Before Pregnancy

Big Tee & Little Tee (Tee)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 12 Comments

Age: 26
Pregnancies/births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
Age of child: 5

I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant and I was scared to death. I was a junior in college, my boyfriend (now husband) was stationed in another state and neither of us knew anything about babies. We had tons of support from our family and without them I can’t imagine what kind of shape we’d have been in. I was about 115 when I got pregnant and gained 65 pounds during the pregnancy. My mom told me not to worry about it “you’re young-you’ll bounce right back!” After 19 hours of labor, a swift bikini cut and a few stitches, we met our brand new 10 pound baby. Everyone was impressed that itty bitty me birthed such a huge baby, I was just glad it was over. Between trying to finish school during the day, going to work in the afternoon and sometimes going back to school in the evening, going home and spending time with my daughter and studying for the next test (husband by now came home as often as he could but got deployed to Iraq when she was 8 months) weight took a back seat. It was a fleeting thought from time to time but I had an already full plate. By her first birthday (and my college graduation which happened to be on the same day), I had dropped most of the baby weight and my stomach went down but it wasn’t flat. Soon after, I started trying everything-diets, exercise, pure starvation-no matter what I did, I could not lose this pooch. I kept thinking I’d never get into a bikini again. My husband has never been anything less than amazing when it comes to my body and in fact, prefers the softer curvier me. I love everything else about my body so I never let it totally overtake me but the stomach was an issue. I’d still wear bikinis, but I’d just put a shirt over it or something to hide it.

I thought I wasn’t making a big deal of it and then my daughter (then 3) asked me one day why I was wearing a shirt in the pool. I said “it’s what mommy’s do” and she pointed out about 4 or 5 other women at the pool who didn’t have on shirts and said “they’re mommy’s too and they don’t have on shirts”. So I took off my shirt to appease her-she was delighted of course but my insides were screaming and I was mortified. But I felt I had to keep on a brave front because I definitely didn’t want her to pick up on it or worse-develop an unhealthy body image of herself. I’m not sure what I thought was going to happen (the world would come to an abrupt halt maybe? Who knows) but absolutely NOTHING happened. And it was in that moment that I realized I was being ridiculous. Ok, the stomach’s not flat and there are plenty of stretch marks but you know what? I had a freaking 10 lb baby. She’s healthy, happy and the love of my life. I don’t diet, I don’t take pills, I do exercise but only because I sit down at work all day and it breaks up the monotony for me. My husband adores me and we have an absolutely wonderful family. I’m blessed and couldn’t ask for much more. And when I’m at the beach or pool-I’m in my bikini, running around playing with my happy and healthy daughter-jelly belly and all. It won’t consume you if you don’t let it.

I’m attaching pics

Pre-pregnancy (blurry but you get the idea), day of delivery, today and Big Tee & Little Tee

Irelynd

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Mothers with Health Complications, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions, Tattoo 28 Comments

Irelynd
Age: 22
Number of Pregnancies’
Age of Irelynd: 5 weeks 2 days

I was 21 when I got pregnant with Irelynd, at first I cried I was told I couldn’t get pregnant since I have some genetic diseases that made it near impossible to carry a child. My mom wanted me to get an abortion since I am in my last year of college, to which I thought about doing, but I couldn’t figure out why God gave me this child if I was told I couldn’t get pregnant so I decided to have her. Needless to say the pregnancy was very hard, I had debiliateing migraines everyday for three months, I mean I lost my vision my ability to speak threw up all the time was in a dark room for three months it was terrible. I did not gain any weight until I was 5 month pregnant I thought that since it was so far in I would not gain much weight. I was WRONG I started off 118, and a week before I had her I was 171.

I have been a gymnast since I could walk and working out and eating healthy was a major part of my life. I worked out everyday of my pregnancy, even with the migraines I still worked out in my room since I felt worse to not work out. I grew up in a gym, homeschooled with other gymnast we had weigh ins I was an elite gymnast so weight and body image is something I have always struggled with. I was so scared to gain weight scared to get fat, scared that I would go back to high school cutting if I got fat. Just afraid that I would become depressed because I would hate myself. Well I didn’t cut ( go me), but I did become depressed, I hated mirrors and still do, pictures are even worse and make me feel HUGE. My husband has told me from day one how beautiful I am, how attractive I am but how could I be when I was huge and still feel huge.

I also was so afraid to get stretch marks, My sister had a baby and gained 87 pounds she has stretch marks from head to toe and I dredged that. Needless to say I used stretch mark preventative lotion about 10-12 times a day to prevent them. I didn’t, I have them on my hips, my thighs, my butt, boobs, stomach, and inner thighs. I cried, I know there is nothing I can do but I did so much to not get them. I mean I worked out everyday. I was the fat pregnant person that everyone stared at when I went to the gym specially since I’m in college so they are all college kids. I lotion all the time, drank nothing but water. I tried to watch my weight gain since I have Celiac I’m allergic to most foods that could even make me gain weight. But I did.

Then that day came Irelynd was born Jan 31 2010, she was tiny only 6 pounds 15. ounces cute as a button and I fell in love. I love being a mom, I love her like I have never loved anyone before. But I hate my body, I hate that I can’t get it back. Despite what I was told or heard I started working out 3 days after I had her, I’m not good at taking a break. ( I had to go take a test for a class when I left the hospital after having her) I have been working out none stop for weeks and have only lost 32 pounds, which may seem like a lot but I lost that in two weeks and have been stuck at the number. I hate my stretch marks, I hate that my beautiful boobs have now a tear drop look. I’m self conscious when I have sex, specially when I’m on top because my boobs look so gross. Speaking of boobs, I wore a bra everyday all day even at night through my pregnancy to not get a sag, and they did. My husband thinks I’m attractive and tells me all the time but I have the hardest time believing him. I can’t imagine how he could be attracted to me. I’m one of five girls all who look like I did pre pregnancy and are beautiful and I’m still Huge. I know that my daughter is worth it and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I just can’t wait to get back to normal. And I know you may be thinking your nuts you look fine but since I was a gymnast fine isn’t okay, I have to look fantastic. Specially since I still coach gymnastics and have lost all my athletic shape, my ability to do anything above a level 6 which is sad. I want to be thin again, I want to look muscular again.

Sorry I don’t mean to rant but I just need to get it off my chest because I don’t feel like anyone understands and it is great to know that there are other women out there that feel the same way as me.

Picture 1. Before pregnancy (I know my boobs are hanging out but I just won a 1000$ bikini contest)
Picture 2. Forty weeks prego
Picture 3. Hours after having Irelynd
Picture 4. Four weeks P.P
Picture 5. Four weeks P.P

It helps to know I’m not the only one (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Postpartum, Submissions 7 Comments

I will never ever get “my” body back. If I had the money to get a tummy tuck, I’d do it in a heartbeat! My stomach is the thing I’m most self concious of, but I have plenty of stretch marks all over my breasts, thighs and butt too. I’m 5’2” and currently weigh 134, but even when I’m at 120 (my pre-pregnancy weight) my body STILL doesn’t look the same as before. I know I’m not “fat” perse (although sometimes I feel it), but it bothers me when my friends tell me I look great. I feel like lifting up my shirt and telling them “Really?? Does THIS look great?!”…But I don’t. I’ve never shown ANYONE my belly P.P. except for my husband. Not my best friends (who are super curious), or even my mother. I think the thing I miss most is my belly button! It seriously looks like a…butthole or something now. What happened to my cute tiny circle? I am jealous of the mothers who can have a kid and then go back to looking like nothing ever happened. Why wasn’t I that lucky??

The first picture is a glimpse of what I looked like before baby.

The other pictures are from today March 2010. How in the world can my husband be attracted to THIS??

My body has definitely changed for the worse but my little girl was worth it! (Sienna)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

Age: 22
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 Pregnancy, 1 Birth
I am 8 weeks postpartum

I became pregnant when I was 21 after only 1 month of trying and was absolutely delighted! I loved my body just before getting pregnant – I had just lost a bit of weight and was feeling very confident!
I loved seeing my body change as my belly got bigger. I wanted to have the biggest pregnancy bump around lol. I loved wearing tight fitting clothing to show my bump off and loved hearing people tell me how huge I was looking. I just thought that everything would go back the was it was after I had my baby – I was quite naive in that way.

My boobs got bigger by a whole cup size and by 34 weeks I hadnt developed any stretchmarks so I was very pleased. I did used bio oil and palma’s coco butter for my whole pregnancy. Then a couple of days later I noticed a little mark on the side of my hip and knew it was the beginnings of stretchmarks. By the end of my pregnancy the stretchmarks were pretty bad and although I know they will fade they will never completely disappear but the way I look at it is that the are a reminder of my beautiful little girl and my partner says I am still beautiful and should be proud of them so I feel very lucky that way – it is hard to feel that way all the time though, I do feel sad when I look back at pre-pregnancy pictures of my stomach.
I gave birth to my gorgeous daughter after a very traumatic labour and my belly looked dreadful straight after. It was very saggy but I knew that it would be so I wasnt really that bothered. I had to have an emergceny focept delivery and an episiotomy so I couldnt walk for about a week and was very uncomfortable. I have a very large scar from the episotomy. I breast fed and my belly went down suprisingly quick. My boobs were huge because they were full of milk and I loved them! But I only breast fed for about 3 weeks and after my milk went away I am now left with even smaller boobs that I had before being pregnant (I was originally a small B) and on top of that they are very squidgy and droopy and have stretchmarks on – they are just not very nice – I would love a boob job but my partner says he does not want me to get one though I am quite self concious about them, I dont really like him to touch them now because they are so squashy.

I also have stretchmarks on my bum and legs though I did not gain any extra weight during pregnancy (besides the bump) so I was quite annoyed about that. I havent really done much exercise but my belly has gone down alot so I am quite happy with that but it is still very squidgy and hangs over my jeans a little which I hate, muffin top! So I am still wearing leggings as they are alot more comfortable. I am 8 weeks post pregnancy now so I hope my belly will eventually return to normal, although my belly button is alot bigger and stretched more like a hole now when before it was a cute little thing haha.

Anyway, I am unhappy that my body is definatly not what it was, however my little girl was worth it and I’m not going to let pictures of celebs get me down, they are airbrushed, no way could they loose all that weight and look so good so soon! So I am just going to continue trying to eat healthy and do some more situps and not get too down about it – the thing I would say upsets me most is my boobs but only my partner sees them and he says he still loves them so I try now to worry about it too much.
I have a beautiful little girl and I think my body shows the stregnth of a women and what she goes though to bring life into the world :)

Below is pictures of my stomach before, during and after pregnancy from the side and front and also a picture of my beautiful little girl.

Learning to Love My New Body (Anonymous)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 9 Comments

I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant and had my first baby. I wasn’t too happy when I found out because it was unplanned. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and he is a great father. I have such a hard time accepting my new body. It is basically one giant stretch mark. I have tried everything so far. I’ve had 2 laser treatments, nothing, cocoa butter, nothing. I would do anything to get them away! I hate my saggy skin. I just wish I could have my old body back. 4 close friends of mine that have babies all have no stretch marks! it makes me blame myself for not getting top of the line cocoa butter or oils. I love my son more then anything! I really hope they go away. As far as the excess fat I know I can for the most part control by exercising. I gained 65 pounds and have lost 45 so far and am 16 weeks post pardum. It is my first baby and because of how much damage this has done to my body it has questioned me if i want to have another baby. If you have any advice for the stretch marks, please help! I would do anything to make them go away! I love this website and almost every post has brought a tear to my eye! please help me, I really need the support!

1st picture-7 months pregnant
2nd picture-8 months pregnant
3rd picture- day i went to deliver
4th picture- 3 weeks post pardum
5th picture- now (16 weeks pp)
6th picture- now
7th picture- now
8th picture- now
9th picture- now
10th picture- now
11th picture- now
12th picture- now
13th picture- now
14th picture- my son
15th picture-me before

My Story (Holly)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 8 Comments

My name is Holly. I am 25 years old and have one daughter, a two year old named Lillian. She was an unplanned pregnancy, conceived at what I used to think was the peak of my physical beauty. I was 23, single, and a dancer with perfect abs, lol. My whole life I have been told I was pretty, but too skinny. People would always ask me if I ever ate, if I did drugs or would tease me about not having any hips and how much more womanly they were than me because I had a small ass. All of this ridicule took its toll on me and I began to think I’d never really truely look like a woman, but always like a shapeless little girl. Fast forward to when I was pregnant, I gained almost 60 lbs with Lillian. 60 lbs on a 107lb, 5 foot 2 inch girl will shake things up a bit!! I LOVED being pregnant! I had an ass!! The weight that I had tried my whole life to put on, just came so easily and gave me the curves I had never dared to even dream I’d have someday. The weight I gained with Lilly came off easily enough, leaving with it an extra 10lbs and a spider web of stretch marks encircling my belly button, which also had now a strange little indent above it. I tried going back to go-go dancing, people would always look at me just a little funny when then light would hit me just right, and my old places of employment replaced me with younger, skinnier and more tonned young girls. I was livid to say the least! I became to loath my new body. I felt betrayed. How dare it give me the curves I thought I had always needed but take away my flawless skin! I hid my tummy from the world and refused to even don my usual swimsuit during the summer, saying I no longer liked to swim. This attitude continued really until tonight. I was looking through all of the photos on this site and it made me go back and compare photos I have of before and after I had my daughter. I had never dared do this before, and I was honestly shocked. I don’t really look different at all! And I really do like the way I look now better. The old me looked uncomfortable in her skin, the new me looks like I don’t really care. I think somewhere along the way in my hiding from the world I stopped caring. When I was no longer up on display I found more important things in my life, like the fiance who recently told me he thinks I look cute with a little more chub, or the daughter who tells my belly button she loves it after giving it kisses, lol. I don’t know if my grass isn’t always greener on the other side attitude towards my body will always stay now, but I do feel that I should be kinder on myself now, and appreciate what I do have. I have a healthy body that hides where my true beauty lies, in my soul and not in my skin.

Pictures I have are of before I was pregnant, seven months pregnant, and 18 months after baby- the first time I dared to go out in a bikini! I also added my tummy today standing up and sitting down.

Blessing and A Curse (Paige)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Breasts, Postpartum, Pregnant, Second Pregnancy, Submissions 14 Comments

My whole life I was in sports. I started gymnastics at 3 years old and didnt stop until I went away to college. I started running track and playing football in the 7th grade and continued until college. While in college I modeled. I was 20 when I became pregnant with my first child by the time she arrived I was 21. For some reason most women have nice round bellies while mine was more of a bullet shape (with both of my girls). After the first baby I lost some of the waist but realized I would neevr be the same ever again. I went to consultations to see how much a breast lift and implants would cost and a tummy tuck. I was informed by a doctor that due to havin such a large baby and carrying past 40 weeks destroyed my muscles. After months of working out I tried to get back into modeling but realized the stomach would never be the same. But after some time I accepted the body I was given. When my first child was 8 months old me and my husband discovered we were going to have another baby. So here we go again but this time 39 weeks 4 days and baby number 2 arrived June 2009. Now with the second child I gained 50 lbs. with my second baby and have not been able to get rid of it. I have dieted exercised but nothing is working. After growing up I relaized that I dont want to die on an operating table somewhere just because I was vain. So now I’m left with this body I hate but I’m also stuck woth two cute wonderful girls who I just cant get enough of!!! This negative image of myself is taking it’s toll I try to be positive but I have pictures of what I looked like only 3 years ago and its hard not to be depressed. I went from a size 1 in jr’s clothes to a size 14 in womens. Not to mention my breasts feel like hollowed out ziploc bags of pudding (sad but true), stretch mark on the back of my legs (back of the knees i didnt even know it was possible to get stretchmarks there), where pubic hair grows (even that got stretch marks!) and a double chin. Now I love my husband and my girls with all my heart but he thinks we should try again to see if we can get a boy. I’m like are you serious?!?! Although I would love a boy I just dont think I can go through with it and get more weight. A 23 year old body should not look like this! Thanks for listening to the rant of a crazy lady :)

~Age: 23
~Number of pregnancies and births: 2 pregnancies 2 births
~The age of your children, or how far postpartum you are: 2 years old Madison Michelle and 8 month old Mackenzie Rose

I’m a Bowl of Mixed Nuts! (April)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Pregnant, Submissions 15 Comments

~Age: 20
~Number of pregnancies and births: currently preggo

Hi mommies & soon to be mommies!

My name is April, I am at 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant at this moment. Im posting on this site to share my thoughts and feelings and hopefully get some good feed backs thatll help cheer me up. I got married to my husband at 19, and am now preggo at 20 and will be giving birth at 20 :)

This pregnancy wasnt at all planned, and i must say i wasnt ready for it either. I am scared, anxious, excited, sad… depressed… im like a bowl of mixed nuts right now. I’m feelin’ all sorts of things that sometimes i wonder if im literally goin crazy!

I cant really talk to my mom about “body issues” coz she tells me thesame thing over and over again
she says — “i dint care about stretchmarks or how my belly would look while i was pregnant with you and your siblings, what mattered to me most was a healthy pregnancy and healthy babies! … how you look or will look shudnt be your main concern before after or during pregnancy, or in life!. etc blablabla” — I cried for a week and a half when my stretchmarks started showing, it was more for the fear of not being beautiful in my husbands eyes anymore (specially since there are a lotta girls who flirt around with him… it scares me that he might leave me for some1 who has a better lookin belly)… and i guess i cried coz i know that my body will never be thesame again, im scared of how bad it will look after i give birth.

My stretch marks started showing when i was 34.5 weeks into pregnancy, after i cried things out, i got over it a lil bit and sloaly accepted that i have stretchmarks. I agree with my mom that it shudnt be my main concern but there are still days when i look at my belly and feel bad about it. Today is one of those days coz i noticed that my stretchmarks had gotten much darker compared to the last couple of weeks, i thought they only get darker after giving birth? why is mine getting darker right now?.. hopefully one of you who is reading this has the same skin tone as me.

Along with the whole stretchmark issue its almost my due date (3/17/2010) and i still dont have signs… i get cramping feelings once in a while, but i dont have contractions.. etc. .. my EDD is soo close yet it feels like i’ll be pregnant forever!… i wanna see signs that ill give birth soon… at least exactly on my due date or a day or 2 after due date. my husbands in the army so im really hoping that by the time he comes home for his paternity leave our baby will come out… the army is only giving him 15 days! … he’ll be comin home on march 15. I am freaking out at the fact that we dont reli know when ill be having the baby…. thus making me feel worst coz i really want my hubby around during delivery!… aaaaaaaahhhhh

Anyhow ill be posting again after i give birth. as of now here are some pics.

first four pics are my pre-pregnancy body.
next two is my pregnanct belly at 6 months, with no stretch marks!
next two is me at 36.5 weeks

the rest are stretchmark photos:
first 2 stretchmark pics were taken on my 34th week. i oiled it up for the pic so i can see the stretchmarks clearly. my right side is worst than my left
next 3 stretchmark pics were taken on my 35th week. no oil
the last pics were taken on my 37th week. as you can see they got darker! is that normal??? i thought it only gets dark after delivery :( caucasians are soo lucky coz their stretchmarks look better.

New Baby, Same Body (Kyra)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 11 Comments

Age: 27
Months Postpartum: 5

I’ve been planning on this post for over a year. I visited this site frequently, before, during and after my pregnancy. I love reading all your stories. There is something I can relate to in each one. I think us women should remember that we are more alike than we are different. So I am honored to be able to share my baby/mommy story with others.

My husband and I became pregnant with our first daughter in November 2008. Naturally, it was one of the best days of my life. The first 14 weeks were a real nail-biter because I had had a miscarriage July 2008 at 12 weeks. During the first trimester I had daily ‘afternoon’ sickness. I’d have to veer my Jeep off the road coming home from work, swing open the door and, well, you know! Needless to say, I actually lost a few pounds. When that passed, I ate ravenously for the next 6 weeks or so and gained 20 pounds stat. My weight gain, and appetite stabilized for the remainder of my pregnancy and I gained about 1lb a week until the last three weeks when I gained nothing. The total was 35lbs on my 5’4″ frame.

I didn’t try to control anything during my pregnancy. I decided to let my body dictate what it wanted. I ate when I was hungry and went out for a walk when I felt like it (which was not very often :-). There was no exercise or nutrition regime. I tend to eat healthier anyways though I still indulged my cravings for Ben and Jerry’s and Cheetos. Two words to describe my pregnancy : sick and tired.

My sweet baby girl was born after 7.5 hours of labor. I labored for 5 hours at home and by the time we got to the hospital I was 10cm and ready to go. Trust me, that wasn’t planned. I didn’t expect my first pregnancy to progress that fast. I thought I had a good 14-16 hours or so! The nurses were debating having me deliver in triage. But my husband made them wheel me to a suite, which was a good thing because I spent the next 2 hours pushing. No progress! And NO medication! Mercifully, the attending doctor gave me the option of a forceps delivery which I readily accepted. When her head crowned, it was the most intense pain I have ever felt! No wonder they call it the ‘ring of fire’ :-) But it WAS kind of spiritual in a way and I’m glad it was there. A few minutes later my beautiful baby daughter Anna was born at 5lbs 15oz. I was on a ‘baby high’ for the next few weeks I was so happy! I honestly didn’t even get the baby blues.

I never got her to latch on without a nipple shield (&other reasons) so an Ameda double pump was my best friend for the next 3 months. I had to use nipple pads from the 4th month of pregnancy until I stopped breast feeding – leaking sucked. By the way, my breasts are not as perky as the sports bra in my ‘after’ picture makes them seem. I wish. That’s my biggest post-pregnancy body change.

At 3 months, after I switched to formula, I lost another 10lbs. Also around that time I began to lose my hair at a pretty alarming rate. I do have super long hair which is probably why it seemed so bad. But it has recently begun to taper off. Phew!

I love my daughter sooooo much! I never gave her a pacifier so she sucks on her ring&middle finger to soothe herself. She started sleeping through the night from 7pm-7am around 3 months and is eating 1st foods. I am so proud of her! I give her baths in the tub with me and she’d rather play with her shampoo bottle and the silver tub hardware, than her toys. She is such a joy! We definitely plan to have another child in a few years – I’ll keep you updated!

The 1st and 2nd pictures were taken at my 6th week, when I found out I was pregnant: 110 lbs, C-cup
The 3rd and 4th pictures were taken at my 38th week, a few days before I gave birth. You can really see the weight on my face and my wedding rings didn’t fit so they are around my neck: 145 lbs, D-cup
The 5th and 6th pictures were taken 1/29/2010, about 5 months postpartum: 105 lbs, small C-cup
The 7th and 8th pictures were taken when my daughter was 3 months old.

A Belly I Don’t Know (Shaunda)

Bonnie (SOAM) Before Pregnancy, Belly, Cesarean, First Pregnancy, Postpartum, Pregnant, Submissions 15 Comments

Age: 27
Number of pregnancies and births: 1 pregnancy, 1 birth
Age of my child: 17 weeks (4 months, 1 week)

I have always wanted to post something on this amazing site, but just never had the courage. I looked at this site religiously throughout my entire pregnancy, knowing that I would have a hard time coping with my post-pregancy body. So, now I’ve decided to share my story, in hopes that someone can relate to me or offer any input.

I found out I was pregnant on January 14th, 2009. I had always wanted children (as I am the 1st of 8 and love being around kids). So, I absolutely enjoyed my entire pregnancy! At 8 weeks pregnant, I was diagnosed with a subchorionic hemmorage and put on bedrest for 3 weeks. I was absolutely terrified that I would lose my daughter and was, needless to say, ecstatic to find out that the blood clot literally thinned out and disappeared while I was on bedrest.

On September 16th, 2009 at 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant I went into labor. It was so crazy because I was obsessed with being pregant and even more so about being able to survive the pain of labor. But when I actually went into labor, I had no idea that was what was happening. I thought I just had gas or something:)!. When I got to the hospital i was already 7 centimeters dialated. But an hour later, my daughter’s heart rate was dropping and I ended up having an unwanted c-section. My beautiful baby girl was born at 6:35am at 8lbs, 4oz.!!

Today my baby is 4 months old and absolutely the best thing that has ever happended to me. I literally did not know love until I held her in my arms! There is nothing like it–she is my everything!! The only thing is I am slowly becoming sad and unaccepting of my new body. I was always a really skinnny person. Before I was pregnant, I weighed about 127 lbs. I gained 42 lbs throughout my pregnancy and weighed in at 169 the day she was born. Throughout the pregnancy, I was excited about gaining weight, just knowing there was a little person in me growing! But now that she is here, I want my old stomach back. I now weigh 145 lbs and my stomach is so foreign to me. Everyone at work keeps saying, “you don’t even look like you had a child”. I just smile and say to myself, “that’s just cause I’m hiding behind these clothes and sucking it in every now and then”. What’s wrong with me? I’m not fat, but I can only explain it by saying that when you are small for 27 years and all of a sudden you have fat hanging over your jeans, you go from a size 3/4 to 7 or 9 (depending), it’s hard to get used to it.

I love my daugther so much and would do my whole pregnancy over 1 million times if I had to. But if I could just flatten this tummy, I would be happier. I don’t mind the weight, but I got very little stretch marks on my belly (more on my thighs) and want to get into a bikini again, but not with this belly! I hope it will get better with time; I want to run/workout, but I don’t know where to start since I never had to?? I have a ton of clothes and can’t fit any of them, so each time I reach for a shirt or pants to put on and have to take it off cause something’s hanging over or poking out, I get pissed and frustrated. Hopefully this will get better. Holding and playing with my daughter makes it feel better, though. Thanks for listening to my story. All you mothers out there are truly beautiful, strong, and inspiring.

Picture#1: Me pre-pregnancy
Picture #2: Me 8 months pregnant
Picture #3: My beautiful daughter (Shaila)
Picture #4 and #5: My stomach now at 4 months postpartum