Third Pregnancy

Really Having a Hard Time With This (Kali)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Child Loss, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 21 Comments

Age: 38
# of pregnancies:3 total, 2 miscarriages before 12 weeks, 1 full term
Postpartum: 4 weeks postpartum, C-Section

At my age and given that I lost 2 pregnancies before this I should really not be so vain, but I am horrified and floored at what I look like now. I don’t think that time or exercise are going to help.

I started my pregnancy at 5’5″ and hovering between 151 and 155 pounds. I lookied pretty good at that weight because I carried a lot of muscle, although 145 would have been perfect. I felt like garbage my whole pregnancy and lost my job at the end of my first trimester, so I was not very active. I did not, however, eat like a crazy woman.

Imagine my shock when I weighed myself the day before I had the baby and was at 205! FIFTY pounds. The stretchmarks aren’t too bad, fairly faint and all on the lower belly.

In the 2 weeks after I had him I lost 35 pounds. I really had no appetite after the c-section, so it wasn’t too hard. Now, however, my metabolism seems to have crashed. The scale hasn’t budged in 2 weeks, and I am eating healthfully, and trying to eat more to keep myself from going into starvation mode. I started walking 1 week postpartum and just started back at the gym this week.

Here’s the thing, I could handle the stretchmarks, I could handle the fat, even the fact that my boobs have gone down a cup size and headed south, but the hanging apron of skin is just gross. I feel deformed. It even smells bad under there so several times a day I have to pull up the flap of skin and clean & dry the area so it soesn’t get all sweaty & nasty. Plus I think I have a hernia. I feel a weird “ball” just over my belly button. The front pictures don’t look so bad, but the side picture shows the hangy stuff.

My fiance is loking to be intimate and I just hate the thought of exposing myself to him. He’s several years younger and has a permanent 6-pack, and although he would never say anything bad about the way I look, I can’t deal with the thought of him being secretly turned off by what’s happened to my body. I know I am.

A Lost Son, A Blessed Son, A Missed Son (Andrea)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, No Photos (Story Only), Submissions, Third Pregnancy 5 Comments

I got married in July the 19th [On my 22th birthday] 2000, to my husband Patrik. In January next year I found out I was pregnant, with twin boys, the whole pregnancy went well and October the 12th Anton and Isac were born. I found it realy great being a mom and I loved it. Just before the boys were about to turn two I found out that I was expecting triplets, I was quite chocked but happy of course. And a few days after my husbands birthday the triplets were born natrually, two girls an one boy, in the 22th of April. Hannah, Jocelyn and Zack was they named to. When the triplets had turned two we had settled in in a new home and everything. Just an ordinary day I took Zack with me to go shopping, but on the way there some truck smashed the side of the car were Zack was sitting. I woke up on the hospital were I worked and was told that my son did´nt make it, he had internal dameges and died after a few hours. It took my breath out of me, how could that be possible, we was just going to the mall and now he was dead. I accused myself badly and almost get depressed, I thought things like ”Why could´nt I save him, and me who is supposed to be a doctor. Why should I survive when he did´nt”. It almost got so far that I almost tried to take my own life, but then I thought that I got four other kids who need me and I can´t just not leave them. I started to slowly recover, both my mind and my body. I had broken an arm, a leg, three ribs and one hip, it took me about six month to recover. The way back to the ordinary life was hard, it seamed like they knew something had happend and they cried almost 24/7. The girls had lost their triplet and were now just twins. I tried to be strong for their sake and in front of them I did´nt crie but when they all slept I took it out on my husband, who had to be strong to keep something together. It went to the better, I was´nt that sad all the time, and enjoyed my other kids progress. But I felt guilty for not showing that I missed him but I understnad later on that he wanted us to enjoy life even if he could´nt be there and share it with us, even if he just was two years old. A few months after our loss I found out I was pregnant again and it came as a chock when I found out that it was multiples, as much as five. I did´nt want five more kids, but I had not the heart to kill them an they were born 27th June. Two girls and three boys. Jessica, Adrian, Theresa, Lucas and Jesper. I was able to enjoy life again even if the sorrow was clambing by my heart. I even wrote a story decated to Zack. You will always be there with us in our hearts… [Sorry for my bad english]

Current age: 31 this year
Pregnancies and births: Three, ten children born
Age of children: Anton and Isac 8 years in October. Hannah and Jocelyn [Zack] 6 years. Jessica, Adrian, Theresa, Lucas and Jesper 3 years in June.

Young Mama, 3 Babies, Ex-Stripper (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Homebirth, Piercing, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 12 Comments

Ripe, Soft and fertile..

I was 57kg with 10c bust for seven years before pregnancy number 1 at age 23. (first two photos)

Danced till I was 12 weeks pregnant- then left because I was self conscious of my rounded tummy.

Put on 30kg rocketed to a 14ee bust and naturally birthed (No Drugs) Son 9pd. An alert energetic soul born after a 10 hour first labour.

I religiously oiled myself with jojoba daily and didn’t get a single stretchmark on my tummy, yet my milk engorged breasts were fanned with them.

Got back down to 64kg back stripping at 7 months post partum. (pink bikini photo)

Pregnancy number two had me rocket up to 95kg. a grand gain of 38kg over my original weight.

Yet I danced Until I was 20 weeks. I kept the weight down until then and had a wonderful 1950’s style outfit- corset/stockings/suspenders and no-one noticed!! I just made my hair bigger and lipstick redder!!! My final night I was dancing to raise the money for the liquor for my wedding.

I married the next week, my belly finally popped and we announced the pregnancy at the ceremony.

I was sad that I couldn’t have the dress of my dreams, nor a hens night…due to my pregnancy.

I was terribly self conscious and sad- I felt like I had to apologise as to why I was so heavy.

I couldn’t find clothes to fit, I even went up a shoe size to a size 10 (Aus) I was a size 18-20.

However, during the pregnancy I had an overall sense of calmness and ended up with a 5hr Labour.

naturally birthing unassisted my second son- 10pd. Born into water in our loungeroom. The most loving gentle soul I have ever met.

I didn’t lose any weight after the birth and was constantly being asked by strangers and friends I hadn’t seen in a while- “When” your baby due??” (Sometimes even when I was holding my newborn”

My answer was always cheerful- “I’ve HAD my baby! It just takes a while for my tummy to go back!”

But It never did. Breastfeeding, Physio, Gym, remedial massage, diets.. Nothing worked.. I still looked pregnant 16 weeks later, when indeed I did conceive and fill it with another baby..

Terrified of another enormous gain on top of the current weight- Under supervision- I hit the gym.

Best thing I ever did. I ended the pregnancy lighter than I started.

Another Natural Birth- 1HR 15MINS active labour 9pd 6oz baby girl.

So now, Im back to 84kg and have a realistic goal of a 14kg weight loss.

Two weeks after the birth I awoke to a spread of stretchmarks across my lower abdomen.

I laughed..after all the pregnancies- I couldn’t believe that the tiny tummy of my daughters had caused the marks!

I am now at peace with my body- and yes, I wore a bikini three weeks post partum in Bali. (last photo)

3 kids in- I earn’t my curves and know that in my old age I will look back on these days as the best years of my life.

Blessed with Youth, Ripe, soft and fertile..

The Liberation of my Breasts (Amy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Breasts, Mom over 30, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 19 Comments

When I was young I noticed breasts, mostly those that were perky and well-rounded. I had already been swayed by the world into thinking that there’s a sort of standard for the parts of a woman’s body that feed her young. As I grew into my teens and looked at my own mother’s breasts I saw those of a woman, and I didn’t like what I saw. I wanted mine to be perfect, perky, and round.

Before becoming a mother my breasts weren’t “perfect” since perfect was an image that I could not maintain – it was outside of my body, it was outside of me. They were small, round (at least from what I remember), and I had the standard breast that was larger than the other. “Rocket tits” were among the comments I received about my protruding nipples.

During my first breastfeeds I noticed the love that flowed through my body into my daughter and I had a new found love for my breasts – a circle of love completion. Oh – so that’s what they’re for! It all came together.

And then I had two more children and my breasts waxed and waned as they got smaller and larger, and more stretched out. I really connected with a Momma blogger’s post about “can I sling them over my shoulder to feed the baby in the backseat!”

When I went through a divorce recently I realized I had some serious negativity towards the way my breasts looked. As much as I *tried* to love them I was afraid of how they would be perceived by others – specifically a man. (I knew darned well my children didn’t care!)

So I chose to finally walked through the fear. At age 32, almost three years postpartum from the youngest who is still nursing, and with three children, I bare my beautiful breasts to the world. I love them. I love me.

Thank you to The Shape of a Mother for providing the platform you do that allows women to liberate themselves from body hatred.

050509-amy-1

Updated here.

Baby Belly 7 Months PP (AnneMarie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 7 Comments

I’m 31 and my 3rd baby daughter is now 7 months old and gorgeous of course :), my first daughter weighed 9lbs 9oz, my second 10lb 6, and my last 7 lb which is tiny for me. i got some stretch from my first pregnancy just on my belly, but my second i got loads all over my belly, when i was in labour the pressure of pushing her out made my body swell and i got stretch marks on the back of my knees, when my milk came in my breasts went from a b cup to at least a dd cup and then i had stretch marks on my breasts underneath as well as on top!! i dint get any new marks with my last pregnancy but my skin is even more saggy now. im thinking about a tummy tuck as it uncomfortable and i feel ugly and ashamed of my stomach which is a shame as when i look at the women on here that feel the same as me i think they look fine even though they may look like me??? All the women on here are beautiful :)

12 Weeks Postpartum, Third Pregnancy (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Eating Disorder, Piercing, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Submissions, Tattoo, Third Pregnancy 7 Comments

I had my third little girl twelve weeks ago. I am 27. My first daughter is seven (weighing 6lb 1oz at birth), my second daughter is three, (weighing 4lb 12 oz at birth) and my third daughter weighed 4lb 14oz.

When I was younger I had anorexia and issues with self harm, and body image has always been a really big issue for me. I wish it wasn’t, but it is and there does not seem to be much I can do about it. After my last two babies were born I have had depression. I have hated my body so much that it makes me feel physically sick when I look in the mirror. I know that sounds silly, but I guess it’s because of the illness in the past.

I know I can’t go back to being the way I was before I had my babies, but sometimes I wish I could. A few weeks ago I was thinking about surgery ( tummy tuck, breast surgery ) but have realised that I am different because of my kids and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Instead, I have started to eat healthy foods, and have taken up pilates. I’m planning on getting a new hair style too! Hopefully I can start to feel better about myself, and get to a point where I don’t think about it all of the time, where I am not worried about what I look like when I go out places, or take my clothes off at home. I just want to feel like me again!

The Loss of my Son and Daughter (Keisha)

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, No Photos (Story Only), Poetry, Submissions, Third Pregnancy

Becoming a mother is one of the best feelings in the world to experience. You can’t believe to be bringing someone very special in this world, and they be a part of you. My son Demetrius was born January 14 2000, 8 lbs 1 oz. A big and healthy baby. I did everything I knew to do in making sure my baby would be healty, but sometimes there are things beyond your control no matter how hard you try. My son died on Feburary 15, 2000 at the hospital. I was devestated and hurt to the core of my bones because how could this happen. What was wrong with my son that he would leave me so soon. But things happened for a reason and at that time I didn’t know or cared what that reason was. All I knew was that my sweet baby boy was no longer with me. The death of my son even traumatized my oldest son because he was close with his brother even though it was a short time that Demetrius spent on this earth. As time went I was depressed a lot and so was my son. Three years had past and I was pregnant again. This time I was making sure that everything I did was good for my baby. The only thing was I kept thinking back what if the same thing that happened to my son would happen once more, but after getting a lot of advice and counseling from friends and family and professionals, they said lighting would not strike twice in the same spot. I wanted so bad to beleive that. I started beleive what everyone said and I let my guard down. My due date was approaching, then my due date was here, I was in labor for 5 days straight. All the contractions and the pain was hurting me, but I was excited that I was getting ready to bring my daughter home. I had a doctors appointment and then the doctor checked me, I was scared when she told me that she couldn’t find the heart beat and when she did it was a sing of relief. She said by 8 pm that night you would be in full labor. I went home and five hours later, it was time to go to the hospital. I was excited because the time was getting closer to bring home my baby, but it didn’t happened that way. When I got to the hospital and was checked out by the nurse they couldn’t find a heart beat, I told them that I went to the doctor’s earlier and they had a hard time finding the heartbeat. The nurses told me something that I didn’t want to hear. They said to me that I’m sorry that there isn’t a heartbeat, that my baby had died. Screaming, criying, yelling and heartbroken I was once again devestated by the news of my daughter that was supposed to be born on June 11, 2003. After having to push my daughter out, the doctors and everyone else saw what the problem was. The umblical chord was wrapped around my daughters neck. Once againg my son and I was heartbroken because we weren’t able to have no time with either son or daughter. Here is a poem that I wrote for both of my children, writing this poem got me through that awful time. The poem is attached to the email.

My Beautiful Angels

God chose me to have his angels
In my eyes that’s what I see
God chose me to have his angels
To my surprise because I had three
God chose me to have his angels
Because I was told that I could have none
God chose me to have his angel
But he took two and I kept one
Because my Angel baby what a gift from GOD
So innocent good and sweet
I think about you every night and day
Tears come down I weep
Knowing that I must be special
To get this gift from God
With the time we shared
On this earth
Giving you back was hard
My special baby
I love

Am I Really Going to Be a Mommy Again?

Bonnie (SOAM) Child Loss, No Photos (Story Only), Submissions, Teen Mom, Third Pregnancy 7 Comments

When I was 18 I had my first baby girl. It was my first pregnancy I was a very mature 18 year old and very ready for my daughter. My pregnancy was great no problems or complaints I delivered my daughter Destiny at 39 weeks She was born at 10:11 am on May 14th 2000 wich happened to be Mothers Day that year. She was absolutely beautiful she weighed 8lb12 oz and was 21 inches in length she had the chubbiest cheeks and a full head on black hear. Destiny was “healthy” at birth and came home with me. We spent 7 wonderful weeks at home I breast fed and she ate and gained weight appropriately she went to her five day and one month doctor visit. She was perfectly normal and very alert the nurse even thought she was 5 months not 5 weeks she talked with the doctor the whole visit cooing and smiling. Just two weeks later on July 3rd Destiny woke up with a swollen eye lid I immediately thought conjunctivitis and then I noticed her breathing was more like panting. I took her immediately to the hospital where they told me she was very sick and had cancer. They rushed us to Boston Childrens Hospital.There I found out it was leukimia, we fought for her all day. Destiny passed away at 1:37 am July 4th hardest day of my life. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my little angel Destiny. Over time it has gotten a lot easier and now 9 years later I am expecting my 2nd baby girl, I am so happy I could cry. I am 21 weeks along and so far everthing looks great. I just can’t help feeling that this isn’t real and in just 18 weeks and 3 days I will deliever my 2nd baby. I have been feeling my little one move around for over a month and she is getting stronger by the day. I just feel like this is a dream I don’t believe it am I realy going to have a baby. Is she going to be healthy. I had one other pregnancy in may of ’08 and i misscarried at six or 7 weeks so after the two losses I just have so many doubts, Is this normal?I know I am going to love her. I really just don’t believe I am going to get to be a mommy again.

Anonymous

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breastfeeding, Breasts, Butt, Eating Disorder, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Third Pregnancy 30 Comments

I and 24 and have had three children in the past 5 years. I fought with anorexia (although I was never diagnosed) when I was 17 and 18 before I got pregnant with my first child. I have always had a negative body image. I almost feel like if I’m not thin, people won’t appreciate me. They will see me as a failure.

All my pregnancies had no serious complications. I gained 60 pounds with my first (I started at 123), 50 pounds with my second (I started at 140), and 25 pounds with my third (I started at 165). I am 5’9″. I lost almost all of my weight after my first but then gained 15 pounds back after I got married. I only lost 25 pounds with my second then got pregnant when he was 8 months. My daughter is now 9 months old. I lost down to 155 because I had bad postpartum depression, but in the past few months have gone back up to 170 since I am HAPPY again ;o).

I don’t exercise because I am LAZY. Even though I am the biggest I have ever been, I am not depressed like I used to get about my weight. I think most of it is because I have three children to show for it. I love my body because of what it has given me, but I DO want it to be healthy. I want to feel better physically. I can feel how heavy I am and THAT’S what bothers me more than what I look like. I’m determined to get in shape. I don’t mind being this size. I just want to be healthy.

I’m not ashamed of my stretch marks. I have them all over. On my hips and belly and breasts. The thing I hate the most about my body is my “mom butt/hips” and my belly flap. It just hangs there when I even slightly bend over.

The women I see on this site are so beautiful. Stretch marks. Scars. Boobies that are less than “perfect”. It’s amazing because of what we’ve been through. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could see ourselves through over people’s eyes? I don’t think we’d see the same thing at all. We are our own worse critic.

What my body can do! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Homebirth, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 14 Comments

I am 3 months pp with baby number 3, and I couldn’t be happier. I LOVE pregnancy and birth, and feel so empowered to have accomplished 3 wonderful natural births, the last two at home in my bedroom. I have some deep stretch marks on my belly, but they are sacred and special to me, reminding me of how blessed I am to have carried life in my womb, every time I see them, they make me smile! I couldn’t imagine not having had the opportunity I have had to carry my babies and nourish them in my womb, and then with my breast milk. How could I resent something that represents such an amazing and special time in my life?

I worked very hard during my pregnancies, working out to the day before delivery with each one, and eating a healthy diet. I gained 21lbs with my first baby and 26 lbs with both my second and third. At 10 weeks pp this time I was already 2lbs below my starting weight, and feeling great. Though I kept the weight gain to a minimal my body has made definite changes over the three pregnancies. Of course there are the stretch marks, and my shape is no longer that of a 17 year old girl, to me it now has the shape of a mother, and that is nothing to be ashamed of!!!

I am 25 years old and married to my high school sweet heart. My boys are 4.5yrs old, 2 years old, and 3 months old. Here are some pictures of what my body has done during the past few years!

-The first picture is at my Home Birth just after my third son was born in November 2008, 3 months ago. What an amazing feeling to know my body is capable of this!!

-The next two are me just about 1 year after my second son was born, not long before I found I was expecting my third. I had worked very very hard at the gym to try to tone my body, so I just kept right up with it all the way through my pregnancy.

-The next two are me 40 weeks pregnant on my Due Date with my third baby (4 days before he was born)

-Then a picture of my big stretch mark while I am in labour at home, and the next is my belly just about 2 hours or so after he was born.

-And finally me today, 3 months PP after 3 beautiful boys were born from my body.