Reader’s Favorite

All (Karli)

Bonnie (SOAM) No Photos (Story Only), Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Reader's Favorite, Submissions 7 Comments

All
by Karli
I am 26 years old, divorced, with two daughters ages 4 and 7. I am proud to be a mother, and proud to be a woman.
Originally posted here.

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Standing naked in front of the mirror, I started with my toes. I love you, toes, I said. I like the way you’re shaped. I used to love dancing on you, balancing my entire body over you in the most beautiful, unnatural way. You’re amazingly strong. I love you, feet. You have a lovely little arch. You have taken me to the most wonderful places, places that have changed me. You will take me so much farther. I love you, ankles… Out loud, so that it would be real, I spoke to my body. I looked at myself under the soft light in the hallway and I went over everything, each part, leaving nothing out. I spent the most time on places that I usually avoid looking at, the parts of me that I have learned to hide under my clothes. I love you, stomach. Your skin tells the story of the day each of my babies were born. I was reborn on those days, too. Two entire lives began inside of you, grew there protected and warm until it was safe for them to leave and start their own journeys on this planet. You did an amazing thing. I love you, breasts. You look different than you used to, and that’s ok. It was you alone that sustained my babies in their first months of life. You were the link between their bodies and mine, the agent of the most beautiful, spiritual bond I have ever known. I love you, shoulders…

I spoke to my hands, my neck, my lips. I looked myself in the eyes and told them how beautiful they are. When I had gone over every physical part, I moved on to my mind, my heart, and my spirit. I told myself the things I have always wanted to hear someone say, and I believed them. I forgave myself for hating this body for so long and I told myself that things are going to be different, now. You see, I have spent the last twelve years hoping that I would wake up one morning and float out of bed, the weight of shame and disgust having been suddenly removed from my heart. And it’s true that I have slowly accepted parts of myself as the years have gone by, forgiving my arms for looking like gangly iron rods because of the dozens of people they have comforted in their embrace, letting go of the hatred I have always had for my hair and caring for it instead, allowing it to make me feel young and feminine. I have learned to love parts of me, but never all. I avert my eyes in the shower, washing blindly and focusing my mind elsewhere so I don’t have to pay attention to the places I’m ashamed of. As I do this I imagine my daughters grown up, healthy and strong, bathing with closed eyes so they don’t have to see their bodies. And that thought makes me cry. I need to have overcome this so that when the day comes that I find one of them weeping into her pillow over how hard it is to become a woman in a world that teaches you that who you are is never enough, I will have something to say to her. I need to have overcome this so that I can forge a new path in the legacy of my family’s womanhood and teach my daughters from a new handbook. I think it’s entirely possible that if I’m able to do this, to truly love my body and who I am, their pillows just might stay dry.

My body is my ticket here, my all-access pass to existence. I have abused it terribly. Other people have hurt it in unspeakably horrible ways. And I have let the shame of it all taint the wonder of this life-ticket, crumpling it up and shoving it deep into my pocket, forgetting that if I care for it tenderly and keep it safe it can take me to places I never even dreamed. I wish I could say that I have such a deep feeling of self-worth that I have chosen to love myself for my sake alone, and that being a better mother is just a fabulous side effect. But I’m not strong enough for that yet. Someday, perhaps. But for now, it’s enough to love my daughters so fiercely that I am willing to look at myself through the eyes of their mother, loving this life and this body because of them. I’ll mother the three of us. I’ll teach us all the things I was never taught so at the end of it all, when we’re old and withered, our tickets will stamped and creased and stained beyond recognition. They will have the markings of a life fully lived… and they will be our most treasured possessions.

Postpartum Beauty (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Breastfeeding, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Reader's Favorite, Submissions 24 Comments

From the time I was 13 years old, and experienced my first stretch mark on my suddenly grown breasts, I have been ashamed of my body. I was a chubby teenager who would hide my body under large sweatshirts and jeans even in the dead of summer so that no one could see my rolls and marks. My body was an obsession, I tried everything I could to change it. I was ridiculously insecure and eventually dieted down to a size 6 by my late teens. Needless to say when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter in Sept of 2007 I immediately began to worry how I would change, whether I would ever get my body “back”. My mother has never had a stretch mark in her life, not one during pregnancy and in her mid 50s somehow her breasts were perkier than mine were pre-pregnancy! It added fuel to my fire. All the insecurities of my teen years swelled up just as powerful as ever. I obsessed about the 50 pounds I gained, the stretch marks during the final weeks of pregnancy, my breasts becoming saggy and whether my husband would ever look at me the same way again. When my daughter was born in June of 2008, every pregnancy ache and pain became a distant memory. I realized I would have gained 90 pounds and had stretch marks on every inch of me if I had to in order to bring her into this world. My breasts are less perky, my stomach less tight, I have stretch marks that weren’t there before, and I still have 10 pounds to lose but I feel more beautiful today than before motherhood, happily my husband vehemently agrees. I grew her inside me and continue to nourish her with my body; it’s the greatest honor I have ever known. Well done all you gorgeous Mommys, you are truly incredible women. I am constantly moved by the pictures and submissions by the brave women on this site. Be confident in yourselves, you are more beautiful than you know.




There is Beauty in My Flaws (Melissa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Reader's Favorite, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 9 Comments

so here is a picture of my two sons and myself…my lovely tummy after the damage of having two children in under a year..exactly 11 months to the day apart to be literal. To my boys, I am the most beautiful mommy in the whole world and when they ask me about my stretch marks or extra skin, I tell them that it’s from them growing in my uterus and my body stretching to give them the best home I could. They love to look at pregnant bellies, watch the birthing video’s on youtube and we talk about THIS baby *my third* growing inside my tummy now. My kids don’t look at my tummy with shame, they look at me with pride and knowledge..they know I gave them my body and in turn, they give me their love. I am proud to carry my flaws, they are a small price to pay for the love I get in return. ~Melissa



My thoughts on being a plus-size mom to be (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Infertility, Plus-Sized Mom, Pregnant, Reader's Favorite, Submissions 67 Comments

I have been overweight my whole entire life. I always joke that the “thinnest” Ive ever been was at birth – 6 lbs. Funny, but true. At one point, I got up over 400 lbs. Then I made a decision that changed my life completely. I had lap-band weight loss surgery in Dec. 2005. The surgery has been amazing… I would have never been able to lose weight like I have without it. Ive had no complications and would definitely reccomend it to anyone that is seriously obese. However, it comes with its own set of rules and guidelines, you have to work hard and youre definitely not taking “the easy way out”, like some people say the surgery is. If you thought dieting was hard, this is just as hard, if not harder, even. Because of the lap band surgery I lost over 100 lbs., reaching my first goal of getting below 300 lbs. In Jan. 2008, my period didnt show up on time and on a whim I took a pregnancy test. I couldnt believe it, TWO LINES! I was pregnant. So many doctors for so long had told me that I would NEVER be able to get pregnant being so morbidly obese. I had basically thought I would never be a mom… that it would take me years and years to lose the weight I needed to be considered “healthy”. Id been sexually active for years – and Ill admit, sometimes ‘careful’ and sometimes not, and never gotten pregnant. I didnt think I could. But something must of changed, because here we were… pregnant. My dream had finally become true. I am now 7 months pregnant, expecting a baby boy in mid September. I have only gained about 15 lbs. throughout my pregnancy (11 in one month, unfortunately – right as I hit my 3rd trimester.) Ive had no complications with my lap band with my pregnancy… and have actually had few complications with the pregnancy as a whole; heartburn, constipation, acid reflux and being tired all the time, as most pregnant women tend to be. However, I have come to notice that my pregnancy is very different than that of all my friends. Sure, we have the same common complaints, but at the same time they are still very different than me. I look at them and envy them sometimes… wishing I could just be “normal”. I have wanted this baby for so very long, I want the full-on experience; all the aches and pains… the water break in the checkout line at Walmart… I want to feel the pain of the contractions (just til the epidural kicks in! Im not THAT crazy!) I just want it… all. I am still so amazed that my body is doing this… that Im finally pregnant… that Im getting what Ive always wanted. So really and truly I dont have much to complain about. And I try not to compare myself to my friends, and girls I see at the doctor’s office, random girls I pass at the grocery store. But at the same time, its gets to me sometimes. See… they are all on the thinner side and you can see their bodies changing shape, see them gaining weight, obviously tell they are pregnant. They get measured when they go to the doctor… they complain about stretchmarks and clothes that dont fit. (ha! the story of my life!!!) They get to wear cute little shirts that accentuate their bumps. People are constantly asking them about their pregnancy and touching their bellies. But with me… well… My baby is nestled down inside a slighty more tubby tummy, so I still just look fat and like Im gaining weight again… Its hard to find his heartbeat sometimes because of my “extra padding”, so everytime I go to the doctors its like playing marco/polo to try and find it… Ive had 4-5 sonograms to make sure everything is going well, since its hard to see/tell from the outside. I have another sonogram July 10th to check on his size, since you cant really tell manually because I am bigger… I dont have the “baby bump” that everyone is always talking about… its more like a “baby mountain”, actually… Cute “plus-size maternity” clothes are basically non-existant… so Ive spent much of my pregnancy in sweatpants, how charming… The stretchmarks I have are a result of too much ice cream years ago – not from my growing son… Jose, my mom and I are the only ones that have felt him move – as its so faint sometimes, since I carry the extra weight around him… People cant really tell Im pregnant just by looking at me… so I dont get that random conversation in the baby department at Target… This has driven me to tears at time… because I am so happy and bursting with joy that I want to just shout from the rooftops, “IM PREGNANT!” I want to tell everyone my secret!!! I want to see other preggo’s and other mom’s out and about and share that soft smile with each other… its like belonging to a super secret club, wheres MY membership!? I want random strangers to come up and rub my belly!!! (Ok maybe not so much on that last one, but still!!!) But then I remember that Im HAPPY. Im HEALTHY. My son is growing right on track, doing all the things he is supposed to be doing, developing the way he should… and Im PREGNANT, despite the odds. And its then that I realize that Im being petty and foolish and that things could be much worse. I suck it up and realize this…. those that know me, are close to me, and love me – know that Im expecting. They know Im so happy to finally be a mommy. They are the ones that matter. The playful kicks I feel from my son are a reminder that I am never alone… it doesnt matter if anyone else feels them or not. His daddy loves me unconditionally, doesnt care what size I am, and rubs my belly every night before bed. When I start thinking about all these things, I feel a little better about being a “plus-size mom”… and so Ive come up with this; Its nice to know that my body, overweight as it is, is still doing exactly what its supposed to… providing a warm safe haven for my little one to grow in… My breasts might be on the saggy side, and covered in long-faded stretch marks, but they will work just the same, to feed and nourish my son. My fleshy arms will cushion him, hold him as he sleeps, and provide endless hugs thoughout his lifetime. My flabby thighs will provide a place for him to lay on, a lap to sit on, a knee to bounce him on. I know that may be a “larger-scale” mom, but I am a MOM, none-the-less… and Ive come to understand that no matter the size of your body, it is the size of your love for your child that really and truly matters most.



Triplet Belly

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Homebirth, Postpartum, Pregnant, Reader's Favorite, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Triplets 112 Comments

This is a timeline of my belly from 7 weeks through 36 weeks, 3 months post partum, and my babies at 6 weeks old. I gave birth, at home, to my three beautiful babies at 37 weeks. Though this pregnancy changed by body forever, I loved every minute of it. Being a mom of triplets (and my great 2 1/2 year old) is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.