Breasts

Jealous of Your Breast Complaints, Terrified of Post-Pregnancy Body (Wren)

Bonnie (SOAM) Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 40 Comments

pictures:
-4.5 months pregnant (closest I have to pre-pregnancy)
-6 months
-last three are me at 7 months

Age: 20
Number of pregnancies: 1 (8 months along)

I couldn’t wait until after birth to post something because every time I come to this website I ache to share my own story. I’m not generally an insecure person; I don’t do my hair, wear make-up, or strive to be super-skinny (140 lbs, sz 9 prepregnancy). But I have tried so, so, so, SO hard to accept and love my breasts and continually find it impossible. I dealt with them all right before, but pregnancy has made it almost obsessive. At about 3 months it occurred to me what my post-breastfeeding boobs might look like, which began the inevitable downward spiral. Then, upon doing breastfeeding research I discovered that I might have a milder case of hyperplasia, or tubular breast deformity. Meaning they are underdeveloped, lacking “normal fullness” and breast tissue with the aboslute WORST part being that I might not be able to breast feed. Having my breasts officially labeled as “deformed” was too much for me to handle and then not being able to breastfeed.. as if it isn’t awful enough to have ugly breasts, but they don’t even WORK? It was all I could think about for a few days and it depressed me incredibly, to the point of me getting hysterical when a pair of nice breasts popped up in a movie that I was watching with my boyfriend. It made me feel horrible. My boyfriend and I have been together 2.5 years and I -know- he’s tired of hearing me complain, even though he always reassures me that he loves them. I just don’t see how he could ever be aroused by such a sad excuse for breasts. I tell myself that I wish I could love and be proud of them, but even then I think I would feel as if I’m lying to myself, I feel so justified in hating my breasts and that’s an awful feeling. Aesthetically, they’re just so ugly. Not round, not perky, not anything good, just ugly. I try to look here or on 007b.com to make myself feel better but to look at all the girls with beautiful breasts hating on themselves only makes me more sad. I try to look for support online for girls with this condition and all I can find are breast augmentation boards, which obviously makes me feel worse. I feel ugly and unfeminine, like I’ve been deprived a right as a woman, like my wonderful boyfriend deserves pretty breasts and mine are such a disappointment. I’m terrified of my post-pregnancy body and how I’ll handle it emotionally but I’ll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it. On the bright side, I have had an easy pregnancy so far and only gained 18 lbs, not counting 10 that I lost and re-gained because of awful morning sickness. I can’t wait to meet my precious baby girl and start a family with the love of my life, and I feel so selfish to be so worried about my body issues. But it’s such a deep-seeded horrible feeling, I feel like it will never go away. Some days are better than others, but then I see breasts on mannequins, in pregnancy books, or cleavage on other girls and I just get that useless “why-me” syndrome, it’s a vicious cycle. Hopefully having my baby can somehow change my view of my body and I hope to god that I am able to breastfeed. I very much look forward to posting post-pregnancy!

4 Years Later and Still Insecure (Amanda)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Submissions 4 Comments

I have always been thin. I know this now. I can look back at pictures of of me and see it but at the time (and even now sometimes) I forget and all the anxiety comes back. I have always had self image issues to the point of crazy water diets and just plain not eating..Well when the news that I was preggo in my eggo came to front in Feb of 2007 that would all (mostly) change. I fought gaining weight the first 5 months of my pregnancy to the point where my doctor was using threats to get me to eat more than my self allotted calories. I don’t remember at what point exactly it was but I got over my fear of weight gain and throughout the pregnancy I gained 44lbs..9 months later a gorgeous baby girl was born and I couldn’t be happier (minus the whole deployed husband that could of been better). But as most of us know after the adrenaline of having a baby and sleepless nights are slowly less and less your body comes back into the picture with a screaming vengeance of “Look what you did to me”. I thought ok no big deal I will just do what I have always done and basically starve myself and work out until im back to “perfection”..HA little did I know that not only does having a baby change the appearance of your body but it changes EVERYTHING about your body..needless to say the starving diets and endless work outs did not work. Long story short I did loose the weight (the usual 20lbs dropped fast and i had to work for the next 20). When I got pregnant I was 5’9 130lbs today I am 5’9 and 135-140 (depending on stress..lol) and you know what thats ok (on my good days) my BMI is within healthy range and on the outside (with clothes on I look decent). I still struggle tremendously with my body image but what is so hard is that I KNOW I don’t look horrible but I feel like I do. And it’s exhausting. Every day throughout the day I am looking at a mirror and at my stomach and thighs and thinking “do i look fat?”..when I know I don’t but I don’t know how to make the fears and insecurities go away. Then I found this website where real women show real pictures and share real stories and I have hope that maybe someday soon what I know and what I see are the same thing.

The picture in the white pants is a week postpartum
The Picture in the green stripes is today 3/4 years postpartum
Red shorts the day i found out I was pregnant ( I was 14 wks)
Preggo pic day of delivery (kind of day I went into labor at least…)

~Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births:2 pregnancies 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: I girl age 3 (almost 4)

38 Weeks and Growing (Katie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 15 Comments

Hi all! I love this website as I have always been so curious to see what other pregnant bellies look like. It is so fascinating to see the many different ways we grow as women during our pregnancy journeys. I agree with the philosophy of the woman who created this site, that the changes motherhood bring should no longer be kept a secret, rather celebrated. It is also so refreshing to see women band together to support one another with kind words. This is my second pregnancy, I am 38 weeks pregnant in this photo and at the point of feeling like I’m ready to deliver. I live in a very hot hot hot climate so going outdoors has become a challenge- plus I have a 3 year old little monster to chase! I will include that I am 5’8” and prepreg. weight was 128-ish, now I’m 160. I will definitely include a postpartum update with photos. Good luck to all of you!

~Age: 33
~Number of pregnancies and births: second pregnancy
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: this is my second child, I have a 3 year old daughter

Suddenly Androgynous! (Jan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 19 Comments

1 Pregnancy
1 Child, eight months old

My name is Jan. I am 25 years old and I am currently eight months postpartum. Before my husband and I even started trying to get pregnant, I was concerned about what might happen to my body. I had always been slim, my tummy flat, and my breasts were proportionate to my body.
We got pregnant quickly, which we were so thankful for.
Pregnancy agreed with me, I loved my fuller breasts, and my growing belly became even more special when I began feeling my baby’s movements. I still miss feeling the little hiccoughs.

I went into labour two days before my due date and progressed quickly at the hospital. Then unexpectedly, I stalled out at nine centimetres. My doctor wanted me to push, in an effort to thin out the last bit of rim on my cervix. This didn’t work, even after an hour of trying. So I gave in and got the epidural- the hope was that it would help me relax- and then successfully finished dilating. But my babe wouldn’t budge! I pushed for another hour to no avail. At last I gave birth with the assistance of forceps. It was the most intense ten minutes of my life. I had a beautiful baby girl weighing in at 7 lbs, 14 oz.

About two days after her birth, I really noticed my milk coming in. My breasts ballooned to a D cup. I actually enjoyed the leaking of milk. I loved breastfeeding too, the oxytocin made me blissful. My little girl was such a wonderful eater. I had some soreness in my nipples but after a few days it was gone, and I was enjoying the very rewarding experience of nourishing my child from my body.

Around five months of age, my baby girl began crying more than we expected. I had been noticing my breasts didn’t leak anymore and didn’t seem as full either. Soon we realized she wasn’t getting enough to eat.
I rented an electric breast pump and began pumping as much as I could to try to stimulate more production. I battled with it for a month and then decided to try a prescription to increase my prolactin hormone. The pills worked for sure, but my husband noticed I was becoming depressed. I would cry several times a day over nothing, insisting I wasn’t a good mother. I got angry with him easily and said and did hurtful things when that is not in my nature at all.
Together we decided that I shouldn’t take the pills anymore, so I breastfed as much as I could but supplemented with formula. Slowly but surely I could see that my production was coming to an end altogether.

Now my daughter is eight months old and she is formula fed (solids now, too). It has been about a month to six weeks since she breastfed. I miss nursing her. Her baby smell mixed with that sweet breast milk smell was intoxicating. Now I feel that she doesn’t need me in the same way she once did. Of course she still needs me, I’m her mother after all… but the breastfeeding was something only I could provide. It was my excuse to have my baby all to myself.

I have been feeling badly about my body. I am 108 lbs now. That is six pounds less than when I got pregnant. I know there are women out there struggling to lose the baby weight, struggling to love the extra skin and stretch marks. A lot of women wouldn’t want to hear me complain about my body I’m sure. But I actually felt more beautiful at 39 weeks pregnant (I weighed 142 lbs at that point). Even a couple of weeks postpartum when my tummy was squishy and still had the dark lines on it, I felt like more of a woman. I felt beautiful. I couldn’t wait to heal and make love to my husband again, wanting him to enjoy my more womanly figure too.
Now I am a cup size smaller than I was pre pregnancy. I am thin, I am boyish. I often wonder if my husband is still attracted to me- with my small, sagging breasts… that really don’t have much mass anymore. They seem more like hanging pieces of skin.

And yet, I know that I need to love my body. What an amazing accomplishment, to be pregnant and to give birth, and to feed my baby from my body. Sure, I looked “better” pre pregnancy, but my body had never accomplished anything so incredible before. Despite wishing I looked more like my “old self”, I now respect my body more.

1st Photo- Eight months post partum
2nd Photo- 38 weeks pregnant

My Amazing Weird Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, Cesarean, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Twins 29 Comments

Hi! Your website is so wonderful- thank you for encouraging moms to appreciate and accept the bodies God gave them and their amazing ability to give birth to His precious children! I am the proud mommy to four beautiful boys! I’m posting today becasue I’ve not yet seen anyone on the site that has my same umm, er.. ‘unusual’ shape. I hope my pictures will help those ‘skinny girls with a tiny pooch’ appreciate what they have! And the meatier ones realized they’re not alone. My oldest (now 7) was a vag delivery at 9 lbs. 2 oz.; then came twins (emergency c-section) at 3 lbs. 7 oz. and 5 lbs. 13 oz. and the baby just turned a year in May (another c-section) 7 lbs. 2 oz.! Yes, I am chubby, saggy, have TONS of stretch marks, an ugly apron of fat and my butt is, well..weird and beyond description! LOL! But, my family is so worth it. I just have to do my best everyday to keep telling myself I am an amazing creature! I gave life to FOUR people with this body. And I realized (thanks to this website) that I have nice boobs! They made milk and sustained life for all of my boys- and they still look ok- not too shabby! Ladies- you are all wonderful and beautiful! Be proud of your uniqueness and love yourselves :)

Loving My Mommy Marks (Izzy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 8 Comments

Age-20
1 birth
baby will be 2 in September

Hello beautiful moms!! its been well over a year since I last posted. But I have been a daily visitor for the past 3 years. In my last submission I was 6 weeks pp with my little man, he will be two in September time sure does fly!

Before pregnancy I weighed in at 145-150 ish 5’9. When I first moved in with my now husband I went up to 185 (I was 16 we had our own apartment and we were up all night eating and playing video games lol) I let my self go but I loved my body at 185 and my husband was even more crazy about me :)

We found out we were expecting December of 2008 we were ecstatic and ready for parenthood. I loved every single moment of my pregnancy every kick, punch, hickup I loved loved loved. Being young (17) and overwhelmed I was pretty sure pregnancy was an excuse for me to gorge myself into anything I layed eyes on. I had no symptoms of pregnancy except a growing belly, no nausea, vomiting, heart burn nothing! I was feeling great and although I ate everything in sight I didn’t really start showing till about 25 weeks.

As I awoke every morning to a wonderful husband and a kick in the ribs by the life growing inside of me, I also had stretchmarks crawling closer and closer towards me. I had tons amongst tons of stretchies everywhere imaginable. On my sides, stomach, Boobs, calves, and arms. Although they didn’t bother me, the thought of never again having smooth flawless skin like girls my age started sinking in slowly.

I gave birth to my son with zero complications September 22, 2009. I weighed 240 lb (yikes!) when I delivered. I went home with a 7lb 10oz healthy baby boy. I knew right away I was going to breast feed and I’m very glad that my boy took very well to each feeding. By 6 weeks pp I was down to 190. I stayed at 190 throughout the whole ten months I was able to breast feed.
(My son was introduced to whole milk while I was going to school and working and little by little I was producing less and less milk)

After I stopped breast feeding my body was no longer burning the 500 calories that was helping me stay at 190 so you can pretty much figure out were I’m heading, Yup a whopping 26 pounds I gained leaving me at 216. I was miserable I couldn’t believe the number on the scale. Here’s this beautiful active baby boy walking and running and I could barley keep up! I was determined to loose this unnecessary weight, it wasn’t healthy and I didn’t want it interfering with me and my son’s play time :)

I changed my eating habits and ate healthy bringing me down to 200 lb and although I was happy about getting down to 200 I was upset because I weighed 200! I wasn’t loosing or gaining any more weight and I felt cheated because I was giving up all my favorite foods and I was working my butt of at the gym, but the scale still denied me to see the 100’s. My 20th birthday cam along and even though I was healthier I was loosing my motivation. Two tickets to Cancun Mexico was my birthday gift from my wonderful husband.
I had a life time of motivation now lol

I managed to get down to 180 in the matter of 5 months and was rocking a bikini on the beautiful beach of Cancun :) I put aside all of my insecurities and thanked my body for blessing me with a perfect child :) I might have a stretch mark for every freckle that Lindsay Lohan has on her body….but I’m a beautiful mother and I accept every squiggle and wrinkle that was left behind by my boy. I wanna thank SOAM and all the moms for their stories. There’s no such thing as an ugly mom and don’t let anyone tell you other wise we bring beautiful lives onto this earth and we should feel proud.

Oh and just found out a couple days ago baby #2 on the way..6 weeks pregnant yay!!

1st pic-before pregnancy
2nd pic-me at 32 weeks
3rd pic-laying down side view of stretchies
4th pic-really good view of my belly stretchies
5th pic-me and my baby showing off our bellies
6th pic-laying down stretchies don’t look as bad
7th pic-me ima dress
8th pic-boobs
Pics are me at 180 lb

Site Newbie, 2 Years PP (Lisa J)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 10 Comments

My Age: 38
Number of pregnancies and births: 3 Pregnancies, 3 Births
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 8, 5, and 2.

Hi everyone,
I’m a newbie to the site. After reading many of your amazing stories, I feel compelled to introduce myself and share my story.

My name is Lisa, and I am a 38 year-old mother of three wonderful children (8, 5, and 2). I was never what you might consider to be skinny prior to my pregnancies, but I was quite fit and had very nice curves. Like everyone else here, my pregnancies significantly transformed my body.

After my last child, I took a long, hard look at myself and decided to try to regain my pre-pregnancy form (to the best of my abilities). I was about 80 pounds over-weight and slowly began to lose some weight.
I am very fortunate to be married to a wonderful man who was so supportive in helping me achieve my goals. He helped to motivate me when I was down and wanted to quit dieting, and served as a shoulder to cry on when I was down. I want to say that I love you Scott, and am so thankful to have you in my life.
While my stomach, butt, thighs, and boobs are bigger and not as firm as they used to be, I have finally reached a point where I feel pretty good about my appearance again. All in all, I think that I look pretty good. I am attaching some pictures below, so please be kind.

I hope others may gain strength from my experience, and know that you can get to where you want to be with hard work and patience. I strongly encourage all of you to take as many pictures as possible of yourself along your journey. In retrospect, I did not take as many pictures of myself as I probably should have. Those that I did take served as motivation for me and were extremely helpful in helping me see weight loss results.

Same Weight, Different Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 26 Comments

-Age 24, 1 child
-5 months PP

My pregnancy was awful. Since college, I’ve been a pretty healthy person at 5’1 and 145 but I’ve slowly crept up in weight from 120-145 but I feel comfortable at 135. Well, when I graduated from college last year, I discovered that I was pregnant–my boyfriend whom had already talked marriage with and I had only been dating a few months. Well, we got married and I went crazy because of hormones and the first year of marriage and gained a good 40 lbs even though I only probably needed to gain 25. I was crying all the time and yelling at my husband. My midwife said I was hypertensive and chose to induce me almost a week after my due day. The birth was fine and really great, no complications, and I felt very good about everything and I delivered a wonderfully healthy little boy at 7 lbs. 6 oz and I fell in love. We fell in love. And we were all happy.

Now, my self esteem is ruining everything. I knew my husband thought I was heavy when we first started dating and I tried to lose weight and then baby came and that stopped.Now I exercise regularly and eat healthy (when I feel like eating. I force myself to eat sometimes because I am breastfeeding and my little guy needs it). I’m now 142 after 5 months but this isn’t what my body looked like before! I have stretch marks all on my stomach, up and down my thighs and on my breasts. I don’t feel very attractive even though my husband insists he finds me very attractive, more so now than ever (it’s because of the boobs–I had none before my son) yet he hasn’t seen me naked since my first trimester. My insecurities were further exacerbated when I happened to come across some rather suggestive pictures of his long time friend (whom he has had a MAJOR crush on for almost a decade) in his stash of naked ladies. I was sick when i found them. She’s very slim lady and I think he’d love me more if I was slimmer. Now in my head there’s a constant competition over who is more attractive. Intellectually, I know my husband adores me, loves my body, and our life together and he just likes this girl because her personality has made him find her attractive but emotionally, I feel otherwise. I think if I didn’t have stretch marks, longer legs, and a smaller nose he’d love me more and I get so depressed because I’m not that I just don’t eat and stay in bed. I worry further that after I stop breastfeeding and I lose these amazing Ds that he won’t want to have sex with me or find it satisfying because I’ll go back to having my small scant B cup when he’s a man who loves his boobies big.

Some day I’ll feel better about everything, but right now I have other important items that should be on my mind other than feeling miserable and needing to exact revenge on this girl who doesn’t even know I hate her. I know I”m beautiful but some days it’s harder to believe it.

The pictures are me 5 months PP. Note the awful stretch marks.

My Body (Stephanie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Homebirth, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, VBAC 36 Comments

I have a love hate relationship with my body. I was obese or morbidly obese pretty much all my life, since the time I was 11. At least my mother kept telling me I was fat from that point on. I just lived up to her expectations I guess.

I took surgical measures to finally lose weight and lost 150 pounds and counting. I’ve weighed as much as 325 pounds and as little as 165 pounds. I’m 180 pounds and hoping to get to 150 pounds.

My body has carried 9 children within it, but only 8 survived.

My body has been sliced open to give birth once, and then I took control to give birth 7 more times without surgery. 6 of those births were in the comfort of my own home.

My body has nourished or tried to nourish all of my babies through my now saggy breasts.

My body has been ridiculed and adored. It has been loved and it has been hated. My body provides a safe place for my children to cuddle up on. In the future I hope my body will provide a safe place for other people’s children as a foster parent.

I may not have smooth skin, washboard abs, or perky breasts, but my body has a story because it’s been on a journey and that journey has really only begun.

~Age: I am 36 (1975 birth year)
~Number of pregnancies and births: 9 pregnancies, 1 miscarriage, 1 c/s, 1 hospital VBAC, 5 Unassisted Water Births, 1 Unassisted Home Birth.
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are:
G-12, G-11, B-9, B-8, B-6, G-5, B-3, G-1