Cesarean Scar and/or Incision

Trying to Deal With This New Body (Nicole)

Bonnie (SOAM) African American, Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 10 Comments

I have known my childs father for as long as i can remember it seems. Ive never been a person that loved kids. I was the one in the family people knew not to call me because of how i was with children. I was 20 when i found out i was pregnant so i was not excatly happy when i found out. So after dealing with any easy pregnancy and a terrible labor i was left with zero self esteem. I had a belly percing that turned of to look horrible as i grew in the pregnancy plus the stretch marks.My bf tells me everyday how much he loves my body but i just dont see it. I try not to look at other peoples bodies but you really cant avoid it especially at the beach. I hope that as time goes on that maybe i love my body and see it the way that he does

~Your Age:23
~Number of pregnancies and births:1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are:18 months

1st pic- me now and if you look carefully you can see my scar
2nd pic- me 9 months post
3rd- my lil diva

Bittersweet (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 19 Comments

Age: 31
3 Pregnancies and 3 Csections
Ages of Children: 7, 4, and almost 3 years.

I call my story “Bittersweet” because my journey has often felt that way. I’ve struggled with my weight
all my life. I was very active when I was younger and didn’t really gain a lot until college and marriage.
I stayed in size 10s and 12s. At my heaviest I was 250 and wore size 18s. I’ve been on every diet.

Now I’m 31 years old, I weigh 139 pounds, I am 5’7 1/2″, and I wear clothes in sizes 6, 7, and 8.

Here’s what happened:
I’ve had 3 pregnancies where I gained too much weight, and I’ve had 3 csections- the first of which being a perfect scar on the bikini line by an amazing doctor, the second and third cuts were made above the bikini line by not so great doctors causing me to have horrible scars and a lopsided belly.

After my third baby, I decided to get in shape the healthy way. I eat great, strength train, and do cardio.
Long story short, I lost 100 pounds and am now at a weight and size that is smaller than the day I got
married. I finally could wear a bikini, but do you think I would- Hell no.

I’m about at the finish line with my weight loss journey. There’s still 5-10 pounds I’d like to shed.
And what has happened- no I didn’t win a prize- instead, my boobs have completely deflated- they are
not perky and full like when I weighed 160 pounds and higher, my entire body is covered in stretchmarks.
It seems as though new ones appear daily on my boobs, my sides, my butt, and now down my thighs and
legs (which used to be my best feature).

I’m saddened by all of this. I don’t feel sexy at all. I cannot afford any kind of plastic surgery or special
lotions, skin treatments. I often want to gain the weight back- not all of it but enough to get my boobs back
and not be so saggy.

I appreciate everyone who reads this. It saddens me especially because it seems as though I cannot
watch a movie without seeing a beautiful naked woman on it. Men see gorgeous naked women all the time
without even having to try. How can a man appreciate a body like this. My husband says he likes my
body and likes it smaller now, but come on!!! I’m not buying it. I feel disgusting. It’s bittersweet to lose
weight and not love my new body. I hate it worse than when I was overweight.

090110-anon-1

One Year After a Cesarean–Update (Colleen)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 16 Comments

Previous posts here and here.

~Age: 26
~Number of pregnancies and births:one pregnancy, one birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 1 year post-partum

When I did my first post at 3 weeks postpartum, I figured I’d wait to do another when my daughter was a year old and I had made some progress. Her birthday’s was two weeks ago and very little progress has been made (at least physically—daily life got in the way!), but here it goes anyway.

I fluctuated between 138 and 142ish before I got pregnant, and was 176 pounds the morning I delivered. By 3 weeks postpartum, I was down to 155—and still am. While I don’t mind that much, it’s frustrating because I’ve actually GAINED some weight back in the last month or so. I had been at 150 for a while. I think that as my little one eats more food and nurses less, I’m just not burning as many calories, and haven’t adjusted my food intake accordingly.

I have wanted to work out. I want to be in shape and have energy and not get tired doing the simplest tasks. The universe (and money) seem to be against me in this. We do not have the money to join a gym. It seems simple enough to take walks outside with the baby in a stroller, but first we had an abnormally snowy winter, and now we’re having an abnormally hot summer (we broke 5 heat records in the month of June alone). The nearest mall is 25 minutes away. Jogging is out of the question because I can’t afford a specialty-sized sports bra (which I need). Finally I discovered that if I squeeze myself into two of my old sports bras they’re supportive enough, and I bought a pilates DVD. I have yet to try it, but I’m excited to finally be doing SOMETHING.

What I haven’t done physically I have made up in thinking in the past year…about body image, about childbirth and what makes a birth “perfect” or not. Seventeen of my friends have had babies since my daughter was born. Many of them are less-than-satisfied with their mommy bodies. I find myself repeating the “9 months on, 9 months off” mantra at least once a week. It really makes me wonder why we seem to think that our bodies HAVE to look the same after having a baby. Why is the stick-thin non-curvy teenage figure so desirable? Why do so many women reject the changes that their babies have wrought on them? When, exactly, did the ability to wear a bikini become the measure by which we judge our attractiveness? And why are only “perfect” women allowed to wear bikinis? So few people have that body, so why do we look askance at the REAL women who dare to bare it all (er…most of it)?

Somewhere along the line I developed an amazing sense of self confidence. I am happy with my body, extra belly fat and jiggly butt included, about 98% of the time. I find myself looking in the mirror sometimes and admiring my figure. My husband helps; he still finds me irresistible. There are moments, though, when I am disgusted by the fat that didn’t used to be there. I tend to get down a lot when I’m around my sisters. They both have a completely different body type than I (long legs and very slender vs. long torso and curvy), and are obsessed with fitness and eating well. I compare my size 10 H-cup self to a 2 and a 4 A/B-cup and end up feeling like a big tub of lard. I realize I’m not big but it’s easy to feel that way around them. I’m hoping the pilates will help.

What I find myself wondering, though, is if my self-confidence is truly a belief that I am beautiful, or is born of the fact that my body bounced back really well? If I was carrying an extra 40 pounds and covered in stretch marks, would I feel this well? I don’t know. I will have to wait and see what happens in subsequent pregnancies to find out. I hope that I can continue to feel good about myself no matter what happens.

When my daughter was 6 months old, a friend of mine had an emergency cesarean at 27 weeks, and her son died 2 ½ hours later. It rocked me to the core. It made me realize how lucky I am to have a happy, healthy baby, despite complications and despite her method of arrival. It made me appreciate how very lucky I am to HAVE the option of a VBAC, because my friend had a vertical internal incision and will now never be allowed to go into labor. She gave me the idea of becoming a birth doula to help other women to achieve their desired births. I’m still considering it (it’s probably not feasible with my current circumstances), but I really like the idea.

Not a day goes by that I am not utterly amazed at this tiny little person that my body grew and nourished (IS nourishing). She was exclusively breastfed until 6 months and never got formula. We just put her on whole milk a week ago, and I’m in the process of weaning her. She is happy and healthy and full of life. Often times my husband and I find ourselves sitting with her between us just talking about how much we love her. I am looking for a full-time job and it breaks my heart to think of leaving my sweet baby with a stranger all day long. She is worth the stretch marks on my butt and the saggy mess that my breasts are going to be in a month or two. She’s worth the two extra pants sizes and the difficulty with finding shirts that fit. She’s even worth the cesarean scar. I cannot wait to do it all again (except hopefully without the cesarean the next time).

Pictures:
1. The night before my cesarean (what you can’t see is that my shirt was laying on the ground next to me because I had an IV in my other arm, and couldn’t get the shirt off over the IV pole!)
2-5. One year and two weeks post-partum.
6. The joy of my life.

Updated here.

7 weeks PP (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 4 Comments

Age: 28
Number of pregnancies: 2
Children: 2 – son, 22 months & daughter, 7 weeks
How far postpartum: 7 weeks

I am 5″ 1′ and weighed 130 before I got pregnant this time – I gained 35 pounds which was a lot better then the almost 50 pounds I gained with my first pregnancy! Now at 7 weeks postpartum I am back down to 135 – I would like to get down to 115 which is what I was before I had my first baby… 20 pounds to go…

I had my son naturally after 75+ hours of labor and a very long and hard recovery time – so this time around we chose to have a c-section. It was the right choice for me!! Now 7 weeks later I feel so much better then I did even at 6 months PP with my son!! It has been easier this time around to except my body and the extra skin, weight and stretch marks. I have two beautiful children to show for it!!! :)

The photos are me 7 weeks postpartum – lovely stretch marks – and my c-section scar.

7 1/2 Months Later and Still Struggling (Jess)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 11 Comments

I met my sons father when i was 17 years old. We met at a small little party and were together pretty much nonstop afterwards. Within 2 months we already had an apartment together. One night he had had a few drinks and we were just sitting around having a somewhat deep converstaion about how we felt about each other and he let it slip that i was a few pounds more than the girls he usually is with but if being with someone he really loves means having to deal with a few extra pounds it was worth it. I don’t think he was trying to insult me but needless to say it very deeply affected me. I dropped about 25 pounds over the next few months and went from 147 to 124. That was the smallest I have ever been. My self confidence was just horrible. I was always accusing my boyfriend of being unhappy with my body and it caused a lot of problems. I was 18 when I got pregnant and 19 when my son was born. I was honestly a miserable pregnant person. I gained 70 pounds going from 124 to 194. My doctor sent me to talk to a nutritionist every single appointment. It was honestly embarassing. I managed to avoid stretch marks until i was about 38 weeks. I think they actually got worse after I gave birth. I had a really horrible case of the PUPPS rash and was due to be induced on a dec. 20th. I went into labor naturally on my own tho on the 19th. It was a long 30 hour labor followed by a c section because i was just not dilating. I never made it past 3cm. I love my son very much and he is comlpetely amazing but i still get very depressed over my body. I’ve dropped about 50 pounds over the past 7 and a half months and am now down to around 143. I breastfed for 2 months and it was a really good experience while it lasted… definitely helped me to bond with my son and it was great not having to wash bottles lol…. My boobs have definitely changed tho… they depress me very much… they’re just these empty little sacks of skin with huge nipples…. they used to be my favorite part of me… I’ve pretty much hit a plateau as far as my weight loss goes. I don’t think im going to be able to lose anymore until i learn to like myself and become a happier person… I am a very emotional eater…. I know things could be so much worse… but i could really use some motivation…..

Pictures-
1-3 Weeks pp
2-6 weeks pp
3-6weeks pp
4-4 months pp
5-4 months pp
6-5 1/2 months pp
7-6 months pp
8-7 1/2 months pp
9-7 1/2 months pp
10-7 1/2 months pp
11-8 months pregnant
12-prepregnancy
13- my son

Updated here.

3 weeks PP and in the Navy (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 10 Comments

Age: 21
Number of pregnancies/births: 1/1
Age of children: 3 week old baby boy

I joined the Navy when I was 18. Went to bootcamp in Great Lakes Illinois two weeks after I graduated from High School on July 3, 2007 and graduated August 31, 2007. I ended up being stationed at NAS Oceana in Virginia Beach Va, across the country from my family in California. I met my amazing boyfriend in the Navy and found out we were expecting a baby November 2009. I was terrified and i felt so alone being so far from home.

I weighed around 150 when I met my boyfriend and was comfortable with my weight. I had gained 20 lbs by the time I found out I was pregnant. I weighed 206 just before I gave birth and I hated the way my body looked. I’ve never had a flat stomach and a perfect body but I’ve always been so comfortable with my body until I got pregnant. The stretch marks I could handle. I’ve had them before and they faded with time until they were almost invisible. It was the darkening of my nipples and arreola that horrified me. They used to be a pretty pink and now they are a dark brown. I now have a dark line from my belly button down to my pubic bone. My body doesn’t feel like my own anymore.

I have 6 months to get back in shape for the Navy. I have to get down to 145 or 32% body fat. I weigh 178 and am nowhere near being 32% body fat. I have more pressure to get back into shape from both the Navy and my boyfriend. I feel useless in my own body. I can’t work out until I hit 6 weeks PP. That’s when I go back to work and am cleared to start working out again.

On top of everything I’m trying to heal physically and emotionally from my c section. I feel like a failure as a mother for not being able to have a normal vaginal birth. I feel like I have been robbed of experiencing my baby’s birth.

Hopefully one day I recover from the experience and be able to lose the weight and get back into shape. As for my flabby stomach and saggy uneven breasts, I plan on having plastic surgery in a year when I transfer to another command. I’ve never felt confident enough to wear a bikini and I’d like to wear one someday. My breasts have never been perky and they’ve always been pancake like and my nipples always pointed down. I love my baby but not the body that came with him. He is so worth it though.

1st pic: Pre pregnancy
2nd pic: 40 weeks pregnant
3rd pic: 3 weeks PP belly
4th pic: uneven saggy breasts
5th pic: side view
6th pic: c section scar
7th pic Anthony Gabriel
8th pic: Anthony and Daddy(I’m jealous of his abs lol)
9th pic: Anthony and mommy

Any confidence I had (which was minimal) is GONE! (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Postpartum, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 17 Comments

I have always had insecurities about my body, which eventually led to an eating disorder. I got down to almost 85 lbs (I am 5′ 3″). Fortunately, I was able to stop. I slowly gained weight back, and wasn’t exactly happy, but I dealt with it and had the support of my husband. Then, I got pregnant. I knew I would gain weight but never realized the toll that pregnancy would have on my body. I gained about 50 lbs and had to have a c-section due to arrested dilation. My baby was put under the bili-lights for the first week of life and therefore could not breastfeed. She got too used to the bottle and I have ended up bottle-feeding her. So, I was stuck with this extra weight to lose without the aid of breastfeeding. So, here I am now, 3 months postpartum, with saggy breasts, HORRIBLE stretch marks, and so much extra weight it is not even funny. I am only 21 but am already past my prime. It’s a really sad realization and I am trying to accept it. I’m having trouble with the eating disorder now too. I feel so out of control. And my husband is gone due to the military. It’s hard. But my baby girl is the light of my life now. Pray for me please :)

P.S. The last picture is of me before I got pregnant, just in case you couldn’t tell the difference ;D

~Age: 21
~Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 1 live birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 3 months postpartum

New Mummy, New body to accept (Kelly)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 18 Comments

~Age: 22
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: Kara is 4 weeks old

My partner Matt and I are both young, I’m 22, he is 20. We had Kara 4 weeks ago, I had to have an emergency c-section as I was induced at 9 days overdue and after 12 hours of hard labour I hadn’t dilated at all.

I was happy with the c-section, although it took me about a week to walk unsupported I am happy with how everything went.
I have never been a totally stick skinny person, I’ve always been curvy and I’ve always had big boobs. Now they are just massive haha (and my breastfeeding nipples are so huge!!!).

I’m lucky to have an amazingly supportive partner who tells me every day that I’m still attractive and that he loves my tummy (pouch and all). I got more stretchmarks than I was expecting but I will grow to accept them.

I can’t help but feel down when I see other girls my age in bikinis and such but I have decided that once summer comes round again (December here in Australia) I’ll bear a bikini no matter how floppy I still am because it’ll feel empowering to show of those marks that I like to think of as “Mummy badges”.

I’ve lost so 8 kilos so far, 5 from the birth and 3 kilos since. I aim to get down to 60kgs which is 22 kilos away!!! I’m using Wii Fit for light exercise… I can’t wait til it stops telling me I’m obese!!!

I’ll include a small bunch of pics to show off all my changes

1st pic: pre pregnancy body (actually the night Matt and I found out we were expecting!)
2nd pic: 40 weeks pregnant
3rd pic: 2 hours post c-section
4th pic: 1 week post c-section
5th pic: 4 weeks post c-section, stretchmarks on butt, hip, thigh and stomach
6th pic: 4 weeks post c-section, stretchmarks on stomach and c-section scar
7th pic: 4 weeks post c-section, post partum body
8th pic: Kara Lee Eleanor – 4 weeks old

Twins and a Toddler…not sure who “I am” anymore (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, Child Loss, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Twins 34 Comments

Who am I? I’m a…Mom….who is unsatisfied. Grateful in a lot of respects, but one who feels guilty I’m so unhappy. I can’t believe I’m writing this. Maybe I’ll get some peace with after doing so…doubtful. I must have taken a half dozen pictures of my belly and kept deleting them saying…”nah, it’s not that bad…must be angle.” But, alas, pictures don’t lie so I here I am…humbled….sad…disgusted.

I’m 39 years old with a 4 year old and boy/girl twins who are almost 9 months old. I had an easy pregnancy with my first and difficult time with the twins for obvious reasons. I was on bed rest at 25 weeks and carried them to 38.5 weeks. My son was born 7 lbs. 6 oz. and my daughter was 6 lbs. 1 oz. Everyone is healthy and for that I’m grateful.

But I hate what it’s done to my self esteem. It’s not just my weight really either.

I’ve never been what you’d consider thin. I was always a pear shape with bigger butt and thighs. My only saving grace was my thin waist and belly…now that’s gone. I’m 5’1” and currently weigh about 185 lbs and wearing size 16 pants. With the twins, I got up to like 220. At my happiest, I weighed about 135ish…around my wedding in 2002. Good times!

I’ve tried buying control garments to push in and smooth out the rolls, but it makes me feel like a sausage so I only wear it when I want to look really good…well, as good as I can. I really don’t get out much…thankfully.

Because of our financial situation and with the unexpected twins, I had to quit work and stay home with the twins (my 4 year old goes to pre-school). I hunger for anytime intellectual stimulation and adult interaction. I often think I might be a better Mommy if I wasn’t around them all day, but that is not in the cards right now so I have to make the best out of this. I miss work, but there is no way I could every go back, not even part time, and afford day care for 2 and pre-school for 1. I’m grateful my husband has a good job and we live modestly so we are ok. I do hate having to ask him for money so I can buy socks or underware. It’s kinda humiliating to have to ask for money, but that is my reality now.

One of the hardest things for me is that me and my husband haven’t had sex in almost 2 years (since we conceived the twins). We didn’t at all when I was pregnant…was never really into that for some reason and after the twins, forget it–no energy or time. We are wiped out by 8:30pm and he wakes for work at 5am so he’s tired and I’m tired too. I have a wonderful husband, he’s a great father, great provider…but I feel we have grown distant in a lot of ways. Most of which are related to the chaos of raising a family and not having a lot of “us” time. We were never really ‘nympho’s”…at our best, we had sex 2 to 3 times a month…but it’s starting to bother me. He doesn’t ever complain about it nor does he ever complain about my body…but he never really gives me some positive hope either by saying “oh, honey, you look fine to me.” I’m sure he’s biting his lips out of kindness. I hate my body and don’t feel attractive at all.

The scar doesn’t really bother me, but the “twin skin” does. When I’m laying down, it’s all loose and wrinkled. When I stand, it sags. I don’t even think the gym would help with the extra skin…but it would help if I’d go more. I don’t really mind the gym…getting there is half the battle. The hardest part is managing the twins and a toddler and the gym. Between naps and feeding, I have 45 minutes to get there, drop the off in the child care center on site, work out and get them home for their next nap. I’ve tried working out at home, but I can’t stay focused…I keep thinking about all the housework to do and the million other things I could be doing.

Eating healthy is sooooo much hard work and expensive. Healthy stuff is so expensive and we are living paycheck to paycheck and there is not much left over. And, who has time to cut all that stuff up and prepare…people say the night before….well, I’m beat and exhausted by 9pm. I’m so crazed during the day, that I’m lucky if I can make a PB&J or something quick…surely and conveniently unhealthy. There are times I’m so stressed out that I eat just because it makes me feel better. Like a drug. There are times, I just want to throw up for a week or two to see some results and maybe get motivated. I’m thinking maybe I’ll try Alli too…soiling my pants might be enough motivation to eat well. I don’t know.

It’s not really the weight per se, it’s the displacement of “stuff.” My belly from the side view looks like a “B” and it’s so…weird. I guess that is the twin skin pouch I was warned about. I guess the only lucky part is that I didn’t get any stretch marks which is amazing considering how large I got (picture below is of me at 37 weeks).

I long to be a healthy weight and happy with my body…it doesn’t have to be perfect, but not like it is now which is terrible period. There is not way of sugar coating it for me. I don’t want to be the ‘fat mom’ who can’t run after and keep up with her children. I want my husband to “want me”. I have to find the gumption to do something about this!

Thanks for reading. I hope I can find some peace someday. Maybe after the kids are in school and I go back to work and start saving for a tummy tuck. But for now, I know who I am a frumpy Mom…with no career…no sex life…living in empire waste clothing to hide my belly…with healthy and happy kids, a good husband, and for that I should find comfort…but I really don’t–but will keep trying.

– Age: 39
– Number of pregnancies and births: 3 pregnancies, 2 births—1 via c-section, 1 set of twins via c-section, 1 miscarriage at 9 weeks.
– The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 4 yr old and 8 month old twins (8 months postpartum)

Accepting my NEW “mother” body (Lizz)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Cesarean, Cesarean Scar and/or Incision, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Teen Mom 10 Comments

This is my Labor Story and I would like to share it.
My EDD was Nov. 23rd, 2009

Nov 24th, 2009 I went in at 8AM for a regular check up.
Dr. Wong stripped my membranes and 5 minutes later I started cramping.
I told her about how I have been itchy for a few weeks, and she seemed concerned and told me to go head to L&D for an Induction.

I went home took a shower and grabbed my bags and headed to L&D. They gave me a room, and hooked me up. We found out I was already having contractions 3-5 minutes apart. They kept asking me if I wanted the epidural, and I told them NO, I dont need it. I was there all day.

Around 7PM I was dilated at around 4cm. So the doctor gave me the epidural so I can rest at night, and he also broke my water after. All night I was up, I was so excited to meet Sofia. But During the night I started getting a fever and shaking. I had caught an infection, due to breaking my water early and not progressing fast enough.

Around 3AM I was at 7cm. Around 5AM I was at around 9cm. And then again at 7AM, still at 9cm.
And thats when the doctor said if we dont go anywhere within the next hour or so, we might have to do an emergency c-section. 8 AM still at 9cm. Doctor called for an emergency c-section due to the infection that can get to Sofia.

They got everything ready, numb my body….and made me take a shot of some weird nasty stuff =(.
I’m in the O.R shaking still, feeling cold.

My husband got to come in the room and so they began. While working with my body, I started feeling sick and puked =(. Moments later Doctors told hubby to get ready and meet little Miss Sofia Roxanne.

And his eyes watered, thats when I knew how much he loves us both.
Welcome Miss Sofia Roxanne On November 25th,2009 at 0908AM, 7lbs 4oz and 19.5 inches.

~Your Age: 19
~Number of pregnancies and births: 1
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 5 months old