Plus-Sized Mom

My First Birth (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Cesarean, PCOS, Plus-Sized Mom, Submissions 0 Comment

~Your Age: 25 now (23 when my son was born)
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 years

This is long so please bare with me

August 2016 I was told I had a higher chance of not being able to have kids because I had PCOS. My husband and I were sad when we found out…. We started having sex thinking nothing of it cuz hey I couldn’t get pregnant… well we were wrong. November 2016 we found out I was 8 weeks pregnant.

During pregnancy everything was fine. My son was growing perfectly. I had the usual morning sickness 1st trimester, burst of energy 2nd trimester, and super uncomfortable 3rd trimester. I gained a lot of weight… pre-pregnancy I was 150lbs…. I am 2 years post partum and I now weigh 200 after losing 30lbs the last few months.

My husband and i were planning a homebirth (his mom had 13 kids and all were homebirths). I’ll be honest I wasn’t very fond of the idea because I didn’t know people still did homebirths. But I did A LOT of researching and I came to the conclusion it would be good, less stressful, easier cuz you’re doing it in the comfort of your home. A lot of friends and family on My side told me there is no way I could do a home birth. But I wanted to give it a try.

My husband and I went grocery shopping on my due date and that night I started labor-i didn’t realize it was true labor so I just went to bed. Around 5 the next morning I woke up with horrible contractions. My husband decided to stay home from work… 12 hours later I only progressed to 4cm. I was throwing up cuz of the pain. I was already tired but I was determined to have a home birth and prove the people who told me I couldn’t that I could (cuz I am very hard headed). Another 12 hours passed and I got to 7cm. I was to the point I kept feeling like pushing but I couldn’t. I was beyond exhausted. My husband kept telling me something wasn’t right (as he is the 2nd oldest out of the 13 kids)… But I kept telling him I wanted to continue. I didn’t want to go to the hospital. Well another 15 hours passed (now I’ve been in labor for 39 hours) I was still at 7cm. I wasn’t progressing. I was in a tremendous amount of pain. I was exhausted (as I hadn’t slept for the past 39 hours). I was dehydrated as I couldn’t keep anything down (I kept throwing up). I couldn’t walk. But I was still determined. I continued to labor at home for another 10 hours and by then I still hadn’t progressed I was even more tired and exhausted. And that’s when my husband said we are taking you to the hospital whether you want to or not. We drove 40 mins to the nearest hospital (my midwife had called ahead and they had a room all ready for me). We got there about 5pm (2 days after I had started labor). They decided to give me an epidural. But because my spine wasn’t aligned they had to poke me 3 times to get it in correctly. All the while I’m having contractions.

Once they got the epidural in it made the back pain even WORSE! The doctors decided to break my water (as it still hadn’t broke) and they found my son had pooped in the amniotic fluid. As soon as they saw that they pulled my husband aside and told him I was going to need a c section (during pregnancy I told my husband I did not want a c section. I wanted to do it naturally). My husband said he told the doctor that was the one thing I didn’t want and the doctor told him if they didn’t do it I might die and our baby most certainly will die. She told my husband our sons heartbeat was dropping because he has been in the birth canal way too long and he was getting stressed. They told my husband I had been in labor so long they didn’t know how much longer I would make it. So my husband came back and told me what they said and we decided to do a c section (and I only decided to do it because I wasn’t going to lose my son because I wanted to do it my way).

They got me down to the surgery room and my hsuabnd said they started asking the normal questions before a surgery ie my name, age all that. Then they asked “what are we performing on you?” And my husband said I screamed “YOU’RE GETTING THIS BABY OUT OF ME!!!!” and everyone started laughing.

After they got the spinal in me and numbed me from the chest down I remember laying down and just letting out a humongous sigh of relief because there was no more pain. When my husband was finally allowed in the surgery room he came around the curtain and looked at me and said “you’re smiling. It feels like I haven’t seen your smile in so long.” ??

And after a total of 54 hours my son Gabriel was born at 11:04pm on July 14 2017. He weighed 8lbs7oz, was 21in long and he was PERFECT. He came out holding his head up. Wasn’t even crying just looking around at everyone. The first thing I said after he was born was “is he really a boy?” And my husband said “yes babe he is definitely a boy.”

My son is 2 years old now and is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am still overweight but I am working to lose it. I have my c section scar and when I see it it reminds me of what a supermom I was. It reminds me of the pain I went through. The tears I cried. How scared I was. And then how happy, joyful and peaceful I was when I held my son finally. I have horrible stretchmarks on my stomach, thighs, butt, hips and boobs. But those are the marks of a woman who loves her child so much that was was willing to let her body change in order to bring her child into this world. My stretchmarks and c section scar are not ugly to me. They are beautiful and a huge reminder of all the stuff I went through to bring my perfectly wonderful son to this world.

~Your Age: 25 now (23 when my son was born)
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 years
~Any key words (second pregnancy, plus sized mom, cesarean, etc): plus size, cesarean

Ashamed of my body, love the outcome! (Tiffany)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom 15 Comments

Although I’ve always been a little on the thick side, I never imagined myself being the size I am now and being so ashamed of myself! My partner is very supportive and says she loves my body either way, I’m just very unhappy in it! I gained 60+ pounds while pregnant and now my stomach hangs! I just feel so disgusting! How can I lose this baby weight?

19/1 child/ 3 months old/ 3 months postpartum/natural birth
First one is pre pregnancy, last two is 3 months postpartum. Final picture is my beautiful babyboy

Not Quite What I Expected! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Complications in Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Teen Mom 3 Comments

Age: 21
Number of births and pregnancies: 2
Age of my children: 3 yrs and 18 months.

At the age of four I was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis or JRA for short. At the age of twelve both my parents and I were told that I would never have children. They said that my body could not handle the extra weight and extra pressure of carrying a baby to full term. At that age you don’t really worry to much about having kids. Your still a kid yourself. But as I got older it really bothered me.

When I was 17 I went to a party with some friends and ended up drinking a little. Little did I know that, that night would change my life forever. I don’t remember much after a little bit and had later come to the conclusion that I had something slipped in my drink. The next memory I have is being taken to my father by a police officer. Of course being 17 and going out without my dad telling me I could, I was in BIG trouble. But it hadn’t quite hit me yet what had happened that night. I didn’t really talk to many people over the next couple of months.

Four months after the fact I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I was still in High school. I had no idea what I was going to do. Needless to say I had my first baby at 17. I had a normal pregnancy and a great delivery with no complications at all. I went into the hospital at 7 pm and had him a little past midnight that night.

But with my second child, everything was completely different. In the beginning I assumed I was pregnant but was quite for sure yet. A few days after realizing that there was a possibility I was pregnant, I ended up in the ER. I was having severe cramps in my lower abdomen but knew I wasn’t on my period. My boyfriend and I sat in the ER for 7 hours for them to confirm what we already knew. We scheduled an appointment with the Pregnancy Care Center for a few days later. After they confirmed I was pregnant once again, they scheduled an ultrasound to measure just how far along I was for the following week. My assumptions were right. I was about 4 weeks and a few days pregnant. I was excited, I was having another baby after being told I would never have children.

The following weeks passed with doctor appointments and more ultrasounds. I had started my new job. Unfortunately my job was about an hour drive from where I lived. The drive didn’t bother me unless morning sickness decided to kick in while I was on the road. With my first child I was barely sick at all. At about 9 weeks into my pregnancy I started cramping. I though at first it was just the normal cramping when your uterus is expanding. I was getting ready to leave for work and the cramps were still there. They didn’t hurt that bad and they didn’t bother me to much, so I thought nothing of them. I got to work and got to my desk and was putting my stuff up when an unimaginable amount of pain shot through my entire lower abdomen. I immediately told my supervisor that I needed to leave that something was wrong.

I called my boyfriend and told him I was on my way home and that he needed to take me to the ER. I could tell he was worried. The entire drive home was terrible. I was cramping the entire time and to top it off I was stuck in traffic. This day couldn’t possibly get worse. Little did I know it would. I got home and one of our friends was going with us while her boyfriend watched the kids. We rushed to the hospital as fast we could. We got into the ER and got signed in. They got me triage and with in a few minutes they got back into a room. The nurses immediately get me hooked up to all the necessary machines. I had tubes and cords everywhere. With in a few minutes the doctor came in and asked what was going on. I told him that I was having severe cramps. Of course being early in the pregnancy he told me that they could be from my uterus stretching. But said that they would check everything just to be sure.

The doctor checked my cervix and told me it was still closed. So he ordered an emergency ultrasound. About 30 minutes passed and the nurse came and got me for the ultrasound. I was nervous and upset about the fact that my boyfriend could not go back with me. They got me back to the room and got me up on the chair. The nurse began the ultrasound and of course I am worried out of my mind about my baby. The nurse had the screen turned to where I could what was there. Half way through the ultrasound the nurse moved the screen to where I couldn’t see anything. Finally she was done and they wheeled me back to my room.

It took about 20 minutes and the doctor was in to tell us the news. He looked at both me and my boyfriend and took a deep breathe. Just by looking at the doctors face I could tell everything was not okay. Finally he looked at me and said “I’m sorry but you have a partial placental abruption.” All I could think was what did he just say, what does that mean? My boyfriend squeezed my hand and asked the doctor what he meant. He told us that the placenta that kept my innocent baby alive was pulling away from my uterus. That was what was causing my pain. He told we had about a 50 50 chance of keeping the baby and that there was nothing they could do except put me on bed rest.

All I could do was cry. Was this what my doctors at age twelve was talking about? Was this what they knew would happen? I had so many questions and no answers. So I sat there and cried while the nurses got all the machines off of me and put everything away. The nurses never looked my way never even offered an I’m sorry. My boyfriend just held me and told me everything would be fine. But what if it wasn’t?

The nurses gave us my discharge papers and sent us on our way. We got home and I went straight to bed. I slept the rest of the day and night. I didn’t want to move in fear that I would lose my baby. The next few days went by and I returned to work. Still worried that I was going to lose my baby, I tried to be strong. I had a doctors appointment with in a few days. And he would tell me how I was doing.

We went to the doctor and he said everything was healing nicely. He said that the immediate risk was over and I could stop worrying about losing my baby. He said that he would keep a close eye on me and that I should rest much as I could. So i did as he said and rested with my feet as much as I could. So much as that my work let me have an extra chair to prop my feet on while I was working.

Everything went back to normal except the fact that my morning sickness was all day long now. I couldn’t eat anything with out getting sick. It didn’t matter what it was. So I went through the rest of my pregnancy normally. The weeks passed and we found out we were having another little boy. We were so happy.

More weeks passed and the time for him to make his arrival was getting closer. We started going to more doctor appointments and started getting more anxious. Finally it came time to make a decision on when my doctor would induce me. We went to an appointment and my doctor told us that today’s appointment would decide if he was born the next day and the next week. So he did an ultrasound and was checking the water levels around my son. He got done with the ultrasound and left the room for a minute. He came back in and said ” You need to go to the hospital. The water levels around the baby are low and he needs to be monitored for about 45 minutes to an hour.”

OMG! Please not again. All I could think was, God please don’t do this to me again. We are so close to having him please don’t take him now. We have come this far. So we went home and got our bags and headed for the hospital. When we got there they admitted me and got me to my room. They got me hooked to all the machines and got my baby’s heart beat on the monitor. A little over and hour and the nurse came in and told us I wouldn’t be going home tonight.

The nurses said that they didn’t feel comfortable letting me go home with my sons heart beat dropping like it was. So we got settled in for a long night. Not only were they keeping in the hospital over night but the next morning the were inducing my labor. So we tired to get as much sleep as we could. 6 o’clock came fast and they were hooking pitocin up to my IV line. I went back to sleep and woke up a few hours later. The nurses came in to check me and said that the pitocin was doing what it should but they wanted to increase the dosage. Everything to be going normal.

At about 11 o’clock my doctor came in to break my water and check me. He said that I was dilating normally and that everything to be fine. What I didn’t know was that everything was not fine. At about 1 o’clock my boyfriend and one of my friends that was going to be in the room with me came in. My friend had tears rolling down her face and was bawling her eyes out. While I was up stairs getting ready to have a baby my best friends (my sons godfather) grandfather had passed away. I was so upset and didn’t know what to say to him. But I knew that I couldn’t over work my self because I could put my baby in distress.

About that time I got my epidural and went back to sleep for a while. The next thing I remember is waking up to this sharp pain in between my legs. I ignored it for a while, thinking that it was just the pressure of him moving down. About two hours later the pain was still there only worse. I finally told my friend that a nurse needed to come in here and check me. She went and got a nurse and the nurse said I was only at a 4. She had the anesthesiologist come in and check everything. Everything was fine but they ended up giving me the medicine they use for a spinal tap. So I dealt with the pain for a little bit. Finally I had had enough. They gave me an epidural as well as medicine for a spinal tap and it was supposed to numb all the pain, not cause it. So I called the nurse and she had the anesthesiologist come in and check out my epidural line once again. She checked my line and said that everything was fine. I told her everything was not fine. But being that i was in pain she did an ice test on me. She ran an ice cube across my stomach and down both legs and asked me each time if I could feel the ice. And each time I told her I couldn’t feel anything. So she finally put the ice right in between my legs and asked me if I could feel the ice. “Yes that is cold!” I said to her. She simply told me that I had what they called a hot spot and they couldn’t do anything to help it.

So basically their stuff was not working properly and I had to deal with it. WOW! So I dealt with the pain. After about an hour I called the nurse again and told I was feeling a lot of pressure. She checked me and said that I was only at a 5. She left the room and about 30 minutes later I was calling her back in. She checked me once again and this time I was at a 7. I was so close and by this time the pain was so bad that I was screaming. I had never felt so much pain in my life. It honestly felt worse then the actual contractions. About 3 minutes later I was calling the nurse to come and check me.

The nurse refused to come and check me and told my friend that she was not going to check me every time I felt a little bit pf pressure. Needless to say My friend ended up getting the nurse to check me one last time. This time to her surprise I was at a full 10 cm dilated. She told me she was going to call my doctor. She had been gone about 3 minutes and I was yelling over the intercom that my baby was coming out right now. I knew I needed to push and wanted to so badly. But the nurses had other plans. Instead of me pushing they had me wait until my doctor arrived to deliver my son. Well my son as well had other plans and was trying to be born right then and there. So instead of the nurses delivering my son they put their hand over his head and held his head inside of me until my doctor arrived, which was about 5 minutes later. Finally my doctor showed up and was getting his gear on. He looked around and couldn’t believe that the nurses hadn’t deliver him yet. Finally my doctor sat down in front of me ready to deliver. I looked at my doctor and asked “CAN I PUSH NOW?!”. He laughed at me and told me yes. It took me one and a half pushes to get my son out.

With as many problems as I had during his pregnancy, my son came out to be perfectly healthy. I can honestly say, he pregnancy and birth was not at all what I expected. I guess it’s true when they say every pregnancy and birth is different.

I Want My Body Back (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Toxemia 21 Comments

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1/1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5.5 month old ds/5.5 months pp

As long as I can remember, I have struggled with body image issues. All throughout my school years, I was always the big/fat/chunky/chubby/amazon woman or what have you. I was 5’9″ and 210 at my heaviest. I have also struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my life. When I was 19, I went on a one month food cleanse/detox per my naturopath and 5 months later, I was down 70 pounds. I was now 5’10” and 140-145 and felt and looked amazing, however at the time I still felt self conscious. I look back at pictures of what I used to look like and I just want to kick myself for wasting all that time hating a gorgeous person… Fast forward to November 10, 2011, I was 21 years old and via 3 week early induction and then emergency c-section due to pre eclampsia (at one point I gained over 20 pounds in one week from fluid), my son was born. He is my WORLD and has changed my mind and heart for the better… however, he also changed my body, completely and drastically. Due to stress, pre eclampsia and laziness, I gained over 100 pounds throughout my pregnancy. I stopped looking at the scale at the doctor’s office but I am now almost 6 months pp and 220 pounds, 80 pounds overweight. I don’t even feel like myself anymore, I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without feeling immense pain and grief. I don’t want to wear maternity jeans and sweatpants and huge tshirts all the time, I feel like a big bum and it doesn’t help my depression. I went from a size 3/5 jeans to not even being able to wear a 14; size small/medium shirts to large/xlarge. I have shopped in the plus sizes for the first time in my life. I am exclusively breastfeeding and not losing any weight! I’m even eating healthy, gluten/wheat/dairy free for my son. I just want to love myself for what I look like now. I don’t want to be worried that I’ll never find a man to love me. I want to feel comfortable in clothes and be a great positive example for my son. I just don’t want to be in pain when I think about my body. I haven’t even seen any other mom with stretch marks like mine, or who had the weight gain I had. I wouldn’t want to take anything back though, my baby boy is my entire world, I can’t imagine ever living without him and he completes me. Even though I feel ugly on the outside, I am a changed person on the inside. I love my mind now, and that has to count for something.

1. me at my lowest/healthiest weight
2. 17 weeks pregnant
3. 37 weeks pregnant
4. my beautiful son (5 months old)
5. 5.5 months pp front view
6. 5.5 months side view
7. me now at 220 pounds.

18, Overweight, and Pregnant (Trish)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 6 Comments

I have always been over weight for as long as i can remember, at 18 i met my fiance and he was 33! he was so fun and it was risky and fun to be with an older guy and i knew my family would hate it. but 4months in i found out i was pregnant, i freaked out how could i be? i was on the pill! but i was. he was so understanding and actually excited! well my family dis-owned me and his dis-owned him, we carried on our relationship, i moved in with him & in Nov. along came our son! he was amazing and 6months later i am finally ok with my body because my son loves me no matter what and so does my fiance and thats all that matters so i started to love myself to, i am working on losing some weight, to be healthy not to look any better! :)

the photo in the tshirt i am 38 weeks pregnant. the others are 6months PP.

It’s OK to Feel Beautiful (Jennifer)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 17 Comments

age 23
4 pregnancies/ 3 births

I am a 23 year old mother of 3 children ages, 6,4 and 2. I gave birth to my oldest at the young age of 17…Even then I was overweight… Not nearly as big as I am now, but chunky none the less… I had given birth vaginally 3 times in 4.5 years… I barely had any time between pregnancies to get my body in shape… I used to hate myself and I was ashamed of how I looked. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and just crying looking at myself. I was embarrassed when I would go to the OB and have to pull up my shirt to show tons and tons of stretchmarks covering my belly and sides. Not to mention having to have anatomy scans done in the hospital rather than in office because the machines weren’t strong enough to get a clear shot through all of my extra belly fat. I can remember the embarrassment during labor and having to be naked in front of practically everyone in the room. I remember thinking ” I wish I were thinner, I KNOW I wouldn’t be so embarrassed” or thinking that everyone is in disgust with my body…

Right before I gave birth to my youngest, my husband cheated on me for the 4th time.. I had allowed this behavior over and over again because I didn’t feel deserving of love and true happiness because I didn’t love myself. And each time my husband got with another woman, it pushed me further and further away from myself and bringing more disgust and hate and blaming my looks for him straying…

It’s been 2 years since I have given birth and I am 80lbs down from the 378lbs that I was when I delivered. I separated from my husband and I have met the man of my dreams, the one who I always though I deserved. Someone who truly loves everything about me( even my weird toes :P)He showed me that I am allowed to love myself and that there is someone who finds everything I find imperfect about myself, perfect. He makes me feel like a princess and I love him so much…

I feel fabulous. I love who I am, I love every little stretch mark, I love my voluptuous shape, I don’t even mind my cellulite.. All these years I had been telling myself I am not allowed to love who I am and think I am beautiful because of my weight.. But now I know I was wrong. I was beautiful then and I’m beautiful now.. Size does not equate worth, or love, or beauty..

Saggy boobs, mommy pooch, wide hips even my stretchmarks.. They’re beautiful.

Learning to be Proud of My Body (Rach)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 6 Comments

age 21
1 pregnancy\1 birth

I am now 21, i have always been over weight i am 5’2 and i am 240, i have always found it hard to love myself but i wear my weight well. (most ppl dont know how much i really weight) when i was 19 i fell in love with a bad person but i fought for our love and was told i could never have children because i was over weight and had ovarian cysts , better luck i guess when we are ready it will happen. soon to my amazement i found out i was 6 weeks pregnant on my 20th birthday, after trying for so long my prayers were answered and i was so happy i cried, my family wanted me to get an abortion because of the father, but i refused. i had a really bad pregnancy, i was always sick and i had really bad circulation, my body swelled so much and my best friend took care of me most of the time (he is a guy), my fiance wasnt ever around, he was with other women. i was in the hospital from 32 weeks til i delivered at 40 weeks to a beautiful 9lb 5oz 22inch baby boy, and my whole world changed, even after the c section i was walking around and i healed very fast taking care of a newborn on my own, When i gave birth i weighed 270, and had no strech marks, i know love the fact that i have the love marks my son left behind, i look at myself and thank my baby boy everyday, i have come to learn that if i hadn’t had corvin, and this amazing gift in my life, something that shouldn’t of happend then i wouldn’t be the mother i am today, i am currently engaged to that best friend, and my son is the happiest, smartest, strongest thing that ever happen to me, and for that i love my body, this body created, nurtured, and loved that beautiful boy into this world, and my fiance to this day will rub my belly and i will not be offended because he loves my son and he says everytime ” i love your belly and i love my baby” i hope you all get inspiration and learn to love yourself, beautiful , skinny or a little fluffy, you have the most amazing motherly body in the world!

If only I loved myself as much as I love my life… (Miss Meliss)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Mom over 30, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 18 Comments

I really do have a wonderful life. I have a beautiful son, a loving husband, a supportive mother, a best friend of almost 30 years. I am a student-nurse. I live in a nice, modern home. I drive a decent car. I have a dog, 2 cats and some fish. I laugh often, I love constantly. I do not want for anything…except my old body back. I am not a fan of what has become of Melissa. Matter of fact, I am completely devastated by how my body has changed. I am not ashamed of who I am, I am just tortured by the way I look. Writing this essay makes me queasy. The thought of attaching a photo? Downright nauseating. I cant look at myself in the mirror…and when I cast that fleeting glance, I think, “That is not me.”

Most of my life I considered myself fat. Key phrase being “I considered myself fat”. No one else ever thought I was. Matter of fact, most considered me rather shapely and thin. I am 5’8 and now 205lbs. And I detest what I look like. I have had BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) since my very early teens. I decided to journal to this site because I know I am not alone, that I am a garden variety postpartum mom, and I want to ease the hearts of other women as they have done for me. And while I am sickened by my physique, I am enamored by my life. I just wish I could figure out how to meld the two and accept myself for who I am and not by my size or how much I weigh. It has affected many aspects of my life. My self-esteem, my sexual attitudes, my style, my grooming…I just don’t feel like “me” and I really, really want to. I just seem to be preoccupied with my weight. I compare myself to every woman, and it just makes me feel worse. I don’t care to dress nicely or fix my make-up or hair. I don’t even care if I match. I want to draw the least bit of attention to myself. But then I look at my son…and none of that matters. And when my son is with me, attention is what we catch…and lots of it. I can make him laugh and smile, he had bonded to me like glue. He looks into my eyes and I know I am beautiful, because he sees the truth. He sees me with no judgement, none of the much influenced, unattainable norms. He sees Mommy…and he loves what he sees.
I gain 76 pounds with my angel. I weighed in at 238lbs on the day I had my C-section. Throughout my entire pregnancy, I dropped all of the years of dieting. I just let it go. I wanted to be able to eat copious amounts of whatever I wanted…and I did. And the doc never complained. Since I had started at a much meeker weight, no one really seemed to notice the scale (but they did remark on how rotund I was becoming with each passing month!) My little man entered the world kicking and screaming at a healthy 9lbs 9oz and 22inches long! He was a big’un. I was so swollen and distended antepartum that by the end of the second week I had lost 25lbs. And what was leftover was not nearly as “cute” as when he was still riding shotgun. I never got any postpartum complications. I didn’t even have any antepartum issues either. I had a wonderful, easy pregnancy. For the first time in my life I was able to live a life free of anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication. It felt good to be anticipating the arrival of my son. It felt marvelous to have my son. Every moment that I have spent with him has been the best moments of my life. While I long for the body of yesterday (er, yesteryear…) I wouldn’t trade in this body for the world. Without my fat, flabby, uncomfortable-in-my-own-skin body…I wouldn’t have the single most amazing treasure on earth. I love being a mommy. I love waking up to seeing his smiling, happy, exuberant little face. I love hearing the raspy, melodic and curious jibber-jabber. I adore that laugh. Oh my oh my, that laugh. And those two little teeth he has? Pure joy. I love how total strangers compliment his handsomeness. I love how people walk over
to me and tell me how wonderful of a mother I am…or they say my favorite, “That boy sure loves his mommy!” I have followers on my facebook, people who have never met us, that look forward to seeing my happy, sweet boy. I love when my mother hugs me and says to me: “You are beautiful, and you are the best mother I have ever seen…” And I know she means this. And I know she wishes I could just see the beauty in me. While I can take all the compliments and praise…I just don’t feel pretty anymore. I often say that if I could lose the weight “I’d have a perfect life”. Something I never thought I would ever have. My son has completed me, I just need that itsy bitsy complement. But, I will wait for it…I’m trying not to rush it. After seeing all you ladies post pictures and stories, I feel a bit better. I feel like a little breath can be taken, and a little pat on the back to congratulate me on my acceptance into the “Mommy Club”. Where great women come in all sizes. Where strong women have the right to complain. Where valiant women are awarded with the utmost love and admiration. If only I could just get back to me.

Age: 33
1 pregnancy 1 birth
10 months PP

Pictures 1,2 and 3 are me, 10m PP.
Pictures 4 and 5 are me pregnant
Picture 6 is me and my boy

Two Blessings, My Sister and My Problem (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Four or More Pregnancies, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Submissions 4 Comments

I am 37 and have had 6 pregnancies and 2 live births. My first born is 3 year and 3 months and my second is 13 months old. I became a plus size after my first pregnancy and I still am. I don’t like my body and from time to time I wish I could come off my skin. I had a new year resolution to loose the weight and exercise. I felt unattractive and have been having problems with my husband for that, I don’t want to be intimate with him because I feel so ugly and that the belly and extra fat gets in the way. He tells me he loves me just as I am… so it is me the problem, I cannot look at my self in the mirror and think how bad I look…

I had both babies by c-section. With the first one I had postpartum depression, I cried for everything and anything and to make everything worse I was afraid of my baby. With the second one I had no time to think of depression. My oldest expected me to be there and so did the new born, I have no family or friends to help, so I pulled my act together just for them. I have nursed both of them and with my last I still am, baby is not showing interest on getting of the breast milk, refuses water, juice, milk.

14 days into the new year my sister tells me that she is going to have a tummy tuck and a liposuction done… I felt scared for hear and tried to talk to her out of it but no such luck on January 18th I called to talk to her and come to find out that she was in the OR having the procedure done, I had so many things going through my head… now I will be the ugly one of the bunch, I am going to be the fat and deformed one, to a point I felt envy, one because she was able to pay for a procedure like that and two because she was escaping the gang of us chubby ones. That same day I tried talking with her on the phone but she was not up to it, so I waited for the next day and that night I kept thinking those same thoughts of envy and self pity. The next day I woke up and went to the chiropractor like I always do on Wednesdays and felt the need to talk to my sister. At noon I received the most horrible news of all my sister, the better part of me had died of a pulmonary embolism.

Now 3 months latter I am still 185 pounds on a 5’2” tall body and feeling guilty for the thoughts of envy, for my lack of commitment to my new year resolutions, without my best friend and confident and with a husband that does not understand why I cannot love my body and my self.