An Update to my Story (Jen)

27
3 pregnancies, soon to be 3 births (all c-sections)
5, 3 and due in 4 weeks

I originally posted this in December of 2006. To recap, we were in a serious car accident when I was 24 weeks pregnant with our second child, and it left me with pelvic injuries, and depression. I read my submission recently, and was shocked that I didn’t see at the time just how depressed and angry I was!

I have grown a lot since then. It has been 4.3 years since the accident, and I have finally gotten a diagnosis, and some realistic expectations from my physicians. I have an unstable pelvis, SI joint dysfunction and deterioration, and myofascial pain syndrome. I’m never going to be pain free again, and I have exhausted the available treatments at this time. I can choose to have more prolotherapy, which involves injections of a sugar solution in to the joints in my pelvis/lower back, but having had ~250 injections at this point (20 – 25 per treatment, x 10 treatments,) I have learned that they do not work. I have been in pain 24/7 for the last 4.3 years, but I no longer allow it to rule me. I beat depression, have started a support group for moms coping with chronic pain, and am using my experiences to help other moms who are in the position I was in. I have adopted a new motto in life: “It is what it is.” I cannot change what happened to me, but I can accept it, move forward, and be an advocate for those who haven’t gotten to this point yet J To remind myself of this, I designed a tattoo using some of my favorite elements, and put it over the injection sites on my lower back on June 6th, 2009.

In my original story, I was struggling with being told that I could not carry another child. I am happy to say that I am proving them wrong, because after a BCP failure in June, I am now expecting my third daughter. She will be arriving via c-section on my YDD’s birthday in 4 weeks. It has been an extremely rough pregnancy, but seeing my daughter will make it all worth while!

Thanks for reading!

My tattoo when I first got it
Me at 35 weeks with # 3 J
My girls at a wedding (flower girls)

Just a few degrees south (Anonymous)

I had my first two children when I was 21 and 23. The pregnancies themselves were perfectly normal and healthy, but I was pretty depressed because the father wanted nothing to do with them. He tried to convince me to abort both times right up until the third trimester. I left him when our second child was a few months old. I went back to school and got my life together. Then, I met a wonderful man who loved my children almost more than I did. We got a married a few years later and then, learned we were pregnant with twins. I had said I didn’t want to have children after 30, so it was perfect timing. Like my first two, this pregnancy was fairly normal and healthy, but I experienced intense pain in my pelvic. I had something called pubic symphosis separation. My midwife wasn’t familiar with it, but she’d sent me to a physical therapist. I worked right up until the day I went into labor at 35 weeks. I had gone in for a regular appointment and the midwife checked to see if I was having real contractions or just more of the braxton-hicks variety. Turned out I was dilated to four and in full labor – I didn’t even know it. I’d been having contractions for 6 weeks and they felt the same to me.

I’d hoped to have a natural delivery, but both babies were breech. They were born via c-section four hours later. My husband cried as he held his children for the first time. I struggled not to panic and to keep my feelings of complete failure to myself. I had really hoped for a natural birth. Honestly, it wasn’t until I read Colleen’s Ode To My Scar on this site that I began to feel differently about it all.

I have always been plus sized, but after the twins, I shed weight very fast. I now weigh less than I did on my wedding day, but I just have all this skin lined with stretch marks. My husband thinks I am beautiful, and the beauty he sees is reflected in his eyes every time he looks at me. That’s what has helped me come to terms with the amazing body I have now.

This is me at 33 weeks and then today, 11 months pp.

~Age: 31
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 4 children
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 10, 8, 1 year old twins.

This is me (Anonymous)

23 years old
I am now pregnant with my 3 child (10 weeks) and have had 2 births.
My 1st son is 2.9 years old and my second son is 12 months old

I have had a bad body image for such a long time. I always felt like my body was wrong after giving birth to my son. The when I gave birth to my second son I felt worst. I would look at my self and think *yuck* I could not understand why my husband thought I was so beautiful.

Then one day I decided to start looking at myself differently. If my husband could see that I am beautiful and not fat (I would always call myself fat) then why couldn’t I. So I started telling myself That my body was beautiful and that it was ok to look the way I do. A lot of the time I did not believe this.

When it was time to find a gift for my husband I wanted to give him something he would really enjoy. I kept asking him what he wanted for our anniversary and all he would say is “my wife”. So I decide to give him just that. I found someone who would do nice natural photos of me for my husband.

I had so much fun doing these photos and I started to really like my body. The photos were taken in my bedroom with natural light and no touch ups were done to my body at all. What you see is what I have. I now have a new love for my body. It’s not what it used to be but it is perfect to me.

I am sure after this baby is born my body will be different again but I am ok with that because I believe it will still be beautiful.

Christine and I have become friends after these photos were taken so she is also taking photos of me while pregnant.

Plus Size and Pregnant -Again (Anonymous)

I am 24 years old and on my third pregnancy. First pregnancy was a miscarriage at 12 weeks. Second pregnancy resulted in my beautiful Daughter born 2/21/08. I am now 22 months PP with daughter’s pregnancy and I am 20 weeks pregnant with this pregnancy (another girl). I’ve always been overweight, expect for one time in high school! With my first daughter I was a size 13 at 165 lbs at 5’3″. My pregnancy ended with me hitting almost 210. After I had my daughter I lost weight until I got down to 175 lbs but my body carried weight differently now. At 20 weeks I am now 178 lbs, trying to watch my diet and exercise this time around. I am still in my post pregnancy pants size 14-16 but I wear maternity at well when I want to feel extra comfy. I have been very uncomfortable with my body since the birth of my daughter. Between the stretch marks and the extra skin/fat and my new found hips and butt I have been really hard on myself. I want to feel beautiful but it is hard when you don’t feel like you will ever get your body back again. Anyways I know there are so many other woman, big and small, that feel the same as me and I wanted to share my story and pictures to show you that you are not alone. I hope someone finds comfort in my post as I have found comfort in others posts.

~Your Age: 24 (25 this month)
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancy, one m/c, on birth, currently pregnant DUE 5/24/10
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Daughter is 22 months

Mom shocked by diagnosis (Penelope)

Age 30

Hello Well my name is Penelope and I am a mom of 3 beautiful children. My oldest daughter is 7 with a normal pregnancy and birth my second daughter is 3 with a normal 40 week pregnancy and birth. But after She had not passed the meconium and the doctors noticed her belly was veiny and distended they rushed her to the OR at 12 hours old. She under went surgery to remove the meconium that had hardened in her intestine. While she is recovering in the NICU my husband daughter and I play the waiting game,finally the surgeon comes to tell us that they suspect Cystic Fibrosis is the culprit in all of this. What is that ? We were both blown away , we had no idea what all this meant. It was confirmed after genetic testing that she did in fact have Cystic Fibrosis. I was in tears for about 3-4 months after that. She was released from the NICU at 3 months old…..My husband and I always wanted a lot of kids, but after this shocker, we didn’t feel right bringing another baby with a life threatening disease into the world. Although we felt strongly about this we were happy to find I was pregnant again!!!:) We wanted to know right away if the baby had CF. I underwent a CVS test and the test revealed the baby was free and clear of all CF genes and was not even a carrier. And it’s a Boy!!! So much stress went into that test we had to wait 12 weeks before we could take it and another 2 weeks for the results…..Anyway long story short, my little girl is doing well .With with all her therapies and feeding problems she is a normal energetic kid…… We are so blessed, Have never looked back and keep moving forward:)

These pics are 18 months post partum
7 year old girl
3 year old girl
18 month old boy

It’s not easy the third time around, when your 38 years old! (Anonymous)

When I found out I was pregnant in May of 2008 I was thrilled! I was 37 years old, and by husband was 49. We both have children from previous marriages. I had a 15 year old son, and a 12 year old son, and my stepson was 9 years old.

We had just celebrated our 5 year anniversary in Las Vegas, and…Well, what happens in Vegas didnt stay there! We were not using any form of birth control, and hadnt for 5 1/2 years. We initially had wanted to try to have a baby, but after 3 years of it not happening, we assumed it wouldnt. I thought it was for the best anyway, because I have VERY difficult pregnancies, and felt it was a blessing I had been able to carry my two sons as long as I had. Both of my boys were born early, at 31, and 33 weeks. They were 4lbs 3 oz, and 4 lbs12 oz at birth.

I have what is called a dildelphys uterus, wich actually means I have two completely seperate uterus, and they are each half the size of a normal uterus, making me go into labor early. The first time I went into labor it was at 29 weeks, and I was in the hospital till my son was born 2 weeks later. With my second pregnancy I started having contractions once at 23 weeks, and then badly at 26 weeks, and had to be on bedrest and on a home monitor & trebutaline pump till 33 weeks, going in and out of the hospital several times for short stays, till they just couldnt stop the labor any longer.

Early on with this pregnancy I found out that this baby was in the “left” uterus, when both of my boys had been in the “right” uterus. This was bad, because the doctors beleive that with each pregnancy the uterus stretches a little more, and since this one was brand new, we didnt know if maybe it was smaller & I wouldnt be able to carry as long. Everything was unknown all over again.

I could tell early on, at about 16 weeks that things were going to be tough, because that is when I started noticing contractions. I was constantly drinking tons of water & laying down till it seemed things would settle down. My doctor was more optomistic then I, and I think he and my husband ( not having gone through this with me before) all thought I was over reacting or imagining things.

I found out in September 09 I was having a girl, and was THRILLED. it was the answer to my prayers! I had been told during my first pregnancy that my son was a girl ( Oops! YES…ultra sound techs make mistakes, and I had THREE ultra sounds in late pregnancy & no one caught the error!) so I had been so shocked when I had a boy, I had thought for years I would only have my two sons. I was also happy it was a girl because they always say girls do better when born prematurely, and I needed all the help we could get!

I only got to be overjoyed for a few weeks before the contractions kicked in pretty badly. At a routine exam at 21 weeks I told the doctor after an uneventful visit that before I left I wanted to hook up to their monitor & check for contractions because I kept feeling an odd tightening sensation in my abdomen . He allowed me to do so, and seemed like he was just doing it to give me peace of mind. After 15 minutes of monitoring & insane contractions showing, he looked pale & sent me immedialty to the hospital, where I was given shots of trebutaline and after about 8 hours was allowed to go home. The next day I got my trebutaline pump & home monitor again. I was on total bedrest from 21 weeks, and only allowed up for doctors visits, to shower & use the bathroom. It was tough going through that, but thankfully since my other kids were older they were somewhat able to help out, and we all managed ok. At 26 weeks I started bleeding quite badly & rushed to the hospital, to stay for 2 weeks while they tried to figure out what was going on. They guessed it was placenta abruption, though there were no signs of an abruption on the ultra sounds. I was so scared going back home that something terrible would happen & I woiuldnt get to the hospital on time, and after that I was not ever tempted to get up again or do anything but lay around. Needless to say, 2 1/2 months of inactivity turned my once nice muscle to mush, and I gained 40 pounds during my pregnancy, much of it at the end because I was just laying around eating non-stop. I wanted to make my baby big & strong & ate tons of everything healthy, and quite a bit of some not so healthy stuff!

The day I turned 33 weeks I was celebrating because the next day would be the longest I had ever carried a pregnancy. When I went to the bathroom there was the teeniest amount of spotting, and I couldnt believe it could happen to the day it had before! My husband took me to the hospital to be monitored, but I wasnt having many contractions, so after a few hours they were ready to send me home. Suddenly my daughters heart took a dive, and several nurses rushed in & gave me oxygen. They thought maybe she had just been on the cord, but said I should spend the night so they could continue to monitor the baby to make sure it didnt happen again.

It was the longest day and night ever! My babies heart continued to slow to 50 beats a minute several times, causing chaos with the nurses making me roll back & forth & get up on my hands and knees trying to move the baby off of the cord. They made me use a bedpan because every time I got up to use the restroom when I came back & hooked up her heart beat was dropping. I had to be on oxygen all night. At midnight they came in & explained that if it happened one more time they were going to do a crash c-section & told me how they would put a tube down my throat to put me out & that the baby would be out within 2 minutes. I was so scared! My husband had gone home to the other kids, and the nurses promised if they took me to surgery they would call him immedialty.

Strangely enough once they said “if it happens one more time” I had no other issues. That is, till 8:00 am. My husband had just gotten there & was with me when it started. They didnt rush me to surgery like I expected, but rather called my doctor & kept trying to figure out what to do. It happend about 4 more times before the “big one”. The last time the babies heart didnt come back up, and about 7 nurses ran into the room. They were ripping my clothes off & putting a new gown on me, and tossing me from one gurney to another, and before I knew what was happening I was whisked down the hall. Thankfully they didnt have to put me out, so I was awake & aware the moment my daughter was born via c-section at 12:00 on 12-16-2008. She was beautiful & cried like a regular newborn at birth. She was 4 pounds 7 ounces, and so healthy all she needed was a few puffs of oxygen at birth. She was never placed in an incubator, and was in my room with me the last 2 days of my 4 day stay in the hospital. EVERYONE said she had to be more then 33 weeks along, but me and my doctor knew better, because he had done ultasounds at 5, 6 & 8 weeks, and said there is no way she was further along. He also said he had never seen a baby so premature do this well immedialty. She came home 5 days after she was born, and did not need an apnea monitor. It was amazing.

So….That’s the long story…it makes me so happy just thinking about it. What doesnt make me happy is the battle I have had since trying to loose that 40 pounds I put on!
I am 5’10 so I didnt look huge pregnant, and did not get any stretch marks. That is the positive. The negative is that my skin, being 38 years old is stretched out pretty bady & not returning to normal! It has taken so much longer to loose the weight this time too. I work out like a mad women, and do bootcamp classes 2 times a week, plus tons of cardio, and worked out for 3 1/2 months with a trainer as well. Sometimes at 3-4 months post partum I would get up at 2:30 an, feed the baby, put her back to bed & go to Golds gym & work out from 3:30 am to 5:00, then come home & go back to bed!

I couldnt stand the way I looked, and the feel of my skin sagging on my belly was awful. It didnt feel like I was inside my own body, but somebody elses nasty
stretched out fat body. It was tuff! I am still not sure why or how I went to the gym like that in the middle of the night! It all seemed like I was dreaming while I did it. Once I got down to 8 pounds to my prepregancy weight it was easier to live with myself, and I stopped THAT insanity…though I still work out 4-5 days a week.

I am 11 months post partum now, and still have 4 pounds to loose. The loose skin is still pretty bad on my abdomen, but I guess I can live with it. I went to a surgeon who told me he would suggest a tummy tuck, not just lipo, because of all of the extra skin I have. I have to believe that I am still slowly returning to normal, and a hip to hip scar would be so much more horrible then my c-section scar! I don’t mind it, because It reminds me of the moment my daughter was born.

So….I am 38 years old,
Mom of 3..ages 16, 14 & 11 months.
5′ 10 and 134 lbs.

I know it was all worth it, and certainly don’t mind working hard to “get my body back”, but I see now that what I was doing so soon after the birth of my baby was obsesive.

I just want to be happy with my daughter & not be so focused on something as shallow as what my belly will look like in a bikini…or trying to keep up with the other 20 somethings I know who have all bounced back faster & more easily.

The pictures I attached are of me at 30 weeks, before pregnancy, 32 weeks, and now, 11 months pp.

Acceptance Achieved (Anonymous)

As a teen
I hated my body
Too thin, so ugly
No breasts, no hips, no butt
I longed for curves
I cried

As a first time mother
I hated my body
Still too thin
But now with stretch marks
I longed for smooth skin
I cried

As a second time mother
I hated my body
Mores stretch marks
And now a saggy tummy
I longed for my teen body
I cried

As a third time mother
I hated my body
I finally gained weight
But in all the wrong places
I longed to feel beautiful
I cried

Now, finally, as a woman
I decide to love my body
Accept motherhood’s curves and
Enjoy the shape given to me
By my three beautiful children
I smile

Baby got bigger, I got smaller -update from previous entry (Anonymous)

Facts: 3 pregnancies, 2 children, 1 cesarean. 2 1/2 years postpartum. Age 27.

Story: I first posted to The Shape of a Mother in an entry in April 2008 entitled “Never Been More Proud“.

I wanted to update because I talked about in that entry how proud I was of my body for the 2 miracles it created, and while that was true and still is true today, back then I really did not like my reflection in the mirror too much. It wasn’t long after that submission that I started working on my outward appearance…not for anyone else, but for MYSELF. To feel better about MYSELF.

And since then I have lost about 60 lbs! There are still some things I would like to work on and my body still definitely looks like a mother’s body, saggy stomach and all. But, I feel better about myself and my body now at this moment in my life than I have in years. No, it’s not perfect, but perfection is an illusion. All I want is to feel the best I can physically and mentally and have good self esteem so that I can raise my children to be happy with their bodies and feel good about themselves. And that is what I have accomplished since my last submission. I feel so good about myself now and am finally, for the first time in a long time, happy with what I see in the mirror. It’s still a work in progress, but as of right now, I feel great. :)

I tried to re-create the same image as in my last submission for comparison.

120109-anon-1

4 months postpartum & 2 under 2yrs (Proudmommy0709)

Well I’m still getting used to this mommy belly, and saggy breasts… The past 2 years my body has gone through a lot, I know that. I AM very proud, but at the same time I am not satisfied with the way my body looks. When I had my son Nov 27th 2007 I did get a lot more stretch marks from him & a saggy belly. As you can see thank goodness, my stretchmarks from him have faded a lot. I really don’t think when I was pregnant with my daughter than much changed, my first pregnancy really did all the damage, and I really didn’t have much time in between pregnancies to try and get back into shape. But now I am 185lbs. and I just started working out everyday, and I have changed my daily diet. I have seen a few mothers really inspire me, seeing their before & afters (postpartum & after they lost weight). I’m just really hope that my saggy skin isn’t so bad that I can’t get rid of it naturally. I will be soo satisfied with just that! I don’t care about the stretchmarks… its the skin that I hate! And my breast!… I’m 21, yess I’ve breastfed for 2 years practically and I feel like they look so saggy…. I miss my perky ones : ( lol that I know will never come back ohhh well! I’m just thankful I have a beautiful family now : ) Thanks for letting my share a tiny piece of my story… And if any mothers out there HAVE lost weight & did get rid of that saggy belly let me know! I’d love to hear you’re story & what u did

Age- 21
Pregnancies & births- 3 pregnancies 2 births
Age children- 23 months, & 4months
Postpartum- 4months

Finally feel like a woman! (Erin)

I always felt like I wasn’t very feminine looking – my breasts were small, my body thin… I didn’t feel like a woman at all – until I had my children (2 daughters, now aged 3 and 16 months)… I actually wound up thinner, and with smaller breasts than before children, but I have now found new respect for my body, and it’s purpose! I’ve created two beautiful little beings (and breastfed both successfully), and that makes me as womanly as the next….

Photos are:
38 Weeks with my first….
38 weeks with my second….
Breastfeeding my second….
Me today….

~Your Age:24
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies (1x miscarriage at 7wks) and 2 births – girls aged 3 and 16 months
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: As above.