I am 26 years old my daughter is 10 months old. I have never been confident about the way I look. As an overweight preteen I would spend hours looking at Seventeen and YM magazines. I think this is where my poor body image started because I did not look like the girls in those magazines. I became obsessed with losing weight and by the age of 16 I lost over 50 pounds and was very thin, but never thin enough in my eyes. Even after losing all the weight I was not happy because I had faint stretch marks on my lower stomach, breast and just above my bottom. I would sometimes spend hours in bed crying over these left over reminders of being overweight.
When I found out I was pregnant I knew that I was prone to stretch marks even though my Mother has no stretch marks. I applied bio oil twice daily to my belly as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I would go through a new bottle every month and all it ever did was ruin my clothes. I did gain a lot of weight and it was all in my stomach. I first started seeing stretch marks at around the 7th month. My stretch marks did not bother me so much at the time because I was so excited about the baby growing inside me. During my pregnancy was the last time I can say I felt beautiful or good about myself.
When I was getting close to my due date I told the nurse who would weight me at my weekly check-ups that I did not want to know how much I weighed because I was getting so close to 200 pounds. I did not think I could handle hearing that I was 200 pounds because I am only 5’3.
I had a very hard labour but it was all so worth it when I got to hold my sweet beautiful girl in my arms. I had my mind set on breast feeding and I am still breast feeding now. I started losing weight fast and my stretch marks looked so bad after my daughter was born . My lower stomach was saggy and all my stretch marks where on the middle of my stomach around my belly button and I had none on my lower stomach where I would have preferred them because they are easier to cover up . At my seven week check-up my doctor looked at my stomach and said “oh lots of stretch mark”. I thought to myself sarcastically “thank you for pointing that out because I was not aware of it before and it’s not something I think about all the time”
I was never a person who wore revealing clothing or bared my midriff but now I have to wear a tank top or camisole under all of my shirts so the shape of my stretch marks do not show through and I can still see them. There have been times when I have been all ready to go out and took one look at myself and stayed decided to stay home, this drives my boyfriend crazy and he thinks I am being immature. I see pictures on Facebook of new moms out in bikinis a few months after giving birth and it upsets me so much. I wonder why my body has to be covered in scars when other women look the same.
My boyfriend tells me all the time that he does not notice the stretch marks or care about them and that he thinks I am beautiful. He really wants me to stop talking about it . I wish I could believe him but I just can’t seem to get pass it.
I hope we all can get pass our body issues it gets in the way of enjoying life.