When I was 12 I feel in love with a man, M. He was 18 and did not even know I was alive. But as I grew he finally took notice. When I was 15 he ask me on a date I was over the moon. While on this date his ex shows up and they ended up leaving together. That night changed my life forever. I met my husband who is 3 years older than me. J waited till I was 17 to ask me out and the night after I finished high school we made love for my first time. As a joke I told him he had to marry me and with a straight face said he had every plan to. We moved in together and for 6 weeks it was amazing. Then on 4/14/2000 my entire world crashed. A friend of his from high school knocked on our door and asked me out for lunch. I called J and ask if it was fine. Now I realize the tone of his voice it was not. But I was so tired of being home alone. After lunch S brought me back home and would not leave. I walked in the kitchen to get the phone which he breaks. I keep telling him please do not hurt J. He laughs and next thing I know I am naked laying on our sofa. As he rapes me I watch TV with Rosie O’Donnell with Tom Cruise. When he is done he laughs again and says “If you get pregnant it is not mine.” spits on me and leaves. S calls J at work and tells him that I just cheated on him. J throws me out of our apartment because I can not tell him what happened. I spend the night on the streets barefooted and in just shorts and a tiny shirt. J calls my parents the next day and they come get me. After few months my mom makes me go to the DR. and there on the ultrasound screen is a baby. A big baby. My mom takes me to J at his job and I hand him a photo of the baby. ” Happy Father’s Day.” Turning and walk away. C our son will never know. J is his father no matter what. Today J and C are at the hunting lease and me and our daughter O who is 22 months younger than C watch TV. My family has been though a lot. The loss of another baby between C&O. The loss of O’s twin. Ovarian Cancer. C falling out of a tree and almost dying. J and I almost divorcing because the hate and pain. But I am so lucky to be a Mother to 2 amazing children.
That hurt my heart to read, you poor love. You are a strong woman xx
There is a huge lump in my throat after reading that, and I can’t even begin to imagine the mess of emotions that you went through or the sheer amount of courage it took to write down, anonymous or not. We all take for granted just how strong, stoic, and selfless women in general are. You.are.amazing.
My gosh, you have been through so much! :'( I’m so sorry.
Thank you for sharing your blessings and your story with us.
You poor darling. I hope you don’t think that the heinous thing that S. did to you was in any way your fault. How terrible not to have J. believe you. If you have not already, please contact RAINN: https://www.rainn.org/ They will help you heal if you still hurt.
So sorry too for the loss of your babies. Stay strong. You are a beautiful and intelligent woman, and sound like an incredible mother. You deserve all the love in the world and I wish you the best.
I am so sorry that you went through all that terrible stuff. If you haven’t already, please seek counseling. It sounds like there is a lot that a counselor could help you with. Sending you love and light.
I’m so glad you have your children. Those beautiful faces that love their mommy so much are worth every moment of suffering. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all the things that you did, but goodness, you’re coming through with grace. Ride the suffering to higher ground.