First Pregnancy

From Hot to Not – Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 30 Comments

Your Age: 21
Number of pregnancies and births: 1

Original entry here.

I posted a few months ago when I was 11 weeks PP. My son is now 7 months (32 weeks PP). I still look the same which is incredibly depressing, I did drop from 150 to 145 but I’m kind of stuck there. I can only exercise about 3 times a week because so I’m busy. I need to make it more of a priority to exercise but it’s just so difficult to find the time.

It’s so hard to see girls who are my age who have never had children and their body’s are amazing; no stretch marks, no cellulite, nothing. They have flawless smooth stomachs.. I used to to look that way and it’s just so hard to accept reality. I would be so happy with my body if I didn’t have stretch marks. They hold me back.. I think I would be so motivated to work out and exercise if they weren’t there but I know that they’re there and I’ll never show my stomach.. so what’s the point of slimming down?

I don’t feel attractive at all. I feel ugly. As a young and single mom, I feel like no guy (that I want) will ever want to be with me. I’m damaged goods now. I can’t look at my stretch marks and think of them as “badges of honor” or “battle scars” I look at them and see ugly marks that represent carelessness and laziness. I should have exercised and ate better while I was pregnant. But I didn’t and they remind me daily. I see tons of young mothers who have had babies and didn’t get a single mark and they’re 100% back to normal…walking around in bikinis totally care-free. I hate the way I look and I think it will be a constant uphill battle with the way I feel about myself.

These pictures don’t do my stretch marks justice.

C-Section (Sara)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 5 Comments

Hello, my name is Sara. I am currently two weeks PP as I was blessed with the best Christmas Gift ever in 2009: our first child (a daughter!). I was originally due January 20th, 2010 but ran into some complications with my pregnancy and was put on bedrest. I went in on Christmas Eve 2009 for a routine NST only to find out that I was in active labor and was sent over to the hospital for an emergency C-Section, as the baby was frank breech. Several hours later, she was born. A full 4 weeks early, she only had to spend one night in the NICU and was perfectly healthy short of being a tad underweight (5 lbs). 3 days in the hospital and we were able to go home.

Pre-pregnancy, I was about 160 lbs. A little bit overweight for my size frame, but not obese. (Naturally after I got married I gained all of my weight- I was always small my whole life). I’ve never really been overly happy with my body, but I was thrilled when I found out I was pregnant. I gained 18 lbs total with my pregnancy, and remained relatively “small”- at almost 9 months pregnant, I looked about 5 months. This is how it was discovered that I was having some complications with the pregnancy- low amniotic fluid put me in the hospital and on bedrest.

Looking at my body now, I appreciate everything that it went through. Feeling my incision site from the c-section reminds me of how amazing my body truly is. Am I happy with my couple of stretch marks? No. I’m not- but I’m going to hopefully get back in the best shape I have ever been. I didn’t get any stretch marks on my breasts, butt, or stomach, but I did get several on my hips. They are the first thing my eyes go to whenever I see myself naked. I am incredibly lucky to have a husband that apparently has horrible vision, as he still can’t seem to get enough of me, even when I was my largest with our daughter, and now with stretch marks and a scar. :) He doesn’t seem to see the same thing I do!

I am 23 years old, married for two years to my high school sweetheart, with three dogs, a brand new home my husband and I built, and now an amazing daughter. I couldn’t be more blessed!

Pictures included: Side view, c-section scar, front with breasts, our beautiful daughter Madalyn

Will I ever love this skin? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Butt, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions 17 Comments

I’m a 31 year old mother of one beautiful tween girl whose now 11. I really miss the baby days. :( I had her at 20 and I had gained 85 pounds. I have stretch marks in every conceivable place a woman can have them. I have them on my flanks, my buttocks, my hips, my belly, my breasts, my underarms, the back of my knees, my thighs (inner and outer), near my groin area, and I even have faint ones on the outside of my upper arms. It’s been a constant struggle over the years to live in this body and be happy with it.

I’ve bought into the idea that women aren’t supposed to get older and lose their shape and for years I’ve been my own worst enemy. And having a couple of jerks for boyfriends in the past didn’t help matters much either. I haven’t gotten over it yet and I’m not sure I ever will. Maybe when I’m really old, feeble and gray, it won’t matter anymore. Some days I hate myself, and others, I have incredible self-esteem. I no longer want to diet, or obsess about exercise, but at the same time, I don’t want to let myself go either. I want to find a happy medium if it exists. But I am blessed and thankful I have a wonderful husband of 9 years and a terrific daughter who thinks I’m beautiful no matter what.

Reading your stories and seeing your pictures really inspires me. Although it makes me cry, it has compelled me to show myself to you so that maybe I might find some peace in this inner silent but screaming turmoil. Maybe together we can feel strong and empowered and proud of who we are and by the long journeys we’ve traveled to arrive here. Thank you so much.

Healthy Eating and Workouts Kept Pregnancy Weight Gain to a Minimum (Holly)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 13 Comments

Age: 33
Weeks PP: 5
Number of Pregnancies: 2
Number of Children: 1
Current Weight: 132
Pre-Pregancy Weight: 126

I was very worried about how my body would look post partum. I worked out prior to pregnancy and continued to do so through my entire pregnancy, up to 2 weeks prior to delivery. I would have worked out all the way to my due date but I developed gestational hypertension and was placed on bed rest at 36 weeks. By continuing my workout and maintaining a healthy diet, I kept weight gain to a minimum. I gained 32 pounds and once fluid was lost, I was within 8 pounds of my prepregnancy weight by 2 1/2 weeks PP. Fortunately, I was blessed with no stretch marks! This may be part genetics and part lifestyle, whatever the reason, I am happy.

My body is definitely not the same as it was, my tummy is no longer flat and my hips are wider. I know that my hips will never be the same but I can work on the tummy. I really don’t know how long it takes for the extra skin to go away and the Linea Negra to disappear but I have faith that those will subside within a year. I restarted my workout regime 2 weeks PP, I am on a slower pace than before but I will be up to full speed soon! Overall, I feel quite accomplished at this stage of PP. I know that all my hard work and diligence paid off! I have had friends say that it isn’t fair that I look this good so soon, I remind them how hard I worked for this.

I wanted to share my pictures for any woman who is pregnant/trying to conceive and worried that there is no hope for their body once they deliver their baby. I am proof that maintaining a healthy lifestyle during pregnancy helps the body rebound. Proper exercise and diet has also given me extra energy to care for my little baby.

Daily Struggle (Katie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, PCOS, Postpartum, Submissions 23 Comments

~Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your child: 4 yrs

I have wanted to contribute here for a while but didn’t know if I could contain all my thoughts on my body image/pregnancy to a few paragraphs. Always needing to do things either perfectly or not at all I have avoided it, but I need to get these thoughts out for myself as well as others who can relate.

I have always had a poor relationship with my body and appearance. I was overweight as a child through the age of 13 when I lost around 50 lbs on my own. At thirteen seeing the difference between how you are treated at 170 lbs and 120 lbs is a difficult thing to handle. Although I lost weight I was still unhappy with my body because I had stretch marks and a little lower belly pooch. I never developed much in the way of boobs. I did not wear bikinis EVER.

Fast forward to college years and a history of eating disordered behavior and bad choices with guys. The beginning of my junior year I finally met a “nice” guy who respected me. We were together for about 8 months when I found out I was 5 months pregnant (I have PCOS and was told I would probably need help getting pregnant, not so!) I am so so so blessed that this happened with the most amazing guy and love of my life. We are still together, engaged and soon to be married!

My pregnancy was easy, although I did gain 50 lbs going from 120 to 170. I did not get to many new stretch marks except for on my boobs. Most of the “flaws” garnered from pregnancy were ones I had pre-pregnancy (stretch marks, tummy pooch, loose skin) My son Nolan was born on October 9, 2005. My labor and delivery only took about an hour and I know I am very lucky with that!

Now to get to my current state of self acceptance or self hatred rather: I am currently 4 years postpartum. I lost the weight within a few months and have stayed between 115-125 @ 5’4″ for the past 4 years. I know many people would consider me lucky and some may think I am crazy for not being happy with myself. With that said, I am at constant unrelenting odds with myself to accept and be happy with my appearance.

There are times that I am happy with how I look but it never lasts, I will see a bad picture or obsess over my small boobs and extra skin. I did workout a lot over this past year and will admit I probably look the best I ever have but the problem is that it is never good enough there is ALWAYS ALWAYS something that needs to be fixed. I did finally gain the courage this year to wear a bikini though.

Some people may look at my pictures and feel bad or possibly some jealousy (I only say this because I have had these feelings) My point is that I do not intend that AT ALL and if you knew the constant struggle and inner turmoil I have everyday you would not have an ounce of jealousy. I am extremely jealous of all the women who have found self acceptance and I would take extra stretch marks and softness if I could be at peace with myself.

I think all the women on this site are beautiful and fine the way they are but somehow I cannot convince myself of the same thing. My main point of this all is to say that it does not matter what you look like only that you are happy with yourself. In this society all women are made to feel like they are not good enough and nobody wins in this situation. Everyday I have this constant struggle with myself when I should be worrying about MUCH more important things. Appearance is trivial and yet somehow I cannot get past it.

The pictures I included are ones I took recently in an attempt to find confidence in myself. I am one to always avoid cameras and I do not have many pictures of myself. I know these pics are taken in a flattering light, that is my baby steps lol. Also included some pics of my beautiful boys who give me strength each day. I don’t know if I conveyed all the things I wanted to in this post but I made an attempt and that is a step in the right direction for me!

18 months postpartum (kimq33)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Piercing, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 3 Comments

It took me a long time to accept that my body isn’t going to look the way it did when I got pregnant. I was 18, and 110 lbs at the time, and my stomach was flat. When I was pregnant, I loved my body. I thought it was adorable. I only got a few stretch marks on my thighs, and none on my belly. I used Palmer’s Tummy Butter everyday, usually twice a day.

After my son was born, I hated my body. I gained 50 lbs while I was pregnant, and have lost 40 so far. This was without much excercise, and no dieting. It just took a lot longer than I expected. For about 8 or 9 months, I didn’t like looking in the mirror. Now I feel like I look good again. My body may not look like it used to, but it is still great. It carried my beautiful son for 9 months, what more could I ask for?

Learning to accept my new body and hopefully one day love! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 6 Comments

– 22 years old
– 1st pregnancy
– 4 weeks postpartum

Firstly I would like to say that I think this website is absolutely fantastic! During and following my pregnancy, this site has made me realise that I’m not the only person struggling to come to terms with my new body and anyone who posts pictures of themselves and parts of their bodies that they’re unhappy with (and happy for that matter) are so brave! So to all you mothers who are also struggling, I want to say thanks for making me realise I am not alone!

I gave birth to my beautiful little boy on the 3rd December this year! I am 4 weeks post-partum to this day! Before I was pregnant I weighed just under 11 stone, I was a curvy and volumptuous size UK 12/14. I’ve never really had any major issues with the way I looked, I’d have my ‘fat’ days, but generally I was happy. Throughout my pregnancy I put on a total of about 28 pounds and it generally was all on my belly, so as far as I’m concerned I did quite well. Towards the end I was huge, I also went over by 13 days, so I don’t think this helped either!

Then on the 3rd December 2009 I gave birth to Noah, who in my eyes is the most perfect and beautiful little boy ever! He weighed a very healthy 9 pounds, which explains why I was so huge towards the end!!!

I’m now 4 weeks post partum and I am only 7 pounds heavier than what I was before I had him, so I haven’t got an awful lot to lose, however, it’s not the weight that I’m unhappy about, but the amount of stretchmarks and the way that my body has altered! I didn’t really have many stretchmarks whilst I was pregnant, but then from about week 35 they just came everywhere! There’s now not a part of me that hasn’t got a stretchmark! I’ve got them on my thighs, behind my knees, all over my belly, my bum and my boobs! People keep telling me they’ll fade, but this doesn’t make me feel any better! I want to cry just thinking about the way I look, I actually disgust myself! I hate the way my once perk boobs are no longer and feel almost empty and drooping, my thighs and bum are now so out of shape it’s unreal, I’ve got like a pouch on my belly and my sides are now fatty, which hides what once was my womanly curves! I’m ashamed to even show my body to my partner, who constantly reassures me that he’s not bothered and that I still look beautiful, but I don’t and can’t believe him for one second! If it wasn’t for my partner being at the hospital whilst a midwife checked my stomach, he still wouldn’t have seen it to this day!

I feel so awful and ashamed of myself for feeling so resentful towards my body, because if it wasn’t for my body and the changes it went through, I wouldn’t have my little boy. But I can’t help but hate the way I look! People keep telling me the stretch marks will fade and nothing that a bit of spinning can’t sort out, but I don’t believe them!

I just wish now when I had my body before – which has now long gone – I had appreciated and loved it more, as to be honest it was pretty good, even if I say so myself!!! But for now I’m learning to accept myself and hopefully once I can accept myself, I can then learn to love myself once more!

I’ve attached a picture of firstly my little boy, before I was pregnant and me at about 34 weeks pregnant! I haven’t attached any of me post-partum as it would mean having to get my partner to take them and I’m not yet ready for him to see me! But hopefully in time I will have the courage to post pictures of my post-partum body!

Updated here and here.

My right to choose (Lucia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 12 Comments

age 19
1st pregnancy, 15 weeks along

I´m pro-choice, I´ve always been, I think a woman has the right to decide when on whether to become a mother, I think a woman should have some saying over what goes on in her body and her life and that should start with having access to sexual education. My mother is pro-life.

I told her about my pregnancy over the phone, since we are so far apart, I started out by telling her how happy I was, and how my plans went, so she wouldn’t be worried, how my boyfriend feels about it, how loving and supportive he is, that we had plans to get married and have kids in the future and the baby just got ahead our plans, that I´m going to stay in college.

A couple of days later she called me and said something that upset me very much, she sugar coated it as much as she could, telling me that I was too young and that if I “decided not to have it” it would be a good idea too, that when I´m older I can have as many children as I want. In spite of the sugar coat all I heard was “You should murder your baby, your flesh and blood, because it gets in the way of my plans for you, you should kill him because it’s so insignificant, it’s so meaningless it can be replaced later on…”

I cried so hard when we had that conversation that everyone in my house noticed, my grandma came in to comfort me and I told her, I wanted to tell her just like I had told my mom, telling her how happy I was and that everything was going to be fine, but I didn’t get that chance, because I was in tears and her response was telling me that my mother was right. I was physically sick for days after that.

I´ve always thought it’s not right when girls are forced to have babies they do not want because of how the law goes in my country and how many women get injured and even killed getting an illegal abortion under poor conditions because they didn’t have access to anything better, a better education, better ways to take care of themselves, a better life. But I think we hardly consider those teenage girls that are forced to get an abortion or to give up their children because they are underage and it doesn’t matter if they love their babies, and if they are willing to work hard for them, whoever is in charged won´t give them the chance. I´m pro-choice, and I choose to have my baby, I haven’t considered anything else.

pics: 9 weeks, 14 weeks

Updated here.

Worth it – Update (Regina)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 7 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

I have posted here several times now. This website keeps me going. Reminds me that there is nothing wrong with my body. There is something wrong with other’s expectations of me.

I am beautiful. I am strong. I am 21 and I have carried 2 babies 8 days overdue each. I have breastfed. i have fought the internal war when I had to give that up. I can balance a toddler on one hip with a baby in a sling and still go grocery shopping. I am a mother. I am an amazing mother. I don’t do everything right. Most of the time I don’t think I do anything right. But I am.And I do. I have birthed with pain meds. I have birthed naturally.

I will never have the body I had before I had my children. I DON’T WANT IT! It was beautiful, YES. It was flawless and unmarked. It was unappreciated and hated. And weak. Let it die now. I didn’t have a body I wanted. So I was given a new one by motherhood. It is not disgusting or flawed. It is new and full of life. It is strong. It can handle pain and heartache. It can handle a kick to the gut by a 3 year old and it can handle infection upon infection caused by improper breastfeeding.

My new body is bigger. It has more fat and skin. It has bigger breasts and a bigger butt. Thighs that refuse to tone. And stretch marks.

Let me tell you something about stretch marks. There is nothing about my body I love more. I can not explain it. These scars that cause women so much heartache are the greatest joy of my body. They are beautiful. They were given to me when my daughter’s grew within me. Each time adding more than I even thought possible. Like laugh lines that mark happiness and sun “damage” that shows a youth spent at the beach, my stretch marks show that I too have carried and birthed babies. No one has to like them or notice or appreciate them like i do. I never want them to go away.

My story:
I became pregnant with my first daughter when I was 16 years old. I am 5’6″ and I weighed 158 pounds and wore a size 11 in juniors. By 32 weeks, the week I was married to the father, I had gained 15 pounds. By the time I delivered 8 days overdue on January 9, 2006 I had gained 47 pounds, topping out at 205. I lost 20 in delivery. Leaving me at 185 pounds. And then lost NOTHING. During the 2nd year of my daughter’s life I worked my day down to 173 pounds. But then it worked it’s way back up again and when I found out I was pregnant with my second child on January 24, 2008 when I was 19 years old, I weighed 186 pounds and wore a size 15-17 in Juniors. Through out the pregnancy I gained 18 pounds and birthed my daughter 100% natural 8 days overdue on October 5, 2008. I lost the entire 18 pounds in delivery. When my second daughter was 7 months old I left my husband. Suddenly I had so much free time. There were whole days when I didn’t have the girls. I also only had my self and my children to pick up after. So I started to take care of myself again. I started working out every day, sadly I reverted back to my highschool ways and ate only 300 calories a day. But in only a few months I was down to 158 pounds. My PRE-MOTHERHOOD weight!!! I met another man and we started dating. He is a personal trainer and was not very happy about my eating habits or lack there of. So I started eating again. I have gained pretty much all the weight back. I weight 180 pounds right now. But I wear a size 13 in juniors and my body is not too bad looking. I know that I just don’t have the will power to bring my weight down the healthy way. Which is the only way to keep it down. So I might as well make the best with what I do have. So my goal is to have a sexy, voluptuous, curvy body. Instead of shooting for skinny. Which seems so unattainable to me, i just want the body I have to look the best it can.

*Picture 1: 9 months pregnant with #1
*Picture 2: 24 months post partum from #1
*Picture 3: 9 months pregnant with #2
*picture 4: 10 months post partum #2 158 pounds
*picture 5: 14 months post partum #2 180 pounds
*picture 6 & 7: The most beautiful gift ever received

~Age: 21 years old
~Number of pregnancies and births: 4 pregnancies, 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 years and 14 months

Belly still swollen 4 and a half months postpartum (Jill)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 25 Comments

Age 34

Hi. My name is Jill and I am so glad I found this website. I gave birth July 24th to a 9 lb. 22 inch healthy baby boy via c-section. It was so hard that I am totally afraid to have another. I probably wont because of my age and because Im terrified to go through it again. Don’t get me wrong, I love my child and would never give him up… infact, I am slowly forgetting the pain. I am and has always been an exercise freak. I exercise about 5 times a week both cardio and weightlifting. As you can see in my pics though, my belly looks just the same as it did when I was about 5 months Prego. I did learn through this site about the problem that occurs when your stomach muscles separate and your belly pushes through. I really think I have this because I have lost all but 4 pounds of my weight but my belly is still like this… Yuck I hate it and am so self conscious over my body. I used to surf a lot and wear bathing suits at the beach but since then, I use a romper over my suit and never go in the water if there are more than 2 people at the beach, which includes myself and my baby! Has anyone gone through what I am and slowly lost their stomach? Will mine ever go flat? I have very minimal stretch marks considering how large my belly got. Please someone help…. I consider myself depressed…..