Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

Ugly is irrelevant (Alicia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

Age: 21
Pregnancies: 1
Births: 1
Children: One beautiful girl that will be three April 13th 2010.

About two years ago, when I would step out of the shower and see my naked body standing there I would cringe. I would try to get out of there as fast as I could so I wouldn’t have to look at myself standing there… Naked… Overweight… Repulsive. I hated my body. I hated myself. I had gotten pregnant by a man that controlled and emotionally abused me and my dream to further my education and make something of myself seemed long gone. I felt like a stranger had taken up my body and I was living a life I never wanted and that no one would ask for. I am not sure what kept me in it for two years but I am glad I had my moment of clarity. Oh-so glad.

I can now look at myself naked in the mirror and not cringe. I no longer hate myself as fiercely as I used to, though my self-image is still evolving and constantly is a work in progress. I lost twenty pounds and got back to my pre-pregnancy, plus size 14 by talking daily walks with my daughter in her stroller, breastfeeding my child for a year, kicking out my good-for-nothing ex, and eating healthier. I may not be skinny, and yes I do want to possibly lose more weight but I feel more myself now. I have the stretch marks… I have them on my breasts, arms, butt, belly, pubic area, hips… I have taken them in as part of myself. They are mine, no one else’s.

I started reading feminist poetry and listened to some Margaret Cho stand-up and realized how brainwashed I was, that we all are as a society, into thinking a certain size is beautiful… That you had to fit some kind of criteria to be thought of as beautiful in today’s society. Beauty has so many facets and variations. The views on beauty have changed so many times since the dawn of man. Why should we become slaves of something that only changes… Something that is totally objective and pure opinion?

I have recovered my sense of self. I just graduated college December of 09 with an associate’s in dental assisting. I do not plan for that to be my last trip back to school. I want to set an example for my daughter and any future children I may have… and I just love learning. The self-loathing is mostly gone, though I do carry some residue of it. Most of stretch marks have faded, my breasts are not nearly as perky as they once were, I have gained back a few of the pounds that I had lost, I have gone through another painful break-up with my most recent ex, I have reconnected with a man I went to high school with and I have known for years. I am falling for him and I am still to this day not used to his kindness and support… I am at a happy point at my life. I have so much love to give.

I love my daughter, and now I will try my damnedest to love me. Pinky swear to myself.

Pictures: Belly ones are from today, pregnancy pics of the day I was induced, Picture of my daughter and I this past Christmas, and two “glamor” shots. lol

Quotes I absolutely love from Margaret Cho:

“Ugly. Is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion. A matter of taste, a whim, an eye, a beholder, an opinion, a spin, light crossing the frame, paint, projection. The moment. Context.”

“I’m not going to die because I failed as someone else. I’m going to succeed as myself.”

“Just because you are blind, and unable to see my beauty doesn’t mean it does not exist.”

“I think everyone should go on my diet. It’s called the Fuck It Diet. Basically what it is is if I want to eat something but it has a lot of fat or carbs, I just take a moment, and I go within, and I say “Fuck it” and I eat it. You have to do it six times a day. It works really well with the Fuck That Shit Exercise Program.”

I want to look better. (Sue)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children: 16 months

First of all I want to apologize for mistakes, English is not my language, I’m from Poland.

I’m just 22 and I’m not happy about new look of my body… I’m not hating it only because of my boyfriend who seems to like it despite stretch marks and ugly, flat boobs. I was kind of sexy before pregnancy, I had 127 pounds of weight (I am tall, 176 cm) and I miss it very much. At 8th month of pregnancy I looked like a whale (171 pounds) but I was happy and excited. I couldn’t stand waiting for my son, and I was scared that something can go wrong. My friend and her baby had died that year during c-section. I was shocked. We were preparing together for maternity, we had same problems with our boyfriends, we had plans. After their death everything had changed. I was left alone, nobody could understand me and my fears. But luckily my pregnancy went well (I had only some problems with liver) and in October 2008 I gave birth to my beautiful son.

Usually my body is not a problem for me. I’m starting to think about what it looks, when I see slim, famous women 6 weeks postpartum, when I’m comparing shape of my body with my friends who doesn’t have children and when I’m trying to buy some new cloths in which I look nice. I know that my problem with accepting my new look is not serious – in the end my son is happy and healthy and I’m alive. But still I’m not feeling good with myself and I want to fight for better look. I’m going to loose some pounds and change my lifestyle. I know that it’s kind of sad that my self-esteem depends on my look but I think I can’t change it. What I can change is shape of my body, and I’ll try to do it.

Here are photos of me before and during pregnancy and 16 months postpartum.

First Time Mama (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 17 Comments

I found out I was pregnant in April of last year. My husband and I were very, very surprised but excited none the less! I delivered my baby on Thanksgiving day. We had planned a birth center natural birth but when our sweet little one was a face presentation all plans changed. This was the first face presentation the hospital had seen in 10 years. We were told time and time again that I would need a c-section but my body kept moving forward and our nurse was on our side (not calling the doctor in very much!). Eventually she told me that I was fully dilated but that I would need to wait to push until the Dr. could come in…well that didn’t feel very possible at that point. She then said “if you ignored everything I told you and just let your body do its work, eventually the baby would come out.” then she left…and we pushed. After just 20min of pushing (and the dr. quickly brought in!) we had our perfect little girl.
I am still adjusting to my body. I have hated my body for my entire adult life. I thought that maybe I would love it more after having my baby, knowing just how powerful it is. But that has not been the case, I can see that it is doing its job and doing it very well (EBF and my baby is growing like a weed!). But I am still sad that my breasts are so uneven and my stomach is riddled with stretch marks. I will never look the same again and I am trying to heal my wounded heart and learn to love this body. Thank you for offering a place where this healing can take place. I just feel sick and huge and I am hoping that by getting out there and posting this I will stop feeling so revolting.

Age: 23
# of Preg and births: one
Age of baby: three months (13 weeks pp)

Loving the new me, sags, stretchies and more. (Christina)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 11 Comments

I got pregnant when I was sixteen. But from the moment I knew what was going on with my body I loved it. I saw past the new milk filled boobs, that I loved at first; as food for my growing child. I saw past my ever growing rear end, and the dark mark making its way down my ever swelling belly. I have always loved my body, and being pregnant didn’t change that. After the birth of the most gorgeous little seven pound, fourteen ounce little boy, I still loved my body. Until a little while after recovery, when I realized the belly sag would probably never go away. The stretch marks on my breasts, thighs, butt, and stomach were all there to stay. I had an awful bout of post partem depression, they made me feel saggy and stretched out. With this new body though (and a lot of convincing from my boyfriend) I learned not to be ashamed of the stretch marks, but see them as a reminder every day of what I accomplished; see them as a badge of honor. Now I feel as though each stretch mark tells a story. I’m proud to have a mothers body! :)

My age as of now: Nineteen.
Number of pregnancies and births: Two pregnancies, one birth. (Miscarriage Jan. 30th 2010)
Age of child: One and a half.

(I only included pictures of my tummy, as it was hard to get pictures of my rear on my own LoL.)

Learning to Love My New Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 9 Comments

I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant and had my first baby. I wasn’t too happy when I found out because it was unplanned. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and he is a great father. I have such a hard time accepting my new body. It is basically one giant stretch mark. I have tried everything so far. I’ve had 2 laser treatments, nothing, cocoa butter, nothing. I would do anything to get them away! I hate my saggy skin. I just wish I could have my old body back. 4 close friends of mine that have babies all have no stretch marks! it makes me blame myself for not getting top of the line cocoa butter or oils. I love my son more then anything! I really hope they go away. As far as the excess fat I know I can for the most part control by exercising. I gained 65 pounds and have lost 45 so far and am 16 weeks post pardum. It is my first baby and because of how much damage this has done to my body it has questioned me if i want to have another baby. If you have any advice for the stretch marks, please help! I would do anything to make them go away! I love this website and almost every post has brought a tear to my eye! please help me, I really need the support!

1st picture-7 months pregnant
2nd picture-8 months pregnant
3rd picture- day i went to deliver
4th picture- 3 weeks post pardum
5th picture- now (16 weeks pp)
6th picture- now
7th picture- now
8th picture- now
9th picture- now
10th picture- now
11th picture- now
12th picture- now
13th picture- now
14th picture- my son
15th picture-me before

My Story (Holly)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 8 Comments

My name is Holly. I am 25 years old and have one daughter, a two year old named Lillian. She was an unplanned pregnancy, conceived at what I used to think was the peak of my physical beauty. I was 23, single, and a dancer with perfect abs, lol. My whole life I have been told I was pretty, but too skinny. People would always ask me if I ever ate, if I did drugs or would tease me about not having any hips and how much more womanly they were than me because I had a small ass. All of this ridicule took its toll on me and I began to think I’d never really truely look like a woman, but always like a shapeless little girl. Fast forward to when I was pregnant, I gained almost 60 lbs with Lillian. 60 lbs on a 107lb, 5 foot 2 inch girl will shake things up a bit!! I LOVED being pregnant! I had an ass!! The weight that I had tried my whole life to put on, just came so easily and gave me the curves I had never dared to even dream I’d have someday. The weight I gained with Lilly came off easily enough, leaving with it an extra 10lbs and a spider web of stretch marks encircling my belly button, which also had now a strange little indent above it. I tried going back to go-go dancing, people would always look at me just a little funny when then light would hit me just right, and my old places of employment replaced me with younger, skinnier and more tonned young girls. I was livid to say the least! I became to loath my new body. I felt betrayed. How dare it give me the curves I thought I had always needed but take away my flawless skin! I hid my tummy from the world and refused to even don my usual swimsuit during the summer, saying I no longer liked to swim. This attitude continued really until tonight. I was looking through all of the photos on this site and it made me go back and compare photos I have of before and after I had my daughter. I had never dared do this before, and I was honestly shocked. I don’t really look different at all! And I really do like the way I look now better. The old me looked uncomfortable in her skin, the new me looks like I don’t really care. I think somewhere along the way in my hiding from the world I stopped caring. When I was no longer up on display I found more important things in my life, like the fiance who recently told me he thinks I look cute with a little more chub, or the daughter who tells my belly button she loves it after giving it kisses, lol. I don’t know if my grass isn’t always greener on the other side attitude towards my body will always stay now, but I do feel that I should be kinder on myself now, and appreciate what I do have. I have a healthy body that hides where my true beauty lies, in my soul and not in my skin.

Pictures I have are of before I was pregnant, seven months pregnant, and 18 months after baby- the first time I dared to go out in a bikini! I also added my tummy today standing up and sitting down.

When is Enough, Enough? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Body Image, No Photos (Story Only) 3 Comments

Age: 37
Numbers of pregnancies and births: 3, births 1
Child’s Age: 4

I spent my youth and 20’s overweight and hating my body. I was a size 18. During a bad break up I gained an additional 15 pounds and for the first time it looked like size 18 would be too small. I decided to try to loose enough weight to get back into my clothes. After I started loosing I kept going and went from 220 pounds to 130. I still hated my body.

I got married (and I hated the way I looked in my wedding dress). I got pregnant and felt huge (and then I realized that even in my 9th month I still weighed less than I had while overweight). I had my beautiful baby girl and felt pure joy. She would be raised to love herself. She would grow up knowing that she was beautiful. I was thrilled with everything about her, but I hated my post pregnancy body. I wanted to lose the weight. Most of it came off, but the last 10 pounds. I hated my body, I hated those 10 pounds. As a working mom I found less and less time for me. Those 10 pounds stayed and added 5 more friends. I hated my body. My mommy friends and I would both complain about how we needed to do something because we were “too chubby”. Yesterday morning my daughter woke up with an upset stomach. Her tummy was slightly bloated from gas. She rubbed her tummy and asked me “Mommy is this chubby?”

I thought I had been so careful. I thought I had only talked about my body when she couldn’t hear. I thought, I thought, I thought….All my thoughts about teaching my daughter to love herself and her body no matter what and I realized that I can’t do that unless I stop hating my body.

Blessing and A Curse (Paige)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 14 Comments

My whole life I was in sports. I started gymnastics at 3 years old and didnt stop until I went away to college. I started running track and playing football in the 7th grade and continued until college. While in college I modeled. I was 20 when I became pregnant with my first child by the time she arrived I was 21. For some reason most women have nice round bellies while mine was more of a bullet shape (with both of my girls). After the first baby I lost some of the waist but realized I would neevr be the same ever again. I went to consultations to see how much a breast lift and implants would cost and a tummy tuck. I was informed by a doctor that due to havin such a large baby and carrying past 40 weeks destroyed my muscles. After months of working out I tried to get back into modeling but realized the stomach would never be the same. But after some time I accepted the body I was given. When my first child was 8 months old me and my husband discovered we were going to have another baby. So here we go again but this time 39 weeks 4 days and baby number 2 arrived June 2009. Now with the second child I gained 50 lbs. with my second baby and have not been able to get rid of it. I have dieted exercised but nothing is working. After growing up I relaized that I dont want to die on an operating table somewhere just because I was vain. So now I’m left with this body I hate but I’m also stuck woth two cute wonderful girls who I just cant get enough of!!! This negative image of myself is taking it’s toll I try to be positive but I have pictures of what I looked like only 3 years ago and its hard not to be depressed. I went from a size 1 in jr’s clothes to a size 14 in womens. Not to mention my breasts feel like hollowed out ziploc bags of pudding (sad but true), stretch mark on the back of my legs (back of the knees i didnt even know it was possible to get stretchmarks there), where pubic hair grows (even that got stretch marks!) and a double chin. Now I love my husband and my girls with all my heart but he thinks we should try again to see if we can get a boy. I’m like are you serious?!?! Although I would love a boy I just dont think I can go through with it and get more weight. A 23 year old body should not look like this! Thanks for listening to the rant of a crazy lady :)

~Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 years old Madison Michelle and 8 month old Mackenzie Rose

Different Body, Same Girl (Leah)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 11 Comments

22 years old
3 pregnancies, 2 births.
Justin 4, Tanner 2

I am in love. I love my body. I love my babies. I love my life. This body is NOT the body I am familiar with, but I am grateful. I have too much to be thankful for to focus on my exterior. In the end, its not my stretch marks, or cellulite that make me who I am. I EARNED these scars. I worked for 18 months to incubate my babies. Every stretch mark, every dimple… it was ALL WORTH IT. This body may not be what is recognizable to me, but I have a new body now… the body of a mother. This is my new shape, and I am not ashamed.