Pregnant

We create beauty. We are beauty. (Kayla)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 11 Comments

Original entry here.

I put a post on here not too long ago. I have come so far the passed few weeks that I thought I would go ahead and post again. I have been thinking a lot about my body and the bodies of women on this site and I am wondering…how in the world could we ever be considered imperfect? We created and continue to create perfection, out sweet little babies, the most precious and loving thing on earth. This obviously makes us beautiful :) I started writing, kinda venting a tad ;) and this is what I ended up with.

To all the people that think that women should all be the media’s idea of perfection, screw you. All of the people that make me feel ashamed to wear a swim suit, get over it, I am wearing one. You must not appreciate the female body for what it is made to do. We, as women, are built to make life. WE grow babies inside of our wombs. With that comes the “imperfections”. The stretch marks, the saggy skin and breasts, the drooping, enlarged, and darker nipples. These are the changes our bodies had to make to nourish a life to grow inside of it. Women are made to give birth to life and nourish that life after it enters the world. Women are beautiful because of this amazing miracle. Not because their bodies aren’t yet scarred, or “ruined” as I have heard some say. I am not ruined. We are not ruined. We are beautiful. We are powerful. We gave birth to life. No one can ever tell me that my body isn’t perfect. To me it is. My daughter is wonderful perfection in my eyes. She is beautiful. My body changed for her. The changes it made, make it beautiful.

My daughter is now a month old. I saw her smile for the first time 2 days ago. It melts my heart and makes every mark on my body worth it. I was sad for myself when I looked in the mirror after I gave birth. Now I am glad that I look this way. If it wasn’t for me looking this way, I wouldn’t have her. She is now my world and I wouldn’t change a thing about my body. It gave me and my husband our baby girl. I have posted some updated pictures because I think the other ones I posted didn’t do my stretch marks justice :) Plus I lost a bit of weight in the last few weeks so I am quite proud :)

Number of pregnancies and births: 1
4 weeks pp (3 weeks in pics)

Picture 1 -Pre pregnancy tummy
Picture 2&3- 3 weeks pp
Picture 4- My husband and I Christmas 2010 (around 6 months pregnant)
Picture 5- My beautiful daughter, 3 weeks old.

Updated here.

My New Self (Dee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 10 Comments

~Age: 17
~Number of Pregnancies and Births: 1
~Age of Child/Postpartum: Almost 6 months

I tried to make this short, but failed miserably. I saw this website when looking for something to help with my stretch marks. I think this site is absolutely wonderful and I am very excited to post.

If you’re a mom reading this, I just want to say congratulations on being a mom and congratulations on your “mom” body. Even though it may not be your ideal body, it was your baby’s ideal body and without that body you wouldn’t have them. Whose lives are completely ideal anyways? Certainly not mine.

How It Happened:

I met a guy my junior/senior year (I graduated a year early, so my junior and senior year were combined). I was a butch lesbian at the time and just broke up with a serious girlfriend for reasons I won’t get into. I really liked him and we became good friends. I was attracted to him so our friendship became friends-with-benefits. We did lots of drugs together and hung out every day. Both of us had just gotten out of serious relationships, though, and neither of us wanted to get into anything serious any time soon. Him and I became extremely unhealthy because of our drug use and decided we needed to stop.

In the beginning of March, my period was only a couple days late and I concluded it was from my recent drug use, but decided to go get a pregnancy test just to make sure. My friend and I didn’t use protection because I just assumed it wouldn’t happen to me and that teen pregnancy wasn’t as common as everyone says. I wanted a family eventually, but I wanted to live a party lifestyle for a while before I settled down. We saw the results together and both broke down crying. I took 3 more tests just to be sure. They were all positive. I knew I couldn’t bring myself to have an abortion or go through an adoption. I don’t have anything against women who do either of those options; I’ve just always known I wouldn’t be able to when the choice needed to be made. To me it wasn’t a choice. I couldn’t bear to think about killing my own child or being separated from them after spending 9 long months of pregnancy and going through a birth with them. Colton, my friend-with-benefits, then decided we needed to be dating and that he was going to stick by my side. At first I didn’t want him to date me just because he got me pregnant; I wanted him to date me because he wanted to date me, but I knew that I was luckier than some girls and accepted the offer.

My Teenage Girl’s Body:

I was never happy with that body, which now I wish I could have back. I had symmetrical, perky, small C-sized breasts. My butt could have used some work, but it was definitely “cute”. My stomach wasn’t completely flat, but it was in better condition that many other girls. I had a beautiful navel piercing that I absolutely loved. My legs weren’t half-bad. I used to be a dancer before I got more into drugs and all the strengthening ballet, jazz, tap, etc. gave me was something I took for granite. I stood at 5’ 2 ½” and weighed 110 pounds at the most. I had 2 tattoos; a playboy on my butt cheek and three iris flowers on my ribs. The iris tattoo was a cover up because I had gotten an unprofessional tattoo that I regretted for an ex-girlfriend. My skin had many flaws, though. I used to cut myself because of unmanaged anxiety, which left me with terrible scars all over my right arm, stomach, and thighs. When I was a cutter, I had to hide my body because I felt like it was nobody’s business and I was embarrassed. Eventually, though, I stopped caring. Some people would stare and those who weren’t familiar with cutters would ask what happened to me. I’d always tell them the truth; that I used to have some problems. I was no longer ashamed of those imperfections, although sometimes I’d imagine how much more wonderful my body would be if only I hadn’t destroyed it. They don’t bother me anymore, but I love when I can tell they’ve faded more and more over the years.

The Pregnancy:

I had a completely uncomplicated pregnancy, except for the fact that I had anemia, but I suffered from that before my pregnancy as well. I gained around 37 pounds. I rubbed cocoa butter all over my body at least 3 times a day every day for the entire duration of my pregnancy. I was extremely worried about stretch marks. By the end, I noticed one, maybe two stretch marks and I was so happy. I constantly checked and was fine with having just one or two.

The Birth:

The birth was uncomplicated, although at one point the doctors thought I needed a C-section because I wasn’t progressing as fast as they’d like and they thought my baby’s head may be too large to fit through. I had a vaginal birth with an epidural at age 17 after 23 long hours in labor. I was very afraid of tearing or needing an episiotomy, but neither happened. Holding my daughter was the most amazing moment of my life. My boyfriend and I cried tears of joy at this wonderful little blessing we brought into the world.

My New Life:

I had already stopped doing drugs by the time I’d found out I was pregnant, but it changed my whole perspective. Why would I even consider getting high if it could harm my baby? Well, I wouldn’t and didn’t. I went from being a don’t-give-a-shit, teenage, druggie, lesbian to an expecting mother with a guy by her side. Literally, my whole life was turned upside down. A baby was the very last thing I was expecting. Suddenly all of my goals changed. My whole outlook on life changed. Just everything changed. I have my own little family now, and even though things aren’t perfect, my boyfriend and daughter are both amazing. I am a mother now. It is my new identity. No longer am I a butch or a party girl, but a mom.

My Daughter:

I had a gorgeous 7 lb 8 oz, baby girl named Daisy the day after my due date. She is the love of my life. I never realized how much I could love someone. She is more important to me than anything in this world and I wouldn’t change a single thing about her. Throughout my entire pregnancy I worried that something would be wrong with her because of all the drugs my boyfriend and I did before (and possibly right after) I became pregnant, but she is completely healthy and I am so dumbfounded by how amazing she is. I’m so proud of all the things she can do and is continuing to learn to do. Having a child is by far the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I know she’s here for a reason. I was heading down the wrong path and she has put me on the right track and added so much more joy to my life than I could have ever imagined.

My New Woman’s Body:

Before I was just a girl, but now my body has endured the true pains of womanhood and I feel like a woman now. After I gave birth the weight melted off. By the time I was 3-4 weeks postpartum I weighed in at 115 lbs, which I am still at and can’t seem to lose those 5 more pounds. I was glad I had lost almost all my pregnancy weight in just a couple weeks and so ecstatic that I hardly got stretch marks throughout my entire pregnancy, but no one told me that you can also get stretch marks from losing a lot of weight quickly. I soon noticed lots of little stretch marks all over my stomach and butt/hips. I am crier and I cried about it for a good while. I used more cocoa butter and bio oil, but neither showed noticeable improvement. I am now using Mederma Stretch Mark Therapy; in hopes that it will help them fade (I’ll let you know how it works). Since I’ve already dealt with scars for years, I know that it takes time for things like that to fade and that there isn’t just a magic cream that will make them disappear. My woman’s body has less muscle all over and a lot more chub in the midsection. My once sexy navel piercing is now droopy and old-looking. My thighs and calves have cellulite and no longer have the dancer-look they once did. And my breasts; oh, how I miss those perky, teenager breasts. My breasts now aren’t as perky or symmetrical. They are smaller than they were in middle school. I loved wearing low-cut shirts back in pre-pregnancy years, but now I feel so flat-chested it’s as if they don’t even exist.

The Conclusion:

Now, I could complain about my new body all day, but I simply don’t want to. It’s a complete waste of energy. My body is wonderful. I am so proud of my body for creating, carrying, and giving birth to my beautiful daughter. I know that many mothers have it way worse than I do and I should be grateful that my “mom” body isn’t so bad. I’m worried about summer coming up and having to wear a bathing suit. I think I still have the nerve to show off my body, but it definitely makes me uneasy. I have doubts about myself and I am very self-conscious after giving birth, but I should stop waiting for my old body to come back because I know that body is long gone. And you know what? I’m okay with that. I love my body for what it did and what it does every day, not how it looks. What’s so great, though, is that I can love how it looks, too. I also know that you will see improvement in your body, but only if you work at it and take care of it.

I just want to say to all the mothers out there that I never knew how under appreciated we are until I became one. Mothers are amazing people and I honestly don’t think the world would work without us.

And to all other teenage mothers- I know it sucks to see that none of your friends have mother’s bodies and their bodies seem so perfect and not ruined, but you have something that they don’t even know they’re missing: the joy of being a mother. They can’t even begin to understand how much love you have in your life, at least I didn’t before I became a mother. Those bangin’ little teenage bodies shrivel in comparison to the complete happiness my daughter gives me every single day.

Pictures:
1. 4 months pregnant; prom night
2. 6 1/2 months pregnant on vacation for my 17th birthday
3. 39 weeks pregnant
4. Pushing at the hospital
5. My baby, Daisy, at the hospital
6. Me and my little girl
8-10. Almost 6 months postpartum
11. My little Daisy at 5 1/2 months

Updated here.

Underneath it All (Heidi)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 9 Comments

19 years old
1 pregnancy, 1 birth
3 1/2 months PP

In March of 2010, I met the man who would give me our beautiful son. I was the epitome of the typical (stereotyped) 18 year old, I stopped going to school to party all night and sleep all day. All I cared for was getting high, getting drunk, getting s*x. School wasn’t important, they told me I wasn’t going to graduate with my class (of ’10), so I gave up on going.

I got kicked out of my house a couple weeks after my 18th birthday (Feb. 26th), and spent a couple weeks bouncing from house to house until I met my fiancé. I moved in with him permanently, with a very strong intention to start a relationship.

Within about three weeks of us living together and being together, he asked if we could try to have a baby. I agreed wholeheartedly. I’m still not sure why, it just seemed like a good idea. Well, I was pregnant the next month. I had figured out my approximate window of time where I was ovulating, and two weeks later I missed my period (I was always regular). I took a pregnancy test and I was pregnant! We were so excited, but we were the only ones. Everyone likes to form their own opinions: “too young”, “too soon into the relationship”, etc. I didn’t care, I was extremely happy.

I was 134lbs before pregnancy. within the first four months, I had dropped to 114lbs because I suffered from hyperemesis gavidarum. I was not hospitalized for it. I was only able to drink Pepsi (I don’t know why), and I could barely keep any food down. I was vomiting maybe seven times a day at the most, mainly when I got up the courage to try to eat something. I was always tired, but I pushed myself to go to “work” (I babysat three children next door from around 5-6pm until 2-3am) because it was the only income we had at the time. Eventually, I got so weak that I just could not bear the thought of babysitting, and I called off working for her one day (She didn’t even have work, she just wanted to go tan at the beach), and she fired me.
I was exhausted, but I was so happy to be 114lbs. I’d always struggled with my weight and body image. Even at 125lbs, I thought I was fat. I got stretch marks when I was only 13 (I hit puberty at 11) and my chest size when from a B to a D in one summer. I was around 127lbs, and I was horrified. I’m only 5’2″, and I felt terribly chunky. I knew I was predispositioned to be curvy, but I was a stick before, so I honestly had no idea what “curvy” meant.

114lbs was the thinnest I’d been since I was around 12. I didn’t “hate” that I’d only achieved the weight b/c I was pregnant, but you can bet I wished I could be that weight afterwards!

I didn’t start showing until about the end of my 5th month, but I was still happy with my weight, my shape (I was all belly at the time), everything.

By the end of my pregnancy, I weighed around 157lbs. I started suffering from depression again (I was diagnosed with MDD-Major Depressive Disorder at age 14) when I hit 145lbs. After I gave birth, my weight only went down to 154lbs. My son was born a healthy 6 lbs, 13 oz, but I hadn’t even lost that much! I was so disappointed.

To top it off, I had a very hard birth. My epidural only worked partially (on my legs, they might as well have not been there for how much I could feel them), so I had horrible, painful back labor, my midwife would not let my fiancé or my Mum help me with holding my legs at my chest (I don’t know why). I got an episiotomy at the very end of my 18 hour labor (three hours pushing) and my beautiful baby boy was born three pushes later at 1:56pm on January 12th, 2011.

I decided to breastfeed early on, and I am proud to say I still am (despite a nasty case of mastitis 3wks PP). I went down to about 147lbs in two weeks, but I haven’t gone below 153lbs since the end of 1 month PP. I was told by many nurses and midwives that the baby weight just melts off when you breastfeed. This has not been true for me, but I’m not going to stop feeding my son breastmilk just because of the stubborn fat.
I absolutely hate to look in the mirror though. All I see is fat everywhere. My thighs touch almost down to my knees, my stomach is poochy, stretched marked and squishy. My boobs are alright, I’m used to them being huge and they didn’t really get many stretch marks, I already had some from puberty, but I’d never been terribly self-conscious of those.

I wear a size 15. I get upset a lot going clothes shopping (which I don’t really do) because most of the stores I like to shop at, I can’t find my size. I went to the mall with my fiancé for my 19th bday, and I cried because I could not find one pair of pants that fit. I couldn’t even find a bra, because at the time I had shot up to a DD. I still grab shirts that would fit my prepregnancy body when I’m shopping. Sometimes I laugh when I realize my mistake, and sometimes I get very sad. I have absolutely no will to exercise, it never helped me much before. I look back at the body I used to have and I wonder why I was so unhappy with it. I’d love to be a size 5 again. At one point, I fit into a 0, but that’s way too much to ask for lol.

My fiancé is very supportive. He thinks I look just fine. He supports me wanting to lose weight, but I get mad and accuse him of thinking I’m fat when he asks me if I want to exercise or if he suggests buying an array of chocolate bars is not a good idea (I’ve always been a chocoholic).

I don’t believe him when he says I look fine, I’m always putting myself down. Sometimes it gives me a spark of happiness when he says I look good. Because I want to believe that I do. I want to feel like I do. One of my younger sisters asked me how I’m going to fit in a wedding dress if I’m so fat. She also told me I still look pregnant.

I hope that sometime soon I feel good in clothes and out of them. My goal weight is 130lbs by my wedding date, November 12th of this year. I have to be careful about rapid weight loss while breastfeeding though. I hope I can do it.

1st picture: Me in May of ’09
2nd picture: 8 months pregnant
3rd picture: 3 1/2 mos PP
4th picture: 3 1/2 mos PP
5th picture: 3 1/2 mos PP
6th picture: 3 1/2 mos PP
7th picture: My son Ruskin Damian Dodge, 3 1/2mos
8th picture: My son again
9th picture: My beautiful family

Updated here.

C(section) You in Heaven, My Dear (Krystal)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Child Loss, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 21 Comments

My third, and what I was hoping to be my final, pregnancy was beautiful in every way. I was always an active Preggo momma and continued this through my third pregnancy with walking, riding bikes and yoga. My first 2 pregnancies were also active and easy, leaving my body in pretty good shape and with healthy natural births. With just a few stretch marks here and there to complement the easy loving children who came with them. I was heading into my 38th week of pregnancy and preparing for a homebirth with a midwife who seemed to be just wonderful and perfect to accompany us. Again my body was holding up so well and I was always happy that each of my children left me with just a few battle scars. Oct. 27th I had a MW appointment and was gaining steadily, baby was ready for arrival and I was happy to only have acquired another 3 or 4 stretch marks with the 45 lb. gain on my 5’2” frame. Little did I know the next day would leave me with one of the hardest scars to accept. I awoke at 5 am, on Oct. 28th, and was instantly worried because my little bean wasn’t waking me up like she usually did at 3 am doing jumping jacks. I waited it out till about 7 am and was only getting small shifts. I called my MW and received no answer so I called the OBGYN I was also working with through my pregnancy. The nurse called me back about 930 am and told me to head on up to the hospital. My MW was still no where to be found as she is even to this day. I went in and at about 1030 am I was called back to have a NST. The sweet sound of my little beans Heartbeat was beautiful and a normal 141. My husband showed up about 10 minutes later and we sat and listened to the sweet thumping sounds coming from the little machine next to me. Suddenly, as if the world stopped, her heartbeat did too going from 141, to 80 , 40, 80……gone. That little machine then turned into the worst little machine I had ever seen when it started alarming to warn us that my baby was in distress. The Dr. took me to L&D where I was stripped, gassed and cut open. The very last thing I remember was my baby moving one last time in me to say goodbye before she headed on up into the Lords arms. I awoke 4 hours later to the most excruciating pain and life shattering news that I was cut open, robbed of my soul and left scarred and empty armed. I have a scar now stretching 8 inches across my abdomen reminding me on a daily basis that I have an angel in heaven, just waiting for me to join her some day, thanks to the grace of the good Lord. I try daily to accept this scar as a reminder of Gods grace and promise that some day I will see my little angel Stella again.

~Age: 28
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 2 live births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 12, 4, 6 months post partum from my angel baby’s birth

My Story (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 8 Comments

At 19 I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend (now husband) and I were scared and shocked but we knew we wanted our little Angel. I worked for the first 7 months of my pregnancy as a Driver at a plumbing company. This kept my body in great shape and know one could even tell I was pregnant. Then we moved to PA to be with my family. The last two months I did not do much of anything. As a result my weight sky-rocketed from 135 to 179. I got stretch marks everywhere, thighs, belly, calves. Thankfully I have my sides tattoed with a Phoenix. This helped to hide some of the stretch marks. I also, stupidly left my belly ring in. It is not destroyed. I wear an over the top one simply to hide what damage it did from leaving it in. I had my son vaginally and every part of me felt worn out and ugly. I didn’t want my husband to touch me because I just felt disgusting. Thankfully I did not get postpartum depression very bad. The only thing I was unhappy with was the radical changes my body had endured. At 22 now, my son is 2 1/2 and he is healthy and I have struggled with my weight for quite some time. It was hard to get used to the fact that I was never going to look the same again. Finally I accepted it and decided that although my stomach might not be firm like it used to, my breasts will never be perky like they used to, and the stretch marks will always be there, I decided I didn’t care. I decided that I was still beautiful. I started to slowly work out so I could at least feel healthy again. I am now at 129 and I feel wonderful and I feel sexy again. A feeling that I have been missing since my son was born. This site has helped me to realize that I am not the only one with stretch marks as bad as they are, and I am not the only one thats breasts will never stand like they used to and it doesn’t matter because we are all beautiful and we are all mothers. Thank you so much!!!

FYI: White dress is a year before I got pregnant. Red dress is a year after I had my son, at my wedding. The rest are all current as of now since I have been working out a little more.

Pregnancies: 1
Age: 22
Children 2 1/2 yrs old

Still Coping After Almost Five Years (Lora)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 6 Comments

My name is Lora. This is my story.

I was 18 yrs old when I found out I was pregnant the first time, and I found out by having a miscarriage. When I had made it to the doctor’s they told me I was four months along. I had no idea that I was pregnant. My periods were regular and nothing was “strange” was happening with my body. However, I felt a huge loss when this happened. Even though I didn’t know about the baby until after the fact, I still felt guilty. So when my husband and I found out we were pregnant for the second time, we were thrilled!! I was 20yrs old, and we had been married almost a year by then. I was a normal 20yr old. I had a wonderful body that I was proud of. I worked out, and had gone my entire life never having to worry about what I ate, and when I ate it. My pregnancy we extremely easy. I had no morning sickness, no crazy hormone imbalance. I felt great!! Except once my girl started ‘really’ growing, my body had no where to put her except straight out in front of me!!! From behind you could not tell I was pregnant. Even standing in front of me at the right angle you couldn’t tell. But when I turned to the side, Wham! haha…I was so worried about the skin and stretch marks that were starting all over, but my family kept encouraging me saying, “don’t worry, that happens to all women. It snaps right back after the baby.” This mostly coming from my mother and my aunt who both had 3 children, and not a trace showed on their bodies. I decided to believe them for the time being. But after my daughter was born 9/24/07 by c-section, I began to realize what they had said wasn’t true in my case. Immediately after the birth my tummy sagged. My husband kept telling me that after I lost the pregnancy weight it would go back. But it never did. I was so miserable with myself that first year after her birth, I didn’t lose any weight at all. I even gained some replacing my baby’s weight. I was 21yrs old, and while all my friends enjoyed summer days in bathing suits, I couldn’t even bare putting on a pair of shorts. I had stretch marks in my inner thighs, outer thighs, breasts, and of course my tummy. To make matters worse, I had sustained an injury to one of my breast before my pregnancy and never gave it a second thought, until I started breast feeding. The one that was damage had a reduced milk flow, so as my other breast grew and grew, the injured one did not. I found myself padding bra’s and wearing very lose shirts to hide it. I just felt so ashamed of myself and felt like it was all my fault. “just lose the weight” my husband would say. Finally after a year, I decided to finally take him up on that, and was just further depressed. No matter how much weight I lost (30lbs total) and was only 3lbs away from my prepregnancy weight, my tummy still sagged. My breasts were still uneven and lop sided, and I still couldn’t wear a bathing suite outside. I am now 24yrs old and after 4yrs I am finally starting to adjust to this new me. My daughter is now 3 1/2 yrs old. We also found out that we are expecting again! Our second child is due 11/26/11 of this year, and I have decided that there is nothing that this baby can do to me, and my daughter hasn’t already done!!!

Five Years Later and Still 20lbs Heavier and Loving It – Confessions of a Skinny Girl (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 10 Comments

I love what pregnancy has done to my body, beforehand I was skinny as a rail and super self-conscious of my body. People used to say that they were afraid to hug me because they thought I would break. I wore long sleeve shirts and pants my entire life to hide my “chicken arms and legs.” Some people can’t understand the woes of being too skinny, but it can have just as detrimental effects growing up as being overweight. I was so ridiculed and ashamed. Now I have a body that another human being helped me shape, it is round, soft and pudgy in places…and I love it. I feel more like a women than I have ever before in my life, I have curves and am now officially embraceable :)

Current Age: 34
Number of Births: 1

Photos: First picture I am 2 months pregnant. Second picture I am about 7 months pregnant. Third picture I am 9 months pregnant. Fourth picture I am 3 months postpartum. Fifth and sixth picture I am almost 6 years postpartum. Seventh picture is my baby girl at 3 months old (who is now a whopping 5 years old!)

The Story of Who I Am (Corinne)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Mom over 30, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Update 8 Comments

Age 33
2 children, my first is 12 years old and my second is 18 months old.
This is my 3rd pregnancy, currently 36 weeks pregnant

I posted my photos and story at 24 weeks and since then my confidence has soared. Sharing on here has helped so much. I simply adore my pregnant body, my lumps, bumps, stretch marks, scars, every part of it. I hope I hold on to this feeling and confidence after my baby is born, I want to be proud of my body and what it’s achieved. I have always believed that women of all shapes and sizes are beautiful but somehow forgot to include myself in that, but not anymore!

I have various scars on my body and they all tell a story. I have a tiny scar on one of my fingers from when I made flapjack at school, after 15 minutes I didn’t believe it was cooked so I left it in the oven for far longer and then had to cut it out of the tin with a knife, which slipped of course and sliced my finger! I have a burn scar on my arm, from the first ever roast dinner I cooked. I have a scar on the side of my stomach from when I crashed my motorbike, I slid a way down the road and my leathers moved leaving me with a hole in my side, which then had to be stitched back up. I have always been proud of these scars and then I realised I should be equally proud of my stretch mark scars, because without them I wouldn’t have my beautiful boys. They are part of the story of who I am.

Updated here.

I am Blessed with One (Cassandra)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Child Loss, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 6 Comments

Pregnancies: 6 Births: 1
Age:19
Postpartum: 4 months and counting.

This is very hard for me to write. I had my first miscarriage at 15. I was 9 weeks pregnant, it was very hard, no one knew I was pregnant it had to be kept a secret. I had to mourn my loss on my own, from that day forth I’ve never felt so alone. After that, I lost 3 more children in the years to come also at 9 weeks. Doctors told me I’d never be able to hav a child. :(

They were very wrong. On June 9th 2010 I found out I was pregnant, terrified when the doctor told “you’re 9 weeks!” I quickly bursted into tears. But as days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months my confidence in the pregnancy was sky high. I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl on January 12, 2011. She weighed 8lbs 12oz and was 21inches long.

And still I was very depressed. I still am. On April 15, 2011 I discovered I was pregnant 7 weeks., and on April 25, 2011 I miscarried, at 8 weeks.

My body is in a shape its never been before. I’m embarassed of my body, I hide it under layers of clothing. Before I had my daughter I weighed 120 lbs, after I had my daughter my weight has increased to 182 lbs. But with the help of my sister Jennifer Harmon and my husband Kevin Mendoza, I’ve realized… My body IS beautiful. My body shows a story of the struggles I went through, the tears I’ve cried, the children I’ve lost, and the child I’ve gained. I have the shape of a mother! Although looking in the mirror sometimes disgusts me, I have the strength within myself to see that the form of my body, that everyone else might see as flaws, I see as perfection. I carried a child of 9 months and 1 week. I am no celebrity, I am CASSANDRA RAE LEIJA and I am The Shape Of A Mother.!

On How I Bought My Baby (Elizabeth)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 14 Comments

Originally posted on Elizabeth’s blog, Queen E The Third.

I’m just going to come right out and say it.

Before having kids?

I was a hot piece of ass.

Of course I didn’t see it then, but boy, do I see it now.

I would give my first born to have the body of 19 year old me again.

Just kidding.

My second born.

Just kidding.

The dog.

He barks too much anyways.

*

When I got pregnant with Samantha I didn’t gain more than 6 pounds in the first 4.5 months. I still comfortably wore all my regular clothes.

At nearly 5 months pregnant people actually didn’t believe I was pregnant.

Do you hate me now?

Sure, things changed some. Almost immediately there was some shifting. But nothing too drastic. I wasn’t working out. After losing my job [because I was pregnant, in not so many words. True story.] I really wasn’t doing much of anything. Except for eating whatever I wanted. When it came to food, I pulled the pregnant card more than what would be acceptable from Michelle Duggar. I survived solely on Olive Garden, Taco Bell, Taormina’s Pizza [it’s a Detroit thing, you wouldn’t understand], Cold Stone or Ben & Jerry’s, and Sprite. For real.

Then somewhere between 4.5 and 5 months I woke up one morning with a bump. A certifiable, visible to the public, baby bump. My pants would no longer button and my suit jacket wouldn’t close. Thankfully I could go without the jacket, but pants? Not wearing pants to work is generally frowned upon, unless you’re a in a specialty line of work. I used a hair time to keep my pants together and wore the longest shirt I could find. I probably spend the majority of that day with my zipper down and didn’t realize it. As soon as I left work I went and bought my first pair of maternity pants.

At first everyone told me that I made a such a cute pregnant woman. That it was “all in my belly” and “you don’t even look pregnant from behind”. I begged to differ, but compliments are nice. Then as I grew the comments were more like “are you having twins?” and “you must be due any second!”

No and no. But thanks.

I remember putting my cocoa butter on every day and simultaneously praying/thanking for no stretch marks.

7 months in, 2 to go.

In those last 4 months of my first pregnancy I gained almost sixty pounds.

SIX. ZERO.

The majority of that weight came on in just the last month. Bringing with it stretch marks that made my belly look like it’d been mauled by a tiger. They were long and purple and deep and they hurt like hell.To make the area formerly known as my sexy stomach even more of a crime scene, the scar tissue from my naval ring got hard and turned a poop shade of brown.

On the day I went into labor with Samantha I was 218 pounds.

In the 10th hour of labor or so, with no drugs.
She was 9 pounds and 9 ounces at birth.

Dare I say perfection? I dare.

When I hobbled out of left the hospital, I was somewhere in the 180s and determined to get my body back. Two weeks postpartum I started walking with Sam. At first I was only doing a couple blocks, then after my mom bought me an encouraging new pair of sneakers I started building up little by little. Eventually we got up to 7 miles each trip.

I started to get bored and craved a little alone time. Ken and I agreed that I would get an hour a day at the gym. I did 30-60 minutes on the elliptical and ran/walk depending on how much my knee could take.

When I went back to work after my 6 weeks of maternity leave I decided I would bike rather than drive. Never you mind that it was 8.5 miles one way and I hadn’t ridden a bike in well over 5 years. I was going to do it. Dammit.

And I did.

I used Ken’s old bike, after replacing it with a super cushiony seat [hemorrhoids say what?]. I packed my work clothes, breakfast and lunch in a backpack and loaded my iPod. On good days the ride was about 30 minutes. By the time I got to work I was sweaty and my face was beat red, but I felt good.

I rode to and from work, then if time allowed, before Ken had to leave, I would also go to the gym. In the afternoon we did our walks. Whenever Sam was playing on the floor I would get down and do endless crunches. When she was restless, I would put her in the carrier and do lunges up and down the hallway.

The last of the baby weight?

Fell off. Fast.

I was down to a few pounds less than before I was pregnant and things were fitting.

I don’t know that I’d ever felt so good in my life.

I was proud of myself.

And I was confident. Mostly.

With my clothes on you’d never guess I’d had a baby. But without? I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. My stomach was deflated. The skin was loose and droopy. You know when you have a bunch of helium balloons that you forgot about and they start to loose air, getting those little wrinkles? That’s what my stomach looked like. I think Jess describes it best when she compared the postpartum belly to raw bread dough. Believe me, it is every bit as appetizing.

I tried everything. Cocoa butter. Vitamins. Drinking gallons of water. Bio Oil. Mederma. Nothing worked. Not even a little bit. I toy around with the idea of a tummy tuck, but won’t seriously think about it until I know that I am done fulfilling my duties as resident baby grower.

Angus is SO not impressed.

Until then I’ll continue to remind myself that Sam was more than worth it. I mean, I got a beautiful baby, and all it cost me was the skin from my midsection.