Belly

25 yrs old, 4 years pp mother of 2! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 2 Comments

Where has the time gone!? This is not my first submission, i did another back in april 2012 titled 21 with 2 babies. I am now 25 and 4 years pp! Can’t believe my youngest will be 4 on oct 31st!

Ok, but back to the beginning. I’ve had 2 pregnancies and 2 births. I was 19 when i gave birth to my 1st (he is now 5 and in kindergarten), and 21 when i gave birth to my 2nd. Both amazingly handsome little boys and they are 19 months apart. I have been happily married to the love of my life for going on 7 years. My husband is super loving and tries his hardest to make me feel beautiful, but its hard for me. I am currently at my pre pregnancy weight, that’s not what gets me upset. Its my boobs :( after breastfeeding both my boys, one for 9 months the other for a year, they sure took a beating! I went from a C cup to a DD while nursing, now I’m maybe a B. And they are definitely not as happy as they used to be. I feel fine in clothing, but its a different story when the clothing comes off. You ladies are amazing for sharing your stories and pictures, each and everyone of you are beautiful! God bless!

Updated here.

I Used to Be a Model! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 17 Comments

I use to be a model!!!

I just turned 22. This is me 7 months post postpartum. I use to be a size 2-4, I loved my body, I worked hard at it, and I was so happy with what it had become. During my pregnancy I gained 100lbs!!! I have since lost 30 and plan on losing the rest. The biggest problem for me is my boobs. They use to be a nice B now I wear a DDD and it’s way too small (it’s the biggest size at the store) I HATE their size, I feel like I am all boob. I use to be able to run around without a bra! I hate bras. I hate how they hang down and cover my waist. The second picture I am lifting my arm up and it puts my boob in the place where it should be, and you can see my waist. I REALLY hope they shrink once I am done breastfeeding, but I am letting my son self wean. I wonder, will they shrink as the number of feeds decreases? Or will nothing happen until I am not breastfeeding at all anymore? I am against birth control for religious reasons, I haven’t gotten my period back, but I will probably get pregnant as soon as I start ovulation again, this means I might not have time to get my body back in shape, and maybe my boobs will grow again from another pregnancy and never shrink!? (Yikes!). I hate also that I can’t wear the clothes I love. Like many of the girls on this site, my husband also cheats on me with online porn. I am hoping once I can look like that again the infidelity will stop. I hate too because he is jacking off to women just because of their bodies, their bodies are enough to be deserving of his sexual attention. It disappointment me that the standard for who deserves it fo him is as low as who has the right body, I would be less upset if he jacked off to pictures of a girl he knew because he liked her as a person. I don’t even want a perfect body, I just want a decent one, I would switch bodies with almost any girl who has posted on here in an instant (they all look better then mine) and would probably be happy. I have thought about a breast and body lift after being done losing weight but it’s against my values and I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed more kiddos. I also developed a crush on a guy (my relationship with my husband has been in the pits, because I don’t feel like a desirable woman anymore, just a mom, and a house cleaner) and he called me fat and stopped talking to me over it. I use to have men wrapped around my fingers, so this really hurt. I wanted to go back to school, and take birth control in order to escape being a mom and be more like a maiden and I was hoping that would make my husband more attracted to me, I am really so sad about this transition to being a mom, it makes me feel like I am now completely undesirable to anyone. But I know he will not stay with me, because our faith calls to us having more traditional role where I stay home and have lots of kids. And I am not willing to leave him for this because I want my child to have a Dad, that’s more important to me then myself. It’s also why I still breastfeed (my child is more important than me) even though I know stopping would probably help my boobs shrink back.

Deep Breath (Angie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Mid Drift Movement, Postpartum, Submissions 1 Comment

Reposted here from the Mid Drift Movement Facebook page with Angie’s permission. Photo posted with Jade’s permission.

Deep Breath. Here it is. As many of you may have followed along we recently brought the mindblowingly talented Jade Beall here from Jade Beall Photography. She did mini shoots of mamas and I had the joy of meeting them all prior and helping everyone get comfortable before stepping behind the lens. I heard their reasons for doing the shoot and marveled at their bravery. I told them all they were lovely and I meant it with all my being.

My shoot with Jade was the day before the mamas came. We had come right from an event that morning where so many of you told us how important this movement is to you. I had had the privilege of getting to know Jade over the past few days and felt at ease. And my friends, the shoot was not as terrifying as I had anticipated for me. I didn’t hesitate and I went for it all fully nude (I’ll save those for elsewhere viewings) because I was thinking of all the hiding we do everyday. All of the mamas who think they are the only ones that look the way they do, that certainly no one has as many stretches, sags or bumps as they do. I left with my head held high feeling fuller of beauty than I had in a long time.

Then three weeks later the photos arrived in my inbox.

I thought I was ready, that I was confident. It was clear quite quickly I was not. Clicking through these images that I know show me as I am, I was overcome with emotions I had not expected. Shock. Sadness and Embarrassment. Not for my appearance, but for my reaction to seeing myself. And I wept staring at my screen. Mike sat next to me not entirely sure what to do that could ease the sting. I told him that the me I was seeing was not the me I have in my head. For whatever reason it just didn’t quite resonate.

I had to take a few days to let it all settle with me and then I took another look last night. This time I tried, really tried, to look at them with an open heart and see the real me. Of course the images were the same but this time I saw other things. I saw the sparkle in my eye as I held my head with pride. I saw the breasts that have fed and sustained all four of my children. I saw the stretched to its limits belly that grew these stupendous beings. And I felt a little bit of pride. Do I love every bit of my body? Absolutely not, but I am trying and it is happening slowly but surely.

And I knew I needed to share some of them. Especially when after our news story has been shared I have seen some of the comments. And they are not all that pretty. ( I broke the cardinal rule of never read the comments). I know that as we continue in this journey there will be more negativity and people asking me to “please cover it up” or lamenting that I am just “another fat woman looking for an excuse to not work out”. I know these people don’t know my story and furthermore, I know they don’t care. What I do know is that they are the people that fuel my fire to keep going. They are proof positive that indeed our society’s ideals need to be challenged and need to be questioned. So I will keep pushing forward asking you to join me.

The photo I chose was taken near the end of my shoot when we brought my youngest son in with me. He was less than thrilled especially when he saw that mama was in her undies and that there was not only Jade, but we had our film crew there too. Yup. I had it filmed for our documentary so that others may see that sometimes you have to close your eyes and jump without being certain of what will catch you. And I will continue to encourage you to do the same.

Love and strength to all you brave mamas as you too fuel my flame.
Angie

PS, we cannot continue to do this without your support so if this moves you in any way and you can contribute $5, $10 or whatever you can it would be ever so appreciated. Our Go Fund me link is here.

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A Message for All Moms (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Diastasis Recti, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions, Surrogacy, Thyroid Issues, Update 3 Comments

Age: 28?
Number of pregnancies and births: 4?
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 9, 5, 3, 9 months?

Hello,

I’d first like to say, I am 9 months post partum with my 4th pregnancy. I carried a friends baby for her this time as she couldn’t. So I only have 3 children that I take care of not 4. I got pregnant when I was 18 and my body seemed to bounce back pretty well. I assume this is because I was very young when I had her. I then had my other 2 children at 22 and 24 and gained some extra weight (10lb) I couldn’t get rid of. I thought I was done having babies after that but at 27, my friend was having such a struggle getting pregnant so I did something crazy and offered my body as the baby carrier for her child. I wouldn’t take it back for anything but it really did a number on my body this time plus an extra 20lbs on top of that ten. I am now 30 some pounds overweight. I discovered a month ago that I have diastasis recti. I’m sure a lot of moms are familiar with this term but for those that aren’t its when your tummy muscles are open instead of closed like normal. So my organs are pretty much left hanging out without the muscles to hold them back causing a mommy tummy that’s pretty obvious. I was hopeful when I learned I could correct this without surgery. I’m in the process right now of correcting it and have made some great improvements in just a month with exercises alone.

Unfortunately, I have also discovered that I have hypothyroidism, which has made it almost impossible to lose any of the baby weight I have gained over the past ten years of baby making. My initial goal was to lose 30lbs after this pregnancy but I can’t even lose one. Literally. I’m really struggling with this and praying I will figure it out. My goals aren’t unrealistic and I’m not trying to look perfect either but it’s really discouraging when you can’t even lose 1lb and you do everything right. I eat very healthy and over the past 9 months, I have worked out until I can’t work out anymore. I’ve worked my butt off for nothing it seems. I’m not scared to watch what I eat or to work out so that I can lose weight either. It’s been very hard to deal with not just physically but emotionally and mentally too. I use to have my good and bad days with my self esteem because of how my body looks and how society says beauty should look. One important thing I’ve learned from it all and that I’d like to share with women who are struggling with self esteem or body issues after having a baby is this:

I don’t have the cute body anymore. Most people would look at me and say my body isn’t very attractive. I have stretch marks. I have a mommy tummy and my thighs don’t have that perfect little gap between them that so many women nowadays are after. (I probably never will either lol) I carry extra weight practically everywhere and have some interestingly shaped boobs now that I’ve had 4 children. Society would say my body is far from beautiful but……. it has done something more beautiful than I could ever make it look. It’s made life and I am so proud of that. Not every woman gets the privilege to carry their children and make something as beautiful as your body did.

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Updated here.

Shape of Me: Take Two (Mom)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Body Dysmorphic Disroder, Breasts, Eating Disorder, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 7 Comments

Age : 28
Number of pregnancies : 2

I am a mom of two beautiful and I mean beautiful children. Not just saying that because I am mom ! My son was born ten years ago and two years or so after that, I completed an entry into this forum with photos. It was the scariest thing I had ever done. It was the first time anyone saw me naked, and in the light. It was the first time I shared my insecurities with what might as well have been the entire world. It was a freeing experience and though it did not resolve my body image issues, it did bring about a sense of adventure and a step into the unknown. It also allowed me to relate with hundreds of women and hopefully provide understanding with other women. Their comments truly made me smile. Their feedback was appreciated and it never left me, their words of positivity and wisdom.

I had my son at the young and impressionable age of 18. Back then media was worse than it is now. I was devastated to see the impact pregnancy and childbirth had on my body. I was a single parent , no visitation, nothing. Previous to that pregnancy I struggled with a major and almost deadly eating disorder. I was very small, underdeveloped. When I became pregnant I made the brave and selfless decision to devote every day to growing and making that little being as healthy as possible. For the first time, I ate and enjoyed meals. I gained a whopping 100 lbs. considering I was less than 100 prior to pregnancy, I gained a healthy weight and then a pregnancy weight. My son was born weighing in at 10.2.. I had major stitching, was hospitalized myself.

The years that followed were emotional not just with having a baby, but having a new and not improved (in my eyes) body, new relationships, new experiences at school. As my body shrunk back, I was left with thousands of stretch marks from arms to legs.. Deep and dark, lifeless breasts and a shredded stomach (not in a good way). I wore girdles , push up bras, I fake tanned, cream tanned, ran … I dedicated every ounce of my time to my body and what I thought could repair it, and my self esteem. I had relationships that failed, friendships that suffered and a lack of parenting found that I’ll never get back. I was receiving media messages that I could not filter. I had to be beautiful , I couldn’t afford it. What was I to do? My efforts in my own eyes were fruitless. Small improvements were made. Days were good, and then so low. I took photos of myself , I compared, I cried. I had sex with the lights off. I knew all the ways to conceal imperfections in moments that are meant to let go, be vulnerable. I had never been. I moved around , squirmed, sucked, tucked , rolled and mainly bent over for any intimate relationship. Imagining revealing my imperfections was mortifying. Imagining being abandoned for it was devastating, a nightmare.

Years later, I met my husband. This was after countless failed relationships. We met on a whim. An absolutely breath taking and handsome man. More than I could have imagined and a glowing loving personality that could not be beat. We fell in love. We made promises to help me become vulnerable. He was gentle and amazing and over the past four years of our marriage I have opened up more than I could have imagined. A man who loves me as I am. A year ago I had my daughter. The most beautiful creature I have ever seen, wild and gorgeous. My body minimally changed as I kept up my fitness in pregnancy and did yoga religiously (a huge passion of mine), but most of all I was grounded and loving and calm throughout my pregnancy. After having her I continued my fitness (which is much more to maintain my shape than for health) on a regular basis.

You know, I love my life, I love my husband but we live with more than just our children. We live with this angry other person in the room. Someone who tells me I am hideous and not good enough for my husband. That he deserves a woman with the perfect body, not me , used and destroyed …. I look back at my first pregnancy and I would do anything to go back and have more self restraint about food and knowledge about exercise. I ask why did this happen to me? Why did I get this body? Why do I work so hard to fix it all for nothing ? I see women in social media and the news and I cannot believe they have been so blessed with breasts and bodies and smiles and how were they dealt such an amazing hand ? I know I’ve read some stories here and then looked at the pictures and wondered , “what’s wrong with her !? She’s gorgeous!!” , but this is my personal fight and I try not to judge.

Body dysmorphic disorder is real. We don’t always see ourselves the way we are, or the way others do. I don’t have any answers. I have lots of questions and lots to learn. I feel always at the beginning of my body journey and nowhere near the end. I’m only here to bare all again and share and show and expose myself because it’s a tiny piece of my healing that I wish to share with you. I don’t wish you all to be cured in one day, I just hope like me, that you find small ways when and if you can on some days and moments in time to really be in the moment, as who you are , as you are feeling the wind or maybe the sun or maybe just observing what’s happening around you and that not every moment is spent with focus on what you are missing or what you want. Sometimes we have so much and we don’t notice until we stop time. All the best to you.

Baby Girl #2 (Sam)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 1 Comment

I lost over 80 lbs between pregnancies and kept it off. Weight gain is hard for me to accept and has been hard to deal with during this pregnancy, I know this baby is worth it. No matter what the media says I need to remember that I am beautiful and lucky to get to have another wonderful baby.

~Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: This is #2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 36 weeks along

My Story (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions 2 Comments

Growing up I wad never skinny. I’ve always been a little bit chunky. This stayed this same through my teens and inevitably into my pregnancy and beyond.

I fell pregnant at 19. Not planned. But I was happy. My pregnancy went smoothly. Absolutely no problems. It was a dream. Then on the 29th may 2011 just a mo th after my 20th birthday I went into labour. The day before my due date. My labour was everything first mums want it to be. I had my first contraction at 3.15pm. Although I thought I was having period cramps ?. I had my beautiful girl at 00.09am on the 30th of may. She was perfect. I had gained some extra weight during my pregnancy and went from a size 14 to an 18. I decided to breastfeed my daughter and successfully managed this for 19 months. But the one struggle I had through all of this was my tummy. The embarrassment of my tummy and stretch marks being seen in public. The friends I had with children had snapped back to pre child body’s. Mine did not. I felt like I had done something wrong. Until I started looking online. I realised that alot of mums don’t snap back. My beautiful daughter is now 4 years old. And even though I am still ‘overweight’ I am proud of my tummy. And even prouder of stretch marks. I carried a beautiful bundle inside me. And its a reminder to myself of the miracle my body produced. I will never be embarrassed by it again. And I will be wearing a bikini next summer. I was pregnant and gave birth. My body is nothing yo be ashamed of.

Disgusting Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 12 Comments

I’m 18 years old. I have a five week old baby and he’s amazing I love him so much and he’s just made my life completely amazing! I look at him and I’ve never felt so happy he’s is genuinely the most beautiful baby boy!

Then there’s another part of my life when I’m on my own and I just sit on the bathroom floor and sob at what I look and feel like postpartum. I still weigh the same as I did when I was pregnant, a 2.5/3stone bigger than before, at 12 1/2 stone. Throughout my teenage years I hated myself, I was so insecure always wearing loads of clothes and feeling depressed about it, at about 15/16 I started to feel better about myself as I started meeting boys etc, at 17 I met my partner and he made me feel great! I’ve never felt so comfortable with anyone and I love him so much! I started to be ok with my body and maybe even liked it! This for me is amazing, at 18 I got pregnant and when pregnant although I felt a bit fat I could take comfort in what my body was doing for my baby boy and be happy about it. But after pregnancy I kind of expected it to just go back to normal, but it really didn’t, I didn’t even really look at myself in the mirror that much before or when I was pregnant and now I feel like id taken my body for granted because now I can’t even look in the mirror without hearing horrible thoughts. ” your disgusting, look at how much saggy fat you can grab.” “You can’t go out looking like that, your going to embarrass him, your fat.”
And it’s true I’m sure i do embarrass him, my partner, sometimes he says things that make me feel so terrible. Nothing really intentionally horrible but just remarks that he Dosent see my side of. I feel like he thinks if he makes me feel bad then I’ll work harder but it dosent work like tht and I jut feel worse. When I feel like this I just can’t eat and then I feel a bit better and have something quite healthy but then I feel like this again and stop eating. I try to exercise but It jut feels pointless, it dosent seem to help atall.

I feel like just as I was started to like my body I ruined it. I had a saggy, fat, flabby belly, an unlimited amount of stretch marks of my belly, hips, breasts, legs and the ones on my belly carry on a lot further down that i would like to admit as well. My breasts are a a bit saggy and I’m just all around fatter, big thighs, bum, really big hips ect. I’m on 5″1 and I have 36GG breasts and massive hips, so you can imagine how kinda strange I must look already and how hard it was to dress how I thought was nice. Now I have no idea what to wear. I feel like wearing big hoodies and joggers but just can’t. I made the mistake Of trying on my size 12 pre pregnancy jeans and couldn’t get them past my thighs and this made me feel disgusting! I can now only wear leggings like when I was pregnant, before that I had never worn when before that as I thought they showed too much, too fitted I guess, now I have no idea how to dress. I look horrible in everything and I’m so scared that my partner thinks I’m disgusting too. Went to a primary school today and I saw all these really young women with two kids who looked so skinny and gorgeous and I was younger, I guess I felt like I was supposed to be the younger skinnier one. Yet I looked like this. It’s so hard to feel good, this voice is always there telling me how disgusting I am, I still feel shocked when I see how horrible my body looks.

I just want to feel okay again, get rid of these stretch marks and all this fat. I want to feel like my boyfriends attracted to me again. I want to feel like me again not this sorry excuse for a women .

My Story and Photos (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Postpartum Psychosis, Submissions 1 Comment

Age: 26
# of children: 5

Hello, I have found this site so uplifting the last few days as I am struggling with my weight, again, after baby #5. I married the love of my life and my best friend when I was 18. We are getting ready to celebrate 8 beautiful, amazing, exciting, hard, wisdom-building years together! We had our first child when I was 20, a boy. After he was born I started having serious issues and was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis (another thing rarely ever talked about.) This was the most difficult time of my life. A time that’s supposed to be magical and beautiful and full of happiness, instead was marred by grief and confusion and pain. Only with the saving grace of my Lord and Saviour JESUS CHRIST did my family and I make it through this. And for the first time in my life I questioned my calling of motherhood. All I’d ever wanted was to marry the love of my life and have LOTS of babies, and after the time we had with the first I thought surely I’d gotten it wrong. Well, as usual, God laughed (in love, of course), and gave me another and another and another and another. And so, in the space of a little over 5 years, my husband and I were abundantly blessed with 5 beautiful sons! Yes, that’s right, all boys. No, none of them are twins. Yes they are all ours together. Yes, I know what causes that (and I like it ;)) And yes, we could have our own basketball team! (These are questions I’m asked and comments that are made every time we leave our house.) At first, I really hated all the staring we got, but eventually I realized our family was a rarity, and a badge of honor. I’m starting to see my fat and my stretch marks and my grey hairs and my cellulite as badges of honor too. If it weren’t for this body, none of my mini-men would be here. And if it weren’t for my mental war after #1, I wouldn’t be able to stand tall and say, ‘after that I can do anything.’ Every single person on this earth needs to know that there are much much worse things than being fat or ugly or too skinny or bony or soft or whatever has you down. I’d much rather be fat than mean or angry or selfish. The hardest person to love is yourself, but look at those beautiful babies YOU created and know that they don’t see what you see. Your littles see momma’s kisses, momma’s hugs, momma’s comfort, momma’s love. Your babies see you through God’s eyes, they do not care about your outside, just as God does not. What matters is your heart.

These are pictures of me at 2 months postpartum with baby #5. #4 and #5 were born 10 months apart. I now have 5 under 6

God Bless