Pregnant

Overcoming PPD & Learning to Accept My Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 5 Comments

Number of pregnancies: 4, number of live births: 2, age of children: 9 & 18 months

I would like to start out by saying thank you for your website. What an absolute blessing it was for me to happen across it. I am 28 years old and a proud mom to a 9 year old boy and an 18 month old girl. I have a “big boned” body which basically means I don’t look the weight that I am. I currently weigh 220 lbs, size 16 jeans and size 42 DD bra.

With that said, I got married and pregnant at the age of 18 when I weighed 140 lbs and when I gave birth at the age of 19 I weighed 180 lbs. I divorced his father when he was the age my daughter is now. His father does not care to be in his life and after being a single mother for 2 years I met the guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. At the beginning of the relationship I weighed 160 lbs. About a year into the relationship I was up to 180 lbs and it is around this time he began to see other women. Although I knew of his affairs I desperately wanted a child with him as well as a dad for my son. I became pregnant twice. Both ended in miscarriages at around 12-15 weeks. After the miscarriages he began to treat me horribly. He broke me down mentally and I hated myself. About 5 years into the relationship I broke it off. Once again I was a single mom. I worked hard to lose weight and got down to 160 lbs.. I joined a local church and began to build my relationship with the Lord. About 2 months after I joined the church I began dating a man who was also a member. He was 21, I was 26 and we found out we were expecting a child after 4 months of dating. He was extremely excited as well as his family. We were soon engaged. He was by my side throughout the entire pregnancy. I weighed 250 lbs when I gave birth and our daughter weighed 10 lbs 4 oz. He was the first one to hold our daughter and he was the first person to change her diaper. He is a wonderful father to our daughter and to my son. I am just getting over PPD and it has been very hard. He has been through it all with me and he loves my body no matter how big or small I am but for me it has been very difficult. Right after I had my son I bounced back to 140 lbs, was tone, fit and had teenager boobs still. But I was 19, this time I was 26. I am now 220 lbs and have never been this big in my life. Every time I looked at myself in the mirror I teared up. I hated the way I look which in turn made me feel terrible which in turn made me unpleasant for my family to be around me. I want to lose weight but I am a stay at home mom running after a VERY active 18 month old toddler so working out is at the bottom of my “to do” list. So I am coming to terms with my looks and now when I see my reflection in the full length mirror when I get out of the shower I smile because I know that my body is a temple and has housed 4 miracles, two who are angels and two who are running around in the living room laughing and playing. My fiance loves me like no one ever has and I am learning, from him, how to love myself.

I hope my stories and pictures can help someone the way that others have helped me. We are ALL beautiful no matter what our skin looks like…our children are worth every bump, stretch mark, flap and sag our body has endured.

Pic #1: 7 months pregnant with baby #2
Pic #2: 9 months pregnant with baby #2
Pic #3: 18 months pp from baby #2 (side)
Pic #4: 18 months pp from baby #2 stretch marks
Pic #5: 18 months pp from baby #2

18, Overweight, and Pregnant (Trish)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 6 Comments

I have always been over weight for as long as i can remember, at 18 i met my fiance and he was 33! he was so fun and it was risky and fun to be with an older guy and i knew my family would hate it. but 4months in i found out i was pregnant, i freaked out how could i be? i was on the pill! but i was. he was so understanding and actually excited! well my family dis-owned me and his dis-owned him, we carried on our relationship, i moved in with him & in Nov. along came our son! he was amazing and 6months later i am finally ok with my body because my son loves me no matter what and so does my fiance and thats all that matters so i started to love myself to, i am working on losing some weight, to be healthy not to look any better! :)

the photo in the tshirt i am 38 weeks pregnant. the others are 6months PP.

7 Months Pregnant and Scared (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, PCOS, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

I came across your site after seeing it in the DM, I don’t feel easier, (yet) but am glad I am not alone.

I have never been a size 8, always a 12/14, after my daughter was born a size 14 was most comfortable. I grew up with a women who made food and weight a bit issue in the house, it never bothered me back then, but in this pregnancy all my insecurities are coming out.
It started when I went for my 12 week scan, and the midwife basically told me I was to fat too see the baby properly, at this point I should say I am 5ft 4 and weighed round 10ish stone, I have PCOS and my stomach has always been bloated and to top it off I have a anterior placenta.
It didn’t help though, I walked out the scan room in tears, I chucked out my scales and swore to cut back on food, and for 6 weeks I did, and my weight levelled. Having no will power, I started comfort eating, I still do, every day I look at my body in disgust trying not to cry, I love being pregnant, but can’t handle the changes that are happening. I have a friend who is 5 weeks behind me, she knows my issues, yet she is always going on about how the MW says she’s a perfect weight, and her scan was fantastic because she is so thin :( I tend to avoid her now.
I love being pregnant and having a bump, its the excess skin under it I hate, I have no fat any were else really, bar normal weight gain on chin/arms/ankles which I know I will lose slowly after birth, I just cannot stand my stomach. My husband is fed up with it, doesn’t understand, I don’t expect him too.

All the things that were thrown at me as I was growing up haunt me every time I eat, guilt hitting me but I can’t stop. My (ex) mother always made out fat people to be bad and disgusting and lazy (who I feel I am today :()

Its really getting to me, I have 13 weeks left, and I don’t know how I am going to get through without going mad with worry how I am going to deal with my body after, I am scared my weight means I am going to have a 9/10lb baby and that frightens me, I have no motivation to exercise and all my hubby wants to eat is junk, I try healthy eating but he then promptly has a second meal as he is still hungry I end up eating again and feel guilty about my stomach and the poor boy inside!

I read the papers every day, I see all over face book these slim women who have bounced back to shape and get so jealous, so finding your site, I hope to seek comfort here, bouncing back to nothing isn’t the norm, to have a belly and stretch marks is nothing to be ashamed of, I just wish I could believe it, and live by that, but currently I can’t :(

Society and it’s size 0 perfect body mentality sucks

Pic added I was 23 weeks 5 days I refuse to let the camera near me now, yes I well and truly edited it to hide the rankness!

Age: 30
I currently have one child who is 2yrs 6mths and 7months pregnant

It’s OK to Feel Beautiful (Jennifer)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 17 Comments

age 23
4 pregnancies/ 3 births

I am a 23 year old mother of 3 children ages, 6,4 and 2. I gave birth to my oldest at the young age of 17…Even then I was overweight… Not nearly as big as I am now, but chunky none the less… I had given birth vaginally 3 times in 4.5 years… I barely had any time between pregnancies to get my body in shape… I used to hate myself and I was ashamed of how I looked. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and just crying looking at myself. I was embarrassed when I would go to the OB and have to pull up my shirt to show tons and tons of stretchmarks covering my belly and sides. Not to mention having to have anatomy scans done in the hospital rather than in office because the machines weren’t strong enough to get a clear shot through all of my extra belly fat. I can remember the embarrassment during labor and having to be naked in front of practically everyone in the room. I remember thinking ” I wish I were thinner, I KNOW I wouldn’t be so embarrassed” or thinking that everyone is in disgust with my body…

Right before I gave birth to my youngest, my husband cheated on me for the 4th time.. I had allowed this behavior over and over again because I didn’t feel deserving of love and true happiness because I didn’t love myself. And each time my husband got with another woman, it pushed me further and further away from myself and bringing more disgust and hate and blaming my looks for him straying…

It’s been 2 years since I have given birth and I am 80lbs down from the 378lbs that I was when I delivered. I separated from my husband and I have met the man of my dreams, the one who I always though I deserved. Someone who truly loves everything about me( even my weird toes :P)He showed me that I am allowed to love myself and that there is someone who finds everything I find imperfect about myself, perfect. He makes me feel like a princess and I love him so much…

I feel fabulous. I love who I am, I love every little stretch mark, I love my voluptuous shape, I don’t even mind my cellulite.. All these years I had been telling myself I am not allowed to love who I am and think I am beautiful because of my weight.. But now I know I was wrong. I was beautiful then and I’m beautiful now.. Size does not equate worth, or love, or beauty..

Saggy boobs, mommy pooch, wide hips even my stretchmarks.. They’re beautiful.

Mother to 10! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Legs, Mom over 30, Pregnant, Submissions 4 Comments

Age:38
4 birth children, 5 adopted children, ages 17-11.
pregnancy number 5, 7.5 months!

As a teenager, I remember distinctly saying I would never ever have children. I still sometimes wake up and wonder what exactly happened? My mission for my adult life has been to be a child advocate and take in children who were in foster care like I was as a kid. I would not change a thing. However, being pregnant at 38 is much different from 19, I have found out. Not that it was super easy at a younger age, I just have enjoyed being a “younger” mom and sometimes being mistaken for my older daughter’s sister rather than mom. I wonder how my tenth child will feel when I am showing up to his high school games looking like a little granny, well I probably will be a granny and have some grandkids in tow more than likely. Not that I really care, I will yell till my dentures hurt probably.

I was very intrigued coming across your site, as I have been reading in my “free” time about the recent onslaught of media and celebrity pregnancies, browsing through sites and looking at airbrushed photos of the “stars” on covers of recent mags bearing all in their pregnancies. No one really can get away from looking like humpty dumpty I have decided, and I say that in a good way. I almost decorated my stomach as an Easter egg this past holiday but did not have enough energy. Every pregnancy I have been anemic, a little challenge with a brood at home.

With 4 teenage daughters my hope for them is to be able to love their bodies, through their lifetimes as they change from girls to women. A VERY difficult thing to do in today’s society of plastic. I applaud every woman who has taken the moment to share her story, her tribulations and excitement on her gift of life. I have my own worries as becoming a mother to 10 children and raising my new son, I would love to be free of blue veins, ( I have had a botched vein removal, and hemorrhoid surgery- owie!!!) and to have my breasts back to the size they were in high school. No one told me that breastfeeding would cause my breasts to get smaller, lol. And after 4 children treating me as a cow, it saddens me that I have been the smallest cup size in the house, going from a C cup to an AA cup. After this 5th bout of breastfeeding I think I will just have 2 nipples probably. That is a downside of what happens but I am okay with it, and excited to be able to experience the intimate time of breastfeeding again with my soon to be born child.

To be pregnant is one of the most amazing wonders of the world, to feel like your body is overcome by some alien being who you love and dream about before you meet their tiny eyes. To sacrifice your vanity to bring a blessing into the world. Nothing comes close in my opinion. All that said I will be a little insecure when summer comes and finding a swimsuit. I love the sun, summer and water. I remind myself no matter what I am thoroughly blessed to have my children, a wonderful committed partner who will be an amazing father to this little one, and jeans in the back of the closet will fit again someday. I will just have to have patience on when that someday actually turns out to be.

Keep your heads up and your hearts open… beautiful women we all are, all shapes and sizes, changed bodies and all!

“A mother’s joy begins when new life is stirring inside… when a tiny heartbeat is heard for the very first time, and a playful kick reminds her that she is never alone“ By Author Unknown

Scared to Gain Weight (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Eating Disorder, No Photos (Story Only), Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 11 Comments

I’m 21 years old and I’ve struggled with both anorexia and bulimia since I was 17 years old. I was about 120 when I got pregnant with my first pregnancy I gained about 45 pounds throughout the nine months, and I hated being so big, but since I never ate before my body held on to everything I ate. so towards the end of my pregnancy my daughter remained in my ribs so underneath the bottom part of my stomach was the extra flabby skin, which made me so self conscious, as well as the horrible stretch marks I had. I had my daughter, and tried to lose the weight the healthy way, and that lasted for about a month, I lost all that baby weight and more so quick everyone around me was worried, I ended up weighing 100lb. ad soon after my daughters second birthday I was slowly gaining weight again, then lost it again. well I found out I was pregnant with my second baby a few weeks ago, I’m currently 11 weeks and I have put on about 15lbs since I’ve found out I was pregnant. the thing is I don’t wanna gain a huge amount of weight with this baby and I wanna be healthy throughout this pregnancy, but I constantly feel like I’m going to pass out if I’m not eating. I don’t know what to do. does anyone have any advise they would like to give me. thank you in advance.

2 pregnancies; 1 delivery
2year old little girl
I currently have no pictures to send in.

My husband loves my body, why can’t I? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Legs, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 13 Comments

Age-24
Pregnancies/Births-1

Today I am 17 weeks postpartum.

Just a little background- I had always had self image problems. I remember puking in middle school until high school were during my junior year I met my now husband.He immediately was putting “meat” on my frail 80lb body. I am 5’2”. So I was really starved and needed the help. My husband and I have been together for 7 1/2 years now. Yes, do the math we met when I was 16. And my husband is 7 years older than I am as well.

During my pregnancy my Mother in Law who lives 2 hours away would say how “huge” I had gotten. I ended up almost destroying our relationship. I didn’t get ONE stretch mark until 32 weeks. After I had my beautiful baby girl I was proud of my baby and my body after the birth. This body created life. Something so beautiful! My husband and I were crazy for each other and our baby! We couldn’t keep our hands off each other- Just as we were just before birth and before I was carrying our baby. I had the birth I dreamed of. I managed the pain and had a natural birth. Our plans came together and we worked together beautifully during the birth.

And then life hit and my mom was in the room after I had taken a bath during the day after having my baby. “Oh my god, your stretch marks are worse than mine” I was still positive then- It had barely been 16 hours. I brushed it off. We come home and I still embrace them. I began nursing her and she grew like a weed! almost 3 pounds in 13 days! After she was a month old I began scrutinizing my body in the mirror. My legs had large amounts almost to my knee cap and my stomach had plenty as well. Ugh. I tried Mederma and used it religiously and would ask my husband if they looked any better.

Months later she still says my stretch marks are worse than hers because I have them on my legs as well. I can’t get over this. I have lost the 27 pounds I gained during pregnancy. And most of the marks have faded. She does ultrasound cavitation you may have seen it on Dr Oz. Anyways she has done that on them as well. And they look somewhat better. But I am to the point now I DO NOT want to be around her. I wear clothes that cover my mid section so she doesn’t have to see a roll or a mark. It’s the same in public as well. I will feel like a goddess at home in my clothes while nursing etc and then when I leave I feel like everyone knows. Everyone sees my marks my scars. They see my tattoo along with the scars and probably think yep she will never show that off again.

I want to wear my stretch marks with pride. My husband LOVES my body now. He loves rubbing it. Hell, He keeps me up most nights rubbing me and shaking my ass begging me to love on him and kiss him. He constantly wants to make love. And I can’t get over my body while making love. He wasn’t like this before- I swear- we loved one another but not like this. It is really like he is obsessed with me now. Why can’t I feel this good about my body if he does?

I am still in the process of healing my mind from the scarring. But, I come to this site often and love to read and look at photos and I figured why not. I could help someone else and it might help me as well. I want to feel like a goddess when I leave my home even when my husband isn’t beside me telling my how beautiful I am. I am afraid if I don’t fix my mind now it could take a toll on our relationship. If you don’t love yourself no one else can love you either.

Photo #1- 2010 photo I took for my husband before we got married.
Photo#2- 38 weeks pregnant- I gave birth just 2 weeks later but I remained the same measurements
photo #3- 3 months post-natal
Photo #4-3 months post-natal side view

Uncomfortable In My Skin (Amber)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 13 Comments

Age: 21, Pregnancies: 1, Births: 1, Children: 1 girl, age 3.

I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant, half way through my senior year of High School. I had my daughter one month after my 18th birthday.

I conceived my daughter the very first time I had slept with my new boyfriend. We found out when I was 8 weeks along. We were both horrified and discussed all the options, we both agreed that abortion was the only way and we couldn’t tell our parents either. Needless to say, I didn’t have an abortion, and I am beyond thankful because I love my daughter more than I have ever loved anything.

I have always been uncomfortable with myself, even before I became pregnant, and now I regret being self conscious when I should have appreciated the body I once had. The scars I have now, I can’t hide. I hate hating my body, so I try to own my beauty and what came from these scars. It’s hard, the hardest battle I have fought is accepting myself. It holds me back in a lot of what I do, I am always careful in making sure that I hide my scars to the best of my ability. It’s on my mind in everything I do, and every move I make. But I realize now, after finding this wonderful site, I’m not the only one.

In the first photo you see me 36 weeks along, the scars were all there, but my boyfriend(now ex/daughters father) photo shopped the picture, and I think that made my self consciousness worse. Knowing that he wasn’t okay with what had happened to my body made me even less okay with it. How was I supposed to love what I had become if the person who helped me do this doesn’t love what I have become. Even worse when we separated, how was I supposed to find someone else who could love what I have become. Another hard battle to fight.

But I have to remember, from these scars came something beautiful, and I will own that.

Photos:
1: 36 weeks pregnant (photo shopped)
2: My belly now
3: The beauty that came from these marks

Face of a Single Prayer (Allyshia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Eating Disorder, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 7 Comments

age: 17.
Pregnancies: 2 // births: 1 and 1 on the way!
Age of children: 13 months and 9 weeks pregnant :)

I was 15, struggling through anorexia and I was 78 lbs. I was 4’10” and still am at the moment! I was about 87 lbs at the time I conceived my daughter and my weight went up and up and up! I had a sudden realization that I needed to eat. So from 200 to 1800 calories a day I went. I put on about 25 lbs in the first 20 weeks. Which, was actually 20 lbs of weight I needed for myself. So 5 lbs for baby! By 38 weeks, I was 138 lbs. I had gained about 30 for baby and 20 for me. I felt pretty good. Big but good! I didn’t get stretch marks untl 28-29 weeks though. So I had a long way and a lot of stretch marks to gain. I got them on my boobs, butt, back, belly, the back of my knees, my ankles, everywhere!

On February 24, 2011 at 12:30 am, my water broke. At 8:50 am, after only 3 hours and 20 minutes of hard labor, my beautiful 7 lb 11 oz baby girl was born naturally. No epidural. Nothing. Just breathing and relaxation. She is a beautiful little toddler, healthy and happy and just so happy! She has the normal health issues any baby would have; ear infections here and there, a yeast infection once, bladder infection once. I think it’s because I didn’t strengthen her immune system by breast feeding. I feel bad for not being able to but she has done so well anyway.

On February 15, 2012 her little sibling was conceived! (From the ultrasound we got) We are 9 weeks pregnant and ecstatic. It was unplanned but one night of passionate Valentines day love turned into another loved little one :) He/she looked like a little bean on the ultrasound.

My weight is about 118 lbs right now (still healthy range) and has only gone up a lb since this baby. Our weight gain goal is about 25-30 lbs. I plan on exercising and walking and eating healthier this pregnancy so it is easier to flatten my tummy. I don’t care about the extra skin. I just want to stop looking pregnant whenever I eat (except now. it’s okay now!). I might get a belly band as well. My stretch marks have faded all naturally. No procedures at all.

Thanks for reading :)

PICTURES!

1st) 5 weeks/pre pregnancy body:
2nd) 20 weeks with baby girl:
3rd) 34 weeks:
4th) 38 weeks belly! :
5th) 8 weeks with this bub! :
6th: 8 week 5 day ultrasound:
7th) postpartum belly (taken today):
8th) my girl on her 1st birthday:
9th) my Lilia today! :