Submissions

Scared to Gain Weight (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Eating Disorder, No Photos (Story Only), Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 11 Comments

I’m 21 years old and I’ve struggled with both anorexia and bulimia since I was 17 years old. I was about 120 when I got pregnant with my first pregnancy I gained about 45 pounds throughout the nine months, and I hated being so big, but since I never ate before my body held on to everything I ate. so towards the end of my pregnancy my daughter remained in my ribs so underneath the bottom part of my stomach was the extra flabby skin, which made me so self conscious, as well as the horrible stretch marks I had. I had my daughter, and tried to lose the weight the healthy way, and that lasted for about a month, I lost all that baby weight and more so quick everyone around me was worried, I ended up weighing 100lb. ad soon after my daughters second birthday I was slowly gaining weight again, then lost it again. well I found out I was pregnant with my second baby a few weeks ago, I’m currently 11 weeks and I have put on about 15lbs since I’ve found out I was pregnant. the thing is I don’t wanna gain a huge amount of weight with this baby and I wanna be healthy throughout this pregnancy, but I constantly feel like I’m going to pass out if I’m not eating. I don’t know what to do. does anyone have any advise they would like to give me. thank you in advance.

2 pregnancies; 1 delivery
2year old little girl
I currently have no pictures to send in.

7 Month Update (Shantel)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 11 Comments

7 months post 1 pregnancy age 24.

So I made a post about 3 months ago it can be found here.

It has been tough but I am finally beginning to have hope for my body. My skin is still sagging badly but the abs are coming back together and my tummy is flattening out I am still considering surgery but I am giving it more time. I have been doing a strict diet for the past three weeks and I’ve lost 13 pounds so far I’m at 118 today so only 8 more pounds till I’m at pre pregnancy weight !

The first four pictures are from about a month ago. The rest are from now.

5 Months PP and struggling with PPD and body image (MB)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Hyperemesis Gravidarum, Hypoplasia, Insufficient Glandular Tissue (IGT), Postpartum, Submissions 5 Comments

Age: 25
Number of births: 1
Months PP: 5

I am 25 years old and a stay at home mom and wife. I had Hyperemesis during the entirety of my pregnancy and only gained 5 lbs, but seeing as I was already “obese” at 196 lbs when I found out I was expecting my OB said not to worry (easy for them to say, they should try puking 6-14 times a day for 9 months straight!). I delivered my baby 5 months ago via emergency c-section after 18 hours of labor. (I cried so hard when they prepped me for surgery I puked. Last thing I wanted to do at the time).

I am 5’4″ and the last time I was weighed I was 195 (1 month PP) although I feel I’ve lost a few more lbs. I weighed 225 lbs before delivery of my son. Although my hips, thighs, butt and tummy grew, the only part that bothers me is the extra skin hanging down over the bulge left on my belly. Cute bras and panties can cover sagging breasts and big lumpy butts, but hiding a deflated, shriveled belly is harder. I’ve always been short with broad shoulders and wide hips, but my waist has always been tiny giving me an exaggerated hour glass shape that I loved.
I struggled to breastfeed even when doctors told me to give up and just accept formula. My son had a shallow latch and I was not producing milk so he would get frustrated and suckle furiously leaving blisters and broken skin. I had to switch to pumping and refused to give up (I had one episode where I broke down in hysterics because I pumped blood, lovely right?). Through internet research I have found out that I have hyperlastic tuberous breasts and therefore lack a significant amount of breast tissue. After finding out the reason for my lack of milk production and I am overjoyed to announce that I finally am able to almost exclusively breastfeed with only one 4 oz bottle of formula given a day! I no longer blame myself for poor milk production, its a common birth defect and I overcame it in the best way I could.

I am struggling with my body and how ruined it is as well as pp depression (which isn’t helping things). My husband insists that he loves my new body (He went nuts when he discovered how big my butt was getting during the pregnancy) but it’s hard to believe a man who turns down his wife’s advances when the baby is put to bed only to masturbate to porn after she too goes to bed (sobbing). I struggled late in the pregnancy as well because he had been watching “pregnant porn” and barely touching me all the while I was feeling friskier than ever. Why other look at pregnant women and not the one right in front of him? I thought it was just fear of hurting the baby, but he hasn’t stopped. This has also attributed to my lack of confidence. I’ve tried hard to talk to him about it but he gets defensive and angry and tells me “Its just what guys do” and that “I wasn’t giving him what he needed” (this was 4 weeks after surgery while I was hemorrhaging and was in pain) In all other aspects he’s an amazing husband and father, always going out of his way to do what’s best for our son and me.

I am now trying to stop focusing on my belly and focus on the tiny boy who loves to lay on it.

The first pic is of my 5 month pp belly. You can see where a stretch mark popped outwards into a little bubble. 2nd is a side view where you can see the “mother’s apron”

Wishing for a flatter tummy. (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 3 Comments

I am a proud mother of 2 handsome boys. My first is 2 years old and my youngest is 7 months. After my having my first son when I was 19 I was very self conscious about my body. I remember looking in the mirror a few days after giving birth and I couldn’t believe it was me I was looking at I went from 140 to 220 pounds. I developed preeclampsia during my first pregnancy and gestational diabetes during my second pregnancy and had to have a c-section with both pregnancies. Now I find myself struggling to lose weight and get a flatter tummy. I can deal with the stretch marks but wish my tummy was flatter so people can stop asking if I am pregnant. Other than that I am happy with my body and I adore my boys and I am in love with my fiance who has been supportive of me and makes me feel beautiful everyday.

The pictures below is of me 7 months postpartum with my second son

~Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 years old and 7 months old and 7 months postpartum

Me & My Body Against The World! (Amber Gallant)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 6 Comments

My Name – Amber Gallant of Motherhood, Etc.
Age – 23
Pregnancies – 3
Births – 1 – Conor Kaige, 5 years old, via cesarean section.
1 year postpartum, technically.

When I was 17 years old, I found out I was pregnant. I was scared but I knew I wanted to be a mother more than anything, so my journey began.
At 21 weeks, I was diagnosed via ultrasound with Incompetent Cervix and rushed into MacMaster Children’s Hospital for emergency surgery. My cervix was funnelling and dilating, and I was having silent contractions. If I hadn’t had the ultrasound to determine the sex of my baby (a beautiful little boy) I would have lost him forever. Incompetent Cervix has no signs, and the only way doctors can diagnose it normally is by a previous loss. I am grateful every day that they caught mine when they did, and that they were able to successfully place a cerclage (a big ass stitch in my cervix to keep it shut tight and keep baby in!). I was put on strict bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. I was unable to do more than go to and from appointments, use the bathroom and make a snack. At 17, my entire life was my baby. I gained 45 lbs over my entire pregnancy, weighing in at 165 lbs when I went in for my scheduled c-section at 38 weeks. My little man was breech.

After I had him, I struggled with post partum depression. I was convinced I was a terrible mother, but at the same time I tried and tried to convince myself and others in every way that I was more than just a “teen mom”. My thoughts were, they all already think I’m going to fail so I have to do everything within my power to prove them wrong. Which meant that i never asked for help when I needed it, fought for months with severe exhaustion due to my sons monstrous colic, and barely ate. I easily went back down to my pre-pregnancy weight, but that didn’t make my stretch marks any better. I couldn’t wear a bikini or a belly top of any of the cute styles other girls my age were wearing because I had a big scar, flabby stomach and stretch marks everywhere. I had them all over my boobs, my thighs, my butt, my stomach, my sides, even my calves. Big, deep, purple stretch marks that made me even more self conscious than I had been previously. But, I had a baby to raise and I kept on keeping on. Eventually, I met my husband, the love of my life. We got married and I got pregnant, and we were happy.

I was worried about gaining the weight back, but he reassured me that he would love me no matter what.

When I lost baby Caithrin at 15 weeks, even with the stitch (it was due to placental abruption), we were devastated. I was so angry at the world, and even more angry at my body. I felt that as a woman I should be able to do what I was meant to do, create life, and since I wasn’t able to do that and my body KILLED my baby that I was worthless. I slipped into a deep depression for a short time, but with my husbands help we made it through and had hope for another pregnancy and a healthy, full term baby.

After a year of trying to conceive again, we finally became pregnant! I had good vibes all around about this baby, and we did everything right. I took it very easy, had my cerclage placed at 13 weeks and everything was fine. We even decided to purchase a beautiful bassinet that we found because it was antique and I fell in love with it. It was pure bliss. We were going to be parents, I was going to have a baby with the man I love and everything was wonderful again!

When I started bleeding in the middle of the night at 18.5 weeks, I was rushed into the hospital yet again. After a week of hospital bed rest, I delivered my son Lucas. He was so tiny, and they asked if I wanted to hold him but I couldn’t do it. I was exhausted from enduring a painful four hour labor to deliver a dead baby, and I just wanted to sink into the ground and never open my eyes again.

I became very depressed again and gained a ton more weight, including the weight that I gained during my pregnancy. I used food as a crutch to make myself feel better, and it ended up making me feel worse. For the past few months I have been easing myself into a much healthier lifestyle, I eat right and exercise every day, I jog three times a week and I am finally at peace with my body. It may not be able to make any more babies, and it may be all marked up and imperfect from everything I have been through but it’s a beautiful, strong body. A body that has gone through major surgery, 4 spinal epidurals in 6 years, 3 cervical stitches, a massive blood transfusion that was crucial to keep me alive, numerous needles and medications and tests is a body that deserves to be celebrated. I’m not saying I don’t have bad days, I certainly do, but they are getting fewer and fewer. I am learning to love my body for what it is, and what I want it to become.

After all of this, my husband and I have decided not to try for any more children. We have our five year old son, who my husband treats just as he would his own son, we have four crazy pets including a Jack Russell Terrier who is convinced she IS my baby, and we are a happy family. It’s not worth the pain and stress for us to keep trying, and although it took us a long time to get here we have come to terms with the fact that a baby just isn’t in the cards for us. My son was my miracle, and he is enough.
Thank you for listening to my story :)

This is what my body looks like today, 5 years after my first full term pregnancy and 1 year after the loss of my last baby.
This first picture showing my face is before I started working out and running.
The others are to show how my stretch marks and belly look today. You can see the stretch marks on my butt in the last one. I am very self conscious of those and still cannot wear a bathing suit comfortably. Please excuse my dirty mirror, I’m much too busy taking nude pictures to clean today ;)

(Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Third Pregnancy 2 Comments

24 year old mother of three 5 years postpartum I wish i was wiser and did not scratch those itchy stretchmarks being that i was only a child myself, my first pregnancy choices as far as my tummy goes. weren’t the best I Have had all birth’s delivered by c section. I Have forfitted my youthful figure with childbearing. I excercise, when i have time but have are hard time with bellyfat. Recently got my tattoo hoping id feel sexier, but really want a tummy tuck.

My husband loves my body, why can’t I? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Legs, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 13 Comments

Age-24
Pregnancies/Births-1

Today I am 17 weeks postpartum.

Just a little background- I had always had self image problems. I remember puking in middle school until high school were during my junior year I met my now husband.He immediately was putting “meat” on my frail 80lb body. I am 5’2”. So I was really starved and needed the help. My husband and I have been together for 7 1/2 years now. Yes, do the math we met when I was 16. And my husband is 7 years older than I am as well.

During my pregnancy my Mother in Law who lives 2 hours away would say how “huge” I had gotten. I ended up almost destroying our relationship. I didn’t get ONE stretch mark until 32 weeks. After I had my beautiful baby girl I was proud of my baby and my body after the birth. This body created life. Something so beautiful! My husband and I were crazy for each other and our baby! We couldn’t keep our hands off each other- Just as we were just before birth and before I was carrying our baby. I had the birth I dreamed of. I managed the pain and had a natural birth. Our plans came together and we worked together beautifully during the birth.

And then life hit and my mom was in the room after I had taken a bath during the day after having my baby. “Oh my god, your stretch marks are worse than mine” I was still positive then- It had barely been 16 hours. I brushed it off. We come home and I still embrace them. I began nursing her and she grew like a weed! almost 3 pounds in 13 days! After she was a month old I began scrutinizing my body in the mirror. My legs had large amounts almost to my knee cap and my stomach had plenty as well. Ugh. I tried Mederma and used it religiously and would ask my husband if they looked any better.

Months later she still says my stretch marks are worse than hers because I have them on my legs as well. I can’t get over this. I have lost the 27 pounds I gained during pregnancy. And most of the marks have faded. She does ultrasound cavitation you may have seen it on Dr Oz. Anyways she has done that on them as well. And they look somewhat better. But I am to the point now I DO NOT want to be around her. I wear clothes that cover my mid section so she doesn’t have to see a roll or a mark. It’s the same in public as well. I will feel like a goddess at home in my clothes while nursing etc and then when I leave I feel like everyone knows. Everyone sees my marks my scars. They see my tattoo along with the scars and probably think yep she will never show that off again.

I want to wear my stretch marks with pride. My husband LOVES my body now. He loves rubbing it. Hell, He keeps me up most nights rubbing me and shaking my ass begging me to love on him and kiss him. He constantly wants to make love. And I can’t get over my body while making love. He wasn’t like this before- I swear- we loved one another but not like this. It is really like he is obsessed with me now. Why can’t I feel this good about my body if he does?

I am still in the process of healing my mind from the scarring. But, I come to this site often and love to read and look at photos and I figured why not. I could help someone else and it might help me as well. I want to feel like a goddess when I leave my home even when my husband isn’t beside me telling my how beautiful I am. I am afraid if I don’t fix my mind now it could take a toll on our relationship. If you don’t love yourself no one else can love you either.

Photo #1- 2010 photo I took for my husband before we got married.
Photo#2- 38 weeks pregnant- I gave birth just 2 weeks later but I remained the same measurements
photo #3- 3 months post-natal
Photo #4-3 months post-natal side view

Uncomfortable In My Skin (Amber)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 13 Comments

Age: 21, Pregnancies: 1, Births: 1, Children: 1 girl, age 3.

I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant, half way through my senior year of High School. I had my daughter one month after my 18th birthday.

I conceived my daughter the very first time I had slept with my new boyfriend. We found out when I was 8 weeks along. We were both horrified and discussed all the options, we both agreed that abortion was the only way and we couldn’t tell our parents either. Needless to say, I didn’t have an abortion, and I am beyond thankful because I love my daughter more than I have ever loved anything.

I have always been uncomfortable with myself, even before I became pregnant, and now I regret being self conscious when I should have appreciated the body I once had. The scars I have now, I can’t hide. I hate hating my body, so I try to own my beauty and what came from these scars. It’s hard, the hardest battle I have fought is accepting myself. It holds me back in a lot of what I do, I am always careful in making sure that I hide my scars to the best of my ability. It’s on my mind in everything I do, and every move I make. But I realize now, after finding this wonderful site, I’m not the only one.

In the first photo you see me 36 weeks along, the scars were all there, but my boyfriend(now ex/daughters father) photo shopped the picture, and I think that made my self consciousness worse. Knowing that he wasn’t okay with what had happened to my body made me even less okay with it. How was I supposed to love what I had become if the person who helped me do this doesn’t love what I have become. Even worse when we separated, how was I supposed to find someone else who could love what I have become. Another hard battle to fight.

But I have to remember, from these scars came something beautiful, and I will own that.

Photos:
1: 36 weeks pregnant (photo shopped)
2: My belly now
3: The beauty that came from these marks

21 With 2 Babies (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 12 Comments

I’m 21 years old with 2 beautiful little boys. My oldest is 2 and my youngest is 5 months. That makes me 5 months postpartum. I breastfed my oldest for 9 months and am currently still breast feeding my 5 month old. I am still adjusting to my body there are somedays when I feel pretty and other days I want to put on a tshirt and pajama pants and not be seen. I’m only 5;1 and weighed 102 when I got pregnant with my 2 year old. At the end of my pregnancy I weighed 127 and delivered a healthy 6lb 14ounce baby boy. At about 9 months postpartum I was down to 104lbs when i found out I was pregnant again I only gained 21lbs with this last pregnancy but my son weighed in at 7lbs 14ounces. People tell me all the time you don’t look like you’ve had 2 kids and all I can say is I feel like it. My husband tells me I’m beautiful all the time but I just can’t get over the thought I’ve given birth to 2 children there is no way my body is beautiful. I know it’s stupid and we should all love our body’s but society makes that very hard. I love my boys and would do anything for them but I just want to feel good again. This site has helped my realize that all women are beautiful screw what the rest of the world says!

Update: A Year Later and Making Progress (Luisa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 5 Comments

Age-25
2 children 2, 4

After searching ‘bodies after baby’ I came across this site and posted photos of my body (left photos) a month shy of a year ago. Even though I still felt huge, unlike myself and down about my body…the comments that were posted made me feel so much better. Throughout this last year, I have lost 22 lbs. I’m down to 127 now…but it’s so weird that I’m still this big. My 127 pre-baby would have been skinny, now after babies…I still have so much loose skin and fat. I am working hard at adopting better eating habits and working out. I’ve began running again and am trying to get this extra weight off. I know some will look at my photos and think I look fine, but I want to be comfortable in my own body. I’ll never be able to wear a bikini again (it seems that my stretch marks are becoming more evident the more weight I lose bc of saggy skin, hard to tell in these photos) but I would like to wear a swim suit without wearing shorts to cover me. I don’t want to lose weight to be a certain number, I want to gain confidence! My boyfriend and I have been together 1 1/2 years and he has never seen my belly…we were dating in this earlier picture I posted. I know that he loves me no matter the size I am…esp since we started dating when I was 22 lbs heavier…but I want to be comfortable around him. To not pull down at my shirt if its coming up, or to not jump if he accidentally taps my midsection.

I know I’ve definitely changed in this last year…hoping to continue on until I get to my goal. I want to do this for the physical aspects obviously, but more than that…the mental. It’s hard for me to stick with something like working out or eating right….I need to adopt the idea that self control is my super power :)