Before Pregnancy

I’m not so sure I hate my body anymore (Nicole)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 15 Comments

~Your Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Currently 15 1/2 weeks PP (photos taken at 13 weeks PP)

I have struggled with my body image ever since I was a child. I remember, when I was in primary school, sucking in my stomach during swimming lessons so that it would be flatter than the other girls’ tummies (it’s a habit I have had ever since). In high school I developed severely disordered eating, accompanied by anxiety and depression, and battled my body and weight for a very long time.

5 years ago I met and then married an amazing man who thinks I am beautiful and tells me so often. I loved being pregnant – I was healthy, happy and have never felt so beautiful in my life! My stomach, long despised, was my pride and joy. I was pregnant in summer and would walk to the pool in my bikini.

I put on 15 kg (33lb) while I was pregnant. It was 38 weeks before I saw a stretch mark and when I found my first one (I got 4 or 5) I cried and cried. And then I realised – millions of women around the world have nowhere safe to give birth, no doctors or midwives or antenatal care, how dare I act like this is the end of the world??!!! I was horrified at my vanity. My husband thinks they’re cool. He says they make me look like a pirate. I’m not so sure but they’re growing on me.

Labour was surprising, quick and hard. My son was born naturally just over 4 hours after my waters broke, 3 days before his due date. I’ve been told I was ‘lucky’ but going from the odd prelabour Braxton-Hicks to full, active labour in minutes left me feeling like I had been hit by a truck, both during my labour and for weeks afterwards. I quietly envy my friends’ stories of relaxing in the bath between their contractions!

Postpartum, I had expected to look pregnant for months after delivery, but what my hungry little boy hasn’t sucked out I unfortunately seem to have lost in a distressing haze of postnatal anxiety. It’s nice to fit into my old clothes but I would rather be fatter and happier. My body’s landscape is completely different now– where once there was muscle and firmness there just seems to be softness all over the place. I jiggle when I wiggle. My butt, which I used to like, now just kind of sags and squishes around in my pants. My problem skin flared during pregnancy and again now as I’m breastfeeding. My poor breasts have succumbed to mastitis four times.

But in the end, when I stop for a moment to silence the negative voices, I am kind of in awe of my body. It grew and protected my baby for 9 months. It was strong enough to withstand the full force of labour without a single drug or stitch. It has fed and sustained my son entirely for nearly four months now. I look at my body and then across at my sleeping child – the most beautiful I have ever beheld – and realise that my body is amazing and I can’t wait to do it all again.

Updated here.

Fighting the Fear (Jessica)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 27 Comments

21
2 pregnancies, 1 birth
5 wks post partum

I found out I was pregnant when I was twenty years old, a week before my husband was set to deploy for iraq. I was pretty upset that he was going to be gone, and I would be alone. But i was partially pleased because he wouldn’t be here to see me get huge and, what i thought, unattractive. I’ve always been incredibly self conscious, never really felt I was attractive, so I was terrified what pregnancy would do to me. At first I felt gross. If you knew, you could tell i was pregnant, but to everyone else it just looked like I had a beer gut. I finally got the stage where I looked pretty darn pregnant. And I LOVED it. I felt SO beautiful. I was stretch mark free until thirty three weeks, &&than they came in droves. Still, I felt beautiful. My taut belly stretched tight over my little girl. I was constantly rubbing my tummy. My husband came back from Iraq in april, a month before the little girl was due. I was terrified of how he would see me. But I still felt beautiful. I loved walking around with my tummy out.
The last week of my pregnancy, I blew up like a balloon. I started retaining water, and my hips and thighs got stretch marks overnight. After my princess was born, i instantly felt… deflated, and jiggly. I had terrible tearing and couldn’t do anything physical for nearly a month. Today I am five weeks and three days.

I’ve got fifteen pounds of baby weight to lose. I don’t own a single pair of pants that fits. I was a size seven before the baby, and now, I’m borrowing my sisters size 12’s which are sometimes too tight.

I found out my husband cheated on me the day my daughter turned three weeks. It devastated me. I already felt terrible enough about the way I looked…. it just seemed to confirm the fact that the mess my body is now is really that disgusting. I have a hot mess of stretch marks, which I’m not terribly bothered by, I’m fair, and they’ll turn white soon enough. I just hate my body, and i don’t know if it will ever be even CLOSE to what it was before, which wasn’t all that much

The first picture is me before pregnancy.
The second is me 33wks pregnant. I felt the most beautiful there
The third is me &&my baby girl… SO worth it
The fourth is me 5 wks post partum. ugh
The fifth is a close up, stretch mark cental
The sixth is my big side

(Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 9 Comments

I am just about 6 months PP..

I did not gain but 20 pounds or so in my pregnancy (first and only so far..)
I found out I was pregnant at almost 9 weeks.. Delivered at 38..
And I must say it was the most amazing experience in my life.
Made it all the wawy through with out any pain medicine, and then at 10cm
I started to get a migraine (which I’ve been dealing with since I was about 5 years old)
I was trying to tough it out, but I was falling asleep during pushing, and pushed for about
3 hours.. And that’s when my nurse contacted my doctor to see what she wanted to do with me..
We both knew my birth plan was to delivery completely natural..
It came down to her giving me 15 more minutes otherwise she was going to have to change something..
My doctor advised my nurse to give me some pain meds to help me rest for a few minutes, had that for 30min-45min..
And I told her that I really didn’t want it anymore, she said I take it out and give you another 15 minutes to push,
if no baby, then we will try the vacuum or it’s going to be a c-section.. I thought to myself, I CAN DO THIS!
The nurse suggested trying to push lying on my side.. WORKED LIKE A CHARM! SHE POPPED right out!

On January 3, at 4:22p my beautiful baby girl, Brookelyn was born, and my husband was right at my side the whole time
helping me as much as he could.. He told me he was very impressed by me being so calm (he told me before
I gave birth that I was going to be screaming the whole time) Never snapped once! :P HAH

Within the month after I gave birth, ALL of my weight came off! I figured it was the breast feeding..
I breastfed till recently, and now it has stopped, I think that if I don’t start to work out, I may start to gain the weight back..
I was all belly, and didn’t start to show till about 6 months, so I got stretch marks all in the end of my pregnancy..
They are still a purply-redish color.. Seems like they are taking longer than most peoples to heal up..
Unless I am doing something wrong..?

Picture 1: Wedding day… (5.5 months or so)
Picture 2: 16 weeks pregnant
Picture 3: Another picture while pregnant (almost 8 months)
Picture 4: Pre pregnancy
Picture 5: Pre pregnancy
Picture 6: Pre pregnancy
Picture 7 & 8: Post pregnancy (5/6 months)

One Year Ago Today (Zahra)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breech Baby, Cesarean, Child Loss, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Tattoo 11 Comments

We found out we were pregnant with Rory 6 weeks after having a miscarriage. I know we were so blessed for it to happen so quickly. I was so excited to be pregnant and really focused on enjoying the pregnancy despite our concerns that we would lose another baby. I have always had to work very hard to maintain my weight, I was never one of those people who could eat whatever I wanted or just lay around. I was active my entire pregnancy and continued to jog up till the day I went into labor. I was not extremely indulgent, I never ate entire bags, boxes, or cartons of anything. In the 42 weeks I was pregnant, I gained 35 pounds, which I didn’t feel was too bad. I loved being pregnant and I loved my growing belly.

We had an amazing midwife and had full intentions of having a water birth at a free standing birth center. When they offered to give us a tour of the hospital “just in case” we declined because I was so sure that I was having my baby in the birth center why would I waste my time visiting the hospital?! Let’s just say thank God the Birth Center mandates preregistration at the hospital…

Shortly after returning home from a wedding on June 14, 2008, my water broke and regular contractions soon began. After 10 hours, my husband and I decided it was time to go to the birth center as we had an hour drive ahead of us, we did not want to go too early because they only have 3 birthing rooms and we knew they would send us home if I was not far enough along. When we arrived our midwife instructed 2 students to begin filling the tub while she checked me – that’s when I saw the look on her face. She said ” I have good news and bad news, the good news is you’re 7 cm dialated, the bad news is my finger is in your baby’s butt!”…I knew we would have to go to the hospital, that was that. In the long run, it was wonderful, the hospital was fine, the cesarean was no big deal, and we got to take home the greatest souvenir ever, our baby Rory.

I went home from the hospital 10 pounds heavier than when I went in…I gained 10 pounds of fluid, I went the entire pregnancy with not so much as a swollen finger and went home looking like the stay puff marshmallow man. Still I thought, no big deal, I was nursing and I ate well, so the weight would just fall off…right? Not quite, it stayed and stayed and did not budge, all my friends were back in their jeans in a few months and I was still wearing maternity pants 5 months pp…..finally, slowly but surely after I stopped nursing upon returning to work, it started to budge little by little. It’s still a struggle, I have to watch what I eat and work out 5-6 days a week, but I knew that would be the case. I firmly believe in the theory of 9 on and 9 off! Happy Birthday to my Muffin, I can’t believe it’s been a year. I am so amazed that my body produced him. He is the joy of my life, he makes me love my husband more and more. I pray that we will be blessed once again to give him a sibling. He amazes me every day!

1st pic 37 weeks pregnant, 2nd 5 days pp, 3rd 3 months before pregnancy, 4th-6th pic 1 year pp, 7th pic our family

~ Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 year

Rocking the Boat (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breech Baby, Cesarean, Complications During or After Birth, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Pregnant, Submissions 13 Comments

Rocking the boat (Anonymous)

My son is now 20 months old (I’m 27) and is the most AWESOME gift life has ever given me, aside from my husband, yet I am still having a hard time overcoming a tough bout of post-partum depression. Before the birth of my son, I was a super-fit triathlete, vivacious and die-hard optimist, fresh out of college and had just started my own small business. I had a clear plan for myself and my future and was having a ball being the single social butterfly. Suddenly everything changed. My future husband and I conceived our son after a mere 4 months of dating, but decided we were in it for the long haul and decided to marry when I was 7 months pregnant. Talk about a scary start!

My pregnancy was fairly normal, just NOTHING what I had expected! I always romanticized the idea of pregnancy, always assuming I would be at a place in my life where a baby would be the icing on the cake. This was hardly what I had planned! I decided that I wanted as natural a delivery as possible- we’re talking NO drugs, IVs, post-birth eye drops- the whole shabang! Unfortunately, my plans were dashed the day I went in for my 36 week checkup and found that my son was breech. Again, my plans were turned upside down. The natural delivery plan was shot to hell, but I tried to keep my chin up and go with the flow. I opted out of an external cephalic version to avoid the risk of early delivery and to see if my son would turn on his own. I tried everything I heard of to encourage him to turn in an attempt to salvage my birth plan. I tried shining a flashlight down my stomach to encourage him to follow the light, laying inverted on an ironing board,
diving into a pool, even moxibustion and accupuncture! My efforts were all in vain. I even held out on a scheduled c-section until a week past my due date just to see if during the last few days he might still turn. That was no easy task, considering I was still working up until the day before I gave birth, standing for 8 hours a day and having gained 60+ lbs!

Five days past my due date, my water broke early in the morning and I scampered into the bathroom as fluid rushed down my legs. I noticed that there was a funny color to the fluid and immediately thought of what it must be- meconium. Not a good sign. Even so, I was elated that I was able to experience a small bit of a normal labor and will always cherish those last few moments that I was alone with my son still inside me. Knowing that meconium could be inhaled by the baby and cause complications, we rushed to the hospital to begin the cesarean delivery I had so dreaded. I relished the feeling of contractions and welcomed them, and felt calm spread over me as I accepted the situation ahead.

The c-section was actually pretty easy and I surprised myself that I was so calm. I tried to ignore my feelings that the doctors were rushing too much, that they weren’t paying attention to me, that I was just another surgery that morning. The whole thing progressed like a well-oiled machine. There was no soft lighting, no spiritual music playing, no SOUL to the whole event. I just let the doctors do their thing as I laid down and tried to breathe normally as the epidural affected my diaphragm and lungs. I didn’t even recognize my husband when he sat down next to me and held my hand. I was shocked when I asked the doctors if they had started yet and they said,” Oh yeah! We’ve got a hold of his legs! Now there’s a big baby!” (At 9.5lbs, I should say so!) I saw my beautiful son and his bright pink face screeching for all the world to hear for a split second before he was whisked away. I don’t recall seeing him again for what seemed like hours. The drugs they gave me caused me to become violently ill and I vomited almost non-stop for several hours after the birth. I was so drugged up that I have almost no clear memory of the next few hours. Bonding with my son was a distant urge. I do recall being wheeled down to the NICU to see my son, and having to stop several times along the way to vomit. One stop was so violent that I felt a distinct POP in the stitches holding my stomach together. This didn’t seem to bother any of the doctors or nurses, despite the fact that the skin around the alleged POP was now bulging.

My son was being held in the NICU for reasons that remain unclear to me. They said that there was a concern over his circulation post-birth and they wanted to check out his heart (this really means that they wanted to use their fancy machines and keep any possible lawsuits at bay). My son was fine and they released him soon after, but I have no recollection of his homecoming. I do recall a nurse prodding me several times to get me to nurse him and finally threatening to give him formula if I didn’t liven up. I fought through the drugs and tried to nurse. Let me just say that overcoming two inverted nipples while on morphine was not the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Breastfeeding proved to be THE most challenging feat of my life! I summoned up every nursing consultant I could scrounge up before I left the hospital, and was given every tool and doo-dad to encourage breast feeding. My mother-in-law must have thought I was a total moron when it was nursing time and I whipped out my avalanche of tools! Despite about 4 bouts of mastitis, cracked and bleeding nipples, latching problems and SEVERE engorgement (A cup to a D+!), I managed to breastfeed for an entire year! If my hubby hadn’t prodded me along and given a mountain of support, I might have quit after two weeks. It was a NIGHTMARE. I didn’t know a single other mother who had such a hard time of it. Nobody could compare stories with me or even come close!

Overcoming the c-section was a cakewalk compared to the struggles I had breastfeeding. It was so painful I actually used my leftover pain meds for the c-section recovery to make it through a nursing session. Since my brand-new hubby was still in law school and studied all day and all night, I was pretty much on my own with the baby. I suffered such exhaustion that I would lay on the couch weeping and say that I just wanted to die. I was also concerned over the strange bulge on one side of my birth scar, as well as the deflated balloon I had for a belly and the 30+ lbs I still had to lose.

Even a year and a half later and only 5lbs away from my pre-baby weight (pretty darn good, right?) I still have a few body issues. What mom doesn’t? Mostly I am struggling with my sense of self, the identity I am remodelling and the new life I have. I try not to seem ungrateful for all the blessings I have in life, but at the same time I struggle to find the “old” me, if she even exists anymore. With such a tumultuous start to my marriage, an unplanned pregnancy, unwanted cesarean, troubles breastfeeding and now a diagnosis of a prolapsed uterus and possible hernia, it’s a wonder I can carry on a normal conversation! Things are actually a lot better than they sound here, but I still have tough days. Completing my first triathlon at 5 mos post-partum was a real boost for me and something I remain proud of. It’s good to know that I have family and a great husband I can count on, as well as the awesome advice and inspiration from strong women like you! Shape of a Mother ROCKS!!!

19 & Mommy 41 Weeks Pregnant and in Despair about PP Body (Ana)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 14 Comments

I’m nineteen and african american. I have always been slim built 5’6 140lbs. I never really worked out i just thought i was blessed with good genes…i am*was* the slimest person in my family..i come from a family of big hipped women..but anyway i made it through the first 6 months of my pregnancy without stretch mark and i woke up one morning and found one…then two now i have a belly full of them and all i can think is my body will never be the same..i wont be “sexy” anymore goodbye sexy boyshorts..hello granny panties..it haunts me being i am so young. my mother doesnt seem to understand and my fiance i dont think gets it he loves me just the way i am*so he says* but hes military and only sees me every few months when he’s not deployed…i feel like i will be lettin him down and other women who’s bodies arent disgusting like mine is sure to be shortly from now will intrest him more. I try not to think about it much but i am scheduled for an induction sunday [6/14] and though i look forward to the birth of my son..i dread how my body will look after. i know its vain but i cant help it. here are some pics of me ranging in order from six months until now. the last are pics of what i looked like before

Amanda

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 19 Comments

hello there. my name is amanda,i’m 23 years old. i thought i would send a quick note to go with the photos! my daughter is now 15 months old, she weighed 10 pds 9 oz ( healthy baby) i gained 70pds with her, i went up to 212 pds. i didnt have 1 strech mark till the last month of my pregnancy! i had a c-section after 27 hours of labour! so now after all the stretch marks, weight gain, and c-section, i now have skin the feels empty ( if that makes any sence) and it droops over top of my cesarian and i have a pooch :( i hate it.. so here’s some photos of before pregnancy, 12 weeks after haing my daughter to right to the date of today! so roughly 15 months after having amilya! i tried sending the pics other ways but my computer has a block on it for some reason! do wut u like with my pictures!

2nd Baby 12 weeks PP, I Hate My Body! (2nd Time Mom)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 14 Comments

I was 18 when I got pregnant with my first and gave birth when I was 19, and then when I had just turned 21 I became pregnant again, and Just gave birth in March. My baby is 12 weeks old. She weighed 8 lbs 2 oz I am breastfeeding and doing Wii Fit to try and get back in to shape but these stretch marks are very depressing!! At my highest pregnancy weight I was 192, and 2 weeks after I gave birth I was 158 and I have gained 10 lbs back so I am at about 168. My goal is to be 145, but that is a long term goal. It has taken a lot to submit this, so please be nice!

1st pic is pre pregnancy, about 6 months before.
2nd pic is the night I went in to labor with my 2nd
3rd pic is 2 days pp
4th pic is 12 weeks pp
5th is 12 weeks pp

~Your Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 4 pregnancies, 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: almost 3 years and 12 weeks

Perfect at Last! (Jen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

When I was younger I was naturally very thin and I hated my body. Then I gained weight and I hated my body. Then got healthy and I hated my body. Then at 26 I got pregnant and I discovered my body. In July of ’08 almost one year ago I gave natural birth to a 9lb 6oz little boy. I gained around 50lbs and since then have lost it. Now here I am with stretch marks on my bottom wrinkles on my belly, stretched out nipples; older, freckled, cellulite and spider veins everywhere (the photos aren’t picking most of this up) and I LOVE my body. I created life! I will get older and things will sag, things will wrinkle and stretch out even more. I will eventually turn to dust but my creations and what my body has made will live on and create even more life. To some I may be too scrawny, too flat chest or much more but to me I am perfect.

Our bodies really are temples. You only have one chance at this life and I don’t want to waste another moment obsessing about what has been and will always be a perfect body! I am not a model or an actress; I am not a doctor or a CEO; I am a mother and nothing can top that! After years of being self conscience about my entire being I have learned the hard way that being confidant in yourself and your flaws is what makes you feel and look beautiful.

-Pic #1 is 4 weeks pregnant
-Pic #2 is 40 weeks pregnant
-Pic #3 is 10 days postpartum
-Pic #4 & #5 is 9 months postpartum

32 Year Old Mom of 2 Boys (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 12 Comments

~Your Age: 32
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies, 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 boys ages 20 months and 5 months

At 5’7″, I weighed 145 lbs all through high school. I was all muscle, and on the cheerleading squad, and I thought I was so overweight. I went on fad diets, but nothing really worked. In college, I wasn’t
active at all anymore, and my weight crept up to 160, then higher and higher, until 2002, when at the age of 25 I went through a divorce. About a month after my divorce was final, I was at my highest weight,
225 lbs.

Over the next 5 years, I had success losing weight with Body for Life. However, I would always get to 180 lbs and be STUCK. After I gave up on Body for Life, I went back to 220 lbs. Miserable, I joined Weight
Watchers and over the next 5 months, I went back to 180 lbs. I was very excited to finally break the plateau, and then I surprisingly found out I got pregnant on my 30th birthday.

I had an easy pregnancy, but I gained 70 lbs. :( I was 250 exactly when I gave birth. I went back to Weight Watchers when my son was 5 days old. I had my heart on breastfeeding, but my son refused to
nurse because I was so engorged. I ended up becoming an EPer (exclusive pumper), and did so for 6 months. By then, I had lost all 70 lbs and was back to 180, and was excited to once again try and
break my 180-lb mark. Then, my milk supply dried up. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. My son was 6 months, his demand didn’t change, yet I couldn’t make any milk anymore. I took a pregnancy test
just in case. Surprise! I was pregnant again!

Rinse and repeat, seriously. I gained 70 lbs AGAIN, and was 250 when I gave birth. I was induced with my 1st baby, but my 2nd son came out on his own after the easiest birth ever. 6 hours of labor from
beginning to end, and 2 pushes. If I hadn’t chickened out and made it through the 3 hours I had the epidural, I could have birthed him at home in my tub (if it were legal in my state, which it is not). I was
up within 1 hour, and praise the Lord, he nursed like a champ.

Now we are 5 months postpartum, and I am once again nearing the 180 mark. I am so anxious, because I really do love the way I look in some ways. But I’m ready to try for the final time to become fit.
It’s so unknown though. My husband had a vasectomy 1 week ago, as we know we don’t want anymore children. It’s been so long since I’ve been under 180. I want to be around 140, but I have a lot of work
ahead of me. I am also really unhappy with my breasts. All of the pumping and nursing has taken a toll, and I am not opposed to getting a lift if (I mean, WHEN) I get to my ultimate goal weight.

My husband cannot keep his hands off of me. He loves my breasts and my butt. I am not a self-conscious person usually. When I go out, I feel sexy, and I love to feel sexy around my husband. But I know my
boys are going to be so active, and I want to be active with him. I love them so much, so absolutely. They are the best things that ever happened to me, and when I look at my body, I see them. I still look
at both of them with awe, and I always tell my husband, “I can’t believe we made them, and that they came from my body!” It is so amazing.

Wow, just writing all of that out made me feel so different about myself. Definitely more positive. I am a mother. This is my shape. I could look better, but my kids are healthy, happy, and the product
of a lot of hard work.

Thanks for letting me share my story!

1. 2003, 6 years before pregnancy, when I got to 180 for the first time.
2. Same as #1, just the back
3. 2 weeks before I gave birth to my 1st son (250 lbs)
4. 2 days before I gave birth to my 2nd son (250 lbs)
5. 1 hour after my 2nd son was born (230 lbs)
6. Same, from the side (230 lbs)
7. 6 weeks PP with #2 (about 210 lbs)
8-11. Today, 5 months PP (186 lbs)32