There is a lot of talk here about Postpartum Depression and depression can, in some cases, lead to suicidal thoughts. I want to say here that if you suffer from these thoughts – PLEASE get help now! You are worth it, your child is worth it. Your life CAN be happy again.
Here are some suicide hotlines you can call:
https://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
https://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html
You can also go straight to your closest ER and they will help you find help.
For more info on PPD, read this.
You are loved and needed.
Would those of you who have suffered, and healed (or are healing) post a message here for anyone in need of support?
I suffered with extreme PPD after the birth of my first born son. It was awful, and I thought frequently of committing suicide. The only thing that kept me on this Earth was my beautiful baby. It took me 6 months to finally break down and admit I needed help. If I could have those 6 months back now, I would take them.
If you are suffering with depression, PPD or otherwise, please seek out help ASAP. There is no shame in admitting you need help. It’s nothing you have done wrong, but is a result of shifting hormones and neurotransmitters. GET HELP! If you are a spouse or a friend of a woman you suspect is having a problem, seek out help for her!! Just don’t let it go for months and months. You’ll regret losing that precious bonding time with your baby. I know I do.
I also suffered from severe depression. I sat and cried everyday and dreaded even waking for the next day….It helped to talk with someone about it and I got help. If anyone is suffering please talk to someone!
i’m a longtime sufferer of seasonal affective disorder (SAD). when i realized my son was due in winter, i had a real fear of PPD. i contacted jodi selander at https://www.placentabenefits.info & arranged to have her dry, grind & encapsulate my placenta for my personal consumption. research has confirmed the long-traditional benefits of eating or otherwise swallowing the placenta by the birthing mother. it contains all of the beneficial hormones to help you avoid PPD & the hormone crash that often happens after birth.
I had PPD terribly after my first baby. And I didn;t have insurance so it went untreated. I thought of and got very close to attempting to commit suicide multiple times. Nothing seemed worth anything. I honestly thought that this is just what life was like after having a baby. Then 2 year later i got pregnant again with #2. and i dont know if it was the hormones or what but i swear…it CURED me!!! My 2nd pregnancy I was happy! hopeful! days were good and nights were peaceful. My 2nd daughter is 5 months now and I am still happy!
Really! if you you PPD, get help! you miss so much living in the shadow of depression! it steals your life from you!
i had suffered from depression long before having a baby, and even though i should’ve seen PPD coming after baby, i didn’t. it hit me pretty hard though. i was in so much pain inside from the depression that i could barely bond with my new baby. i had a lot of REALLY awful thoughts and i ended up getting diagnosed a year later with bipolar disorder. it sure did explain a lot!
now i’m very stable on medication with a wonderful 2 year old girl, and a loving, dedicated husband. everything worked out, thank GOD. but yes, there was a very dark time after giving birth when i didn’t know if i’d be around anymore–or if i wanted to be.
i still have my ups and downs, but at least it’s more manageable. there has to be hope right?
I was diagnosed as bipolar a long time ago, but was okay to not be on my meds while pregnant. I want to protect the baby from exposure and the pregnancy really seemed to balance out my hormones. Unfortunatly since I had decided to breastfeed, while that in itself was an amazing experience, I suffered not just from some mood swings but SEVERE depression and thought of suicide often.
I contacted a new treatment facility and quit breastfeeding to return to a daily medication. The only thing that ever stopped me from hurting myself was actually the thing causing me to suffer… my daughter.
I’m glad I felt comfortable enough to get help, but I have friends who needed some coaxing to get the needed help. No one should feel afraid of being judged.
Also know that you have confidentiality rights and that by being forward with your doctors you can feel better sooner. I thought they might take my daughter away because of how bad I felt and how tired I was, not to mention that I often wished to be alone. But my doctor reassured me that she would work with me and gave me meds of course but also a number I could reach her at if I went into a bad moment.
I wish woman wouldn’t have to suffer PPD but since we do, all woman should know they aren’t alone and its okay. And there are ways to get help and no one aside from yourself has to know if you don’t want them too. Just you and your doctor. <3
I had a bout of pretty serious PPD as well. I could not look out of my windows for fear someone was standing there. I was afraid of knives and was even afraid of going into my babies room. I also had anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia, and was very angry all the time. I had a very hard time taking care of my son. PPD does not always just mean that you can’t get out of bed or that you are sad all the time. It can take many forms including anxiety, fear, anger, as well as sadness.
My husband knew something was wrong but he knew nothing about PPD. I really had to pull myself out of the haze and look at the truth. When I started considering hurting myself as an option to just let myself out of the hell I was experiencing, I knew something needed to change. When I went to get help, I just sat in my OBGYNs office and cried. The amazing thing is that she had been through a similar thing and she was very understanding and helpful. I am now on medication and have talked through many of my feelings and at 6 months PP, I am on the way to being better.
If you do not have a healthcare provider that takes PPD seriously, find a new one. If you think for a second that you may be having trouble with PPD, look at getting help immediately. I waited for 3 1/2 months to get help and that was WAY too long.
Please feel free to email me if you need some kind, supportive words. My email is rootcat@yahoo.com
Thanks, I appreciate you posting about PPD. It is still a taboo subject about motherhood and it shouldnt be.
I suffered from what I consider moderate PPD and anxiety after I weaned my son and immediately following the birth of my daughter. I say moderate because everyone has their own definition of the degree of depression. I tried to “deal” with mine each time for 2 or 3 months before I started medication. If I could go back in time and do over those months that I felt I was lost; I would do it in a hearbeat. I recognized the signs and symptoms early and after trying many different types of treatments (exercise, therapy, herbal treatments), medication helped me. Actually, it saved my life!
PPD and Postpartum Anxiety are both curable and I hope all women who suffer get help immediately!
I really appreciate the honesty of the women above who commented. These are the same thoughts I hear from women all over the country who have suffered perinatal mood and anxiety disorders like postpartum depression. They are all so right that getting professional help as soon as possible is the key to getting better as soon as possible and getting back to your old self. I know this as someone who went through postpartum OCD myself, and as a blogger who focuses on these issues. Thanks for covering this issue. I’m going to link to this post at Postpartum Progress.
I just had my first child on the 5th. He was born 6 weeks early but was only 3 pounds due to my Hellp Syndrome. He’s been in the NICU ever since and there really has been no talk of him coming home.
I do have a history of depression, but in my mind I’m feeling this way because my son is not with me. I feel worthless as a parent because I don’t do the things mothers are supposed to do while he’s in there. Every day I feel less and less like his mother and I wonder if he feels the same way. I’m afraid of him coming home now to an unfamiliar place with probably unfamiliar people. I’m terrified that he doesnt remember me anymore.
This feeling just started in the past week, I feel like it’s too soon to get help. Like “baby blues” last 2 weeks and maybe I’ll feel better once he gets home. What do you think?
I think seeking help is a good idea. Even if it’s just a support group of other mamas and papas who’ve been in this situation. I think talking to others who have btdt will help you see how common your feelings probably are and how things can turn out just fine. Ask the hospital staff and if they can’t help you with an in-person group, look for a message board community online about this subject. (((hugs))) thinking of you guys! Let us know how things turn out, ok?
I have a 14mo old daughter and I’m 7 months pregnant with my 2nd daughter. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 13 and have tried all sorts of medications. Around 18yrs old I decided my depression stemmed more from my constant anxiety. I felt like I couldn’t lead a normal daily life due to all my anxiety which caused me to become depressed. So I stopped all antidepressants and only took my Buspar and vistaril (sp?). Life was great until we decided to have a baby. I lost my 1st pregnancy at approx 6wks when I flipped my car on the way to work. I got pregnant soon after and everything was fine and dandy. My daughter and i had complications but she came out perfectly healthy 2.5wks early weighing 4lbs 12oz. We tried breastfeeding which failed bc she was so small she couldn’t latch so I pumped and fed her via bottle. I stopped producing milk after 2wks which was kind of a God send bc I was so sleep deprived. Anyway we went home and all was well until about 3mo PP then I started to feel off. PPD isn’t what I thought it was at all. I have no hate or resentment towards my daughter. She is the one thing that keeps me breathing. When I feel like giving up, that I’m not good enough, that I should just end it and everyone would be happier, I look at her face and she gives me hope. Plus I could never abandon her. I read up on PPD and self diagnosed myself, went to my Dr and got back on my Buspar and vistaril (which I had stopped during pregnancy) and added prozac to help with the depression. We got pregnant again, sooner that planned, and this time the PPD is hitting me hard. I probably started feeling it at about 6mo pregnant. It hasn’t reached the extent it was the 1st time, where I was hearing voices, not other people’s voices but more like my conscience (sp?) Was louder than my own thoughts. I constantly put myself down, I can’t think or make decisions, I’m quick to get frustrated and feel overwhelmed, and the suicidal thoughts are the icing on the cake. All I can think of is how stupid I am for getting pregnant again. What a failure I am as a mother. I grew up without my mom and I know that’s why God blessed me with daughters, so I can give them what I never had, but how can I when I’m such a wreck? Before my pregnancies I really thought I had come to terms with my depression/anxiety, but now I feel small, weak, stupid, worthless, overwhelmed, hopeless, a nut job of a mother. How can I give my girls a great childhood/life if I’m a failure. Sometimes I do think they’re better off without me, but I couldn’t leave them like that. All I can do is hold my daughter against my swollen belly and cry uncontrollably, which only makes the voices in my head louder: “see you are unfit to be a mom, can’t even keep it together for 24hrs”
So I just started my prozac and Buspar again.. hoping I’ll feel better before my 2nd girl is born after the new year…
Thanks to all the moms above. Your posts really help me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And a big thanks to my boyfriend of 6yrs. He knows me inside and out, he doesn’t judge me on my mental illness, he tells me all the time what a wonderful mother I am to our girls. He helps as best he can when I’m having bad days.
I just want the bullying in my head to stop.
<3