Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

Marks of Life (Shi)

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, Body Image, Collaborative, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 1 Comment

~Your Age: 25
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 at time of writing this, currently now have three!
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: at the time my boys were 2.5 and 1 month old. They are now almost 5, 2.5, and 7months

I wrote this back when you had a post about writing a letter to your body. I had sat down and let my feeling flow, and this is what I ended up with. I hadn’t posted this, since it was written only for me and was privet but found it recently and re-reading actually made me tear up. I am now a Mommy to three boys, and I love my body and all the marks of life it holds. I thought some might benefit from reading this :) I am a Mommy, and I look like one!

Dear Body,

Wow, this is a really great idea, something that almost anyone I know would likely tell me I DON’T need to do, that I am one of the “lucky few”, that having to even think of doing this is beyond ridiculous. But I am human, and no matter how perfect I may seem to someone else, we women are always able to see any and all flaws. Its funny that I make excuses for why others look worse, or that they look that way, but I never should have…I didn’t have too. I do try so hard, and I DO love you body, your beautiful, I love your shape, and you have done amazing things for me. Those two boys you nurtured are the most precious things in my life. Its funny that I KNOW I have a lot less marks than most people, and that I don’t have that extra skin, or extra fat, but every now and then thoughts will creep into my head about how I WOULDN’T have them if I’d only taken better care, exercised MORE (How the heck can a pregnant Mom of a toddler exercise MORE that 3 times a week!!) I SHOULDN’T have ate so much at the end in fear of not being able to Home Birth because my baby was small, I should have LOADED that oil on like I did the first time, how silly of me.

The worst part of all is that one single skinny, stretch mark free person can take all the pride I have put into my marks, and challenge it. I LOVE them, they are like an art to me, a scar to remember something amazing, and yet every now and then I can see one picture of one person, and my heart will sink…I WAS that person, I could STILL be that person. The stupid thing is I AM that beautiful Mom, I do have that great post babies body, I look amazing….but somehow I look in the mirror and compare it to society’s “perfect” that was staring at me in that picture.

Why did I put so so much pride after my first baby in the fact that I was tiny AND mark free???? How is that something to hold so much PRIDE in???? SO WHAT if the guys could look at me at the beach, and never know I had a baby….with MY body people can look at me at the beach and KNOW that I have babies…and I still look good!!! I have my man, and I have my babies, and I am NOT looking to attract more shallow men to stare at my sexy figure. I AM A MOMMY, I am striving to have my BABIES stare at me in awe!!! I want my husband and my kids to be attracted to ME, to my love, to my devotion, to my life. How is some random person thinking for a random moment that “wow, she didn’t get any stretch marks” some how a greater reward that my SON, and my HUSBAND running their hands over my life marks, and looking in awe at a map that shows the amazing road I have traveled, the amazing things I have done, the love that I shared when I shared my body with another human, a precious baby, to nourish them, and to give them LIFE, how could I NOT have wanted some outward sign to cherish these moments?

I have two wonderful, giggling, amazing boys, I have a husband who loves me and says to me that my marks “remind me of how much you sacrificed for our family”, he can look at my naked form, and remember each time that great big belly so full of life and love, and remember the moments I nourished our little ones in our womb. Why would I prefer that he be able to look at me for the remainder of my years and remember NOTHING of that time, or have no “motherly, womanly” features to admire, but rather to just see a hot wife, who didn’t change even while giving birth to two of his sons? He loves it, as do I, and when I question this, it actually hurts deep in my soul, like the greatest cheat I have even done to my own life.

I know that I love them, it is only the pictures of naked scar free, post baby bellies that makes me wince, and feel jealousy for a small amount of time. I can proudly walk the swimming pool with my two boys by my side, in my bikini with my marks for all to see, then suddenly a day later, I can see a picture, and wonder if maybe I am wrong, and I should buy a more covering suit, and hide these marks that some may think are a deep imperfection, and a flaw that occurred in my flesh. HOW MUCH MORE WRONG COULD THOSE THOUGHTS BE!!!!!?????? How much more right I was when I was proudly wearing my real, home made, beautiful tattoos. Women will mark with ink their tribute to their child on their bodies. They find it beautiful to permanently etch in a name with a cold, vibrating little knife. I HOLD MY BABIES TRIBUTE DEEP IN MY SKIN, beyond the surface layer, with nothing fake, phony, or cheap. I hold the map of their entry into existence. I hold a map of my journey from one child to desperation for another, and agony, and tears, and prayer after prayer. And then these little lines appeared, this little piece of “Baby art” was drawn about my belly, as that child I longed for, I prayed for, and I agonized for grew, and grew, and grew, as God fulfilled each one of his deep promises to me and as i lived in awe and unending gratefulness, and as he etched within my body, onto my womb which held these children, a sign that will never disappear, some marks that will be with me for the rest of my days, amazing, beautiful, pieces of my soul, shown right there, in that place where these miracles took place.

Would I ever go back and change a thing? You better believe….not a chance. They are as precious as the family they describe.

Februrary 24, 2008.

19 & Mommy 41 Weeks Pregnant and in Despair about PP Body (Ana)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 14 Comments

I’m nineteen and african american. I have always been slim built 5’6 140lbs. I never really worked out i just thought i was blessed with good genes…i am*was* the slimest person in my family..i come from a family of big hipped women..but anyway i made it through the first 6 months of my pregnancy without stretch mark and i woke up one morning and found one…then two now i have a belly full of them and all i can think is my body will never be the same..i wont be “sexy” anymore goodbye sexy boyshorts..hello granny panties..it haunts me being i am so young. my mother doesnt seem to understand and my fiance i dont think gets it he loves me just the way i am*so he says* but hes military and only sees me every few months when he’s not deployed…i feel like i will be lettin him down and other women who’s bodies arent disgusting like mine is sure to be shortly from now will intrest him more. I try not to think about it much but i am scheduled for an induction sunday [6/14] and though i look forward to the birth of my son..i dread how my body will look after. i know its vain but i cant help it. here are some pics of me ranging in order from six months until now. the last are pics of what i looked like before

Slowly Gaining Self-Acceptance (Becc)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 5 Comments

I am 23 and have 2 beautiful boys. My eldest is 6 and my youngest is 10 months. I have always been a larger shaped women and with a husband my height, my body issues have been hard to deal with, knowing we are around the same weight. After having my youngest, I feel as if I have turned into a blob. My belly looks like a jellyfish has begun to house on it and I have the biggest apron. I had a c-section with my youngest which I wasn’t expecting. I know I need to exercise more but I don’t feel up to it when I have body issues. When I feel great and sexy, for some reason, I want to exercise and feel even better. When I am having a fat day, i just want to wallow. I feel better after finding this website and finding out that women feel the same way as me. I just want to accept me and feel great to be me. I have the 2 healthiest boys in the world, why can that not be enough??? I feel selfish and harsh for wanting more. Here is a photo of me taken today.

21 Year Old Who Feels Inadequate in Her New Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 19 Comments

When I got pregnant, we definitely were not planning it. I had got pregnant several months before our planned wedding date and as a result we pushed the wedding date way up and I was 3 months pregnant on my wedding day. I am still so ashamed that it happened that way. As a result, it was extremely hard, everything in the first year was so rushed, but I am so blessed that my husband endured it all with me and we came out on the other side. We were given a gorgeous baby boy, whom never ceases to amaze me. God has blessed us so much.

Now, that being said and done…I love being a mother, but after giving birth I really fell into a deep hole of depression regarding my body. I felt so disgusting, and unseen. It was like the world kept moving but I didn’t. I was fine the first month or so but then I hit a wall. I thought losing the weight wouldn’t be that difficult. I mean, I’m young, and most people I know my age that were my size were able to lose it fairly quickly…well, I wasn’t so lucky I guess. I had started out weighing 135 (5′ 10″ tall) and by the end of the pregnancy weighed in at a whopping 187 lbs. After I gave birth to my 8lb. 1oz., 20 in. baby boy, I lost about 20 lbs immediately, in the two weeks. I was pretty excited about that, but little did I know in the next 4 months I wouldn’t lose anything more. I even joined a gym and started working out 2 months after he was born, 2 days a week…and I mean pretty hardcore working out. I lost nothing. I got off birth control and lost 5 lbs. Since then I haven’t lost anything. It seems like no matter what I do, I can’t possibly lose another pound. It’s just hard feeling like what you want more than anything is unreachable. So if anyone has any encouragement for plateauing I’d deeply appreciate it. I just feel alone, this is my first child. It should be easier…

So, yeah…I’m working on myself. Trying to accept myself exactly the way I am, but It’s so hard. I don’t believe my husband when he tells me I’m beautiful. I feel like he’s watching all the other women out there who aren’t huge like me. I’ve officially become paranoid, and trust me I know this is unhealthy…so I’m posting on here because this site has been such an inspiration to me…and any kind words would help me realize that I am not as alone as I feel like I am. So does anyone out there identify with how I feel? OH and I must warn you…most of my baby weight went straight to my hips, butt, and legs. That’s where my genetics like them. haha and I also got stretch marks everywhere on my body…especially my belly and breasts. My stomach has a freaken basket weave texture now…and since my breasts went from a 34A to a 36C, I have what looks like sun rays coming out of them. haha

pic 1 …4 days overdue
pic 2-5…4 months postpardum

A Stolen Photograph (I Refuse to be Ashamed)

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, Body Image, My Own Ramblings, News, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement 64 Comments

I was alerted to a certain anti-stretch mark article tonight by reader Sara. The author of this article had the gall to break copyright laws and steal my photograph of myself and my baby son which has been featured on this website for nearly three years. I have politely asked her to remove it.

I will not be linking to this article because I do not want them to benefit from the traffic a link would provide – also because I would prefer this end here rather than become some drawn-out internet soap opera. But this has given me an opportunity to write about something which has been on my mind for awhile. Namely the power we let society have over our esteem.

I am a fat woman. For the longest time, I was ashamed of that and felt that I was unworthy of good things in life – of looking pretty, of feeling pretty, of being listened to, of being admired. Screw that! I am human, I am smart, I am pretty, and I am more than worthy of all these things and more. I am striving to be healthy in diet and exercise and I do hope certain health issues get resolved, which will lead to being a lower weight for this size is rather physically uncomfortable for me. But if not, I won’t let anyone tell me how to feel about myself any more. I used to hide my fat arms in sleeves, short or long. But I won’t anymore. I happen to like the kiss of the sun on my shoulders, and I refuse to be hidden just because my arms don’t fit one particular image of what society says they should look like. I’ve liberated my arms and my esteem.

Society has no right to decide for me that my stretch marks, my extra skin, my body shape make me unworthy. I refuse to feel badly about my body because I grew, nourished and birthed (and nourished some more) two amazing people. I refuse – I simply refuse – to fall into that negative thinking. I have children who I have to be strong for, children who look to me as a role model for what women are – and I want them to know that women are strong, rational, intelligent creatures who can be beautiful and KNOW IT at any size and at any shape.

I really don’t care if people look at my belly and feel disgust. I steel myself against them. I run my fingers along the lines and appreciate what they mean: love. The love of growing my babies. And I simply refuse to let myself even think negative things – I won’t be held down that way!

As an activist, I feel like each person must take a stand. Ten years ago, it was unheard of to re-use grocery bags, but it is becoming quite the norm these days – because each individual person took that stand and made it so. I also feel like positive body image really and truly IS within our reach, only we each have to make the decision not to allow them to imprison us in our own cells of self-hatred. We have to make the decision to just REFUSE to let them tell us how to think of ourselves. How dare they? How dare they try to keep us down?

I find it rather ironic that the photograph that was stolen in an attempt to create a feeling of shame about a mother’s body happens to be a pose which I feel is confidant and self-assured, not afraid to just be, regardless of how many stretch marks and extra skin there may be.

The Birth of SOAM

Don’t let them get into your head. Take control and refuse them access to your insecurities. Fake it if you have to – the real stuff will follow naturally – but take a stand with me and all the other moms on here and refuse to be ashamed!

It’s Not Really So Bad (Autumn)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 7 Comments

Your Age: 29
Number of pregnancies and births: One pregnancy, one birth
The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 9 months

Today marks 281 days since my daughter was born. The same amount of time that she spent on the “inside”. I’ve been looking forward to this day, it feel momentous for some reason.

I look over the landscape of my changed body and I’m grateful that I’m not so changed that i don’t recognize myself but also thankful for the signs that my daughter once occupied my space. The day after her birth (by c-section, after 27 hours of hard labor) i saw my deflated belly in the mirror and thought “I have arrived”. My mind went back to all the mothers on this website and i knew that i was going to be
with the majority with my stretchy skin and mother’s “apron” and not one of the few who return to hard, flat bellies within a few weeks.

Silvery stretchmarks line my belly but they’re only visible in certain lights. In the blinding, brilliant sun they fade into the rest of my skin but in harsh overhead lighting they look like craters. But I’ve grown comfortable in the skin i’m in. I’m not saying that I’m about to get in a bikini and head down to the beach, but i also realize that I’m not in competition with 19 year old spring-breakers. I credit this website with the acceptance, and even love that i have for my new form. Before SOAM i hadn’t seen what a “real mother” looked like without her clothes off. My mom, through genes that somehow skipped me, had no stretchmarks and maintained a very svelte figure. So thank you to all of you for having the courage to post your photos and stories and for giving me the courage to love my jiggle and stretchmarks and even my c-section scar enough to do the same.

Photos-
1 – 40 weeks pregnant, I was HUUUUUGGEEE
2 – My 40 week belly, it was not a “pretty pregnant belly”
3 – Today, sucking in makes it look worse
4 – Today, letting it go makes it look smoother
5 – Today, in the right light everything looks pretty good
6 – My daughter, the reason for this post in the first place.

Not a Mother, Yet… Or Ever? (Tatiana)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Question, Submissions 27 Comments

I am 26 and engaged to marry a wonderful man next year. Just a couple of days ago he told me that his utopia would be to marry me and have a baby with me. The thing is, this is not necessarily my idea of an utopic life. I love traveling, I love being able to just leave and get in a plane or drive cross-country for no reason other than my desire to do it. For the longest time I used to proclaim that I’d have six children, but the more time gets near for my marriage, and the more I think about it, the less I want to be pregnant. I ran into this website and I see all your bodies and they look gorgeous to me, stretchmarks and all. However, I don’t want them on MY body. I don’t feel “called” to have a baby inside me, and I shiver at the thought of settling down and be tied down to a kid. I sound horrible, I know, and I feel so bad about not feeling this “call” that the rest of my girlfriends are getting. :(

The idea of a gestational surrogacy crosses my mind all the time. And then, I think I’m waay too proud and controlling to let another woman carry my child. Noone could do it better than me, right?

I’m certain the issues of abandonment from my father and the guilt-trips of my mom contribute to me being scared sh*tless when contemplating the thought of motherhood. And I don’t wanna have a kid just cuz my future husband wants it. I want to have that desire, but it’s just not there.

Am I a horrible woman? Did any of you feel this way and things changed after you had your baby? Any of you would have chosen a gestational surrogacy if it could’ve been possible?

10 Months Update VCC (Angelica)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 3 Comments

My age:22
# of pregnancy: 1
months pp: 10

Hi
i already posted pictures of my new figure when i was 2 months and 4 months pp and the title is VCC. I want to share this new pictures with you because this journey isn’t easy, it takes time to adjust and to accept this new “era” of my life, my husband always tells me that i am beautiful and that he loves me no matter what, y am happy with my life God gave the most precious gift, my baby girl.
before i was pregnat i was size 7, i still fit in almost all my pants and i am decided not to buy any other size because i don’t wnat to gain weight i want to loose 5 kilos. I still can buy size 7 but they just don’t fit the way they used to fit me!
So here are my pictures 10 months pp, i see a tiny difference between these and the last pictures
dont you??
Thank you!!!

Battling Myself Over Surgery (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Question, Submissions 13 Comments

I am a 30 yr old mother of 3, ages 10, 7 and 8 months. I have always been self-conscious about my body but now more then ever. I am coming to terms with my mommy body however I have never been happy with my breast. I have always been almost a “b” cup but since my third child my breast are barely existent and hang low and flat. I am contemplating surgery because I think it will help me feel better about myself. I have always felt less of a woman for my lack of breast but especially now. I hate being in a room with women because i feel ashamed and like a child. Im battling myself though because I dont want to be a weak person and resort to extreme measures, it seems so vain. I wish I could be confident with my body but it has been 30 years and I just cant. I have suffered from depression nearly all my life and my self image as contributed to it. I wish I was stronger but Im just not, am I wrong for wanting surgery? What kind of message am I sending my daughter? Is it worse for her to see me miserable with my body and embarrassed or to see me modify myself? I dont want large breast, I just want to look normal and feel beautiful.

Amanda

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 19 Comments

hello there. my name is amanda,i’m 23 years old. i thought i would send a quick note to go with the photos! my daughter is now 15 months old, she weighed 10 pds 9 oz ( healthy baby) i gained 70pds with her, i went up to 212 pds. i didnt have 1 strech mark till the last month of my pregnancy! i had a c-section after 27 hours of labour! so now after all the stretch marks, weight gain, and c-section, i now have skin the feels empty ( if that makes any sence) and it droops over top of my cesarian and i have a pooch :( i hate it.. so here’s some photos of before pregnancy, 12 weeks after haing my daughter to right to the date of today! so roughly 15 months after having amilya! i tried sending the pics other ways but my computer has a block on it for some reason! do wut u like with my pictures!