Breasts

3rd pregnancy of a plus-sized 20-something (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Child Loss, Gestational Diabetes, Plus-Sized Mom, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy, Toxemia 40 Comments

I’ve never been very skinny. The only point I can remember being so was when I was 13 and 5’6″ and maybe 90-100lbs. After that I plumed big time. At the age of 15 almost 16 I started having really bad pains that made it hard to walk, it was found that I had ovarian cysts, a month later I stopped having a menstrual cycle. When I turned 16 I was put on birth control pills to regulate my cycles and help with the cysts. In that time frame, age 15-16, I packed on around 30-40lbs and was around 170 at 5’7″. Not horribly overweight but still higher.

I was on birth control pills from 16 to just after 18 when my last pack ran out(June 2005). My OB/Gyn said that I may not be able to get pregnant, so part of me though why do I need pills then. In July 2005 I had a cyst burst, while at work, I crawled under my desk and cried till my boyfriend and boss found me and my boyfriend took me to my mom’s house, and she took me to the doctors. A month after that I found out I was pregnant. Just by chance too. I had a friend that we knew was pregnant, she had to be she was more then 2weeks late, but she refused to take a test unless some one did with her. Her older sister had never been with anyone and I was the only one around, so I bought her a 2 pack, I went first, looked and threw it out all with in seconds, she peed and handed it to me not wanting to look. Hers instantly was positive. I went back somewhere between 5-10minutes later and got mine out of the trash, to my shock it was positive.

Over the next few days I took 2 more tests each positive. Then August 12th, 2005 I started bleeding. I went to the ER but there was nothing that could be done, we’d lost the baby all within a week of finding out. It was hard, I was only 18, living in the not best conditions with my Fiance(no house), but in away I think it was a slight blessing even though I still cry about it to this day. My cycle never came back after that. My OB gave me a shot of progesterone in October and it started a small cycle, light bleeding for 2 days, nothing then spotting the day after, I’d never had light periods in my life so it was odd. My Fiance and I had an appointment set in November to get the depo shot, but I had to have a cycle first. Instead of going to get the depo shot, it turned into my first prenatal visit of sorts. I found out in early November 2005 that I was pregnant again. Sadly we were planning a move to Texas where my then fiance’s family lives so I didnt’ get a real prenatal appointment.

The move to Texas didn’t last, we were there from Mid December to early February. I was horridly sick, severe HG morning sickness, I couldn’t even keep water down and was in the ER a few times in Texas. I also missed my mom too much. So we moved back to Idaho in February. And I got my first real parental appointment at around 18 weeks. It was such a relief to be able to go to the doctors if needed. We found out just 10days before my 19th birthday that we were having a boy(March 2006) to the joy of both of us. I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes in late April 2006, which is partly why I had been so sick before. My blood pressure started going up too in late May early June, and became Pregnancy Induced Hypertension, and was being watched for pre-e.

My son, Seamus was born on July 18th, 2006. I was induced at 39weeks 5days because of the GD and PIH and he was born just barley at 39weeks 6days (10:12pm). He had a little stay in the incubator for jaundice and we got to come home on July 21st.

In September 2006 I had Mirena IUD placed. It was ok except for it caused me to gain 25lbs in a month. The weight gain made me mad sense I was already way past my prepregnancy weight and thought I’d actually get under 200lbs. I struggled with my weight over the next 2yrs. From November 2007 to May 2008 I lost 20lbs of that weight (I went from 200lbs pre IUD to 225 after, then to 250 a few months later) but it wasn’t much. In May 2008 I had my IUD removed in hopes it would help me to loose more weight. I had bleeding (not really a cycle) from May 17th to the 20th and slight spotting on the 21st. That was the last time I had real bleeding. I had some spotting in early July but it wasn’t any more then what could lightly be seen on toilet paper. I was getting frustrated in late July early August sense it had been almost 90days sense I had any type of bleeding. I went to the clinic they ran tests for thyroid problems which came back normal, and the doc just said it was PCOS a term I’ve herd many times in regards to me. They did a pregnancy test on August 1st just to be sure. Then told me it was negative and that I’d need medical help to get pregnant again, much like the progesterone with my son. They gave me a script for it and my husband and I decided we’d fill it but not use it till December.

One thing had been on my mind though the whole time. How sore my breasts were. I had a digital test lying around from when my IUD was taken out and I decided sense we were going to be trying any time soon that I’d use the test to get it out of the house. I peed and put the lid on it and set it down. I picked it up a couple seconds later expecting to see “Not Pregnant”…..thats not what it said…it said “Pregnant” I freaked, my 2yr old son was in there with me and was confused why mommy was being weird. My husband was still asleep and I took the test to him and shoved it in his face and woke him up, he laughed! I didn’t believe it so I made him buy me another test, took it and it was also positive right away(line test this time) it was a shocker (all this August 17th, 2008). I went to the doctors 2 weeks later sense we didnt’ know how far along I was and found out I was 6weeks 2days, and due April 19th, 2009.

So far things are going ok this time around, I haven’t been puking near as bad as with my son, and actually its getting better at this point, 12weeks 4days. I’m having to have my Gestational Diabetes testing done between 17-18weeks this time sense I was on insulin with my son, and they are watching me closely for pre-e this time. So far so good.

I really wanted to show some pictures of me, the not skinny plus sized, 21yr old mommy thats pregnant, and really you can’t tell because of my gut. I want ladies to see that not everyone is small :)







When he smiles (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Poetry, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Update 22 Comments

I want to lie and say that I am comfortable with my body.
I want to say that I don’t give it a second thought.
The truth though…
The truth is that I think about it often.

I can be honest and say I think about it less now than I ever have.
This website helps.
Trying to maintain a healthy outlook helps.
Knowing, now that I have a son who has rocked my world, that love for a child…your own child…kicks all other types of love in the ass.

The emotion I feel when I look at my son conquers all.
If you are a mother, you know that.

You know that you would jump in front of ten speeding locomotives for your child.
You know that you would sacrifice all for your child.
You know that watching every first, step, bite and word is better than…well…is better than anything for which we have words.

I know that I am “lucky”.
I didn’t get stretch-marks (well, not many)
My body handled pregnancy well.
I carried small.

But, in reading what I have written, that “luck” seems trite and selfish and trivial.
It.
Does.
Not.
Matter.

What matters is growth and adaptation and health and happiness and love and memories.

Juicy watermelon running down my son’s chin.
Laughter as he splashes through a puddle.
His assuredness as he navigates his first steps.
That sweet smell of his milky breath first thing in the morning.

When he smiles.
When he smiles.
When he smiles.

I want to lie and say that I am comfortable with my body.
I want to say that I don’t give it a second thought.
The truth though…
The truth is that I think about it often.






Updated here.

12 Months Postpartum (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Update 9 Comments

Well, my daughter is going to be a year next week, so this feels like a good time to celebrate what an amazing year of changes it has been. It’s been the most profound year of my life, and I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. Having said that, it hasn’t been an easy year. I suffered from ppd quite badly in the first four months until I dealt with it through counseling and medication. I’m doing so well now, and though I struggle a lot with post-partum body image (and it’s funny to think I had issues before now too…) I’m feeling quite good now and in control. Seeing these pictures of myself, and not concentrating on any numbers, I see that I look alright and I should be proud of myself and love my “new” body. I’m far from losing the “baby” weight, but I hope that I’m on my way.





Updated here and here.

I’m So Soft (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 7 Comments

I have always been thin, and I still am. Everywhere except my belly. I can dress in such a way that my proof of parenthood is quite well disguised, but I’m still chubby enough that every once in a while I get asked if I’m pregnant. I’m okay with that.

I’m also surprised at how true love can make a man blind. I am dating a 26 year old man with no kids who thinks I am perfect. Not flawless, but perfect.

Sometimes the stretch marks bother me (enough that once I bought some cream that was supposed to help and it did a little) and the flabby overhang is annoying, but then there are the times when my daughter lays on my stomach with her hand on my breast and tells me how soft I am and all is well.






Changes 10.5 Months Postpartum (Kashi)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 11 Comments

Pre-pregnancy I weighed 180 lbs, I walked out of the hospital weighing 145 lbs… (10 lbs more than I had weighed a week before) After all the water weight came off, I sat at 225lbs for a few months. Slowly came down to 210, and now I’m 197 lbs, FINALLY back down into the 100s!!

Here are some pictures of me now (10.5 months pp):








My Journey to Accepting My Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions 24 Comments

Before and During Pregnancy
I have always been rather slender. I am very petite; the heaviest I have been is 113 pounds and I am 4’11.” I should also note that I have never had an eating disorder and have never been on a diet. Sure, there were times I was out of shape and a little heavier than I should have been, but for the most part I have been a normal, average, healthy size.

In the year preceding my pregnancy, I was in the best shape of my life, working out regularly, wearing a size 0-1, and I was a healthy 90 lbs. Needless to say, I am a very disciplined person. During my pregnancy, I maintained my workouts for the most part, except I modified how I did abdominal exercises so that I wasn’t lying supine. I also listened to my body and stopped when I started to get overtired. During the last 4-6 weeks of my pregnancy, I hardly ever exercised because I was too tired. As far as my pregnancy diet is concerned, I didn’t change anything about my normal way of eating. That is to say, I ate moderately: I ate when I was hungry, and stopped when I was full. I had a diet rich in vegetables, whole grains, vitamins, nutrients, and other healthy stuff. I avoided caffeine and too many sweets. I gained about 30 pounds during my pregnancy, it was my 1st baby (1st pregnancy also), and I was 25. I gave birth vaginally at 37 weeks without any problems to a healthy child.

After Pregnancy
I was in my pre-pregnancy clothes and wearing a size 0-1 again by 3-4 weeks after delivery, although I wasn’t nearly as toned and as tight as I was pre-pregnancy. I also breastfed my baby for 9-10 months (exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months).

I didn’t start working out again consistently until my baby was about 7 months old. I wanted to, but at first I wasn’t motivated, then I was too busy (I returned to work when baby was 3 months old). By the time my baby was between 5-7 months, my post partum depression had reached a peak. I certainly didn’t feel like working out at that point. Consequently, I wasn’t feeling very confident about my figure, even if it looked good according to most people’s standards.

But I did start working out again, like I said when my baby was 7 months old. I started off slowly, only 3 days a week with light weights, and I gradually built up to my current (and former) routine of 4-6 days a week, doing cardio and weights (3-10 lbs), and occasionally running outdoors 2.5 to 3 miles at a time. Exercise definitely helped me combat my depression, and coupled with good friends and a supportive & loving husband, I was able to beat depression completely without medication. I now work out consistently as if my life depends on it — because the quality of my life really does depend on it. I feel better, I look better, I’m more emotionally stable, and I have more energy to submit to my family and my friends.

Presently
My baby is now 17 months old (I am now 26), and for the most part, I am content with my body right now. I didn’t get any stretch marks, and I felt like I took very good care of myself to avoid excessive weight gain, but also to maintain a healthy diet for my baby. I have worked very hard to get my body back after giving birth, and since I am a perfectionist, I will always have more goals to attain concerning my body. I never got back down to 90 pounds, but I am at 94-95 pounds and I look just as great (possibly even better) than I did pre-pregnancy. Be encouraged – it is possible!

Despite meeting my personal goals, I have battled with my self-image for a long time. For the first few months after weaning, I didn’t like my breasts at all. They were (and still are) so small. I was a perky 32B/34B pre-pregnancy, and with my small frame they were the perfect size for me! While nursing I went up to a beautiful 34C and I loved it! Now, 6 months after weaning my baby, my little pancake breasts hang at a 32A. For a long time I was extremely dissatisfied with them. When I first came across this site about 3 months ago, I was amazed at the gracious self acceptance I saw, and I wanted to be able to say(like many women here) that I love my breasts and that the way they look is a testimony to how I’ve nourished my child. I have never regretted breastfeeding at all, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. But I admit that I am a little saddened to see how they look now. I don’t, as other women do, truly consider them a “badge” or “mark” of honor. For a long time I just saw how small and flat they look. I struggled with this daily for several months. I even considered getting plastic surgery to make them perky and just a little bit bigger, but all I ever really wanted was to just accept them and change the way I think about them. My husband has always abhorred the idea of plastic surgery, and he insisted that I was focusing too much on my breasts. He would tell me that I am beautiful and that my breasts nourished our sweet baby, which is what they were always meant to do. He loves my breasts because of that reason. “And besides,” he would tell me, “they work wonderfully for their sexual purposes as well.”

After some self examination, I can finally say that I kind of like my breasts. Sure, I still wish they were perky and a little bit bigger, but I have finally taken a step and at least accepted them. I am glad they are natural and soft flesh, instead of silicone or saline implants. Okay so they’re not my idea of perfect, but I can accept them today, and appreciate them as a gift. I am still on a journey to accepting and loving my body and breasts just the way they are. Part of that journey is to share my story here. I feel like this will help me admit my struggle publicly and I know that this is part of my process of acceptance. Thank you for allowing me to share my story anonymously.

Lastly, here are all current photos of myself, taken at 16 months post-baby.








Emotional Teen Mom Part 2 (Erin)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Submissions, Teen Mom, Update 8 Comments

Original entry here.

Well since my last post a lot of things have changed *except my stretch marks.They don’t bother me as bad I don’t really care to be in a bikini and being a size 4 instead of 2 doesn’t bother me that bad either. I have a new meaning in life. I have to take care of my family. Recently my dad left my mom for another woman. My mom got a new boyfriend. My boyfriend went back to college for phycology. I have a job,not a very glamorous one but it pays good.(cleaning houses) I do not lean on my mom nor dad for financial support. I only depend on me. I am very happy wil my life. The stretchmarks on my thighs and boobs have changed significantly, but the ones on my stomach are still the same. My daughter is my world. She is the most spoiled baby, but I love her to death. I still wish I didn’t have stretchmarks but they don’t bother me every single second, of everyday, anymore :) the first are new pics of me body and then of my daughter,who will be 8 months tomorrow.



This is Me (Angela)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Tattoo 7 Comments

My name is Angela and I’ve never been a slender girl. I’ve always fought with my weight and have had a poor body image since before puberty (Thanks Mom) It wasn’t until after the birth of my first son Azriel that was I was able to gain some sort of acceptance towards my body. Even though it made my boobs a little saggy and gave me a good helping of what I call “fleshie jello” I was empowered by the changes motherhood made in my body. June 25th I gave birth to my second son, Jovan. This time around the weight didn’t come off as fast and the stretch marks were more prominent. Even though there are days when I despise looking into the mirror, I am still proud to have this flab and these stretch marks. This is me, this is who I was made to be. And I am proud.






eighteen months postpartum with baby #2 and 100 pounds lighter (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Second Pregnancy, Submissions, Surrogacy, Update 14 Comments

My entire life I have hated my body. And because of that hatred, I had no desire to take care of myself. I gained weight, lots of weight, and teetered on the edge of 300lbs. Then in my quest to become a surrogate mother, I started reading about beautiful women who hate their bodies because they cannot carry babies.That really put things into perspective for me. After two children, and a lot of soul-searching, I finally was able to take charge of my life and start appreciating my body for it’s function instead of hating it for it’s appearance. I’ve still got a long road to go. But I’m on my way to being healthy both mentally and physically. Right now, I’m putting my weightloss aside to persue helping another couple have a baby. At eighteen weeks pregnant with my surro-babe, I am truly grateful for my body’s amazing ability to create and sustain life. Beauty fades, but my children are my legacy, and the joy they have brought me will last my whole life long. When you really think about it, what’s a few stretch marks and extra pounds, when you’re getting the chance of a lifetime to be expirience carrying your own child?



Updated here.

Bringing Sexy Back with a New Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Belly, Breasts, Butt, Child Loss, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Third Pregnancy 10 Comments

In high school, I was always a slender and athletic girl. At 6 feet tall, it was easy to put on 5 or 10 pounds without anyone noticing. I played a sport every season and enjoyed food.

When I went to college, I was the cliché: about 15 pounds, but lost it quickly, before my wedding. I got married after finishing my freshman year, to my high school boyfriend, and weighed 153 the day we got married. I was a size 10.

The summer before my senior year of college, we discovered that I was pregnant. It wasn’t what we had planned, but we adjusted and were very excited to meet our baby in the spring of 2004. I put on 61 pounds, including 12 pounds in the last week of the pregnancy. My body was so swollen and puffy.

My daughter was born 9 days before her due date and weighed 10 pounds and was 21 inches long. Within two days of delivering her, I could see my ankle bones again and was down 25 pounds.

Luckily, I enjoy walking and other forms of exercise, so I was able to continue losing most of the remaining weight in a healthful way. The stretch marks (which were so shocking at the beginning) faded to a silvery pink and don’t really bother me much.

We conceived our second child in June 2005. I had put on 50 pounds by my 35 week of pregnancy when I stopped feeling the baby move. We went in for a routine appointment to discover that our daughter had died. I delivered her two days later, in February 2006.

It was hard for so many reasons, but one of the least expected problems I experienced was coping with the post-pregnancy body without a baby to show for it. I wanted to scream, “This is baby fat–I just had a baby, but she’s dead!”

Support of friends, a precious husband, and a healthy workout pattern at the local Y helped me through those early weeks, and I lost 40 of the 50 pounds I had gained before embarking on our third pregnancy in April 2006.

We were blessed with a beautiful baby in December 2006, just 10 1/2 months after our second baby was stillborn. I was pregnant or breastfeeding 57 out of 59 months (through May of this year). My body was hardly mine!

Since then, I have been relishing the freedom to appreciate and use my body for myself instead of always setting aside my own needs for my children’s. I adore them, passionately and without reservations. But I am glad to have my body back, even though it’s not the one I started out with on this journey.

I currently fluctuate between a size 12 and 14, and weigh about 180 pounds. I work out 4-6 times per week, and will be running my first post-baby 5K later this fall.

Since having babies (all girls), I am more committed to appreciating the myriad ways our bodies are formed. The love handles, stretch marks, baby apron, and mis-matched breasts have their own beauty and give me a feeling of accomplishment.

I revel in the beauty I see on this site and all around me, and hope that our daughters (and their partners) will have an easier time of loving the female form than we have.