Postpartum

“Mommy I Love Your Squishy Tummy” (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) 5+ Years Postpartum, Belly, Mom over 30, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 1 Comment

I am 30 years old and I have two children, ages 8 and 6.

The story of how I learned to be ok with my body again after kids is a long one. Similar to many on this site. When I became a single woman with children I thought, “No one will ever love or want me because I am hideous.” What I have learned in the last two years of being single is that is a bunch of hogwash!

I stopped focusing on achieving perfection and instead began to focus on my overall health. I’m 5’7 and I went from 210 lbs with 37% body fat to 150 lbs with 24% body fat. I have maintained this weight for a year. I have fitness goals I am continuing to work towards.

My body is healthy. It isn’t perfect and it never will be. Sometimes I still struggle with knowing this, but I remind myself that there are more important things in life than having a perfect body. I remind myself to be kind and when needed I remind myself that it’s ok to cry over what I have lost. I remind myself how far I have come and ultimately I remember what my children have told me over the years:

“You’re beautiful Mommy!”

“I want to look like you when I’m older Mom.”

“Mommy, I love your tummy so much. It’s soft and squishy and ahhhh… I just love it!”

The ways their eyes light up when people tell them they look like miniature versions of me.

I see them watching me and I am proud that even in my darkest days I have never once exposed them to the emotional turmoil I felt inside. I have not talked down about my body nor have I hidden it in shame. They know we eat well because it’s good for our bodies. They know we are active because we want to be strong and healthy. And I know that they are always watching. I never want them to go through what I have gone through and so that is what motivates me to keep working towards loving myself as I am. Am I 100% there yet? No, I am not, but I am getting there.

It is What it is (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Postpartum, PPD - Postpartum Depression, Submissions 4 Comments

3 years Post partum. 2 c sections, 32 years old.

I had severe undiagnosed perinatal depression with my first child, leading to me demanding a c section or I was going to throw myself off of a ledge. I was terrified and didn’t want to ever be left alone for fear of what might happen. Thankfully treated Post partum depression with my 2nd, so much more manageable.

I will never look the same again, and it has severely impacted how and when I work out or hike or rock climb or anything. My sense of self has been so contorted since being pregnant I am just now grasping at who I used to be.

I loved my body before children. It was the body that was reliable, and would push me to my limits, create expression through movement or strength. I could feel alive in my body and what I was capable of. Pregnancy changed my entire existence. Would I trade my body back?? Of course I would. Right now though, I’m dedicated to reading to my children in the evening even if it means I can’t get my run in. Sometimes I’m depressed about it, most times, however I am now realizing that permanence has no place in my life. Everything is temporary and there is a peace that comes with experiencing and living this.

That’s how it goes. Some days I’m lost, some days I’m found. But it is what it is.

Embracing My Body as a Mother (Jessica)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 4 Comments

I am a 22 year old mother with 2 babies 12 months apart. After my first was born I had an identity crisis. I looked into the mirror and I didn’t know who I was any more, I didn’t recognize my body, I was depressed. Then I had my second and one day I realized I am beautiful because this belly and stretchmarks are given me to me as a sign that I have been blessed with children, a constant reminder of how my life has been beautifully changed into a mother. It is different than my young, tight pre-baby body, but it is just as beautiful because this is my young, beautiful baby stretched mommy body. I am no longer just a beautiful young woman, I am a beautiful young mother! However, I have learned something important through the process of my body turning into a mother and that is, it is ok to grieve. I grieved my old body because it was over, gone, never to be the same again. It is a reality that so many of us women have to face. We may lose the weight, work hard and gain back muscle but somethings will never be what they used to be. The mere fact that we are now mothers means our lives are forever changed. But now it is time to move on and embrace the future as a beautiful Mama!

12 months postpartum with my second
Lawrence 2
Myra 1

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Off Balance (Monica)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 3 Comments

I had my first boy at 21 and my second at 26. I’m now 28 and still working at loving my body. It’s pretty much looked exactly this way since my first child. I’m sometimes unhappy with my breasts, uneven and stretched. I struggle with depression and can be really hard on myself at times. However, I celebrate my flaws when I can and that’s why I’m sharing this photo with you! Today I feel okay with the body I live in. We don’t have to be perfect to be amazing!

092716-monica-1

Learning to Accept Myself (Daniela)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 1 Comment

-My age: 18
-Number of pregnancies/births: 1
-Age of children: 5 months

Last year, I was very depressed and had recently gone through a break up. In an attempt to “numb” myself and my feelings, I began drinking and hanging out with the wrong crowd. One thing led to another and I slept with a boy I barely knew. I ended up getting pregnant on June 2015. I am 5’5 and before my pregnancy, I weighed 130 pounds. By the end of my pregnancy I weighed 190! I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl Jade on March 27, 2016 weighing in at 9 lbs 10 oz. I was so happy and still am, she is the light of my life. Everything in my life would be perfect right now if it weren’t for my body and my insecurities. I got lots of stretch marks and because of the excess weight I gained, I now have a belly pouch. At 5 months PP I weigh 160 so I still want to lose at least 20 pounds. My stretch marks were so dark and ugly that I would cry myself to sleep. I started doing derma rolling and dry brushing and it has helped them immensely. I am still quite young so looking at other 18 year old bodies makes me very sad because I look nothing like that. I am also terrified that no one will want me, but I am slowly trying to accept myself. I keep reminding myself that my body is this way because I carried the love of my life in there for 10 months and I would do it all over again for her. She is so worth it

-1st picture: me at 40 weeks pregnant
-2nd picture: 1 month PP
-3rd picture: 5 months PP

4 Girls Later (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Four or More Pregnancies, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions 1 Comment

Hi, I have 4 girls. A 6 year old, 5 year old, 3 year old and 6 month old. I am 24. I have recently lost 50 pounds, I have been trying to tone up but now I am starting to accept maybe this is how my body is now after 4 girls. Some days I love my body, other days I despise it. Having 4 girls, i am trying to look at my body more positive, for them. In the end, we made humans and our body is just the proof of that. We are all beautiful and we have to remember that for ourselves and for our children.

3rd Time Wasn’t a Charm (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 0 Comment

Ages at births: 21, 23, 26
4 months pp
Weight gained with pregnancies: 20lb, 30lb, 27lbs
Pictures are 38 weeks preggo with #3, 4 months pp side and front view with Cesarean scar

I posted on here after my first two babies forever ago it seems, seemed appropriate to do it again. My first birth was an epidural with vaccum assist, my second was natural, so when we found out we were expecting our third baby I naturally assumed we’d have another “normal” for us birth. I have always gone into labor naturally, once on my due date, once the day after, but with our third I began have prodromal labor two weeks before. Nightly I’d experience painful contractions until around midnight. They became normal, 3 days before my due date I woke up at 5 am and knew it would be the day, we packed to head to the hospital 2 hours away, dropped our older two off and were excited to meet our little man. I was 7 centimeters when we arrived, and 2 hours later I was fully dilated and pushing…then my doctor says. ” I see a scrotumn! I’ve never done a breech birth before! ” in pain and wanting to be done, I consented to a c-section. And here is where I begin to struggle, I hated my birth, I know it got me a healthy baby and we are both OK! But I hate my body because of it, not sure if it was a 3rd pregnancy or the c-section, but my tummy is NOT to my liking. I feel like i failed my body having a csection. I know too it’s only been 4 months, but I began exercise as soon as I got my go ahead and I can’t even shake these last 10 pounds. I am breastfeeding so maybe that’s why, but I’m discouraged and frustrated and know I shouldn’t be. I’ve got 3 healthy kids, and I’m healthy, why isn’t that enough for me? Why do I feel the need to fit into the pre-pregnant me? Knowing all these things doesn’t make them easier to accept for me. So that’s where I’m at.

Breastfeeding with Cancer (Valarie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Breast Cancer, Breastfeeding, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Submissions 5 Comments

Originally posted here on Facebook.

Today my son and I overcame a huge obstacle in my breast cancer journey. Today he breastfed for the first time after chemotherapy. I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 28 weeks pregnant. My cancer was stage 2, grade 3, and triple negative (very aggressive). So, the doctors decided to start chemotherapy while I was pregnant. After 5 cycles of chemo, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. I was told I couldn’t breastfeed for weeks after chemo, so I was not allowed to feed him when he was born, and at first I was even told I wouldn’t be able to pump. The lactation consultant at the hospital wouldn’t even come in to see me. I kept asking questions and found a lactation consultant who was willing to do the research on my chemo meds, and find out how long it would take for each med to leave my milk. We later learned that I could breastfeed 10 days after a dose of chemotherapy. I also found out it was safe to pump. So, for 2 1/2 months I pumped and dumped to keep my milk supply, then when I started a chemotherapy with doses every other week instead of weekly, I got to breastfeed 4 days each cycle. Now, finally, after 4 months of pumping 6 times a day, I am able to breastfeed my son. We still face challenges. Radiation will likely dry up my milk on the effected side, but I feel victorious today. This was like taking the power over my body back. I’m the one in control of this one thing. This is something only I can do for my child, and if something happens to me, this is protection and health I can give him that will last the rest of his life.

Please share my story. I wasn’t able to find any information on breastfeeding with chemotherapy on-line. While every situation is different, I hope this will find some women who have been told they can’t breastfeed, and encourage them to keep looking for answers. Find an expert, and if you have the will, you will find a way.

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Beauty Comes From Within (Aimee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Breasts - Uneven, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 2 Comments

Age:27
2 pregnancies 1 birth
Age of child: 5month

We have all heard the phrases beauty comes from with in and beauty is in the eye of the beholder but such phrases come up short and feel shallow when we are talking about ourselves, our body image. I have struggled with certain aspects of my body like most of the women on this site, but I have been blessed with the opportunities to overcome/look past/accept the parts of me that aren’t perfect. Not to drag on here but in high school my friends were all much smaller and prettier than me, which I was well aware of and so were all the boys who would befriend me in hopes of me putting in a good word for them. But to be honest I loved that I had so many guy friends that I could go to for advice or to talk to for an honest opinion. I loved that my friends were so pretty and I admired them. Sometimes I would get down on myself that I had crooked teeth or that at 16 my thighs had dark thick stretch marks, but luckily I had these guy friends that I could talk to about it and you know they always would tell me the same thing …that it doesn’t matter that I was an awesome person and fun and if someone was so superficial as to not want to be with me because of what I saw as flaws then it was their loss and to not worry about. And you know I took this to heart and I found ways to love myself. Before I got pregnant I was working out 2 hours a day 4-5 days a week, I was in no way ripped but I loved my body and had so much energy. When we didn’t get pregnant right away I thought it might be due to the stress I was putting on my body by exercising so I decided to stop until I got pregnant with the intention that I would go back to light exercises once it happened. That never happened I slept through my first trimester, second trimester was amazing and I started doing occasional hikes and walks but nothing crazy and I had gained 10 maybe 15 pounds by this point didn’t look pregnant and had no stretch marks. Then the third trimester hit and I gained 40-45 pound!(that’s 40 pounds in 3 months my Dr was shocked) My stomach erupted in stretch marks (they didn’t hit until I was 8 months along) and my whole body felt swollen and sluggish. My heart was always beating very hard and I had a hard time catching my breath if I did too much. So I became obsessed with looking for pictures of women in a similar situation, I saved every possible exercise regime, I drooled over post pregnancy flat bellys, and I researched every possible remedy for stretch mark reduction. Then I had my beautiful boy via c section (planned) he was 9lbs 1oz and then in the first month I had dropped 30lbs. I felt great about the prospect of getting my body back. But that went out the window with the struggles of breastfeeding. It was very important to me to breastfeed and I put all of my time and energy into making sure we developed a good breastfeeding relationship. Which led to my now exclusively left side breastfed body. There are times that I’m embarrassed at the fact that one breast is at least 2 times the size of the other. I sometimes try to hide it when we are going out with our friends. But for the most part when I see it I’m proud. I’m proud that I am able to sustain a healthy happy boy only needing one breast to do the job. I’m proud because it shows my dedication as a mom and that I’m not superficial I can go out in public with my body the way it is. I have stretch marks, a slightly saggy stomach, lopsided breasts, and my hair is falling out faster than its growing back in but I’m a devoted mother, a caring wife, a fun loving friend, an understanding sister and a forgiving daughter. I do love myself and though my old clothes don’t look as good on me, when I see myself naked in the mirror I think I’m beautiful. We go through many stages in life and some are better than others but we will continue to change throughout our lives and our mindset is what’s going to affect whether those future changes are positive or not.

I know my body will continue to change and that there are others out there who have gone through more dramatic changes than I have but I challenge you to be proactive and to find at least one thing you love about yourself and one thing you love about your body (I have great shoulders that I think are very sensual). Look at your new body as a reflection of the past you’ve lived and embrace the changes as they continue to appear. I’m posting my pre, pregnant, and post body because I researched like crazy when I was pregnant trying to find people with a similar body type. I don’t do any special diet and as for exercise I walk about a mile at least once a week (this only started happening a couple weeks ago).

“I find myself beautiful now” (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Abortion/Life after Abortion, Four or More Pregnancies, No Photos (Story Only), Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions 1 Comment

Number of pregnancies/births: 4/3
Age: 23
How far postpartum: Kids are 5,3,2

I’ve posted to this site 2 or 3 times now, and I am choosing to do so again because once again I have a new perspective. I felt for a long time, until recently actually that my self worth was based on my body. Not just the way I look naked, but also with clothes on. I felt that if clothes didn’t fit properly or if I had to go up a size then my life experiences were not as fun. They weren’t as fun because I was distracted with myself. I used to look at pictures during my last pregnancy and say “oh god, I was so big”. I look back now and look at how big I was smiling or how my other 2 girls kissed my belly. I felt that stretch marks and extra weight was something to be ashamed of, something to hide from the person who has seen my body in the most intimate ways. I’ve said in the past that my husband had viewed porn a lot and yes it did bother me, partly because I felt betrayed but mostly because I was jealous of the way he was attracted to those women. I have a new outlook on that, among other reasons he was viewing porn so often because I wasn’t showing him what he needed/wanted to see. My husband has told me many times that I am beautiful, pretty, sexy and whatever else you could say to give a compliment. I didn’t believe that until I was able to see the beauty myself. Somewhere along the lines I realized that stretch marks are not ugly, extra weight can be lost or not because I like my new curves. I do not look like a model by any means but I am happier than I ever have been and more comfortable with my body than I ever have been. I wanted a tattoo on my stomach to cover stretch marks but I didn’t go through with it because I wanted to look at them a little longer, I panicked when I knew they would no longer be visible. My body is forever changed in that way and that is because I chose to have children. I want to be able to look down when I’m in my 50’s and remember my days being pregnant and my daughters’ births into this world. I have stretch marks like crazy on my breasts and that really used to bother me but now I just look at them as memories. I breastfed each daughter for 1 year and those marks remind me of the long nights cuddled up with the girls next to me or that I was the only one that had that bond with them. When I was 16 I got pregnant and was forced into an abortion and I was left with one tiny stretchmark on the left breast in the middle of my cleavage and I would be so sad if I couldn’t see that mark anymore. I am grateful to my body for producing such beautiful children and supporting me all along the way of the many changes. I find myself beautiful now because I am used to the new me and I have adjusted and I wouldn’t think less of anyone else for looking the way I do. Love yourself first and foremost and everything else will fall into place.