pregnant aat 19 and gave birth to him at 20. It’s taken quite a while for my body to “bounce back” so I guess that myth of younger bodies bouncing back faster is wrong! The photos I’ve attached are from 8/19/08. In the comparison photo the one on the left is from December 2008 at 10 1/2 weeks PP. Today makes exactly 11 months PP! I hope my story and progress can inspire many others! I’ve also included a picture of my son. =]

First Time Mom && Emergency C-Section (Heather)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 5 Comments

I’m Heather. I’m 20 years old & found out I was pregnant when I was 17 years old. I had my child at 18 & he will be turning three in February. I was in premature labor labor (3 weeks early)for 2 days && ended up having a c-section. Before I got pregnant, I was 5’3 &140 lbs ,very athletic ( a size 9). During pregnancy , I gained 26 lbs (I weight 166 lbs & was a size 15 at birth) I had a 7 lb 21′ long son. After pregnancy , I am a size 11 & weigh 155 lbs. 34 D . I do work out a lot & I am slowly getting my body back! I am not quiet use to the stretch marks & extra skin, but it’s getting better!

Destination : Self Acceptance (Tee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Legs, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 21 Comments

Age: 26
2 pregnancies
2 children ages 10 and 18 months

I’ve posted here before under “Almost a year later“. Its now a little over a year and a half since the birth of my youngest. And I gotta say I am still striving to love the body that has become me. Despite my best efforts my weight is still stuck around 160 (i’m 5’6) so according to BMI I am overweight. My breast are pancakey and a lil asymmetric and my nippies are stretched out from breast feeding both boys. My body is plagued with stretch marks – head to toe. But I am a mother strong and loving who would not change a thing at the expense of my boys. Happily married to a man who loves. What more can I ask for, right? Maybe one day I will be content with my body but until then I will keeping waiting to reach my destination….Self Acceptance – are we there yet?

3 Weeks Postpartum (Anna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 30 Comments

Age: 24
Number of pregnancies/ births: 1
Age of child/postpartum: 3 weeks

My whole life I never really wanted children, I was always much more concerned with myself; somehow I picked up my mothers school of thought and am unable to leaving the house without my ‘face’ on or dressed properly. So to say the least I was and still am a little bit on the vain side. I loved my body and the summers when I would get to show it off in a cute little bikini at the river. But I changed my mind about children and now sadly also about my body.

Pregnancy was pretty easy on me, or so I thought! I gained 30 pounds and up until the day I gave birth I ~thought~ I only had a 5 small stretch marks (yes, I counted!). Boy was I wrong!! How come no one ever talks about how some stretch marks are invisible until after birth?! My husband had gone home to let our dogs out and I was alone in my recovery room, which is where I got the first look at my postpartum body. I couldn’t believe the person I was looking at in the mirror was me. I don’t think I have ever cried so much over how I look. I couldn’t shake the idea that my body was ruined. I have so many stretch marks, my entire stomach is covered in them, and since they are not red it just makes my tummy look like a gelatinous bowl of cottage cheese that rolls over the top of my pants. And upon taking up my usual shaving routine at home I noticed that I also have stretch marks under my pubic hair! And then a few days later while looking in the mirror I saw something I have never seen mentioned on this website, I have stretch marks going into my butt crack, how is that even possible!! Not to mention extremely embarrassing, so if you’re reading this and you have them, you are not alone! I also have them on my boobs, which doesn’t bother me actually since I never liked showing them off anyhow.

So now it is three weeks since my little princess was born and I still can not shake my feelings of ugliness, I feel like I will never be confident or feel sexy again. The worst part is that I actually feel like I am letting my husband down by looking so terrible, he is so sweet and tells me that he thinks my new body is sexy, but I can not help but think he is just lying to me. And the thought of taking my shirt off in front of him makes me cringe. I used to walk around our house naked half the time, but now I don’t even want to sleep next to him without a shirt covering my stomach. And all of these feelings of being unconfident and sorry for myself make me feel guilty, because it seems like such an unimportant thing to worry about, but I just can not help it.

There are three upsides to my experiences though.

One – I had purchased a ‘belly bandit’ band to wear postpartum, and though full of stretch marks, my stomach has gone down extremely fast. One more inch and I’ll be able to button my pre-pregnancy jeans! Woo hoo!

Two – this website, which has made me feel so much better about myself. I can not thank you all enough for the support you unknowingly have shown me.

And of course the biggest upside is my beautiful daughter. She is completely worth all the issues I am having with my own body; I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Pictures: 1 of 3 days postpartum, 2 of 3 weeks postpartum and 1 just before I got pregnant.

This is me – sagging boobs and all (Astrid)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 20 Comments

Hi everyone,

First of all I just want to say thank you to all the women that have posted on this page, I have learned a lot from reading your stories and looking at your pictures. I think this webpage is so important.

My story goes like this: I became pregnant for the first time when I was 21. It wasn’t planned. I tried to make it work with the father, but it was just a horrible relationship, I was abused physically (not to mention emotionally), so when my son was about one year old I finally pulled my self together and left him for good. Up until then I hadn’t really thought too much about how my body had changed from being pregnant and breastfeeding; I just had too many problems to even care. I mean; not that it was too much to worry about, really. I pretty much bounced back. But at this moment I had to kinda reshape my life; I had to make a new start, figuring out who I wanted to bee. Needless to say my self-esteem was low at this point in my life. As I said before; I had pretty much bounced back, my stomach was flat and with no stretch marks. I had gotten some stretch marks on my butt and hips, but they never really bothered me at all. My BREASTS is another story though. They were just filled with stretch marks. Up until I stopped breastfeeding (about a year after- around the same time that I left the father) it wasn’t too bad because they were full. But then I stopped breastfeeding and all of a sudden I had these boobs that looked like they belonged to an 80-year old lady! I got so self-conscious about them. I hated how they just hang there, a couple of loose and floppy skin-bags. I hated the fact that I could never go anywhere without tucking them into a bra first to somewhat have them under control. And the problem with finding bikini-tops that they wouldn’t fall right out of whenever I bended over! This was really a huge issue for me for a long time. And being a single mom, I kept thinking that no man would ever think I looked good with my clothes off.

Luckily though, I found a man who did. Or he found me, I don’t know. At 25, I became pregnant with my second child; also a boy, who is now 9 months old. From my second pregnancy I got two tiny stretch marks on my stomach and my belly-button looks weird now, I think. But it is no big deal. My breasts became big and full during the pregnancy, not to mention three days pp, when I was almost afraid they were going to explode. I enjoyed having full breasts for a while there, but now they are back to the floppy skin-bags they were before. I try to laugh about it and most of the time it is ok. I am proud that my body has grown and breastfed two beautiful healthy boys.

Posting these pictures of my breasts is a huge step for me, because I have been so embarrassed about them for a long time. I see the fact that I am able to do this now as a sign that I am making progress in the process to love my body as it is now- breasts included.

In the pictures I am pregnant with number 2 at 41 weeks and nine months pp after number 2

Coming to grips with a cesarean (Colleen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 39 Comments

I found this website before I ever even got pregnant, and I have checked back on an almost daily basis ever since, to read new posts. I think the concept is fantastic, and have been waiting for months until I could do my own post. Now, at three weeks postpartum, I think I’ve waited long enough!

My pregnancy was planned, long-awaited, and relatively simple. I had horrible nausea that set in at 4 ½ weeks, but I never actually threw up. Aside from two bleeding scares (at 6 and 28 weeks), I had no complications up until the very end. I told my husband that I felt like I kind of missed the memo on being pregnant, because I didn’t experience the “normal” swelling, mood swings, elevated body temperature or extreme clumsiness that you always read about.

I have a long torso, so my belly never got really big. An early delivery and daily application of cocoa butter kept me from getting any stretch marks on my stomach, but I did get them all over my thighs, butt and lower back. For some reason that doesn’t bother me as much as the thought of having them on my stomach. They’re small, not very dark, and should fade well. I went from 142 pounds at my 8 week appointment to 176 the morning I delivered, and at 3 weeks postpartum I’m already down to 155—no complaints there. I have some flab on my belly (that I know I can get rid of once I’m allowed to exercise—I’m SO TIRED of being out of shape!), and I don’t know if my butt will ever fit into my old pants again, but again—that doesn’t really bother me. My pants didn’t fit all that well to begin with, so I’m okay with having to buy new ones. I went from a 32F pre-pregnancy to an unbelievable 34H with nursing, and I can already tell that my breasts will sag after I wean my daughter. My husband doesn’t seem to mind, he just enjoys the fact that they’re so big! I still have a great overall shape, and that’s what matters to me.

I was planning on a totally natural birth, partly because I’ve wanted to give birth ever since I was a little girl, and partly because I’m terrified of epidurals. At my 34 week appointment, my doctor discovered that my baby was breech. Two weeks later, an ultrasound not only confirmed the breech presentation, but showed that my amniotic fluid levels were “borderline”. Five “restful” days later, they had dropped to “low”, and I was put in the hospital so I could have IV fluids. Three days after that they hadn’t increased, and I had to have a C-section (epidural included) at 36 weeks and 6 days. I was devastated. I went from wanting the most natural birth possible to getting the most unnatural. Instead of being in the hospital for 2-3 days, I spent a whole week there, most of it very uncomfortably.

The first week or two postpartum were hard. I felt like I had failed. I somehow felt like less of a woman because I didn’t get to participate in the birth of my own child. I was not allowed to wait to go into labor because the fluid was too low, so I have a child and still have no idea what a contraction feels like. I feel like I got cheated out of an experience I’ve been waiting my whole life for. I wanted somebody or something to blame for the whole experience (most of my frustration got taken out on my job, which caused an inordinate amount of stress during the last few months. I don’t plan on returning to the same job). My biggest fear is that I won’t be able to have ANY of my children naturally now, just because the first one was a cesarean. And it seems like nobody really understands how I feel. Nobody can understand why I WANT to go through labor, and the response I always get is “well at least the baby is safe.” I don’t begrudge the fact that my daughter is here and healthy, but I can still lament the fact that she had to arrive in the way she did. I have yet to find anybody (other than my husband) that can appreciate that those are two different feelings. The reactions of others make me feel like I’m selfish for having wanted to be able to give birth on my own, like I was putting my own desires above the well-being of my child. I’ve come more to grips with the cesarean the more time has passed (I’ve stopped crying for hours at a time every time I think about it), but there’s still that lurking fear of a repeat, and the feeling that I missed out on something big.

The pictures are 9 weeks pregnant (the closest I have to pre-pregnancy), 36 weeks and two days pregnant (the last ones I took of my whole body before she was born), two weeks postpartum (I haven’t taken any new ones since then), and my beautiful little girl.

My age: 25 years old
Number of pregnancies and births: one
How far postpartum: 3 weeks

Updated here, here and here.