Breasts

The Perfect Food, Not Quite the Perfect Packaging (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Breastfeeding, Breasts, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 11 Comments

Age: 30
# of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 2 births
Ages of children: 3 and 9 months

When my first daughter was born she showed a clear preference for my right breast to nurse from. When she began biting ‘lefty’ terribly to the point of bleeding I decided to nurse her exclusively from my right breast. I did consult with Dr. Newman first and he recommended it. So began her near 3 year career of nursing from one breast, til the day she weaned on New Years Eve 2010 of her own accord. She nursed through my entire second pregnancy and well after my second daughter was born. After my next little lady was born, the same thing happened. A clear preference for my right breast and a severe distaste for poor ‘lefty’. I decided to pull my left breast off the menu and now my second darling daughter only nurses from the one side.

Because of this I am very lopsided. “Righty” is a D cup, full, covered in stretch marks, veiny with a lovely pink nipple, always ready to fill a tiny tummy with milky goodness. “Lefty” is a small B cup, soft, even toned skin and near empty. It sure tries to keep up with the non-demand for milk though.

I do rely on the thoughts that someday they will soon resemble each other again. Also, I’m proud that even though I’ve had strange difficulties with my picky babies and their preferences, I’ve still been able to nurse them well and as long as they’d like. I’m not ready to allow them to go back to being a source of womanly sexiness between my husband and I, but that will come someday and like a good man he respects that entirely.

We’re all done having babies, so I know I’ll look rockin’ in a bathing suit again within the next few years. Fingers crossed!

5 Weeks PP, Almost There – Update (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Complications During or After Birth, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, NICU, Postpartum, Preemie, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 4 Comments

Previous entry here.

Ahhh where can I begin? Its been 16 weeks since I welcomed my beautiful baby boy into the world. I feel very happy about the place I’m at. So far since my last update I lost more weight and I’m back into my pre pregnancy jeans once again. My tummy is completely flat and I’m starting to get my abs defination back. My breast went down so I’m back to pre pregnancy. I still feel empty at times like I failed my baby. In the first update I forgot to mention that my son was born at 28 weeks weighing two pounds two ounces. I was hurt and very embrassed. I feel sad and angry that women who are heavy pregnant complain about the marks and the weight. I would have been happy to have a mommy tummy atleast I would have known that I wouldn’t have failed my baby. I pray everyday and ask god to show mercy on my son and he has. I never realize how stupid and selfish I was by not enjoying every minute that my son was inside of me. I didn’t have a tradition babyshower with a big belly I didn’t have a happy birth where I left the hospital with my son in my hands I had to see my baby have blood transfusions and Iv lines all through his arms and feet. I had to wait six weeks just to hold my son for the first time. I had to get a phone call from my sons doctor saying that my son has stop breathing and they had to bag him. Its so many things that I didn’t do or get to do that I’m most hurt about. I didn’t get a chance to even see my son when he was born or even get to touch him. Im still very emotional about the whole ordeal and I’m in tears as I write this. I had to wait three months just to finally bring my baby home a week before his due date. Premature babies go through so much but my son is healthy and happy. He has no brain bleeds IVH which is so s common with babies born his age he’s not on any medications or on any breathing machines which is very common with babies born at his age. I proud to see he’s such a greedy fat baby and love his milk he poops a lot and is perfect in everyway. So far he has no lasting effects of being born prematurely which I’m so very thankful for. The doctors don’t know why I had PROM (pre mature rapture of the membranes) but with my next child I will be seen by a high risk doctor and I’m very hopeful that I won’t have another preemie. My sons birth gave me a complete understanding of what love is and how to have compassion for other people. This ordeal brought me and my sons father even more closer as a family and we now live together and talking about marriage. He tells me I’m sexy and cause me his little sexy girl :) Life couldn’t be any better I’m working and going to school to become a nurse. I want to show another family the same compassion that my sons nurses should us. I want to work in the NICU with preemies. I’m learning to love my body at times I hate it and get so angry when people say oh u don’t even look like u had a baby. What I would give. This update is for all of the moms who hate there post baby bodies be so thankful that your body grew your babies and protected them because mines didn’t. Sometimes I wish I would be on the other end of the stick and complain about my post baby body. I didn’t get to breastfeed only pump but after six weeks my milked dried up so now my son is formula fed I’m hurting with another thing my body failed. I will have another baby and I will enjoy every moment of pregnancy. My pregnancy body was so beautiful I was nice and ripe sometimes I still touch my belly wishing I still could be pregnant. I included my pictures. The first picture is of my belly a week before I had my son. The next picture is of how my breast look now and the third picture is of my tummy now and the fourth picture is me now and the last picture is of my beautiful baby boy :) who I love so very much. When I get down I just think of all of the mommies who will never leave the hospital with their babies and i feel grateful that I have a healthy and happy beautiful baby who I kiss all day everyday.

5 yrs Fibro and Autism (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Mothers with Health Complications, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Submissions 13 Comments

age: 27
number of pregnancies/births : 1/1
age of child: 5.5

I am a plus size mom and wanted to represent more of us bigger moms since it is a little lacking. I am 324lbs at 5yrs postpartum. I am comfortable with my body, I deal with the constant pain of fibromyalgia every day and homeschool my 5yr old who has autism.

I was 250lb at 6weeks pp, but once my fibromyalgia started and I needed to start taking anti-depressants I started to pack on the weight. I probably rely on the therapeutic properties of chocolate too much some days, but its better than getting drunk. I have stretch marks everywhere, cellulite, rolls and scars from my gall bladder surgery, but my husband still finds me as sexy as the day I married him. I view my body as a map of my travels as a mother so far, one day I will lose some weight but these marks will always be with me and I am proud of them because inside my stomach I nurtured my child for 9mths. My breasts may sag but they breastfed my child for 2.5yrs.

I am woman, hear me roar!

Progress, Not Perfection (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Surgical Scar (Non-Cesarean) 17 Comments

First of all, I would just like to say that I love this website, and I have visited it nearly everyday since I found it. It is truly amazing the giant gap between the body images we are fed in the media and the REALITY of what healthy women really look like. But of course, being aware of the problem and overcoming the problem are two very different things, and the latter takes an immense amount of work to accomplish. I think I am getting there, but I know I have a long way to go. Some days are better than others. So, here is my story…

I became pregnant with my first child three months shy of my 20th birthday. I was in a horrible relationship, but didn’t realize it yet. My pregnancy was complicated by preeclampsia, due to stress, and depression. The father of the baby, whom I was living with, was (is still) an alcoholic and drug addict. I didn’t know about the drugs then, but I did know that he rarely came home at night. I stayed up worrying many nights. When he did come back, he would often threaten to leave me, occasionally packing all of his stuff in the car. He screamed a lot, and called me names. I was in a constant state of anxiety, and I felt like I was going crazy. He didn’t want to touch me all through the pregnancy. One night, he brought home this girl- a mutual “friend” of ours- and had sex with her in our bed while I was home.

My daughter was born in March. Her father was there, physically, but not mentally or emotionally. I spent the first month after my baby was born with a family member, and then we moved back to where her father was from. The abuse got worse, and turned physical. I honestly can’t remember him holding his daughter at all. Ever. I mean, I’m sure it happened a few times, but for the most part I was a single mom (with financial support). I breastfed my daughter for over a year. After a few months though, she only wanted to nurse on one side. I know it is pretty common for something like that to happen, but in my situation, it was unbearable. I was teased by her father and even his mother for my “lopsidedness”. I won’t drag you all through the next two years, but eventually I got sick of it all and got smart. Just after my daughter’s second birthday, I moved back home, got a job and moved on with my life.

Fast forward four years. I’m happily married and have a son now too. Sometimes I sit back and wonder how I got from 2007 to today. Luck? It seems so very far away, and yet it really wasn’t all that long ago. I still suffer from depression and now I have post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and get panic attacks. I birthed my son at a birth center without any pain medication. He was a robust nine pounds even. I felt fantastic (okay, maybe not fantastic)- but pretty damn good after the delivery. It was so much better than having an epidural, even though my labor was hard. My husband is a freaking angel. He is the most supportive, loving, amazing person I have ever met. He has put up with my “crazies” for the last three years like a champ.

Last year I had a breast augmentation to try to fix my uneven breasts. I am really happy with the result- although I do have days that I wish I could have been happy the way I was. I think my doctor did an amazing job, and I think they look and feel very natural. My husband was perfectly happy with me before, but he was very supportive of my decision too.

I had lost a lot of the weight I gained with my son, but I’ve recently gained some of it back. I’m not sure if it my diet, or the fact that I stopped hormonal birth control. We aren’t trying for another baby, and use condoms, but I just wanted to see what my cycle (and emotional state) would be like off of birth control. I had been on some form or another for almost ten years. I’m really unhappy about my weight right now. I was (a tiny) 120 before my daughter’s birth, gained 65 pounds during that pregnancy, and got down to 130 pounds about two years postpartum. The second time around, I think I gained about 40 pounds, got down to 135 and now I’m about 141 or so. I can’t fit into any of my old pants- even the things I was wearing 1 year postpartum, and it is really frustrating. I’m doing an ab class three times a week, but not much else. My diet is pretty sucky right now too. I am thinking about going vegetarian again- that’s what I did last year to get down to 135. I have an old scar on my belly- it’s not from a cesarean, but very similar to one like that- so I have that kind of skin/fat overhang thing there too, which I hate!

There is a lot more to my story of course… I’m just working on being able to talk about and share it all. Thank you for reading this. If there is one thing I’d wish for, it would be for everyone to be a little bit kinder to themselves and each other. Everyone has a story- some of them are like mine. Some stories are worse, and some are better. But everyone carries something around with them.

The first five photos are of me today, and the last one is when I was about 34 weeks pregnant with #2.

Age: 25
Number of pregnancies and births: 4 pregnancies, 2 births
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 6 & 2, 2 years postpartum

Not Myself Anymore (Morgan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 10 Comments

Age:18
No. Of Pregnancies and Births: 1
8 Months PP

No one realises how hard it is to be a mom. I’ve had so many friends say to me, “I want a baby so bad, you must be so happy!” But it’s not like that. I got pregnant to my ex after one week of being together. Even worse, we had only known each other for two weeks. I know it sounds bad, but I was in a bad stage and where I live, this is considered ‘normal’. Anyway, I got pregnant at 17 years old. When we found out, everyone was so happy. Mum, dad and especially the father. We thought we had our perfect family. I dropped out of my last year at school and moved to live 30 minutes away with my then boyfriend. We were only together three months when the problems started.

First of all, let me say that the dad isn’t a bad guy at all. Just young and confused. He struggled with losing his friends and social life more than I did. He started taking it out on me. He was never physical, but the emotional bruises stood out. My closest friend noticed how down I was but my family didn’t. He texted my friends flirting and compulsively lied to me. I felt wortless and out of control with sadness. I felt like there was no way out and I cried in the bathroom at nights. My iron levels dropped astronomically and I couldn’t do anything remotely difficult. I couldn’t sleep at night, was sensitive to light, got urine infections constantly and could barely move during the day. I was physically and emotionally drained and my ex and I became vile to each other. We screamed at each other and broke down constantly. He was overworked and I was shattered from all the problems. Most nights we only cuddled to feel comfort but neither of us were happy. It had to end.

I went in to labour with my son on his due date of 30th of May, 2010. He was born naturally…an amazing birth, 7lb 10oz on 1st June 2010. My 18th birthday was the 16th June. My ex and I had the most amazing, peacefully beautiful first two weeks with our son, but after that…back to normal. When he was one month old, I left his dad and moved back to my home town. I set up a new life for myself, even though deep down I wanted back my family with Bubba and his dad. It’s been 7 months since I left and 4 months ago I started going out with someone I knew from school. I was so happy. He made me comfortable to be myself. He says he doesn’t care what I look like. But it was when I looked around me at all the people I used to be best friends with that I saw how much I changed. One of my old friends told me I was fat and disgusting.

Before my son, I weighed 45kg (99pounds) and was a size 7 (NZ sizes) in shoes and 5ft 3. Now I am still 5ft 3. But I gained 25 kg (55pounds) and went up a shoe size and I hate myself. I also discovered I have depression. It made sense, since I can’t sleep at nights and NOTHING makes me happy. I feel as if the experience I had with my ex and being isolated caused this as I have not been happy since before my pregnancy. Also I feel like i’ve lost myself in a adult world before I was ready to be one. I realise now that most people dont learn they aren’t ready unless they are forced into parenthood.

The night my friend said that, I looked in the mirror and realised I even thought I was ugly. I had been hiding from myself but now it all came to light. The fat thighs, flabby stomach, fat arms and stretch marks were bad enough, but they could be hidden. It was my face I cried about most. It had completely changed and was fat and scarred. I feel as if I am disgusting, I look in the mirror and don’t even see myself anymore. Every part of me has changed, everything. I want to love who I am, but I cant. I feel like i’m dreaming that i’m someone else but it’s more like a never-ending nightmare. I want to change but I can barely afford to live so I cant afford gyms or 3 decent meals a day or anything like that. But I’m trying to cope. Slowly working things out.

The only good thing I have truly and forever is my beautiful boy, who amazes me everyday with how much he learns. He clapped today for the first time. Soon he will crawl. Watching him grow makes me so much happier. He is my only light and I would’ve given in to my sadness if not for him.

Thank You

Has it been 4 years already? (Amanda)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 7 Comments

Age: 21
Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 1 miscarriage, 1 birth
Child’s Age: 4 years

I can’t believe it’s been 4 years already. My body has done some amazing things! When I got pregnant, I was only 17. Like most 17 year olds, I had a nice cute little perfect body. (Of course I didn’t think so at the time…). I weighed around 140, and got up to about 180 during my pregnancy.

Afterwards, I developed severe post-partum depression. I didn’t eat, barely slept, and since I was breastfeeding I lost weight ridiculously fast. In 2 weeks I dropped down to 130, well below my pre-pregnancy weight.

Once I went on meds, my mood (and my weight) stabilized at a much more healthy level. And since then, it has been a few years. My weight has crept up slowly, and I’m back up at 180.

Anyway, here are some pictures of me. I have one of those awesome botticelli bodies, at least I think so. Of course, there are those few areas that bug me. For some reason, my stretch marks have never faded. And I have that not-so-attractive shelf because of my cesarean scar. But, in general, I think I’m pretty cute! Even without the flat stomach and perky boobs. My body says I’m good at bearing children, which I’m assuming is attractive to men. At least, I haven’t had very many people turn me down!

Pregnancy and postpartum with twin girls (Shelly)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Twins 8 Comments

Age: 35
6 pregnancies that included 5 live births, including full term twins.
Would be 15.5 yrs old (Passed away sadly), 14 year old, 5 year old, and ten month old twin girls.
10 months postpartum
In the pregnancy pic I’m almost 33 wks with twins. (I grew MUCH MORE by 37 wks. when I delivered.)
I am 9 weeks postpartum in the after-preggo pictures. Thanks to my belly binding! I owe it all to that!
Me with my twins at 7 weks old.

All vaginal births. I have no battle scars to share, but I would have worn them with pride, because my children are SO worth anything. I believe a woman should love herself as she is, but I don’t blame those, like myself who rub creams to prevent stretchmarks and use binders to close diastasis and flatten mummy tummies.

The human body is beautiful. ALL shapes, sizes, and colors! I decided to put a nude pic up because I think the pregnant woman’s body is a beautiful thing, but I did cut my head off, lol.

Update (Kat)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

Original entry here.

I switched up my workout (flirty girl and carmen electra got too easy) so now I’m doing hip hop abs. Once I’m done with the 4 week plan for that, I’m going to start p90x.

I have started doing modeling jobs(I have a model mayhem account now! under the user girl08er). I am so excited! I have wanted to model for years now! My stretch marks are still fading pretty fast. I have been using celtrixa on them twice a day. I think I may be using olay wrinkle cream soon as well, to help tighten the skin back up.

My husband got a job recently that pays amazing, so I can finish up with my degree and focus on starting my sociology and modeling/dancing careers.

My son has gotten huge! At 3 months old he is wearing 6-9 months. He’s 95% in height still, and 75% in weight. He is sitting up on his own, crawling everywhere, and is starting to mimic the syllables in the words me and his daddy say to him. He’s such a little talker! And he’s starting to try and do the work out moves with me as he watches from the couch! I see an athlete in our future!

The pictures:
first 3- my progress so far
4th- my son’s sweet smile
5th- my son in what I call his “Jeff Bridges” outfit
6th-8th- pictures of me when I was pregnant(I realized that I had none on the first post for comparison)

Beauty = Found! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 10 Comments

Age: 21
# of pregnancies: 1
Weight pre-pregnancy: 110 lbs.
Weight gained during pregnancy: 50 lbs.
Weight 3 years post partum: don’t know!

I stumbled on this website quite by accident but I am SO glad I did! It is so important for women to see images of REAL bodies, especially mothers.

My relationship with my body has changed dramatically since I first got pregnant at age 18. I’ve struggled with eating disorders off and on since I was 14. When I was pregnant, I ate healthily for once and gained a decent amount of weight. My daughter was a large baby, 9 lbs. 7 oz. My labor and delivery were amazing experiences. I breastfed her for 13 months while going to college, which allowed me to eat healthy and maintain what I deemed an acceptable body.

I relapsed into disordered eating a few times after weaning my daughter. However, I have recently gained an enormous amount of self esteem. I’ve gotten my happiness and confidence back. I eat what makes me happy and I haven’t weighed myself in about 6 months. I’ve also been eating disorder free for over 6 months.

My body is perfect just the way it is. There are stretch marks on my thighs, breasts, hips, butt, and tummy, and I don’t care. The greatest thing another mother ever said to me was, “Honey, the guys I date don’t care about stretch marks,” when I asked her if she was ever afraid to be naked in front of men. Her confidence in herself has remained a model for me as I grow, both physically and spiritually. The good men will see the beauty in ALL of you.

I proudly nourished my daughter with my body. I wear a bikini with confidence. I enjoy uninhibited sex and intimacy. I advocate for women to love and take care of their bodies and I teach my daughter the same. She is young still but she will know that women deserve agency over their own bodies, not society. I teach her by example, showing her that learning, having self confidence, being creative, caring for others, and eating GOOD food is so much more important than constantly worrying about what we look like.

Life is just easier when you love yourself!

Fire Marks Almost Four Years Later (Cheri)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 9 Comments

In two weeks my moon face girl will four years old. I remember being madly in love with her father and asking the Goddess to let us have a child if it were meant to be. 9 months later there she was. I don’t recall the birth much due to a sedative they gave me during labor which had a side effect of temporary amnesia. I do recall the first time I saw my postpartum belly. Looking down at it and saying “what the hell is that?”. No one had prepared me. In the next few months I struggled with severe post postpartum depression. Every day remains a struggle. Some days I think I’m smoking hot. Other days I’m embarrassed to be in my own skin. I don’t think I began to feel comfortable with my stomach until the day I got a free massage and apologized to my yoga teacher who was studying to be a massage therapist for my stretch marks. She looked baffled and told me she thought they were beautiful and that they reminded her of fire. I took her words symbolically to heart and try my best to think of them as marks of power that carved the gift the universe bestowed upon me. Some days are still a struggle. Especially with a divorce now in the works between moon face girl’s papa and I. For a while, I didn’t believe anyone but my daughter when they told me I was beautiful. Some days I still don’t. But how can I not think this body that birthed my amazing child isn’t beautiful? She’s awesome. She is worth every mark and every cup size I have fluctuated these past years. Every that came from her has brought meaning to my life… She inspired my career path. She continues to inspire me. These marks and saggy breasts are a reminder of her. It’s a reminder that no mater what I do or where I go she’ll be with me forever. Pictures included are breasts, stomach close up, stomach sucked in, and a slightly not so close up of stomach and body…

Age:23
Pregnancies:1 Births:1
Child’s age:4 in two weeks.
Postpartum: 4 years in two weeks.