Activism

Why this weekend’s terrible events pertain directly to SOAM

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, My Own Ramblings, News 0 Comment
Check out repealhydeartproject.org for more information the Hyde Amendment.
Check out repealhydeartproject.org for more information the Hyde Amendment.

I stumbled across this picture the other day on Facebook and shared it there, but I wanted to share it here, too. SOAM is inherently a feminist website, which makes it a political website, but I sometimes hesitate to get too overtly political here because so many of the women here hold such varying views and SOAM is for all women and I want no one to feel alienated. My intentions are true, but my action to uphold them has been erroneous. The political climate of the past year, and particularly since the US election last November has been becoming increasingly hostile to women and minorities. If SOAM is about creating a space to openly love the postpartum body, that is feminist. And feminism is not truly feminism unless it acknowledges and embraces intersectionality. (Here is a good explanation of intersectionality if you want a primer. I acknowledge that Laci Green has taken a turn for the strange in recent months, but this video remains excellent.)

I can’t not at least refer to the events of this past weekend here in the US, but I want to say more than just that I denounce the actions and opinions of the AltRight, of these American Nazi Terrorists. This image gave me the words I need to say.

SOAM is, as a feminist website, as an organization for women, a direct supporter of the Black Lives Matter movement. SOAM directly supports the Jewish population of the US. SOAM directly supports the LGBTQ community. Within this umbrella of intersectionality, of reproductive justice, SOAM is directly tied to all these groups.

Reproductive justice is not merely reproductive rights; it is a far more vast concept. Reproductive rights include the right to a safe abortion, the right to birth control, and the right to preventative healthcare for women’s bodies, but reproductive rights end there. Reproductive justice encompasses all that and so, so much more. Reproductive justice includes welfare and healthcare for children born too poor mothers. It includes justice for children born to mothers or fathers in prisons, and it includes the rights of those mothers to give birth in a safe and sane environment. It includes environmental justice because children have the right to grow up in a place with access to clean water (looking at you, Flint, MI) or a nontoxic environment. It includes BLM and other movements to protect minorities because a child should have a right to grow up. Period.

SOAM is inherently a feminist website and therefore the events of this past weekend are directly related to SOAM. Our focus is and always will be on the postpartum body, but after a tragic event like this I am here to tell the world that we love you and we support you and we stand with you. I went out Sunday night to my local vigil held for Heather Heyer, Lieutenant H. Jay Cullen, and Trooper Berke M.M. Bates and the most powerful message I took away was that there are far more of us (workers for equality and love) than there are of them (Nazis). We will win.

Mamas and papas, love your communities. I stand with you in love.

I’m #redefiningsupermom – Are You?

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, My Own Ramblings, News, Redefining Supermom 0 Comment

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Moms have so much pressure on them to be perfect all the time and I’m so done with that. I’m done trying to meet these unspoken standards. I’m done trying to fight the double standards. I’m just done. I’m taking back imperfect. Imperfect bodies, imperfect parenting, imperfect lives. That’s what we need to strive for. That’s what we demand that society accepts. The current idea of a “supermom” is no longer adequate. I propose that we redefine it to embrace imperfections in every area of our lives.

We seem to have created this idea that we need to be the perfect mom by having all-natural births, breastfeeding 100%, feeding only organic homemade baby food, being 100% patient 100% of the time, and planning elaborate theme birthday parties and doing them all ourselves. But that’s not enough- we also have to be professionals and thin and smooth and young forever and always 100% put together. We have to be assertive but not so much so that we’re bitchy. We have to be professionals but not so much so that we aren’t “good” mothers but we also have to be good mothers but not so much so that we aren’t professionals. We can’t win.

I’m going to be totally honest here. Taking this picture was difficult. Posting it was difficult. I am not feeling my cutest lately. BUT THAT IS EXACTLY THE POINT, isn’t it? I am fine just as I am. I am imperfect and that is beautiful. I am REAL and that is beautiful. I am #redefiningsupermom Besides, the entire point of SOAM is that we come together in our insecurities to see how normal we really are. So here I am, perfectly imperfect. Will you stand with me?

Participate!
Show me your imperfect. Your imperfect body, your imperfect house, your imperfect kids, or parenting, or work. Throw on a cape, or a blanket, or a towel (or skip the cape altogether). Just snap a pic of a messy kitchen, or bedhead, or a belly full of stretch marks. It’s all perfectly imperfect! Share it on social media with the tag #redefiningsupermom and together let’s, well, let’s redefine “supermom”.

In a few weeks, I’ll be having a gathering in San Diego where we’ll take a big group photo of our super selves. More to come on that soon, stay tuned! Join our mailing list (link above) to receive updates in your inbox.

You can read more at the link above or by clicking here.

I stand with Planned Parenthood

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, News 1 Comment
(image via Huffington Post)
(image via Huffington Post)

I have used Planned Parenthood for yearly exams, for health issues, and for antibiotics when I’ve had a UTI. When I didn’t have insurance, this was my only choice and I am SO GLAD that not only was I able to go there for my health care, but also that I have never experienced harassment while visiting one of these clinics (let alone violence like we saw today).

I know a lot of my readers at SOAM are not in favor of abortions, but I am here to say very clearly that I support ALL mamas, no matter what your history. If you’ve used PP for birth control or an abortion or nothing at all I support you. If you’ve chosen not to have children, or if you are a trans man who has had children I support you.

This kind of violence is disgusting and makes me want to cry.

On Facebook and their community standards – Trigger Warning, y’all

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, My Own Ramblings, News , , , , 4 Comments

OH FACEBOOK, YOU CRAZY WEBSITE, YOU.

(FYI, trigger warning for sexually inappropriate comments.)

fbtos1

So this woman has been the subject of controversy. Internet commenters (a.k.a. assholes) have accused her of lying, so she bared her stomach for all and showed the world the extra skin she has left from the weight she lost.

I applaud the fact that she had a desire, set a goal, acted on it, and was brave enough to stand up to bullies by exposing herself even further to internet trolls. Thank you, Simone. (Although I feel like I have to add that I don’t condone that rate of weight loss. I am NOT debating or questioning her actions – I don’t know her health history – I AM saying that it is an extreme action that should not be taken without careful consideration and medical attention.) She is an inspiration to women in that she is fighting back against body judgers in the most intimate way, just like we do here at SOAM. <3 But I'm not even really here to write about her. I'm here to write about Facebook's community standards. You know how they're always banning pictures of nursing moms but are totes okay with sexy bikini pics? So today I broke my cardinal rule of Never Reading Internet Comments (except the ones here, of course because you guys are amazing and supportive) and I came across this one: fbtos2

Ugh. It makes me sick to my stomach. (To “fap”, if you don’t know, is to masturbate to photos online.) Not only does this comment attempt to push the female body back into an archaic place of existing only for the pleasure of men, but I find it rather emotionally violent. And so I reported it. I was torn as to how to label it since general “harassment” wasn’t an option. It doesn’t directly humiliate me or someone I know, and it’s not exactly pornography. Maybe I should have picked “something else” but I went with porn based on Facebook’s own example of “sexual arousal”. This commenter was talking about his sexual arousal (or lack thereof) in regards to this photograph, no?

fbtos3

But Facebook replied thusly:

fbtos4

I don’t know what the best way to address this is. Do you think this should fall under Facebook’s current community standards, or do you think they should be adjusted to protect women from this kind of thing?

Either way, do me a favor and click here and report this picture, okay? And the other picture(s) like it in that thread. DO NOT comment on them because god knows we should never feed the internet trolls. But let’s stand together and let Facebook know this isn’t okay.

Get Cliterate!

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, Anatomy, My Own Ramblings, News , 0 Comment

moon

YOU GUYS. YOU GUYS. YOU. GUYS.

Or ladies. OR BOTH!

The Huffington Post has this AMAZING piece on the clitoris complete with the history of our knowledge of it, the anatomy of it, and the political aspect of it. Like. Seriously. You need to read this. And then you need to tell all your friends to read this.

Last night I went to see the Kids in the Hall perform live here in town and Dave Foley did a monologue that began with a statement about the assumption that weight loss is always a good thing (”I’ve just lost 25 pounds. *waits for applause to die down* Could be cancer!”) and ended with him describing a literal river of menstrual blood because he’s “a guy who’s comfortable with menstruation” and if he wasn’t already my hero, HE IS NOW.

Also he was very polite when my friend saw him walking in front of the theatre before the show and grabbed him and spun him around to be in a picture with him. HERO.
Also he was very polite when my friend saw him walking in front of the theatre before the show and grabbed him and spun him around to be in a picture with him. HERO.

I’m writing that bit partly because I’m still high from the evening, but also because GUYS SHOULD BE COOL WITH MENSTRUATION AND ALSO CLITS. And, honestly, so should most women.

So go read this and pass it on. BECOME CLITERATE!

A young girl needs your help to save her life.

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, Eating Disorder, My Own Ramblings, News 1 Comment

SOAM is here to help us learn how to love ourselves. Our focus here is body image after pregnancy, and we have had many mamas here talk about struggling with eating disorders. We try to learn how to love ourselves not only for ourselves, but so we can be living examples for the next generation. So when I read this story, about a family I know of through my local community of mamas, it hit close to my heart.

We have this chance right now to help one girl survive and, someday, to thrive. But if we can help her to live and to beat this disease, we will have made a difference in the world.

Please, take a moment to read her story and to donate something to help save her life. Do it for your daughters, for yourself, for all women who struggle with eating disorders on any scale.

End SOPA and PIPA

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, News 0 Comment

Today many websites are going black in protest of two bills currently before Congress. To protect our free access to information, I ask that you take a moment to go to Google and sign your name to this. You can also go to Wikipedia, which has shut down nearly all of its informational pages (give it a second), and enter your zip code to find your local representatives and links to comment forms in which to voice your opinion directly to them.

Two pages Wikipedia has left open? SOPA and PIPA.

Lets keep our free access to information in our hands, not the hands of major corporations. It only takes a moment to let your voice be heard.

Thank you.

Flawz

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, Body Image, News, Positive Body Image/Words of Enouragement 15 Comments

I posted this over at Facebook the other night, but haven’t had the time to share it here yet. It is fabulous. I have long noticed that it is those interesting bits – what a person might refer to as his or her flaws – which I find the most beauty in. A large nose, a crooked smile, too-small breasts… I grieve for Ashlee Simpson’s old nose – I found it beautiful and now I can’t pick her out of a lineup of Hollywood Look-Alikes.

Nobody should look like a paper doll copy of every other so-called beautiful woman. Like those planned communities which mirror every other planned community in the US, women are also expected to have only one definition of beautiful. I prefer older neighborhoods, ones with character and uniqueness, regardless of what that looks like on an individual level. Straight nose, or crooked nose – they are all beautiful, and their diversity makes them MORE beautiful, not less so. A mother’s smooth belly, or a wrinkly one – they have all carried life and they are beautiful, symbolically and physically. The only ugly thing here is that we are made to feel like we aren’t good enough if we don’t fit a particular mold.

I’m embracing my flaws – my freckles (which I have always loved), my dimples (which I never have), my quarterback shoulders (which I’ve only recently become aware of), my weird square chin and those funny lines it has when I smile – I love these things because they are ME. Without them, I would not recognize myself. My flaws make me beautiful in my own way. What are your flaws?

Helping out Mamas in Need

Bonnie (SOAM) Activism, News 1 Comment

It is humbling to me to step outside of my own brain for a little while and see women who suffer in much more basic and devastating ways than I do. Mothers in Haiti right now are likely not very concerned about what their bellies look like or if they should save for a tummy tuck or not – they are trying to find places to live, clean water to drink, medical care for themselves or their families.

I believe we need to allow ourselves to be frustrated with the way our bodies look – to accept our feelings helps us work through them. But we should always be aware of the bigger picture – only the fact that we are well fed and clothed and have safe housing means we can look toward more superficial worries. We should take note of our blessings. And we should reach out and try to bless others.

Nature takes no notice when events like this occur – she sends mamas into labor with or without a trained birth partner nearby, she brings babies into this world without regard to clean drinking water for formula, or support for breastfeeding. I spent some time searching for and asking around about a charity we can give to to help out mothers like us dealing with the aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti and I came across Midwives for Haiti, which could not be a more perfect match. You can read more about them here and donate here.

According to their website:
$25 pays for the medications and equipment needed to perform a safe delivery in rural Haiti.
$50 pays for the prenatal care of two Haitian women or provides emergency transportation in a medical crisis.
$75 pays for the books and scrubs for one new midwifery student.
$100 pays for the scissors, clamps and needleholder for one midwife’s delivery kit.
$120 pays for a translator for one week.

Take a moment and donate anything you can, then share here that you did. I hope we can make a difference together in this terrible time.