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Turning Trauma into Triumph (Raashida)

February 16, 2012

Age: 26
Pregnancies/births: 1/1
1 year post partum

I am so glad I found this website! Here is my story: I had a petty easy and uneventful pregnancy. I had few to no pregnancy symptoms. Food craving, a little emotional and hypersensitive sense of smell but that’s about it. I was active duty military when I had my son and towards the end of my pregnancy I had a routine appt with a really rude and nasty, insensitive doctor. I call the commander and told him that I did not feel comfortable having my baby on base and begged and cried (literally) to be referred to an off-base hospital but they did not refer me and when I went into labor and showed up to the hospital that same horrible doctor was on call and it all went downhill from there. He talked down to me and told me basically that I didn’t go to medical school therefore I didn’t know what was going on in my own body. I was talked into getting an epidural and pitocin which put my son in distress and after 23 hours of labor I was rushed in for an emergency c-section (by a different more awesome doctor)

I was horrified and traumatized by the whole event not to mention this is my first baby and for a while I didn’t want anymore children. I filed complaint against that doctor and wrote him several letters letting him know how his terrible bedside manner forever changed my life and my view on doctors in general. For the first few weeks I did not feel connected to my baby because I was so distraught over having to lay on the bed and have him cut out of me when it could have been avoided. I felt very alone and depressed. Eventually I came out of the cloud and now I wouldnt trade my baby for all the stars in the sky :)

I struggle with my post baby body and disfiguring c-section scar and the painful memories that come rushing back every time I look at it. I don’t think I look horrible but I definitely don’t feel sexy anymore. I haven’t really worked out consistently since having my son so I know I could look a lot better with a little effort. (I am in the process of getting a personal trainer) I did bind my belly immediatley after surgery which helped tremendously in weight loss and shrinking my belly back down. I also breast fed.

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8 Responses to “Turning Trauma into Triumph (Raashida)”

  1. Renee Says:
    February 16th, 2012 at 10:46 am

    I had a very similar c/s experience. Though my care providers were nice the whole time, I was pressured into the cascading interventions that led to fetal distress and the c/s. It took a year to recover, though I’m still upset with some things. I was lied to and betrayed by my midwife, the OB and nurses. You look fantastic!

  2. Jan Says:
    February 16th, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    I am so sorry that you had to experience all of that while delivering your first child. Good on you for taking the steps to file a complaint and letting that doctor know what you thought. One day women will be treated with respect and given the chance to deliver as they wish. Your scar is so clean looking and you have a beautiful body!

  3. Colleen Says:
    February 17th, 2012 at 10:30 am

    Oh, I think you look lovely! I am sorry that you have such negative memories tied to your scar. It healed really well, though. I was not coerced into my cesarean like you were but I was still devastated to be robbed of my chance to birth my baby on my own.

    You have beautiful curves and awesome breasts! By all means work out for your well-being and piece of mind, but please know that you are gorgeous just the way you are.

  4. Melissa Says:
    February 17th, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    I’m so worry your birth experience was so traumatic. I wish I could say it’s an unusual one and not the norm….I really wish I could. It however is not unusual at all. I hope if you decide to have more children your experience is a wonderful one, you feel respected, and you have the support you deserve. That is why I became a doula, I want the norm to change.

  5. elissa Says:
    February 18th, 2012 at 10:16 am

    I feel you on military doctors…They are ALL like that. I was so thankful not go get preggo while my husband was in the Navy. They are terrible! I am so sorry you went through this and I have that total anxiety about my csections also. I am so lucky to have found a wonderful doctor who also is very pro woman. She supports Vbacs even though she cannot do them at the hospital she is at and is honest about them. I wanted one but I did not want any other doctor other than her so I chose another csection because she said I would also be at the mercy of an on call doctor with the Vbac…Knowing I might end up having a csection anyway I chose to stay with her. She made me feel so much better about it this last time…I hope if you have another child you get a wonderful doctor. I was tramatized by my first csection and went to have another child. Good luck!

  6. Marz Says:
    February 18th, 2012 at 9:57 pm

    I gave birth at the Navy Hospital in Bremerton, WA. I know some of those doctors can be particularly unfeeling; I was lucky enough to have two very adept doctors with a good bedside manner. The only issue was that there were 6 other women in labor that night. I was the last one to check in and the first to give birth (4.5-5hrs labor, total). Since i was a first time mom, the nurses ignored my requests for painkillers. They thought I didn’t know what pain ws, I suppose.
    By the time they sent the doctors in, I was 9-9.5 cm dilated and wasn’t even in a delivery room yet. They had to rush me and it was too late to give me any pain killers. I ended up giving birth naturally, even tho my son had meconium and fetal distress— I heard the doctors say they had to get him out of me “now” and then I felt two fingers shove up my rear end. No warning. It made me scream, and I hadn’t screamed at all through the back labor until that point.
    I was glad they saved my son’s life. But I also developed an internal hernia from the … “fingering”…. So I ended up going to the ER and several doctors after giving birth to diagnose it and get it fixed… So I had 4 different doctors shove their fingers inside both my holes. I finally just gave up. It was traumatizing to feel that, for me. So I really feel for you :(

  7. Raashida Says:
    February 18th, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    Thank you so much ladies! since I took those pictures I got a personal trainer and I am already seeing the result and I feel amazing. My husband had been a big help emotionally. I think I will be ready for more babies soon and I no longer look at pregnant women with disgust and fear for them. I get that warm fuzzy feeling and want to touch their bellies. I am in control of my body and I plan on having a homebirth next time and interviewing midwives. The most important part of the healing proces was my faith. I know God wouldnt give me any more than I could handle and my story can and will help someone else. I now look back at my birthing experience and draw power from it instead of letting it own me

  8. Shannon Says:
    April 21st, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    I had my babes at home and I can’t tell you how safe, normal, lovely, cozy and comforting it was. I was also sure to have a doula (and being one myself, have seen how it can just change everything). So, good call:) Interview midwives till you find one you really connect with, who has solid creds and reputation. And your body, by the way, is just gorgeous. You’ve got awesome breasts and your skin is beautiful and your scar is lovely too.

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