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Why can’t I see myself through his eyes? (Anonymous)

January 5, 2011

age:17
number of pregnancies and births: 1
postpartum: 5 months

I honestly have no idea where to even begin this post. I was always the “skinny girl” growing up. I got alot comments on my weight, and they were not always postitive ones, but I loved my body and who I was. I started dating my boyfriend when I was 15 years old. We found out I was pregnant when I was 16 and he was 19. Right from the get go I knew I loved my baby. All through out my pregnancy I always got the comment “oh you are going to bounce right back to your old body!”, I have now come to hate that saying. I was 93 pounds when I found out I was pregnant and the day I gave birth I was at 156. I had never been over 100 pounds in my LIFE until I got pregnant. I loved my body through out my pregnancy and loved being pregnant. I felt like a woman and loved all my curves and even liked the stretch marks. They were the proof of a beautiful healthy baby growing inside my belly. As soon as I met my daughter it was love at first sight. I was so amazed at how beautiful she was. Then as a few months went by, I realized my body was not at all what I wanted it to be. Im ashamed when I look in the mirror. My boyfriend tells me Im beautiful and he loves my body more now then he did before. He tells me he loves everysingle mark pregnancy has caused, because without them he wouldnt have his daughter. I don’t feel sexy and hate every part of my body. I get so irritated at him and can’t see what he sees. Is he blind? I dont understand how anyone can look at my body and think it is not disgusting. My daughter is my world and I would not trade her for anything, I just cannot seem to come to terms with myself. And to be honest, I feel selfish when I say I hate my body. My body brought my daughter into this world and I just wish I could love it as much as I love her.

pic1: 2months before i got pregnant
pic 2: 8 months pregnant with my boyfriend at baby shower
pic 3 and 4: 5 months pp
pic 5 and 6: my beautiful baby girl

Updated here and here.

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11 Responses to “Why can’t I see myself through his eyes? (Anonymous)”

  1. Shannon Says:
    January 5th, 2011 at 9:12 am

    He IS telling the truth! You are beautiful. Reading your post and looking at your pictures, it finally hit me…look how beautifully big your tummy got to carry your child…look at it now. Isn’t it amazing that we can shrink back down at all after we stretch so much for the life growing inside of us? You look amazing, and you just had your daughter not even 5 months ago! You are lovely :)

  2. Jenny Says:
    January 5th, 2011 at 9:32 am

    You still look very beautiful! Believe your boyfriend when he tells you that. Not all of us have supporting husbands or boyfriends and you should feel lucky! You are beautiful and have an amazing family! Stay positive

  3. Mary V Says:
    January 5th, 2011 at 10:04 am

    Ummm, you are beautiful! Im sure your body may feel different to you, but we are our own worst critic. You really look great, and it will keep getting better! Your baby is beautiful!

  4. Colleen Says:
    January 5th, 2011 at 10:42 am

    No he’s not blind! He’s looking at a beautiful woman with a beautiful womanly, curvy, sexy body.

    I told this to somebody else recently, but teenage bodies don’t last. It’s harder to deal with if you lose it all at once (like, by having a baby), but believe me…even if you hadn’t been blessed with your little one, you wouldn’t have been 93 pounds forever. I was always very skinny (albeit curvy)–and still am thin–but when I was 20 my metabolism just tanked. Women are meant to be curvy. I weigh 156 pounds (I’m 5’8”) and I’ve never gotten a negative comment about my weight/shape. We are often our own worst critics.

    It will be hard. You went through a major change and had to say goodbye to your teenage body very suddenly. But in it’s place you got a lovely woman’s body and an awesome man who you need to hold onto with everything that you have. Take time to mourne your old body but I hope that you also learn to love you new one, because it definitely deserves it.

  5. Julie Says:
    January 5th, 2011 at 11:31 am

    Your body has undergone such a drastic ordeal and needs time to heal. I know you are so young but that works in your favour when it comes to bouncing back!!! I was 23 when I had my first son via c-section and i never thought I would EVER get my body back but i did…aside from the stretch marks of course but they fade!! I just gave birth less than 4 months ago to my 4th child…at almost 37!!! My body is a lot older ( my oldest is only 4 yrs younger than you) and I have slowly recovered just fine…as will you and you will go on to have many more adorable babies!!! Your boyfriend is an amazing person and he’s not lying when he says he loves you AND your body!! The father of my 4th child is a new father but loved my body EVEN before i gave birth to HIS baby…stretch marks and all…men really don’t care near as much as we do!!!!

  6. sia Says:
    January 6th, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    thanks so much! I love that I found this site. It really helped me realize that I am not the only mother thats not a size 2. Every month does count, I posted these pics when I was 5 months pp and in four days I will be 6 months pp and I can see a difference! I have been doing alot better after posting this. But I still have my days. Thanks for all the support you are amazing people! :)

  7. Adrian Says:
    January 15th, 2011 at 8:40 am

    I’d be shocked and outraged if your boyfriend thought you looked disgusting! I’d suggest that you look at photos of other ladies here that look comparable to you, and ask yourself if you think they look disgusting. If your answer is ‘no’, you’ll know that you are being excessively hard on yourself.

  8. L Says:
    January 30th, 2011 at 9:05 am

    give it some time your only 5 months out it will shrink. your daughter is beautiful!

  9. Mandy Says:
    March 28th, 2011 at 4:16 am

    Sweetheart, I’m 10 and am going trhough the samething! My body is awul and my stretch marks look like yours and I hate it but it evenutally gets better. My stretch marks have faded and everything but the way I see it, is I have my beautiful 2 year old little boy to wake up to every morning who loves me just the way I am. It’s a blessing to have a child, but the price we pay sucks sometimes. But HEY.. Everything happens for a reason and chrunks do work, I’m tellin ya. It doesn’t completely get rid of the baby fat but it does help A LOT. You look good babe, hold in there trust me, it’ll get better (:

  10. Mandy Says:
    March 28th, 2011 at 4:16 am

    I meant to say I’m 18** haha sorry!

  11. Noemi Says:
    April 19th, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    me and you both! im 8 months pp and im still coming to terms with my body. i am one pound under my prepregnancy weight but my body is compeltely different. i have my days where i want to throw up everytime i look in the mirror but i love my daughter with all my heart and in order to have her my body had to become this. and dont think that its your fault, its genetic there was nothing you could do to prevent stretch marks or saggy skin! good luck momma your daughter is beautiful by the way!

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