First Pregnancy

Not sure if I’ll ever be satisfied with my body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 21 Comments

Age: 22
1 pregnancy/1 birth
almost 4 months postpartum

I had always been thin and I took pride in being in shape and attractive. My weight was fluctuating in 2009- from 112 lbs in January to about 130 lbs in July (the heaviest I had ever been). I saw the “+” on a pregnancy test 2 days after my 21st birthday.

My self-esteem was never that great and the pregnancy didn’t help. I looked in the mirror and was embarrassed by what I saw: the new larger breasts, the belly button that popped out, the belly piercing that was stretching as days went on. Looking back, I’m saddened that I didn’t feel as beautiful as I was. I was glowing and I only gained 22 lbs total. I didn’t have one stretch mark.

I gave birth to my son in April of this year. My breasts grew outrageously when my milk came in and while I tried my best to breastfeed, I couldn’t do it for several reasons. Pre-pregnancy, I wore a size 34B bra which turned into a 36C while breastfeeding. After my milk dried up, my breasts were left deflated. I can now fit into my old 34B bras, though the band is a little snug, but my boobs slope down when they used to be “perky” and round. I can’t stand to look at them at all and I hide them from my boyfriend at all costs.

I currently weigh 135 lbs and wear a size 6 (I was a 2 or 4 pre-pregnancy), but my entire body is so different. I feel so detached from it sometimes, like this isn’t really my body. Somewhere inside of me I was expecting to lose the weight and look the same as I did pre-pregnancy, but now I’m seeing that that’s not possible.

Right after I had our son, I asked my boyfriend if he was still attracted to me even though my body was different. I told him I was scared that he was going to leave me for a girl who was in better shape than me. He responded with “I’m in love with a beautiful woman, why would I want to leave her for some girl?”. It was one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. My boyfriend tells me I’m beautiful every day and I am so lucky to have found a man who appreciates my body and loves me the way I am. It’s hard for me to accept his compliments and kind words because I don’t see anything attractive about my body anymore. My desire for sex has dwindled even though his has remained the same.

I wish I could look at myself in the mirror and see beauty and strength. I wish I could be in awe. Instead, I am jealous of the other girls my age who have flat, tanned stomachs and are wearing string bikinis at the beach. I hope someday I can accept and appreciate this body for all of the miraculous things it did to give life to my son.

Finding the strength to keep moving forward (Brittany)

Bonnie (SOAM) Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Submissions 7 Comments

Brittany, 23
1 pregancy, 1 birth
12 weeks postpartum

I have always been a plus sized girl and struggled with my weight. Finally i felt like I had my weight problem under control for the first time in my life i lost 70 lbs and felt great about my life and the direction it was going. I started going out more showing off my new body and loving the new attention I was getting as a single female. That is when I met Him, the man that turned my life upside down. When we started talking he had approached me at a bar, his smile was captivating and from the moment he approached me we were inseparable. I told him I wanted to take things slow and he agreed we didnt need to jump into anything too fast. But soon he told me he wanted us to be together, how we wanted to be with me for the rest of his life, how he wanted us to get married and be together forever. He made me feel special, he made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. As our relationship grew things just kept getting better he would take me out to dinner, to the movies, anywhere I wanted to go, I felt like I was in heaven. 2 months after we met I got pregnant, I was really excited even though we had only been together for a short period of time because we had so many plans for our future together. He told me he had 3 kids already and how much he loved his kids and all that he did for them. When I told him I was pregnant he was excited and told me how proud he was. He soon moved in with me so we could start our lives together. But things soon started to get rocky. He agreed to help pay the bills but every month he would come up with an excuse of how he had no money. I was struggling to pay everything on my own but figured we had just hit a hard spot in out relationship and things would get better.His attitude started to change to, he would come home from work mad and accuse me of cheating on him while he was gone. He started questioning if my unborn child was his and demanding a paternity test once my son was born. Then he started going out by himself more often and saying I couldn’t go because I was pregnant. First it was a few nights a week and gradually became and every night routine and wouldn’t come home till 3,4,5 in the morning. I was scared to go threw my pregnancy by myself and just prayed that he would change, but he didnt. Regularly starting to not come home at all for days. I thought maybe he would stop acting like this after the baby was born so I waited it out. I would come home from work and he would have already showered and left. And when I would see him he would accuse me of being with other men while he was gone. He stopped taking me out all together, and would get very angry if he did come home and I hadn’t cooked dinner for him. I soon started to gain ALOT of weight and by the end of my pregnancy I had gained every pound back that I had worked so hard to lose. I felt fat and worthless, my boyfriend stopped having sex with me, stopped taking me out, and left me alone all night. I felt it was my fault because I couldn’t control my eating habits. I stayed with him my entire pregnancy and supported him even though he treated me like crap, I wanted us to be a family so bad nothing else mattered. When my son was born he was there to witness my emergency c section, it was a beautiful moment to see my son for the first time especially after everything I had been through. My boyfriend looked so happy, tears were in his eyes as he smiled from ear to ear. I thought everything was going to be ok, but it wasnt. The night after my son was born I got an unexpected visitor from his other childrens mother, she told me they also had a new baby that was 2 months old. I couldnt beleive he had another woman pregant the whole time we were together and was so mad at him. My boyfriend left me in the hospital alone with our new baby and didnt come back till the day I was discharged. He took us home that day and left again for 2 more days. After all this I still felt scared to be without him and forgave him..again. He said things would change but they never did. Although he would come around every other day or so I was forced to take on the role of a single mother. It was hard and I was angry that he could just leave me and not care about his new baby. A few weeks later another woman contacted me via facebook, she too, said my boyfriend was the father of her one moth old daughter. I stared at pictures she had of my boyfriend and her holding this baby together. I confronted him and he denied that this was his child saying it was his friends baby and she was trying to set him up. I soon started finding out about all these women he was having “relationships” with. And found out that my baby is his 7th child and that I am one of 5 mothers to his children. He doesnt help support any of his children, nor does he make an effort to see any of them. once my son was born I couldn’t work or pay any bills and he left. I now live in a spare bedroom with my son at my mothers and finally found a new job I start next week. I start school again in the fall and going to rebuild my life for me and my son. I have lost 40 of the 68 lbs I gained so far and continue to live a healthy life style. I never knew my life would turn out the way it did but I stare at my beautiful son and know all the suffering I went through was worth it to have such a blessing in my life. I thank my ex for being a great “sperm donor”, and feel it is his loss. I am a great woman and my son is wonderful, one day my ex will realize all that he has lost, and the relationships he could have had with his children.

Finally, Confidence! (Autumn)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 8 Comments

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: He’s 4, will be 5 years on September 22nd

I’ve posted here numerous times, my previous entries:

Autumn
Stretch Marked Legs
Happy With My Body
Breasts, Acceptance

This update is to show how my body has changed, yet again. I was married to my son’s father, not really a happy marriage and the depression that came with it caused me to gain weight unrelated to my son. This weight gain and weight loss (I am now divorcing his father and have lost 25 lbs.) caused my breasts to sag a little more, but my stretch marks have faded an amazing amount.

I have started seeing someone new. Yesterday, we were all together when my son called me by my first name. My boyfriend looks at me and says, “He calls you Autumn and you don’t mind?” I said to him, “It doesn’t bother me, I know I’m his mother. I have the scars to prove it!”

He replied, “And they’re good scars, too, baby.”

I have to say, I completely agree with him. I can finally say that I don’t think there’s a darn thing wrong with me. I have never felt more attractive and I’ve never been more confident in myself. I’ll take feeling like this over my perfect teenage body any day of the week!

Blessing In Disguise (Tiffany)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cosmetic and/or Reconstructive Surgery, First Pregnancy, Infertility, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Triplets 19 Comments

Age: 28
1 pregnancy, 3 births
The babies are currently 18 months.

My husband and I had been trying for a year when we decided to seek help. Several tests later I’m fertile and his hormones suggest a pituitary tumor. A MRI concluded that he indeed had the tumor. Luckily we caught it early enough to be able to shrink it with medication. So no brain surgery was needed, thank God! He then went through a testicular biopsy and also started his medication. I started my daily injections of Gonal. A few months later I did IUI. I knew something was up a few weeks later when I woke up at 5am hungry beyond belief! I got out of bed and ate 5 Arby sandwiches in one sitting. Very unlike me. At 4’8 and 100 lbs I’ve always been a very light eater. A few weeks later I went back to the fertility doctor and learned that we were pregnant with triplets. I was so excited!!! However my doctor suggested that we talk to a selective reduction doctor since I am very small. I already knew what I wanted. I was going to keep all three babies. God gave me those three for a reason. He believed in me and I was going to carry out what he wanted for me. But I humored my doctor and saw the selective reduction doctor. He told me I would never be able to carry triplets with only being 4’8. He also thought two were identical and that their chances of surviving were very small. He suggested that I “eliminate” those two and keep the third. I walked out of that office and never looked back.

I never once had any problems throughout my pregnancy. I was still walking around shopping till the day I delivered. And the only reason I had to deliver at 33 weeks was because my dog stole my chocolate off the coffee table. My husband and I had been watching a movie when I had to take another potty break… probably my 100th time that night. LOL. I had been eating chocolate and left the remaining on the table. When I came back it was gone and I immediately knew what happened. I became enraged!!! I waddled out to the backyard where my dog was eating My chocolate and I took it back. Never mess with a pregnant woman’s food. Especially when she’s carrying multiples. I went back inside and threw it away. Of course I wasn’t going to eat it. But I wasn’t about to let that dog take my food. That was for me and my babies. I never got to get another piece. My blood pressure went through the roof. I started having visual disturbances, headaches, and nausea. I tried to get it back down by relaxing but nothing helped. So into the hospital I went.

On January 2, 2009 at 8:23 AM Noah Jacob was born. Then at 8:24 Dakota Rose was born. And my little peanut, Elijah Blue was born at 8:25 AM. Noah and Dakota weighed 4 lbs and Elijah weighed 3.1. Everyone was extremely healthy and came home the next month. And by the way, they were all fraternal unlike what the selective doctor originally thought.

I had gained 100 lbs topping the scales at 200 lbs. Breast feeding really helped to drop the weight. I was left with saggy skin. I made a Youtube video of it before I got my tummy tuck.

My plastic surgery was done in February. I’ve been working out hard ever since I got the ok from the doctor. I doubt that I’ll ever fit back into my size “0” jeans. As of now I’m 105 lbs and wear a size “1”. My hips definitely feel bigger and ache when I go from sitting to standing. I still have a bit of carpal tunnel, but it only bothers me from time to time. My body has changed so much since the triplets. It’s definitely not what it use to be. And losing weight is even harder now. But I wouldn’t change a thing. Not only did I get three, healthy, beautiful, babies… But we also caught my husband’s pituitary tumor in time thanks to the infertility. He took his meds and it went away that same year. He just went for his annual MRI and everything came back clear. Even though it was rough in the beginning it really did end Happily Ever After. Things are perfect. We are truly beyond happy… and I thank God every day for the life he has blessed me with.

Finding beauty in every imperfection (Jordan)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 8 Comments

Age: 20
Number of pregnancies and births: 2,1
6.5 months pp

I’m going to start off by saying, this site is amazing, i absolutely love it and visit at least twice a week. I’ve posted once before at four months pp and here i go again. I am now six and a half months pp and am 10 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. It’s not really a goal for me anymore, i spend my time concentrating on my son, not my calorie intake and i’m kinda on the eat what i want diet. I guess I’ve always had kind of a high metabolism, i don’t gain a lot of weight, i just don’t lose any either :P

This summer i have been brave enough to wear my bikini (Yes, in public). I have stretch marks on my tummy, and i am not ashamed. I was somewhat unhappy with my “mother body” at first. Having the body of a teenager and seeing it change into the figure of a woman takes some getting used to. I see that i am still sexy, just in a different way. I wish that all of you would feel this way about your bodies. Appreciate your bodies, they gave you the greatest gift of all, the gift of giving life. So what you aren’t perfect. You will never be perfect, neither will I. Not because it isn’t possible. In our heads, we will all reach some sort of perfection. But simply because it doesn’t exist.

I am a stay at home mom, I love spending the day with my sweet boy but i wouldn’t mind getting a job. I miss it a little, even. I’m just a tad bit nervous about daycare.

Colin is a happy, healthy momma’s boy (daddy doesn’t spoil him as much as i do). He will be 7 months old in 2 weeks, i can’t believe it.. time flies. He weighs 24 lbs even and is 28 inches long. He is smart, and i couldn’t be more proud of him.. he is now saying “ma-ma” “ba-ba” and “hi”. He is sitting up all by himself and he loves sitting in his play pen playing with all his toys, his jumperoo and moving around the house in his walker.. We have been working on crawling, but no luck yet.. if you have any advice it would be much appreciated.

I am including a few photos, so all can see my wittle piggy and my bodys journey. Thanks to everyone who read, your all beautiful mama’s!

photos: 1) one year pre-preg 2) seven months preg 3) four days pp 4 & 5) five months pp 6) pretty recent 7) up close on boobs 8) up close on stomach 9) My handsome boy

Getting Used to My New Body (Katie)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo 4 Comments

I was 20 years old when I found out I was pregnant. My husband and I were very excited because the month before I find out was the month we decided to start TTC so we were excited and shocked that it happened so quick! Well i started noticing my stretch marks when I was 35weeks and started to feel down about my body. (I turned 21 while I was pregnant) I kept telling my husband this is not the body of a 21 year old. I started looking at old pictures of my body in bathing suits. My husband kept reassuring me I was beautiful and that he didn’t marry me for my body and that he loved me. I had my daughter in June the day after my husbands birthday. My water broke on his birthday (what a wonderful gift :) ). The labor was a little rough my daughter had what the Dr’s called a traumatic birth. She had her cord double wrapped around her neck..and she was not crying when she was born. She failed the Apgar test 2 times no one told me what was going on (which I was thankful for) but I just knew something was not right….then I heard her beautiful crys and the tears just came in. We almost lost our little girl and I am so glad she is here with us today. When I look at my body I just look at my Daughter and think who cares what my body looks like I have a beautiful little girl to show for it…and I almost didn’t have her. I am thankful to God for giving me a healthy, beautiful baby girl :)!

Age: 21
Births/Pregnancies: 1
My child is: 2 months old

Why Can’t I See What He Sees? (GG)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Twins 21 Comments

26 years old
1 pregnancy
2 babies (twins) boy and girl.

My husband is such a wonderful man. He sees in me the most beautiful and sexy woman alive. Why can’t I see that?? All I see is fat here and there and everywhere! I see imperfections and that is it. My stomach is ugly with stretch marks and saggy on my lower abdomen. My legs are fat! They have always been fat but now they are fatter. Every time I see myself in pictures I feel disgusting. I want to cry!!! I see my twin sister who had her baby four months ago and is so skinny. I see my cousin who just had twins who already lost all her baby weight and then some. I see everyone around me so thin and I feel so ugly. All I feel when people look at me is embarrassment because I can only imagine what they must be thinking of how fat I look. I realize that is probably not the case but I feel that way. It makes me want to run and hide. I had someone at work mention that I was fat and I need to breastfeed in order to lose that weight. Do you know what that comment did to me? It made me feel disgusting and ugly. I felt like a failure. I wanted to cry. I want to cry right now! I hate looking in the mirror but I still do! I pick at every imperfection and cry about it. My question is: Why can’t I see that person my husband sees? You should see how he looks at me. He is all over me when I get out of the shower or when I change. Why can’t I see that woman? If it weren’t for him I think I would’ve have gone insane about how fat and ugly I am. You know, I come to this site and see so many pictures of you ladies and I wish I would look half as good as all of you. I decided to post how I feel and see if I can break free from all this bad attitude towards my body so, I decided to take pictures of me as I am. I want to learn to love me. The mother of two beautiful babies who make my day with just one smile. Who I wouldn’t trade for anything, not even for my pre pregnancy body. I came here so that all that I put above is part of my past and of how I FELT about myself. After this I want to start clean and I want to see that sexy diva my husband sees in me. Thank you all for posting your stories and giving me hope.

A Healthier Lifestyle (Georgia)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Tattoo, Update 9 Comments

Previous entries here and here.

Age: 25
Pregnancies: 1 Births: 1
Weeks PP – 13

I thought I would give another update on how things are going. Im 13 weeks post partum. Loving every minute of being a mommy. I have lost all of my pregnancy weight, plus 8 pounds more. I have been doing, Lindsay Brins postnatal bootcamp dvd workout. Saved my life! Lol.

My husband and I decided 3 months ago to change our lifestyle. Get in better shape and eat better, so we can be healthier for our son. He lost 20 pounds and is very fit now, I lost 15 pounds and have trimmed up a bit. There are still good days and bad days. Sometimes Im like “Whos breasts are those? So deflated and soft..” and “Why wont the layer of fat on my tummy go away?!” other days I think “Im looking pretty dang good for 13 weeks PP..” .. I think no matter what we will have these good days and bad days.

I hope someday when I have a daughter.. my unhealthy relationship with my body will have changed.. I never want her to think shes not good enough. I want to show her how to live a healthy lifestyle and love herself. My mother never showed me that.

Anyway this will be my last update until 1 year post partum.

Pictures: My before and afters (1 week PP and 13 weeks PP), my son, my son and I, and my little family. ( If you want pics of me pre baby, please see my previous posts =) )

Thanks for reading! and hang in there ladies! Remember: “Be miserable or motivate yourself, whatever has to be done, its always your choice..”


Updated here.

My Story of Childbirth (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Twins 7 Comments

i had just left school,starting college when i found out i was pregnant, at the start i didnt know what to do. i was so scared and alone. i was in a relationship with a man i loved for 6months but knew for a long time before,but the last thing i thought of was being pregnant!
i went to the local doctor who comfirmed i was 8-9 weeks preg and examined me etc and booked me into a hospital. at the time i was 16 and had to think of how i was going to tell my mum and dad! dad was great about it,mum was a little annoyed. but it could of been worse i could of been dying etc!

my man was also fine. just came as a shock to every one. my first scan was 12 weeks and i was that early they had to do an internal scan. this is the day we found out we were havin two babies and not one,i was laughing and crying at the same time, anthother shcok to tell everyone, seeing my lil babies on that screen made so proud that i could be the mother carrying these precious little things. i didnt think it would be possible. i had always been slim and around 8 stone for my 5.6 height. the doctor told me to take it easy as i was so young and that my frame weight etc mite make it hard for me to carry to full term. that got me worried.

i started showin after 3 months ,a little baby bump it was so cute.after 5 months i just got bigger and bigger lol. i was never sick alot but i had heartburn every single day all ay long i hated it! every scan went great,no problems wat so ever. i was soo happy.

i got nearer and nearer my due date i started to worry about the labour i was scared. reality was kickin in that these babies wernt staying inside me forever.
the hospital told me they were goin to start me at 39 weeks. my waters broke the night before i went into hospital but labour was slow and tiring so they gave me a drip to start my contractions and i got an epidural. contractions were sore and the pressure of delivering the babaies was horrible. i was glad thje pain was over and
both my little babies were healthy and ok, twin 1 was the smallest at 5.5 pounds and the 2nd twin was 6.5. i had stiches and was home in 3 days.

i wouldnt change a thing apart from my belly now. it really makes me feel down and although i know i should be proud of what i have acheived but i cant. i would love a tummy tuck but couldnt afford it. i am trying to lose a bit of weight as i am 10 stone now. and at 5.5 height that is overweight,it is hard to keep motivated!
ihave really small boobs now,34b size and stretch marks over them and my belly and sides. all my weight seems to go to my hips now.

i read stories on her and im amazed by some of them use are all very strong minded woman and i wish i was like that x

Not happy with the new me. (B’s Mommy)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

Age: 22
1 Pregnancy, 1 Birth Via C-section
6 months PP

Six months ago I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy. I was in labor for nearly 30 hrs, I pushed for 3 and then had to have a c-section. My little man weighed 9 lbs 7 oz! This was my first pregnancy and it was unexpected, but I wouldnt change it for the world. I have had many ups and downs in these past 6 months. B has been in and out of the hospital. During these past 6 months I’ve heard more crying then i’ve heard my entire life. He has cried almost every day for the majority of the days. We didnt know what was wrong, and neither did the doctors. They passed it off as ‘colic’ and each time it kept getting worse. Finally a doctor figued out that he had a Urinary tract infection and he was put on antibiotics. They keep coming back and we don’t know why. He also has acid reflux and a milk allergy. It has been a difficult time but he makes me smile every day!

One thing that doesn’t make me happy is my new body. I really try hard to be happy with myself. I have been trying to work out and eat healthy, but it’s hard to do being a single mom. I gained 70 lbs during my pregnancy! I went from 120 up to 190! I was used to being small. Just when I start feeling a bit better about myself I have yet another person ask me if I am expecting again, or “how far along are you”. Even strangers ask me, it’s pretty depressing! I have more stretch marks then I can count and a sagging stomach. I don’t think I will ever feel comfortable naked around anyone. I wish I could just feel happy with myself, regardless of all this, but where do I start?