Author: Bonnie (SOAM)

Breastfeeding with Cancer (Valarie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Breast Cancer, Breastfeeding, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Submissions 5 Comments

Originally posted here on Facebook.

Today my son and I overcame a huge obstacle in my breast cancer journey. Today he breastfed for the first time after chemotherapy. I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 28 weeks pregnant. My cancer was stage 2, grade 3, and triple negative (very aggressive). So, the doctors decided to start chemotherapy while I was pregnant. After 5 cycles of chemo, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. I was told I couldn’t breastfeed for weeks after chemo, so I was not allowed to feed him when he was born, and at first I was even told I wouldn’t be able to pump. The lactation consultant at the hospital wouldn’t even come in to see me. I kept asking questions and found a lactation consultant who was willing to do the research on my chemo meds, and find out how long it would take for each med to leave my milk. We later learned that I could breastfeed 10 days after a dose of chemotherapy. I also found out it was safe to pump. So, for 2 1/2 months I pumped and dumped to keep my milk supply, then when I started a chemotherapy with doses every other week instead of weekly, I got to breastfeed 4 days each cycle. Now, finally, after 4 months of pumping 6 times a day, I am able to breastfeed my son. We still face challenges. Radiation will likely dry up my milk on the effected side, but I feel victorious today. This was like taking the power over my body back. I’m the one in control of this one thing. This is something only I can do for my child, and if something happens to me, this is protection and health I can give him that will last the rest of his life.

Please share my story. I wasn’t able to find any information on breastfeeding with chemotherapy on-line. While every situation is different, I hope this will find some women who have been told they can’t breastfeed, and encourage them to keep looking for answers. Find an expert, and if you have the will, you will find a way.

080316-Valarie-1

Beauty Comes From Within (Aimee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Breasts - Uneven, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 2 Comments

Age:27
2 pregnancies 1 birth
Age of child: 5month

We have all heard the phrases beauty comes from with in and beauty is in the eye of the beholder but such phrases come up short and feel shallow when we are talking about ourselves, our body image. I have struggled with certain aspects of my body like most of the women on this site, but I have been blessed with the opportunities to overcome/look past/accept the parts of me that aren’t perfect. Not to drag on here but in high school my friends were all much smaller and prettier than me, which I was well aware of and so were all the boys who would befriend me in hopes of me putting in a good word for them. But to be honest I loved that I had so many guy friends that I could go to for advice or to talk to for an honest opinion. I loved that my friends were so pretty and I admired them. Sometimes I would get down on myself that I had crooked teeth or that at 16 my thighs had dark thick stretch marks, but luckily I had these guy friends that I could talk to about it and you know they always would tell me the same thing …that it doesn’t matter that I was an awesome person and fun and if someone was so superficial as to not want to be with me because of what I saw as flaws then it was their loss and to not worry about. And you know I took this to heart and I found ways to love myself. Before I got pregnant I was working out 2 hours a day 4-5 days a week, I was in no way ripped but I loved my body and had so much energy. When we didn’t get pregnant right away I thought it might be due to the stress I was putting on my body by exercising so I decided to stop until I got pregnant with the intention that I would go back to light exercises once it happened. That never happened I slept through my first trimester, second trimester was amazing and I started doing occasional hikes and walks but nothing crazy and I had gained 10 maybe 15 pounds by this point didn’t look pregnant and had no stretch marks. Then the third trimester hit and I gained 40-45 pound!(that’s 40 pounds in 3 months my Dr was shocked) My stomach erupted in stretch marks (they didn’t hit until I was 8 months along) and my whole body felt swollen and sluggish. My heart was always beating very hard and I had a hard time catching my breath if I did too much. So I became obsessed with looking for pictures of women in a similar situation, I saved every possible exercise regime, I drooled over post pregnancy flat bellys, and I researched every possible remedy for stretch mark reduction. Then I had my beautiful boy via c section (planned) he was 9lbs 1oz and then in the first month I had dropped 30lbs. I felt great about the prospect of getting my body back. But that went out the window with the struggles of breastfeeding. It was very important to me to breastfeed and I put all of my time and energy into making sure we developed a good breastfeeding relationship. Which led to my now exclusively left side breastfed body. There are times that I’m embarrassed at the fact that one breast is at least 2 times the size of the other. I sometimes try to hide it when we are going out with our friends. But for the most part when I see it I’m proud. I’m proud that I am able to sustain a healthy happy boy only needing one breast to do the job. I’m proud because it shows my dedication as a mom and that I’m not superficial I can go out in public with my body the way it is. I have stretch marks, a slightly saggy stomach, lopsided breasts, and my hair is falling out faster than its growing back in but I’m a devoted mother, a caring wife, a fun loving friend, an understanding sister and a forgiving daughter. I do love myself and though my old clothes don’t look as good on me, when I see myself naked in the mirror I think I’m beautiful. We go through many stages in life and some are better than others but we will continue to change throughout our lives and our mindset is what’s going to affect whether those future changes are positive or not.

I know my body will continue to change and that there are others out there who have gone through more dramatic changes than I have but I challenge you to be proactive and to find at least one thing you love about yourself and one thing you love about your body (I have great shoulders that I think are very sensual). Look at your new body as a reflection of the past you’ve lived and embrace the changes as they continue to appear. I’m posting my pre, pregnant, and post body because I researched like crazy when I was pregnant trying to find people with a similar body type. I don’t do any special diet and as for exercise I walk about a mile at least once a week (this only started happening a couple weeks ago).

“I find myself beautiful now” (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Four or More Pregnancies, No Photos (Story Only), Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions 1 Comment

Number of pregnancies/births: 4/3
Age: 23
How far postpartum: Kids are 5,3,2

I’ve posted to this site 2 or 3 times now, and I am choosing to do so again because once again I have a new perspective. I felt for a long time, until recently actually that my self worth was based on my body. Not just the way I look naked, but also with clothes on. I felt that if clothes didn’t fit properly or if I had to go up a size then my life experiences were not as fun. They weren’t as fun because I was distracted with myself. I used to look at pictures during my last pregnancy and say “oh god, I was so big”. I look back now and look at how big I was smiling or how my other 2 girls kissed my belly. I felt that stretch marks and extra weight was something to be ashamed of, something to hide from the person who has seen my body in the most intimate ways. I’ve said in the past that my husband had viewed porn a lot and yes it did bother me, partly because I felt betrayed but mostly because I was jealous of the way he was attracted to those women. I have a new outlook on that, among other reasons he was viewing porn so often because I wasn’t showing him what he needed/wanted to see. My husband has told me many times that I am beautiful, pretty, sexy and whatever else you could say to give a compliment. I didn’t believe that until I was able to see the beauty myself. Somewhere along the lines I realized that stretch marks are not ugly, extra weight can be lost or not because I like my new curves. I do not look like a model by any means but I am happier than I ever have been and more comfortable with my body than I ever have been. I wanted a tattoo on my stomach to cover stretch marks but I didn’t go through with it because I wanted to look at them a little longer, I panicked when I knew they would no longer be visible. My body is forever changed in that way and that is because I chose to have children. I want to be able to look down when I’m in my 50’s and remember my days being pregnant and my daughters’ births into this world. I have stretch marks like crazy on my breasts and that really used to bother me but now I just look at them as memories. I breastfed each daughter for 1 year and those marks remind me of the long nights cuddled up with the girls next to me or that I was the only one that had that bond with them. When I was 16 I got pregnant and was forced into an abortion and I was left with one tiny stretchmark on the left breast in the middle of my cleavage and I would be so sad if I couldn’t see that mark anymore. I am grateful to my body for producing such beautiful children and supporting me all along the way of the many changes. I find myself beautiful now because I am used to the new me and I have adjusted and I wouldn’t think less of anyone else for looking the way I do. Love yourself first and foremost and everything else will fall into place.

34yo Mother of 3 (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions, Widow 4 Comments

I became a widow 2 years ago in my early 30’s. I didn’t expect to be dating ever again…the prospect of showing your naked torso to a man who didn’t help put those stripes there is a frightening one to say the least. When the date clothes come off this is what you see…no hiding the marks of motherhood.

34 yrs old
4 pregnancies, 3 live births (2 teens and a 4th grader)

071216-anon-1

TEN YEARS

Bonnie (SOAM) My Own Ramblings, News, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement 1 Comment

10years

SOAM is officially ten years old. Just about this time of the day, when my big kid was napping, I took a quick picture of my baby and my belly and posted a new blog asking moms to send me their photos of their postpartum bodies. I felt like, if we had a large database of diverse bodies, we might be able to expand our view of what “beautiful” means; we might be able to fully embrace the idea that what the media shows us is just one kind of beauty and that we harm ourselves by not celebrating more kinds.

These last ten years have been quite a ride. When I first posted this, I wasn’t even officially a homeschooling mom yet since my big kid was only 4. I homeschooled the kids for many years and now they both attend brick-and-mortar schools – my daughter is starting high school this year! This year, my son went to sleep-away camp for the first time. My daughter wanted to go to the Bernie Sanders rally. These small humans who once lived inside my body are growing into remarkable people with passions and a desire to make the world a better place.

boy

girl

What even are stretch marks in comparison with the powerful people who painted them onto my body?

What even is beauty if we don’t admire the hard work that goes into becoming a person and changing the world?

Mamas, today take a moment to admire, love, and celebrate the changes your body has gone through to produce the next generation of wonderful people. Your bodies deserve it and so do you.

Submit your story here.

og

Won’t let my husband see me naked. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 18 Comments

I am 24 years old, I have 2 beautiful little girls – a 2 year old and a 6 month old, and I love them with all my heart and soul. However, I am so disgusted and ashamed of my body that I won’t let my husband see me naked. I gained 40 pounds with both pregnancies and lost all the weight plus some 2 months after each. What I am left with is horrible rippling stretch marks, loose dough like stomach skin, saggy breasts and a flat tush! I have always had insecurities, especially about my face – pretty has never been a word I have ever described myself with, and now that my body is ruined too, I just feel so ashamed. My husband calls me beautiful, and I know he’s lying since he watches porn and has always been very critical of other women’s bodies. When we do have sex and I’m not covered, i can’t enjoy it. My doctor told me there is nothing I can do about my skin. So now I need to find a way to cope with my body as it is. It is to the point where I can’t concentrate or have fun with my children because all I think about is how ugly my tummy has become.

Just make what you have sexy!! (Deflated mom of 4)

Bonnie (SOAM) Four or More Pregnancies, Mom over 30, No Photos (Story Only), Submissions 1 Comment

I have been really depressed over the years about my body. I have always been small chested, not even a full A cup. I have had four children. Breast fed the youngest past a year old. My cup size ranged from a before pregnant to probably a DD. Then back down to a 30B (technically a typical A cup) after weaning. I always thought there was something wrong with my breasts because bras never fit right. Wait! it was the bras that were the wrong size. Nobody ever taught me that! Finally realized I was a 30 band size and that changed everything.(american eagle bras fit me great!) I still dont like how they hang and are deflated. Sometimes I get really depressed about it. I dont feel like a woman a lot of the time. But then I have to realize that I shouldn’t base my self esteem on what i think others view me as. I started working out hard. It helped lift the breasts a little. Why can’t deflated be sexy too?

~Age: 37
~Number of pregnancies and births: 4
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: youngest is two oldest is an adult.

Postpartum 5 Years Later (Melissa O)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 2 Comments

I’m always struggling with accepting my new body. I know we should not dwell on the negative of child birth when the positive is two beautiful girls now 6 and 5. I’m 30 now but still struggling with insecurities. I would love to be this fit mom but with a full time job getting out late and then coming home to spend time with my girls before bed, I find it hard to go to the gym. Even though my husband tells me he doesn’t care what I look like, It’s hard to accept that this is how my body will look from now on, I just wish I could have the same confidence as all the amazing moms out there, I will get there eventually it’s just taking me a bit longer!

It Happened (Chrissy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions 2 Comments

I was enjoying a rare empty house! No kids no spouse. So I decided on a load of laundry and a nice long hot shower. My clothes were not dry yet so I just laid in my comfy bed and surfed the net…with just a shirt on,while I waited for my clothes.

The warm bright morning sun peeping through the cracks in curtains caught my eye, but something else did to and it was beautiful, it was pretty, it was sexy, it was everything I have thought beauty to be and it was MY BODY! O M G it was MY body! The same body I have thought ugly my whole life! The same body I have filled my head with negative thoughts about, The same body that after 2 kids and a zillion stretch marks I thought was disgusting was now, in a one second moment …BEAUTIFUL!!

I snapped the picture with my cell and sat there a long time wondering how this happened? It was very confusing! How did I just go from years of feeling the negative thoughts about my plus sizeness or my wrinkled belly to thinking – wow look at me, look at my body! My body is not damaged like I have been thinking, it’s a fucking master piece!

I don’t know why or how this thought happened but it happened and that one moment opened the flood gates of positive self-talk about the loveliness that is ME!

I will always keep this picture close to me now, just so I can remember that feeling of self love, it’s a strange feeling and feeling it for the first time at 32 years old was crazy and Enlightening!

I was glad I found your site and I feel happy just sharing this moment!
Thank you so much

060116-chrissy-1

5 years PP with Diastasis Recti (Leslie)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Diastasis Recti, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 0 Comment

After my first pregnancy, I was very unhappy with my body. I stopped eating healthy and my weight yo-yoed constantly. When my son was 2 years old, I found out I was pregnant again and I cried. I wasn’t ready to add another child to our mess. I was a nervous wreck. I even kept losing weight a few months into my 2nd pregnancy. It got so bad that my nurse practitioner encouraged me to start taking meds to control my anxiety. Then halfway through the pregnancy, I noticed that my navel was sticking out more than the first time around and it was tender to the touch. My OB said it was an umbilical hernia (it wasn’t) and would probably get better after I delivered the baby (it didn’t). The discomfort got worse as the pregnancy went on. When I was in labor, the contraction pain was all in my back because of the muscle damage. Two months postpartum when I got permission to exercise, I began with a workout video called Six Week Six Pack. I lost a few pounds, but my stomach looked even worse. So I exercised harder! Sadly it took a few years for me to learn about Diastasis Recti and realize how much worse I had made things. When I started seeing a physical therapist, she was appalled. For months I was not allowed to lift anything over 5 pounds and absolutely no sit-ups. I’ve been wearing a brace and doing pilates and water aerobics to try and heal the damage I did to my core muscles. It’s exhausting and frustrating, but my stomach actually looks like a stomach again! I probably won’t ever have a six pack, but my kids love my squishy belly.

~Age: 33
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 8 and 5

050316-leslie-1