News

A Mother’s Day Post

Bonnie (SOAM) My Own Ramblings, News 10 Comments

I had hoped to write a deeply meaningful post to share with you today. I was going to talk about growing older and gaining wisdom and the power that comes with age and with motherhood. I was going to say how our bodies are a reflection of all the internal changes that happen when we become mothers, and how that is a beautiful thing. But the fact is that I am not in any place to write anything clear tonight. Instead I will share some photos we took today. A few weeks ago I had to lift my eight-year-old to see something on a high shelf; I didn’t expect to be able to hold her long but my hips surprised me and I was able to have a sweet moment with my girlie a little longer than I thought. This mama body I have here is stronger than I realized. And so is yours. So take a moment today to love it, to discover how the beauty and wisdom of motherhood are reflected in your belly or breasts or hips or your heart. Happy Mother’s Day to each of you.

FYI – Comment Approvals and Tummy Tucks

Bonnie (SOAM) News 31 Comments

I will no longer be approving comments that suggest the poster should consider a tummy tuck unless the poster has specifically requested to discuss the subject. PLEASE note that I am not judging any woman who may choose to get one – I have not walked in her shoes, and I like to believe that women are not judging the choices I may make, so I make a point never to make judgments about people who are not me. I will also not limit discussion on the topic and, as always, I will post any submissions I receive (unless they are simply inappropriate – but that’s happened maybe 3 times in the 3 1/2 years I’ve been doing this). I just ask that, when we are trying to lift up our sisters here, we do so without mentions of major cosmetic surgery. Let’s focus on the beauty that already exists within each of our shapes – this is, after all, the only way we can truly change the world.

Flawz

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, Body Image, News, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement 15 Comments

I posted this over at Facebook the other night, but haven’t had the time to share it here yet. It is fabulous. I have long noticed that it is those interesting bits – what a person might refer to as his or her flaws – which I find the most beauty in. A large nose, a crooked smile, too-small breasts… I grieve for Ashlee Simpson’s old nose – I found it beautiful and now I can’t pick her out of a lineup of Hollywood Look-Alikes.

Nobody should look like a paper doll copy of every other so-called beautiful woman. Like those planned communities which mirror every other planned community in the US, women are also expected to have only one definition of beautiful. I prefer older neighborhoods, ones with character and uniqueness, regardless of what that looks like on an individual level. Straight nose, or crooked nose – they are all beautiful, and their diversity makes them MORE beautiful, not less so. A mother’s smooth belly, or a wrinkly one – they have all carried life and they are beautiful, symbolically and physically. The only ugly thing here is that we are made to feel like we aren’t good enough if we don’t fit a particular mold.

I’m embracing my flaws – my freckles (which I have always loved), my dimples (which I never have), my quarterback shoulders (which I’ve only recently become aware of), my weird square chin and those funny lines it has when I smile – I love these things because they are ME. Without them, I would not recognize myself. My flaws make me beautiful in my own way. What are your flaws?

Discussion: Men within SOAM

Bonnie (SOAM) News, Question 51 Comments

There have been a few recent comments here about how we, as women, feel about men commenting here. Above all else, I deeply want this to be a safe place for women – but it is, of course, the internet.

I have chosen to keep this forum open and public for a few reasons, but no matter what options I think about, it all boils down to this: we are on the world wide web. Even if I required membership and only allowed women in, it would not stop men from entering (and likely would keep all the good men out).

In my personal and humble opinion, we all benefit from men coming here and commenting here. Men benefit by seeing reality just as much as women do, and women benefit by hearing that men love reality just as we are so afraid they don’t.

That all said, I do my very, very best to keep the comments here appropriate and maintain the safe feeling. Men do, from time to time, comment, and for the most part they are supportive. On the rare occasion someone is not appropriate, I delete the comment before it’s ever posted.

Now that I’m shared this here, I would like to hear your thoughts on the matter – how does it make you feel when men comment here? Does it, or would it change anything about how you contribute to this site?

Helping out Mamas in Need

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, News 1 Comment

It is humbling to me to step outside of my own brain for a little while and see women who suffer in much more basic and devastating ways than I do. Mothers in Haiti right now are likely not very concerned about what their bellies look like or if they should save for a tummy tuck or not – they are trying to find places to live, clean water to drink, medical care for themselves or their families.

I believe we need to allow ourselves to be frustrated with the way our bodies look – to accept our feelings helps us work through them. But we should always be aware of the bigger picture – only the fact that we are well fed and clothed and have safe housing means we can look toward more superficial worries. We should take note of our blessings. And we should reach out and try to bless others.

Nature takes no notice when events like this occur – she sends mamas into labor with or without a trained birth partner nearby, she brings babies into this world without regard to clean drinking water for formula, or support for breastfeeding. I spent some time searching for and asking around about a charity we can give to to help out mothers like us dealing with the aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti and I came across Midwives for Haiti, which could not be a more perfect match. You can read more about them here and donate here.

According to their website:
$25 pays for the medications and equipment needed to perform a safe delivery in rural Haiti.
$50 pays for the prenatal care of two Haitian women or provides emergency transportation in a medical crisis.
$75 pays for the books and scrubs for one new midwifery student.
$100 pays for the scissors, clamps and needleholder for one midwife’s delivery kit.
$120 pays for a translator for one week.

Take a moment and donate anything you can, then share here that you did. I hope we can make a difference together in this terrible time.

SOAM on Facebook – moving

Bonnie (SOAM) News 1 Comment

I don’t know if Fan Pages have always been around and I was just too facebook-stupid to find them before, or if I created the group before Fan Pages were around, but in any case, they serve my purposes much better. So I am finally moving from the group to a fan page. I will be closing the group in a few weeks once people have migrated over.

You can find the new fan page here!