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Anonymous

I am unable to post a picture. I am also unable to use my name. But I wouldn’t want record of this dark time in my life. I used to be 110 lb and very athletic. I could run a marathon without worry. Now after having kids, I weigh 330 lbs. and struggle to find clothes even in the plus sizes. I am depressed and miserable. I cannot walk, let alone exercise. I am in terrible pain all the time. Physical and emotional. I love my beautiful children. Not only are they gorgeous!!! But they are smart, strong and kind. People call me a super mom. But the loss of my physical abilities causes more depression and more weight gain. I have tried anti depressants… but the numbness that follows causes me to ignore my children. I would rather my children remember me as fat… than a zombie. I try to rejoice in the lives I have birthed and the children I have fed…

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11 comments… add one
  • kerstin Wednesday, April 30, 2008, 12:08 pm

    I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could tell you something really helpful that would change things…but I don’t really know. Have you tried counselling? Can you walk with your children in the stroller and exercise that way? It IS hard when you’ve put on weight to get going, but if you want to lose weight and feel better about yourself again, it would be a start. And worth it, don’t you think? Also, trying herbal remedies might be worth trying. They might work and not make you feel numb. Good luck!!!!

  • Amy Wednesday, April 30, 2008, 3:35 pm

    Your story really touched me, i had to hold back the tears. i know i cannot say anything that will make you feel better, i hope that your life gets better and that you can enjoy your children even more so.
    good luck with everything. x

  • Anna Wednesday, April 30, 2008, 3:41 pm

    You and I weigh the same. Although I do have the physical ability to get off my ass, I too find it extremely difficult to make the change to a healthy lifestyle. I’m not sure why. The most obvious reasons to become healthy is for the sake of our kids, our own health, and personal enjoyment.

    You didn’t mention how old your kids are, or how recently you gave birth- but you may want to consider going to therapy to help work through your feelings.

    Your children will always think you’re wonderful regardless of your size, but try not to get too wrapped up in it otherwise you may miss out on what could and should be the best time of your life- being a fabulous mom!

    I’m glad that you posted here. I’m glad that you voiced how you feel. I hope that you can find your inner strength to do what you need to do.

    Good luck and feel free to contact me. We could work on motivating one another to make a positive change!

  • Allison Wednesday, April 30, 2008, 5:08 pm

    I am sending you prayers. I hope you find a happier space in life.

  • Bri Wednesday, April 30, 2008, 7:02 pm

    You don’t have to feel bad emotionally because you are big. You don’t even have to feel bad physically because you are big. Maybe you might be interested in some of the Size Acceptance blogs such as
    http://www.kateharding.net
    http://www.therotund.com
    https://fatlotofgood.wordpress.com
    http://www.the-f-word.org

    and there are many others as well. All written by fat women who still have lives they are happy with.

    *hugs*

  • erica Thursday, May 1, 2008, 12:31 pm

    one can be heavier than is socially accepted and still lead an active, healthful life.

    however, not being able to walk and being in physical pain because of significant weight gain is a medical issue. exercise, a healthful diet, and counseling are important tools for feeling better both physically and emotionally.

    i wish you all the best.

  • janet Thursday, May 1, 2008, 7:25 pm

    you dont have to go through this alone, but you do have to take measures to take back your life. millions of women like you are suffering from eating their pain away and feeling ashamed as the weight piles on and on, and feeling even more helpless. your children are a blessing in your life, but you dont want your physical limitations to rob you of the joy you deserve to have with them. take things one step at a time, but the first few steps are to find a good support group and start tackling the reasons for your eating. weight loss surgery might also be a consideration. you’re in my thoughts. love your body, but dont let it stop you from living and loving your blessings. remember: you can beat this thing and reclaim your joy. i know you can.

  • Sarah Friday, May 2, 2008, 4:04 pm

    Not every obese womans weight is caused by overeating. I am morbidly obese, and food is not my problem, I exclusivly breastfeed my 14 month son and I gained 75 lbs since I have given birth. it wasn’t untill I went to a natural Dr and I am finally getting control of it. You are in my prayers.. I totely understand not being able to find clothes in our size.. for some reason fat women can only wear big kittens on their shirts or sleeveless shirts.. who wants to see my fat arms swaying?? there is hope.. do not give up!! take every day at a time and remember you do not have to do it alone!

  • ann Friday, May 2, 2008, 5:35 pm

    Eatting is emotional, one thing that worked for me was the weight loss cds from the hypnosis network- they changed my life- because they changed my subconscious- the first step though, is accepting yourself no matter your size

    also, check out rawreform.com

  • Amy Saturday, May 3, 2008, 5:14 pm

    I understand how you are feeling, eating to downplay feelings is very normal. Perhaps there is other medication that would not make you feel like a zombie. Also I have recently joined the YMCA and bought a family plan, me and my children can go there and all enjoy physical activity. Just an idea.

    The fact that your children are wonderful little people tells me what a wonderful person and mother you are inside and out.

    Best Wishes

  • Sarah Sunday, May 18, 2008, 7:40 pm

    You are still the same person on the inside, only better because you are a mommy now. Dont give up on yourself. You owe it to your kids honey. I believe in you.

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