Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

Minnie Driver – “Podgy and fat” and completely awesome.

Bonnie (SOAM) Body Image, Celebrity Beautiful, Link, My Own Ramblings 3 Comments

A reader sent me this article a few weeks ago now and I’ve only just now gotten to read it. How refreshing! Thank you, Minnie Driver!

I think it must be very hard to be a celebrity mom these days. If we feel watched after our babies are born, I can only imagine how they feel with tabloids stalking them for any chance to bring them down a peg. I hope Minnie’s words are heard by other moms – celebrity and not – and I hope they follow suit, it’s a trend we can use!

And thank you, Melissa, for the heads-up!

Me after 3 (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 4 Comments

at age 18 i was 98lbs then i find out i was pregnant at age 19 i had a beautiful lil boy after giving birth i was up to 200lbs,it took a long time for my to lose weight i got back down to 120 then at age 22 i find out again i was going to have another baby that took me up to 165 went down to 115 and once again i was pregnant at 24 i had her in march 2006 and this is what my body looks like…….but my boyfriend excepts it and he loves me so thats all i need!!!





5 Months PP with Hypothyroidism (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Thyroid Issues 28 Comments

I had my daughter 3 months before I turned 21. She is the first for both me and my husband. I was 250 before i got pregnant. I was 274 the day i had her and dropped back to 250 the day she was born. I thought i looked pretty good 1 week post partum. Over the next few weeks… months.. I kept gaining weight. I couldnt figure out why because I was breastfeeding and eating the same as before i got pregnant… Actually better because there was no money for going out to eat. They did multiple tests and discovered i had hypothyroidism. In the 5 months since i had my daughter i gained 60 pounds and weighed 310 pounds. I am completely disgusted with myself and the way my body looks. I’ve looked at all of the other moms and it makes me feel like im not alone but it certainly doesnt make me feel better about me. Now that im on medication for the hypothyroidism i lost 14 pounds in a week not doing anything differently. Im not even breastfeeding anymore. Its obvious that its going to take time and obvious that the meds are working. I just have to learn to accept myself for the way i am now with the hope that one day i’ll get to where i WANT to be! the first 2 pictures are a few months before i got pregnant. The second 2 are the day before i gave birth. the fifth is one week post partum. the next few are from today at 5 and a half months Post partum… Front and side views both normal and when i suck it in.. I’ve also got the saggy boobs which also have bright red stretchies on them. the last is my sweet daughter who is certainly worth it all :)



You think you sag… ppppllzzz. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 43 Comments

this is me bending down…I am only 21 years old…my body was very beautiful before… i’ve lost 110 lbs..i have no fat in my body just lots of hanging skin that tortures me every time i look in teh mirror. I’m almost numb from it becuase i don’t beleive i really look like that… I love my baby more then anything in the world and I would yes definatley go through all of this again with the same outcome to have her..but COME on who can look at me and say plastic surgery would be selfish..too bad I can not afford it and probably will never be able to afford it..so I have no choice but to accept this body as I’m sure the majority of mothers can’t. So i live with it every day and will keep doing so … i will spend my wedding night with a top on.. i will look really great in clothes and have a secret underneath them everywhere I go. I wish I had help financially to to fix this..but ya know what..my body is healthy it works well..it keeps me alive every day so i can be there for my baby and beleive it or not i still thank God every day that I have my health and that I made a healthy child. It’s okay to not be 100% happy with what your body looks like.. but just appreciate what is underneath at the same time. I lost all my baby weight..and this was what I got.. so it’s not all about weight out there just so ya know… Honestly though, If it were not for my immense love and appreciation for my daughter I don’t know how I would handle this at all… cuz it’s an ongoing struggle..I see beauty in it..and I see ugliness.. Honestly though if it were not for my immense love and appreciation for my baby I don’t know how I would deal with this..it seems to be my only way to deal with because I am just so happy to wake up everyday knowing I have the most precious gift in the world..i send my love and prayers to all you moms and let you know your not alone out there..it;s okay to not be perfect and to have flaws becuase every one does..







Thank you! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Body Image, First Pregnancy, No Photos (Story Only), Submissions 1 Comment

I am so very thankful for your website. I have no pictures right now, just some thoughts to share. I stumbled upon your site today, 5 months after the birth of my beautiful, amazing daughter, Paige. I never thought of myself as a vain person, or as someone overly concerned with my looks. Recently, though, my post pregnancy body has occupied many of my thoughts. I had a happy, healthy pregnancy and delivery. I gained 36 pounds.. went from 125 to 161 pounds. I am currently about 142. I don’t know why I assumed it all would come off, maybe because I read so much stuff online from people who say it fell off in a few weeks. I am now learning to accept my body the way it is, but it’s difficult knowing that I can eat right and exercise, but this is me now. I know over time it will improve. Some people say I am lucky. My weight gain wasn’t excessive, and I never did get a single stretch mark.I do still have the dark line, quite a little pooch, and a red scar from the c section incision. I know I need to look at the positive. I have a husband who loves me just the way I am. I know in my heart that the wonderful child I have makes everything worth it, even if I had a million stretch marks and 100 more pounds. She is the greatest gift I have ever been given.

Body Image, Bulimia, and a Beautiful Baby Boy (Katie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Belly, Breast or Body Art, Body Image, Breastfeeding, Breasts, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 15 Comments

I struggled with my weight all my life. I struggled with a viscous eating disorder that ruled my every moment, and nearly killed me. I was 106 pounds, and had no menstrual cycle to speak of, fainting spells, seizures, ulcers, and heart problems. Eventually I got more confident, thanks to my (now) husband, and started getting healthy. I got to 120 pounds, started ovulating again, stopped drinking, and got happy. After 3 years together, he asked me to marry him. Shortly after that, we got pregnant. Getting pregnant with my baby boy was the most miraculous thing to me. As a teenager, I had a miscarriage. I was not in a place in my life where I could have handled parenthood. I was irresposible, immature, and unhealthy. Regardless, that was MY baby, and it was gone. I was haunted for years about the baby that might have been. I was devastated. when we got pregnant, I was so afraid that it could happen again. My mother had 6 miscarriages before she got pregnant with me. I threw out any lingering eating habits that threatened my child, and put my baby above all else. I had gotten healthy and my binging/purging had mellowed out, but I was still trapped in the cycle. As soon as i knew I was pregnant, however, I threw a wheel in the gears and stomped on the brakes. Part of letting that go was eating frequently, and being comfortable with food because it was for my son. I snacked almost constantly, and refused to let myself throw up. after that many years, it was a hard thing. It was a shock, I had a few panic attacks, and a few crying fits. But i was adamant. It was all in the name of my baby, and that gave me all the strength I needed. I was five months pregnant when we were married. we had to set the wedding ahead, because my great big beautiful belly was so big doctors first thought i was having twins. I gained over 70 pounds during my pregnancy. I went from 120, to 190 the day I gave birth to my beautiful boy. He was my miracle, and every tiny inch of his perfect little life was worth every pound I gained and more. After he was born, I lost 30 pounds almost right away. between hormones, breast feeding, and lack of appetite, they just melted off. But once I got stronger and more active, the weight just stopped going away. my clothes stopped getting looser. It just slowed to a halt. I was upset at first, and in denial. During pregnancy I had been able to snuff my insecurities with my confidence that my body knew exactly what it was doing. I guess I just expected my body to take care of it, and when It didn’t I didn’t know how to handle it. I held as hard as I could to my new found confidence in my figure, and how it had all been for an amazing cause, and there was absolutely no reason to fret at all about my body image. However, bit by bit, I couldn’t help feeling self conscious with my deflated figure, and became really depressed. I realised later that I became self concious and embarrased with my body when we got television. Every bony hip, flat tummy and twig-like appendage beat down my confidence and love for myself. Then, I found this site. I felt embarrassed then. Not for my body, but for ever having sold my soul to the ideals of a SOCIETY with an eating disorder. This whole country, and the entire nations media, has an eating disorder. I feel ashamed that I ever let that influence creep back into my life. I have an amazing, beautiful son who is so smart and happy and loving. I have a great husband, who is nurturing and strong where I am not. I have an amazing family, I LOVE my life, and I vow to never, ever ever put any pressure on food, body image, or that hunger for approval in my children or my own life. I read that article “save our daughters” and all I have to say is if I can protect my family from every “suck in your gut” i will forever be grateful-and all i can hope is that i can raise my children with more strength of character than I had.









Updated here.

Bed Rest After Childbirth / 8 to 14 in a Year (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Surgical Scar (Non-Cesarean) 16 Comments

I had a diffcult pregnancy to begin with where I gained 45 lbs. The birth was worse. 23 hours in labor pushing for 32 minutes before they realized he was stuck. Tried to move him manually (oh by the way the epidural didnt take all the way) causing me to jump and slam my back off the deliever table resoluting in two large herniated disc that the doctors didnt dignoise till 6 months later. so needless to say i’m not able to work it off i’m not even able to lift my baby boy and it tears me up every single day sometimes three times a day!!!! i hate my body i hate myself!!!!








Downtime

Bonnie (SOAM) News 2 Comments

The server this site is on had some big issues over the weekend and the blog went kaput. Between that and my own computer issues (really, sometimes technology makes me want to crawl into bed and never leave) I was not able to alert my webhost until this morning and they fixed it right away. Sorry about that – should be fixed now and I hope to get back to a routine here soon.

My thoughts on being a plus-size mom to be (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Infertility, Plus-Sized Mom, Pregnant, Reader's Favorite, Submissions 67 Comments

I have been overweight my whole entire life. I always joke that the “thinnest” Ive ever been was at birth – 6 lbs. Funny, but true. At one point, I got up over 400 lbs. Then I made a decision that changed my life completely. I had lap-band weight loss surgery in Dec. 2005. The surgery has been amazing… I would have never been able to lose weight like I have without it. Ive had no complications and would definitely reccomend it to anyone that is seriously obese. However, it comes with its own set of rules and guidelines, you have to work hard and youre definitely not taking “the easy way out”, like some people say the surgery is. If you thought dieting was hard, this is just as hard, if not harder, even. Because of the lap band surgery I lost over 100 lbs., reaching my first goal of getting below 300 lbs. In Jan. 2008, my period didnt show up on time and on a whim I took a pregnancy test. I couldnt believe it, TWO LINES! I was pregnant. So many doctors for so long had told me that I would NEVER be able to get pregnant being so morbidly obese. I had basically thought I would never be a mom… that it would take me years and years to lose the weight I needed to be considered “healthy”. Id been sexually active for years – and Ill admit, sometimes ‘careful’ and sometimes not, and never gotten pregnant. I didnt think I could. But something must of changed, because here we were… pregnant. My dream had finally become true. I am now 7 months pregnant, expecting a baby boy in mid September. I have only gained about 15 lbs. throughout my pregnancy (11 in one month, unfortunately – right as I hit my 3rd trimester.) Ive had no complications with my lap band with my pregnancy… and have actually had few complications with the pregnancy as a whole; heartburn, constipation, acid reflux and being tired all the time, as most pregnant women tend to be. However, I have come to notice that my pregnancy is very different than that of all my friends. Sure, we have the same common complaints, but at the same time they are still very different than me. I look at them and envy them sometimes… wishing I could just be “normal”. I have wanted this baby for so very long, I want the full-on experience; all the aches and pains… the water break in the checkout line at Walmart… I want to feel the pain of the contractions (just til the epidural kicks in! Im not THAT crazy!) I just want it… all. I am still so amazed that my body is doing this… that Im finally pregnant… that Im getting what Ive always wanted. So really and truly I dont have much to complain about. And I try not to compare myself to my friends, and girls I see at the doctor’s office, random girls I pass at the grocery store. But at the same time, its gets to me sometimes. See… they are all on the thinner side and you can see their bodies changing shape, see them gaining weight, obviously tell they are pregnant. They get measured when they go to the doctor… they complain about stretchmarks and clothes that dont fit. (ha! the story of my life!!!) They get to wear cute little shirts that accentuate their bumps. People are constantly asking them about their pregnancy and touching their bellies. But with me… well… My baby is nestled down inside a slighty more tubby tummy, so I still just look fat and like Im gaining weight again… Its hard to find his heartbeat sometimes because of my “extra padding”, so everytime I go to the doctors its like playing marco/polo to try and find it… Ive had 4-5 sonograms to make sure everything is going well, since its hard to see/tell from the outside. I have another sonogram July 10th to check on his size, since you cant really tell manually because I am bigger… I dont have the “baby bump” that everyone is always talking about… its more like a “baby mountain”, actually… Cute “plus-size maternity” clothes are basically non-existant… so Ive spent much of my pregnancy in sweatpants, how charming… The stretchmarks I have are a result of too much ice cream years ago – not from my growing son… Jose, my mom and I are the only ones that have felt him move – as its so faint sometimes, since I carry the extra weight around him… People cant really tell Im pregnant just by looking at me… so I dont get that random conversation in the baby department at Target… This has driven me to tears at time… because I am so happy and bursting with joy that I want to just shout from the rooftops, “IM PREGNANT!” I want to tell everyone my secret!!! I want to see other preggo’s and other mom’s out and about and share that soft smile with each other… its like belonging to a super secret club, wheres MY membership!? I want random strangers to come up and rub my belly!!! (Ok maybe not so much on that last one, but still!!!) But then I remember that Im HAPPY. Im HEALTHY. My son is growing right on track, doing all the things he is supposed to be doing, developing the way he should… and Im PREGNANT, despite the odds. And its then that I realize that Im being petty and foolish and that things could be much worse. I suck it up and realize this…. those that know me, are close to me, and love me – know that Im expecting. They know Im so happy to finally be a mommy. They are the ones that matter. The playful kicks I feel from my son are a reminder that I am never alone… it doesnt matter if anyone else feels them or not. His daddy loves me unconditionally, doesnt care what size I am, and rubs my belly every night before bed. When I start thinking about all these things, I feel a little better about being a “plus-size mom”… and so Ive come up with this; Its nice to know that my body, overweight as it is, is still doing exactly what its supposed to… providing a warm safe haven for my little one to grow in… My breasts might be on the saggy side, and covered in long-faded stretch marks, but they will work just the same, to feed and nourish my son. My fleshy arms will cushion him, hold him as he sleeps, and provide endless hugs thoughout his lifetime. My flabby thighs will provide a place for him to lay on, a lap to sit on, a knee to bounce him on. I know that may be a “larger-scale” mom, but I am a MOM, none-the-less… and Ive come to understand that no matter the size of your body, it is the size of your love for your child that really and truly matters most.