Update: 3 Years, 3 Surgeries and 3 Kids Later (Val)

Original entry here.

My kids are now almost 3 and the twins are 19 months old! We have moved to a new town and I struggle with continuing to lose weight. I am now at 182 lbs, but part of it has been gaining muscle! I do 30-40 mins of Tae Bo 4-5 times a week. Eat smaller meals (and HEALTHIER meals) and even though I havent seen the change on the scale I HAVE seen the change in my body. I dont know if Ill ever lose the loose skin, But clothes that were tight on me 3 months ago now look great! (I am in a size 12-13! Size 2 at Fashion Bugg :D WOO HOO!) I had bought a body slimmer and now I can wear my dress clothes without it! I have learned that being a little hungry is ok and how to keep myself motivated. I keep coming back here for motivation and it helps sooo much!

I have also found a great doctor that has put me on BC (should be doubly protected right?) and it has leveled out hormones and has aided in the weight loss. That and I found I was MASSIVELY vit. D deficient. My three year old is in the last photo.

So thank you Shape of a Mother! You have helped me stay motivated!

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 preg 3 births

Update – 18months PP 38 weeks pregnant (Berni)

Age – 20

I originally posted around 3 months after the birth of my son, and again when I was 6 and a half month postpartum. Around the time of my last post I’m ashamed to admit I became very depressed about my body and started to make myself sick, thankfully I realised how stupid I was being and only did it a few times. Slowly I came to accept my body although I still had some very down days. I especially hated the wrinkles on my stomach, the weird belly button and although faint the millions of stretch marks. I also seem to have a massive gap between my stomach muscles.

At 10 months post partum I weighed around 128lbs at just under 5’8 (around 7lb less then my pre-pregnancy weight).I remember thinking I was still fat but I look back now and I can see now that I was very slim. I then discovered that I was pregnant again. I am now 38 weeks pregnant (EDD 12/12/09) with a baby girl we think we will call Lilac. I have gained 35lb so far which is a fair deal less than last time. I’m planning a water HBAC .

I really hope I can come to accept my body as it is now I’m having a daughter as I’d hate to pass on any body image issues to her.

The first pic is 10 months PP
The second pic is also 10 month PP
The third pic is 10 months PP
The fourth pic 33 weeks pregnant with number 2
The fifth pic is now (38 weeks pregnant with number 2)
The sixth pic is me and my son (18 months)

Updated here.

Feeling Destroyed (Anonymous)

second pregnancy
first child
4 and a half months post partum
26 yrs old.

to start off , i love my daughter with everything that i have.. she makes me smile and laugh and feel complete.. she is the reason i get up in the morning these days..
now.. she is my second pregnancy but first to term. about 3 months before i got pregnant with her i had to terminate my first pregnancy due to major complication.. not being over that and getting pregnant again so soon took a toll on me emotionally… my husband was shocked and well kind of supportive.. i was excited.. but scared a i didn want to have to go through that kind of loss again.. lucky for all of us this pregnancy went better… i got horrible morning sickness and couldnt eat.. about the third month in my appitite came back and i started to enjoy eating again.. the first actual meal i finished was with my husbands family. i asked for seconds and my father in law oinked at me and called me a pig and told me to keep eating… wow i felt beyond humiliated.. time went on and i started to show.. thinking that that was a one time comment i tried to let it go.. iwas visiting with my hubby his father again.. the first thing he said to me was wow your getting fat… you would think that beingas i am his grand daughters mom he would have some respect.. these sorts of things continued.. my relationship is far from perfect and people say i should leave but i dont know if im willing to give up on my family.. my husband has said some harsh things as well.. like how long to you plan on carrying your baby weight around and when i started to balloon due to sever water retention told me that he thought stretch marks were discusting.. i know i sound like i am rambling but there are so many hurtful feelings i need to get out i cant make them make sense.. so fast forward, i get home from the hospital.. my daughter being 11 days late induced, with 22 hours hard labour forcepts and epesiotomy… it was rough and i felt it.. now pre pregnancy i was 115 pounds in the best shape of my life… i ended up 190 stretchmarks from knees to boobs .. the first words out of my father in laws mouth were holy tits and something about being fat.when i breastfeed he asks if its an all you can eat buffet.. hi this is after spending 3 days in the hospital.. thanks … after a teary first week i was feeling awesome i was happy, to tired to care about my body and loving my daughter more than anything.,… things started to go down hill from there.. i continued to bleed very heavily and my epesiotomy got very infected.. i got really sick.. i had no help either… i tried my damndest to cope … now at around a month and a half post partum my epesiotmy burst again and still bleeding and feeling like a fat ass, i was blessed with getting diagnosed with herpes simplex 1 from my husband. funny i thought you were supposed to be faithful to the woman carrying your child.. ppd hit with the force of a mack truck.. i wanted to die, i felt ruined and dirty and discusting.. my wieght wasnt going down, my body was scared, my boobs saggy celulite everywhere and that wonderful gift to top it.. now if there was support or anything less than emotional or verbal abuse, i couldnt find it.. i cried all day everyday.. couldnt take care of my kid and was an all around mess.. life .. love family wasnt supposed to be like this.. i wasnt supposed to feel like this… its now 4 and a half months pp.. i cant shop for clothes wihout getting depressed and crying.. i am stuck a t 150 with back fat huge saggy boobs, stretch marks everywhere and hsv1… my husband looks at women and picutes of perfect women and tells me how hot and sexy they are.. i cry and he doesnt get it.. he tells me he is with me not my stretch marks.. he gets mad when i tell him i feel ruined.. i hate sex now and i used to enjoy that closeness… i wont let him tough my body and cringe at the thought of it… i have never in my life felt like such a discusting piece of crap.. (by the way his fave term for me is a stupid piece of shit).. i know i should leave and find love for myself again.. but who wpuld love someone who is soo deeply scared and has hsv1… i am in couceling trying to fix my emotional self and i go to the gym but i dont know what to do anymore.. i am do sorry for the nonesence written, but i needed to get it out .. i feel so alone and un loveable..

7 Months PP (Anonymous)

20 yrs old
1 pregnancy/birth
7 months post-partum

I started my pregnancy at 160lbs. im 5’8″ so it was an average size, i wore a size 9. i didn’t gain any weight until i was 20 weeks pregnant. then i ballooned up to 215 when i gave birth. i gave birth at 35 weeks because my fluid was low but i ended up having an 8lbs 11oz 20.5 inch baby boy. i got cursed with all these stretchmarks all over my body, my stomach and boobs which are normal spots but i got them behind my knees under my armpits just the most random places. my boobs took a huge hit, i went from a 34B to a 42DD when i was nursing, now they are ok just a lil bit saggy but im at a 38C. my weight still hovers around 190 and i’m a size 12-14 i haven’t exercised at all because i guess i just think whats the use when im not going to be able to show off my body ever again, its really discouraging. my hubs loves my body and tells me i’m beautiful. i’m hoping i get the courage to just accept my body for the way it is and i know i got a huge blessing with my son, hes the light in my life and i love him so much.

My Dream Came True (SCS)

Age: 29
Number of pregnancies: 2
Births: 1
Childs age: 2yrs

First I want to say I love this site. I just wish this site had more true plus size women. So I am posting my pics. I have always wanted children but was told I would probably have trouble getting pregnant due to an upturned cervix. I always told myself that if I never got pregnant before age 27 that I didn’t want any. I felt any after I would be too old. After seeing the movie facing the giants, I finally said, “ok God, if I never have any children I will be fine.” And I gave up on my dream. In March of 2007 I found out I was pregnant. I was thrilled, especially when I turn 27 in July, it was rather funny.

I had a wonderful pregnancy, my feet got swollen but other than that it was perfect. I went to all the classes, read all the books. Of course the 2 things I didn’t read on was cesareans and bottle feeding. I knew I was going to do it natural and breastfeed. At exactly 40 weeks, I went into labor on Monday November 12th 2007. I had been waking up during the night but I wasn’t sure what from. When my boyfriend woke up at 6 to get ready for work, I still didn’t realize what was happening. It wasn’t until he left that I realized what was happening every 30 minutes. At 7:30 I called him telling him to come home I was 10 minutes apart. by the time he got home at 9 I was 7 minutes apart. He laughed at me all the way to the hospital. I remember just trying to breathe. nothing special just breathe. oh it hurt. By the time I got to the hospital I was 5 minutes apart. An hour later they broke my water and I was 2 minutes apart. by 12:30 I couldn’t take anymore I finally got an epidural. at 2 the docs came in and said the baby’s heart rate dropped and they started prepping me for a cesarean. I broke down and cried. At 2:24 my sweet little boy was born. So there was one thing I wasn’t prepared for. Then I tried breast feeding my son, on the day I was suppose to leave the hospital the nurse told me I would have to bottle feed my son. I cried yet again. My milk never came in, even after a week of having my son, nothing. So here I was with watermelon boobs (granted I was always had huge boobs) and they were completely worthless to me. I couldn’t even feed my baby.

Almost 2 years later and I want another child. About a month ago I found out I was pregnant again. I was so happy. On Monday November 2nd I lost my baby. Right now I am numb. I cried a lot that Monday but so far I haven’t been able to mourn like I should.

All in all I’m ok with my body. I am at least 50lbs more than I want to be. My stretch marks don’t bother me because I had them before I got pregnant, so I knew I’d get them. What bothers me most is my double chin and I have no clue how to get rid of that. the pics of me are from 2006 before I got pregnant, my belly pic at 37 weeks, and me at 22months pp right before I found out I was pregnant again.

Updated here.

Update (Sierra)

Original entries here and here.

I have posted on here twice & will probably only post again once more after this, but I do love visiting this site quite often. I love seeing how many brave, wonderful, & extremely beautiful mothers are out there!! Please ladies always keep your head held high and know you are a beautiful WOMAN!

My twins are now 6 months old (6 months postpartum) and doing wonderful. They are a bit on the small side, nothing that makes the pediatricians worry however. My son is now 2 1/2 and still doing so amazing with his sisters, he’s such a big help and wonderful big brother. I am such a proud and happy mother to all 3 of my beautiful children. I wouldn’t change a minute of it, they have given me soo much hope and unbelievable joy, they truly are my every reason for breathing. I am now engaged to the love of my life & we plan on marrying in August of next year. I am so happy and complete with my life, i couldn’t possibly ask for anything more.

It’s been a hard road to get to this point, but i’m happy i’ve made it. I used to be so insecure with myself and at times still do struggle with my own insecurities as does every woman/mom at some point, but i’ve truly found my equal who loves every bit of me and accepts me for me & i have 3 beautiful healthy children to show for everything I’ve been through. I’m stronger than I once was & its all thanks to my children and my wonderful fiancee.

Pictures:

1,2,&3 are me at a week shy of 6 mnths postpartum.
4 & 5 are of my 3 beautiful kiddies! (my son & the twins)

Fitter than I was pre-pregnancy (Anonymous)

I was very active pre-pregnancy and during pregnancy. I started at 108 lbs. and only gained 28 lbs. I even skied at 37 weeks, in hopes of inducing labor (it didn’t work)! I went back to the gym at 8 days post-partum, more for my sanity than any athletic endeavor, since I had third degree tearing. Having a kid and working full-time made me even more motivated to get fit since time was so limited. Since my daughter’s birth in August 2008, I have raced 30 road bike races, 4 triathlons, and skied 30 days. I also spent an hour-two hours a day during my maternity leave at the gym (they have childcare starting at 6 weeks). I did Pilates for the first time and I feel ten times stronger than I did pre-pregnancy. I am so happy about my body these days. I know that I worked hard for it, I eat right and I have so much energy for my daughter. I want to be a good example for my daughter to be and stay active throughout her whole life.

~Age: 31
~Number of pregnancies and births: one pregnancy and one birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are:
My daughter is 11 months old in this picture. Currently, she is 15 months old.

122809-anon2-1

It’s not easy the third time around, when your 38 years old! (Anonymous)

When I found out I was pregnant in May of 2008 I was thrilled! I was 37 years old, and by husband was 49. We both have children from previous marriages. I had a 15 year old son, and a 12 year old son, and my stepson was 9 years old.

We had just celebrated our 5 year anniversary in Las Vegas, and…Well, what happens in Vegas didnt stay there! We were not using any form of birth control, and hadnt for 5 1/2 years. We initially had wanted to try to have a baby, but after 3 years of it not happening, we assumed it wouldnt. I thought it was for the best anyway, because I have VERY difficult pregnancies, and felt it was a blessing I had been able to carry my two sons as long as I had. Both of my boys were born early, at 31, and 33 weeks. They were 4lbs 3 oz, and 4 lbs12 oz at birth.

I have what is called a dildelphys uterus, wich actually means I have two completely seperate uterus, and they are each half the size of a normal uterus, making me go into labor early. The first time I went into labor it was at 29 weeks, and I was in the hospital till my son was born 2 weeks later. With my second pregnancy I started having contractions once at 23 weeks, and then badly at 26 weeks, and had to be on bedrest and on a home monitor & trebutaline pump till 33 weeks, going in and out of the hospital several times for short stays, till they just couldnt stop the labor any longer.

Early on with this pregnancy I found out that this baby was in the “left” uterus, when both of my boys had been in the “right” uterus. This was bad, because the doctors beleive that with each pregnancy the uterus stretches a little more, and since this one was brand new, we didnt know if maybe it was smaller & I wouldnt be able to carry as long. Everything was unknown all over again.

I could tell early on, at about 16 weeks that things were going to be tough, because that is when I started noticing contractions. I was constantly drinking tons of water & laying down till it seemed things would settle down. My doctor was more optomistic then I, and I think he and my husband ( not having gone through this with me before) all thought I was over reacting or imagining things.

I found out in September 09 I was having a girl, and was THRILLED. it was the answer to my prayers! I had been told during my first pregnancy that my son was a girl ( Oops! YES…ultra sound techs make mistakes, and I had THREE ultra sounds in late pregnancy & no one caught the error!) so I had been so shocked when I had a boy, I had thought for years I would only have my two sons. I was also happy it was a girl because they always say girls do better when born prematurely, and I needed all the help we could get!

I only got to be overjoyed for a few weeks before the contractions kicked in pretty badly. At a routine exam at 21 weeks I told the doctor after an uneventful visit that before I left I wanted to hook up to their monitor & check for contractions because I kept feeling an odd tightening sensation in my abdomen . He allowed me to do so, and seemed like he was just doing it to give me peace of mind. After 15 minutes of monitoring & insane contractions showing, he looked pale & sent me immedialty to the hospital, where I was given shots of trebutaline and after about 8 hours was allowed to go home. The next day I got my trebutaline pump & home monitor again. I was on total bedrest from 21 weeks, and only allowed up for doctors visits, to shower & use the bathroom. It was tough going through that, but thankfully since my other kids were older they were somewhat able to help out, and we all managed ok. At 26 weeks I started bleeding quite badly & rushed to the hospital, to stay for 2 weeks while they tried to figure out what was going on. They guessed it was placenta abruption, though there were no signs of an abruption on the ultra sounds. I was so scared going back home that something terrible would happen & I woiuldnt get to the hospital on time, and after that I was not ever tempted to get up again or do anything but lay around. Needless to say, 2 1/2 months of inactivity turned my once nice muscle to mush, and I gained 40 pounds during my pregnancy, much of it at the end because I was just laying around eating non-stop. I wanted to make my baby big & strong & ate tons of everything healthy, and quite a bit of some not so healthy stuff!

The day I turned 33 weeks I was celebrating because the next day would be the longest I had ever carried a pregnancy. When I went to the bathroom there was the teeniest amount of spotting, and I couldnt believe it could happen to the day it had before! My husband took me to the hospital to be monitored, but I wasnt having many contractions, so after a few hours they were ready to send me home. Suddenly my daughters heart took a dive, and several nurses rushed in & gave me oxygen. They thought maybe she had just been on the cord, but said I should spend the night so they could continue to monitor the baby to make sure it didnt happen again.

It was the longest day and night ever! My babies heart continued to slow to 50 beats a minute several times, causing chaos with the nurses making me roll back & forth & get up on my hands and knees trying to move the baby off of the cord. They made me use a bedpan because every time I got up to use the restroom when I came back & hooked up her heart beat was dropping. I had to be on oxygen all night. At midnight they came in & explained that if it happened one more time they were going to do a crash c-section & told me how they would put a tube down my throat to put me out & that the baby would be out within 2 minutes. I was so scared! My husband had gone home to the other kids, and the nurses promised if they took me to surgery they would call him immedialty.

Strangely enough once they said “if it happens one more time” I had no other issues. That is, till 8:00 am. My husband had just gotten there & was with me when it started. They didnt rush me to surgery like I expected, but rather called my doctor & kept trying to figure out what to do. It happend about 4 more times before the “big one”. The last time the babies heart didnt come back up, and about 7 nurses ran into the room. They were ripping my clothes off & putting a new gown on me, and tossing me from one gurney to another, and before I knew what was happening I was whisked down the hall. Thankfully they didnt have to put me out, so I was awake & aware the moment my daughter was born via c-section at 12:00 on 12-16-2008. She was beautiful & cried like a regular newborn at birth. She was 4 pounds 7 ounces, and so healthy all she needed was a few puffs of oxygen at birth. She was never placed in an incubator, and was in my room with me the last 2 days of my 4 day stay in the hospital. EVERYONE said she had to be more then 33 weeks along, but me and my doctor knew better, because he had done ultasounds at 5, 6 & 8 weeks, and said there is no way she was further along. He also said he had never seen a baby so premature do this well immedialty. She came home 5 days after she was born, and did not need an apnea monitor. It was amazing.

So….That’s the long story…it makes me so happy just thinking about it. What doesnt make me happy is the battle I have had since trying to loose that 40 pounds I put on!
I am 5’10 so I didnt look huge pregnant, and did not get any stretch marks. That is the positive. The negative is that my skin, being 38 years old is stretched out pretty bady & not returning to normal! It has taken so much longer to loose the weight this time too. I work out like a mad women, and do bootcamp classes 2 times a week, plus tons of cardio, and worked out for 3 1/2 months with a trainer as well. Sometimes at 3-4 months post partum I would get up at 2:30 an, feed the baby, put her back to bed & go to Golds gym & work out from 3:30 am to 5:00, then come home & go back to bed!

I couldnt stand the way I looked, and the feel of my skin sagging on my belly was awful. It didnt feel like I was inside my own body, but somebody elses nasty
stretched out fat body. It was tuff! I am still not sure why or how I went to the gym like that in the middle of the night! It all seemed like I was dreaming while I did it. Once I got down to 8 pounds to my prepregancy weight it was easier to live with myself, and I stopped THAT insanity…though I still work out 4-5 days a week.

I am 11 months post partum now, and still have 4 pounds to loose. The loose skin is still pretty bad on my abdomen, but I guess I can live with it. I went to a surgeon who told me he would suggest a tummy tuck, not just lipo, because of all of the extra skin I have. I have to believe that I am still slowly returning to normal, and a hip to hip scar would be so much more horrible then my c-section scar! I don’t mind it, because It reminds me of the moment my daughter was born.

So….I am 38 years old,
Mom of 3..ages 16, 14 & 11 months.
5′ 10 and 134 lbs.

I know it was all worth it, and certainly don’t mind working hard to “get my body back”, but I see now that what I was doing so soon after the birth of my baby was obsesive.

I just want to be happy with my daughter & not be so focused on something as shallow as what my belly will look like in a bikini…or trying to keep up with the other 20 somethings I know who have all bounced back faster & more easily.

The pictures I attached are of me at 30 weeks, before pregnancy, 32 weeks, and now, 11 months pp.

The new body that my son gave me (“Anonymous”)

Age: 18
1 pregnancy, 1 birth
6 weeks postpartum
Teen mom

Me and my sons father were together for 8 months when I knew he was the one I wanted to spend my life with, despite our age difference (I was 16 he was 21) we were madly in love with each other. He never pressured me into doing anything that I wasn’t comfortable with. When I was good and ready, I chose for him to be the one I gave my love to. We used protection maybe 5 times and after that it was just very uncomfortable and painful I never got use to them (condoms). My parents and his parents have a good history together practically best friends but one day when I didn’t come home, I was kicked out of my home, but he was there with open arms as were his parents. Our parents talked and even though it was hard my mother let her last baby leave the nest. Me and my parents are very close and we have unconditional endless love for each other. Ok back to us…we lived with his parents for a short time and then moved into a place of our own. We had unprotected sex for a whole year until we decided to have a baby :) January of 2009 I took 3 pregnancy test and all three were positive, we were both so happy and overwhelmed we didn’t hesitate to spread the news. Both our parents were filled with joy and supported us all the way. I delivered a beautiful baby boy September 2009, I had a great delivery with no complications what so ever. I had no idea what it felt to be a mother until they brought my little man and I held him for the first time, it was love at first site yet again. Before I was pregnant I weighed 150 pounds I’m 5’9 so I didn’t look bad at all but for the whole year that me and my boyfriend lived together I went from 150 to 185 :( sad i know. I still didn’t look so bad and I actually liked the way I looked at 185, for the first time I was actually kinda curvy. The day of delivery I weighed over 250 pounds I wasn’t so surprised since I ate everything in site when I was pregnant. I left the hospital probably about 15 pounds lighter and with a belly full of stretch marks, today I’m 6 weeks postpartum and 200 pounds so I lost a couple pounds yay :) I thank this site for helping me cope with my new body, us women have such a special power, we bring breathing, crying, kicking, screaming life into this world and we should be proud. Here are a few pictures of me before pregnancy during and after. I’ve also included a picture of my uneven boobs that look awful but I would go through this all over again just to see my beautiful son every day. Thank you every one and god bless :)

Acceptance Achieved (Anonymous)

As a teen
I hated my body
Too thin, so ugly
No breasts, no hips, no butt
I longed for curves
I cried

As a first time mother
I hated my body
Still too thin
But now with stretch marks
I longed for smooth skin
I cried

As a second time mother
I hated my body
Mores stretch marks
And now a saggy tummy
I longed for my teen body
I cried

As a third time mother
I hated my body
I finally gained weight
But in all the wrong places
I longed to feel beautiful
I cried

Now, finally, as a woman
I decide to love my body
Accept motherhood’s curves and
Enjoy the shape given to me
By my three beautiful children
I smile