Pregnant

Pouch Tummy and Tons of Stretch Marks (Melissa)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 7 Comments

Age: 23
Number of Pregnancies: 1 Births 1
PP: 6 months

So I stumbled across this website by chance looking up different support groups for weight loss and cesarean sections. I have been reading the stories and have found them so compelling and inspiring that I thought I might share mine. I did not really realize how blessed I am to have my boyfriend (though we are living separately right now) in my life and completely supportive.

I was an average 22 year old when I found out I was pregnant. I was 5’6 about 175, not fantastic but not super overweight either. t. I lost my job late December, and was struggling to find another one. When I found out I was pregnant, and thought that I should inform my possible employers of such when they asked certain questions like “is there anything that will impede you coming to work for over a year” I let them know. Needless to say I was unemployed for the majority of the year. Now everything went along swimmingly during my pregnancy. I did not really gain much weight in the beginning, I was a bit moody here and there but it was fine. After about 5-6 months pregnant I found out I was having a little girl, and we were more than thrilled.

At 36 weeks Scarlett had gained over a 1lb and a primary C was scheduled. At 39 weeks I gave birth to a very healthy 10lb 6 oz girl 21 3/4 inches long on October 14 2010. This was when things started going down hill. I had a hard recovery from the C, and I had a lot of extra weight on me. I started off at 175 I walked in to the hospital at 230, Scarlett had stretched me to the gills. Which is fairly evident in the pictures I have below.

I lost 30 lbs fairly quickly and have been sitting at an even 200-205 for the last three months. I have alot of issues with the way my body looks, and it has gone to the point where it had taken a toll on my relationship. Between me being unhappy with my looks, an infant, my 4 year old step son, part time work and a full load at school, and my boyfriend returning to work full time, I stressed myself out to the point where he moved out, not because of him, but because of me.

I am almost 6 months postpartum, and school has finally calmed down enough to where I have decided to begin working out more vigorously. I have come to terms that I will never have the figure I had prior to pregnancy, never have a nice tone tummy (I’ve always had extra skin and been squishy. Now I’m like uber squishy lol :) ), but I have come to realize that I need to be happy with myself in the short term, or atleast okay, in order to be strong for my daughter, and myself.

I am amazed at how strong and loving my boyfriend is, he tells me I’m beautiful and that he loves me everyday, even though he knew the body prior to pregnancy.

I am proud to say I may have a saggy tummy, even tiger striped and ugly, but I have a gorgeous 6 month old, and a loving family.

1st picture: 6 months pregnant
2nd Picture: Side view of pouchy-ness
3rd Picture: Attempt at picture of C- scar
4th Picture: Frontal view of pouchy-ness

Updated here.

Confidant… Most Days (February Mama)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 9 Comments

I am so grateful to be able to identify myself as a Mother. My DH and I struggled for 14 months to conceive our first child, Ethan. We tried to get pregnant on our own for many months before turning to a fertility clinic for help. After tons of testing we were diagnosed with “unexplained infertility”. Which made us feel even more helpless because apparently there was nothing wrong with either of our bodies and we “should” be able to get pregnant. Finally, after an unsuccessful 3 months of being on the fertility drug “Clomid” I said enough was enough. I was emotionally and physically spent. Our doctor convinced us to try one round of Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) without any medication, but warned us that without medication, it was rarely successful. We agreed to try one round. If that did not work, we were done. On June 4, 2008 we had our IUI performed and it worked! We were stunned, elated, shocked, and thrilled to death! We were finally expecting a baby!

Aside from some morning sickness and an ovarian cyst that resolved on its own, my pregnancy was uneventful. I enjoyed “eating for two” and had gained 40lbs by 36 weeks. I started my pregnancy at a fit 125lbs, and at 5’7′ felt this was my “ideal” weight as I had maintained this weight for over 10 years without issue. Although my belly expanded more than I thought was humanly possible I was left with only one small stretch mark on my right hip. Little did I realize how much that one little mark would mean to me. At 37 weeks and 3 days my world came crashing down. I was sent for an ultrasound because my midwife could not tell if my baby was breech. At the ultrasound I was happily telling the nurse that my midwife thought I would have a large baby because she thought the baby’s head was big. The nurse asked the doctor if a baby’s total weight could be predicted by the size of his head so the doctor began to scan my son’s head. The moment I looked up at him was the worst moment of my life. I saw his face crumple in a look of total disbelief and shock. When I asked what he saw he stopped the ultrasound and told me to call my husband while he went to get the neonatologist. In a moment I was left alone in a hospital room with no explanation of what was going on. I called my husband who rushed to the hospital and together we learned from the neonatologist that our son had a very sever case of Hydrocephaly. Fluid had built up inside his skull and was taking up the space where his brain should have had room to grow. Although the part of his brain that controlled breathing, heartrate, and other unconcious functions worked perfectly, the other parts of his brain had not developed. Our only option was to have the fluid drained from his skull so that he could be born. A C-section was out of the question due to the size of his head. Our doctor explained that if I chose to have a C-section without draining the fluid from my sons head, he would have to make such a huge incision that I stood a good chance of bleeding out and dying. As our son was already comatose in my belly, we chose to have the cranial decompression performed. It was successful and I was able to have him naturally. Ethan was stillborn on February 7, 2009 at 37 weeks and 6 days. He weighed 7lbs 15oz and looked like a beautiful sleeping angel.

Leaving the hospital empty handed was like the final insult heaped ontop of years of injury. I was convinced we were never meant to parent a living child. I threw myself into the task of losing my baby weight. I treated weightloss like a job. Every single day I walked for miles. When our OB gave me the go ahead to start running again, I ran until I thought I would colapse. 9 weeks after giving birth I was back to 125lbs and into my pre-pregnancy clothes. And I LOVED that little stretch mark on my right hip. It was the only physical evidence that my son had existed. 3 months after Ethan died, my husband and I decided we would try again one more time. Back to the fertiity clinic we went and our doctor agreed to perform the same IUI procedure, again with the warning of “it rarely works without medication, let alone on the first try”. 4 days later we were pregnant, again! If that seems like an awfully short time between giving birth and getting pregnant, IT WAS. I did’nt realize until near the end of my pregnancy that I was’nt longing for ANOTHER child, I was longing for Ethan. I did’nt make a mistake by getting pregnant again, but I really should have taken more time to grieve. Although my pregnancy went perfectly, I was terrified through the entire process. At 38 weeks pregnant I was begging my OB for an induction. He was the neonatologist that had taken me on as a patient the day I found out about Ethan’s Hydrocephaly, so he knew how much I wanted this process to be over. He agreed to induce me at 39 weeks, and on February 21, 2010 my beautiful daughter Faith was born, weighing a whopping 8lbs 14oz! Healthy, perfect in every way, and looking exactly like her brother. My DH and I were over the moon with happiness and still are today. Our daughter brings us more joy than we knew existed in this world.

After Faith’s birth, my body shocked me. I was in my pre-pregnancy clothing at 3 weeks post pardum and by 7 weeks I had lost all of my baby weight and then some even though I was not doing anymore than the occassional walk around the block. I believe I owe the weight loss to breastfeeding. I never planned to breastfeed but thought I’d give it a try. It seemed to work well for both Faith and I and we did it for 7 months. I gained a pound or two back after we stopped breastfeeding but my current weight seems to be holding steady at 122lbs. My body has changed completely though. My hips are wider, my thighs are narrower. My waist is wider and my boobs are a lot saggier. I’ve got stretch marks all over the lower right side of my stomach, but none on my left (so weird, not sure why that happened) My original stretch mark got a little longer, and I got a few new ones on my left hip, and my belly button looks like a crumpled up tissue. I still think I can rock a bikini, and I do (to heck with what anyone on the beach thinks!) But some days I don’t feel as confident as others. I find myself obsessing about getting a mini-tummy tuck. But, DH and I would like to have a living sibling for Faith so we’ll be trying for baby number 3 next year and I can’t get any surgery before I’m done having children. I’m really scared about what another baby will do to my body, so I’m trying to enjoy what I’ve got now, while I can. My children make the jiggly bits of my body matter a lot less, but they still do matter a little. I believe I will get a tummy tuck in due time, because I want to continue to have confidence in the way I look, but no mater what, the title of “Mother” is infinitely more important than how I look in a bathing suit.

Pic #1 is me before any of my pregnancies
Pic #2 is me 4 weeks pregnant with my second baby
Pic #3 is 39 weeks pregnancy with my second baby
Pic #4 and #5 is 7 weeks post pardum with my second baby
Pic #6 and #7 is 14 months post pardum with my second baby

~Age: 29
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Oldest would have been 2, youngest is 13 months

My Little Fire (Nicholle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 7 Comments

3months PP
Age; 21
2 pregnancies, 1 birth

O_o REALLY!?!?!?

I was a freaking size 5 a size 5!!!!!! I was happy i wasn’t skinny but i wasn’t chunky i was 136 and 5ft 6in the beginning of my pregnancy was anything but easy i had chronic morning sickness for the first 6months , instead of gaining weight i was 128 i was loving it my baby was healthy i was healthy everything was grand but . . . my morning sickness went away I wanted nachos bellgrande everyday or subways and for some reason peanut butter and bologna sandwiches LOL . . .

At the doctors my little munchkin was considered small for his age weighing only 4lbs at 35 weeks besides his weight he was healthy and besides my heartburn i didn’t mind being 145 then 162 I had decided to name my son Aiden ( i later realized that Carrie from sex and the city had an aiden as a bf lol) which in Irish means “little fire” and boy was he heartburn everyday!!!! he liked to push his butt into the right side of my belly and would shove his knees into my ribs -_- everyone said you’re all belly omg you’re gonna recover so good LIES!! i was in labor for 36hrs before the hospital kept me finally and that was another hell altogether since my epidural was given tome 15min b4 they realized i was 10cm dilated and was ready to push but he came out quickly and weighed 5lbs and 15oz healthy as can be the day i left the hospital i weighed 172lbs which startled me because I was that very weight when i had seen my prenatal doc a week before so i wasn’t all belly but mostly fat =/

and more hell began because i bled immensly and though i wasn’t swollen my whole pregnancy the day i got home my legs were hams!!!!! it hurt to stand up but 3weeks later and 2weeks shy of my bday i weighed 168 so i was excited i lost weight BUT the celebration ended because i became so hungry breast feeding i started binge eating everything!! and went up to 189!!! now while this may seem not so bad i was devistated i stepped on the scale and cried i thought f** it im gonna starve myself i even tried the HCG diet of 500 cal and instead went up to 193!! so i went online and started researching because my plan is to fit back into my 5/6 by september and i started doing slim in 6 and eating 1200 cal as well as using protein shakes after my workouts and in a week since march 24 have dropped a few lbs and im currently 183.4 yay!! but im still a size 15 in jeans and after birth i was an 11 my waist is 45″ and it used to b a 28 for me this journey was hard and now 3 and a half months post birth I just started acceptong that im not gonna b slim in a week or a month my sister in law went from being 116 to 190 and it took her 6months after birth to be 145 she says all she did was eat salads and cut off sweets but i love sweets but thankx to this site which i stumbled on while looking up post pregnancy pictures i actually feel normal not like a whale you women unknowingly became my support system and thank you for that <3 and a quote we should all live by is said by the she-devil herself ms Gaga-- "I'M BEAUTIFUL IN MY WAY 'CAUSE GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY I WAS BORN THIS WAY DON'T HIDE YOURSELF IN REGRET JUST LOVE YOURSELF AND YOU'RE SET I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY I WAS BORN THIS WAY" i wasnt born a size 0 or a 3 but if i was a 9 and healthy thats the happiest i could be =} will update in a month thanx for havin a place i can show myself off without feeling made fun of you rock! Also i was going to purchase a Belly Bandit does anyone know if it works and im currently doing as of lastweek slim in 6 series with intervals of 10minute trainer and 6minute abs i workout twice a day 30-60min in the morning and 10-30min in the evening and i eat 1200-1400 calories a day i drink one syntha6 protein shake after my am workout and one after the pm workout at 183 my body needs 72g of protein; also ladies remember no eating 3hrs before bed if u go to bed hungry u burn calories from fat!! (1hr can burn 50-53cals) eat 1hr within waking up and eat 5-6 small meals a day pictures: 1. me before the baby 2months before 2.3 months pregnant 3. 8months pregnant 4. day i gave birth december 30th 2010 5. 1week after birth 6-8. 2 and a half months after birth (189lbs) 9-11. me as of today 4/2/2011 183lbs 12. aiden 3months =] [gallery]

A New Outlook on Life (Kayla)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 8 Comments

Before I was pregnant, I was actually 100% happy with my body. If someone would tell me that I’m fat (mean people) or could lose a few pounds before I get too old and can’t lose the weight (my parents), I would let it roll of my back for the most part. I liked my body. It was curvy and strong and I had a flat stomach for being a “bigger” girl and I never felt disgusted with myself when I stood in front of a mirror.

Then I got pregnant and didn’t really show BIG TIME until I was about 6 months along, and then there was hiding it! Patrick was ready to be the center of attention even in the womb! =) Toward the end of my pregnancy, people started to make remarks that were hurtful, and it had little to do with my crazy hormones. “My goodness you’re huge! Are you going to have that baby right now!? Are you sure there aren’t twins in there?!” They may not have always meant it in a negative way, but it definitely made me more sensitive to comments about how I looked. Then my son was born…and he has been my #1 priority ever since. I am able to be home with Patrick all day, every day and I haven’t dropped the baby weight, and I know that everyone has noticed. I have heard a few comments that have stopped me in my tracks and taken everything in me not to take them 100% to heart. Consider the source, I try to remind myself…but it’s hard. It’s hard when I used to be what is more socially acceptable and happy with my size, and now people expect me to be back to that because I now “don’t have an excuse and the kid’s already 6 months old.” I hate clothes shopping. I pretty much always have, but now that I’m in a body I’m unhappy in, I hate it even more. I still expect to look in a mirror and see the “old me” and sometimes find myself wallowing in self pity and disgust at how I now look.

And then one day, I asked my boyfriend, Don, if my “new” body bothers him. If he misses the body I had when he 1st met me. And he said something I never thought I’d hear again: “You’re beautiful and I still love YOUR body. New or old…it’s all the same to me because it’s you.”

And so, every day I will try to remind myself that each stretch mark is a memory of my pregnancy that I will always have and wouldn’t trade for the world. Every part of me that some may look at with disgust and pity of how I’ve “let myself go” is a part of me that my son will never hate me for. To him, I’m perfect. I’m beautiful and strong and warm and loving and perfect. When Patrick looks at me, he doesn’t see me as being anything but his Mommy…and I’m going to do my best to start seeing things from his and Don’s perspective.

I am not who I was before I became pregnant. I do not have the body I had before I became pregnant………..

And I wouldn’t go back for the world. Patrick is my everything, and I wouldn’t trade him to be or look like the girl I was before. He has made me a better person and I’m proud of that. Some people have told me that they actually are jealous of me! ME! Some of you are probably wondering why in the world someone would be jealous of me. Well can you guess what they have said?

They said they envy how I know who I am, and I’m proud of it. I am a strong, independent woman, and although I have let negative outlooks on my body chip away at me a little, I’m self assured. I gave birth to my son, who is healthy and smart and growing just as he should because I carried him in my body when some may say, I didn’t have to. I have a man who loves me so completely, others stand back and just watch the way we look at one another and communicate through more than words. I can stay home with Patrick and take care of him and see all his milestones and be there for him 100% all the time. They envy the obvious love and admiration I have for my son and the love Don and I have for each other. My body may not be magazine cover worthy, but it’s real and it gets me through every day of my life, and I’m grateful. I am done letting society’s views on appropriate size dictate how I feel in my own skin.

I am 25 years old…and as my grandpa Harold once told me, “Life is too short to worry about fitting into anything but a coffin, and even those can be made bigger.” So if I want to eat buttery popcorn at a movie theater, I will. If I want to bake cookies at 11 o’clock at night and have 2 each day for the rest of my life, I’m going to. Because the only man in my life whose opinion matters to me thinks I’m perfect just as I am, and it’s high time I start listening.

So bring on the clothes shopping and the 360 degree mirrors, because no matter what, who I am on the inside is all I need to take note of. =)

Age~25
Pregnancies~1
Births~1
7 months postpartum

Young and Blessed (Cara J.)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Piercing, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 5 Comments

I got pregnant at the age of 18 and I remember everything so vividly. It was November 29th (my birthday) and my bestfriend and I went to go get piercings. I already had the top of my belly pierced so I wanted to get something different and get the bottom done. I remember on the consent form it asked if I was pregnant and of course I said no because I just couldn’t be! So December comes and the week my period is supposed to come, it doesn’t. I call my boyfriend and tell him I think I’m pregnant so we go get tests and sure enough they come out positive! I was shocked, scared, and mad at the same time! But as time went on and I heard my little baby’s heartbeat I instantly fell in love with this life inside of me. I was due August 21st and it was fastly approaching. I had a wonderful and healthy pregnancy. In April I found out I was expecting a boy and was so excited because there were so many girls in my family and he would be the first boy. I was 8 months and had not one stretch mark. The next month is when they attacked and I was horrified of the sight! I never thought about what my belly would look like after the baby until I saw my first stretch mark. I was 4″11 and weighed about 120 before I got pregnant and had a nice flat tummy. Towards the end of my pregnancy I gained about 30 pounds and it was all belly. Some people even thought I was carrying twins! Anyways, my due date comes and goes. I was a week overdue when I got induced. I was probably in the hospital for a couple of hours when the contractions started coming back to back. Boy were they intense! All of sudden I felt a gush of fluid. I thought I went to the bathroom on myself so I got up to go to the bathroom. When I stood up I noticed the fluid was still gushing and when I looked down it was all blood! My boyfriend called for the nurse and when she came in and saw all the blood she instantly rushed out of the room. I was so scared because I didn’t know what was going on. I had planned on having a natural birth and going home right after, but it didn’t happen the way that I had hoped. A doctor that was on call that night came in to do an ultrasound and didn’t say anything for awhile. After a few minutes he tells the nurse that I have to have an emergency c-section due to a placental abruption! The doctor said if we didn’t hurry my son could die. I was so scared that I started to cry. My boyfriend was there the whole time and cried with me until it was time for them to roll me into the operating room. They gave me the meds and after about 10 minutes my healthy baby boy was born crying that cry that I loved so much. Carsen Lyle was born at exactly 4:00am weighing 7lbs 7oz. The crazy thing about that weight was that, that’s what I weighed when I was born! It wasn’t the birth I planned on, but all I knew is that I had my son in my arms. I was lucky considering I didn’t know how serious a placental abruption was until very recently. After all the drama at the hospital and when I got home is when I started noticing how ugly my stomach was. I didn’t dwell on it because I was thinking, Hey Im young, it’ll go back to the way it was. But I was dead wrong. I am so insecure about how pudgy my stomach is that I’m always wearing sweats and big t-shirts. I’ve been working out as much as I can with my little guy and school, but it seems like a slow process. Even when I feel insecurities arising in my mind my boyfriend looks in the mirror with me. We look at my stomach, my stretch marks, and my scar and he always tells me I have the most sexiest body he’s ever seen and would love me no matter what. He always makes me feel better and tells me that he should be the only one I’m trying to impress even though he loves my body more than I do. Even though I still look at my stomach in disgust sometimes, I look at my son and see how lucky I was to have this stomach. Not many people can look at their pudgy tummies and be thankful for it. I’m working on it day by day and I will eventually get there. Thanks for reading my story :)

Age: 19
Number of pregnancies: 1
Age of your children: 7 1/2 months

Beautiful Blessings (Leah)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Belly, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 10 Comments

I am 23 years old and expecting my third baby. My children are 1 and 8 months apart ,I have two girls and I’m praying for a little boy. My first pregnancy was a natural birth that lasted 5 hrs. and my second pregnancy was an emergancy c-section. I love my doctor I have the smallest scar you ever seen. The journey through both pregnancies were life changing and I can’t wait to see whats next. I came across this site to get a glimps of what my belly might look like in my third pregnancy and I’ve seen dissapionting comments that led me to post my story. Not only am I m having a third baby but my children are bi-racial and I know how it feels to be ridicualed in public by people. They are half puerto rican and african american and their beautiful. I actually was in shoprite and A women came up to me and said your a very young nanny, I thought to myself she must think my kids were somebody elses becauses their so light and I’m darker then them. It did hurt alittle, but I just told here that these are my children and then she went on saying that I should be ashamed because of my age. I asked her how old do you think I am , she replied 15 and yes I do look young but to flat out embaress me like that in public was rude of an older women.

so I finally told here that Im 23 and I could see that she was embaressed , I said its ok I get it alot. I knew she was embaressed and she apologized. I had so many comments given to because thier bi racial and because I look young but, I just pray for those people and keep my head up. I write this not only for myself but all moms out there. God bless you and keep doing the best career in the World.

I am just starting to like myself ever. (Alice)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Teen Mom 5 Comments

24 years old. 2 pregnancies 1 live birth 1 abortion
My daughter is 5 years old in 2 months. I am almost 5 years pp.

I got pregnant with my daughter a week before my 19th birthday. I was in love with a boy who was “out of my league” but it seemed he was interested in me. We were together for 8 months before we got pregnant. Before that I was constantly trying to keep his attention any way I knew how, but he would flirt and cheat and it made me hate myself and my body.

I am 4’11” and pre-pregnancy I weighed 130 pounds. It was the thinnest I had ever been and I was struggling to be skinny for my boyfriend after being overweight my entire life. I gained 55 pounds during my pregnancy and hated myself every minute for it. After I had my daughter I worked quickly to lose all the weight I had gained but my boyfriend turned husband left me for a 90 pound girl 3 years my junior. I hated myself even more. I then promised myself that I would lose all the weight plus some to show how beautiful I was. After 3 years I decided I was losing weight for the wrong reason and I needed to love myself before anyone else could love me. I changed my diet and lifestyle and I wanted to be healthy rather than skinny. When I started getting my confidence back and stopped looking for love in the wrong places I found my now fiance. He told me he loved me no matter what I looked like! Stretch marks and all! I am proud to say that I am down to a healthy (not starved) 107 pounds. We will be trying to have another baby after we are married and this time I will stay healthy and happy for my baby.

picture 1: 8 months pregnant
picture 2: 1 month pp
picture 3: 4 years pp
picture 4: 4.7 years pp still stretch marked but feeling better about me

My Body is a Battlefield (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

18 months post partum
1 pregnancy
1 birth by C-Section
Age:24

First I have to say – THANK YOU so much to the creator of this site and everyone who has participated. You have all made me feel sane and normal when I thought for sure I was losing my mind. Women are real, strong, beautiful, courageous people who deserve far more than to feel belittled by the cover of Cosmo magazine every time we go to the grocery store. Thank you to everyone fighting the good fight.

This is my story…

My body is my worst enemy.

Seriously.

But I still love it.

I’ve had body issues as long as I can remember – normal teenage girl stuff like most women. But when I became an athlete most of that went away. I swam division one in college. I was strong, muscular and fast. My body was thick, my shoulders were broad, I was still bigger than some girls on the team, but it did what it was supposed to do: it won races.

Through swimming I tore both of my shoulders and had reconstructive surgeries, gave myself permanent nerve damage in my right arm, made both of my knees crooked and painful to walk on, and had injections in my hips from painful bursitis. I had to quit swimming when they couldn’t fix the nerve damage. Ever since I’ve felt like my body is my enemy. It is not functional. It doesn’t do what it’s supposed to. I’m still living with the chronic pain.

I got married to an incredible man – the love of my life – after my junior year of college. Five months later we found out we were expecting! I managed to finish my degree and graduate, but I wasn’t happy about being pregnant. I had my own plans. But not anymore. My life became completed absorbed into my physical experience. My body didn’t handle pregnancy well. From 16 weeks of nausea, to heartburn, sciatica that made me fall down, to knees and hips that felt like they were going to fall out of their sockets. I worked out for 2 hours five days a week, untilI had pre-term labor that put me in the hospital at 30 weeks, then bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy. Then I had prodromal labor for five weeks and went directly into transition phase with no breaks between contractions when my water broke. After two hours of screaming my brains out ignored by the nurses in the hospital they discovered that the baby was breech, his heart rate was dropping and I needed an emergency C-section. My spinal didn’t take, so they had to knock me out. I woke up to see my husband holding a little bundle. He showed me our beautiful and perfect son. But I forgot quickly because I was still coming out of the anesthesia and he had to show me again several times.

I still grieve not actually “giving birth.” I’m sad that I didn’t hear my baby’s first cry or see him come out, mess and all. I’m sad that my husband didn’t either because he couldn’t come in the room when they knocked me out. Once again, I feel like, my body failed me.

As much as I HATED being pregnant I equally LOVE being a mother. My son is the light of my life and a constant joy! From the first second I saw him, everything was okay. I love devoting my life to my family, and any earlier feeling of being upset at graduating college to immediately become a stay-at-home mom is gone. There is nothing that could drag me away!

Recovery was rough, but the worst part was that my nerve pain became far worse after giving birth. I felt like someone was putting cigarettes out along my spine. I still had (and have) sciatica, knee pain, and hip pain. Some days I can’t walk up stairs or pick up my son. I became so injured when swimming because all of my joints are naturally loose or hypermobile, so they banged up easily with 20 hours of training each week. When pregnancy introduced the hormone relaxin into the mix, I literally fell apart. Now I hobble around, have nerve pain spiking out of every joint, and will be having major back surgery to fix my scoliosis and relieve the chronic pain.

We’re very excited to be adopting our next baby, hopefully this summer!, as we work with doctors to try to “fix” my body. I’m not sure if I will ever get pregnant again. Maybe one day. But we are committed to adopting this year, then we’re going to start an international adoption to adopt siblings a year or two from now. Learning about adoption and the plight of 143 million orphans around the world has seemed to help all of this make sense. If I am in this much pain so that I will give a mommy and a daddy to three orphaned children – then it is all well worth it.

My body image after birth was (is still is) pretty awful. My breasts became about 100% stretch marks. My tummy has them too, but I don’t mind them so much. My C-section scar is crooked. I have a wrinkle over my belly button – though I’ll admit I actually think its kind of cute. I still struggle to let my husband see me naked because all I see is fat, stretch marks, and loose skin. I assume that’s what he sees too. He thinks I’m crazy and tells me I’m gorgeous every single days without exception. Nonetheless, sSome days I don’t want to leave the house because my pants won’t zip or my shirt is too tight. I know that’s stupid. But on those bad days it takes over my mind. But I know that I am healthy and I know that I am a mother. I’m trying to grasp the fact that I can lose another 10 pounds, but I will still have stretch marks and loose skin. I need to come to grips with that. But it is so hard.

Because my body is constantly working against me, being in shape and managing my weight is a major priority in my life. The stronger I am and less I weigh (to a healthy extent of course!), the less pain I should be in and the better I feel in general. I hate my body, but I love it too. I want to take care of it. I want it to last another 50 years. I was to be strong, functional, energetic, and ready to live life. I do at least an hour of exercise and physical therapy six days a week. I eat as healthfully as I can (with cookies on the side), cook everything from scratch, and my whole family benefits from that determination.

Posting these pictures is a major part of my accepting my body for what it is: the good, the bad, and the painful. When I saw my most recent picture next to my picture of 9 months pregnant I thought: Wow. How can a body even do that? That is really incredible.

Pictures:
9 months pregnant – wow I was huge, but it was all out in front and you couldn’t even tell from behind
5 days post partum – all see is monster boobs! Milk is coming in!
2 months post partum – check out those bright red stretch marks on my breasts!
7 months post partum – still nursing. We just moved – its a mess!
18 months post partum – breasts went all the way back down
18 months post partum – stretch marks are all silver

Teen Mom (Jessica)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 7 Comments

In January of 2010, I had just turned 18 and was just starting to feel really secure with my looks. I had started to loose weight and was very happy with the way things were going. Then I met a boy. One thing led to another and I got pregnant. Before my pregnancy, I weighed around 215 lbs. At the time of delivery, I weighed in at 270! This was very hard for me to handle… I had an all natural delivery and gave birth to a very handsome baby boy. I breastfed my baby for his first 4.5 months. After my milk dried up, my breasts looked so flat and saggy, not to mention nearly two sizes smaller… My body had changed so much, and I didn’t know how to take it. Now I am six months postpartum, and I have lost 20 pounds, but I still look pregnant! Oh and the stretch marks! They are EVERYWHERE. I just want to get back to my pre pregnancy body! I would feel better about myself than I do now!

And to all of you ladies who do share your stories and pictures, I very much appreciate it!

My World Changed When He Entered It (Samantha)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 3 Comments

21 years old, 2 1/2 year old son

As a teenager I was always very self conscious of my body. I was constantly striving to maintain that “perfect” look. I was modeling and working hard to break into that extremely difficult world. I never had to work out or diet to stay in shape, I was just naturally thin. 3 months after I turned 18 I found out I was pregnant with my boyfriend of 4 years. I was very excited and thought I would be able to bounce back right after having him. I was wrong. For about a year after my beautiful son, Donte, was born I hated my body and was uncomfortable with myself almost all the time. A minute didn’t go by that I wasn’t trying to think of ways to get back in shape. I was working out, I was eating healthy and still nothing was helping. As time went by I became more and more comfortable with myself and realized that this Mommy body IS my perfect look. Nothing else matters! I brought a funny, gorgeous, smart little boy into this world and I wouldn’t change that for anything. My world no longer revolves around being thin or feeling comfortable in a bikini. I really could NOT care less if I never wear a bikini again. My world now revolves around that baby boy that came from my womb and I embrace every new curve I have gained from him.

Picture 1- 9 months pregnant
Picture 2 and 3- 2 1/2 years postpartum
Picture 3- My adorable son, Donte, being the goober he is <3 [gallery]