New Body, New Outlook (Anonymous)

I’m not being vain when I say that for the majority of my life I relied on my looks. Friends and boyfriends would always comment about how physically attractive I was and it didn’t take long before all I associated with being liked and accepted was being pretty & staying in shape. I prided myself in my slim figure that I never had to work at, my bleach blond hair, tan skin, etc. I tried relentlessly to do everything to make my appearance ‘perfect’. I wouldn’t even go to the gas station without having my hair done and make up on in fear of someone seeing the ‘real me’ instead of the image I had been trying to make myself. This sounds shallow, but I wasn’t. Having a wealthy parent with a drug addiction made my life a constant battle of trying to keep up appearances. With my family and myself. So even though on the outside, I looked like a girl that most girls would want to be, on the inside I was a lost mess.

I moved out of my parents house as soon as I possibly could and met my husband in my late teens/early twenties. We married and about two years later starting trying for a child. We became pregnant very soon and I could not have been more excited. When I found out I was having a girl, I cried I was so happy. I vowed to give her everything I never had. I wanted her to have a mother who lived for her and thats what I did. I was one of those crazy pregnant people who followed every rule to a tee. I stayed active during my pregnancy and gained a respectable 20 pounds. Everything was right on track and my daughter grew perfectly. At around 35 weeks I got my first stretch mark. I didn’t even consider it a possibility since no one in my entire family had ever had any. In the short amount of time between then and when I had her they multiplied and were awful. These weren’t the thin faded stretch marks I had gotten on my thighs during puberty, these were thick purple stretch marks directly on the front of my stomach. To say I took them gracefully would be a lie haha. I cried, I doubted my husband’s attraction for me… everything I knew about myself and felt confident about was being literally ripped to shreds. My husband was beyond awesome during the whole thing. He called them my ‘beauty marks’ from our sweet baby. And though there is nothing beautiful about them, I find it beautiful that my husband doesn’t see my stretch marks. He sees me, he sees our daughter, he sees the same person he married. The day I had my daughter was the best day of my entire life. I have never been so in love with anything. She is so beautiful, inside and out.

My body isn’t perfect anymore, my life isn’t perfect, and I’m finally okay with that. I’ve finally stopped trying to hide the imperfections. I have a child that I would die for and a relationship that is beautifully built, I don’t care what people think about any of it. The only thing I care about now is being a role model for my daughter. Teaching her that life is not a beauty contest. Giving her self esteem that isn’t reliant on looks but on what she can do as a person. Teaching her to be giving and graceful, honest and hard working, self assured and compassionate. I never want my daughter to see me look at my life or my body negatively, because I never want to see her do the same. My body created the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I feel guilty if I feel anything but thankful for that. I still have ups and downs, days where I feel less than thrilled about what I see in the mirror, but I think everyone does. We took our first trip as a family to the beach and I strutted around in a bikini like I did before the marks and the baby weight. And you know what I realized… i had more fun. I had so much more fun playing with my husband and daughter than I ever did trying to look perfect laying on the beach.

Pictures: all 4-5 month pp

~Age: 24
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 6 months

Updated here.

8 thoughts on “New Body, New Outlook (Anonymous)

  • Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 9:35 am

    I think you look perfect. Your post is positively inspiring :)

  • Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 9:46 am

    Your stomach looks amazing for being 6 months PP! Good job!The stretch marks don’t even look that bad and they will fad over time!
    I am really inspired by your attitude. It is hard for girls that were skinny to go through such drastic changes. I have really had to let go of the idea that I should look perfect. I want to be a good role model for my daughter just like you stated in your post! Thank you!!

  • Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Your ONLY 6 months pp- those purples will turn translucent – they will be beautiful! give it a bit longer. mine looked MUCH worse (search blessed and tortured) i didnt take pics this soon i was too ashamed. – you look great! congrats on a happy healthy baby!

  • Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Thank you ladies! Today was one of those negative days. I was going through clothes to donate and putting all those (what now look like miniature haha) sizes out really did a number on my mood. I came to the place where I know women are dealing with what I am & bam, there was my post! Anyways, you ladies helped put it all back in perspective, kiss my daughter, and for lack of better words…get the heck over it haha:)
    And Amber, thank you! I’m a frequent visitor of the site & have followed all your posts:) You look absolutely amazing!

  • Friday, September 7, 2012 at 8:10 am

    Wow! You look great! Everyone is right, the marks will fade. And while you are correct when you say they are not not beautiful, they are normal as normal can be. Nearly everyone has them, they are neither beautiful nor ugly, just regular ol’ stretchies. You look gorgeous and your tummy is really cute and flat.

  • Saturday, September 8, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    I genuinely find your stretch marks to be both beautiful and attractive.

  • Tuesday, September 18, 2012 at 10:00 pm

    Great story!! Very inspiring. Thx for sharing. I have two kids, one boy and one girl. I tell my son who gave me 99% of marks that he was such a wildman he was scratching to get out.. He laughs so hard its really cute they dont even notice our imperfections. They are just happy to have a loving mom who is there every step every day.. Im sure your daughter will grow up knowing the same. Motherhood has a way of growing us all up.. We have to get out of the thoughts that pregnancy stretch marks have ruined us. Imagine our kids hearing us say something so aweful. we all need to learn from this great gal’s story and encourage each other. Life and happiness is more then what we look like in the outside. Blessings to you and your sweet girl..

  • Friday, September 21, 2012 at 10:44 am

    Girl seriously you look fabulous…you have a figure any mother would be jealous of,and you still have great boobs…dear lord mine looked GREAT while i was preggo than shrank back down to my humble B’s! lol oh should be happy with how you look and definately strut your stuff still!

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