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Baby Fever is Real (Serenity)

December 6, 2011

Picture 1 is me and baby #1 at 1 month
Picture 2 is me and baby #2 at 6 months
Picture 3 is me and both boys baby #2 is 1 wk (not a great picture, but one I am proud of)
and finally Picture 4 is an old family picture.

Good morning.

I am a mother of 2 wonderful little boys (2 and 4) I haven been pregnant twice, but lost a twin in my 2nd pregnancy. My first pregnancy could not have gone better, along with my delivery, my body knows how to make big healthy babies. I had a few complications during my 2nd pregnancy, started with the miscarriage(Moderate blood loss), then early labour at 25 wks, had an aneurism burst on my placenta at 30 wks (low-moderate blood loss), and then I was pre-eclamptic from 32 wks until 6 weeks post partum. The worst part was the blood pressure, but was able to control it with medication, and have no issues now (24.5 mnths pp)

Despite any complications, I took it in stride, and loved my pregnancy, I was told just a couple weeks ago that I handle pregnancy very well with minimal complaining.

I have always wanted to be a mom, I’ve known that since I was a small child, I took on the mother role for my 3 siblings very young, and I always wanted 4 children, and wanted to be finished having kids by 26. ( I am now 24)

I was diagnosed with endometrioses at 15, my mother also had it, started having symptoms at 24, and needed a hysterectomy by 34. With the amount of scar tissue being removed yearly, my doctor wasnt sure what the likelihood of healthy pregnancies would be. Menstruation was becoming a terrible experience. Like I said my first pregnancy couldnt have been better!! Delivered a 8lb 8oz baby naturally with 6 bearable hrs of labour, and 2 pushes. He was born Nov 07, and my period didnt return until Sept 08, it was wonderful. The periods I was having were irregular, and not overly uncomfortable, and then we got pregnant again the end of Jan/beginning of Feb 09, Gave birth to a healthy baby boy Oct 09, and period came back about April 10, and the last 3 months have been devastatingly painful again.

At the beginning of our relationship I was very upfront with my husband in letting him know I wanted 4 kids, and want to start tomorrow (i am lucky I’m not still single) and here we are 5 yrs later, arguing about #3. He all of a sudden has no interest in anymore children, and I am in a very tough place to be in. I want another baby, and am having physical “symptoms” I have been on the pill since Jan 2011, and was completely “dried up” in Feb. I have recently started lactating (after increasing the dose of the pill) I get emotional at the announcement of a new pregnancy, I am becoming bitter toward women who complain their husbands want more, and they’re done, and that is not the person I am. My uterus aches (literally) at the thought of pregnancy. I am fearful the longer we wait not only is it going to be harder on my youngest, but the new baby will be left out alot, since the first 2 are almost exactly 24 month part, and have an amazing bond. I still have all my baby stuff, and have even started purchasing baby girl items (Yes I know this is Crazy, and I question myself about it, and yes my husband knows) I am not one of those women who would consider “tricking” my husband into having another baby, I dont want him to resent me, or the new baby, but I really feel my clock ticking, and dont want to lose the opportunity to have another baby, because I am not sure I could forgive my husband for that.

If anyone reading this physically cannot have a baby I truly pray my post doesn’t offend you, I do truly love and cherish the 2 beautiful children I have, and of course would be happy if thats all I was given. But I am literally aching for another baby. I have done my best to project that to my husband, and just not sure what else to do.

Thanks everyone for listening, I dont have alot of people in my life to talk to openly, I am always having to guard myself, and filter my words.

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12 Responses to “Baby Fever is Real (Serenity)”

  1. shannon Says:
    December 6th, 2011 at 8:47 am

    First off, you are beautiful!

    I know what you mean about wanting another baby! I am 25 and also have had 2 boys. Connor (my 1st) passed away when he was 19 months old (he was born with a very rare syndrome). Connor would be over 5 now. Liam is 2.5 now (I got pregnant with Liam shortly after Connor passed. It was unplanned and too soon for me…but it must have been what Connor wanted).

    I also have endometriosis. I was diagnosed at 15 as well. From 15 to almost 17 I had 3 laparoscopies. I ended up getting pregnant at 19…boy was that great! No more cramps (the cramps would have me curled up in a ball crying on the floor). Both of my boys were unplanned but very welcome!

    When I had Connor I decided that I was meant to be a nurse…i am in nursing school now, and will be done in Spring 2013 (yay!). I want another baby, but I want to finish school. I also am scared of what #3 will do to my body (which is horrible, I know). I love my boys more than anything (and the pain from Connor being gone is unbearable), but I do not like my body.

    I have been getting very jealous of any women that are pregnant right now, or that just had a baby. I am jealous because I want another baby, I am sad because they take for granted that their babies are healthy (I didn’t know Connor was going to be sick when I was pregnant (I still would have had him of course, because he is my life!). He was diagnosed with Marshall Smith Syndrome when he was 2 weeks…and they told me he would not live past 7 years). I have given birth to 2 boys, but I only have 1 with me.

    I hope that your husband realizes how much you want another baby! You do have plenty of time though! You are only 24. My brother and I are 5 years apart and we are very close…my sister and I are 4 years apart, and we are BEST FRIENDS :)

  2. Bryana Says:
    December 6th, 2011 at 10:13 am

    I think your aching for another baby is not offensive at all. I think it is a completely natural response for some women. And I truly feel you should not feel badly about it what so ever.
    It is hard to deal with a situation when one partner wants more children and the other doesn’t. I have felt that, and still feel it quite commonly. After my husband and I had our second child (we have 1 boy and 1 girl) we were done having children and he had a vasectomy a mere 1 month after her birth. I thought we were done having children but wanted to wait longer to finalize it, in case my feelings changed. Which they did. Some days I am happy with my 2 children and I would never change a thing about it, but other days I wish we could add to that happiness.
    So please do not feel alone in how you are feeling. I pray whatever is meant for you is something that can make you happy and find more peace within yourself and your marriage.
    You have beautiful children, and a beautiful family.

  3. Sarah Says:
    December 6th, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    You have a beautiful family! :) My advice to you is to forget your time limit of 26 years. Give your husband some time to adjust to having two kids. Your youngest is still a little guy yet. Soon enough, he’ll want another and miss the baby stage, too.

  4. MJ Says:
    December 6th, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    im reading this while nursing LO #3 (6months old) thinking the same thing!! my hubby was done at 2 and ive always wanted 4 so i begged and begged and i got #3!! now im torn i shud be satisfied right but im not i want 4 but he doesnt so i just dont say much; he wants to go get “fixed” i dont want him to.. im too im 24 i think im to young to decide im done having kids at this time in my life when i dont feel like my family is complete yet:( *hugs* i feel your pain good luck hope things work out for the best!!! thouhgts & prayers!!

  5. Julie Says:
    December 6th, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    I TOTALLY understand the baby fever. I also have 2 small children and can’t wait to have more. Sometimes it’s all I can think about…how I can’t wait to be pregnant again! Realistically, I will probably only have 1 maybe 2 more..if I’m lucky. My husband worries about the expense…which I get…but I just feel like children are so worth the sacrifice of “nice things.” Am I crazy?! I feel that I am happiest when I’m pregnant…I just enjoy the whole experience. There’s NOTHING like being a mama :+) Good luck to you!

  6. Jan Says:
    December 6th, 2011 at 2:32 pm

    First let me say, you are beautiful, and so are your children. It is so clear from reading your story that you have really embraced your role as a mom, and I think that’s wonderful.

    I just hope that you and your husband will strive to stay on the same page, I too desire to be pregnant again but pregnancy and babyhood are so terribly short… and I know we have to consider finances as well as the extra time it would require of us to bring another baby into this world.

    Try to come to a decision that would please the both of you, it would be terrible if your husband lost interest in his family! All the best to you.

  7. sdj Says:
    December 8th, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    I am litterally in the same boat except my husband does want more kids but he wants to wait five years or ten years….and I dont! I too get upset at pregnancy announcements and such!

  8. mystory Says:
    December 9th, 2011 at 11:58 pm

    I think it’s completely natural for women to want to have a lot of kids or babies one right after the other. It’s embedded in us! Maybe if you don’t mention it for a while your husband will want another one soon.

  9. Anonymous Mom Says:
    December 14th, 2011 at 8:08 am

    I am also worried about what #3 will do to my body. We’re supposed to be beautiful and perfect, yet we’re supposed to want to be mothers. Something has to give!

    No one should be offended at your desire to have more children. How many you have or don’t isn’t their business. I have two children, a boy and a girl. People tell me “oh, so you’re all done, right? because you have one of each?” Am I supposed to feel bad for wanting more?

    Then if I mention that my kids are sometimes big pains in the butt, people say “oh, but you’re so lucky to have them! I know so-and-so who couldn’t!” Well I’m sorry to hear that, but that doesn’t mean my kids aren’t bad sometimes! Am I supposed to feel bad because I don’t think my kids are perfect angels?

    Your husband could not want another baby for any number of reasons. (I found out that my husband didn’t want another baby because he has been concerned for me because of my C sections.) Talk to him about it, and don’t let him wiggle out of the conversation. Ask him every day if you have to. If you give in and don’t have another baby that you want, you’ll regret it.

  10. mar Says:
    December 14th, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    I’m inclined to agree about having #3. I’ve only had 1 on my own (married my husband and inherited a step-daughter, she’s 15), and I was clear about wanting a #2 baby – he’s been resisting and resisting. It brings me back to stories my mother told me about when SHE was in her 20′s; she’s been married 2 times, and had 2 children, but also had 2 abortions and regrets them so bitterly. Granted, if she hadn’t had them, my oldest sibling would be 44 now (which would be crazy, but awesome!).

    I’ve yearned my whole life for a large family, and reading that same uteral yearning from other words makes my uterus ache for you as well (sympathetically). I remember when my son was born and how I would be washed over in waves of breastfeeding bliss, drowning in oxytocin, thinking only about having more babies and loving and cherishing every warm and motherly moment I was soaking up.

    Trully being a mother must be the most amazing thing in the world. We might not always feel it, or feel great about ourselves, or like how we look; but look at how awesome this is!

    Wait it out a little; 2 babies at such a close age can be harder sometimes on men than it is on women. But the baby stage will end quickly for both of them, which is when that opening for #3 will be much better. :)

  11. Serenity Says:
    December 28th, 2011 at 12:03 am

    Hey everyone.

    Thanks for all the positive words, I was without a computer for a while and couldn’t reply.

    I am still waiting for my husband to agree. Both boys asked for a sister for Christmas!! But obviously that isn’t going to happen!

    I hope everyone had fantastic christmas holidays!

  12. Serenity Says:
    December 28th, 2011 at 12:04 am

    and again, thank you for all the comments on me and the boys, they really are beautiful!!

    :)

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