Postpartum

Will I Ever Feel Comfortable in My Body Again? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 11 Comments

I have two beautiful children who I love with ALL of my heart, but I hate the way my body has changed since having them. I often hear people say, “I love my stretch marks because when I look at them I am reminded of my children” I don’t look at it that way at all…I see only stretch marks with no emotional meaning attatched to them, other than how sad they make me feel. I wish that I could get back to my body before babies but it seems just so far off. I don’t feel comfortable in clothes and am constantly checking what I look like in the mirror. I try to only buy loose fitting blouses as I don’t want any attention paid to my midsection. My breasts have completely dropped after two pregnancies and breastfeeding two infants. Will I eventually just accept that this is the way I’m going to look? Will I get the honest motivation to do something about this? I don’t know…I guess only time will tell.

Age 24
2 pregnancies
10 months post partum

My New Body (Ashleigh)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 18 Comments

I have been cruel to my new body, berating it, resenting it, and comparing it to my “old” body. Which I yearn for every time my husband looks at me, every time I catch a glimpse of my own reflection. I tend to forget the level of contempt I held for my “old” body when it was the one I lived in. I want to change the way I view my body now, I want to appreciate the experiences which have shaped it and proudly proclaim adoration for it.

My hands which were once polished and smooth, filed and unblemished, are now chipped and calloused.But they still paint and caress, type, clap and sketch. They are just fuller now, full of laundry, dishes, tiny fingers, toys, blankies, binkies and graham crackers. At first glance, my hands are undistinguished, they don’t ooze of femininity, decorated and bejeweled, but my hands are important, they wipe and wash, they heal and cheer, they guide and protect. I love my new hands.

My arms are no longer slender and tan. They are plump and pale, frequently hidden by long sleeved shirts. But they have the power to fix things, to make everything better with an enveloping hug. They have the power to express love beyond compare, to ignite intimacy and create solidarity. I love my new arms.

My stomach is no longer flat or smooth. Its convex curves spill over my jeans, causing me constant frustration. But it is where my daughters grew, where I kept them safe until they were ready to enter the world. It is where they love to snuggle. The shallow pink ridges along the surface are a reminder of my greatest accomplishment. My stomach is soft to touch, a place my husband’s hand often sweeps across, a reminder of his love, a show of appreciation for the gifts my body given us. I love my new stomach.

My legs are no longer slender, they touch when I walk and are dimpled in places I wish were smooth. But my legs allow me to walk beside my husband, to run and play. My legs are strong, they allow me to lift both of my girls, to carry them, to jump with them, to chase them. I love my new legs.

My body is not perfect. It is no longer perky, or tan and or slender. But my body is strong, my body lives, my body gives life. I love my new body.

My Little Fire (Nicholle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 7 Comments

3months PP
Age; 21
2 pregnancies, 1 birth

O_o REALLY!?!?!?

I was a freaking size 5 a size 5!!!!!! I was happy i wasn’t skinny but i wasn’t chunky i was 136 and 5ft 6in the beginning of my pregnancy was anything but easy i had chronic morning sickness for the first 6months , instead of gaining weight i was 128 i was loving it my baby was healthy i was healthy everything was grand but . . . my morning sickness went away I wanted nachos bellgrande everyday or subways and for some reason peanut butter and bologna sandwiches LOL . . .

At the doctors my little munchkin was considered small for his age weighing only 4lbs at 35 weeks besides his weight he was healthy and besides my heartburn i didn’t mind being 145 then 162 I had decided to name my son Aiden ( i later realized that Carrie from sex and the city had an aiden as a bf lol) which in Irish means “little fire” and boy was he heartburn everyday!!!! he liked to push his butt into the right side of my belly and would shove his knees into my ribs -_- everyone said you’re all belly omg you’re gonna recover so good LIES!! i was in labor for 36hrs before the hospital kept me finally and that was another hell altogether since my epidural was given tome 15min b4 they realized i was 10cm dilated and was ready to push but he came out quickly and weighed 5lbs and 15oz healthy as can be the day i left the hospital i weighed 172lbs which startled me because I was that very weight when i had seen my prenatal doc a week before so i wasn’t all belly but mostly fat =/

and more hell began because i bled immensly and though i wasn’t swollen my whole pregnancy the day i got home my legs were hams!!!!! it hurt to stand up but 3weeks later and 2weeks shy of my bday i weighed 168 so i was excited i lost weight BUT the celebration ended because i became so hungry breast feeding i started binge eating everything!! and went up to 189!!! now while this may seem not so bad i was devistated i stepped on the scale and cried i thought f** it im gonna starve myself i even tried the HCG diet of 500 cal and instead went up to 193!! so i went online and started researching because my plan is to fit back into my 5/6 by september and i started doing slim in 6 and eating 1200 cal as well as using protein shakes after my workouts and in a week since march 24 have dropped a few lbs and im currently 183.4 yay!! but im still a size 15 in jeans and after birth i was an 11 my waist is 45″ and it used to b a 28 for me this journey was hard and now 3 and a half months post birth I just started acceptong that im not gonna b slim in a week or a month my sister in law went from being 116 to 190 and it took her 6months after birth to be 145 she says all she did was eat salads and cut off sweets but i love sweets but thankx to this site which i stumbled on while looking up post pregnancy pictures i actually feel normal not like a whale you women unknowingly became my support system and thank you for that <3 and a quote we should all live by is said by the she-devil herself ms Gaga-- "I'M BEAUTIFUL IN MY WAY 'CAUSE GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY I WAS BORN THIS WAY DON'T HIDE YOURSELF IN REGRET JUST LOVE YOURSELF AND YOU'RE SET I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY I WAS BORN THIS WAY" i wasnt born a size 0 or a 3 but if i was a 9 and healthy thats the happiest i could be =} will update in a month thanx for havin a place i can show myself off without feeling made fun of you rock! Also i was going to purchase a Belly Bandit does anyone know if it works and im currently doing as of lastweek slim in 6 series with intervals of 10minute trainer and 6minute abs i workout twice a day 30-60min in the morning and 10-30min in the evening and i eat 1200-1400 calories a day i drink one syntha6 protein shake after my am workout and one after the pm workout at 183 my body needs 72g of protein; also ladies remember no eating 3hrs before bed if u go to bed hungry u burn calories from fat!! (1hr can burn 50-53cals) eat 1hr within waking up and eat 5-6 small meals a day pictures: 1. me before the baby 2months before 2.3 months pregnant 3. 8months pregnant 4. day i gave birth december 30th 2010 5. 1week after birth 6-8. 2 and a half months after birth (189lbs) 9-11. me as of today 4/2/2011 183lbs 12. aiden 3months =] [gallery]

A New Outlook on Life (Kayla)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 8 Comments

Before I was pregnant, I was actually 100% happy with my body. If someone would tell me that I’m fat (mean people) or could lose a few pounds before I get too old and can’t lose the weight (my parents), I would let it roll of my back for the most part. I liked my body. It was curvy and strong and I had a flat stomach for being a “bigger” girl and I never felt disgusted with myself when I stood in front of a mirror.

Then I got pregnant and didn’t really show BIG TIME until I was about 6 months along, and then there was hiding it! Patrick was ready to be the center of attention even in the womb! =) Toward the end of my pregnancy, people started to make remarks that were hurtful, and it had little to do with my crazy hormones. “My goodness you’re huge! Are you going to have that baby right now!? Are you sure there aren’t twins in there?!” They may not have always meant it in a negative way, but it definitely made me more sensitive to comments about how I looked. Then my son was born…and he has been my #1 priority ever since. I am able to be home with Patrick all day, every day and I haven’t dropped the baby weight, and I know that everyone has noticed. I have heard a few comments that have stopped me in my tracks and taken everything in me not to take them 100% to heart. Consider the source, I try to remind myself…but it’s hard. It’s hard when I used to be what is more socially acceptable and happy with my size, and now people expect me to be back to that because I now “don’t have an excuse and the kid’s already 6 months old.” I hate clothes shopping. I pretty much always have, but now that I’m in a body I’m unhappy in, I hate it even more. I still expect to look in a mirror and see the “old me” and sometimes find myself wallowing in self pity and disgust at how I now look.

And then one day, I asked my boyfriend, Don, if my “new” body bothers him. If he misses the body I had when he 1st met me. And he said something I never thought I’d hear again: “You’re beautiful and I still love YOUR body. New or old…it’s all the same to me because it’s you.”

And so, every day I will try to remind myself that each stretch mark is a memory of my pregnancy that I will always have and wouldn’t trade for the world. Every part of me that some may look at with disgust and pity of how I’ve “let myself go” is a part of me that my son will never hate me for. To him, I’m perfect. I’m beautiful and strong and warm and loving and perfect. When Patrick looks at me, he doesn’t see me as being anything but his Mommy…and I’m going to do my best to start seeing things from his and Don’s perspective.

I am not who I was before I became pregnant. I do not have the body I had before I became pregnant………..

And I wouldn’t go back for the world. Patrick is my everything, and I wouldn’t trade him to be or look like the girl I was before. He has made me a better person and I’m proud of that. Some people have told me that they actually are jealous of me! ME! Some of you are probably wondering why in the world someone would be jealous of me. Well can you guess what they have said?

They said they envy how I know who I am, and I’m proud of it. I am a strong, independent woman, and although I have let negative outlooks on my body chip away at me a little, I’m self assured. I gave birth to my son, who is healthy and smart and growing just as he should because I carried him in my body when some may say, I didn’t have to. I have a man who loves me so completely, others stand back and just watch the way we look at one another and communicate through more than words. I can stay home with Patrick and take care of him and see all his milestones and be there for him 100% all the time. They envy the obvious love and admiration I have for my son and the love Don and I have for each other. My body may not be magazine cover worthy, but it’s real and it gets me through every day of my life, and I’m grateful. I am done letting society’s views on appropriate size dictate how I feel in my own skin.

I am 25 years old…and as my grandpa Harold once told me, “Life is too short to worry about fitting into anything but a coffin, and even those can be made bigger.” So if I want to eat buttery popcorn at a movie theater, I will. If I want to bake cookies at 11 o’clock at night and have 2 each day for the rest of my life, I’m going to. Because the only man in my life whose opinion matters to me thinks I’m perfect just as I am, and it’s high time I start listening.

So bring on the clothes shopping and the 360 degree mirrors, because no matter what, who I am on the inside is all I need to take note of. =)

Age~25
Pregnancies~1
Births~1
7 months postpartum

My New Tattoos (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Cesarean, Mom over 30, No Photos (Story Only), Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Update 6 Comments

Age: 31
2 pregnancies/2 c-sections
20 months and 2 months

When I made my first submission I was in a great place and had finally accepted my new body. I was pregnant a month later (the first time we had unprotected sex) and enjoyed my second pregnancy just as much as the first – there’s something to be said for creating someone out of nothing…. Anyway, I gained just as much weight with this pregnancy (40lbs) but my body did very different things. My giant baby boy was born 11lbs 1oz with my first pregnancy. I had a couple stretch marks on my hips and some elephant skin on my belly but that was it. With my smaller little girl (9lbs 14oz) I got stretch marks all over the right side of my belly. I had been hoping for a vbac but my baby was in distress – every time I had a contraction her heartbeat went from 140 beats per minute to around 40. And do you know what upset me the most about having another c-section? Losing the giant scar I had from my first baby because he left so few marks on my body. The doctor had stapled me back together after my son was born, and the scar was probably 7 or 8mm wide in some places, and it had huge ridges and dents…. My new c-section scar is teeny tiny (I got stitches instead of staples), maybe a bit more than a hair wide. Except on one end, where I’ve still got a little bit of my baby boy tattoo left. And that’s what I’ve started calling all these special marks I have all over my body. My husband goes and gets a new tattoo every time he accomplishes something. Or wants to remember something. And he used to ask me if I was ever going to go get one. The other day I told him that my stretch marks and wrinkled skin and c-section scars are my tattoos. Even without them I’d never forget what I’ve accomplished or my wonderful little people, but I think these marks on my body are pretty darn special. I just really wish I knew which ones on my hips were from which kid :-)

Updated here.

My Ever-Changing Body (Danelle)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 6 Comments

I’m currently 6 weeks postpartum I’m 28 years old and I’ve had a total of 4 c sections. My name is Danelle and my oldest girl is 10 years old I had her when I was 17 exactly one week before my 18th birthday. I went from 195 back to 150 in about 6 months. But I got pregnant again with my second girl she will be turning 9 in august I went from 175 back to 160 and then gained weight because of my junk food habit! But I started going to the gym and going on walks and dancing in my living room and then boom my son came along! He is now 4 years old and he’s a handful probably because he’s surrounded by women. My new baby girl came along when I was extremely overweight I am 5ft 1 and I weighed 200 pounds with this pregnancy I gained 10 pounds. I’m now 190 and I’m hoping I can keep the weight loss going I go back to work in 2 weeks and my job is very physically demanding. I have been walking everyday but I’ve had to take it extra easy. This time my recovery has been a lot harder because of our financail situation but I hang on to my faith. My body still isn’t back into shape but it usually takes me about 4 to 6 months to get myself up to speed. But this time I’ve quit smoking I’m making excercize a habit and I’m eating healthy and staying away from soda and fast food. I’m extremely self conscious about my belly. But its a part of me and it carried 4 beautiful children into this world. Belly or no belly thunder thighs or stick thighs I’m a beautiful woman regardless of what our society says I should be! I’m going to get myself healthy for myself and for my children so I can see my grandchildren grow up. No woman should be ashamed of the damage left by child birth we should wear them with pride. We brought a life into this world and survived and that combined with the neverending love we have for our children is priceless! I have included pics of my belly pics of my children and myself at 5 weeks post partum I like this site and what it stands for! Its wonderful to see a site that allows women to express their feelings and tell their stories and learn to love and accept their bodies

Forever Hiding Behind My Clothes (Amanda)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 24 Comments

Pregnancies:1
Age: 19

Hello my name is Amanda I am ONE WEEK postpartum from having my beautiful daughter. I had a great pregnancy with no complications up untill I was due I went 4 days over my due date and then I had false
labor when I got to the hospital they checked my amniotic fluid levels and it was so low they said I had been leaking for a few days,they decided to induce me and I was in labor for 23 hours total! After all that time I stopped dilating at 4 centimeters and then the baby’s heartbeat kept dropping,so they decided to do an emergency c-section. Thankfully the baby was perfectly healthy and all was well.

At the start of my pregnancy I weighed 110 lbs and at the end I weighed 161 lbs. With the weight gain i got a MASSIVE amount of stretch marks what seems to be every place imaginable my stomach, hips, butt, boobs, thighs, even the back of my knees. They are so big and dark in color they make me so disgusted. I can’t even where shorts or dresses anymore because I am so insecure and embarrassed about the stretch marks… I’m only 19 and I feel like my body is destroyed and i never want my husband to see me naked again. I hope eventually I can come to terms with my body and start to take pride in my stretch marks.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to lighten stretch marks and tighten the loose skin on the stomach please I am willing to try anything.

Thank you all for reading my story.

Widowed, But Never Alone (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Widow 8 Comments

Age: 22
Number of births: 2
Ages: 4 years and 2 years

I had my first son when I was seventeen. It took almost two years before I decided to change anything about myself as I weighed almost fifty pounds more then I had before pregnancy. Shortly after getting my body back I lost my husband to the war and was pregnant with my second child. I did everything I could to not loose the hard work I had done and stayed healthy. It is a long struggle and I am still trying to get my body back but I know that things can never be the same. My children keep me strong and fighting everyday.

How do you forgive yourself? (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Submissions, Teen Mom 26 Comments

2 pregnancies 1 birth
Age 6 boy
4 years postpartum
I am 24 years old

I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. More excited then ever, I told the father right away but knew deep down my parents would not be happy so I hid it from them. It wasn’t until one evening that my brother and I had gotten into a confrontation that I was forced to tell my parents. My mother took the news well but my father not so well, he disowned me at the age of 17. I graduated high-school and continued my education, had my son in October :) and he was the highlight of my life. soon after a few year later becoming pregnant again but at that point the father left me. I didn’t think I could do things on my own. Taking care of one child, managing school, and work was hard enough. Having another one I thought would only make it harder. Being a young single mother with no help except what I expected at the age of 20. So I had an terminated the pregnancy. And to this day I regret it. Before I got pregnant with either child I was about 100 lbs. With my son I gained 18 lbs and lost it all right away, with my second by the time I had the abortion I had already gained 15 lbs, and after I fell into post postpartum depression. I now weigh 135 lbs. I dont know if I will ever forgive myself for what I did, I know I was not financially stable but its hard.

I am just starting to like myself ever. (Alice)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo, Teen Mom 5 Comments

24 years old. 2 pregnancies 1 live birth 1 abortion
My daughter is 5 years old in 2 months. I am almost 5 years pp.

I got pregnant with my daughter a week before my 19th birthday. I was in love with a boy who was “out of my league” but it seemed he was interested in me. We were together for 8 months before we got pregnant. Before that I was constantly trying to keep his attention any way I knew how, but he would flirt and cheat and it made me hate myself and my body.

I am 4’11” and pre-pregnancy I weighed 130 pounds. It was the thinnest I had ever been and I was struggling to be skinny for my boyfriend after being overweight my entire life. I gained 55 pounds during my pregnancy and hated myself every minute for it. After I had my daughter I worked quickly to lose all the weight I had gained but my boyfriend turned husband left me for a 90 pound girl 3 years my junior. I hated myself even more. I then promised myself that I would lose all the weight plus some to show how beautiful I was. After 3 years I decided I was losing weight for the wrong reason and I needed to love myself before anyone else could love me. I changed my diet and lifestyle and I wanted to be healthy rather than skinny. When I started getting my confidence back and stopped looking for love in the wrong places I found my now fiance. He told me he loved me no matter what I looked like! Stretch marks and all! I am proud to say that I am down to a healthy (not starved) 107 pounds. We will be trying to have another baby after we are married and this time I will stay healthy and happy for my baby.

picture 1: 8 months pregnant
picture 2: 1 month pp
picture 3: 4 years pp
picture 4: 4.7 years pp still stretch marked but feeling better about me