Update – The Shape that Love Built (Amanda)

Original entry here.

Age: 24 (had a birthday since posting my last article lol)
Number of Births: 3
Ages of Children: 5 years old, 23 Months old, and 4 months old.

Hello again!! I just thought that I’d update on my post “The Shape That Love Built”. I still feel the way I did in that one. I really do. I look at myself in the mirror and see past the sagging breasts,flabby belly, chubby legs and dimpled bum… and say “helloooooooooo gorgeous!” I am updating for another reason… to let people know that I’ve been through a lot since I wrote that last post, I gave birth 2 days after submitting the article actually. My son was 9lbs even, my SMALLEST baby, the easiest birth, but the hardest to recover from. You see. Sometime during the birth… my right leg was paralyzed. It’s not permanent, and I CAN use it again, but it took 6 weeks for me to be able to walk unassisted (as in, without a walker, cane or wheelchair),
and its been about 6 or so weeks since I gained feeling and control back, and I still cant feel parts of my leg, or the bottom of my foot. My leg is incredibly weak now, and I need a brace to walk, otherwise my leg just folds up under its own weight. For a time, I thought and asked myself; why me? And a little while ago, I realized that the answer was sitting right here. It happened because it was supposed to. That’s the simple answer anyways. The longer answer is that it happened so that I can be the voice for other women and show them that yes… something terrible and physically happened to me during the birth of my son, but I still get out of bed every day, I still slide down the stairs on my bum like my toddler does, and I still make them
breakfast, pack my eldest’s lunch for school, and get lost in my youngest son’s smiling face. It happened because I am supposed to show women that they can do it too. That its ok to scream, cry, stamp your
feet in frustration, and grieve when something terrible happens. I am supposed to be their voice, and tell the people that made this happen to me that its not ok, that they stole my independence from me, and show them that its not ok to just sweep it under the rug or let them think that I’ve forgotten (believe me, I haven’t and I am reminded every time I can’t help my 5 year old practice for soccer, or race around the back yard with my toddler, or dance with my baby). I believe that I also have to tell other women that this has happened to… because they ARE out there, that even though one or both of your legs aren’t working for you the way you want them to, and you have a brace or a chair to help you walk… you are still beautiful and
perfect. My leg is swollen right now. I am not sure why, neither are the doctors who have been trying to figure it out. It dimples when someone presses on it, it has stretch marks, and its not “pretty” to look at… but that’s just a small part of the overall package. If its happened to you, I understand. Its hard to deal with, but we do what we have to. And that my friends is what makes us stronger than the strongest man, it makes us more beautiful than this year’s sexiest woman, and it makes us even better than we were before… why? Because we have to work harder for it to make things like going to get a cup of water, showering, and all those little things that people who don’t have to deal with the un-cooperative limbs take for granted. So, I
guess I’m saying that I believe that you are all still beautiful, strong, and wonderful people… and to never take your legs for granted. I also think that I needed to update for my own well-being. I needed to say out loud (or at least on a public site/board) that I’m ok, and that there are a lot worse cases out there. Its my own personal therapy. I guess… I needed to get it off of my chest. Its been a huge weight that I’ve had to bare for the past 4 months, and it feels really good to write this, and tell others my story, and to let them know… that it does get better because once you hit rock bottom, the only way to go after that is up.