Breasts

Only my partner could love this… before, during and after. (Terri)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 15 Comments

20 years of age
1 pregnancy, 1 birth to a beautiful baby girl
Baby’s aged 7 weeks.

Whilst I was pregnant I always thought that after the baby was born I could just do a couple of sit ups and i’d get my body back the way it was before. I was applying baby oil religiously every night for the whole of my pregnancy in ingnorance of hoping that
it would prevent stretch marks and I regularly went out for walks to help prevent the belly. Oh how ignorance was bliss! I didn’t get stretch marks on my stomach so I was fooled into thinking i’d be one of the lucky ones. Nope! A couple of days after my baby
was born I got them all over my stomach, all over my boobs and on my thighs. I didn’t even dare look at my bum and look at the dreaded cellulite! Now I find that as much as I love my little bundle of joy I absolutley hate my new body. My confidence now has
a huge dent in it and no matter what my partner says about my body (all of it positive) I still can’t see what he sees. All I see is the rolls of fat when I bend over to my now saggy chest. I’m no longer the confident woman I once was. I get annoyed at everyone
telling me I should be proud because it carried my baby because I was fooled into thinking I should look like all of those celebs that lose it no matter what. I am proud! But I just want to be me again not mum! Even though I am very proud to be a mum.
And also although I am back in my size 8 clothes I can’t help but notice that I now have a bit of skin hanging over my jeans :( And I also would LOVE to have another baby but this has made me scared about what would happen to my body after I have that one.

Mid-Thirties Mom of Two (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 12 Comments

2 pregnancies, 2 births
3 years post-partum

Pregnancy was harder on my mind than on my body. I hated that my body was no longer my own to do with as I pleased. Post-partum, I hated that breastfeeding completely changed the look of my breasts, leaving me lopsided. I was resentful every time I looked in the mirror or passed a window, every time I tried on clothes.

With my 35th birthday looming, something inside of me changed. I’m turning 35. I’m supposed to be an adult. Where is that self-acceptance that everyone talks about? So I decided to find it. And, in my search, I found the beautiful women on this site. You have all inspired me to love myself, to embrace my body, and to be proud of what it has done. I’m now a content 35 year old mom of two, who just happens to have uneven breasts. But who cares? I’m a mother.

It’s a Fair Trade (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, D-MER, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 10 Comments

~ Age: 27
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 year old and 6 month old

I love my life! I have an amazing, supportive husband and two adorable little boys who I get to spend everyday with as a stay-at-home-mom. We live in a quaint home in a peaceful neighborhood with family close by. It’s wonderful that they can share with us the joys of raising our children.

It’s been a lot of ups and downs in our mere 3.5 years of marriage, including losing our first pregnancy; a missed miscarriage confirmed at 10 weeks. It was a difficult three weeks as we waited for my body to pass the pregnancy naturally but in that time my husband and I grew very close and became certain in our decision to start a family. Fortunately, following the miscarriage, I was very lucky to have two complication free pregnancies (although physically they weren’t easy to get through) and relatively easy and uneventful vaginal deliveries. The crowning moment of my life was when the doctor told me to look down and to take my youngest son by the armpits. I pulled him from me, up to my chest and we met for the first time. I said “Hi baby” and his gaze, while I’m sure quite fuzzy, managed to meet incrediby intensely with mine. In that moment I knew the world and our family was complete.

I read and hear about other women’s stories and journeys into motherhood and I feel so blessed that I have been able to escape many of their difficulties. Yet, there is still a pain I am living with. It’s like a nagging that plagues my mind every second of every day. A nagging that I’m not good enough, not perfect enough. I’m not the wife or mother or housekeeper that I should be. I should be better with money, better with my diet, better about reading to my kids, the list goes on and on. Part of this little voice has always been there in the back of my head, the other part is a little monster that has risen out of PPD and D-MER.

Most people are knowledgeable about post-partum depression, but not with D-MER, so I will explain. D-MER, short for Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex, refers to mood swings created from the drop in dopamine that triggers a milk letdown while breastfeeding. What this means is that every time my son latches on, I get an intense feeling of panic, dread, guilt, frustration, annoyance, etc. The feelings change and are never the same from episode to episode. I have found that these negative feelings that ebb and flow many times throughout the day, along with PPD and sleep deprivation make it very hard to maintain a strong sense of self. I battle my demons with positive thoughts and some help from an antidepressant. I don’t win every battle but so far I am winning the war. Breastfeeding is very important to me and I didn’t want to stop because of this stupid thing called D-MER, so I keep fighting and try to keep winning. I have always had good self esteem and a healthy body image but the physical and emotional toll of bringing my babies into the world and nourishing them has made the negative voices creep in. ‘I’m not good enough. If I was skinnier and fitter then maybe I will be good enough’.

Most days I’m pretty certain that I will get a tummy tuck and a boob lift when we can save the money for it. On my better days I can look past the sagging skin and simply accept that this is the new me. In the mean time I’m trying to lose weight and get in shape. I ran my first 5k a few weeks ago!! Ok, well, I walked half of it. But never in my life did I think I would complete a 5K and I did it just 5 months after having my second baby in less then 2 years!

Currently I weigh 167 lbs. I started both my pregnancies at 174 lbs and got up to 194 lbs with my first and 202 lbs with my second. My current goal weight is 155. I could get down to 135 which is where I was in college, but who am I kidding, I’d rather be a little pudgy and get to enjoy all the tasty food life has to offer then be skinny and have to miss out, lol!

At the end of the day, I’m not thrilled with my body but I have so much in my life to be thankful for so I choose not to stress about it. I have an openhearted and inquisitive toddler who bring so much fun into my life and my 6 month old is a ball of smiles and laughs. I have a husband who is my soul mate and who loves me even at my worst. Those are the only things that really matter in this world. If I have to put up with a little sagging skin for all of that, I’ll call it a fair trade :)

I’m hoping that by sharing my far from perfect body it will help other women feel more comfortable with theirs.

Picture 1: Nursing
Picture 2: What happens when I pull the sag out :(
Picture 3: Side view
Picture 4: The hips that gave me easy deliveries
Picture 5: You can see I just fed on my left side, lol

Updated here.

Coming to terms with the new me! (Krystal)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 2 Comments

Tomorrow is the 36th week of my pregnancy. It seems like overnight my body has changed – some changes are beautiful others are a little harder to accept. I’ve waited 29 years to have a baby. In fact, I never thought I would get the chance to be pregnant or carry a baby but somehow, here I am! :) In just four weeks my dreams will come true – I’ll be a mother of a beautiful baby girl – so why do I find myself scrutinizing my body in the mirror looking at every new stretch mark and every pound gained? I tell myself that it is ridiculous that I am so consumed with changes that are NATURAL and part of being a mother. I try to remind myself that the ridiculous image of women portrayed by the media is warped and wrong and that I should be proud of this body that is nourishing and protecting my daughter and giving her life. Still, it’s hard. So, here I am writing this post so that I can force myself to be proud of the New Me. I am no longer the Krystal who never felt her daughter roll around and jump in her belly or whose breasts grew so that she could feed her little girl. I am a mother now and that is something incredibly wonderful and something that I should be proud of. My stretch marks and new body are my proof that I am this new person and I am going to wear them with pride. I’m not going to let the world dictate to me that I should look 18 years old forever. I am going to do this so that I can break the cycle of “achieving perfection” with my own daughter. I’m going to look at these changes every day and remember that I am a very blessed woman who should appreciate that she given an opportunity that some women don’t get to share. I am going to be thankful and most importantly, I am going to be proud!!

***The pictures show my pre-pregnancy body. I was working out a lot to try to get in shape which explains the crazy pose and really low pants! lol Then there is a close-up of the stretch marks on the right/left/ front of my belly and my breasts which have grown almost 3 cup sizes!***

~Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1st pregnancy with my daughter Carmen
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: No children until July 16, 2012!

Young Mother of One (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 12 Comments

I got pregnant at 19, after being with my Husband for 2 months (this was before we got married). I was very depressed my first tri because I wasn’t ready to have a child, especially with someone I hardly knew. I came around in my second tri, after feeling a fetus move inside of you it’s just so magical you can’t help but fall in love. When I was 5 months pregnant my husband and I got married, a month before he left for basic training in the Army. I’m 5’1″ and I have an extremely short torso, so I always looked a month or two more pregnant than I was, everyone would joke that I was carrying twins. My daughter’s due date came and went, and a week after she was due I was induced (pitocin will forever be my enemy). My OB suggested an epidural at only 2cm (after they broke my water), which I knew you weren’t supposed to do until 4cm, but I thought she would know best and 20 hours later, after screaming and puking and crying, still stuck at 6cm, I had to get an emergency cesarean. The cesarean was the last thing I wanted, but after 27 hours of labor, it was a relief. My husband couldn’t be there, so I had my mom, step-mom, and cousin there for support.

Once I heard her cry, I began balling and she looked just like her daddy. She was 8lb, 7oz, 21 inches long. I had to spend 4 days in the hospital, I will never forget the awful recovery of a C-section. I struggled with breastfeeding and the pain of the incision, as well as realizing I had to take care of a little person 24/7! I never realized what my mother did for me until I had a child of my own….being a mom is the hardest job on the planet!!! My husband didn’t come home until she was 3 months old, and honestly I thought it would be more magical than it was. He held her, and she cried. He assumed it was because of him but she was just hungry….He wasn’t as excited to see her as I had imagined…He told me when he came home he would be the only one taking care of her for weeks, but that never happened. Being a single, married mother….that’s something that really kills me.

We now live on base, and I still do everything. I found out he was cheating on me not 2 months after moving here, thousands of miles away from my family and friends…but I’m still with him, and I’m trying to make it work. We are in marital counseling and he knows if he messes up again I’m leaving him for good. He is very supportive though, he loves my body and tells me I’m beautiful and that it was for a good purpose. I’ve been struggling with my body image a lot, I feel like a flabby old woman. I thought my body was awful before pregnancy, and now I would give anything to have it back. It’s hard to accept myself, I know it was for a good purpose, to bring my healthy baby girl into this world…but I struggle with it everyday. After what my husband did, with those younger girls who haven’t had children….it makes me so insecure. The women I know that have had children look great and it’s really discouraging. I really want to accept my body, but I believe it will take a long time. I can’t wear any of my clothes without looking awful, I can’t wear jeans or my tummy makes a little shelf, my tummy is deflated and saggy, and my boobs look the same. Hopefully I will find the light and come back posting that I have learned to love my body, and I really hope I do.

Age – 20
4.5 months postpartum

Finally happy with myself; it wasn’t easy, though! (Susan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

age 26

I have always had issues with my weight, so I didn’t think pregnancy would have a huge effect on my body.

I gave birth to my son via emergency cesarean in September 2005. I quickly realized my stomach was sagging, even at my highest weight my stomach never hung, and my stretch marks were VERY dark.

My breast had always been symetrical, but after my second child, a daughter, was born in September 2010, my left breast started producing milk at a much higher rate. Causing my daughter to nurse mainly on the left side.

By this time I was totally used to my stomach, but the huge difference in breast size took me a long time to get used too.

I recently started blogging about obesity and parenting, and I think your site is wonderful! I have been treated so horribly over the years because of my weight, but the worst came when I tried to join play date groups. Its amazing to see I am not alone!

Finding support in others who understand that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes has helped me so much. My boyfriend has shown me that it doesn’t matter what others say, I am a good mother. I carried two babies 9 months, fed them each for 2 years with my breasts (almost there with my daughter, although we’re practicing self weaning with her), and no matter what I am beautiful.

So now with a 6 1/2 year old and a 20 month old, and a new found self confidence, I’m proud to share my body including my D and B breasts.

Photo 1: 20 months PP with #2 weight 250
Photo 2: 20 months PP with #2 Weight 250
Photo 3: Breasts Left D cup Right B cup
Photo 4: Cesarean scar(had infection after 2nd, but nothing serious)
Photo 5: 20 weeks with #1 weight 182
Photo 6: 37 weeks with # 2 weight 261
Photo 7: My beautiful babies, they make it all worth it

Uphill Battle (Jade)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 22 Comments

-Age- 18
-Pregnancy’s- 1 and -Birth’s- 1
-Children Age- almost 2yrs

I was only 15 when i concieved my little boy, zander. I had him June 1st of 2010 at 12.51pm. he weighed 8lb 14 oz and 21 1/2inches long. I have had a hard time dealing with the way i look. i know it could be alot worse but from where i was before having my son to now is a big change. at 15 pre-pregnancy i was 5’5″ 95lbs and a 34DD. my body was so perfect in my mind. my boobs where so perfect and perky, my nipples where the right size and shape. my tummy was supper flat, i was a dancer and had a dancer belly. now my sides have strectch marks, which u cannot really see in the picture, and truely they arent to bad compared to others but for me i worry so much about them. I hate almost everything about me and i know i shouldnt but i do. my fiance is kind of supportive. i know he thinks he loves me but i know i love him more than he loves me. but last october he did cheat on me. so i worry about his mind set it also made me feel so ugly and not good enough. we have been togethere for 4years now hes 4years older than me making him 22yrs old. sometimes i feel stuck because i want my son to have a daddy in his life but i dont know if me and him are right for each other. i have a fear of being alone and i dont know if someone is going to want me for the fact of the way i look and i have a child. now im rambeling haha. but thankyou for reading this and i love this site it has made me feel better and less alone

well the one picture is of my son Zander
my belly as of today 2years after birth(weighing 105lbs and a 34D)
me at 9 months pregnant

155 (Colleen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 9 Comments

Previous submission here.

My age: 28
I have had one birth so far, and am 22 weeks pregnant with my second.
My daughter is 2 years and 9 months old.

I was 155 pounds when I posted my first entry, 3 weeks after my daughter was born. I was optimistic about losing 15 pounds.

I was 155 pounds when I posted an update on my daughter’s first birthday. Since I hadn’t really tried, I knew those 15 pounds would be easy to lose.

I was 155 pounds when I got my second positive pregnancy test, when my daughter was 2 years and 5 months old. I realized those 15 pounds weren’t going anywhere, but I was okay with it.

And two weeks ago, at 20 weeks pregnant, I stepped on the scale, saw 155, and squealed in delight. Then ran out, got my husband, and made him come back and see.

My weight hasn’t really bothered me since I became a mother. I love my shape, I’m okay with that. What I hate is being unfit. Of huffing and puffing after walking up stairs, or chasing my toddler around. I had this fear that if I ended up holding on to 15 pounds after every pregnancy, I WOULD end up hating my weight.

I decided that this time around, I would eat better and exercise, with the hopes that my maternity pants would still fit at the end. Apparently I jinxed myself. The day my period was due, I ate a plate of nachos and left for work—and very nearly threw them up on the way there. Nausea is nothing out of the ordinary for me, but when my normal coping measures did NOTHING throughout the night, I knew something was up. I stopped on my way home, got a pregnancy test, and sure enough it was positive.

By 4 weeks and 5 days I was on Zofran and barely functioning. I am emetophobic; I have been afraid of vomit and vomiting for so long that my body literally can’t do it anymore, until the situation is so dire I’m begging for relief. Severe nausea also causes panic attacks, the lightheadedness and racing heart are really “helpful” when you feel like you’re already miserable. I am going to clarify that I have not vomited in either pregnancy (though not for lack of trying sometimes). I “just” spend 24/7 with this horrible, debilitating nausea that NEVER GOES AWAY, and an aversion to almost every food imaginable. There were days when I’d drive 20 minutes to the nearest Panera because the only thing I could even consider stomaching was an apple cinnamon crunch muffin. I’ve discovered that people don’t take nausea—as an ailment on its own, and not as a precursor to vomiting—seriously. The response to throwing up is “oh, are you okay?!”, but the response to nausea is, “suck it up and deal with it, at least you’re not throwing up!” The nausea and resultant dizzy spells were so bad that I quit my job when I was 10 weeks—something even my first pregnancy didn’t make me do. I never thought I’d be so desperate to gain weight. (Being upset about not gaining weight doesn’t gain you any sympathy, either, by the way).

I was 153 pounds, naked, when I found out I was pregnant. At my 8 week appointment I was 154 pounds, clothed. The lowest I saw was 146. The nausea started to improve around 18 weeks, and finally at my 20 week appointment I weighed 157. I was twice threatened with hospitalization for IV fluids/nourishment, but I managed to scrape by without it. As of three days ago I’m down to one Zofran a day, as part of getting-out-of-bed routine. I am hopeful.

Despite all of this, I LOVE being pregnant. I love the pregnant shape and watching my belly grow. I pick out clothes based on how well they show off my bump. I love those relaxed second-timer muscles that are giving me a bigger belly than I had last time (I do NOT love the relaxed second-timer round ligaments, though). I love feeling my second little girl dance around, a joy I never really got with my first because of her anterior placenta and her apparent predilection for hanging out wrapped around my spine. I am planning a VBAC, and I’m really hopeful for breastfeeding this time around (I nursed for 13 months with my first, but flat nipples, the cesarean, and a tongue tie made it hell at first). I’d have 12 kids if I thought I could handle it, just to continue being pregnant…but as it is we’re settled at three. The thought of going through the nausea even one more time is enough to stop me at three.

This picture is yesterday, at 22 weeks pregnant. Every week we take a picture and the weird shadow annoys me, but then I forget to try to fix the lighting the next week, so I guess I’m stuck with it. I’ve been going back and forth on not cropping my face out, but in the end I couldn’t get comfortable with the idea of having a fully nude photo of all of me on the internet where anyone can see. Maybe next time…

Updated here.

The Before, During, and After of My Belly (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 8 Comments

age 28
number pregnancies: 1 pregnant 25 weeks with next

I have always been pretty active and fit, I was 26 when I got pregnant with my son, it was unexpected and my husband and I had only been together for 6 months at the time. I tried and tried to avoid the stretch marks but I already had a ton of old ones from when I went through puberty so I knew it was a lost cause.

The angry little marks showed up around 37 weeks and I decided that I would document the changes in my belly from the end of pregnancy to immediately following the birth, to a couple weeks after to 2 years after to see how my body recovered. The marks do fade but never go away and you learn to live with them, I got a higher cut bikini to hide the old marks the best I can but I really don’t care anymore.

I am now 25 weeks pregnant with my second kid and wonder what will happen this time around, I’m sure I’ll be sad initially but I will look and see that the scars fade and life goes on. =)

picture 1 is of me a few months before getting pregnant
picture 2 is me the day I went to the hospital, the marks are hidden by the size of the belly!
picture 3 is an hour after birth while laying in the hospital bed
picture 4 is two weeks after
Two weeks
2 years after
Pregnant 25 weeks

Am I Really the “National Average?” (Misty)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 8 Comments

Am I really the “National Average?”
Height: 5’8”
Weight: 205lb

I just found out that the new U.S. National Average for women’s sizes is 14-16 (up from 10-12). That puts me right in the national average at a size 14 jeans/dress. But, what does that really mean?

At almost fifteen months postpartum I feel like I should not look the way I do. I walk around the wall hiding most of my body behind a fluffy (and comfortable!) sweater and my daughter’s stroller because all I see are thinner, tanner, smoother looking women staring back at me. When I order something in the food court I feel like all their eyes are on me; I feel like they whisper, “OMG Becky, she is so fat! Look at her… I can’t believe she is ordering that! Eat a salad you tub-o-lard!”

I should say up-front that I was never thin. My entire adult life (aka when my body stopped growing up and started growing out at 16) I have been a size 10+. The lowest I have weighed is 174lb and this put me in size 8 jeans (and I mean size 8 at Old Navy in stretch… which is really like a size 12 anywhere else). When I got pregnant in 2010 I was 196 pounds. Prior to having my daughter this weight did not look all that bad on my size 5’8” frame. I have always gained all of my weight in my thighs, butt, and arms. My stomach, despite my being “overweight,” has always remained very flat.

Flash forward to my postpartum body and I now gain all of my weight in my stomach, hips, and face. My legs seem to stay roughly the same and my waist is still less than 32 inches around. But my stomach and love handles absolutely hate me and have waged war on my physique.
I chose to do an extreme protein shake diet when my daughter was five months to when she was around ten months and I lost 45 pounds. I went from 225 pounds to almost 180 pounds. I dropped pants sizes and I felt like I looked normal. I stopped dieting so intensely and the instant I began a normal calorie diet I gained 25 pounds back. I now feel like I am disgusting again and again with every look in the mirror but no matter what I do I cannot drop the weight.

SOAM’s website has shown me that everyone has problems with their body post-baby. I see these other women and I think of how beautiful they all look, even when some of them are exactly my size. Lately, instead of focusing so much on losing weight and inches, I have been trying to eat healthier options (100% whole wheat instead of “wheat,” more fresh fruits/vegetables, less salt) and I go to the YMCA to swim. As a side note, the YMCA is a great place. Because of its friendly atmosphere I have not ever felt judged there and every woman looks like me!

A final note: We are all beautiful. We created a human and we should appreciate our bodies for the miracles they are!