Before Pregnancy

Two months postpartum, if I ignore it, will it go away? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breastfeeding, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 19 Comments

A friend referred me to this site when I told her, in shock, that I couldn’t fit into any of my pre-pregnancy clothing. I guess I had assumed, having always been a rather thin girl, a model and a dancer, that I would somehow magically bounce back into pre-preggo shape right after birth, like the Hollywood stars do. But that’s obviously a myth, and I’m slowly learning to accept it.
A lot of my previously held illusions were shattered by pregnancy. I thought I would be “lucky” and escape the Stretch Mark Monster, but I didn’t. I thought I’d be healthy and not gain too much weight, but at 42 weeks, I was 170 lbs. I had started at 120 lbs. I thought my breast wouldn’t get too big, since I barely fit an A cup before pregnancy, but they’re grown and grown to the point where I think bigger isn’t better, even where boobs are concerned!
After my labor, I forced myself not to look at my body, because I knew that if I did, I would freak out. I thought to myself “maybe if I ignore it, by the time I look at it again, it’ll have gotten better”. Having taken these pictures of myself standing naked in the bathroom, I realize that I won’t be going back to who I was before. I had worked so hard to keep myself in picture-perfect shape, I had used all the lotions and potions to keep my skin smooth and young, and suddenly, everything about my appearance was totally out of my control. I think I didn’t let my husband see me naked until a week ago.
It’s been a long road and I know I have more healing to do, both inside and outside. I have to let go of my illusions of the “perfect hollywood body”. I have to accept that I am forever changed by my maternity, and that the new form I will gradually achieve is just as beautiful as the one I wore before. And when I look at my beautiful daughter, somehow, it doesn’t matter or hurt as much.



My First and Only So Far (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

On June 4th of 2008 God blessed me and my wonderful fiance with a beautiful baby girl!!! I weighed 114 going into my pregnancy and right before I had her I weighed 128… I didn’t have any stretched marks at all until the last week in pregnancy!!! I have a few purple ones on my sides and some white ones in the front… I am very worried that they won’t go away… I am trying everything… My boyfriend told me that I have all these beauty marks now from having our baby girl, and I am so beautiful!!! It makes me feel better, and also when I hold her I realize she was worth every mark on my belly!!! I am going to post some pics of before, during, and after I had her!!! 1) In this one I was living in Las Vegas, and I wasn’t preggers just yet! 2)In the 2nd and 3rd I am 5 and 8 months Preggers!!! 3) In the 4th my baby girl is here!!! 4) In the 5th I am one month pp… 5) Here I am now!!!








Irrational Jealousy and Blame (Jessica)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Piercing, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 28 Comments

I started back at work 5 weeks postpartum and let me tell you…nursing (the profession) and nursing (breastfeeding) don’t go well together! In a 14 hr day I had the chance to pump one (maybe 2) times. It’s not really the “chance” to. I have to make myself stop what I am doing and go. I literally have to choose whether to pump or eat. I do paper work while I pump so I don’t get behind. I told my husband that I hope he likes saggy boobs because what goes up must come down…and being engorged for 5 hrs straight is not helping the matter!

I haven’t really had postpartum depression but I had a good breakdown this week. I will probably sound nuts, but I’m going to share this anyways. Since I’ve had Natalie, 3 of my friends have had babies…2 were born on the same day in fact! All 3 were born vaginally and none of the mommies got stretch marks. Even though I was supposed to be so happy for them, I felt this jealousy deep down inside that I couldn’t control. It then turned into this thought that I wasn’t supposed to be a mother because back in the day (before csections) I would have died in childbirth.

Now, a logical person would be happy for csections because it allowed me and my child to live through a child birth that wouldn’t have taken place. But, no…I continued to feel this negative feeling. Then, I couldn’t help but to think it (the csection) was caused by them inducing me. It was their fault. A logical person would think it’s a good thing that they induced me because my amniotic fluid levels were low. But no…I thought “well, they wouldn’t have even known if they wouldn’t have done that ultrasound at 39 weeks…none of my other friends had one done that late.” I mean, here I am with a perfectly healthy child wishing they wouldn’t have checked my fluid levels! Doesnt that sound pretty much insane?? I mean, I was crying my eyes out.

I can only explain it like this…a man who can’t have children feels like he has no manhood. Part of my womanhood felt like it was taken away when the “took” her out of me. I wanted to push her out and give birth to her. I have yet to say that I gave birth to her. I grew her and nourished her but I wanted to birth her….and my body has the battle scars. It makes me feel like less of a woman, I guess. And yes, maybe next time…but there wouldn’t have been a next time back in the day. (That’s the thinking pattern right now, and I do realize that it’s not optimistic but feelings are feelings).

Here are some photos of me before, during, and after the pregnancy. I’m 7 weeks postpartum.










Updated here and here.

How Fast Things Change (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Complications in Pregnancy, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom, Toxemia 2 Comments

It’s amazing how fast your life can change. It can be a matter of minutes, hours, days, or like in my case a matter of 3 months. In may of 2005 I graduated high school, in June I turned 18, and in July I was married. Two weeks after I was married I found out we were pregnant. The first few weeks were fine, then I developed abnormal bleeding that required weekly visit to the hospital for blood work to make sure my HCG levels were rising normally. Around six weeks along, I had my first occurrence of morning sickness. To call it morning sickness is a joke, I had in morning, noon, and night; Everyday for three months. My fourth month the morning sickness vanished and in it’s place I had lots of energy. I felt great. The only problem I had now was family members assuring me, that since I had not gained what they thought was “normal” to be that far along, I should see my doctor to make sure I was still pregnant. They were not satisfied with the answer that I was visiting the doctor and received ultrasounds at all appointments. My sixth month I started having ringing in my ears , things would go black if I stood up to fast, and I was so swollen it was painful. My doctor didn’t think anything about this at first and it wasn’t until about 6 1/2 months that he noticed my blood pressure was abnormally high. I was admitted into the hospital and stayed for two weeks. I then convinced my doctor that with medicine and my husband by my side I would be more comfortable at home in my own bed. I was released with blood pressure med’s, orders to check my blood pressure 3 times a day, and complete bed rest. My doctor also explained to me at that time that I had protein build up in my urine and that my organs were not functioning the way they should anymore. He told me that to let the pregnancy progress any farther would be a danger to the baby and my health. I was scheduled for a cesarean that would come two weeks later. The day of the surgery/birth I was terrified. I was going to the hospital childless and pregnant and coming home not pregnant and with a child. The cesarean was one of the easiest things I had to deal with the whole pregnancy. I was taken back at 10 that morning and was up by 9 that night. At 6 the next morning I was walking around the hospital and could use the bathroom on my own. The nurses told me before that my daughter would probably be NICU. That was not the case, she came out small but healthy and screaming her arrival. When we were released 3 day later, the doctor told me she was in better health than me. I however was in denial about the weight from the pregnancy itself and having toxemia. I gained right at 100 lbs. I was shocked, to go from people saying they couldn’t believe I was pregnant to later being so swollen the nurses were giving me looks of pity. Two days after walking out of the hospital I had lost 50 lbs, and lost more slowly the following weeks…..I gained almost all of it back. I went from 130 lbs to 230 on delivery day, to and now I average around 165 -170 depending on the week of the month. I am not happy with it ( I still have a lot of body image issues!!!), but I am learning I can change it and accept myself at the same time ( I just tuck that loose skin in my jeans, LOL :P ). Here are pics of me now (standing up and laying down)2 years after, one around a month ( about 7 months along) before the delivery ( white shirt), and one at 4 weeks pregnant (red shirt). I have stretch marks from shoulders down, loose skin, and a beautiful daughter! When I first had my daughter I would think to myself, for all the stretch marks I have, my daughter has beautiful smooth baby soft skin. I think it was a even trade.






1 Year of Motherhood (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 16 Comments

I am 24 years old. My son just turned one year old! I am amazed by how quickly the time has passed… almost as amazed as I am by women’s bodies. I have always thought that pregnant women are beautiful, but after going through a pregnancy, I understand it on such a more personal level. I loved being pregnant and wish I could just be perpetually 7 months pregnant! I felt excellent, I have never received so many compliments at any other time in my life, it was awesome! Everyday was incredible… to be able to look down and see my baby moving from the outside, never ceased to amaze me. Of course, I am not the hugest fan of what pregnancy can do to a body. I started my pregnancy at 145 pounds. I gained 40 pounds while I was pregnant, which left me mind boggled because I did EVERYTHING right! Now I am a strong believer in the fact that pregnant bodies are going to gain what they need to sustain that little life, so we need not be so obsessed with it! My weight currently fluctuates between 145 and 148. Even though I lost the weight really quickly, I do not look the same. I have extra skin and fat pockets that were certainly not there before. I, thankfully, did not get any stretch marks during my pregnancy. I think that was God’s way of saying “I gave you enough stretch marks during puberty… you have had them for 8 years, you don’t need anymore.” :) Even though I do not have the “ideal body” I just look at my son and remember the miracle that I have created with this body. My body kept him safe and warm and helped him grow big and strong for 38 weeks and 5 days. My body has nourished him for his first year of life (and still going strong.) I know that I may not look like your average 24 year old, but I am not an average 24 year old… I am a mother! I am so proud to be a mother to (who I think is) the most beautiful little boy in the world and I would not trade that for the body of a supermodel, not in a million years. All of us mothers share a special bond with our children and with each other that no one else could ever understand. We should all be so proud of what our bodies have accomplished and never be ashamed of some extra skin, saggy breast, or stretch marks… those came from our children and we wouldn’t be the same people without them! (I have included photos of me at 4 weeks pregnant, 37 weeks pregnant, and now 1 year postpartum)






Ripened by Pregnancy (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Ectopic, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 13 Comments

Before I got pregnant I was a very petite person. I used to worry about whether I’d manage to “stay pretty” during pregnancy, keep my weight gain reasonable, avoid stretch marks, etc. But the first time I became pregnant, unfortunately, it was an ectopic and the diagnosis was missed. The pregnancy in my left fallopian tube ruptured, I lost my tube and very nearly my life. After that reality check, I didn’t care so much about having a beautiful pregnancy – I just wanted to have a healthy one, that I could carry to completion without dying. I conceived again only months after the surgery but had an early miscarriage. We started to think it just wasn’t going to happen. I have a vivid memory of lying on a hospital gurney holding my husband’s hand, sobbing, apologizing for my apparent inability to give him the thing I know he has always wanted so very much…a child. The first photo below was taken at 6 weeks pregnant, when it was confirmed that the third time’s a charm…we had an embryo in the uterus where it belonged. It was a miracle! The egg had come from my left ovary, where we could see the corpus luteum on ultrasound, and navigated all the way across and through the remaining right-side fallopian tube into the uterus. I took the picture to document my pre-pregnancy body, hoping that this time instead of suffering a loss I would actually get as big and round as a healthy pregnant woman should. The second photo was at 36.5 weeks, just barely before my boy arrived. I love the round fullness of every curve, even though it’s never going back the way it was before…the new softness of my body is proof that it can do what it’s supposed to. No matter whether it ever becomes firm or lean again, or whether my boobs droop halfway to my knees when we stop breastfeeding, my husband and I are both grateful for the gift of a son. I love what my body has finally achieved, and will wear its new colors and shapes with happiness.





New Mommy and Three Months Postpartum (Pam)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Hips, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Thyroid Issues 22 Comments

So i am a first time mother of a beautiful baby boy named Christian, and I’ve always struggled with body issues. My name is Pam and i am 3 1/2 months PP. Growing up i always had weight issues but once i was diagnosed at the age of 14 with Hashimoto’s Hypothyroiditis and heart palpitations i began taking medicine and the weight dropped off. Before getting pregnant i weighed 110 lbs and thought that i had areas to improve on, but really i didn’t. During my pregnancy i gained 60 lbs but really didn’t notice it until after i gave birth and looked at the pictures of me. I guess its something to do with the belly that makes you feel good in your own body. But after giving birth to a healthy 6.6 lb baby boy i found that i wasn’t that skinny girl anymore and i had terrible stretch marks ALL over my belly. It defintely hasn’t improved my self esteem issues but the way i see it i’d rather have stretch marks and be able to get that flat stomach back than not have stretch marks and have a floppy apron. So far in the past 3 months pp i have lost 33 lbs and and still going strong in the weight loss dept. I contribute the first 20 lbs to having postpartum baby blues. Unfortunately i didn’t take pictures of my belly right after birth, but i do have them so far at 3 months pp, and glad to say that if you do exercise it can get better. I know i have a ways to go (28 lbs left) but it can get better. As for the stretch marks, they are starting to fade but i see them as an accomplishment of my miracle that i was given. I will try to keep up with the pics of the weight loss. But by no means do i think i have the upper hand on anyone who’s had a baby and has to deal with the belly and stretch marks. I respect those who are willing to sacrifice the perfect body for a miracle.










…amazing… (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Hips, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

My Amazing Body

My body is certainly not the same as it was one year ago but in the last year it has done such an amazing thing. My body stretched to accommodate and make a 7lb 11oz baby. It fed him, kept him safe and warm, and grew his perfect healthy little body for me. After it was done with all of that it has made him the perfect food that he thrives and grows on now. How can I not love my body after all it has done? It added a few stretch marks, a little fat, some pounds that just won’t go away, and just a tad bit of extra skin. I love it anyway. Before becoming pregnant I was very unhappy with my body. I got stretch marks at puberty all over my butt and hip. My breasts were large and useless. I wore my first bikini after becoming underweight after an illness. This was the only time I loved my body. I only loved my body when it was unnaturally thin. I am now 30lbs larger and love my body again for all it has done. My body is simply amazing. My first picture is my 6wks pregnant belly, my before picture. My second picture is my 36wks pregnant belly and my third picture is my 4 months post pregnancy belly. The last picture is me, my son at 2 months old, and one of our cats.






3 Weeks Postpartum, First Pregnancy (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Hips, Piercing, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 20 Comments

Hi i am 16 and my son is 3 week old. When i found out i was pregnant i weighed 118, at the end of my pregnancy i was 170, Now i am back down to 140. I am almost happy with the way my belly looks, it looks a lot better than i thought it was going to. My belly size is almost back to the size it was before. But i still have loose skin when i sit down, and when i wear tight jeans my hips look pretty big. The other thing i am still working on is my stretch marks. I got them very bad. Also even tho my belly is almost back to the size it used to be, i am now in size 9 as i was in size 5 before pregnancy. Even tho i am a teen mom please don’t judge me. I know there are some girls who don’t know who the babys father is, or they don’t support their child at all. Well i am NOT one of those teens at all. I have been with the same guy 3 years. I took very good care of my self during my pregnancy, and now i have a healthy beautiful baby boy. I got lucky and i have a lot of help from my parents and my boyfriends parents. Every one is really supportive of us. I wouldn’t change anything for the world!!